//------------------------------// // 75. The Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000 - Part 1 // Story: Blaze the Pony Tale // by Wolven5 //------------------------------// Life went on in Ponyville, just as new life began, particularly for the Cakes when Carrot Cake and Cup Cake became parents to twins Pound Cake and Pumpkin Cake. Pinkie Pie learned a month later, when her bosses had no choice, that babysitting meant more than just being a playmate and how responsibility as a caregiver was serious business. Then Ditzy Doo, the local mail-mare, had a little accident when she crashed through the roof of town hall. Applejack had offered to win prize-money at the Canterlot Rodeo but Midnight had resolved the problem by using a Restoration Spell on the building. Applejack went anyway, and even though she didn’t do as well as she’d hoped, she still came back with a smile on her face, proud she’d given it her best… evident by the blue ribbon she won for best lassoing. She donated the prize-money to town hall’s emergency funds, reserved for any public property damages in Ponyville. But now a very certain time was upon Ponyville, for as he slept in his upstairs bedroom, Soarin snored, happily enjoying a blissful dream when… *Tap, tap, tap* “Uuuugh…?” he roused from what sounded like somepony tapping on his window, which didn’t make sense unless that somepony was a pegasus. “Who’d be up at this ungoddessly hour…?” he muttered when his window burst open and his suspicion was confirmed by a blur of rainbow that landed in a heap before it got in his face, yelling, “Come on, Soarin, cider season’s about to start!” It was Rainbow Dash, as she tore away Soarin’s bedding, making him gasp and cover his nether region, Rainbow rolling her eyes as she dragged him out the window and they started flying. “Dash? What’s the rush so early in the morning?” Soarin asked, seeing it was indeed the crack of dawn. “Oh that’s right, you’ve never been in Ponyville for cider season, so you don’t know what happens pretty much every year!” Rainbow replied before adding with great animosity, “Pinkie Pie…!” “What about Pinkie?” Soarin asked, “Did you two have a fight?” “She always ends up ahead of me in line,” Rainbow Dash explained, “and they always run out of cider so I don’t get any! But not this year… This year I’m gonna get there at the crack a’ dawn, so I can drink all the cider I want and laugh at Pinkie when she doesn’t get any!” Soarin was a little disturbed by Rainbow’s petty ranting, “It’s the perfect plan! Y’know, I might even save some of the cider I buy, and drink it drop by drop right in front of-” “Uh Rainbow?” Soarin interrupted as he pointed ahead and Rainbow gasped in horror! Stretching from the entrance to the Sweet Apple Acres property was a line of tents extending all the way into Ponyville. And wouldn’t you know it, the pony who exited the tent at the very front of the line was Pinkie Pie! “Uh, hate to say it Dashie, but-” Soarin started but flinched when Rainbow gave him a murderous glare, daring him to finish that sentence. She flew over to Pinkie, demanding, “Who are all these ponies?!” “Isn’t it great?!” Pinkie cheered before gushing, “I couldn’t sleep last night `cause I was so excited about cider season, and I had this brilliant idea to come down here and camp out, so I told a few others about it and they all thought it was a great idea too, and now it’s just a big ol’ cider party! Woo-hoo! Oh, gosh, that’s a lot of ponies, hope they don’t run out before you get any!” Soarin was pretty sure he was gonna have nightmares from the look of pure malevolence Rainbow was giving the unaware Pinkie who’d unknowingly rubbed salt into an emotional wound. When the sun had risen a little higher and the Apples had prepared, Applejack set up the bullhorn and alerted the anticipating customers, “Attention everypony – Cider Season is now officially… open!!!” The line of customers all started chattering in excitement, as Pinkie walked up and poured a heaping bag of bits into the container Granny Smith had set out for money. Twinken set the first mug up and Apple Bloom poured the cider, Pinkie snatching it up and taking a big gulp and sighing in satisfaction before walking away with an armload of cider-full mugs. While Granny Smith was happy of their first sale being a big one, Midnight was feeling a little guilty. “Granny Smith, I know the point here is to sell our cider, but isn’t it kinda unfair to sell so much of it to one pony? That means less for the rest and likely none at all for those last in line.” “Business is business, sonny,” Granny Smith said in a blasé tone, too busy keeping tally of their slowly increasingly growing pile of bits as the cider sold faster than hot cakes. Every time a barrel ran out, Big Mac took it away and grabbed a full one from the nearby neatly-stacked barrels that the Apples had filled with cider the previous day, and placed it for Apple Bloom to pour. As the hours dragged on and the routine cycled, the barrels of cider at last was reduced to one, and wouldn’t you know it – The last mug of cider was sold to Soarin, who’d been in front of Rainbow, much to her ire. “Sorry everypony,” Applejack called out, “Tha’s it fer t’day.” Her announcement was responded with groans and sighs of disappointment, but Rainbow wasn’t gonna leave it at that. “Surprise-surprise, you ran out again!” “Yeah, you always run out,” Caramel seconded. “Why can’t you make enough cider for all of us?!” demanded Rainbow, “Or at least for me!” The Apple Siblings shared troubled looks as the ponies all started grumbling and complaining, Midnight cursing, Pinkie Pie, you thoughtless glutton…! Thinking quickly, he got up on the stand and levitated the bullhorn to his mouth, “Please, please everypony! I know you’re all upset and you have every right to feel disappointed. But I promise that when you come back tomorrow everypony will get their fair share of Sweet Apple Acres Cider, nopony will go home empty-hooved.” “Midnight!” Applejack hissed to him but he ignored her. “Remember why you love our cider so much,” Midnight went on, “It’s made with love and integrity, and honest hard work, made with only the best apples we have to offer! And quality always comes before quantity.” While Applejack, Big Mac, and Granny Smith were proud of Midnight for reminding everypony about the virtue of integrity and hard work, they weren’t receptive to his promising everypony a helping of cider. But Midnight honestly was feeling nervous about his bold promise but then he noticed Pinkie talking to Rainbow, and judging by Rainbow’s teeth-grinding, Pinkie was saying the wrong thing. *Honk* Everypony looked down the road, seeing something fast approaching and making all kinds of odd noises. “Wha’ in Equestria is that?” Applejack said aloud, asking the million bit question while everypony gathered for a closer look. The strange contraption slowed as it loomed over the cider stand but it bumped into the fence, much to Granny Smith’s ire, as a showboaty tune started up, and two lanky unicorn stallions hopped down from the odd machine. They were both yellow with wavy red and white hair, both with green eyes, wearing dapper vests and boater hats. They were clearly twin brothers, with only the differences to tell them apart being one had no facial hair while the other had a mustache, the former had an apple slice cutie-mark while the latter’s cutie-mark looked like the apple his brother’s slice had come from. [Flim] Well, looky what we got here, brother of mine, it's the same in every town Ponies with thirsty throats, dry tongues, and not a drop of cider to be found Maybe they're not aware that there's really no need for this teary despair [Flam] That the key that they need to solve this sad cider shortage you and I will share The ponies in the crowd started chattering excitably as the brothers continued. [Flim and Flam] Well you've got opportunity In this very community [Flam] He's Flim [Flim] He's Flam [Flim and Flam] We're the world famous Flim Flam Brothers Traveling salesponies nonpareil "Nonpa-what?" Pinkie tried to echo the unfamiliar word. [Flim] Nonpareil, and that's exactly the reason why, you see No pony else in this whole place will give you such a chance to be where you need to be And that's a new world, with tons of cider Fresh squeezed and ready for drinking [Flam] More cider than you could drink in all your days of thinking "I doubt that!" Rainbow scoffed. [Flim and Flam] So take this opportunity [Flim, Flam, and Crowd] In this very community [Flam] He's Flim [Flim] He's Flam [Flim and Flam] We're the world famous Flim Flam Brothers Traveling salesponies [Flim, Flam, and Crowd] Nonpareil [Flim] I suppose by now you're wondering 'bout our peculiar mode of transport [Flam] I say, our mode of locomotion [Flim] And I suppose by now you're wondering, where is this promised cider? [Flam] Any horse can make a claim and any pony can do the same [Flim] But my brother and I have something most unique and superb Unseen at any time in this big new world [Flim and Flam] And that's opportunity [Flim] Folks, it's the one and only, the biggest and the best [Flam] The unbelievable [Flim] Unimpeachable [Flam] Indispensable [Flim] I-can't-believe-able [Flim and Flam] Flim Flam Brothers' Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000 "What d'you say, sister?" said Flim as he gave Rarity a dashing smile, causing her to faint into Blueblood's hooves, as the prince gave the slickster the stink-eye. [Crowd] Oh, we got opportunity In this very community Please, Flim, please, Flam, help us out of this jam With your Flim Flam Brothers' Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000 "Young filly," Flim addressed Applejack, sounding slicker than the oil he'd clearly put in his greasy mane, "I would be ever so honored if you might see fit to let my brother and I borrow some of your delicious, and might I add spellbindingly fragrant apples for our little demonstration here?" "Uh, sure, I guess," Applejack gave her family a troubled look, seeing hers mirrored in their faces.. [Crowd] Opportunity, in our community [Flam] Ready, Flim? [Flim] Ready, Flam? [Flim and Flam] Let's bing bang zam! "And show these thirsty ponies a world of delectable cider!" Flim declared. [Crowd] Cider, cider, cider, cider... [continues until Granny Smith interrupts] "Watch closely, my friends!" Flim invited. [Flam] The fun begins! "Now, here's where the magic happens. Right here in this heaving, roiling, cider-press-boiling guts of the very machine," Flim drew them in likes flies to a corpse, "those apples plucked fresh are right now as we speak being turned into grade-A, top-notch, five-star, blow-your-horseshoes-off, one-of-a-kind cider!" [Flam] Feel free to take a sneak peek! [Granny Smith] Now wait, you fellers, hold it! You went and over-sold it! I guarantee that what you have there won't compare For the very most important ingredient Can't be added or done expedient And it's quality, friends, Apple Acres' quality and care! [Flim] Well, Granny, I'm glad you brought that up, my dear, I say I'm glad you brought that up You see that we are very picky when it comes to cider if you'll kindly try a cup [Flam] Yes, sir, yes, ma'am, this great machine it's just the very best So whaddaya say then, Apples? Care to step into the modern world And put the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000 to the test? [Crowd] Cider, cider, cider, cider... [continues until Flim and Flam begin singing] "What do you think, folks? Do you see what the Apples can't? I see it clear as day!" Flim declared, playing the crowd all the more. "I know she does! So does he! C'mon, Ponyville, you know what I'm talking about!" [Flim and Flam] We're saying you've got... [Flim, Flam, and Crowd] Opportunity In this very community He's Flim, he's Flam We're the world famous Flim Flam Brothers Traveling salesponies nonpareil! [Flim and Flam] Yeah!