//------------------------------//
// Tea Party With The Royals 
// Story: A Nightmare in Equestria 
// by Imperium Bedlam 
//------------------------------//

"Ugggggh, my heeead" I groaned loudly as I sat up, a claw covering my face. I ran the blades down while I took a hold of the edge of my apparent 'bed', or as most would call it, the workbench. I slowly stretched out, cracking a few of the bones in my lower back and my shoulders before folding my body backwards almost completely and sighing pleasantly at the sound of bones crunching.

After a few moments of stretching I sighed and walked over to my oldest bench, my first one. I'd gotten it as a package set when the previous owner of this place... left. I smiled, tracing my claws along the name marred into its surface, a name I would never forget no matter what happens.

It seems my energy decided to kick in as I looked towards my front door, the frame lying on the floor. I guess I was a bit out of it last night, I'd had no idea that the mostly physical manifestation of fear and dread would act like a powerful stimulant. To me anyway, as far as I could tell most others would probably avoid the stuff out of mere instinct.

"I guess I'm going to have to get around to fixing that sometime.... well, that is a rather welcoming sight." My gaze had slowly moved towards the ceiling, and the many pairs of new gloves that hung from it. "While I was out of it I must've gotten rather busy, though, some of these look a bit silly."

I must've been really out of it, I'd apparently gotten bored of making blades and just grabbed a bunch of random crap, some of the gloves had forks and spoons whilst one had metal needles, one of the gloves even had scissors. Slowly but surely my eyes drifted towards the back of the workshop and the new decorations that adorned my shelves.

I let out a slight whistle as I walked towards them "That is a lot of dolls and puppets, just how much energy did that shit give me? I've never gotten these effects before." Though that was probably due to the overload from the decoration-Lego heads dimension. Still, I wasn't complaining, some of them weren't too shabby either. One of them caught my attention however.

It was a simple puppet, two legs, two arms and one head. I had no idea what it was though. It looked human, and I felt I'd seen it somewhere before, but for the life of me I just could not remember. I decided to investigate it a bit, walking step by slow-step towards it. I felt a headache coming in the back of my head but I ignored it as I looked over the details of the thing.

Average brown hair with brownish-green eyes. The pain picked up as I kept moving forward. The clothes seem incredibly average with even a hoodie to boot. The headache was becoming a dull throb as it spread out through my head. He looks to be smiling to, not a forced smile or an overbearing one, just a calm an casual one that just seemed... natural.

"what do you think- AJ!...."

I couldn't help but throw it to the other side of the room as my hand clasped around it, the pain had become too much. I barely registered the sound of the puppet cracking across the middle. Whoever he is, or was, he wasn't really that important to me right now. I kept the palm of my clawed hand to my forehead, pushing down on the burn scars that stubbornly refused to heal.

"I need a day off. Wait a second... I don't have a job! Screw this, I'm taking sick leave." I took off my torn sweater, the thing really needed a clean, and let out a sigh as I saw my torso, covered in ugly scars from head to toe. My spirits quickly reignited though as I chucked on a tacky Hawaiian shirt and grabbed a pair of sunglasses. I put on my hat and took off both of my gloves. Heck, I even swapped my raggedy brown pants with some khakis.

I had stepped into the furnace and was just about to question why these clothes were in my workshop before I thought on the joys of having someone I could shout at to pull the lever. For some reason I wanted them to be called Kronk. "Actually, considering that wooden puppy insists on staying here, I think I'll call him that."

And with a chuckle I pulled down the lever and let the sparks fly before covering me in my favourite kind of flame. The kind that melts things.





I was casually lounging on a beach chair, an umbrella providing a comfortable shade from the blazing sun above, until the sun decided to finally notice me. Her gaze glided over me for a second before returning to me, narrowing her eyes and walking towards me with her guard up.

After ignoring her for a while, her glaring down at me while I casually rested, she eventually decided that talking with her mouth would be far more effective than her eyes. "What are you doing here?"

Well, I guess she left her politeness back in the waking world. I merely rolled my eyes before shifting in my chair slightly, hat tipping over to cover half of my face. "Aren't you supposed to welcome guests with a smile rather than a glare?"

"I'm afraid that courtesy is only given to those who do not injure my little ponies." Subtle. So subtle that I could feel the growing intensity of the sun hangng overhead in fact. I couldn't really blame her for her hostility I guess, so with a sigh and a groan I lifted myself up into a sitting position, adjusting my hat slightly so that I could see her royal crankiness.

"Fine then, what is it you want Princess Heatstroke?" Oh hey, her glare somehow managed to get more intimidating.

"I should be asking the same of you, we are in my dream I presume. So, Nightmare, why are you here?" Did she really think punctuating each word by moving her head slightly closer would frighten me? It just looks silly.

I just shrugged and stood up, the chair burning to ashes behind me while the umbrella flattened out and managed to cover the entire sky above us. The sand beneath our feet turned to marble, then a layer of carpet covered it. The umbrella overhead became a ceiling and a chandelier hung from it as it raised to a more appropriate height.

I gave Celestia my reply as I moved towards a round table that had sprouted from the ground. "If you really must know, I'm on a small vacation." I'd said this with as much seriousness as I could muster, lifting a teacup towards my lips and having a quick sip.

For her part, Celestia took the change in scenery rather well, likely due to time spent fighting Discord, her reaction to my words however....

"What...?"

I took another sip of my tea while her glare went through a few different phases before resting on confusion. Lucky me that ponies can only express their true emotions in their dreams, no facades of perfect composure.

"I mean exactly as I said, I'm taking the night off after such a busy schedule. Unless you'd prefer a nightmare?"

I raised a non-existent eyebrow at her as her eyes widened. I mostly ignored the sound of chains grinding against the walls in the distance, along with the various cracks that began to spread through the room. I could've sworn there were limbs climbing out of them.

"No thankyou, I would rather do with one less nightmare to deal with." Well, at least she was witty. I shrugged as the cracks receded and the grinding stopped, almost laughing as I heard a slight squeal from one of the limbs that got crushed in the floor. Celestia sighed out of relief and moved towards the table slowly, having a seat opposite me while her glare returned in full force.

"Did no one tell you that the bad guys can take holidays?  Double-dip Discord takes them quite often from what I've heard." Lucky bastard.

Celestia warily took a sip of her own tea, unable to avoid letting out a please "Mmm." as she lowered her cup. I chuckled when she blushed slightly, and to think I almost considered her a threat.

"You created the tea Cello, so it's pretty much always going to be the best of your favourite.."

"Hmm, something my sister had neglected to tell me about during our tra-" She cut herself off from letting loose her secret, though I already knew what it was.

My cup began overflowing, spilling onto the carpet below before spreading over it completely. My favourite grin came back as I looked into Celestia's horror-stricken eyes. "Let's play a game thundercalves, two player hide and seek." She'd backed off a bit, tipping over her chair as the tea-stained ground turned to green and grass sprouted from everywhere.

I was laughing as my cup fell into two halves, the half I wasn't holding onto falling to the ground and dissolving. My hat stretched out and Celestia marvelled as the seemingly endless room was revealed to be nothing but cleverly painted walls that loudly fell to the ground, showing us to be in a forest.

"What are you playing at Nightmare?!" She shrieked at me while the table became longer and many different plates, teacups and pots clattered its surface. She barely even noticed that she was now wearing a dress that looked as though it would be more welcome on a maid or pony from the old ages.

"Oh Cellybelly, how your words wound me so!" I pulled a rather shocked pose as I smiled at her, clothes falling over themselves and changing to a drab brown overcoat with a bow tie. I just laughed and jumped onto the table, slowly making my way towards her.

The forest around us grew restless, the dining table becoming a lone sanctuary. Celestia moved away from the table as I stood on the edge, smiling down at her. "I hope you don't mind but I've invited a few guests for tea." Her shoccked expression was priceless but I didn't give her a moment to plan for anything as the edge of the table rapidly expanded towards her, me calmly standing atop it while she held on for dear life.

"The rules are as follows," I wasn't really too sure if she was paying attention but I was having fun so who cares. I pulled a scroll from a pocket that wasn't there and put on a pair of reading glasses as the trees zoomed past us. "You are to find the rabbit, tweedle dum, tweedle dee, the carpenter, the queen of hearts, the jabberwock, and finally the cheschire cat before returning in time for tea."

I really don't think she was paying attention, especially after she was smashed into a few trees, don't worry, she was sturdy enough to not be hurt too bad. I hit her over the head with a ruler in order to get her attention, scoffing as I continued, "If you do not return in time for tea then you lose, if you do not return with all those required to attend you lose, if you die you lose, if you give up you lose, if you say the word tree you lose, if any member of your party loses a limb... well you get the idea at this point."

I rolled up the scroll and threw it away, without much fanfare to be honest, other than the sound of a chicken having it's neck twisted but I'm sure that was a coincidence. The table unceremoniously stopped at a clearing with a door labeled 'tea party' on one side and a path on the other. I lazily hopped off the table as Polar Luna tried to regain some measure of health, dignity or strength. Maybe all of them.

I was just about to turn the door handle as Sunkist decided she would do something besides pant and wheeze. "What should happen if I am to win? And for that matter, what shall happen if I lose?"

"Hmm, how about thish then; if you should win then I shall hand myshelf over, and should you loshe then I want dishcordsh shtatue." I've become a rather avid collector haven't I? Guess it comes with having nothing of value. Besides one thing of course.

She didn't really contemplate my choice of wording long before nodding and standing up to her full regal size, an inch below eye level, it was pretty funny to watch. I just laughed it off as I slammed the door behind her, leaving to her adventure as I came face-to-face with a merry band of grumpy characters all sitting around the dinner table.

"You know, usually I would enjoy games," the cheschire cat appeared right in front of me with a rather large frowny face, "that is, so long as I'm not forced to be dressed up as a cat." I flicked his nose and sauntered in, taking my seat at the head. All but one pair of eyes on me.

"In this world only you know who you are, all else will see you as your character so long as you are dressed up. And as an added bonus, you can't tell anyone who you are!" I laughed and put my feet up on the table, the various items atop it bouncing slightly in the air before simply floating upwards. "Why, I bet none of you know who I am. Well, all besides one, but I digress, it is time to play the game!"

I threw some rather sharp needles at them, they couldn't see the needles and nor could they see the connecting threads. I laughed as each one of them seemingly fell through the floor, only about three of them screaming while two let off a manly yell.

One left. "Luna, you can stop shaking now." After a few precious moments I sighed and walked to her, the rabbit ears were just adorable. "Catch!" She jumped a bit and looked at me fearfully, well I guess I couldn't expect much else. I reached into my pocket and pulled out a large fobwatch before throwing it at her. SHe somehow managed to catch it in her terrified stateand looked at the watch face.

"Click the thing to the side, it will give you a clear mind for exactly one hour and can only be clicked every two." It was kind of obvious she didn't trust me but whether she liked it or not I had to get her playing the game.

After far too many minutes passed of her slowly examining the watch I got impatient and drew my fist back, I wasn't going to hurt her too bad, just hit her into her start point. She shrieked and just as my fist was about to make contact, it didn't.

I barely noticed that a fiery portal opened between us and my fist went straight through, my clothes burning back into the holiday wear I had put on before entering the dream. My ever-present smile drooped as something unexpected happened. Instead of the pleasant sound of  flesh hitting flesh or the soothing sound of a jaw being snapped and torn it sounded like a bug being squashed.

Needless to say the experience was slightly depressing.

I twisted my arm around inside the large... bug... thing, before yanking it out. The colour of its blood was just... ew. I quickly started wiping my hand off on my shirt before turning towards whomever had interrupted my fun whilst tilting up my hat to get a better view. I was not expecting some half-bug dude.

“Well,” He said out loud, “I didn’t imagine that you would look like this. Especially after your very dramatic entrance.”

He was definitely not one to talk.