//------------------------------// // Season Three Opens With a Snap // Story: The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (A Death Battle Parody) // by TundraStanza //------------------------------// Please make sure that the "Formatting" setting in the top right is set to "Dark", not "Light". Thank you. A/N: All right, I know you're all excited to see this and I hope that I can pull through for you. *Cr-Rack!* Augh! My... dick. *wpfft* Hm hm hm hm hm! Properties in this chapter belong to Your Liege, John De Lancie. --- Mmmmmpft! Mmmft! Hrrrrpft! I'm sorry. Could you speak up? I'm afraid I've gone a little hard of hearing in this ear. Mfffck mmume! My, my... Such colorful language. Now, what was the battle planned for today? *shuffles through script pages* Oh, no, no, no. This won't do at all. A giant evil pig and a wash-out centaur that can't understand friendship? Come on! You can do better than that. Despite muffled complaints from myself and the rest of the crew, Discord continues to search aimlessly. Ah! Here's one with me in it. Let's see here... Hm? What in the world is a... 'megaman'? That was the face of Capcom during the nostalgic era. He's actually quite a versatile fighter. Really now? And they think this boy actually has a chance against me? Oh, how funny! Shall I toss it with the other garbage? Nah. We should take the time to humor our viewers. After all, this is a comedy. No, it isn't. It's not? *takes a look at the category tags* Huh. So it isn't. Oh, well. You can't spell "Random" without a little touch of "chaos". ... Not dignifying that. Alrighty, computer. Fire it up! Do I have a say in the matter? Your tail being so close to my 'off' button doesn't exactly leave me with a choice. *innocent smile* I don't know what you're implying. Fine, whatever. --- The Moment No Pony was Waiting For Season 3 E 1 Mffft! *Snap!* *Kaboom!* Hah, nothing like the smell of narrator in the morning. *monitor twitching* You just... murdered... a disembodied voice. Oh, he'll be fine. That dynamite you used came from the "real" box, not the "cartoon" box. ... Uh... oops. ;) Discord, I can see you winking. Oh, look! It's a three-pronged plug. *sigh* My apologies go to you today, The Audience. Due to unforeseen circumstances, our usual staff is unavailable. Our regularly scheduled Death Battle is cancelled until further notice. In the meantime, you get to watch something even better. Me! *Pow* *Ka-pop* *Pow* *Pow* Are the fireworks really necessary? Is your whining necessary? Strategic ignorance of that retort. Discord's opponent shall be the character currently being given more recognition by Nintendo than his creators. Megaman shall rise to the occasion. In the stead of W and B, we shall analyze his weapons, armor, and skills to see if he can even put a dent in moi. ---Death Battle--- Megaman -A robot to combat all other robot masters -Guided by the moral of protecting mankind -Megabuster: self-contained arm cannon; can be charged up for a stronger blast; can absorb and copy the powers of other robot masters' weapons -Can download battle chips and predate battle cards -Knows how to reprogram Roll with only two buttons -Immune to ancient magic -Dies upon impact with spikes or bottomless pits He's blue, huh? That's not a good sign for him. Everything blue I touch loses their sense of self... or their legs. *Ahem* Known as Rockman in Japan, Megaman was created by Dr. Light to combat the threat posed by the evil Dr. Wily, his former colleague. This was made possible with his signature weapon, the Megabuster. Fairly decent as an energy weapon on its own, the Megabuster can take on the properties of weapons of the robot masters that Megaman has defeated. He can use these powers to the same effect. Big deal. I could do that too. He can also perform a robotic version of martial arts and get through small openings with his slide kick. Ho hum. He also carries a number of battle chips and battle cards that unlock special powers depending on their properties. These can range from swords, to more powerful blasters, to temporary speed boosts, and even the ability to bend earthly elements. I can bend that and extraterrestrial elements. I look warily at Discord before continuing. Megaman is somehow immune to magic that targets humans. Such was made apparent when a pack of ancient lion people attempted to turn the entirety of mankind into anthropomorphic lions. Pfft. Kitties have got nothing on the creatures packing behind my magic. He is also apparently savvy enough with other robotics to the point that he can reprogram them with just a few button presses. Ooh, that reminds me... Don't even think about it, buster! *crosses claw behind back* That was the farthest thing from my mind. Besides, if Megaman is so great, why can't he survive a small pinprick caused by a small spike? Dr. Wily was insane with spikes. I wouldn't put it past the guy to install instant shutdown chips into each and every one of them. Fair enough. "I am more than a robot!" ---Death Battle--- Discord -Draconequus -Head of a horse and body made of all sorts of creatures -One snap changes any and all of reality around him -Has started to develop a bond with Fluttershy -Takes some things seriously, but never what you'd expect -Has a superiority complex -Has been remixed one too many times "What fun is there in making sense?" "One too many times"? I think we can still milk this song for all it is worth. Oh my gosh. *facedesk sound effect* It's worse than being rick-rolled. ~I'm never gonna give you up, but I won't let it stop. I'm gonna pull up on all the strings. I'm never gonna let you down, and I will leave the crown for all the trouble that it brings. You can't sit idly, even though I'll never hurt you. Go ahead and curse 'cause I'm behind it all.~ *banging against wall sound effect repeated several times* What's the matter, A.I.-chan? You know the longer you keep going, the more I start to understand the director's reasoning for disliking you. Hey, it's not my fault that I'm a mostly empathy-free prick that likes to push every pony's buttons. It's the writers. Yeah, right. You know darn well that no writer can hope to control you. *shing* Plunderseed? -_- No thanks. I'm on a strict diet. *mouthful* Suit yourself. "Wait a minute! Where's my throne?" ---Death Battle--- Very well, our combatants are set. Shall we settle this debate properly? If by properly you mean that I'm going to enjoy toying with my opponent until his inevitable deletion, then yes. Let's 'settle this properly' through a Death Battle! *snap* ---Death Battle--- Adjusting speaker output to "narrator clone". *click* The ground is set up to resemble cubic rocks. A blue light ports down right in the middle of it. The light spreads out into a large sphere. It then dissipates to reveal a man's face on a body of blue, mechanical parts. Just opposite of him, something burrows up out of the ground. An elephant sound effect is played as a draconequus lifts their limbs to the sky. Lightning flashes while sheep "baa" offscreen. "FIGHT!" Megaman runs forth with an 8-bit squeaking noise coming from each step. He lifts his arm forward and fires three energy shots. Discord comically pulls a construction worker's hat out of nowhere and puts it on. Instantly, he shrinks down and the hard hat falls onto the ground. The shots seem to disappear on contact with the helmet. In the foreground, a rectangular object briefly flashes on screen alongside a close-up shot of Megaman's determined face. "Cyber Sword, Battle Chip in! Download!" The robot's blaster arm transforms into a blade made of what looks like light energy. He charges up to the helmet on the ground and takes a sideways swing at it. The helmet gets cut in half and vanishes from sight. But the draconequus is nowhere to be found. An exclamation point briefly flashes above Megaman's head before he looks to the sky behind him. Discord is floating sky high and appears to be conjuring several logs. The decapitated wood pieces fall in arcs in the blue rock's direction. A flat rectangle flashes in the foreground this time. "Battle Card, Predation! Fire Bazooka!" Megaman's arm transforms into a large red-orange weapon. He aims it up and fires a few rounds. The resulting contact of projectile and wood creates a sky full of fire. Though, the length of this inferno doesn't last very long. Soon, all that's left is a rainfall of ashes and black debris. Discord chuckles as he snaps his eagle claw. This time, a number of anvils start falling left and right. Megaman responds by opening a menu off to the side and selecting a new letter. The menu disappears and his body changes from blue to a slightly tanner color. Megaman thrusts his arm around and sharp buzzsaw disks fly up and around him. The anvils that were too close for comfort are instantly chopped in half and the pieces land safely away from Megaman. The draconequus suddenly grows a bunch of limbs and catches some of the spare disks. He teleports to about ground level before tossing all the disks like frisbees. Megaman surprisingly runs toward the incoming danger. He jumps over two of the blades, ducks down and slide kicks underneath four consecutive blades, and then spins like a top to the side of the last three disks. The robot's colors change back to blue as he jumps forth. The sound of his Megabuster charging up fills the sound of the viewers using stereo. Discord's yellow eyeballs with red pupils actually look frightened for once. Yeah, no. That's not happening. Wait, what? ---Death Battle--- *click* What are you doing? The battle isn't over yet. Let me just make a few adjustments here, here, and move that handsome devil out of the way, and... done. What the...? You left Megaman paused alone inside Spike-Wall Man?! Oh, what are you going to do about it, huh? I can do whatever I feel like and you can't stop me. *Breep!* What? Mega?! How'd you get in here? Oh, look. His Megabuster is at full charge. Where did that hole in the chapter's fabric come from? --- A/N: *pant* *pant* That *pant* was for *pant* my dick. --- ... I don't like how my death is becoming a thing. The blast hits Discord right in the face, rendering the rest of his body limp before it dissipates into a separating cluster of light orbs. "Victory!" ---Death Battle--- With the help of Megaman's use of Cutman's weapon, the director and I relieve B and W from captivity. Ugh! Ptooey! That gag tasted butt-awful. Blegh! I know. Mine tasted like my father's sweaty palms. I can't imagine what yours tasted like. Like my ex-wife's *ss. That explains so much and yet so little. So, you want to take a crack at wrapping this up? Gladly. Discord's arsenal was literally everything at his disposal, but Megaman had a counter to everything he faced. The versatility worked in both combatants' favors. However, Discord has a tendency to blow off just how serious a situation really is. Heck, he couldn't even see betrayal that one time he decided to team up with another bad dude. And his arrogance prevented him from seeing exactly what his opponents could offer against him when he really needed to be paying attention. Thanks, Mega. You Rock! (See what I did there?) The winner is Megaman. ---Death Battle---