Inside a cramped bedroom full of posters of local Manehattan goth bands, two identical figures slept side by side in identical twin-sized beds. A blood-red night-light illuminated their snoring muzzles.
“Zzzzzzz... death... zzzzzzshnorrrr... ennui... zzzzzzzzz-snkk-snkkkk... eternal rekurrence...”
A petite pegasus shadow snuck down the dark-lit hallway outside. The shadow paused, stared into the room, and rolled its ruby eyes.
Seconds later, Rainbow was sneaking into the living room of the high-rise apartment flat.
“They give me the friggin' willies, I swear to Luna,” Rainbow hissed, feeling her way along several thick-framed paintings along the wall. “Colts from Brayzil, ya feel me?”
“Can I just say that I find this place to be wonderfully charming?” Lancie said from where he perched across her back. “I don't know what it is, but there's something about it that just...” He rubbed his stone chin with a talon, then blurted, “...screams 'Tartarus!'”
“Yeah. I bet it made you real homesick.”
“I'll have you know that I've never made that lousy place a residence!” Lancie folded his arms and upturned his chin. “... ... ... I only visited in the spring.”
“Where's that dayum secret panel?”
“And that was always right after love bug season. I mean—really, universe? Isn't the fire and brimstone enough without insects doing the honeymoon hokey-pokey in your teeth?”
“Shhh! I think I found it!” Rainbow pressed her hoof to the triple portrait. As the piece of the wall rotated to expose the panic room, Rainbow squinted at the painting. “Huh... these three blobs? I think I get it now.”
“Alas, how the Spark has changed.”
“Quiet, you.” Rainbow slithered her way into the chamber. “Everyone's asleep. This is as long a chance I'll get to examine the vault and—” She bumped into a frame in the dim-light. “Gah!”
“Nice moves, Fred Astallion.” Lancie looked up at the huge canvas she had just collided with. “Hey! It's that large painting you beautifully defaced with your hooves! She kept it!”
“Yeah, I'm surprised she didn't friggin' cover it in bronze.”
“Well, that would just ruin the signature.”
“We're not here to be art critics.” Rainbow placed Lancie down and approached the vault. “Now, if I can just figure where this thing is the weakest...”
“I don't suppose she keeps any spare ordinance around from Whinny War II...?”
“Please, now's not the time.”
“Well, how else do you plan to 'explode' this puppy?”
“I'll think of something!” Rainbow grunted.
“Yes, because you've done so very well at the whole 'improvisation' schtick since you got here.”
“Lancie...”
“I'm telling you, this is why you should have brought me in the first place!”
“Can't you—I dunno—telepathically summon the shard to open the vault from the inside?”
“... this is why you shouldn't have brought me in the first place.”
“Unnnnngh...” Rainbow rolled her eyes, peering across the room. “I swear, you're no friggin' help at—” She paused, blinking. “Wait.”
“Hmm? What is it, Guilty Spark?”
“... ... ...” Rainbow trotted up to a spare ponyquin. She pointed at the white wig and white tail hairs stuck to it, along with a pair of shades. “These... these are hers.”
“Of course, Einstallion. They're all hers.”
“But...”
“Heck, if your new Fraulein Friend could fit the Empire Stallion Building in here, she would!”
“Nah, it can't be...” Rainbow leaned in, squinting. “Can it?”
“Seriously, Sparky. You're losing me.” The statue's eyes twitched. “And that's universe-breaking.”
“Everywhere we've gone the past few days, I've heard ponies talking behind our backs—but mostly just Photo's,” Rainbow said. “Something about... about a sickness that she's been dealing with ever since her recent divorce.” She tapped her chin. “Or was it before the divorce?”
“What is this all of the sudden, Neighs of Our Lives?”
Rainbow swiveled to face him. “Photo's been spending tons and tons of money lately! Even before she met me, she was buying all the crap to fill in this panic room! Plus your shard from the black market!” Rainbow's eyes narrowed in thought. “Since when does a starving artist feel that it's okay to spill out her purse like that?”
“... ... ...” Lancie blinked up at her. “General Hayspital?”
“Nnnngh...” Rainbow facehoofed. “Lancie, for real! I think I'm onto something here!” She turned towards the ponyquin again. “I don't think it's any coincidence that Photo's latched onto me like she has! Maybe... like... maybe she's been needing an excuse to let loose and get her kicks in before it's too late!”
“What for?”
“Perhaps...” Rainbow's ears folded back slightly as her lips pursed. “...perhaps the mare doesn't have much to live for these days.”
“Well, perhaps you could ask her yourself.”
“Huh?”
Lancie shrugged and pointed out into the main room. “Unless it's the refrigerator making those hoofsteps.”
Rainbow craned her neck. She heard a dainty yawning sound, followed by the twitchy shadow of a petite mare that came to a stop just outside the secret panel: “Vas is das...?”
“Megacrud!” Rainbow wheezed, looking every which way. “Gotta hide!” She threw herself behind a large armored statue.
“But-but-but...” Lancie winced, jerking in place. “What do I do?!”
“The hay should I know?!” Rainbow hissed from where she hid. “Blend in!”
“Uhhhh... uhhhh...” Lancie looked all around. At last, he hopped up onto a high shelf, emptied a carton full of light bulbs, held one in his hand, and struck a jubilant pose.
And all just seconds before a light switch was struck.
Flip!