Legendary Legends of the Legendary Pony Summoner

by Pen Mightier


You Got Porn On Your Face, Horny!

The sunset streaming into the Hokage's lofty apartment found the wizened old man stooping over his latest secret document hiding spot. "Interesting." He murmured, stroking his goatee thoughtfully as he peered into the empty cavity that once contained his painstakingly-gathered stash of very sensitive, secret, personal and highly intimate documents. He straightened up from studying the space underneath his bed to peer up at the elder monument overlooking the city.

No, his documents were not plastered all over it as they were last time they went missing. Which begs the question; Where are they plastered this time?

He sighed as he returned to his adjoining personal office, deciding to file the matter away for later personal investigation. Tiring as it was there was still a lot of lesser matters to sort out, such as the Genin exams, the visiting dignitaries including the Kazekage himself, his old student-gone-rogue Orochimaru and his alleged reappearance during the exams, and not to mention the matter of that flash of rainbow-coloured light over the village earlier.

He needed a change of underwear after that.

It didn't help that the ANBU were similarly too busy changing their underwear to get to the site of the incident in time. By the time they arrived the site was already long deserted. At least they didn't return entirely empty-handed as they normally did. He walked over to his desk where a single sky-blue feather lay. The nature experts amongst the ANBU had confirmed it does not belong to any known species of fowl. In fact, they found it difficult to imagine it originating from anything even remotely natural, considering it was about as indestructible and sharp as steel and yet softer than goose down and lighter than air. However, unnatural as it was, none of the ANBU could trace any hints of chakra from it, precluding it from having anything to do with that mysterious flash of light, at least in their opinion.

The hokage, Sarutobi, knew otherwise. While it held no trace of any normal chakra, it was practically radiating with nature chakra, an energy very few ninja can detect, even fewer can manipulate. Only the nature sages were able to channel even a fraction of that untapped raw power, at the risk of turning themselves into avatars of nature, or, worse, stone.

His musing was interrupted by a knock on the door. He muttered something imperceptible to himself as he picked up the feather and carefully slid it into a handy storage scroll hidden in one sleeve, effectively sealing away its chakra signature.

Incredibly convenient as the scroll storage technique was, unfortunately for some inexplicable reason they would catch fire spontaneously when applied to storing his highly sensitive and very personal documents. Just his luck.

"Come in." He said as he carefully hid the scroll away deep inside his robes.

Speak of the devil, it was a nature sage. And not just any nature sage, it was his very own student, the toad sage of Mount Myoboku, Jiraiya himself. "Alright, look, old man, I can explain." The flustered giant that was Jiraiya burst into his room, sputtering his excuses. "I might have been drunk. I swear I didn't know they were serving me alcohol. Otherwise I..."

"Calm down, Jiraiya." The third sighed, sitting down behind his desk. "I only summoned you here because I thought I couldn't let the prodigal son go without seeing his old master, not after being gone for so long." He said goodnaturedly, gesturing for his former student to take a seat in the chair opposite.

"Uh, okay?" Jiraiya ventured, uncertainly, as he slid his buttocks into the proffered chair. The faux-leather squeaked rather distractingly against his rear before squelching loudly under his weight. Damn the old man and his cheap psychological warfare. But no, he would not let the chair fluster him, absolutely not.

"So, about..." The third began, with just the necessary inflection in his tone to suggest Business with a capital 'B'.

"Okay, okay, so I may have given the fourth's boy his old man's signature summoning contract, for old time's sake and all that." Jiraiya quickly broke down and blubbered his heart out. "But he sucked so I thought I'd throw him off a cliff and have a life and death situation pull out his full potential." He blurted in one breath, eyeing the third nervously. He very carefully omitted the last part - that it had worked, but whatever it was Naruto summoned flew off with him. And toads don't fly, at least not last time he checked. And there was that mysterious burst of rainbow light above the village that he was adamantly sure was not in any way related. At all. Right?

Jiraiya had braced himself for the storm, mostly by closing his eyes and praying that what he couldn't see couldn't hurt him. But when he found himself besieged by naught but silence he finally mustered up the courage to open one eye. He was greeted by a seemingly unperturbed Hokage, eyeing him calmly over the tips of his steepled fingers. "Is he alright?" The third finally asked.

"Uh...yeeeeeeees?" Jiraiya ventured, with a touch of uncertainty. Well, the kid certainly got out of the pit of doom. And judging by the fact that there wasn't a loose giant one-tailed monster crushing everything underfoot, Naruto was probably still alive. Probably.

To his great surprise and secret hope, the old man actually broke into a slow smile. "Oh, that is alright then." He nodded, amicably.

The third didn't get to where he was, surviving 13 years under siege by Naruto's constant mischief, without making sure the tailed-beast-vessel and, more importantly, the fourth's greatest legacy, was carefully checked on at least twice a day. His last report from the ANBU had confirmed Naruto survived whatever it was Jiraiya put him through, and was so chipper in fact that he had gone and gotten himself some kind of new plush doll.

The report was lamentably poor on the details of how Naruto escaped the pit or what happened to him afterwards. However, it was rich in detail on just how cute and adorable the plush doll was. And despite that it did not, in fact, have any specifics on what the doll was, just that it was unbelievably unearthly impossibly honest-to-Danzo adorably cute.

He made a note to later have a nice long chat with the ANBU who wrote the report, callsign Horse, and discuss the many issues with smoking anything and everything he picks up off the ground, especially while on duty.

Of course, being a legendary ninja himself, he wasn't without his own means to do a little investigation of his own. He had sought out Naruto's last known location, in fact typically his only known location, Ichiraku's ramen stand. The boy was, surprisingly, not there. And, more worryingly, while both Ichiraku and his daughter recalled Naruto having a plush doll with him, neither could recall anything more than she was adorably, absolutely, earth-shatteringly ho-...cute.

Looks like whatever Horse was smoking, it's getting around, fast. He'll need to look into getting his hands on whatever it was. For investigative reasons of course.

"So, uh, we're good?" Jiraiya smiled a watery but hopeful smile.

The third was brought back to the more pressing matter - his student, Jiraiya. He gave him a bright, reassuring smile. "I suppose it could be worse. I was worried for a moment there that you were going to tell me that he had begun learning sage techniques from your toads and had turned himself into a toad in the process. Or worse, a rock." He said, calmly.

"Huh? Really?" Jiraiya allowed himself a moment of hope that he had somehow been spared one of his old mentor's legendary lectures. The last one left him waking up after a week of catatonia with a case of impotence that lasted a good 2 weeks after. "So, uh, happy days?"

"Of course not! That was the most ridiculously foolish plan I had ever heard! I'm truly disappointed in you, Jiraiya!" The third Hokage suddenly snapped, leaning forwards to shoot him one of his patented stares, once said to have sent a dragon summon running for the hills. He took a deep breath as he prepared to deliver the mother of all ball-breaking lectures. "Now, settle down and listen up! How many times have I told you, real life is not a wet dream..."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!" An earth-shatering scream of despair shook the training grounds, evicting the remaining fowl population in the surrounding woodlands into the gathering twilight along with pretty much every other woodland creature wise enough to pick up the signs of the impending apocalypse.

Rainbow raised her forehooves in what she hoped was a calming gesture. The effects, however, seemed entirely lost upon the intended recipient. "Alright, look, it's not that bad." She said, soothingly. "C'mon, Berry, work with me, tell him it's not that bad." She wisely deferred to the resident drunk's wisdom.

"You kidding me?" Berry gave a muffled giggle. "This is GREAT." She broke into peals of manic laughter. "Oh, Celestia! He's got a horn! And it's BLONDE!" She fell over backwards. "Bwahahah! Hahahah!" Her hooves kicked at the air with mirth. Said hooves tensed up as she took a deep breath of air. "*GASP* My sides! Oh, my sides!" She gasped, before resuming laughing, flailing her hooves at the air with glee.

"Berry, take this seriously!" Rainbow kicked the lilac mare in the rump in disgust.

"T-this is me serious!" Berry guffawed.

Applebloom hopped in place excitedly. "The prim-ee-tip creature is eee-volt-ing!" She cried. "Quick! We need to doe-cue-mend this so we can earn ourselves eee-volt-loo-shun scientist cutie marks!"

Scootaloo pointed a hoof at the blonde ninja. "You really want a picture of him stuck on your flanks for the rest of your life?" She asked.

"Errr...." Hesitation bloomed on Applebloom's face. "Uh, Sweetiebelle, what d'you thi-...Sweetiebelle?" The little ramen-coloured filly looked around for her comrade-in-arms. She quickly spotted her friend scooting along the ground sneakily towards the pile of unattended magazines of doubtful morality.

Meanwhile, Rainbow Dash was struggling outside her comfort zone, working to control the damage as maturely as she could. "Look at me. Trust me, Oranges. It's not that bad." She said, hooves planted firmly on Naruto's shoulders. "If anything it's an improvement."

"Not that bad? Not that bad?!" The abomination before them demanded, a manic grin plastered all over his face. "I. Have. A. Wang. On. My. Face!" He enunciated and wailed at the same time while pointing at the long, pointy protrusion poking out from his blonde hairline. It was inexplicably blonde for some reason. "Oh, gods, I look like Sissyke now!" He cried, clutching his head in panic.

"So...this Sissyke's a dickhead?" Berry panted weakly in between laughs, before receiving another sharp nudge in the ribs from Rainbow. "Hey, just sayin'."

Naruto decided to voice his frustration in the most eloquent manner he could manage. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAARGHHH!" He shrieked again.

"Hey, calm down, Oranges!" Rainbow shook the ninja by his shoulders. "Snap out of it!" She clicked her tongue in frustration before resorting to the tried-and-tested. She slapped the blonde across the face with a forehoof. It worked, in so far as it shut him up. "Look, there are worse places that thing could have grown, okay?! Worse colours too!" She said in what was on her part a Herculean effort at reassurance.

It seemed to achieve anything but reassurance. Naruto's face very quickly cycled through shock, realization, horror and panic faster than you can say sonic rainboom.

"Maybe you should start checking, Colty." Berry wheezed in between laughs, adding alcoholic napalm to the fire. "Not there." She giggled, watching as Naruto peered inside his pants with an expression somewhere between dread and hysteria. "Try your back."

"My back?" Naruto reached behind his back. Two very fluffy somethings greeted his fingertips. They even fluttered at him excitedly. "What....colour are they?" He whimpered, trepidation looming on his face.

"Pink polka dots." Berry whispered with undisguised glee.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!" Naruto resumed his regularly scheduled hysterics.

"They're fire yellow! Like your hair!" Rainbow shouted over the screaming, shooting Berry a very dirty look. "And they're wings! Pretty cool wings too, almost as cool as mine. So that's, like, the second coolest pair of wings ever. So chill, okay?"

"S-so...t-they're not pink polka dots?" Naruto ventured, hopefully, seemingly more concerned about the colour than the actual presence of his wings.

"The tail might be." Berry said with a shrug. "Care to wiggle it at us a little?"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!"

Rainbow rolled her eyes in exasperation. "Berry, shut up, while I try and think of a way to unbuck this mess you made." She snapped angrily.

"You? Think?" Berry blinked. "Rainbow? What got into you? Normally you'd be laughing your cutie mark off right about now."

"I will when I'm sure we can fix him, Berry. He's not a pony like us. We don't know what this could do to him!" Rainbow barked at Berry. "I mean, he's got wings and a horn! What if that makes him a princess?!"

"Huh, I never thought of it that way." Berry admitted, looking just a tad sheepish. "Fine. I think I know what went wrong. You see, to harness earth magic, we earth ponies mediate to draw in nature magic from the world around us."

"So kinda like pegasi magic and how we draw nature magic from the air?" Rainbow said.

"Yes, exactly." Berry nodded. "I got him to try doing just that. Now, think about it. What sort of magic's floating around us right now? It's so thick I can practically drink it." She licked her lips thoughtfully. "Buck, I could use a drink right about now."

"Pony magic." Some semblance of realization dawned on planet Rainbow. "But then, why would that turn him into a pony?" Rainbow frowned as she tried to wrap her mind around the mystery "Gah! Why are you right about all the wrong things?! Thinking and worrying's just not me! I'm not egghead enough!" She clutched her own head, face contorted with frustration. "We need somepony good at thinking and worrying." She decided.

"You thinking what I'm thinking?" Berry grinned.

"I was. Then we got you." Rainbow sighed in exasperation.

"How the horseapples did you mistake me for Twilight?" Berry blinked, incredulous. "Should I be taking offense here?"

"I tried 'strong' and 'grape purple'." Rainbow muttered, dourly.

"But you forgot 'unicorn'." Berry pointed out.

"DOH!" Rainbow rammed her face into her hooves at the obvious blunder. "Why?! So. Bucking. Obvious!"

"To be fair you probably would've gotten Berry Pinch." Berry shrugged. "Then you'd have been really bucked." She grinned at the thought of them summoning her daughter. "Well then, how about 'great and powerful'?" She suggested, innocently.

"Whoah! Nuh uh!" Rainbow shook her head quickly. "See? I'm actually thinking!" She said with a slightly crazed but gritty grin. "And thinking hurts! But you know who that would summon."

"Tsk, here I was hoping we'd be able to have some more fun." Berry muttered under her breath. "Then why not throw in 'intelligent'?" She said, a little more seriously.

"Okay, 'unicorn', 'strong', 'intelligent'." Rainbow nodded. "That's got Twilight written all over it. Hey, Oranges." She looked around at the blonde ninja. "Oranges?"

The orange ninja seemed much too absorbed in something else entirely to pay her any attention. "No, Luna, I'm not a fluffy-feathered pony princess! No! I'm not about to try shooting rainbows out of my horn!" He spoke to his best friend, Thin Air. "And my tail certainly isn't....actually, it is kinda fluffy." He settled into a quiet murmur as he stroked his brand new bushy yellow tail, complete with nine orange streaks.

"You broke him." Berry concluded, watching as Naruto gave his new tail an experimental nuzzle.

"Me?!" Rainbow threw up her hooves in exasperation.

"You hit him on the head one too many times." Berry said. "Like this." She slapped Naruto across the face with a forehoof in demonstration.

"No! It was like this!" Rainbow slapped the orange ninja the other way.

"Pretty sure it was like this." Berry demonstrated with another slap. Naruto's wings and tail twitched with each slap.

"Guys! Guys! Stop smacking me! I got it!" Naruto cried, waving his hands about as if receiving a sudden epiphany. "I figured it out. I know what's wrong." He declared, crossing his arms. "This is all a bad dream. You two are just nightmares. And in a moment I'll wake up and..."

Berry and Rainbow slapped him together in unison. His new golden wings flared, more out of surprise than pain.

Naruto sat, stunned, cheeks burning a bright red. "Okay, that hurts like buck. This isn't a dream." He conceded, surprisingly calmly. There was a moment of blessed silence before he finally took a nice big breath. "AAA-..." He was about to resume screaming hysterically when Rainbow and Berry plugged up his mouth with their forehooves.

"Okay, calm down, Oranges." Rainbow quickly said, pushing her other forehoof into Berry's mouth to keep her from opening it too. "Here's what we're going to do. You're going to summon somepony who can help you. Think 'unicorn', 'strong', 'intelligent'. Now, I'm going to remove my hoof from your mouth and you're not going to scream, you're going to do as I say. Nod if you understand."

Naruto nodded, new wings fluttering nervously.

"And Berry, you're going to shut the buck up and treat this seriously." She gave Berry a steely look to which Berry quickly nodded. "Good." She removed her forehooves.

"I..." Berry opened her mouth to speak, but the deadly look on Rainbow's face quickly shut her up again. She opted to simply sit back on her rump and grumble quietly.

"Alright. You're sure this won't somehow turn me into a pink pony princess or something? I mean, I want to lose this horn, not the other." Naruto muttered, pointing at the horn now gracing his forehead.

"Positive." Rainbow Dash said, looking a little more confident than she really felt. "In that I'm positive you won't be any less a Naruto than you were when I found you." She added, quickly. "Cutie-mark face included."

"Good enough for me." Naruto sighed. "Let's do this. Summoning technique a go go!" He declared, slamming his palm into the ground.

Sweetie Belle was just one more scoot away from reaching her target, the abandoned pile of curious books. It was just within hoof reach. She could practically smell it. One last stretch and she'd...

POMF

An explosive burst of smoke erupted over the pile of books like some perverted guardian spirit. Sweetie Belle gave a loud squeak of surprise, leaping back as the cloud of smoke threatened to consume her. "I-It w-wasn't me! Honest!" She yelped, quick to declare her innocence. "I h-haven't even done anything yet!"

There was a loud crash from somewhere within the cloud of dust. Dubious books of every variety flew out from the cloud, littering the defiling the surrounding area with every manner of the exotic and profane.

"Hey, you alright, turnip?" Naruto asked, lifting Sweetie Belle back up onto her hooves.

"U-u-uhuh." Sweetie Belle quickly flitted behind Naruto's leg, clutching onto it with her forehooves for protection. Whatever the orange creature was, it was still safer than the big scary porn-spitting cloud.

The billowing cloud of smoke slowly cleared. They held their breaths. The last of the wispy tufts disappeared into the wind to reveal....

...A mint green unicorn, its horn stuck through a particularly raunchy volume of Icha Icha Paradise. It was lying face down, muzzle buried in the pile of questionable books. Other than its fluffy cyan and white mane fluttering in the gentle twilight breeze, it showed no other signs of life.

"I swear we're hitting everything but Twilight's tree." Rainbow smacked her face with a hoof. "10 bits say we get Pinkie Pie next."

"Just....how is she intelligent?" Berry muttered to Rainbow, nodding at the mint green mare.

"Compared to you?" Rainbow smirked, "Everything is."

"Is it...dead?" Naruto asked, more worried about the pony's wellbeing than anything.

"If we're lucky." Berry muttered, darkly. "Death by porn. Rest in peace, Lyra. It's how you would've wanted to go, I'm sure."

"What is it with you and summoning corpses?" Rainbow asked Naruto pointedly.

"Wow, does that make you one of those naked-romancer things?" Scootaloo asked, excitedly. "Cause I would totally dig a zombie cutie mark!"

"Ouchies." The corpse muttered.

"Darnit. She's alive." Berry muttered in disappointment.

"Ugh, am I in heaven?" The corspe spoke, her voice muffled by the mouthful of porn. "Uh, somepony? I think I happened upon the wrong heaven entirely. I mean....Oh, wow, look at those ears." The pony's ears perked up as it seemed to notice something in one of the books open before it. "One second, this will require further study." She decided, burrowing her muzzle deeper into the cesspit of depravity.

"And you can stay there." Berry said, darkly.

"Wait? Is that...?" The corpse raised its head to look up at Berry. The sudden look of disgust in its big golden eyes suggested it quickly regretted doing so. "Alright, I am indeed in hell." She sighed.

"You're close. I can help you the rest of the way there." Berry growled.

"Heh, well, if this is hell, the kitchen here does some great food." Rainbow chuckled, stepping up to the mare. "What happened to you, Lyra?" Her expression turned into a frown, "I last heard you crossed the border. Weren't the Nightmares after you?"

"Huh?" The mint green mare's eyes suddenly shot wide open. "Nightmares where?!" She gasped, leaping up onto her hooves. "Wait, where am I?" She asked, looking around wildly, porn magazine on her horn flapping about with her head.

"Canoe-Ha village or something like that." Rainbow said.

"Hmm, I must have misfired my teleportation spell." The mare said, calming down considerably. "I was on the run from the Nightmares." She said, eyes furtively darting about, as if searching their gathering twilight for something. "You see, I found it. I found out where the Pony Summoner came from. He's actually something called a ninja from another world entirely, wherever it was Nightmare Moon was banished to one thousand years ago. Nightmare Moon must have found him and used him to come back to our world along with her army of Nightmares." She said in a low whisper. "Now, I tried to use a teleport spell to get there. To his world, I mean. The Elements of Harmony went missing after Nightmare Moon was banished, so it might have gone with her. Or so I thought. Then a Nightmare jumped me in the middle of the spell and here I am." She explained.

"Knee-In-Jaw?" Two mares and three little fillies turned their eyes towards Naruto.

"Who? What? Me?" Naruto blinked.

"Naruto, what have you done?" Rainbow smirked.

"Have you been a naughty colty?" Berry chorused.

"Hey, not everything's my fault, alright?" Naruto said, testily. "Maybe some, but not all. And giving people nightmares? That's more Sissyke's thing."

"You." The mare gave a sudden low growl, noticing Naruto for the first time where he stood behind Rainbow and Berry. "One of his kind, are you?" She demanded, her mint green horn flaring up with a blinding golden glow as she reared back onto her rearhooves. "I have a whole infestation of your kind on my lawn, all one of him, and I shall not let anymore trample my world, or my name is not Lyra Heartstrings!" She declared as four floating orbs of golden light lit up the darkness around her.

"Am I going to have to fight her too?" Naruto sighed, "Or will either of you tell her she's probably mistaken my awesome for someone else's?" He received nothing but bemused silence from the five ponies around him. "Fine." He said, cracking his knuckles. "Cause I'm all generous and awesome, I'll declare victory if I land one hit on you." He declared, pointing a finger at the mare.

"I don't think that's how it works." Scootaloo whispered aside to Applebloom.

"Ssshh, I don't think either of the know that." Applebloom whispered back.

"I can agree to those terms if you will allow me the same." The mare said, throwing out a few experimental kicks and punches. The light orbs flew around to the rhythm of her kicks and punches. "En garde!" She cried, striking a battle stance.

"I win." Naruto declared, pointing at the mare's horn.

"Eh what?" The mare's eyes flicked up to the porn magazine stuck to her horn. "Wh-wha?! My h-h-horn?! W-when d-did you...?!" She squeaked, her horn suddenly flickering out. The light orbs similarly dissolved into the darkness.

"A true ninja sees the underneath of the underneath." Naruto nodded, sagely.

"That's looooow, Colty." Berry said.

"I'd say it's time to stop digging, Oranges." Rainbow said.

"I've been ruined for marriage." The mare murmured in disbelief, falling to her knees as she clutched her horn with her forehoove. She looked like a tadpole out of water, mouth agape, eyes wide with shock.

"Huh, what?" Naruto blinked, his mind struggling to catch up.

"What's wrong with that?" Sweetie Belle asked. "Dad does that to mom all the time."

"What, ruin her for marriage?" Applebloom frowned, cocking her head to one side. "Whatever that is?"

"No, do funny stuff to her horn." Sweetie Belle said, "Say, do you think there's a cutie mark for marriage ruining?"

Rainbow stepped up to the mare's side with a somewhat bemused expression. "Don't worry, it's kind of his way of saying he wants to make friends with you." She said, soothingly. "At least, I hope it was, for my sake." She added, quietly.

"What?" Berry blinked, glancing between Rainbow and Naruto. "He did...? To you...? He put a feather...? In there...?"

"Yes, yes, he did. Now, shut up, Berry." Rainbow snapped, irritably, though her bright red blush was more than enough ammunition for Berry.

"Colty, I admire your guts, if nothing else." Berry gave Naruto a nod of approval amidst her uncontrolled giggles. "Bravo."

"Thanks, I guess?" Naruto said, numbly. "Hey, uh, Lyra was it?" He asked, kneeling down by the downed Mare. "Uh, are you alright?"

"Alright?" The mare, Lyra, murmured, staring blankly at her forehooves. "I pride myself in being a passable tactician. Here I was defeated by my sworn enemy in one decisive move before the fight even began. Not only that, I have been ruined for marriage. My dishonour is complete." Her voice was one of complete resignation.

"Well, the book stuck to your horn happens to be a porn magazine." Berry added for completeness.

"That wasn'thelpful." Rainbow shot.

"It wasn't meant to be." Berry shrugged.

Lyra slowly pulled the book off her horn with her forehooves before regarding it blankly. "Well, my dishonour is now complete-er." She concluded, eyeing the book's content. It was conveniently censored by the neat hole her horn had left in it.

"Translation; She's alright." Berry whispered aside to Naruto. "Though she can do with some laxatives."

Naruto scratched his head awkwardly. Having had little to no experience around others, he had absolutely no idea how to deal with people in general, let alone girls. Let alone those of another species entirely. But if there's one thing he knew well, it was his wish to connect to others. And it had gotten him by so far, why stop now? He reached out a hand to her. "Hey, uh, Lyra wasn't it?" He said, awkwardly. "Y'know, uh, if it means that much to you, it wasn't really your loss. That book was already on your horn from the start. It was, uh...a trick? Something like that?" Deception wasn't something he was used to, it being something that required more brain than he was used to using. But there was just something about being with people that made him, well, think more. "And, uh, as Rainbow said, all I want is to be friends with you, that's all. I have no idea what everyone's talking about with marriage and all that but I'm pretty sure that kinda stuff happens to other people."

"I see." The mare, Lyra, gave a little nod. "I will at least honour your gracious gesture by accepting it." She raised a hoof to his hand and allowed him to help her up. "Whether it was by strength of brawn or strength of wit, you landed the first strike. By our agreed terms, you won." She gave him a nod of acknowledgement, peering up at him. "And not only that, you showed great humility and grace in reaching out to me. While the fact remains that...."

Berry gave a loud grunt as she waved a hoof dismissively at Lyra. "Alright, alright, you lost, he won. He spoilt you for marriage, blah blah blah. Enough with your endless chatter already."

"Fine." Lyra gave an impassive nod. "First things first, where are..."

"Hey, you two, cut it." Rainbow suddenly waved them both into silence. "We've got company." She nodded, glaring up at the rising moon.

"Nightmares, here?" Berry suddenly tensed up, looking serious for the first time that evening. She quickly waved the little fillies behind her as she joined Rainbow in eyeing the moon warily.

"They managed to follow me here." Lyra whispered, gritting her teeth.

"What? What's going on?" Naruto asked. "It's just the moon, guys. You don't have one wherever it was you came from?"

As if answering his question, a beam of silver light shot down from the moon, lighting up a circle on the ground before them. A hole slowly carved itself into the beam of light, forming a dark, shadowy outline. It quickly shaped itself into a pitch black shadow in the shape of a pony much like Berry or Lyra. It stepped out of the beam of light as its last hoof took shape. The dark shadow wasted no time in approaching them, slowly but surely. A pair of ominous glowing white eyes opened up on what was likely its face, eyeing them all as a predator would count its prey.

The dark shadow burned around its edges, shedding wispy darkness into the air around it. The rest of it was pitch black, like a hole in reality. As it approached it reared back on its hindhooves, slamming them into the ground for support as Berry did.

"That's no tadpole." Naruto muttered. He could practically see through the convenient colour coding. All-shadows equaled bad news. "I swear I didn't summon that thing here."

The shadow crossed its forehooves.

"Wait, is that a seal?" Naruto frowned, suspicious.

The shadow pony was consumed in a burst of shadowy smoke. At least twenty more clouds of smoke erupted forth in formation all around it.

"No way." Naruto did a double-take. His eyes widened as twenty more shadow ponies filled the darkness before them. "It's the shadow clone technique." He gasped. "Why didn't I summon that badass one?"

"Trust me, Oranges, you don't want one." Rainbow said.

"Or twenty." Berry added. "What? I can actually count when I'm sober, alright?" She replied in answer to Rainbow's odd look.

"I brought it here." Lyra stepped forwards. "I'll deal with it. The rest of you, run."

"No way." Rainbow refused flatly, stepping up beside Lyra. "Nopony fights Nightmares alone."

"Nopony fights Nightmares, full stop." Berry said, stepping up to flank Lyra. "We all fight or we all retreat."

"Thank you." Lyra nodded at the other two. "We cover the fillies and slowly retreat into those woods over there. Ranged attacks only. Remember, one touch and you're done."

"Hah, no need to tell me all that." Berry grinned. "We'll send this one packin' back to the Pony Summoner in no time."

"I don't get it, but this one needs an epic smackdown, right?" Naruto said, forming a hand seal. "I've got plenty right here and I ain't taking any of it home."

"Back off, Oranges. This is our fight, not yours!" Rainbow snapped.

"Not my fight?" Naruto scoffed, stepping forwards, putting himself in between the ponies and the Nightmare. "We're buddies, remember? You help me. I'll go to hell and back for you." A burst of smoke erupted forth from him, filling the front line with an entire army of grinning blondes. "I'm the man who will surpass the hokage. That means layin' the beat-down on anyone who even dares look at my 'village' funny." The army of blondes turned to shoot the ponies their collective winning grins. "And right now, my 'village' is you guys."