It had been many years and what were once two goofy foals have grown up into two hard working teenage stallions. Scratch that last part, what I mean is to say is had grown up to be two lazy stallions with temperaments that hadn’t changed all that much in the ensuing transition into the early stages of adulthood. Yes, still goofy albeit with the stench of bong resin and salty snacks. The sad part is that these two numbskulls who had been friends since before they could even read were destined to bring everlasting peace to the world in the near future. It’s rather funny when you think about it. Who would have guessed that what seemed to be two lazy stoners, whose latest conundrum was a debate on who you would fight if you could fight anyone in history? Yes, they were that baked and here they were the saviors of the world. Oh, Celestia have pity on me.
Where do I fit into story, I know you’re dying to know. Well, my job has many responsibilities, but if you’re into titles for the sake of brevity, then you could say I’m a guardian and it’s my job to protect these two and make sure that the utopia that is tomorrow exist. Yes, I come off cynical, but keep in mind in another dimension, this story is fiction and I’m portrayed by a raunchy standup comedian George Carlin. Well…I think I’ve given enough exposition to start you off and now to our story.
It was 9:15am in the suburbs of Ponyville and slumped over in bed was a tall gangly teenage unicorn stallion who had a mustard yellow coat with a teal mane, who would have been up about a hour ago had instead of hitting the snooze button had decided a better option was to take said alarm clock and throw against the hard wood floor of his disheveled bedroom. A room so filthy that roaches wouldn’t even be dignified living in it and that was an accomplishment in and of itself.
Standing outside staring up at the open window of the second floor of the house was a shorter and slightly portlier unicorn with a blue coat and dark orange mane.
“Snails, get down here. We’re late for class for the twelfth or was it thirteenth time this month,” yelled the blue unicorn at the window.
“Immanaaah,” mumbled Snails incoherently as he was still half asleep climbing under back under sheets.
“Dude, we got that history test in second class today,” exclaimed the blue unicorn.
“Oh, crap, crap, crap” yelled Snails as he jumped out of bed, getting his right back leg caught in the comforter laying on the floor, and slamming head first into the adjacent dresser while rushing to get ready.
Listening to the calamity from above and not noticing the opening of lower window on the first floor then a green coated and thirty something year old earth pony mare spoke.
“Snips it's great to see you, won’t you come in for a bite while you wait for Snails.”
“Uh…I guess I could ma’am,” said Snips hesitantly.
See ever since Snips had grown up Snails mom kept looking at him funny and it made him rather uncomfortable to be alone in the same room as her, she was barely old enough to be his own mother mostly due to fact that Snails parents had to get married early into high school as Snails had once put ever so delicately. It didn’t help that their marriage had been on the brink of collapse for years and his dad was never around as he was a member of the Royale Guard.
In the kitchen of the house Snips had pulled up a chair in the breakfast nook still waiting for his partner in crime to get ready and hearing the occasional curse, yell and bang from the floor above. Snails’ mom brought over a bowl of Crazy Quaker brand oatmeal and sitting on the oats were apple slices placed in the shape of a heart in the center. Snips gulped and took a breath.
“Th…thanks for the breakfast mm…ma’am.”
“You’re welcome and please call me Mint,” she said softly
.
“Um okay Mrs. Mint.”
“I’ve been sooo lonely,” Mint whispered in Snips’ ear as she placed a hoof on his shoulder causing him to jump banging his knees against the table.
Just then Snails walked into the room and seeing as this was his chance to break free Snips got up from the table not even touching his food threw his pack on his back and grabbed Snails by the back of his mane ran out the door, confusing the buck out of Snails.
“But Snips I’m hungry, couldn’t we have had something to eat before bolting out the door.”
“I needed, err we needed to get the buck out of there. I’ll explain later. We’ll find an apple cart on the way to school.”
About ten minutes later they almost at their destination after procuring some fruit from a Sweet Apple Acres apple cart and paying a still slightly disgruntled AppleJack. She was still pissed off at the two for sneaking some hash into the cake mix of Granny Smith’s birthday cake. They had though it was going to be a welcomed and harmless prank, but little did they know that it had been laced with LSD by the dubious dealer. They surely didn’t expect to be seeing Granny Smith tripping out, climbing to the top of the roof of the barn and singing a medley of ABBA and ZZ Clop songs. It’s a good thing nopony got hurt.*end flashback*
“…then I’m like, yeah the pony from history I’d like to fight is Gandhi,” said Snips in a mixture of sarcasm and triumph.
“Ha Ha, my goddesses you are so funny,” said Snails as he wiped a tear from his eyes from laughing so hard. “Buddy you wanna talk about why we ran out of my house so fast,” still stifling laughter.
“Dude, your mom needs to stop hitting on me, it’s really creepy. Not to mention I don’t feel like being gutted alive by your dad.”
“Come on dude, she’s just being friendly, just like with my swim coach, my dentist, the homeless colt who yells at squirrels and eats from our trash.”
“Uhhh Snails I hate to break it to you, but your mom is…kind of a predator and she’s collecting bones in more ways than one.”
“Huh”
“Never mind broseph, we’re here,” said Snips trying to drop the subject. “Good goddesses he’s slow, then again all the clover, beer and partying ain’t helping,” Snips briefly thought to himself.
They stood before the massive building which was still fairly new as five years prior students would have to be bused to out of town high schools in neighboring cities. It was now a quarter to ten and they were an astounding forty five minutes late, which was new record for them. But they had to be wary of the assistant principal and general hard flank, Strict-Land.
Next Time: Wild Stallions*air guitar*