//------------------------------//
// Episode 8: Dan Vs. Derpy Hooves 
// Story: Dan Vs. The Magic of Friendship(Season 1) 
// by Barrobroadcaster 
//------------------------------//

"Captain's log, Stardate 42117.8. The Enterprise has just finished its first sensor sweep of the Curso Nebula, what could become a new star in that system. While conducting the sweep though, it seems we've come across a strange transmission of unknown origin."

"Here it is again!" Chief Engineer Geordi La Forge announced, his voice a mixture of concern, curiosity and excitement. "This is the same one we picked up before but I can't identify the source."

Captain Jean-luc Picard, Commander Will Riker and Lieutenant Worf didn't have to be told twice. They made their way over from their respective stations on the bridge of the Enterprise-D to the console the engineer was hovering over, eager to learn of his findings.

"Is it some kind of distress signal? An emergency beacon caught in the nebula?" Riker asked, always concerned for the safety of others first.

"No, it doesn't seem to be. Even if it was, there's not a base or a starship out there or the sensors would've identified it," Geordi answered.

"Perhaps there's a malfunction with the sensor array," Captain Picard suggested, trying to provide a solution to their current puzzle. "Did you try recalibrating the scanners?"

"I did," Geordi said, switching to another console on the bridge. He keyed in a few commands on the display to double-check his findings. "It's not just the sensors picking this up, captain. It's every system on the ship."

"And you're sure it's not a distress signal of some kind?" Riker asked again.

The engineer folded his arms, thinking. "I'm positive. The funny thing is, the transmission is ongoing. It doesn't repeat so it's a continuous broadcast."

Lt. Worf shifted uncomfortably. Being a Klingon and a Starfleet member, he preferred to tackle problems head-on, using his analytical mind to assess threats and puzzles like foes on the battlefield. "Why would someone broadcast a message into space non-stop? It practically invites any ship to investigate it. This could be a trap, some kind of sabotage."

"Maybe they just like the attention," Riker commented.

"I don't think it's anything sinister," Geordi said, returning to his readout of the transmission. "If anything, it looks to be just a standard broadcast but all of our systems are picking it up."

"Can we isolate the signal?" Picard asked.

"Actually..." the engineer typed in a few commands on the console. "...yes we can."

"Put it on screen," the captain instructed.

An image appeared on the front viewscreen of the bridge, the sensors taking a moment to relay the broadcast. As the transmission played, the crew returned to their respective positions to watch.

"Dan Vs. The Magic of Friendship?" Riker asked, perplexed. "What kind of a broadcast is this?"

"I think it's an entertainment program, like an adventure-comedy series," Geordi said, gesturing at the screen. While most of the characters appeared to be colorful, talking ponies and other creatures, for some reason, a pale, dark-haired humanoid seemed to be living among them for the sole purpose of becoming frustrated and taking his anger out on the populace. And then learning lessons about it.

"Heh," the commander chuckled. "Someone's devoting all this energy just to broadcast a comedy show? Seems like a complete waste of time."

"How obnoxious," Lt. Worf remarked. "Transmitting a signal across the galaxy just to... just to..." the klingon's expression, while hard to read sometimes, changed as he watched the screen to that of confused amusement. "Why did he fall into that gel-substance a second time?"

"I think that was part of the comedy, Mr. Worf," Riker said.

The Klingon laughed heartily, continuing to watch.

The commander rolled his eyes. "I still think it's a huge waste of energy just to relay an entertainment program across the galaxy."

Picard sat in the captain's chair, leaning and rubbing his chin in contemplation. While the Enterprise did have a duty to Starfleet to defend the Federation, they were also explorers, researchers. And when new opportunities arose to learn and discover, no matter what source or where they came from, Picard knew they weren't to be missed out on.

"Perhaps, Number One," Picard smiled, "what we could all use right now is a little entertainment. Mr. La Forge," he turned to his chief engineer. "Can you track this transmission back to its source?"

It only took a moment for Geordi to check. "Looks like we'll be able to follow the transmission right back to its point of origin, Captain. I've got the course laid in."

"Chasing after rogue signals, captain?" Riker asked skeptically.

"Chasing after fun, Number One," Picard responded with an enthusiastic smile. "Make it so."






Space. The final frontier.

These are the voyages of the starship Pinkie Pie!

Its continuing mission: to explore new ways to have fun!

To seek out all sorts of exciting adventures with all my friends!

To boldly party where nopony has partied before!






Star Trek: The Next Generation


Dan Vs. The Magic of Friendship







Starring
CURTIS ARMSTONG
as
Dan








TARA STRONG
as
Twilight Sparkle






KATHLEEN BARR
as
Chrys





Also Starring
LEVAR BURTON
as
Lt. Cmdr. Geordi La Forge






MICHAEL DORN
as
Lt. Worf






PATRICK STEWART
as the voice of
Fluffle Puff's inner monologues





And
GARY BUSEY
as
himself





Developed for FIMFiction.net
by
BARRO the BROADCASTER
and
MICHAEL HAY









Ever since Dan had moved in with Twilight and the others, he had developed a bit of a morning routine. He would get up, sometimes fix breakfast or breakfast would be fixed, check the interior for signs of intruders, invasion or breached defenses and then proceed outside to perform a tactical assessment of the standing structure while retrieving the newspaper and any mail. It was a mental checklist he enjoyed going over everyday; preparing for annoyances and threats meant less time he'd have to deal with them in the future and less overall stress he'd be caused.

"Morning Dan!" Twilight called as she descended the stairs.

"Morning Twilight," Dan responded, busy examining the edges of one of the windows. "It's surprising how well everything in the library held together after falling over."

"Yeah, lucky for us," she agreed. "It's a pretty sturdy tree even if it has trouble staying planted."

"Well, we're going to make sure it stays planted this time," Dan said, satisfied with the windows.

Already awake, Spike walked over to Dan and Twilight from the living room. "Morning guys!"

"Morning," the two responded.

"I really like the modifications we made to the library," Spike announced.

The two turned to the small dragon. "Modifications?"

"Yeah, like all the crawlspaces. They're perfect for hiding stuff in."

As if to give the statement more of an impact, a random board creaked from the ceiling. The patter of hooves followed shortly after, seeming to come from everywhere at once. Twilight and Dan looked around, trying to determine the source of the disturbance as it came closer and closer. The echoes reverberated through the paneling.

"What's going on?!" asked Twilight. The panels vibrated, approaching her fast.

Dan remained still, his expression steadfast. "This can only mean one thing."

"What?!" Twilight asked again. Suddenly, a board in the wall bent back and a fluffy pink head poked through right in front of Twilight. Fluffle Puff performed her trademark gasp and then licked the purple alicorn's cheek. "I should've known. Just when I thought it was safe to go back in the living room."

A pair of boards shook on either side of Dan. Chrys' hooves shot out to hug Dan as her eyes appeared in a pair of knotholes above him. "Hi Dan!"

"Hi Chrys," he said, un-amused. "Having fun?"

"Yup!"

Dan's teeth began to grit. "You both realize you're compromising the integrity of the structure we just renovated, right?"

"Aww," Chrys' legs went slack. "But it's fun!"

"FUN?!" Dan spun around to face her. "FUN?! You think it's FUN to leave an opening so easily penetrated?! Practically BEGGING for someone like me to just barge in?!"

Chrys paused, her face a complete blank behind the wall. Redness began to fill her cheeks and her heart began to race. She stared at Dan and blinked. "Yes."

"Not happening," Dan replied sternly, oblivious as usual. "As soon as you two are done messing around in the crawlspace, I'm filling it up with cement. There's no security breaches on my watch."

"Dan," Twilight put a hoof on his back, "relax. They're just having a little fun."

"Relax?!" Dan shouted at the explanation. "That's what got us into this mess! At any moment, something could happen to the foundation and the house could come crumbling down agai-"

"Calm down, Dan," Twilight urged.

"All right, all right," he held up his arms defensively, realizing he wasn't going to win, as usual. "We could probably use it as extra ammunition storage anyway. I'm gonna do a perimeter check, then meet you guys inside for some breakfast," he said, walking to the door.

"Sure thing, we'll rendezvous in the kitchen in oh... five minutes," Spike said, pretending to check his watch.

"Don't encourage him," Twilight cautioned.

Chrys, still partially sticking out of the crawlspace, looked around. "Hey guys, where's Fluffle Puff?"

Spike and Twilight searched around. Once again, the large fluffy mare had managed to disappear. But they didn't have to look far for her.

"She's on the ceiling again," Spike pointed up.

The other two mares glanced upward to see Fluffle Puff's legs dangling from the floor above, helplessly but happily.

"How does she keep doing that?" Twilight asked, amazed and confused.

"I'll get the spatula," Chrys said.

Dan exited the house before the group pried Fluffle Puff off the ceiling yet again. Performing a thorough examination of the surrounding area was part of his job, so he felt. It wasn't just enough to keep out would-be thieves and intruders; living in a tree, he also did his best to make sure the structure remained weather resistant, free of pests and was clear of all debris. Honestly, he found it easier than maintaining a large house.

After a few minutes, he was satisfied. The work he, Spike and the ponies put in had paid off with grandeur. The Golden Oaks library never looked better and had even been modified at the base to accommodate a storage cellar underneath(formally the basement) and even another section to the archives themselves. Dan couldn't help but smile, admiring his own handiwork at reinforcing the trunk and adding positions for anti-aircraft and surface-to-whatever missile battery emplacements. The only thing left to attach were the weapons themselves.

Satisfied, Dan decided to check the mailbox, another new addition to the library as mail had previously been delivered directly to the door. He flipped open the metal hatch to check if something had been delivered and not to his surprise, something had. But when he retrieved the item delivered, he found there was much to be surprised about.

"What?" Dan asked the situation itself. "What the..."

What Dan pulled out happened to be... a muffin. A simple, fresh-baked muffin wrapped in thin plastic with a wax paper wrapper cupping the bottom.

"Is this a joke?!" Dan demanded. He looked around, trying to find out who could've been responsible. But the area around the Golden Oaks library was vacant this time of the morning. "WHY IS THERE A MUFFIN IN THE MAILBOX?!" Again, silence was his only answer.

Perplexed, Dan walked back into the house, muffin clutched in his upheld hand like a drink he was being careful not to spill. He entered the living room to see Twilight, Chrys and Spike trying to scrape Fluffle Puff off the roof with a spatula. Which he didn't find surprising at all.

"You guys aren't planning on cooking with that spatula after you're done with it are you?" he called to the others.

"Umm... " was there unanimous response. "How did everything go outside?" Twilight quickly changed the subject.

"Fine," Dan admitted, his voice still confused. "but... I think somepony's trying to poison us."

The three finally pried the attached mare off the ceiling. She collapsed down on the floor with an adorable squeak, her fluff absorbing the impact. Fluffle then proceeded to hug Dan as the others descended to the ground.

"What makes you say that?" Chrys asked.

"I found this muffin in the mailbox," he held it up for them. "This could be one of Flim and Flam's tricks again. Or it could be something else. I think we should have this analyzed."

"Oh," Twilight laughed. "That's just Derpy. She really loves muffins and does this now and then," the purple alicorn proceeded to unwrap the treat and take a bite.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Dan shouted in shock. "You don't know what that is!"

"Yes I do," replied Twilight, mouth full of muffin. "It's lemon surprise."

"LEMON SURPRISE?! LEMON SURPRISE?!!" Dan's anger boiled.

As the purple pony chewed, she stopped, detecting an oddity with her tongue. The others noticed her change in expression. "Mmm... hmmm.."

"What's wrong, Twilight?" Spike asked. Chrys and Fluffle Puff gathered around her, concerned.

"I KNEW IT!" Dan announced. "IT'S POISONED! Stand back!" he grabbed Twilight and proceeded to squeeze her by the barrel. "BREATH, DAMN IT! BREATH!"

"MM! Dan!" Twilight shook him off. "There's nothing wrong, calm down." She reached a hoof into her mouth and pulled out a white object. "I thought I tasted something funny."

"What is it?" Chrys asked.

"It's a letter!" Spike recognized.

Twilight immediately giggled at the realization. "Derpy baked the mail into a muffin!" Chrys, Spike and Fluffle laughed at the revelation.

"That is so Derpy!" Chrys remarked.

"Why are you laughing?!" Dan asked, shocked at his friends' behavior.

Twilight regained her composure. "Dan, Derpy Hooves is our mailmare. She makes most of the deliveries to the library and she does things like this from time to time. It's just for fun."

"FUN?!" Dan couldn't believe the explanation. "What if she does that to MY mail?! What if she tries to bake something important into a pie and it blows up?!"

"I don't think she would do that, Dan," Twilight responded.

"Yeah," Spike agreed. "Derpy only really does muffins. Pies and cakes are Pinkie Pie's thing."

"That's not the point!" the hominid continued to protest. "This is a violation of the postal service! It compromises the integrity of our main line of communication! IT'S A BREACH AMONGST THE SECURITY OF THE HOUSE!!"

"And it's part of a balanced breakfast," Spike added.

Dan's anger seethed inside him. "That's it! I'm going down to the post office to talk about our current courier's constant confection compulsion!" Once again, he headed to the door, this time storming out.

"Dan, wait!" Twilight called.

"Yes?" he turned to his purple caretaker.

"If you're going out, take Fluffle with you. She needs to get out more."

"Fine," Dan replied. "Where's the spatula?"

Spike turned away. "We were going to make some French toast with it..."

Dan simply looked at the purple dragon, disappointed. He then opened the door and left, Fluffle Puff bouncing behind him.





Unlike many other quirky ponies, Dan didn't find Fluffle Puff intolerably irritating. Most of the time. No, despite her incessant shenanigans, penchant for adhering to things and compulsive nature to tongue-bathe just about anything and everything, Dan found Fluffle Puff too... cute to be annoyed by. That, and she was the only thing in Equestria that reminded him of his closest companion on Earth, Mr. Mumbles.

How Fluffle Puff felt about Dan, however, was something stronger, something she didn't quite understand. Her curiosity got the better of her sometimes but she loved Dan and the others. They were her family and she knew they needed to stick together and support one another. Unlike Dan, though, Fluffle Puff's conviction was a certain thing. She would be silent until necessary, happily carrying the truth about why Dan was onboard that plane until the time was right. Her one and only secret she kept from Dan and the others.

If there was one thing Fluffle Puff admired about Dan, it was that he was at the very least, open and honest with them. If there was something he didn't agree with, if something disturbed him, if there was a problem, he made sure everypony knew about it. Very sure. And he always told the truth. Fluffle Puff regretted being unable to follow his example...

Which is why she stayed silent. For the most part. Determined to help her friend, the fluffy mare bounced up to Dan and marched alongside him. The two of them headed into town for the post office.

Dan's eyes were fixated forward in a preemptive glare. "All right, here's the plan: we get in there and we start cracking heads!"

"Pbbthpppd!" Fluffle nodded in agreement, her own eyes narrowing. They were both already fired up.

"No mercy, no escape, no prisoners!"

"Thhbbbbbbbd!"

"We find out who's tampering with the mail and give THEM a message to chew on!" Dan shouted.

"Rmmbddppth!" Fluffle Puff gave a final 'pbhhd' of determined affirmation. She was just as upset about this as Dan.

Hello, I'm Patrick Steedwart, a ponified version of stage and screen actor, Patrick Stewart. Today, I'll be playing the voice of Fluffle Puff's inner most thoughts and feelings as expressed through private dialogue. I hope you enjoy.

Actually, I'd like to interject right here if I may.

Wait a moment... uh, excuse me? Who are you?

I'm a ponified version of actor and narrator, Morgan Freeman. My name is Morgan Freemane and I believe I'll be providing the voice for Fluffle Puff's thoughts this episode.

There must be some sort of mistake. I was told by Mr. Barro that I was to do the narration for Fluffle Puff.

I believe there has been a mistake, Mr. Steedwart. It's not a problem, really. Clearly, somepony must've misread something in the script. I mean, this is a narration and this production really does require somepony more experienced in that area.

...Excuse me?

Well, no disrespect, Mr. Steedwart but I do believe I've been in a few more-

Uh, hey, can I say something here?

Who are you?

Yeah, hi, I'm Richard Dreyfuss.

You're a ponified version of Richard Dreyfuss?

No, I'm actually Richard Dreyfuss. How can you not remember me? We worked together in Red!

Uh, oh right, Richard Dreyfuss, yes.

Yes, I remember you! You were in Deep Blue Sea along with that fellow from the car chase movie.

No, *sigh*, you're thinking of Jaws. Look, we were all told we were supposed to have the same role so... why don't we just take share it?

What do you suggest we do?

Well, we could take turns. You go, then I go, then Morgan Freemane goes and we just do it that way. What do you say? Sound good?

...It was a pleasure seeing you again, Mr. Dryfuse.

Yes, I believe I'll be going as well. Best of luck, Richard. Hope to see you again in the next Sharknado.

I was in JAWS! *sighs heavily*

"Pbtth-thh!" Fluffle Puff added. A mare's mail is not something to mess with, not even if you're the mailmare. Delivering letters baked into muffins is one thing but not baking enough for everypony? Now that's just rude. Besides... I wanted a lemon-surprise muffin.

The post office was only a couple doors down from town hall, the buildings in the area serving as the center of local government, administration and community organization for Ponyville. Within the same block was the New-and-Old Neighbor Welcome and Re-welcome Center(the pony-equivalent of a Department of Immigration or foreign affairs office, frequented by Pinkie Pie), the Visit and Vacation Starting Place(offices of travel), the courthouse(unused since the Ace Swift murder trial three years ago) and the Carriage, Carrier and Contraption Contract Compliance and Cooperation Center(DMV).

A few ponies were already in the area as Dan approached, going about their daily lives. Pegasi delivered things two and from second-story windows, ponies tended to sweeping, cleaning and moving things about the area and generally busied themselves. Dan and Fluffle passed a park bench where another familiar duo sat and relaxed.

"Hi, Dan!" Lyra called out, waving to him.

Fluffle Puff waved back for both of them, her expression momentarily changed to glee before returning to narrow-eyed determination.

A longing look in her eyes, Lyra stretched out a hoof as she watched Dan pass. "Hands..."

"Don't," Bon-bon, sitting next to her lowered Lyra's hoof for her.

Lyra's head sulked for a moment before she returned to watching Dan and Fluffle Puff cross the street. Her own eyes narrowed just a tad and the faintest hint of a smile flashed across her muzzle. Bon-bon rolled her eyes; some things never changed.

"This is it, Mr. Fluffles," Dan said to his accomplice as they approached the small, blue building wedged between two others. "What should we do first? Make them decorate cakes with the oath to the postal service? Pack them in shipping crates and mail them to a bakery? Go to the supermarket, buy muffins and start chucking them until the whole place is covered n dough?'

"Thrbbppd," Force them to bake us muffins! And then sing us one of those singing telegrams! AND GET STAMPS WITH OUR FACES ON THEM! OOOH, YES!

Before either of them could execute their plans, a familiar purple pony appeared in front of them. "Hi guys!"

"Twilight, what are you doing here?" Dan demanded. "You're not going to try to talk me out of this, are you?"

"No, Dan," Twilight said, knowing how futile that notion was. "I'm just here because you decided to skip breakfast today." She turned around and pulled two lunchboxes out from her saddlebag and levitated them over to her. "We went ahead and packed you lunch!"

Fluffle Puff received a lunch box with a picture of Gabriel Iglesias on the front. She gasped enthusiastically, tucked it into her utility fluff and proceeded to hop around the background. 

Dan accepted his own lunch box skeptically. "Thanks..." he said, examining it. Turning it over, he discovered the front sported a very familiar theme. "Ha!" Dan smiled widely, astonished. "Revenge of The Nerds? That's one of my favorite movies! Twilight, how did you know?"

Twilight grinned bashfully. "Well, you have mentioned it a few times. I just thought you'd like it." While the majority of humanity didn't know about their dimensional equine neighbors, many in Equestria's scientific and academic community were well aware of Earth's existence. The ponies had based some of their own technological innovations off of terran inspiration but things went deeper than that. Some cultural ideas had been 'borrowed' while others had simply existed from the start. The explanation for this wasn't always clear.

Equestria and Earth were parallel to each other. Despite their many differences, a lot of events, concepts, areas and even individuals mirrored each other across the vastness of time and space but not all of them. The two worlds were in many ways like sisters; connected in many ways yet separate, individual. Dan pretty much thought of Equestria as Earth only younger, innocent and pure. Something he felt the need to protect and guide, give them the second chance he never received. Give his friends, give Twilight the second chance she needs.

"I do," Dan answered. He suddenly found himself with more gratitude then he knew how to express. "Thank you..." he said.

"You're welcome," the purple princess replied. "I packed you both sandwiches: hay bacon, lettuce, tomato, peanut butter and jelly on white. With the crust cut off for Fluffle Puff. And there's also some green apple slices and juice for when you get thirsty."

Dan opened the container. As Twilight had described, a well-organized lunch had been arranged within. Each item was even packaged separately to prevent excessive moisture build up, a threat to all packed lunches as Dan was well aware. There was even a cupcake tucked in the corner in a separate compartment so it wouldn't get squished.

"What's all this for?" Dan asked, confused.

"For you to eat," Twilight answered with a chuckle. "Now, I want both of you to play nice with the other ponies. You can be report back to me later with the results of your investigation and don't stay out too late."

"Investigation?" Dan was even more puzzled than before. "Does that mean... are you actually approving of what I'm doing?"

"You're going to find out what's going on with the mail," Twilight explained. "Make sure that nopony gets hurt by these new procedures. You saw something you were concerned with and now you're going to inspect the source. It's kind of like your job."

"My... job..." Dan repeated. He stared off into the distance, thinking as he clutched his lunchbox. Yes, he was a captain of the guard. And he'd just been given permission to carry out an official investigation by a princess. Finally, things were starting to click into place. "Yes, that's right!" Dan declared, pocketing his container. "And I'm going to get to the bottom of this muffin madness before somepony bites off more than they can chew!"

"Good luck, Dan," Twilight wished him well. She knew there was nothing she could do to stop him but maybe if she supported him, he would realize he could learn something in the process. Not only that but she needed some time alone to research more about the spell that would return her to unicorn form. But Dan didn't need to know that. "I'll see you guys later!" she waved bye to the departing pair and disappeared in a flash of light.

Now, Dan felt empowered. Confidence flowed through him, a righteous certainty that bolstered every fiber of his being. He stormed right up to the front of the post office with Fluffle Puff close behind him. "This is it. Are you ready?" he asked the pink mare.

Fluffle Puff gave a single nod in response.

A glint of justice, or more likely, sociopathic rage burning in his eye, Dan gripped the handle of the post office door and pulled.

Slam! The door swung outward, smashing him against the wall like a mousetrap.

"I'll be back for the second batch in a few minutes!" Derpy called over her shoulder as she exited, quickly taking flight with a bag full of mail around her shoulders.

Dan, pancaked against the door and the side of the building when Derpy exited, peeled off the wall and collapsed on the ground in an excruciating heap. "Hrrr... urrrr...."

Fluffle Puff walked over to examine his twitching form. "Pbthhhbb?" Are you okay, Dan? Do you still want your lunch? "Thpppbbrrbbrr?" she prodded him. If you're not going to eat it, can I have it?

Lying on his back and dazed from pain, Dan watched as the mail mare flew away. "Come back, gray bird pony..." he said groggily.

Fluffle Puff splashed Dan with a bucket of water she got from literal convenience to this story.

Snapping back into full consciousness, Dan climbed to his feet and dried himself off. "Thank you. All right, let's go inside."

The enormous pink mare gasped, this time out of surprise rather than glee. She pulled at Dan's shoulders, trying to turn him around. Frantically, she pointed to Derpy buzzing about Ponyville on her mail route. What are you doing?! Stop! She's right behind us! That's the mare with the muffins flying down Drury Lane! I mean, Sugar Cube Corner! Dan!

But the biped was unaware of his friend's attempts at getting his attention. Opening the door a second time, he stepped inside. Sighing to herself, Fluffle Puff followed.





"All right!", Dan shouted his entrance upon ripping open the door, "Who's half-baked idea was it to put our mail in muffins?!"

Slowly, ponies in line turned their attention to the disgruntled biped fuming in the doorway. Mail clerks behind the front desk stopped what they were doing, a mustachioed Pegasus carrying a mailbag halted and hovered to see what the commotion was about.

"I SAID," Dan's voice boomed, "WHO PUT OUR MAIL INTO THE MUFFIN?" He didn't care about the quizzical looks; Dan was on a mission fully supported and authorized by Princess Twilight Sparkle.

But he didn't have to do more. A friendly green mare near the back of the line walked over to him. "Somepony baked your mail into a muffin?" she asked.

"YES!" Dan declared in a shout. "This is a clear violation of... uh, of..." Actually, Dan didn't know anything about postal service rules and regulations, on Equestria or otherwise. But he did know it wasn't exactly right to open your mailbox and find your letter pastries instead of postage. "... of our... personal property!"

"Oh, heheh," the mare chuckled. "That's just Derpy Hooves. She's quirky like that now and then."

"Quirky?! QUIRKY?!" Dan repeated in disbelief. Once again, it didn't seem ponies understood the full ramifications of a process they simply went along with. But when they relied on two sisters to raise and lower the sun and the moon, it didn't seem that big of a deal to just go with a lot of things, not that Dan cared. "What she's doing is DANGEROUS! What if she baked something important into a cake and the message became illegible as a result?!"

The mare shrugged. "She'd probably make sure to put it in afterward. Or leave it as the card attached."

Dan smacked himself in the forehead. Slowly, he wiped his face clean of disbelief, of awe. How could he possibly get through to these ponies? "Okay," he began again, "what if somepony opened up their mailbox-"

"Uh huh..." the mare nodded, following along.

"And they reach inside to discover a delicious slice of peace cobbler instead of an important package they were expecting." He pantomimed the action of opening a mailbox to help illustrate. "And without thinking, they eat the whole thing and don't realize they just swallowed-"

The mare raised her hoof. "Does it have to be peach cobbler?"

"No, what?" Dan stopped. "I'm just using that as an example; it really doesn't-"

"Can the example be apple pie?" she asked.

Dan pinched his brow. "It doesn't matter what it is..."

"I've actually had a lot of apple pie lately," another pony in line commented. "Can it be blueberry instead? Or cherry?"

"But I'm allergic to cherry," the mustachioed Pegasus commented.

"I'm trying to make a point here!" Dan raised his voice. "It could be ANY kind of pie but-"

"Does it have to be pie?"

"Oh, who asked you, Howard?"

"HEY!" Howard shouted back. "I have the same rights to voice my preferences as you do and I'm gonna-"

And so, the squabbling commenced. The line quickly became a crowd around Dan. He opened his mouth to try to shout over the ponies but quickly found himself overwhelmed and fighting for space in the small post office. Looking around, he also realized Fluffle Puff was no longer beside him.

"Wait, Fluffle Puff?!" Dan looked around. A bright, pink ball of fur, he found it hard to believe how often he and others lost track of her so easily all the time. "Fluffle Puff!"

The large pillow mare was conducting an investigation of her own. Over by the postage supplies, Fluffle was busy determining the taste and texture of each stamp. Finishing off a roll of pie-themed stamps, she tossed the remainder of them over her shoulder before reaching for another one.

"Fluffle Puff! What are you doing?" Dan shouted, spotting her.

"Blrbbbbth," Fluffle recoiled at the taste of another stamp. Okay, this is ridiculous. The cupcake ones don't taste like cupcakes, the orange ones don't taste like oranges, the banana cream pie ones don't taste ANYTHING like bananas, cream, pies, or ANY combination of the three. And yet, somehow the Hot Pocket ones do actually taste like Hot Pockets. What a ripoff.

Shoving his way out of the crowd, Dan made his way over to his puffy companion. All around her were used stamps, rolls covered in saliva and half-chewed envelopes. He stepped over and on a few of the ruined, discarded items. "Having some free samples, are we?"

The stamp-covered fluffy mair turned to him and said, with wide, sparkly, cute eyes, "Meep." You made me skip breakfast and I didn't want to eat lunch early. Also, none of this stuff takes like it's supposed to.

Dan took stock of Fluffle Puff's 'snacks' and let out an agitated sigh/groan. "If we have to pay for any of this stuff, I'm mailing you to a place you won't come back from."

"Pthhhp." Mail me to an amusement park. Or a waterpark. Wait... a waterpark IN an amusement park! NO! I've got it! An amusement park UNDERWATER! Yes! In space! And with a cake factory! And a chocolate-

Dan grabbed her by a stamp on the ear and dragged her away from the sales rack.

Hey! Ow, ow, wait! I haven't tried the strawberry ones yet!

"Let's get going before somepony mistakes you for packing peanuts," Dan said. With the crowd still arguing over deserts, there was no line at the counter any longer. Dan pulled Fluffle Puff with him all the way up to the service desk where an attendant waited. Although Dan hadn't noticed yet, said attendant wore an unamused expression that seemed to continue to lose amusement as the pair approached.

Dan released Fluffle Puff as he got to the counter, the large mare flopping to the floor like a beanbag chair made of hair. "Who do I talk to about your mail carriers?"

The attendant, a dark-brown stallion, blinked. "What is your question, sir?"

Dan shut his eyes hard and then opened them. "I just ASKED my question! WHO DO I TALK TO ABOUT YOUR MAIL CARRIERS?!"

The attendant closed his eyes for the duration of Dan's shouting. "What question is it you would LIKE TO ASK about our mail carriers, sir?" he clarified, his voice doing nothing to hide his irritation.

"I'd like to ask how your postal service is going to work after I've baked every last one of you into a pie!! I found a muffin in my mailbox and I want-"

"Derpy Hooves," the clerk said, cutting off Dan in the same tone as before.

"What was that?" Dan asked.

The attendant sighed. "Derpy Hooves, she does that."

"Does what?"

"She bakes muffins for ponies on her route."

Dan leaned over the counter. "Does she usually bake the MAIL into these muffins?!"

The stallion shrugged. "I don't know. You'd have to ask her."

"I DON'T WANT MY MAIL BAKED INTO MUFFINS!!" Dan shouted, not quite loud enough for the bold-italicized text I'm fond of for demonstrating Dan's vocal rage but pretty close.

"Oh," the apathetic attendant said, as if suddenly realizing something. "So, you're making a complaint?"

"YES! And I'm no-"

"You're going to have to speak to the help desk, it's over by deliveries," the stallion pointed him around the corner.

Dan looked to his left, past the ruined display to another area of the post office. "I thought I was in the line for the help desk!" he protested.

"No, this is the general information desk. You want general assistance over by deliveries receiving," he pointed again. "You're in the wrong line."

"Ngrrrrrrrrrrr..." Seething, Dan picked up Fluffle Puff again, this time by her side fluff and dragged her with him across the office. On the way, they passed the sales rack Fluffle Puff had used as a buffet. Or rather, they plowed through it, pushing through the items scattered on the floor. Fluffle somehow was cleared of all stamps by this action through the magic of cartoon scene transitioning. Cartoons: ignoring jump cuts since 1933.

Unlike the last attendant, the clerk at the desk next to the outgoing packages area had his back turned to them. He seemed to be occupied with a box at the foot of the shelves on the opposite side of the desk.

"Hello?" Dan announced his arrival. A second went by and the attendant didn't answer. "HELLO?! Are you going to answer me or not?!"

"I don't know!" the new clerk, a red donkey responded before turning to face him. "Is a brother even going to have TIME to answer his royal impatience?!"

"...wut?" Fluffle asked, dumbstruck.

"OH," the donkey exclaimed, throwing his hooves up, "I see how it is! You're too GOOD to wait for the black man to answer! You don't have any TIME for the black donkey! Black man can't even get a part in your My Little Pony crossover story! I see how it is! This is a messed-up world we're livin' in!"

"Wut..." Dan echoed at first. He shook his head, trying to process what this literal jackass just said. "But wait, we had Samule L. Jackson in the story. And Morgan Freeman was just in the last chapter!"

"OH," the donkey continued, almost ignoring the previous points, "so it's only the GOOD black actors you're allowing in this story. You're not willing to give any other proud, upstanding black man a start in fan fiction; it's just the GOOD ones you're interested in! What about Sinbad?!"

Dan was at a loss for words. "And... you are?"

"I'm Sendback!" the donkey replied angrily. "I'm actually a hardworking citizen, trying to be an upstanding member of my community, thank you very much."

"And this has WHAT to do with me being impatient with you?!"

Sendback practically reached out to prod Dan. "There's not a chance you'd be doing this to some white pony, some happy little blonde-maned, blue-eyed WHITE mare to answer all your questions with a happy, dimpled smile." The donkey brought his hooves together. "Oh, thank you so much for helping me, Mr. white man! You've been oh-so helpful, Mr. white man! You people make me sick!!"

"Ha," Dan actually got a chuckle out of the donkey's racist remarks. It lasted a moment before it was replaced by rage. He reached out and grabbed Sendback by the throat. "Listen, 'Mr. Upstanding Citizen.' I WOULD BE IMPATIENT WITH YOU CLOWNS IF I HAD TO COLOR YOU IN FIRST!!" 

Sendback clutched Dan's hands, terrified. This was clearly the wrong time to play the race card.

Dan looked him in the eyes. "You're going to tell me where I can find the mare that baked my mail into a muffin. Now."

As fortune would have it, Sendback looked over Dan and saw something that was incredibly convenient. Clutching with his left hoof, he pointed with his right to the door. "The...there..."

"I'm back everypony!" Derpy announced her arrival as she burst through the door. The crowd, still squabbling, was but a dull background noise against the gray pegasus' cheery voice.

Dan looked over his shoulder to confirm it was her. He then turned back to Sendback and smiled. "Thank you." In a single motion, his grip released and the red donkey dropped to the floor. Dan turned around and was already heading in Derpy's direction.

"My... ugh, pleasure," Sendback said, climbing the counter to help himself stand again. He rubbed his throat as he got up and noticed the pink fluffy pony had something for him. He picked up a small card. "What is this?"

"Thbbb thbb thhbbbmmmthbbbrrbbmmthhhuth." Mail me to an amusement park.





It wasn't often Twilight had the living room all to herself but with Dan and Fluffle Puff out and Spike and Chrys upstairs playing Destiny on Xbox One, she decided a little extra space might benefit her reading. Besides, it's not likely she would have it for very long.

She was reading more about the spell that would return her to unicorn form. It was one of the oldest spells she'd ever encountered and odd magic at that. The spell in question didn't actually transform her back into something she was, more so it simply separated her from the magic that made her an alicorn. It was clear though that this would have the desired effect, just that it was a bit more complicated than even age magic.

Her suspicions had been correct: the book that contained the spell to change her back to a unicorn was the same one that had been tossed at her by a stranger that day Dan was made bald by Trixie. She'd nearly lost it with all the havoc done to the library recently but now, she was beginning to think that all these things might not be a coincidence. Which is another reason she sent Dan and Fluffle out of the house.

Twilight brushed her hoof over the face of the tome. Imprinted clearly on the face of the tome were the words ARCANE APOLOGY written in bold. Compared to the rest of the cover though, the words seemed out of place in their design. They were a darker, raised black, the kind of illumination a modern publishing company would affix while the rest of the front and back were a dull blue almost faded to gray. Why would an older book have a modern illustration on it?

She opened the book for the third time to the page in question, an entire section of the book simply called "Divine Displacement". Unlike her other spell books, this one didn't seem to be written for a general audience- it was more like a diary of some sort. Notes were scribbled in areas, some passages and select words were underlined and others crossed out. The illustrations were clear but sometimes vague and all the figures seemed to focus on another unicorn mare with a very short mane.

The one thing that was clear about the spell in question was that in order to separate the magic from her, it had to go somewhere. The spell that made her an alicorn, Starswirl's destiny cure-all was what had changed her into an alicorn. It was unlocking magic that had combined with the Elements of Harmony and the magic of friendship to choose her to embody, making Twilight a sort of conduit for this new magic. Unfortunately, Twilight's body hadn't been ready to accept this sort of advancement, which is why the wings weren't comfortable.

Like the title imprinted on the book, her wings felt out of place. The entire book seemed to deal with that subject, things that were out of place, going so far as even to detail magic as it related to humans and other species. Each spell was a way of reversing, reverting or correcting something that had been altered some way... even if that way was by design. 

Twilight had a very strong feeling that whoever wrote this book was trying to change something, to fix something horrible that had been done to them or somepony close to them. A fate worse than death. What other reason would a pony have to play god?

Twilight closed the book again, finally deciding what she would do. As the spell had detailed, she would need a place for the excess magic to go. The Destiny Cure had made her the conduit for this magic but it had also made it unbalanced. It was a subtle difference, one easily compensated for but she could bring things back into balance by making a quick calibration. 

Using the Displacement spell, she could make it so each element was a way the magic of friendship could be channeled, an equalizer of sorts. Each element would have the ability to summon the others and the destiny magic that embodied Twilight would be shared. The excess amount of magic caused by the cure-all would be absorbed by the elements themselves, making them stronger. In theory.

She set the book in the center of the carpet on the floor, taking a deep breath to prepare for what she was about to do. Using her wings one last time, she flew the couch to the closet where the Elements of Harmony were kept. She reached out for the door knob but unfortunately couldn't stop herself, slamming into the closet door just a bit rougher than intended. One more reason she shouldn't have had the wings so early.

As she was about to open the door, another door opened, the front door.

"Thbbbbbbbbbbbbrmmmmmmmmm!!" Fluffle Puff ran through the living room on her hind legs, forelegs spread in imitation of a plane.

"Twilight!" Dan shouted, following after her. "No time to talk! We're borrowing your helicopter!"

"I-okay," Twilight responded a tad too quickly. "Wait, I have helicopter?!"

"We have a helicopter," Dan corrected as he passed her. "It's in the hangar next to the Fluffmobile." The human followed the puffball mare as they opened a door at the foot of the staircase and exited the living room.

Twilight turned around, now wondering what was up, or what was going up. "Wait, Dan- when did we get a helicopter?" She dashed over to the door and opened it. Beyond was a hallway that definitely hadn't been there before. Adjoining rooms lined the corridor each with a sign above it indicated what was beyond. The hangar was second on the right next to the armory. Further down were a set of elevators though Twilight could only guess where they lead.

The purple pony shook her head in disbelief. "Where did this come from? When did we get a hangar?! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY HOUSE?!!"

"Exactly what you'd have done if it had been your idea," Dan said with a smile. He patted his distressed friend's mane and then dashed back down the hallway to the hangar.

Twilight slammed her eyes shut, then the door. "IF IT HAD BEEN MY IDEA, I'D HAVE HAD MY HEAD EXAMINED!!"

Even though they had only been completed a couple days ago, the modifications to the Golden Oaks library, or GORAD as Dan now called it, were already ready for use by all members of the household. Dan, Chrys, Twilight and Fluffle Puff all had access to the new additions Dan had made to the house, though Spike's permissions were restricted for obvious mare-obsessed-baby-dragon-related reasons. 

Chrys had insisted that there be a "private planning room" for just she and Dan to use... and maybe Twilight and Fluffle if they swung that way. Maybe. Seriously, you try being a being that can literally be anypony for a thousand years and not get bored with the same "planning" as easily. That might've been why Chrys was so interested in "making plans" with Dan but really, she knew herself better than that. Even though she'd just recently learned how to really feel love, she still felt something special for Dan. Despite the tracking systems, she knew Dan had no idea which is why she'd suggested somewhere private for them to discuss it.

And Dan had declined. He did, however, set up a separate room for some kind of device called the "WOPR" near the war room, adjacent to Mr. Coffee and Mr. Radar. Some kind of contraption he'd ordered off of Amazon that was supposed to plan for global thermonuclear war but all it really did was want to play chess. Never got his name right either; the thing kept calling him Professor Falken and called itself something else. If only Dan had known the full extent of Magic Gear then, he probably wouldn't have taken a sledgehammer to it after 'Joshua' had beaten him at tic-tac toe for the third time. Or maybe he still would have.

"Thmmmmmmmmmthmmthmthmthm!!" Fluffle Puff circled the purple chopper sitting in the hangar bay, eager to takeoff.

Dan hit a button on the wall by the entrance next to the dimmer switch. Because EVERY light needs a dimmer switch. A split in the ceiling formed and two massive roof panels began to retract, opening up to a blue sky above. Along with Fluffle, he piled in to the small, two-seat purple helicopter shaped oddly like Twilight's head with eyes for windows.

While it wasn't the only vehicle in the hangar, the Fluffmobile was more of a go kart Fluffle had painted pick and attached glitter and fluff to. Apart from that, the Y-Wing was only a one-seater, the A-Team's van was up on blocks after Hannibal's last stunt with it and Dan hadn't taken his Delorean to 2015 Hill Valley to get it hover-converted yet. But it was on his list of things. Or list of movie references, whatever was funnier.

Dan's preflight checklist involved him pressing a button next to the yolk marked "ON" above a similarly labeled off button. In an instant, the rotors began to spin, papers and loose items scattered around the hangar floor began to flutter away and the Twilicopter gained lift.

"You strapped in, Fluffle?" Dan asked his copilot.

"Thbb," Fluffle replied.

Dan looked over to confirm that Fluffle Puff was secure. And she was. Upside down. He shrugged. "Good enough. Let's go!"

From the second window, Chrys and Spike were too busy arguing over something in Destiny to notice their friends flying away in a purple Twilight-themed helicopter. Twilight herself was busy having a nervous breakdown throughout the different parts of her newly-renovated library, opening doors and gasping in shock/awe of what lay beyond. Until she found Spike's shrine to Rarity. Although the massive, sculpted marble statue captured Rarity's likeness in the same magnitude of Michael Angelo's David, Twilight honestly had seen it coming.

The Twilicopter soared over Ponyville as easily as a Pegasus taking flight. In fact, several did, because Dan's aggressive piloting nearly saw them plowed by the small craft's blades. Dan flew through clouds, over buildings and completed a loop around the town, satisfied with his flying.

For some reason, the chopper's easy controls reminded Dan of his car back on Earth, one of the few things he missed. Unfortunately, it had been impounded shortly before the plane trip to Canada that would see him transported to Equestria. But with his own helicopter, why would he ever need to drive again? Dan had actually assembled the Twilicopter himself after mailing in the necessary box tops and waiting 4-6 weeks. Now, the thought of the next thing he ordered by mail being baked into a muffin propelled him to Clousdale, to Derpy Hooves.

The location of Cloudsdale was never exact; like a satellite, the floating city was in constant motion in the skies overhead though this was by design rather than by nature. Because of the pegasi's constant need to monitor and control weather activity, Cloudsdale moved throughout the day based on the position of the sun. On a "Sunny" day, the city would begin in the South and then circle around Ponyville as if moved by the hands of an enormous clock and would spin so that it always faced Canterlot. If the day called for another form of weather like rain or snow, the city's course would shift accordingly to deliver or provide support for the intended weather operation. All under the control of the pegasi, and by extension, the Princesses.

It didn't take long for Dan to find Cloudsdale. Even without a compass and general knowledge, pegasi were always traveling to and from the cloud town creating a supply line in the sky. Dan spotted the city at the same altitude it always was at and began moving towards its position.

Barreling towards the city, Dan thought it would be fun to buzz the rooftops one more time.

"What do you say we wake the neighbors?"

"Thrrrb." I was actually hoping for an Airwolf reference but hey, I'll settle for GTA.

Dan grinned and tilted the controls forward. The Twilicopter blew past several houses and Miss Cheerilee's schoolhouse, blowing the flag of Equestria around the pole. Unfortunately, Dan didn't notice a certain group of fillies playing in he schoolyard, one of them using a loopty hoop.

"No, it's like this!" Applebloom tried to demonstrate even though her friends still had the hoop.

"You're doing it wrong!" Scootaloo argued.

Sweetie Belle squeezed the metal ring, not sure what to make of it. "Let me try something!"

"No! You're gunna break it!" Applebloom grabbed it.

"Get off!"

Inevitably, they squeezed the ring and it got away from them. Being a light material, it didn't take much to send it flying and flying it went. The Cutie Mark Crusaders followed it in the air with their eyes, waiting for it to fall back to the ground. And it would have if a certain purple helicopter hadn't been flying dangerously low to the ground that very moment.

"What the-"

"THRRBB!" Don't fly through it; it's not a checkpoint!

It wasn't space and it wasn't a Star Fox reference so flying into the silver ring did nothing but knock their rotors out of alignment and send them into a tailspin. The metal ring ricocheted off the Twilicopter's blades and landed on the flagpole.

"Ringer!" Sweetie Belle said. 

"Nice one!" Scootaloo remarked. The three fillies capped hooves.

But in the cockpit of the Twilicopter, Dan and Fluffle Puff were anything but celebrating.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

"THBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB!!!!!" You three little stooges! You might as well say 'cutie mark crusaders small aircraft disaster yay!'

Somewhere by a pool in Station Square, Sonic the Hedgehog had his own comment to make: "Watch out! You're gonna crash! Ahhh!"

Dan fought the controls as alarms blared in the cockpit. Fluffle Puff came unbound from her restraints and began bouncing about the enclosed space like rubber ball. The world spun as the Twilicopter lost altitude, falling out of the sky with all the grace of a bird shot in midair.

And at that same time, Wub Way was experiencing a slow period. Octavia was taking the time to clean the outside windows while her friend and hetero lifemate Jay Vinyl Scratch cleaned the inside.

"Hey! Hey, Tavi!" Vinyl called from inside the store.

Frowning, Octavia looked up from her cleaning to answer Vinyl. "What?"

Vinyl took a deep breath and pressed her muzzle against the glass. She blew hard and her eyes went wide, making faces in the glass.
"Aw uhn alien!"

Octavia sighed heavily. "You realize you're making more work for us to do, right?!"

The white unicorn removed her face from the glass. "What's wrong, Tavi?" she snickered. "I thought you said the windows should be so clean you could see your face in them!"

"But that was YOUR face, Vinyl," she reminded her best friend.

Vinyl shrugged. "Well, I was doing my best alien impression."

Octavia facehooved for the third time that day. Little did she know, the fourth was right around the corner. Or rather, eighteen feet above her and falling rapidly. She would've known if she'd looked down to see the shadow growing at her hooves.

The Twilicopter crashed through the ceiling of Wub Way, demolishing both the vehicle and the building in an instant. Shelves of CDs and ipods were knocked over, lights and panels from the roof exploded and fell to the floor. Dan and Fluffle Puff bailed out of the chopper or were thrown from it, two airbags deploying just after the crash.

"WHAT THE BUCK?!" Vinyl shouted.

"SWEET CELESTIA'S NON-CANON MOTHER!" Octavia screamed. The two mares jumped out of the wreckage, retreating to safe distance.

Slowly, the rotating blades of the Twilicopter spun to a halt. The chopper hung from the ceiling like a fish on a spear, drooping from the damage it had suffered on impact. Sparks and flames marked the edges of the hole in the ceiling and on the rotor as Dan and Fluffle walked towards the entrance.

"Wha... what did you two do?!!" Octavia asked, stunned.

"Thrmmbbrbb," Fluffle said back. We landed.

"Dan- hey wait!" Vinyl called after the two as they walked past them. "What the hay are you gonna do about our store?!"

Dan didn't even turn back. "I'm going to get a new helicopter from Hay Mart. Or ask Twilight for the wing spell, whichever comes first. If you both recall, YOU TWO are the reason we had to fix the library over the past couple episodes." He cast a glance over his shoulder at them. "So now we're even. If you want my insurance information, it's in the glove compartment."

The two distraught mares walked out of their destroyed store, slack-jawed. The two watched as the pilots of the downed vehicle just walked away and they realized there was nothing they could do to stop them.

Slowly, Vinyl turned back to the front of Wub Way. "Hey, at least the windows are still clean."

Octavia was about to remark on that fact when the Twilicopter exploded.

BABOOOOOM!!!

While the blast wasn't powerful enough to hurt Vinyl or Octavia, it was strong enough to shatter the windows at the front of the store. The two mares retreated into the street as their building collapsed in front of them into a burning pile of music and music playing devices.

"Oh," Dan shouted back at them from down the street, "and don't ask Flim and Flam to help you fix that."





Having located another helicopter, Dan and Fluffle resumed their trip to Cloudsdale without delay. Dan did ask Twilight about using the wing spell to get there but then Twilight asked where the Twilicopter was. And Dan had left quietly after that, neither of them receiving an answer to either of their questions. Dan and Fluffle then quickly went to Hay Mart where they bought another quick-assemble helicopter. Somepony in front of them in line used their membership card for them saving Dan 15% on his purchase.

Soon after taking flight, the city of Cloudsdale was before them. They experienced significantly less shenanigans than their previous allowing them to travel unhindered.

Dan had actually been to Cloudsdale before though he hadn't known it. He passed by, or rather through, the city on his way into Equestria over three years ago. It just so happened Rainbow Dash had been flying around the city and spotted the young man plummeting to his doom that allowed her to intervene and save him. Shortly after meeting him, Twilight had given him the cloud walking spell in the event that anything like that ever happened again. For once, a little magical preparation paid off.

There were landing pads for vehicles in Cloudsdale but not in the central square where Dan was landing. Pegasi had to dodge Dan's chopper as it touched down in the middle of town, sitting its struts into the cloudy surface as he and Fluffle Puff disembarked.

"Now to find where our local gourmet mail maker lives," Dan said, hopping out.

Fluffle Puff gasped as her hooves hit the clouds. Every. Thing. Is. Fluffy. WHY DO I NOT LIVE HERE?

Dan looked around, searching for any sign of the Pegasus perpetrator. Cloudsdale was primarily divided between the residential area and the industrial area; the location of pegasi and other flying creatures' homes and where they created and regulated weather respectively. Dan and Fluffle had managed to land on the hub that connected both areas, a central wheel of cloudy road that also led to the stadium and training areas.

"Where should we start looking?" Dan asked his fluffy accomplice.

While hopping about, Fluffle noticed a layout of the town near the center of the square. "Pbthh." Hey Dan, there's a map over-

"If I was a Pegasus delivering mail... and muffins, where would I be?" Dan asked himself.

"Pbthh pbtth!" Fluffle pointed to the map and waved at Dan, trying to get his attention.

The pale human turned his attention away, still deep in thought. "There's no bakery in Equestria that would allow a letter to be baked into something, except for Pinkie but she signs all of her deserts when she makes them. So it can't be her... which means, the muffin Derpy delivered to us had to have been homemade."

"Thbbb? Thbb thrbb thuub!" Dan? Hello, Dan? Over here! This map even shows right where Der-

"So if it's a homemade muffin," Dan continued, "she probably has a lot of other baking supplies at her house. Flour, eggs, yeast and ovens. Now, most of that stuff she can get from Ponyville but an oven that can reach the heat to bake something at this altitude would need special parts..."

"THHHHUUUUUUUUUB!!" DAAAAAAAAAAAAN!

"Which means," Dan started pacing, "she'd need to go to some kind of repair shop every now and then, and being a mail mare it would probably be one with a catalogue. And if I know my appliance stores, I know the only one that has a catalogue and might have the parts for that kind of specialty equipment would be Hay Mart, like the one we were just at," Dan surmised. "If only we'd gotten a catalogue. Oh well. Fluffle Puff! Back in the chopper, we're going back to Hay Mart."

"Grrrrrrrrrrrrr," Fluffle growled. I really hate being the mute sidekick sometimes. She trotted over to Dan, grabbed him by the sides of his head and pointed him to the map.

"Oh hey, a map," Dan remarked.

Fluffle facehooved.

The human approached the town layout in the center of the square, taking a moment to determine where he was first. As Dan studied the map, Fluffle Puff's attention span depleted and she began rolling about on the clouds.

"All right, it looks like she's on the east side of town. We have a good chance of finding her if we cut down center street and then take a sky taxi to the houses on the edge of town," Dan thought aloud, rubbing his chin as he formed his plan.

Wheee!! Fluffle had managed to wrap herself in cloud and continued rolling back and fourth while Dan was engrossed. IT'S SOFTER THAN I AM! I MUST HAVE IT ALL!

Before Dan was done examining the map, he noticed the words Cloudsdale- Semper Aegis Caelum printed in bold at the top of the layout. Although curious, he didn't pay the phrase much thought as he turned to see Fluffle Puff playing.

"Fluffle Puff..." Dan began, his voice a tad stern.

"Thbb?" Yes, Dan? Fluffle stopped rolling, leaving her upside down and covered in white with only her head poking out.

Rather than get mad or frustrated at Fluffle's lack of seriousness, Dan broke out into a smile. "It's a good thing Twilight hit us with the cloud walking spell before we got here. Otherwise, you'd probably be on your way back to Ponyville now."

Fluffle gasped and giggled in agreement. Then, she suddenly stopped. "Thbbb thpp thmm." But you know, something's bothering me.

"What's that?" Dan asked, somehow understanding her.

"Thmm thngg thmm thbb thbb thbb," Fluffle sputtered. If we're able to walk up here because of the cloud walking spell, how is the helicopter still staying up?

"Huh. We'll maybe it's because-" Dan was about to suggest something when the helicopter chimed in with a suggestion of its own. Or rather, its tail slowly dipped into the clouds and the vehicle dropped like a stone through the city street. With no one at the controls, the helicopter plummeted back down to Equestria's surface.

Dan pinched his eyes shut. "Why? WHY DOES IT SEEM that EVERYTHING in this world makes sense ONLY WHEN IT WANTS TO?! It's like magic makes sense one second and then conveniently makes NO SENSE just to PISS ME OFF!!"

The helicopter continued falling from the sky, tumbling end over end as it did so. Being as Ponyville was directly underneath Cloudsdale, there was only one place for it to fall to.

"OH, I see how it is!" Sendback yelled over the phone. His voice echoed through the empty Ponyville post office. "I see EXACTLY how it is! You're gonna put the black man on hold, aren't ya? You're gonna put the hardworking BLACK donkey on hold so you can go talk to the other little WHITE equines. I see how it is!"

The voice on the other end had long since cutout to be replaced by hold music, coincidentally the theme of Friendship is Magic.

"You'd NEVER do this if I was a white donkey! If I was a white ANYTHING, you would've been more than happy to take my call! 'Oh, how can we help you Mr. White Man? Would you like express service, Mr. White Man? If it had been ANYPONY else, you would've flown in here like I was-"

KABOOOOOOOOM!! The helicopter plunged through the rough of the post office, destroying everything in the center of the building, knocking over displays, showering everything in sparks, smoke and flames but once again miraculously harming not a single living thing.

Slowly, Sendback got up from behind his desk, now holding a disconnected phone in his right hoof. "I'm gonna have to call you back," he said into the phone. "Black man needs to call his insurance agent."

Far above Ponyville, Dan and Fluffle remained oblivious of the havoc below. "Great. Now we're going to have to find another way safely back to the ground AFTER we find Derpy. So… where do we start?"

"Thmmmm…" Fluffle rubbed her chin. Maybe we should find a map or-

"Hey, you guys flying," Dan stopped a pair of pegasi. "You two know where I can find a mail mare?"

The first one, an orange stallion pegasus with a white chest, black hooves, a brown mane and white wings with a red stripe in the middle pointed over behind him. "Derpy just came by this way, if you're looking for her."

"Did she miss a delivery?" the pony behind him asked.

"No, she missed a deliverer. Me. But I'm here to correct that mistake," Dan said in a hostile voice.

"I see," the orange pony said, apparently picking up some of Dan's displeasure. "And who is this you're with?"

"Thbb-thbb!" EVERYTHING IS FLUFFY! She rolled off of a cloud-shaped ramp and through a cloud column, disrupting its architecture.

Dan pointed a thumb over his shoulder. "That's Fluffle Puff, the incarnation of a hurricane of snuggly fluff. I'm Dan, part-time delivery guy and royal guard captain."

"I'm Commander Edge Antares," the orange pegasus said. His cutie mark was a series of bolts pointing upward at a diagonal angle like arrows racing into the sky. "This is my wing pony, Lieutenant West Chancing. We're with the Equestrian Air Patrol. We keep watch on the borders and take care of any unauthorized traffic in or out of Equestria. Mostly we deal with griffon pirates to the west or fake donkey insurance agents to the south."

The other stallion, a yellow pony with a blue mane, winked at the two of them. "Yub yub, guys. Welcome to Cloudsdale."

"You may want to watch your step around here, captain," Edge said, his voice in a warning tone. "The Storm Enclave's really tightened up on security since the incident at Canterlot a couple weeks ago. They're not really fond of surface dwellers coming to Cloudsdale unannounced."

"I appreciate the heads up," Dan said. "Since you're a commander, would you be able to straighten out any, shall we say, inconveniences while I'm up here?"

Edge shrugged. "We would but we'd also have to report you right now. Which would mean we'd have to escort you to the main office right now to register your arrival. Which would waste time."

"And your mail mare would be further away," West added.

Dan nodded, understanding what the two ponies were saying. "I gotcha."

Edge smiled. "Since my wing pony and I were about to head out on patrol, it wouldn't make sense to report this sighting now and possibly be late for our very-important reconnaissance. So, I'll have to ask both of you to take care of that yourselves while you're here."

"I understand, sir," Dan said with a resolute grin. It was clear the two other ponies were letting them off so that they could continue their business undeterred. It wasn't often Dan found a pony like him but he was happy to meet one. "Thank you, Commander Antares. Best of luck on your patrol."

"Likewise, Captain Dan," Edge said, saluted and flew off with his wing pony.

"I like those guys," Dan said. "Unfortunately, I'm just now remembering we didn't ask him where we could find another helicopter. Not that the magic keeping it up would probably last long enough for us to fly it home. It would probably fade just as soon as we got there," he sighed. "Why does magic never work?"

"Thpp!" Fluffle ran over and grabbed Dan by the shoulders. Don't say that, Dan! Magic DOES work! 

"Yeah?" Dan asked. "Tell me that when you come up with a spell to find Derpy Hooves."

Fluffle's eyes narrowed. From her utility fluff, she retrieved her toy unicorn horn and tied it around her forehead.

"Ha," Dan laughed. "What are you going to do with that? Is Derpy magnetic now and that horn is part of a compass? What good do you think that'll do?"

Fluffle grinned. "Pbhhhbb." This.

"Hey, wai- what are you doing?!?" The fluffy pony picked up Dan, put him on her back and began hopping down the street to Derpy's house.

"Wait! I can walk on my own!" Dan pleaded, helplessly stuck to Fluffle's back somehow. Tilting his head back, he soon saw how they would reach the residential area of town. "NO! NOT THE RAINBOWS!"

"THBBBB!!" Yes, the rainbows!

"No!"

YUS!





The residential area of Cloudsdale was usually a bustle of activity, similar to the streets of Ponyville and Canterlot. Unlike her sister cities, however, Cloudsdale didn't see a lot of vehicle traffic, but for some reason, today the streets had been cordoned off. A crowd of pegasi, the majority of those that lived and worked in the city, had assembled in the streets for some kind of demonstration. While many hadn't known what they were going to see when they first approached, most of them were now too captivated by the strange lab coat-wearing, brown earth pony that dominated the stage. They watched in awe as he walked on his two metal back legs and gestured with two equally metal-looking claws on his front hooves.

From the moment he started speaking, Vice Grip knew he had them eating out of the palms of his steel hands. "Cloudsdale cares about the future," he proclaimed to the crowd. "Each and every one of you, pegasi who create the weather, who control the atmosphere, who regulate our very environment, of all the creatures who live in Equestria, it is all of YOU who care about the future of our world the most."

Many didn't know what to think of his speech, many talked amongst themselves, a few agreed. Unlike crowds in Ponyville, dozens of pegasi hovered above the others, creating a layered-audience that even veteran public speakers might find daunting. But Vice showed no signs of nervousness. No matter how high or how low they were, he spoke to them like he was on their level. When he thought quite the opposite.

"Earth ponies like myself know how important your contributions are," he held his gauntlet over his heart. "Together, our three races have held our nation up for centuries. But my friends, there are storms on the horizon and it is not the farmers or the arcanists who can see them coming. No, my fellow ponies, it is you."

Silence fell over the crowd. All eyes were glued now on the pony who was on the stage.

"Pegasi are the ones who give us the weather, Pegasi are the ones that clear the skies, Pegasi are that ones that make it rain, make it snow and make it so that the sun can truly shine!"

Pegasi cheered, hollered and applauded as the stranger complemented them. What Vice was saying was true and slowly, a sense of pride began to overtake some of the skeptics in the audience.

"But, there are some things you can't control," Vice's tone turned serious. "Rogue storms. Natural disasters. Fires, earthquakes, renegade weather, giant monsters, pestilence, famine and disease. These problems have plagued Equestria in the past and for all you do for us on the surface, there are some things, sadly, that you cannot predict. Things that you cannot see coming and when they arrive... you cannot stop them."

The cheering died and the crowd became silent again. Once more, Vice spoke the truth. Indeed, many pegasi were troubled by their inability to control some natural disasters. Hurricanes, tornadoes, storms of all kinds that cropped up now and then, they slipped by the pegasi. It was the pegasi's responsibility to control the weather so when a rogue storm caused damage, it was the fault of the winged ones. Every one of them that could've done something.

From the day it was founded by Commander Hurricane, Cloudsdale had been envisioned as more of a military installation rather than a city. Although she had been reluctant to cooperate with the other tribes at first, the leader of the pegasi oversaw the construction and completion of Cloudsdale during her time. Commander Hurricane designed the city to be a flying fortress that monitored and controlled every air current, everything that attempted to get off the ground from birds to balloons. Her motto had been "Aegis Semper Caelum"- Defend Always our Skies. Many pegasi today still believed in Hurricane's vision.

"However," Vice suddenly announced, "my friends, I'm happy to tell you that you aren't the only ones who have been planning for the future. My organization, Future Integrations Stable-Tec or FIST, is right now at this very moment working hard to bring us all a brighter future today!"

The blue curtains on the stage behind Vice Grip pulled back to reveal several other ponies, all pegasi. They all wheeled various contraptions and components onto the stage: one appeared to be a suit of armor, another some kind of transparent globe mounted on top of a clock and another one looked like a mechanical parasprite- only about five times the size of a normal parasprite.

Lightning Claw glared at the crowd as he pushed out the Mk-1 Hailstorm Power Armor suit. It had been a while since he'd found himself in Cloudsdale and wasn't too keen on coming back after the accident. And he hadn't been the only one Vice had requested come with him to Cloudsdale; other pegasi were already there when Claw had arrived, setting up for the demonstration. He hadn't seen any of these ponies before but they weren't apparently part of FIST. They were something else entirely.

Vice took the center stage as his inventions were carted forward. A sea of wide eyes was accompanied by crashing waves of "oohs" and "ahhs" as the pegasi gazed at the spectacles. Like moths drawn to a flame, the winged citizens of Cloudsdale came closer to the stage, filling out the space around it quickly.

"Imagine all the problems of today as things of the past. Imagine a world where controlling the weather is as easy as flapping your own wings. With the flick of a hoof, you can now control any cloud, make it go anywhere and produce any type of weather at any time," Vice decreed. "Sounds like a thing of the future, right?" he asked the crowd. Then with a grin, answered his own question. "Exactly."

Claw hadn't been briefed on what would happen at the demonstration. As usual, he'd been told to show up and then he'd been told to carry things. With FIST, he'd learned to expect the unexpected but even he was surprised when Vice stepped to the side as another pony took the stage.

A light-green Pegasus mare with an odd-looking short-cut fiery mane stepped forward. Her cutie mark appeared to be a coiled spring with a lightning ball on top of it, almost like the contraption Vice kept referring to as a Tesla coil. From her own cart full of prototype innovations, she withdrew some kind of cuff-like object and slipped it over her right foreleg. It attached around with an audible clack. From his vantage point, Lightning Claw couldn't see very well but he could tell she was manipulating something on it.

"Captain Springer of Cloudsdale's very own Storm Enclave has agreed to demonstrate our latest creation for weather control- the ClipBuck!" Vice announced.

Officially, the Storm Enclave was a group that administered flight training to young pegasi, griffons and other creatures with wings, monitored air traffic in Cloudsdale and provided security and protection for the various citizens of Equestria from the upper atmosphere to the surface. Unofficially, they were an organization founded by Commander Hurricane herself with the goal of keeping Equestria, and the pegasi especially, prepared in the event of an invasion or attack. While most pegasi didn't know the full extent of the Enclave's purpose, more than a few were a part of it, including some that didn't live in Cloudsdale.

Convincing an army to simply lay down their arms and become civilians was difficult at best, almost impossible and prone to starting violent conflict at the worst. When Commander Hurricane agreed to unite her tribe with the other two during the founding of Equestria, she had also been asked by the other tribe leaders to disband the army every Pegasus was a part of. Having just overcome a famine through friendship, discovered a new land with which to live in and relying on the other tribes to survive, Commander Hurricane and her tribe were in no position to debate.

Commander Hurricane had been more than reluctant at first. Without armed forces, they left their new, fledgling nation of Equestria vulnerable to attack. But the other tribe leaders convinced her that if the threat of war came, the ponies would protect their world together, united. It was settled. For most, anyway.

The crowd backed away as Captain Springer approached the edge of the stage. "Since we pegasi first started to control the weather, we've had to use our hooves. Telekinesis, levitation, magic that could help us move the clouds has always been something beyond our reach," she addressed the crowd in a serious tone. Satisfied with the settings, the captain raised her hoof and pointed it at a cloud just above a rooftop.

"Today, that changes!" With a downward twitch of her hoof, she launched a blue disk-shaped pulse from the side of her ClipBuck. It cut through the sky with a warbling swish. The wayward cloud was struck, glowing blue for only a second before returning to normal. Dazzled and more than a little startled, the crowd eyed the target in anticipation. Not even Lightning Claw knew what would happen next but Vice Grip did.

The captain keyed the controls of the ClipBuck, typing in the commands. "Now, every cloud can be controlled with just the push of a button," she explained. Using the ClipBuck as a remote control, she made the cloud fly over the pegasi just in front of the stage. She made it do tricks, loops all as easy as controlling a remote control car or plane. Ponies watched in amazement as she pointed and the cloud obeyed her. It was science fiction come to life.

"That's not all! If we're short of rain clouds we need for a forecast," she keyed in a different set of commands. Pegasi watched as the white cloud turned grey. "With a ClipBuck, we can now change one type of cloud to another to suit our needs! No more looking for the right cloud for the job when every one of them can be made to do anything we need!" Instantly, the cloud started raining, showering the crowd. Pegasi opened their mouths to catch the rain, refreshing themselves while others hid their manes for fear of getting wet.

Vice Grip stepped back towards the middle of the stage. "Rain, sleet, snow, hail, the ClipBuck never fails to deliver the weather you need. Even lightning and cyclones can all be controlled with a single shot!" The crowd applauded, clapping their hooves rather than stomping the clouds underneath them. "And because it controls the size of the cloud, there's no chance of accidentally creating a major weather hazard. Safety is FIST's and the Storm Enclave's number-one priority!"

Tapping the screen again, Captain Springer changed the cloud back to its regular form. The only thunder to be heard came from the audience who cheered her on. Allowing herself a rare smile, the Enclave captain took a short bow before stepping back from the edge of the stage.

"Very nice," Vice announced. "Let's give it up for Captain Springer demonstrating the new ClipBuck!" He joined in, applauding her by clapping with his own metal gauntlets. 

She turned back to the crowd, her smile diminishing fast as her expression returned to its normal serious tone. 

Upon the founding of Equestria and the creation of Cloudsdale, Commander Hurricane ended generations of military tradition by removing her helmet and abolishing the Grand Pegasus Army as an institution. But changing her tribe's way of life was not that easy. Every Pegasus had been a soldier, a warrior and defender of a nation as wild and free as the sky itself. The pegasi were a nation of ponies determined to tame the sky for all. Many nearly refused to lay down their arms, to abandon their way of life for something new even if it was peace.

Secretly, Commander Hurricane founded the Storm Enclave as a way to preserve the pegasi's military culture. Cloudsdale was crafted to be the ultimate defense, the first line of defense for Equestria and new generations of pegasi would be trained to protect it. The pegasi's way of life was shifted from defense of the borders to management of the skies, from military dominance to industrial regulation. Slowly, the winged ponies adapted to the new challenge and the Storm Enclave eased that transition by continuing to give pegasi military training and equipment. The spirit of the Grand Pegasus Army lived on as the Storm Enclave.

But the Enclave never forgot its true purpose. To provide Equestria with a better defense than the one it had, to protect their skies and their lands from the storm whenever it arrived. Commander Hurricane's words, "Aegis Semper Caelum" were taught to every pegasi whether they were born on the ground or in the skies. And if anything happened to Cloudsdale or Equestria, the Enclave would move in to administer and establish swift control over all the land. By any means necessary.

"Good job, Green," Lightning Claw whispered to Captain Springer. She shot him a gruff glance, an indecipherable expression only years of military training, drills and discipline could create. The experimental Pegasus just shrugged back at her.

Pleased, Vice Grip chose that moment to bestow some praise on one of his newest associates when a pony from the crowd interrupted him.

"Can it make rainbows?" a Pegasus by the stage asked.

Hesitant, Vice turned around.

"The clippy-thing, can it make rainbows?" he asked again. Already, pegasi in the audience harped on that question and curiosity spread through the assembly like wildfire. Excited murmurs and skeptical conversation grew loud as Vice struggled to think of an answer.

"This is just a prototype," Vice explained. "We're still developing the ClipBuck and doing our best to meet the needs of every pegasi. Designing new forms and new types of weather is on the table but we're working on one model at a time, thank you."

The crowd's in-talking continued, some satisfied with the answer, others not. It had been an oversight on his part, not adding controls to produce rainbows. At this point, Vice wasn't even sure if he could without the proper materials. He began to feel nervous as the audience's doubt pressed in on him. 

And that was when Captain Springer stepped forward. "The ClipBuck is designed to help pegasi better manage the weather on an individual scale," she declared. "The factories and plants of Cloudsdale still create the weather, rainbows included. Make no mistake; we need devices like the ones FIST is making to better control the skies and protect against rogue storms. We NEED this, Cloudsdale. It's something that could benefit us all."

Vice breathed a sigh of relief. It seemed her words had won over more than a few. His new ally was resourceful, something he was very thankful for. Vice Grip needed ponies like Springer if his future for Equestria could ever be realized. Maybe even the entire Enclave.

Privately, Captain Springer had her own reasons for wanting Equestria to change. Not every Pegasus was part of the Enclave even if they were trained by them. Only elite Pegasus or those with exceptional skill were permitted to join, ponies like Springer. Being part of the almost-secret organization meant preparing for a storm that might never come, the threat of war on the horizon they couldn't see. But to Captain Springer, the storms were already here.

"There will be time for questions after the demonstration; let's carry on, shall we?" Vice motioned to the assembly. "Now, another feature of the ClipBuck we want to talk to you about is called the 'Optically Assisted Target Evaluation System' or O.A.T.E.S, for short. With this system and the appropriate number of action points you can...-"

Springer let Vice have the floor again. She herself watched to make sure every eye followed him as he explained. Hopefully, enough of them would understand how important these innovations were, how much they needed them.

Nightmare Moon's return, Discord's return, the Changeling's return, Equestria had been besieged by many threats already, many of which Springer believed could've been stopped, even averted if the proper response had been given. The princesses relied on magic to solve their problems even when it CAUSED many of their problems. There HAD to be a better way. Magic they only barely understood was supposed to protect them? The idea was laughable. No, there were so many problems that a military response could've solved already, threats that could've been ended before they caused real damage. If the Pegasus Army had been intact, that is.

Captain Springer looked out into the crowd, to the ponies she'd sworn to protect. They deserved her loyalty, not the magic-users and cultists on the ground that constantly blundered into things and endangered the whole world, not the princesses who did nothing, who sat complacent on their thrones waiting for magic to provide an answer. If Commander Hurricane was here, she would marshal the ponies in times of hardship. Commander Hurricane would've defeated Nightmare Moon with an army of pegasi, she would've ended Discord's resurgent reign and rid the sky of chaos through direct and decisive control, she would've blown the changelings out of Canterlot with a storm the likes of which Equestria had never seen. 

But Commander Hurricane wasn't here. And Springer was just a captain.





The demonstration was about to continue when the crowd started to shift. Something behind them and down another street was drawing their attention. Pegasi shifted their heads and turned around to see what the commotion was about.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!" Dan's wail drew the assembly's attention as Fluffle Puff dragged him into view.

Fluffle Puff herself was still in delight as she bolted down the alley, running as fast as her fluffy legs could carry her. She hadn't been able to find rainbows to dance on but had in fact found some rainbow-colored wallpaper. Trying to imitate Rainbow Dash now, Dan had become entangled when the fluffy mare ran off with them.

"What is that?" the pegasi began to wonder at the spectacle behind them.

"Sure is loud."

"Is this part of the demonstration?"

"No," Vice Grip answered, not loud enough for any of the audience to hear him. His eyes narrowed as he fixated on the two new arrivals disrupting his presentation. "It's Dan."

"Dan?" Lightning Claw asked. "What's he doing here?"

Vice spun around. "I don't know but we can't let him recognize you. Get out of sight- now."

Rather than risk attempting a spell, Lightning Claw took that moment to duck behind the curtains of the stage. Humans may have been backwards and primitive but Dan wasn't an idiot. Lightning Claw had attacked him and though he didn't know he was involved with FIST, if he saw them together, it wouldn't be long before he made the connection. Vice needed more time.

Captain Springer looked through the crowd of pegasi, over the ones standing and past the ones flying to see what they were looking at. "That pale thing? That's Dan?" she asked, skeptical.

Vice didn't take his eyes off the two. "That's him. He's a human from Earth. Don't underestimate him; he's tougher than he-"

"What's that thing he's with?" Springer squinted. "Is that- wait!" The pink cloud! One of Discord's cotton candy clouds! They were back and one of them had gotten tangled up in some kind of tape! 

"EVERYPONY DOWN!" Captain Springer yelled. She took off form the stage, slapping the ClipBuck back on her wrist. Pegasi ducked down and backed away as the captain took aim at the 'cotton candy cloud'. "IT'S ROGUE CLOUD!!"

"What are you doing?!" Vice Grip demanded.

"It's one of Discord's clouds! I can take care of it this time!"

"Wait! That's not-!"

She targeted the 'cotton candy cloud' in O.A.T.E.S. "I won't let you get away again." Her eyes narrowed at her target, grim determination on her face.

Vice held up his hands. "STOP!"

Too late. She fired.

Fluffle Puff stopped in the middle of the street, Dan skidding to a halt behind her. Thankfully, the roads were made of clouds so his trip hadn't been a painful one.

"Thppp," Fluffle declared. I'm not going fast enough to make a Sonic Rainboom. Dan, find me something to make me go fasta. It'll probably have to be red.

"The only thing I'm going to find is duct tape; I'm sticking you back on the ceiling if you do that again," Dan remarked, climbing to his feet. The hyper mare had dragged him across town but at least they were closer to Derpy's house right now.

"Pbbthh thbb." Admit it. You had fun.

"Fine," Dan groaned, untangling himself. "We did make good time."

Fluffle grinned contently in response. There was always time for fun.

"All right, now that we're here, we can find where Derpy lives," Dan said. He kicked his foot, rainbow-colored paper still attached to it. "Help me get this stuff off me first."

Fluffle noticed a good amount of tape was still attached to her back after she ran through the rainbow-colored street barricade. Why would a cloud city where most ponies flew need a blockade anyway? She and Dan began removing the tape from her fluff and Dan's clothes.

Taking only a split second to target the pink cloud in O.A.T.E.S, Captain Springer fired the ClipBuck's control ray. A blue disk of energy was launched from the device and shot down the street at her target. Some ponies covered their heads but others watched to see if the blast hit its mark.

And it would have if Captain Springer had been aiming at a cloud. The command blast rebounded back before hitting Fluffle Puff, bouncing off her fluff like a rubber ball. She and Dan looked up from their detangling when they heard the noise but quickly thought nothing of it and returned to removing the tape stuck to them.

Captain Springer noticed something didn't seem right. Quickly, she realized the ClipBuck's shot had been reflected somehow. If the realization had come any slower, she wouldn't have also realized that the blast was shooting right back at her.

"Get down!" She dodged the ray, ducking down a mere moment before it cut through the air she occupied a second ago. The energy disk whizzed past her, hitting instead something behind her.

Krizzzzzzzzzzz-krak!

"You... what did you just do?" Vice asked the captain.

Slowly, ponies in the crowd turned to see what the ClipBuck beam had hit. A loud, electric whirr began to fill the air.

"Is THIS part of the demonstration?" a pony in the crowd asked.

"Vice, I'm sorry. I thought it was a-" Springer stopped midsentence. Both she and Vice, the rest of the FIST ponies on stage and the entire crowd around them turned their attention to something else on stage.

Lightning Claw peeked out from behind the curtain. "Is... is the Tesla Coil supposed to be doing that?"

Hit by the control ray from the ClipBuck, the ball atop the Tesla Coil had cracked and the entire machine now surged with electricity. Lightning in various colors bled around the machine, sparking and cracking as the device itself glowed a bright 'she's gonna blow' red.

"No. No it is not," Vice answered in a calm, matter-of-fact tone. "It's experiencing an electrical overload, the energy it's storing exceeds the amount the capacitor can regulate and now it's-"

"Should we run?" Lightning interrupted to ask an important question.

"Probably but-" Vice's reply came a bit too late. The Tesla Coil's lightning ball exploded in a flash of lightning and energy shot into the sky. Although nopony on stage was harmed, they scrambled away from the damaged contraption as it unleashed a pulse of electricity. For a moment, it seemed as though that's all it would do until it teetered and fell off the stage.

"Back! Get back!" Vice yelled.

The audience took to the sky as the coil crashed to the cloud street below, electricity still surging through it. Magic and energy reacted with the clouds and the device plunged through the layer like a spear through cotton. The hole it made grew, destabilizing the part of the road the stage was under until the stage itself began to lean.

"You broke it! You broke the cloud layer!" Lightning Claw shouted.

"GET OFF THE STAGE!" Vice yelled over him.

Lightning Claw, Captain Springer, Vice Grip and the two others who had helped set up FIST's many inventions clambered off the stage as the platform dipped low into the street. Its own weight pierced it through the hole made by the Tesla Coil and the frame fell through the clouds. The stage dropped from Cloudsdale like a stone scattering two Power Armor suits, one Spritebot and dozens of ClipBucks to the surface below. The Power Armor might've been salvageable depending on where it landed but it was unlikely anything else would be.

The hole in the clouds stopped before it became any bigger, some pegasi already moving other clouds into position to close the gap. Vice Grip stood up and walked over to his associates in the middle of the street. His eyes were glued on the street knowing that millions of bits worth of equipment was now plummeting to Ponyville where it would be reduced to scrap upon impact.

"Vice..." Captain Springer started to say. She clutched her right foreleg, patting the only ClipBuck now left. "I'm so sorry. I-"

Vice held up a metal hand. "Don't. Just don't."

She put her hoof over her heart. "I swear sir, the Enclave's services are at your disposal. We'll pay for this, I promise."

"Yes," Vice agreed. "I'm sure you will," he said stoically.

Behind them, another noise grabbed their attention. The pegasi crowd was applauding.

"WOO!!"

"Best demonstration EVER!"

"Was that even part of the demonstration?"

"Who cares? That was awesome!"

Lightning Claw shrugged. "At least we put on a good show."

Vice didn't chuckle. The scientist earth pony straightened his lab coat and walked away, Captain Springer quickly following him.

At the other end of the street, Dan and Fluffle Puff finally got themselves untangled from the rainbow wallpaper and tape. They just then noticed the crowd of ponies cheering at something behind them.

"Thppp," Fluffle said. What did we miss?

Dan shrugged. "Eh, probably nothing groundbreaking. I'm not much for street performers."

The two turned around and resumed their journey to Derpy's.





The roads leading away from the apartment complexes, hotels and taller buildings broke off into smaller streets leading to communities and neighborhoods that served as standard housing. While it was a city for pegasi, not every neighborhood in Cloudsdale maximized the use of vertical space. Some did, having houses spread out or layered on top of each other with enough space in between to fly but each community was a bit different aesthetically to suit the needs and desires of its inhabitants. 

A park and even a country club complemented the area complete with a public golf course that included green and white hills and fairways. It was an elegant blend of land and sky maintained by the pegasi living there.

But of course, for every 'original' setting or concept I design, I like to throw in something reference-y to put things into perspective. This story isn't about being serious; it's about fun in case I need to say that again. So, with that in mind, the Sky-Line from Bioshock: Infinite also dominated the sky above the streets; rails and beams supported by polished-white metal struts hung above the roads and sidewalks at the edges of the clouds. Packages of various sizes and crates of supplies raced about on the rails behind the backyards of houses and through neighborhoods, never going over or near a house but around.

However, there was no pneumatic transit tube or anything like that, so conveniently Derpy's job as mailmare had not been rendered obsolete. Besides, sending muffins via a tube kind of loses its personal touch and makes them taste like compressed air. And knowing Derpy, the thing would be clogged with muffins by the end of the first day. So it was probably a good thing.

Derpy's community was more contemporary in design. Flowers, trees and sections of grass designed to thrive at high altitudes lined the streets, sidewalks and lawns of many houses. While Dan stomped his way towards this community, Fluffle took the time to enjoy the landscape, rolling through the grass and flowerbeds. If you're wondering, this action rated an "elevendy-kajillion" d'awwws on the Faust-Libman Adorbs Scale, just above Pinkie Pie being herself and under Fluttershy waking up in the morning.

After a thorough review of a map of the community, Dan was able to narrow down the location of Derpy's house to one neighborhood. Now it was just  a matter of going door-to-door until they found the gray mare in question. Dan would've found Fluffle's rolling adorable or annoying but he was too busy focusing on what he would do to Derpy when he found her. Blowing up her mailbox was a given but there was more he could do. But answers had to come first.

The pair turned the corner into Derpy's neighborhood, a collection of houses lining a single-lane cloud road. Fluffle Puff hopped ahead of him down the street but stopped shortly after the entrance in front of a pair of tan pegasi wearing suits that were blocking the road. A mare and a stallion, they stood close together and presented Fluffle with something.

"Fluffle?" Dan asked, noticing his companion's distraction. "Hey! Whatever you're selling, we're not buying any of it!" he stormed over to her quickly.

"Hello there," the stallion greeted Dan.

"Yes, hello," the mare added.

"Hello?" Dan asked, slowing his pace to approach them warily. Fluffle stepped to the side and the pair presented the items to Dan. Two different broaches were held in their hooves each with a tiny picture in them.

"The bird?" the stallion asked.

"Or the cage?" the mare asked.

Dan shook his head. "The what or the what?"

The tan mare Pegasus then facehooved. "I'm sorry, these are the wrong ones. One moment," the pair pocketed the two amulets and retrieved two different ones.

"Sorry about the mix up," the stallion said. "Those are for... someone else. All right, one more time; the seed?"

"Or the sword?"

Fluffle stared wide-eyed at the two objects, examining each one. "Thbbb... thbbb."

Dan looked at each but was still confused. "What are you asking me? What do you two want?"

"It's a simple choice," the stallion said.

"One you've made before, many times," the mare explained.

"And one you'll make again."

"It's your decision Mr. Dew- ...sorry, Dan."

"The seed?" the stallion presented.

"Or the sword?" the mare followed suit.

"Thbbb... thppp, ththth," Fluffle looked at each again. I get it... they're symbolic choices but they're also physical. You can choose either one, determine your fate based on the choices you make either consciously or subconsciously, without knowing the consequences, the full extent of your actions. But in the end, they both require a level of commitment, the dedication to-

"Not interested," Dan shoved the pegasi's gifts away. "Now if you'll excuse us, we have a message to deliver."

The ponified Lutece siblings were forced to step aside as Dan walked past them and down the street. Fluffle Puff shrugged at the pair and hopped after him.

A tad perplexed themselves, Rosalind and Robert straightened out their respective outfits and departed in the opposite direction.

"I told you he wouldn't pick that one," Robert said.

"He didn't pick either of them," Rosalind argued.

Robert smirked. "Precisely. And I believe that makes me the victor."

"How?" the mare asked her brother. "He didn't pick EITHER of them."

"And we both knew he wouldn't. But he will."

"Next time, you mean?"

"Yes. He didn't choose now so that next time, he'll have the same choice. And next time, he'll know it."

"But what if he makes the same choice?" she asked.

"He'll make a different choice," he said assuredly. "Because he'll know."

Dan continued down the street, Fluffle behind him now. He scanned the houses on both sides looking for anything that might indicate one belonged to a bake-happy mail maniac.

"One of her neighbors should be able to tell us which house is hers," Dan said to Fluffle, though she was too busy being adorable to pay attention. He walked up to the entrance of a random house and rang the doorbell.

For a moment, Dan and Fluffle heard only silence. Dan considered ringing the doorbell again when they heard something.

"Grimm! Door!" an aggressive-sounding female voice ordered.

"I'm busy! It's probably just a couple of Billy's idiot friends anyway," a muffled accent answered.

"Which is why I want YOU answering the door," the female voice countered.

An exasperated groan followed. Dan and Fluffle looked at each other, both considering turning around and leaving when the door opened. Neither Dan nor Fluffle Puff were quite prepared for what they saw but they knew also that they couldn't leave now. Stepping forward as the door pulled up was a tall, cloaked figure in black. From its bony hand, it held a scythe as the other gripped the knob. A skull face frowned at the pair as the two stood stunned before him.

"Mandy!" Grimm called over his shoulder. "I was right! They're clearly Billy's friends!"

"Whatever," the female voice echoed back.

Fluffle Puff gasped, this time out of fear. She hid her face in Dan's arm and began shivering.

Grimm turned back to them. "All right, this had better be good. You just interrupted me in the middle of a My Troubled Pony marathon."

"Wait," Dan stopped him, "My Troubled Pony? I thought they canceled that. When did they start putting it on the air again?"

"A couple years ago," Grimm replied. "They started a whole new generation for the franchise, really changed things around. It got really popular on the internet for some reason and the creators of the show love the fans. They just finished the fourth season and the second movie, now they're moving into season 5," the reaper sighed, putting his bony hands on his hips in astonishment. "Who would've thought a franchise for little girls could make it this far?"

Dan grinned and looked the camera. "Yeah, who would've thought?"

"So, what do you two want?"

"We're looking for Derpy Hooves, the local mail mare. She live around here?"

"Ah," Grimm tapped his chin, metacarpals making hollow clunks on his jawbone. "Pretty sure some mail mare lives on this street but I don't quite recall what house. You could try one of the other neighbors... but I'd avoid Skarr. He's not as stable as he usually is this high an altitude."

Dan and Fluffle leaned backward and looked over to the next house. A friendly-looking bald man with a scar down one of his eyes waved at them as he was watering the flowers. Not waving back, the two leaned back in. "Thanks for the warning," Dan said.

"Don't mention it," were Grimm's last words to the pair as he closed the door again. "Mandy, I was wrong; it wasn't Billy's friends! It was some pale guy and a pink ting!"

"How is that different from Billy's friends?"

"I didn't want to kill these ones."

Dan and Fluffle continued on their quest, avoiding eye contact with Grimm's next-door neighbor. They chose another random house to ask for directions at, part of them knowing that there would be at least two more instances of shenanigans before they happened upon Derpy's house. They didn't know this because somehow they had knowledge of the story like you might infer but because they just figured that's how life was. And they were right.

The next house they chose wasn't that dissimilar from the last one but had a larger lawn, even a driveway leading up to a garage. The walkway led them up to a door by the side of the garage and had its own wheelchair ramp. Fluffle Puff brushed her hooves on the small welcome mat while Dan rang the doorbell.

After a moment, a man in a wheelchair opened the door.

"Can I help you?" he asked in a strong but neighborly voice.

"Yes, I was wondering if you could..." Dan stopped midsentence after getting a good look at the stranger. "Wait... aren't you Joe Swanson?"

"Officer Joe Swanson of the Quahog Police," he leaned forward and extended a hand to shake. "Off-duty at the moment. But always willing to help out. What do you kids need?"

"We're looking for Derpy Hooves but... what are you doing here?" Dan asked, perplexed.

"Thbb! Thbb Thbb!" Fluffle pointed at Joe and said. You were supposed to be in the Twilicopter scene along with the Family Guy reference!

"That's right, Fluffle Puff," Joe said. "But that whole scene was cut so the Twilicopter could crash into Wub Way instead. So me and Bonnie are just sitting here with Lando Calrissian from the Cloud City bit watching the My Troubled Pony marathon. We don't have anything else to do!"

"Wait," Dan pinched his chin, "if your scene was cut, why are you still here?"

"We don't know!" Joe exclaimed. "We just popped up here along with the house and we figured heck, we needed a vacation anyway! And Lando makes some really awesome drinks including this-"

"But that doesn't make any sense!" Dan said, still puzzled. "The only reason you'd still be here is if..." And then the realization hit him. Fortunately, the realization hit him before anything else did. Dan turned on his heels and bolted away from the house. "RUN! RUN!!"
Fluffle Puff followed quickly and soon the pair were down the street.

Joe wheeled himself out of the house as he watched the two depart. "I wonder what's gotten them so startled." He wouldn't have to wait long for his answer. The ground, or rather, the clouds underneath his lawn began to rumble. The entire house shook. Vibrations reverberated through Joe's wheelchair, knocking him out of it and throwing him into the street.

Bonnie and Lando Calrissian quickly ran out of the house. "Joe! Joe, what's going on?!" his wife asked.

"We just lost reception! We'll never find out what happens to Guillermo now!" Lando yelled.

But for another intrepid group of travelers, their reception couldn't have been clearer. Joe's garage exploded from underneath, clouds, lawn and huge tracts of land ripping apart as a massive object rose up from them. Bonnie, Lando and Joe fled from the wreckage as their house was wrecked behind them.

In the middle of the street, Joe looked back to see some kind of space craft hovering above them.

On the bridge of the Enterprise-D, the crew were relieved that there had been no damage to the ship despite their relentless pursuit of the renegade signal.

"Course correction complete, Captain," Geordi announced from the helm.

Picard frowned. "Number One, where is Commander Data?"

"I believe he's still reading Road to Twilight, sir," Riker replied.

"Ah," Captain Picard said. "Did he get to the part where Littlepip-"

"Excuse me!" a voice from the back of the bridge interrupted. "Hey, yeah, pardon me but, can I have a moment?"

The bridge crew turned around to see an overweight American cartoon character standing behind them.

"Yes?" Picard asked.

"Yeah, that was kind of my buddy's house we just plowed through. Can I use the intercom-y thing?" Peter asked.

Picard and Riker exchanged expressions of confusion. "Sure," Will said.

"Yay. I get to be in the reference," Peter said, containing his glee. He walked over to the communications officer's suite and switched to broadcast outside the ship. "Joe? Joe, can you hear me?"

In the middle of the street and in the shadow of the massive Galaxy-class vessel, Joe recognized the voice immediately. "Peter, what the hell?!"

"Joe, I am so sorry about this."

"YOU DESTROYED MY HOUSE!" Joe yelled. "AGAIN! HOW DID YOU EVEN AFFORD THE ENTERPRISE ?!"

"Joe, it's okay!" Peter assured over the intercom. "I'll make it up to you and Bonnie. Here, let me beam you up. Can we do that? Can we just-"

"PETER! What are you-"

The Enterprise lurched forward, now under the control of a fat man with a child's innocence. A band under the saucer section of the ship began to glow. Rather than activating the ship's transporter, Peter Griffin accidentally had targeted Joe with one of the phaser banks.

"HOLY SCHNIKEYS!"

A red phaser beam scorched its way through the clouds just in front of Joe. The ray of crimson burned through the sky towards the ground. And I think you already know exactly where it was headed.

"What do you mean my insurance doesn't cover crashing helicopters?!" Sendback asked his claims agent, enraged.

The pony at the desk of the insurance office, who happened to bear a striking resemblance to one of Sendback's coworkers, stared a stoic frown back at the red donkey as he yelled at him. The clerk blinked once and then repeated himself. "Sir, your policy clearly doesn't cover your place of business against aerial vehicle accidents or sky-born disasters," he held up Sendback's insurance contract. "It's all stated right here-"

Sendback snatched his contract out of the other pony's hoof. "OH! I see how it is!" he waved the piece of paper above him. "You think just because a BLACK MA-"

VRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRZZZZZZZZZT!!

A flash of energy burst through the ceiling of the Ponyville Property Safety Management Bureau(local insurance agency branch) and vaporized Sendback's contract as he held it. Not only that, the beam continued and fried the computer the claims representative was working on. Both of the donkey postal worker's insurance policies, physical and digital, were destroyed simultaneously.

What remained of Sendback's policy descended to the floor in smoldering cinders. He clutched a blackened corner of it in his still-raised hoof as he processed what had just happened. The clerk in front of him blinked again. Sendback slowly sat back down.

"Well, it looks like your insurance claim just went up in smoke. Literally." Then, for the first time, the clerk smiled at Sendback. "Sorry. Is there anything else I can help you with?"

Sendback just frowned. "Yes. May I use your phone?"

"Of course," the smug rep turned his desk phone around for the donkey to use.

Sendback picked up the phone and dialed in the only number he could think of. After only a couple seconds of ringing, somepony answered.

"Hello?"

"Hey, mom? It's Sendback. I know I haven't called you in a while but I was wondering-"

The phone crackled in the donkey's ear. His mother's voice came back in a loud nag. "OH! I see how it is!"

Sendback hung up the phone.

Back in Cloudsdale, Dan and Fluffle Puff finally slowed their pace from full run to jog to walk. They finally allowed themselves to breath, looking back over their shoulders to make sure the deadly reference(s) weren't still following them. Relieved, the two exhaled and continued on their journey.

"All right," Dan said, determined but exhausted, "one more house. Then, we start blowing up every mailbox until we find muffins in one of them."

"Thpp?" Should we start with ours, o brilliant leader?

"Sure," Dan replied to his sarcastic cohort. "We have to find a way to stop her from tampering with the mail somehow. If that doesn't work, we torch the bakery next."

"Thbbbbb?! Thrrrbb!" The bakery?! But I like the bakery!

"Great, you can be the one to rebuild it when we're done!" Dan patted her on the head and walked off.

Fluffle trembled at the thought of all the sugary sweets in Ponyville being burned to a crisp. She caught up with Dan and followed closely; whether Dan was serious or not, baked goods were something Fluffle took very seriously.

Dan and Fluffle decided to check a house across the street next. As the two walked up to the door, it opened for them and a tan stallion in a greet sweater stepped out to greet them.

"Hello neighbor," the friendly stallion greeted them.

"Nope," Dan replied. He and Fluffle Puff did a 180 without breaking a stride and walked away from yet another obscure reference.

And thus began the fast-clip montage of Dan and Fluffle encountering various references at houses in the Cloudsdale neighborhood, each one making less sense than the last. As a change of pace, there were even a few regular pegasi residents for them to meet though none of them could give them the exact whereabouts of Derpy Hooves. Finally, Dan sat down on the curb in front of the last house they'd inquired at, not knowing what to do next.

"No one... NO ONE KNOWS WHERE SHE LIVES!" Dan shouted. He pulled out his cell phone. "HER ADDRESS ISN'T EVEN LISTED ON GOOGLE MAPS!"

Fluffle patted Dan on the back, comforting him. Despite his tenacity, the human was feeling defeated.

"Thpp thppp thpp," Fluffle said to him. I'm sorry, Dan. But no matter what  happens, I just want you to know... I still have two coupons for the bakery. Please don't blow it up.

"I don't understand it..." Dan said, staring at the street. "It's gonna take a miracle to find where she..." And as he trailed off, he heard something. A voice that almost sounded familiar.

"That's everything, General!" Derpy said to Skarr.

"OOOoooh!" the bald army officer from Evil Con Carne squeed with giddy delight as the gray Pegasus presented him with his mail. "The latest issue of Underappreciated Subordinates Quarterly came in! Thank you so much, Derpy! And thanks for the muffins!"

"Don't mention it!" Derpy smiled. "Just doing my job!" She turned around and immediately came face-to-face with a clearly disgruntled alien and a pink, smiling puffball pony. "Um, hi there!"

"Derpy Hooves?" Dan asked, balling his fists.

"Yes?" the Pegasus asked back nervously.

But Dan just glared back at her. "You've got mail."





"I've got mail?" Derpy asked, confused. She looked through her mailbag. "I wasn't expecting anything today."

Dan facepalmed. "No, I mean, we've got a message for you. It's a very... special message," he said, trying to be menacing once more. "One you've been overdue to receive for a long time."

"Really?" Derpy smiled excitedly. "Who's it from?"

This time, Fluffle joined Dan in facehooving. "Thuuuup." Seriously Dan, I don't think this is going anywhere.

Dan wiped the frustration off of his face. "It's FROM US! We're here delivering the message to you RIGHT NOW. And you're gonna get it... oh, are you gonna get it..."

Derpy giddily smiled. "Well, let me have it!"

Dan's own smile grew diabolically wide at the invitation to proceed. "Oh, by all means!" He reached it to Fluffle's utility fluff and retrieved some leftover tape to restrain Derpy with. He stepped closer to the Pegasus and prepared to dole out justice. "Now, we'll see how YOU like being delivere-"

"Hold on a second," Derpy turned back to her own mailbag.

"Wha- waaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" Dan's lunge turned into a trip-and-fall, he face-planted into the sidewalk.

"I actually have some mail for you and Fluffle Puff!" Derpy happily declared. She turned back around and hooved a bundle of letters to Fluffle.

Fluffle gasped in response and took them in her mouth. Yay fanmail! I can taste the love!

"NO!" Dan shouted as he got up. "No more interruptions! No more distractions, no more derpying around! You're going to stand there and look me straight in the eye while we sort this out!"

"Okay," Derpy replied. And Dan attempted to look her straight in the eye, literally. In his frustration, he momentarily forgot Derpy's eyes were just like that and became focused solely on trying to meet both her eyes despite the impossibility of the task. He rotated his head in jerking motions but every time he almost zeroed her in, her eyes reverse-derped. She giggled at him, thinking he was being funny with her.

"GRRRRRRNNNNNNNNNNG!" Dan growled in frustration. "THIS ISN'T A GAME!"

"Thpp." Coulda fooled me with all the references.

Dan turned back to Derpy. "And where have I seen you before?! Why do you look so familiar?!" He had seen Derpy before, before meeting her today. There was something about her he'd seen before. But where?

"I'm the mailmare, silly!" Derpy replied. "Everypony sees me! How else would they get their mail?"

"That's not what I mean, I mean that you-"

"Hey, can you both wait right here a minute? There's something for you back at my house," Derpy said, taking off quickly and flying down the street.

"No, wait! You're not getting away aga- and she got away," Dan's raised limbs went slack as the ditzy gray pony evaded him yet again.

Fluffle Puff patted him on the back. You want some of my fanmail? It's strawberry-flavored.

"No... no, we're not losing her this time!" Dan broke into a run after her. Fluffle stowed the rest of her letters and followed him.

Dan kept his eyes focused on Derpy as she flew above the road. This time he was determined not to let her get out of his sight.

"YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST FLY OFF WHENEVER YOU WANT IT, YOU BLONDE PSYCHOPATH?!" he yelled from street level.

Well, she does have wings... Fluffle's expression said, trying to keep up with Dan.

As Derpy flew, oblivious to the torrent of anger below her, she took the time to notice all the scenery above Cloudsdale's neighborhood. Dan watched as her head turned left and right, looking pretty much in every direction except the one she was going. Inevitably, she ran into things like clouds, another pegasi and even Songbird from Bioshock: Infinite.

"Why doesn't she look where she's going?!" Dan asked aloud. Just as he asked that question, he ran into a garbage can by the side of the road. The can spun him around but he kept going, pursuing his target despite knocking it over.

Derpy was enjoying herself. A few birds joined her in flight and she greeted each one of them merrily. "Hello there, Mr. Sparrow! How are you doing today?"

The birds chirped in response, exchanging greetings with the gray Pegasus. The other feathered friends departed, having other business to do and also because Derpy was directly in the path of an oncoming helicopter.

CRANG! Derpy's head rebounded off the underside of da choppa as it flew by. But the mare herself was only spun around in midair before waving good-bye to the helicopter and continuing on with her flight.

"What's wrong with this mare?!" Dan asked as he smashed through a mailbox, spinning it around. "She keeps running into things!"

Fluffle Puff was able to avoid the things Dan ran into because unlike her compatriot, she was paying attention to where she was going as she ran. But unfortunately for her, she was also running.

Okay... maybe I need to cut back on the baked goods. Dancing on rainbows is one thing but... I might be out of shape. Just a little. she panted as she ran.

Dan watched as Derpy collided with more objects in the sky. She got tangled up briefly in a banner another pegasi was towing, nearly knocked Snoopy off his doghouse and got blindsided by one of the Sky-Line's crates as it sped by. But nothing stopped her forward motion as she continued onward.

Even though he was preoccupied chasing Derpy, he didn't run into everything in the street. Dan was able to jump over several of the barrels Donkey Kong threw at him. But eventually, he'd pay more attention Derpy than where he was going and one would hit him, he'd spin around and have to respawn. It was a long cycle and Fluffle had to keep up for all of it, though at least she got to use the hammer once even if it exhausted her further.

"She's just... derpy," Dan finally began to realize as he followed her. His pace slowed as he began to subconsciously question his actions. But then his pace increased when he accidentally stepped on a skateboard.

"Wo-woaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" Dan yelled, standing on one leg as the skateboard under him did the rest. It carried him down the street just as Derpy stopped at her house and descended to the front door.

"THpppppppppppp-pppppppppppppp." Dan... *gasp* wait...

The human quickly recovered after the skateboard crashed into something off camera. Exhausted, he and Fluffle Puff made their way to Derpy's front door. Walking up the steps, it opened for them and Derpy herself stepped out, unscathed.

She giggled when she saw them. "You guys sure do like following me, don't you? You must really be excited about your surprise!"

"I... I'VE got a... a surprise for YOU when..." Dan stammered wearily. Fluffle collapsed into her own fluff, becoming a pink ball on Derpy's doorstep.

"Hold that thought," Derpy told them. She turned around and grabbed something from inside the house. When she turned back to them, she presented them with two freshly-baked muffins.

"I... I..." Dan stopped when he saw the muffins, losing his train of thought.

Fluffle immediately regained energy, returned to her normal form and dove face first into her own muffin. Her face globbed onto the pan Derpy presented it on but left Dan's. The human picked up his own muffin and looked at it.

"I was gonna give one to you at the post office this morning but I ran out," Derpy explained.

"I... thank you," Dan said genuinely. He took a nibble of the small confection. It was decidedly delicious and sweet with a lemony twist to it.

"You're welcome," Derpy smiled contently.

Dan finished his treat. "But why did you run off from us? And did you ditch us at the post office? AND WHY DID YOU BAKE TWILIGHT'S MAIL INTO A MUFFIN?!"

"Well," Derpy clopped her hooves together innocently, "you guys looked upset at the post office and I didn't want to disturb you."

"But why do you keep running into things?" Dan asked. "Why are you always getting distracted?"

Derpy shrugged. "I dunno. Because there's a lot going on?"

"I see," Dan said, "But that still doesn't explain why you tampered with Twilight's mail! You baked a letter to her, a PRINCESS, into a muffin! No matter what, that was still Twilight's mail and I don't think she appreciated it being served to her in a pastry!"

"Thupppp." Except she did.

"Ohhhhhhhh," Derpy said, realizing. "Yes, I baked her letter into a muffin," she admitted.

"Ah HA!" Dan announced triumphantly. "So you're not just being negligent for no reason! You actually admit you had some sort of prank in mind! You did that for a reason, didn't you?"

"Well, yeah," Derpy replied casually.

"Exactly!" Dan declared. "You thought-"

"I thought she'd like it," Derpy said with a smile. "That letter was from me, so was the muffin. I would never tamper with anypony's mail."

Dan's mouth hung open. His raised finger lowered along with his arm as he began to understand. "That... letter was from you?"

"Yeah, it was to congratulate her on the renovations to her house you all made recently. A brand-new mailbox, I figured it neeeded some brand-new mail!"

Fluffle gasped. And brand-new muffins!

"So you weren't tampering with the mail and you weren't trying to hide your guilt," Dan realized. "You were just being..."

"I'm Derpy!" she stuck out her hoof. Dan shook her appendage as the reason dawned on him. She wasn't hostile, she wasn't crazy. Her behavior was something he misunderstood... just as many people, many ponies misunderstood him. And that's when Dan remembered where he saw Derpy before.

"Yes... yes, I remember you. The second day I was in Ponyville, I noticed your eyes were different than all the other ponies here. I fashioned some covers for your eyes so they'd look forward," Dan recalled.

And then, Derpy remembered, too. "That was the day I first became a mailmare." She reached back into her house and retrieved two small pieces of paper. Holding one in each hoof, she showed them to Dan. "The postmaster liked them because they were silly even when they fell off. He gave me the job because he knew I could have fun doing it and he needed a pony that could show that kind of endurance."

Dan looked at the small eye-papers. "But I just gave those to you because your eyes were derpy."

"Ha," Derpy chuckled. "Everypony in my family's got eyes like these. It's a trademark look."

"I get it now," Dan said. "I thought you were just some kind of crazy saboteur."

"And I thought you were some kind of angry sociopath," Derpy replied.

"Borderline," Dan clarified.

"Hey," Derpy put a hoof on his shoulder. "We've all got quirks."

"Yeah, we do," Dan agreed.

"Thbb!" Song cue!


I know that everypony's different, it's a fact that's plain to see!
I know that every one is unique individually!

But then I meet somepony like you, who does everything to get on my nerves!
Some ponies might be strange on average, but you destroy the curve!

And although you might be a pain, the way you talk and act is strange
But I know that you're not mean just weird, and it's not hard to explainnnnnnnn~

You've got quirks!
Things about you that just irritate
But they're just quirks!
And you're not trying to infuriate
It's just how you work
and if you look a little deeper, you can do more than toleraaaaate!
Because we've all got quirks!
And it's our quirks that make us great!

I've got mail to deliver, I've got a job to do each day!
And on my route, I meet so many creatures, different in every way!

But then I meet someone like you, something unlike anything I've ever seen!
And while some ponies are different, you just seem mean!

But I can tell that you're not cruel, in your own way, you're being kind!
If I look a little deeper, I can fiiiiiiiiiiiiind~

You've got quirks!
Things about you that are strange at times!
But they're just quirks!
And being different really isn't a crime
It's how you work!
It's just how you tell others what's on your miiiiiiiiiiind!
And we've all got quirks- it's just the reason to the way we rhyme!

From the way we act, to the things we say
Each one of us does the same things in different ways!

And although we can get annoyed... at the way someone behaves, at the way they wave, the way they say thanks, or every single time they speaaaaaaaaaak~

If we don't let it bother us, we can find it as more than frustrating; we can find it uniqqqqqqqqque~

We've got quirks!
It's a fact that we're happy to state!
We've got quirks!
And that's a way for us all to relate!
It's how we work!
It's how we live and how we operaaaaaaaaate!
Because we've all got quirks!
All the derps and all the jerks!
But hey, they've got their perks cuz it's our quirks
That
Make
Us
Greeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat!


"I'm sorry about the misunderstanding, Derpy," Dan patted her on the back. "When I saw that muffin in our mailbox, I thought it was somepony screwing with us. Like Flim or Flam again. And when I found out that a postal worker was responsible, it made me think you were tampering with our mail either intentionally or unsafely."

Derpy returned the gesture. "Haha, it's okay. I may have my own way of doing things that isn't exactly traditional, but I make sure to respect everypony's private property. The ones that don't are the 'real' derps!"

They all laughed at that. "That's almost offensive," Dan said, chuckling.

Fluffle nodded happily. Close enough. And that's what makes it funny.

"Well, I appreciate you helping us sort this out, Derpy. And it's good seeing you again after all this time. And officially meeting you," Dan said.

"Likewise!" Derpy smiled.

"Unfortunately," Dan scratched the back of his neck, "we kind of need a way to get back down to Ponyville now. Seeing as how we lost two helicopters on the way here.

"Thbbb thppp." This is why I wanted the wing spell.

"Hmmm," Derpy thought. "I think I can help with that. Come around to the backyard and we'll see if I have something for ya," the mare instructed.

Dan and Fluffle did as instructed, walking around to the back of Derpy's house. When they got around to the back, they were surprised to see something neither of them expected. Not some item or strange oddity in Derpy's backyard, nothing weird or reference-y occupied it. There was only the most incredible view of Equestria they'd ever seen.

From behind Derpy's house, all of Equestria and even Ponyville stretched out before them. From the enormous snow-capped purple and blue mountains to the dark green trees of the Everfree. Canterlot glistened like a pearl gem in the early afternoon sun and the valley below shimmered like gold. The brightly-colored buildings resembled tiny models at this height like a living map of the world. It was breathtaking.

"It's just gonna be a few minutes, guys!" Derpy called from inside her garage as the sound of mechanisms followed.

"Take your time," Dan said back.

Deciding this would be as good a time as any, Fluffle pulled out the lunchboxes Twilight had packed for them before they left. Dan embraced the idea and both of them sat down and had a picnic at the edge of the sky.

Fluffle got finished first and began to romp around the clouds, indulging in the fluffiness as she didn't know when she would be coming back to Cloudsdale.

Dan took his time, enjoying the scenery and relaxing. It was then another guest arrived.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" a voice behind Dan suddenly asked.

Still sitting, Dan turned around to see somepony approaching. "Yes... yes it is," he answered the stranger as he swallowed the last bite of his sandwich.

A brown earth pony stallion in a white lab coat walked over to where Dan was sitting. But what was odd about that to Dan was the fact this pony was walking on his hind legs and more so, that his hind legs seemed to end in two chrome-metal boots. He had his forelegs behind his back, a pair of metallic gauntlets clasped that matched the boots. Despite his odd appearance, the pony approached Dan with a casual stride.

Dan took that moment to stand. "Who... are you?" He almost asked what instead.

"My name is Vice Grip," the stallion extended a metal hand.


Future Integrations Stable-Tec Boss
Vice Grip
The Magic Gear Mastermind


With no visible reluctance, Dan shook the pony's gauntlet. To his surprise, it felt warm to the touch and squeezed back at an appropriate pressure. But the metallic texture just felt... unnatural. Yet somehow this pony was able to use both his gauntlets just like hands. That only made it less comfortable.

"Dan..." he introduced his own name.

"It's a pleasure to meet you," Vice said, still smiling.

"Sure..." Dan said, happy to get his hand back.

Vice stepped past him. "It really is all beautiful, isn't it?"

"Yeah," Dan agreed, though he didn't know where the pony was going with the idea.

Vice looked over his shoulder at him. "You've never seen anything like Equestria... have you? On Earth?"

Dan had to think about the question. "No, not really. And how do you know I'm from-"

"That you're from Earth? I'm a scientist," Vice answered, though it wasn't an explanation and Dan knew it. He turned around, the flocks of his lab coat whipping. "Equestria didn't always look this way, you know. Ages past, we had to found this land, the cities and build things from the ground up. But it hasn't really changed much since then, not like your world, anyway."

Again, Dan thought about his response. "Depends on what you mean by change. You could just as easily say Equestria's changed in other ways that Earth hasn't."

"Haha," Vice laughed. "You don't think Earth's society is more evolved than ours?"

"Evolved? Why? Because we have buildings? More advanced technology?"

"No," Vice's smile disappeared. "Because you're free."

Again, there was a pause between the two. Standing at the edge of heaven, two very different beings from two very different worlds discussed their differences and their similarities. A negotiation was taking place, even if Dan didn't realize it, one that would have effects neither could look so far to see.

"Free? And Equestria isn't?"

"Look at what you humans have created. Empires of stone and steel, rockets to take you into space, signals and pulses that carry messages across distances almost instantaneously," Vice gestured broadly with his hands as if spreading the tapestry of human history across the sky.

But Dan saw it differently. "Ponies have cell phones. You've got rockets and you've made your own kingdoms and Empires."

"Yes," Vice looked back at Dan. "But you built yours without magic."

Dan folded his arms. "I don't see how that makes a difference."

Vice clasped his gloves behind his back again and began to pace. "From the moment a foal is born here, they're influenced by magic. We're taught that each of us already has a destiny here and we have to go out and find it. The arcane manipulates us, forces us along a set path and we hold onto it like a crutch to make the journey easier. Humans are free to forge their own destinies, no brand, no crutch. And you have forged so much."

"Do you have a point to all of this?" Trying to think about this nonsense was making Dan frustrated. "Humans have more wide-spread use of technology, so what? We don't have magic, so we have to do something."

"Exactly," Vice said. "You respect the might of the mind, not magic," he tapped his temple for emphasis. "Equestria is addicted to magic. Why work to make anything new when all your problems can simply be poofed into existence with the light of a horn? Technology takes time, forces you to use your imagination to create something real, to make something better and new. Magic requires you say a couple words, do a dance or drink a potion. There's no might in that."

Dan didn't understand much about magic but he did get what the 'scientist' was talking about. "So, you're saying ponies are.. shackled by magic or something? And the reason you haven't expanded the way we have is because you've been forced to rely on magic and not tech?"

"Precisely," Vice smiled, astonished. "You're smarter than..." Dan shot him a quick glance at the comment, making Vice rethink his words. "Most of my colleagues. They don't understand."

"Maybe you don't understand," Dan said. "Maybe magic is the way you forge your destiny. Maybe it's your technology. Not like a crutch you're supposed to rely on but... but a guide. Or something." He barely even knew what he was saying.

"Pffft," Vice scoffed at the idea. "Magic we barely comprehend? Magic that just now, we're trying to learn about?"

"Better late than never," Dan countered.

"Please," Vice paced back. "Your history is full of men and women who didn't know what they were tampering with and caused damage by using it. But at least with technology, it was something they learned about for themselves, something you can control. Humans learn from their mistakes. Ponies never take a step back, never change, never truly grow and we can't control our own magic. We're stuck as weak, inefficient little ponies playing with spells and tea parties... forever."

"My friends DO learn from their mistakes!" Dan rose his voice. "Maybe things are just fine the way they are now, did you ever think of that?! Things could always be better and guess what? We ARE working to make things better! Twilight researches magic literally EVERY DAY. Maybe YOU should spend some time in the library!"

Vice was taken aback by Dan's defense. It was his turn to think on his next response. "And what happens when she gets in over her head? When she goes too far with what she doesn't understand? What happens then?"

Dan didn't hesitate to answer. "I'll be there. Me and all her friends." Fluffle Puff joined him at his side, though she hadn't been paying attention to the conversation. "I know Earth's history, I know the mistakes we made and the good decisions, too. If anypony gets lost... I'll show them the way."

Vice's grin returned. Even without sharp teeth, his smile resembled that of a viper's dripping with venom. "Because they'll always listen to you, won't they? They'll always include you when they're deciding something... or going somewhere."

And that last comment made Dan angrier than he'd ever been, that he could remember at least. His blood boiled to the point where there was practically steam rising off his skin. Even Fluffle could tell something wasn't right. But even though he was like a volcano, he didn't erupt. This was a different rage seething through him, a poison he couldn't control or channel. The strange stallion in front of him had just crossed the line between bullshit artist and sly asshole in strides.

But that wasn't the worst part. Looking back at the smug, smiling pony, Dan knew he had no way to vindicate his feelings, one of his only ways to validate and express his own emotions. There was nothing for Dan to get revenge upon justly or otherwise. Because despite it being cruel, despite it being venomous, despite it being the foul, presumptuous opinion of a stranger who didn't even know what he was talking about, wouldn't, couldn't, SHOULDN'T have known what he was talking about, despite ALL THE AGONY... he had a point. A very sharp point. And it had drawn a different kind of blood.

Vice could tell he'd just exposed a nerve but decided wisely not to press further. "Well, I guess we'll see what happens. But I didn't stop by here just to debate and pick up a few muffins, though Derpy is quite an expert at her craft. I actually have a proposition for you," he reached into his coat pocket and retrieved a small card. Walking over to the visibly hostile human, he casually handed it to him.

Dan looked at the card, fighting the urge to just rip it up and throw it in Vice's face. It read in bold print:


Future Integrations Stable-Tec
Seizing your Future today


"I know you have a passion for justice, Dan," Vice said, putting a hand on his shoulder. "It's something you and I share, believe it or not. We're both trying to make Equestria a better place, give it the future Earth never had."

"The second chance Earth never had," Dan corrected, flipping the card. Vice was right about one thing, at least. Even if Dan was fighting the urge to punch him in the stomach, throw him over the edge and watch him fall all the way down.

"FIST is working to do just that, Dan. We can't change the past but we can work towards a brighter future today. A future where ponies are truly free to make their own decisions. Innovations that give us more control, more stability and a better defense against the unknown. We need resources to make it happen, Dan. You can be a part of this." He walked past Dan, departing the way he came.

"I'll pass," Dan replied, though he still pocketed the card.

Vice shrugged as he walked away. "I can't be faulted for trying, I suppose. Equestria's always changing, Dan. I suggest you enjoy the view while you can."

"I'd enjoy it a lot more watching you tumbling towards the ground," Dan muttered under his breath.

Fluffle Puff snuggled into Dan's side, hugging him tightly and burying her face into his arm. Equestria's going to be fine with you here, Dan. I just know it. You're here for a reason... if only I could tell you what it was. I love you so much.

Dan hugged her back tightly. Whatever the future held for them and for Equestria, they would face it together. With magic, with technology, with friendship, with everything they had. They would do it together. Dan let the conversation with Vice Grip fade into the back of his mind as Fluffle mended his wound with cuddliness. The two snuggled on the clouds, holding each other for a duration that time could not measure, sharing a bond that words could not describe, feeling a love that only they could feel. Harmony.

Finally, Derpy walked out of her garage. "All right guys, it's finished!"

"What is it?"

Derpy pulled out a remote control. "Well, since you guys said you lost a helicopter-"

"Thpp." Two.

"Two helicopters trying to get here, I figured what better way to get you back to the ground?" She pressed the button on the control and her garage collapsed. A flurry of bubbles rose up from the ground as the walls and roof retracted. Sitting in the center of it was a gray helicopter with yellow blades and a decidedly Derpy cockpit.

"Another helicopter?" Dan asked skeptically.

"This isn't just an ordinary helicopter!" Derpy announced. "It's the Derpycopter!"

"Another themed helicopter?" Dan asked. "Actually, the first one we wrecked was Twilight's."

"Oh," Derpy looked disappointed. "You guys don't want to use it?"

Dan shrugged. "Sorry but our luck with choppers hasn't been very good. I'm not sure we want to risk crashing another one."

"There's fresh muffins in the glove box," Derpy commented.

And with that, Fluffle disappeared from Dan's side and reappeared in the cockpit of the Derpycopter. She honked the horn, prompting Dan to join her. I'm eating yours if you don't get here now!

"I guess this will work," Dan accepted. "Thanks Derpy."

"No problem. Oh wait, before I forget," Derpy dashed back into the house and retrieved her mailbag. "There's another letter for Twilight. It arrived late, I was going to get it to her tomorrow but you could bring to her now."

Dan took the envelope and put it in his pocket. "You really do love mail, don't you?"

Derpy nodded. "It's what I do." The two hugged before the human boarded his third aircraft of the day and took off from Derpy's house. As they rose above Cloudsdale and Fluffle enjoyed yet more muffins, Dan enjoyed the view of Equestria as he piloted them home.

Derpy Hooves waved good-bye to them happily as she knew she would see them when she delivered their mail again... and muffins. Unfortunately, somepony else had other plans for her.

"Excuse me, Derpy Hooves?" a voice from the side of her house asked.

"Yep! That's me!" Derpy announced, turning their way.

A green red-maned Pegasus mare and an indigo stallion with wings and a broken horn approached from the front yard, eyes narrowed at her. "I'm Captain Springer and this is Lightning Claw. We'd like to talk to you about the Storm Enclave."

Dan and Fluffle arrived back home late that afternoon, their flight from Cloudsdale being more stable. The Derpycopter landed in the Golden Oaks hangar, touching down in the same spot the Twilicopter took off from. The two passengers disembarked, both of them happy to be back on the ground and to see Twilight was there to greet them.

"Hi guys," Twilight said as the rotors stopped.

"Hey Twilight!" they both hugged her.

The ground isn't soft as cloud here but... it's home.

"So, what was the result of your investigation, Captain Dan?" Twilight asked.

"Uh, well," Dan scratched the back of his neck. "It turns out Derpy didn't really do anything wrong... but we still managed to confront her about the issue and we learned why she does what she does. Oh, and you got another letter," he handed her the envelope Derpy gave him.

"Oh, thanks," Twilight took it with her magic. Even if it wasn't baked into a muffin, it still smelled like one. "So, what did you learn about Derpy? Why does she act the way she does?"

"It's because she just enjoys doing things the way she does them," Dan declared. "And as long as she abides by the rules and safety regulations, she is free to perform her duties in any way she desires."

Twilight smiled as the three of them walked out of the hangar. "Kind of like you, huh Dan?"

Dan smirked. "Eh, maybe. But we did learn that everyone has their quirks and while we don't understand them all the times, they can still be our friends and together we can see each others' strengths."

"Wow," Twilight giggled. "That reminds me of the one time I tried to find out what makes Pinkie Pie tick. I learned pretty much the same lesson."

Dan scoffed at the statement. "Yeah, well I wasn't there, so it didn't count."

Twilight gasped in disdain. "What do you mean, it doesn't count?! It was an important lesson and even Derpy was involved!"

"I still wasn't there," Dan argued. "Doesn't count."

"It DOES TOO!" Twilight yelled.

"Nope. Doesn't count." Dan took off running with Fluffle Puff down the hallway.

"FINE!" Twilight yelled. "Since you learned a lesson, YOU can be the one to write about it to Princess Celestia!"

"Great idea!" Dan shouted back. "I'll have Derpy send it in a muffin!"

Sighing, Twilight rubbed her head and pulled out the letter Dan had given to her. It was peculiar though; the letter didn't have a return address for some reason. There weren't any markings on it at all, just a stamp. But there was apparently something to identify who it was from: a small title at the top just below Twilight's name which didn't include her title. Twilight's eyes went wide when she saw who it was from:

To: Twilight Sparkle
From: Phoenix Wright






Next time on Dan Vs. The Magic of Friendship...



"Come on, Dan it's a chance to relax. It'll be fun."

"The spa? Fun?! Try expensive!"

"It'll be worth it, Dan."

"If I get sprayed by one of those fragrances, I'M GONNA CHOKE EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM!"

A relaxing trip to the day spa. Would could possibly go wrong?

"THEY TOOK TWILIGHT'S BRAIN!!!"

Muahahahahaha...

"They did something to her! And now they're after all of us!"

Just in time for Nightmare Night and Halloween, get ready for a spoooooky episode of Dan Vs. The Magic of Friendship.

"We're not leaving the house... we're safe in the house..."

"Dan, what if they're in the house?"

"GET OUT OF THE HOUSE! GET OUT OF THE HOUSE!"

Join us for a chance to relax...

"THEY'RE EVERYWHERE! WE'VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING!"

A chance to unwind...

"Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan..."

A chance to let go... of all your fears!
MUAHAHAHAHA!

"RUN! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!"

Dan Vs. The Day of The Spa! Next Saturday, it's the night of the Living Dan'd on Dan Vs. The Magic of Friendship!


"ZOMBIE PONIES!"

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