//------------------------------// // 100th Chapter Special Part 1 // Story: 113 Extremely Short, Incredibly Horrible, & Shamelessly Bizarre Slashfics, Plus 1 That's Just Plain Insane, Not to Mention a Character Uprising, a Bomb Threat, a Few Optional Stable Time Loops, a Foalnapping, & Additionally Saving the World // by Super Trampoline //------------------------------// ''You're crazy. Insane even. As Pinkie would say, you are all completely loco in the coco.'' Super Trampoline sat at a fancy table with four fancy pretty pony princesses. They were nibbling on fancy little cake and cheese slices. The cake was some weird coffee flavor, which wasn't his favorite, but the cheese wasn't half bad. Oh, and there was fruit salad too. When one is a bat pony, like Super Trampoline, it's hard to go wrong with fruit salad, every succulent citrus and magnificent melon sitting there, glistening with moisture, just waiting, begging you to bite into its juicy splendor, your fangs slicing into its sweet sugary goodness as you savor the luscious flavor, the fruit melting in your mouth as your saliva extracts every ray of sunshine exploding in your mouth, the euphoric nirvana... ''SUPER!'' Cadance barked. ''Gah! Sorry, sorry. That fruit is just really good. What's up?'' ''You were telling us why we shouldn't trust you.'' ''Right, right. Well, errrr, about that. I'm extremely honored that you would consider me for this mission. Especially given how I've treated the four of you in my stories. And it's pretty cool being in the heart of Canterlot castle. Last time I was here was on a fourth grade field trip, back when there were half as many field trips princesses.'' ''Buuuuuut?'' Cadance prodded. ''There's no way in Tartarus--'' a collective wince ''--this will work out, pardon the expression.'' ''You are pardoned,'' said a stern Luna. Twilight spoke up. ''Super, as much as I hate, or at least strongly dislike your short stories (that one about me helping you in the human world, for example, was absolute rubbish.), you are remarkably good at shipping ponies. Freakishly good.'' ''And, as is pertinent to our current predicament, other creatures,'' Celestia added. ''Exactly,'' Twilight resumed. ''Like, when I was in the human world, when I said our film technology in Equestria is very rudimentary, the girls made me watch Star Wars. Really cool movie, by the way. And famous opening scrawl? Now that you've paired it with Rainbow Dash, I can't picture it any other way! Or Smarty Pants and that Lyra plushie. Or Rarity's tail and Steven Magnet's moustache. You are equally good at working with inequine, and that's exactly what we need!'' ''Look, Your Majesties, I am honored that you would consider me for this mission. Especially after that last fiasco with Twilight, though again I'd like to point out that I was not to blame for her ill-fated anti-shipping conference nor the whole kidnapping me part which somehow got written off under the dubious claims of 'diplomatic immunity' and 'mistakes were made'.'' The newest princess withered under his glare. "But, to be honest, I'm just not sure I can pull this off. Shipping isn't my special talent! If anything, I do it because it requires little talent! I'm a musician! I have a french horn cutie mark!" "Celestia's special talent is raising the sun, and yet she most excels at professional cake eating.'' "Hey!" "Apologies, sister. I was simply trying to inject a bit of levity into an otherwise dour situation." "I appreciate your attempts at humor. We shall work on your comedic timing at some other, lest dire time." "What Luna is saying," Cadance said, picking up the train of thought, "is that what's on our haunches doesn't define who we are. We define who we are." "Right!" Twilight interjected enthusiastically. "Take my dear friend Rarity. Look at her cutie mark.Those are diamonds! Or well, I've never seen a blue diamond, but um, gems, I guess. I should ask her about that. Anyway, she's good at locating and digging up gems, but that's just a part of her repertoire. She's built off of it into defining herself as a great fashion genius. You can do the same!" Super raised his eyebrows. "Rousing speech, Purple Smart, but I'm a musician. A mediocre one at that. I mean, yeah, I manage the Ponytones and sing backup bass when I'm not busy being kidnapped in your basement--" another withering glare "--and play horn in the Ponyville Community College band, and this and that, and blah blah blah... but none of that has to do with what is for me at best a silly hobby. The point is, I just think you're putting an awful lot of faith in a mediocre pony." Cadance smiled, gently folding her wing over the bat pony. "Super, you've written some amazing ships. Brilliant pairings I would never have thought of myself, and I'm kind of in charge of these things. Some jovial, some raunchy, and some sweet. You are a master at your hobby. All we're asking is for you to matchmake for real now." "You really think I can do this?" "Absolutely. I am confident you will succeed." "I too, believe you will excel in this mission, Super Trampoline," Luna added. "My little pony," Celestia began with that phrase she somehow manages to make sound endearing rather than condescending, "You have proven yourself to be ready for this test." "Look," Twilight finished. "I still think you're batty. But if anypony can pull this off, it's you." "Thanks girls. I think you're wrong. I think this will probably fail miserably and possibly get me killed, but I am ready to make that sacrifice for my country!" "So you'll do it?" she asked enthusiastically. "Yes," he said, rising from my stool to look each princess in the eye. "I will set Tirek up on a date."