//------------------------------// // 28 - Bonus Chapter: Twilight's Ramble (canon) // Story: Synch // by sunnypack //------------------------------// “Okay so you're a pony”, I clarified, pointing to Twilight. She nodded eagerly. “Not a horse”, I stressed, to which Twilight face-hoofed. “Ponies are different to horses!” Twilight exclaimed, trying to keep annoyance from creeping into her voice. “In what way?” I replied, honestly trying to wrap my head around the concept. Hey I'm more of a human biologist than a general biologist, cut me some slack here. “Ponies are smaller and are different to horses”, she replied simply. “Okay aside from size differences, what is different between a pony and a horse?” I asked, still honestly trying to figure out what was the distinction. Twilight was frustrated but couldn’t get mad because she detected the note of sincerity behind my actions. “Okay, uhm, well it’s like this… It’s simple really… Just give me a momen-“ Twilight stumbled as she tried to find a difference other than stature. I raised an eyebrow. “You… you don't know do you?” I asked rhetorically but Twilight answered anyway. “I do so! Just give me a moment to think!” Twilight fumed, wracking her brains for an answer, her chains clinked as she put her hooves on her head, straining to come up with a response. After a full minute and a half of groaning mumbling and general rolling, I gave up waiting for an answer and focused on planning the next stage of our eventual prison break. “E-eyes!” she suddenly yelped and I nearly jumped out of my skin in fright. “Oh gosh darn!” I cursed and immediately covered my mouth. Twilight glared at me for a second but then launched into her idea, more interested in trying to solve this equine problem than punish me for mild, mild cursing. Fairly sure her friends, apart from Pinkie would curse more than me. I guess she just likes picking on me. “Our eyes are bigger than horses!” she pointed out and she grinned proudly. I face palmed slowly and drew a shuddering breath. “Did I not specify size difference?” I shot back, to which Twilight drooped a little but recovered with vigour. “That’s because it’s all about size!” she retorted putting her hooves on her hips. I would have muttered a few inappropriate things, but I decided that the dungeon would be a poor place for innuendo (I mean, in your endo! Oooooooh!). “Are there any ponies that are bigger than horses?” I threw out, hoping it’d snag. Twilight considered it briefly before nodding. I gestured at her as if I was a waiter at a high class restaurant and she was a lady ordering a soup but that it had a distasteful fly in it so I was indicating that she would want to take said soup back to the kitchen for which I would happily replace it free of charge but she would rather argue pointlessly about it instead of graciously accepting to which I would flourish and distract her attention in a way that is slightly condescending but still valid in the case that I would still hold the character of a high class waiter in a fancy restaurant. Exactly in that way. Pinkie winked at me from her corner, somehow knowing exactly what I had been trying to convey. Twilight opened and closed her mouth in the same way as a sardine would if displaced from his natural environment in a sudden and shocking way, provided that the sardine never actually dreamt that he could breathe air and wanted to try it or tha- you know what, I think we'll move on. “But. We’re. Ponies”, she reaffirmed trying to wrap her illogical argument back into itself. “So that makes it right?” I pointed out. “But-“ “Are ponies a different species?” I asked suddenly, interrupting her response. She looked annoyed but answered anyway. “Well yes, I believe so”, she answered smugly. “Refresh me on the definition of how a species is classified”, I asked innocently. Twilight sensed a trap but could not see the shape. “It’s when interbreeding is no longer possible due to genetic changes inherited from the process of speciation”, she replied cautiously. “Can horses and ponies interbreed?” Twilight growled and pulled bits of her mane in different directions. “Okay! Different topic!” she exclaimed, moving away from the subject of ponies and horses. I nodded, why push a won argument? Hmm topics of interest… Politics? Nah I wasn't into politics. Science? Nah that would a topic we’d both enjoy. Romance? Nah too raw for me. Fashion? Nah she looks fashion-backwards rather than forwards, besides she’s not even wearing clothes. Culture? Hmm okay, good potential. Could get gnarly but I'll step back when I have to. “Holidays!” I offered, throwing out my arms in a grand gesture. Twilight smiled for once obviously thinking I'd be heading towards more pleasant conversation. Mwuhahahaha. Nope! “Well every year we have the Summer Sun Celebration where we watch Princess Celestia raise the sun!” Twilight expounded, almost religiously. I nodded, a little confused, and she must not mean it literally. Raising the sun, pfft ha ha. “We have a similar thing at home called the New Year’s celebration, literally tons of fireworks go off all over the world. In my country, our New Year’s celebration is one of the most famous in all of the planet”, I proffered trying to engage Twilight in more culture. Less wary, Twilight went into other holidays such as Nightmare Night, festivals such as the Grand Galloping Gala, Hearth’s Warming Eve and other festivities that had a fondness for alliteration. I decided to point this out. “Why do a lot of these celebration names alliterate?” I pointed out, in the midst of Twilight’s explanation of the Grand Galloping Gala. Twilight sighed instead of getting annoyed. I think she was just getting used to my interruptions. Oh shush you, I have manners I just like ribbing Twilight, don’t know why. “I-“ she paused, unable to come up with an answer. Ha! Another question stumps Twilight. I was disappointed when her face cleared. “I believe it is due to the influence of one of our most famous spellcasters in the history of Equestria… Star Swirl the Bearded!” she squealed in obvious fan girl excitement. I suppressed the urge to moan. She frowned at my obvious ignorance of Star Swirl. Apparently, or at least according to her expression, I needed an extended history lesson. “You need an extended history lesson”, she announced getting to her hooves and trotting over to stand in front of me. I groaned and shuffled away. She ignored my obvious enthusiasm, or lack thereof, and proceeded to lecture me on the wonders of Star Swirl the Bearded to which almost all the accomplishments went over my head, apart from a few names that bore startling resemblances to names of some scientific laws. Principle of Thaumic Energy Conservation? Who comes up with these names? Stop ripping us off! Get some originality! Stop being stupid and be better! I thought angrily. ----- Celestia stamped a hoof while Luna barely glanced up from her newspaper. “Somepony is definitely talking about me!” Celestia shouted in dismay. Luna grumbled something about someponies that needed to stop being crazy. Out loud she called back, “Don’t be ridiculous, Tia.” Celestia pouted, “But Lunaaaa.” Luna just kept reading her paper. Her patience had been significantly drained on the OwlBear last night and then completely depleted by a self-conscious diva of a serpent, name was Steven or something... ---- I hid my head under some rocks to try and drown out Twilight. Twilight’s eyes were closed while reminiscing about her studies of Star Swirl so I was able to escape notice for now. A quick glance in the direction of the others showed similar results, except Pinkie Pie who was fast asleep. That mare could sleep through a hurricane, I swear. Grumbling I settled in for a long night of Twilight’s rambling.