//------------------------------// // Danger: Wildmare // Story: Heart Invasion 101 // by FamousLastWords //------------------------------// "So let me make sure I'm understanding this correctly," Rarity said, looking at Spike while rubbing her chin. "You're developing feelings for your boss, Vinyl..." "Yes." "You asked her out on a date of sorts without quite thinking things through..." "Yep." "She said yes..." "Uh-huh." "And now you need my help to keep this date from being an awkward disaster?" "Yes, ma'am," Spike replied. "You think you can help me? This is a pretty urgent situation." Rarity trapped Spike in a hug before he knew what hit him. "Oh, Spikey, of course I can help!” Rarity said, beaming and nuzzling his cheek. “I'm so happy you found a special somepony again." Spike gently pushed away from the hug and leaned back into the couch they were seated on. "Thanks, Rarity, but don't get ahead of yourself yet. I mean, it's just our first date, and I don't even know if she likes me yet... as more than a friend, at least." "Oh, details, details," Rarity waved her hoof. "If there's one thing I've learned in my years of relationship experience, it is that the first date, friendly or not, will either make or break any potential relationship." Spike's eyes widened as he gulped down the nervous bulge that appeared in his throat. “B-Break it?” "Exactly. So what I'm saying, darling, is that if everything goes well, she'll be falling for you by the end of the night. If not, well... it may not end so well.” “Oh, gosh, this sounds even harder than I thought. And it seemed pretty hard to start with!” “Relax, Spikey. It’s not that difficult. You just have to make sure to sweep her off her hooves!" "Easier said than done. I’m not exactly an expert in the romance category. Besides, I'm not sure that's the best way to go. I mean, Vinyl doesn't seem like one to be, you know, swept away by a date." "Spike, trust me. Every mare, no matter her personality, wants to be swept off their hooves by somepony else.” Rarity winked at Spike. “Maybe they don't all show it, but the desire is still there, and if you manage to do so with Vinyl, she'll be putty in your hooves! Or claws, I should say." Spike pondered the idea for a moment. On one side, he loved the idea of getting closer to Vinyl. On the other, he never really liked putty. It was messy, sticky, and usually involved him having to wash himself after using it.  Plus, he was terrible at sculpting anything outside of an unintelligible blob with it. This was beginning to sound more and more hopeless by the second. "I don't know, Rarity. Things have a tendency to go wrong when they're rushed, especially for me. But I don’t know, maybe I'm just being too cautious." Spike let out a loud sigh and sunk into the couch. "Or maybe I'm still nervous after what happened with Flitter when we moved too fast. You know how that went." Rarity opened her mouth to say something, but words seemed to be in short supply. "Well, um... listen, Spike. You were younger, and you made a mistake. We all do." "Yeah, that’s putting it lightly. But, unfortunately, it was the same mistake, over and over again." "Look, Spikey, the point is you've grown and learned from it. Besides, this is a completely different mare in a completely different set of circumstances. I promise things will be different. Not to mention you’ll have me right here to help you." Rarity placed a hoof on Spike’s shoulder and smiled at him. Spike turned to Rarity with a small smile, and he held her in a warm hug for a moment. "Thanks." Rarity nuzzled his cheek and looked him in the eyes. "Spike, how many times must I remind you? I'm your friend. It's my job to make sure you succeed at your plans." "Good thing, because I'm going to need all the help I can get," Spike said with a chuckle. "I haven't even decided where I'm going to take her yet. I was thinking maybe the Ponyville Grille or something." Rarity let out a deep sigh and smacked her hoof to her forehead. “Spike, Spike, Spike… I love you dearly, but I feel I must be honest here. That’s a horrendous idea. The Ponyville Grille is on the lowest rung of all eating establishments within the town. You need something with flare, decor, and atmosphere!” “Atmosphere?” “Yes!” Rarity said. “The standard eating fare may be good for simply hanging out as friends, but not for a date. No, you need someplace special. You need… The Spot!” “Um, The Spot? What’s that?” “It is nothing short of the most sophisticated and refined eatery in all of Ponyville. Anypony who’s anypony goes there,” Rarity said with a wink. “Okay… what kind of food do they have?” “I have no idea, but that’s not the point! It’s got modern decor, a coffee bar, live music, and nothing is below fifty bits in price. It’s perfect!” “Um, not that I don’t appreciate your input here, Rarity, but I’m not exactly rolling in money. I’ve only just now earned about two thirds of the bits I need for my keyboard.” “Spike, when it comes to romance, sacrifices must be made.” Spike fell back into the couch with a small frown. “Fine, but are you sure this will pay off?” Rarity gasped, taken aback by his words. “Spike! I’m offended by the fact that you would doubt me.” “Well…” “Have I ever led you astray before?” she asked. “Honestly, darling, you have nothing to worry about.” “It’s not you that I doubt, Rarity,” Spike said. “I doubt my own ability to execute this whole date without making a fool of myself. If I’m gonna be dishing out bits like that, I’d rather have some confidence that I’m not just shooting blind.” “Oh, come now, Spike. It’s not that difficult. You talk to me all the time.” “Well, yeah, but you’re not a girl. You’re Rarity.” Rarity opened her mouth to retort, but her face simply morphed into a frown. “Besides, I’m talking about romantic situations,” Spike replied.  “Romantic situations that have a high probability of me getting hit in the face or shaking in the fetal position under a table. I speak from experience.” "Hmm, you do present an interesting case, Spike," Rarity said. "Yes, I remember your first date with Flitter ended with you hiding under my bed for the entire night." "That was... an odd date, to say the least,"  Spike replied. "I guess I should have considered myself lucky she thought it was cute. Unfortunately, I doubt Vinyl is the same. From what I can tell, she’s not exactly the fluffy, cutie type of mare that Flitter was. Other than the fact she's been hurt before by some past relationship, I don't really know anything about her relationship history or what she finds attractive." "Well, Spike, that's the purpose of a date. You learn more about somepony you're interested in." "I guess... it’s just, I really feel some kind of connection with her and I really don't want to blow it. It’s too bad you can't come with me. I could totally use your help." Rarity frowned at hearing Spike's lament. That frown, however, was immediately replaced by a grin. "I've got an idea!" "An... idea? An idea for what?" Rarity yanked him off the couch with her magic and set him on the floor in front of her. "I've got an idea, Spike. An idea that will allow me to keep an eye on you during the date, as well as feed you instructions on what to do. Because, frankly, you're going to need my assistance," Rarity said. "Growing up with Twilight did wonders for your intelligence, but for your social graces... not so much." Spike rolled his eyes. "And how exactly do you plan to pull this ‘idea’ off? You know, without it being blatantly obvious? I'm pretty sure it’s a total lack of social grace to be funneled tips on a date from one of your friends. Plus, it'll make Vinyl think I'm a dork." "Well, dear, if you would simply listen for a moment and keep your skepticism to yourself, I could tell you. It's quite ingenious, really," Rarity said with a prideful grin. A grin that reminded Spike of somepony who was about to sell him a product he neither wanted nor needed. "Okay, Rarity, what's the plan?" Spike said, bracing himself for the ludicrous idea that would follow. "Come, Spike, let us go! We're going into town," Rarity said, levitating Spike onto her back as she dashed out the door, flipping her open sign to closed. "We're going to need some supplies." Spike was at war with himself. On one side, he was curious to see what Rarity had come up with. On the other, there was a good chance things could go terribly wrong and end up badly for him. In cases like this, it was usually the latter. Either way, her wide eyes and huge grin told him this would be one heck of a plan.