The Wheel and the Butterfly A Dan X Pinkie Pie Saga

by Justice3442

Part 15 … Vs. …: Dan Vs. Teleportation

The Wheel and the Butterfly

A Dan X Pinkie Pie saga

Part 15 … Vs. …

Dan Vs. Teleportation

The door to Dan and Pinkie’s apartment suddenly flew open as the two walked in. Grins were on their faces, their arms full of colorful top hats, wands, flowers, playing cards, and other items one might expect to see at a magician’s act. They unceremoniously dumped everything in the middle of their living room area in between the large, flat screen TV and black coffee table before practically collapsing against each other on their red couch.

“Well, that was surprisingly enjoyable!” Dan said. “And not just because I got to hurt people!”

Pinkie nodded her head up and down. “I know, right!” She giggled and fluttered her eyelids at Dan. “I guess even fake, theme park versions of things can be fun if you approach with an open mind!”

Dan nodded. “And steal from them as well as commandeer their bathrooms with your lover for a while.”

“Well, I thought that went without saying,” Pinkie said.

“I just wished I figured out that whole teleportation thing,” Dan bemoaned.

Pinkie smiled. “You’ll get it! You’re like the smartest, most determined person I know!” Pinkie swung an arm in front of her chest. “You just need to keep at it!”

Dan sighed. “Yeah, I guess.” He closed his eyes and placed his index fingers against his temples. “Turkey sandwich…” he said. “Turkey sandwich!” he said with a bit more force this time.

Pinkie frowned slightly as she watched Dan focus his full attention on attempting to summon a turkey sandwich onto the couple’s coffee table.

“Truuuurkeeeey sandwich!”

Pinkie suddenly smiled. “You know what well help you?”

“Peace and quiet?!” Dan snapped back grumpily.

Paying no mind to Dan’s tone, Pinkie continued. “A nice big plate of brownies with some nice lactose-free milk to go with them.”

Dan’s expression softened a bit. “Well… that does sound pretty great,” he admitted.

Pinkie sat up, running a hand over Dan’s stubble covered cheeks as she did. “You just sit right there and concentrating on bending the laws of space and time to summon a sandwich.”

 Dan smiled and nodded as he closed his eye again and continued his pseudo-chanting. “Turkeeeeeey sandwich!”

Pinkie walked her way over to the fridge, which was right by the front door of the rather small apartment. She opened it and peered inside. “Huh…” she said as she scanned the contents. Pinkie quickly followed this up by poking her head inside and went so far as to place a sneaker-clad foot on the bottom shelf, inserting herself part ways to look inside. “Did you finish your lactose-free milk this morning?” she asked, her body still halfway inside the refrigerator.

Dan looked up from concentrating long enough to furrow his eyebrows and shoot Pinkie an annoyed look. “If I did, don’t you think I would have remembered and stopped at the grocery store to pick some up!? And come out of the fridge! You’ll spoil all the turkey meat I won’t need in a second here when I successfully conjure up a sandwich!”

Pinkie pulled herself out of the fridge and stared blankly at Dan for a moment. She simply smiled. “I’ll just run down to the store and pick some up.”

Dan nodded “You do that,” he said simply before returning to his attempt at sandwich summoning. “Turkey sandwich!”

Pinkie closed the fridge and walked back up to the couch in front of Dan. She leaned down and planted a kiss on his forehead. “I love you, see you soon.”

Dan stopped long enough to give Pinkie a small smile. “I love you, too,” he said before almost immediately closing his eyes and returning to the task he was engaged in. “Turkey saaaaandwich!”

Pinkie smiled happily to herself, reached into the pile of miscellaneous magic gear, and pulled out her pink handbag. She slung it diagonally across her body and headed out into the bright, sunny day.

From a building across the street from Casa Paradiso, a head covered in red and yellow hair poked out above the several foot tall parapet of the flat roof.

“She’s out,” Sunset announced from behind a pair of binoculars.

“I don’t know why you bothered with those binoculars,” Trixie announced as she sat on what appeared to be a somewhat neglected, large wooden ballista and filed her nails.  The ballista, in turn, was on top of a roof that bore a thin layer of grit and a slightly greenish tint likely due to a lack of cleaning. Trixie continued, “It’s pretty easy to see from across the street if a woman with long, pink hair leaves the building just by looking.”

Sunset lowered the binoculars slightly, her left eye twitched slightly as an annoyed look crossed her face. “Just trying to maintain an air of professionalism regarding all this.” Sunset raised her binoculars back up to her eyes. “Not that any of you care…” she added in an aggravated tone.

A few feet away, Fairy Girl leaned next to the worn, metal door of the roof entrance, with a slightly bored look on her face. “It’s all just a wee bit convoluted for my taste,” she declared.

“Yeah,” Helen agreed as she sat on a cardboard box. “I mean, if we already had a ballista setup on the roof, we could have taken them both out and just have been done with it! Heck! Everyone could have simply rushed them and took them out!”

Sunset sighed. “Even assuming we did either of those things and succeeded, we still have all their friends and co-workers to consider. Asterisk has confirmed a few are pretty resourceful, and probably not above coming after us. If we simply took out those two and went on our merry way, there’s no telling who might start picking us off one-by-one.”

Helen raised an eyebrow. “Asterisk?” she asked.

Fairy Girl chuckled and shook her head, her long locks of red hair rocking slightly as she did. “Sunset thinks herself clever for that one.”

Sunset blew a dismissive gust of air at an errant strand of red hair in front of her face. “I know I’m clever. I just call him that because I got sick of clarifying which ‘Dan’ I was talking about in conversation.”

“Well, she’s gone,” Trixie said as she held her finger nails in front of her face and eyed them. “Can’t we get this show on the road already?”

Sunset turned and shot Trixie an irritated glance. “Did you pay any attention on the car ride over?”

“Only the important parts,” Trixie replied.

Sunset furrowed her brow. “You mean the parts where you were mentioned by name?”

Trixie glanced up from her hand and grinned. “That’s what I said, ‘the important parts’.”

Fairy Girl chuckled to herself as Sunset sighed heavily.

“Walked right into that one…” Sunset muttered to herself. She turned back to Trixie. “Well, we need to wait until we get a message saying that Pinkie is well far away before we move. We don’t want her just showing back up and wrecking everything.” Sunset smiled darkly. “Besides, if all goes according to plan this will all be finished by the end of tonight…”

“Completely out of lactose-free milk?!” Pinkie cried in disbelief as she stood in front of refrigeration cases full of dairy products. A noticeable empty space was directly behind her.

A freckled grocery store employee nodded, a slightly apologetic look on his face. “Sorry, we had a rush on it this morning… every carton bought up.”

Pinkie scrunched her lips up slightly as she contemplated what to do next.

“Well… I guess the next closest grocery store isn’t that far away…” she uttered to herself. “And I mean… what are the chances they’re completely out too?!”  Pinkie turned and smiled at the grocery store employee who was helping her. “Thanks for your help!” she said excitedly.

“Oh, come on!” Pinkie cried as she stared at another empty spot in a fridge where a line of lactose-free milk was expected to be. She turned her head from side to side, looking down the line of refrigeration units full of dairy products. She spotted someone who might assist her in her on her unusually long, quest to pick up a carton of lactose-free milk, a male grocery store employee who seemed to be restocking the eggs. Pinkie put on a smile and walked up to the man.

“Excuse me, sir…” Pinkie said. “You wouldn’t happen to have any more lactose-free milk in stock, would you? I checked the place where you usually have it and it was empty!”

A bespectacled man with brown, graying hair and a large chin turned towards Pinkie andgive her a small smile. “Is that so? Well, I’ll just have to double-check the back to see if we have anymore.”

Pinkie’s smile widened. “Thanks, mister! I need it so my boyfriend will feel better about his issues teleporting sandwiches!”

“Uh… right… sure…” the man said as a touch of confusion entered his face. “I’ll just head back and check on that item for you…”

“Wow! You’re super-de-duper helpful!” Pinkie said.

The man walked past Pinkie as he headed for a pair of black double-doors. His smile widened ever so slightly. “Oh, we’re all about customer service here… Just sit right here and I’ll be back.”

Pinkie bent her knees and lowered herself onto her shins, letting her green skirt fall neatly over her thighs and shoes. “Okie-dokie-lokie!” she said happily.

The man pushed past the double doors into the back of the grocery store.

“Soo… what’s he doing?” Trixie asked.

Sunset lowered her binoculars to roll her eyes. She began to talk in a nasally, mocking tone, “‘Why’d you bring binoculars, Sunset? You can see if someone leaves! What possible reason would you need an item that lets you see faraway objects other than that?’”

Fairy Girl chuckled to herself.

It was Trixie’s turn to roll her eyes, “Alright, alright, I get it! I didn’t know we’d be out here this long! I’m sorry about getting on your case about the binoculars! Now can you please tell me what he’s doing?”

Sunset raised the binoculars back to her eyes. “He seems to be sitting on his couch with his eyes closed and his fingers pointed at the sides of his head. He keeps on saying something over and over again…”

“What’s he saying?” Trixie asked.

Sunset slowly lowered her binoculars and stared up at Trixie. Her expression was a contorted mess as if a bus full of confusion slammed into her facade of irritation. “You do know how binoculars work, don’t you?!”

“Hmmph… this is just so boring!” Trixie cried.

“Well, I can’t help if he’s not doing anything interesting!” Sunset snapped.  She placed her binoculars back over her face. “Oh wait… he’s getting up… Alright, now he’s yelling at the coffee table… And now he’s motioning to the top of it while yelling… Aaaand he just kicked it over… Oh wait, now…” Sunset lowered the binoculars, her eyes wide. “That can’t be right…”

“What cannae be right?” Fairy Girl asked.

Sunset clenched the fingers of her free hand into a loose fist and rubbed one eye and then the other. “Well… it looked like a slice of deli meat appeared out of thin air and fell onto the floor.”

“Deli meat?” Helen asked.

“Is it still there?” Trixie asked.

Sunset checked her binoculars again. “Yes… still there… And he’s dancing around it happily…”

Fairy Girl frowned. “I sense a bit of magic in the air…”

Trixie suddenly stood and stared off into the distance. “I feel it, too…” she said as a light gust of air hit the roof, lifting her purple cape and silvery-blue strands of hair briefly before they drifted back into place.

Fairy Girl folded her arms over her simple blue dress. “Yer not even facing the right direction.”

“TRIXIE WAS JUST BEING DRAMATIC!” Trixie shot back.

“I bet you just said ye could feel the magic as to not be left out!”

“You can’t prove that!” Trixie snapped.

Helen gave the group an impatient look. “Can we go now?”

Sunset shook her head. “Magic or not, we still have to wait for the signal.”

‘DING!’

Sunset paused and looked down at a magenta handbag with a golden, sun-shaped clasp to keep it closed. She bent down to undo the clasp as she placed her hand inside, retrieving a smartphone. “Alright, that’s the signal,” Sunset said as she looked at her phone. She placed it back into her handbag and fished out a brown cap with a stiff bill that read ‘FedPS’ on the front.

Sunset stood back up, and raised a hand to push her long, red and yellow hair towards the back of her head. She placed the cap onto her head. The cap held back her hair except for a small lock of red peaked out from under the cap, hand over Sunset’s left eye.

“Let’s go,” Sunset said.

Fairy Girl opened the door she was standing next to and entered. Helen quickly followed.

Trixie rolled her eyes as she made her way to the door. “‘The signal’ was just a text message, wasn’t it?”

“Shut up,” Sunset replied indignantly.

Pinkie sat on her legs on the white and black linoleum floor of the grocery store with a glazed over, bored look on her face as she rested her elbows on her thighs and her head in her hands.

She sighed to herself. “Geez-Louisee! It’s taking a super long time to track down a carton of lactose-free milk!” She frowned. “I hope that man is alright…” Her eyes widened slightly. “I mean… what if he was attacked by a bunch of frozen hotdogs that gained self-awareness?!”  Pinkie paused and furrowed her brow slightly. “Wait… Would self-aware hotdogs figure out how delicious they are and try to eat each other…? Is that where the phrase ‘dog-eat-dog world’ came—”

“Here’s your lactose-free milk, miss!”

Pinkie looked up to see the employee who was helping her hold up a half-gallon, cardboard carton of lactose-free milk. She smiled and stood back up. “Thanks, mister!” She grabbed the carton. “You’ve been very…” Pinkie Pie trailed off, her eyes going wide as they unfocused.

Pinkie felt a sensation that she had been feeling with less and less frequency as she had stayed with Dan and adjusted to the chaos of his world. A sensation that caused her to drop the carton of lactose-free milk she was holding. The carton hit the ground with a solid ‘plop’ as it burst on impact with the linoleum floor, spraying milk-like-substance all over the floor, the bottom of the refrigeration units, and her feet.  Her face suddenly turned a shade that quite resembled the liquid that now covered the floor.

The man surprisingly said nothing and silently watched Pinkie.

“I’m… I’m sorry…” Pinkie said. “I… I have to go,” with that, Pinkie turned and fled towards the exit, sprinting hard and fast.

A smile slowly spread across the man’s face, like black ink spilled from a well. The man watched Pinkie run off down the aisle and out of the store.  “No problem,” he said, “I’ll clean up.”

Decked out in a short-sleeved, buttoned up brown shirt and brown shorts to match her hat, Sunset rapped on the door to apartment ‘8’ lightly with her knuckles. “Delivery!” she said sweetly as she clutched a clipboard to her chest. A large, cardboard box sat next to her.

Trixie sighed as she leaned against the apartment wall. “When you said, ‘let’s go’, I didn’t think you meant, ‘let’s go downstairs so I can change’.”

“Shut up!” Sunset cried. “He could open that door at any--”

The door suddenly swung open. “Did you just tell me to shut up!?” Dan demanded.

“NO!” Sunset cried as she turned towards Dan. She looked back and forth nervously and glanced down. “I was just… talking to my clipboard! I saw something on it that made me angry.”

“Yeah, they do that…” Dan said as he reached out for the clipboard. He began scrawling something on it before he looked up. “Say… Don’t I know you from somewhere?”

Sunset smiled. “You probably remember leaving me to freeze to death in an ice rink.”

Dan paused and stared at Sunset.

“... Wait,” Sunset said, “are you actually having to think about it?!”

“GIVE ME A SECOND!” Dan shouted back. “It’ll come to me!”

“WELL, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO YOU LEAVE TO FREEZE TO DEATH IN AN ICE RINK?!”

“Look lady,” Dan said as he leveled an index finger at Sunset. “I may not walk around leaving flighty broads to die in ice rinks, but I live a very busy life full of righting wrongs! Maybe you should start with what you did to me.”

“But I didn’t do anything to you!” Sunset cried.

“Can I do my part now?” Trixie asked.

Dan cocked an eyebrow. “Is there some sort of singing telegram thing or something that goes with this? I should warn you, I’ve been known to bite people who irritate me with singing… well… person.”

Sunset shot an angry expression off to her side. “WHAT PART OF ‘HE’S NOT SUPPOSED TO KNOW YOU’RE HERE’ DID YOU NOT GET?!”

“Oops,” Trixie said.

“Is this some sort of weird surprise that you suck at executing?” Dan asked. “Did Pinkie put you up to this?”

Sunset smacked a palm against her forehead. “We don’t have time for this. Trixie, just do your thing.”

“SLEEP!” Trixie cried as she suddenly leaned forward and thrust her palms in front of Dan’s face.

Dan’s eyelids dropped slightly and soon his entire body fell, collapsing into a heap in front of Sunset.

Sunset took off her cap and shook her head, allowing her red-and-yellow hair to fall back into place. She sighed. “Well, that was far less satisfying than I had hoped...” Her expression brightened slightly as she turned towards Helen. “Your turn!”

Helen sighed and walked up to Dan. She got behind him and leaned down, picking him up slightly as she dragged him into the apartment. “I can’t believe you guys just brought me to drag the heavy stuff…”

Trixie giggled. “That’s what happens when you don’t know any magic.”

Helen narrowed her eyes at Trixie as she walked out and leaned down next to the box. “Sunset doesn’t know any magic.”

Sunset folded her arms over her chest. “I had to run this little operation. If I wasn’t there you three would have been launching flaming logs at this place from across the street!”

Fairy Girl chuckled to herself. “Ye say that like it’s a bad thing!”

Helen made a strained grunt as she stood up with the large cardboard box. She trudged back inside with it, stepping over Dan as she made her way to the kitchen counter.

“Hurry it up!” Sunset barked out. “You never know when that pink-haired bimbo will just show up…”

‘SLAM!’

“Dan!” Pinkie cried in a frantic tone as she poked her head into the apartment.

There was no answer.

“Daaaaan!” Pinkie called out as she stepped into the apartment, her tone becoming increasingly panicky as she looked around. “Oh, please tell me you’re here and okay…! My knee got pinchy and…”

“Meow?”

“Mr. Mumbles!” Pinkie cried.  She beelined for the bedroom and threw the door open.

“Merow!” Mr. Mumbles mewed from the floor. She quickly leaped up into Pinkie’s arms who wrapped them around the gray cat.

Pinkie hugged Mr. Mumbles tightly to her chest. “What happened?” she asked, tears starting to form in her eyes. “Did they… did they take Dan?”

Mr. Mumbles replied with a sad sounding “Meow” as she motioned with one of her front paws to a rectangular black object that sat about a foot and a half high on the kitchen counter.

“Huh…” Pinkie said as she walked over to the item. “That’s Dan’s old VCR TV combo set… Did he get it out of storage…?”

Pinkie walked towards the front of the TV and noticed a video tape sitting on the counter in front of it. The words ‘Play Me’ printed neatly on a label. She picked up the tape and placed it into the player on the television set. The screen flickered briefly as the word ‘PLAY’ was displayed in bright bold lettering in a corner of the set before a scene of a man with piercing blue eyes, well-kempt hair, and a triangular soul patch came on. Wearing a blue button-up shirt and striped brown and tan tie, the man sat at a wooden desk. Metal walls devoid of decoration or paint were all that was visible behind him.

“Ah, Pinkie,” the man said with a smile. “You acted just as I expected!” His eyes narrowed as his smile turned a bit dark. “Of course, I knew you would…”

“YOU!” Pinkie cried as her eyes went wide. Mr. Mumbles leaped out of Pinkie’s arms and onto the kitchen counter.

“Yes, me,” Dan* said with a dark smirk, “me, me, me…” The man leaned to his left and motioned with his right hand. Dan hung limply against the wall, suspending by his wrists which had a pair of medieval-looking metal shackles around them.  “Me, too.” Dan* added as his smile grew ever so slightly wider.

“DAN!” Pinkie exclaimed. “What did you do to him?!” Pinkie cried in a demanding tone as she placed her face against the television screen. “If he’s not okay, I swear I’ll cut you open and make a cake out of your insides!”

“Whoa! Hahaaa…” Dan* took a playful swipe at the air. “Rrrrowr! Watch out for this kitty! She has claws!”

Pinkie narrowed her eyes and reached into her handbag. She quickly produced a chef’s knife and held the gleaming, eight-inch blade in front of the TV set. “Actually, I have a large knife. A large knife I’m not afraid to introduce to you, one organ at a time.”

“Hehe, easy tigress. Put that little sword away before you hurt someone! Anyhow, he’s alive… no permanent damage done.”

Pinkie narrowed her eyes. “Yeah, you’re getting stabbed, just so you know.” She suddenly pursed her lips in confusion and examined the sides of the TV closely. “Wait… if this is a tape how do you know what I’m doing and how to respond?”

Dan shook his head. “Oh, Pinkie, Pinkie, Pinkie…” He grinned wickedly. “Don’t you see? I know everything about you two!”

Pinkie rolled her eyes. “Oh, I doubt that…”

Dan* wagged his finger back and forth in front of the screen. “I’m in your head! I know everything you’re going to say.” He smiled darkly again. “Everything you’re going to do, even!”

Pinkie folded her arms over her chest as she continued to hold the chef’s knife in her right hand. “So you know I’m about to say that this whole Lelouche thing doesn’t scare me and I’m coming to get back my boyfriend anyways?”

Dan* smirked. “I’m guessing that was a reference to one of those Japanese cartoons you two like to watch together?”

Pinkie cocked an eyebrow. “You knew I’d reference something, but you didn’t know what? That’s kind of sad, actually.”

Dan* raised his hands in a shrug and shook his head from side to side. “I’m afraid we just don’t share a common interest there…”

“Oh, whatever…” Pinkie uttered as she looked over the TV again. “Did you take this thing out of Dan’s storage unit?” she asked.

Dan* continued to stare out of the screen with a dark smile. “Indeed, just wanted you to get a picture of how much I know about you two.”

“Well… okay… But I mean… you could have picked up a TV like this from a thrift store… I don’t know why you’re going to such lengths to prove you’re an obsessed maniac,” Pinkie said as she motioned out to Dan* with her knife. “I mean… we already knew that…”

Dan*’s lips suddenly raised as she showed Pinkie a smile of perfectly bright, white teeth. “Do you? You may think me mad, but it will matter little when I finally have my revenge on you two!” Dan* steepled his fingers in front of his face. “I’ve mapped out everything you’re going to do! Everything your friends are going to do! Everything is perfectly planned out! And the best part is I’m telling you all this and you’re going to do it anyway! You’re going to walk right into a trap and bring all your little friends with you! Now, is that victory, or is that victory?” Dan* began to laugh maniacally. “AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

Pinkie glowered at the screen. “This is all going to be a lot less funny when I bury this knife in your back, you realize.”

Dan* grinned back. “Oh you’ll try… I know you will…” Dan* suddenly sat back in his chair and placed his feet up on the table. He crossed them over each other as he placed his hands behind his head. “Now, to set the mood I’ve left another surprise with the T.V.”

“Is it a map to where I can find you?” Pinkie asked. “‘Cause that’d save us both a lot of time with the ‘me tracking you down and stabbing you’ situation…”

Dan* shook his head. “Now that would just take the fun out of everything.” He looked up and smiled once more. “No, you’ll find me but it won’t do you any good.”

Pinkie lowered her eyelids slightly and gave the screen an unamused expression. “Uh… I’m pretty sure finding you and performing violent acts on you will improve my current mood substantially.”

“SPEAKING of violent acts,”  Dan* raised his left wrist in front of him and looked at a watch. “Your surprise should be coming up in the next ten, no nine seconds.”

Pinkie furrowed her brow and shot the T.V. a confused look.

“Eight.”

Pinkie’s eyes went wide before she sighed.

“Seven.”

“Uhg… There’s a bomb in the T.V,” Pinkie said.

Mr. Mumbles made a distressed sounding “Merow” and bounded off the kitchen counter.

“Six.” Dan* nodded. “Yep, have fun! Five!”

Pinkie quickly snatched the TV’s power cord and ripped it off the wall.

“Fo—”

The speakers went dead and the screen went dark.

Pinkie quickly grabbed the TV set in both hands. “Three!” she said to herself.

She took a few quick steps towards the still open apartment door. “Two!”

Pinkie flung the T.V. outside. It sailed over the walkway, over the railing and out into the bright, sunny day.

“One—”

‘KERSPLODE!’

“EEK!” Pinkie let out a quick, startled yelp before instinctively throwing her arms up in front of her face.

Plastic and glass shrapnel shot out in all directions from the explosion, peppering the area with debris and even Pinkie with scratches and lacerations as tiny pieces from the ex-TV flew in from the open doorway.
After the explosion, there was no sound. Only an eerie quiet left in the wake of the loud boom.
Pinkie remained standing, the pain and injuries barely even registering to her as she lowered her arms. The idea that she had been given a slightly off count to start with was quickly washed away as another idea took root. Additionally, she paid no mind to the sounds of a balloon deflating or her usually curly hair going straight and limp against her face and shoulders.

She paid no attention the new tears in her clothing, the scratches across her bare forearms and legs, or even the trickle of blood running down her forehead and onto her nose.  The only thought that occurred to her is that something very important to her happiness had been taken. 

And she knew she had to get it back.

And she knew she had to make the man who had taken it from her pay.

Sky-blue eyes went wide briefly as they twitched and the set of teeth below them ground against each other briefly.

IT

IS

ON!

Pinkie balled her hands into fists, threw her arms into the air, and shouted at the heavens.

*Imposter