//------------------------------// // Chapter 2: Equestria Is A Terrible Vacation Spot // Story: How Life Changes // by The Zealot //------------------------------// So, I was walking through the forest, it was actually pretty nice and meant I didn't have to deal with the sun. Years of playing vidya games in dark places gave me passable night vision, so I was cool walking through that dark ass forest. Of course, I didn't just wander like an idiot, I stayed away from anything blue and changed direction upon seeing any footprints. It's times like these I really wish I had a knife, knew how to use it, and could hunt. I mean, let's be honest, unless I manage to live in the palace and they keep meat on hand for carnivorous ambassadors I won't be getting any, and I fucking refuse to be a vegetarian. Nothing against vegetarians, of course, but I gotta eat all that unhealthy and fatty food before I stop growing and start gaining weight, ya know? I eventually came across a clearing of flowers. Thankfully they weren't poison joke, instead being a beautiful turquoise color. The sun shining down upon this tree ringed grove of flowers was a wondrous sight to gaze upon, and I savored it. I lowered myself to my knees in the center of this grove, and brought a flower to my nose. It was then I realized that my sense of smell is practically nonexistent, and tossed the flower away with a 'meh.' The beams of sunlight reminding me of my hatred for such, I rose to my feet once more and walked off to the right. Why? Because right is always right except when it's wrong. ***** So yeah, I basically just kept walking for a while until I reached that river, you know the one, and while I was contemplating what I was gonna do I found myself somewhere else. That somewhere else happened to be Twilight's library, surrounded by the Elements and the Princesses. Oh joy. "This is the creature you spoke of, Twilight?" Celestia asked the Purple Pony Princess, who replied with a nod. I simply crossed my arms and shifted to stand more comfortably. "You know, it's rather insulting to call another sapient being a 'creature', as a Princess I would have assumed you to know of such social faux pas, but apparently not." For those of you who don't know, a 'faux pas' is basically when you fuck up in polite conversation. Like, calling an intelligent person a 'creature', see where I'm going? Rarity seemed rather surprised at my knowledge of social etiquette, understandably so considering I've never been one for social interaction. The Princess also seemed rather ashamed at her slip up, before containing herself and offering an apology. "You are correct. I would like to offer my sincere apologies for my rudeness, I've just never had to deal with a situation like this before." That was her excuse, eh? Well, that's bullshit for sure. She's had to have had dealings with the other races, which means that indeed she's had to deal with a situation like this. "Hmph, I'm sure. Anyway, I would like to inquire as to your reasoning behind forcibly pulling me from the quite pleasant stroll I was having." Even if I don't respect them, royalty did deserve slightly fancier speech patterns, wouldn't you agree? To answer my question, Twilight stepped forward a sheepish look on her face. So that's what sheepish looks like, huh. "Well Zealot, the Princess had wanted to meet you, and I'm sure you'll agree that we wouldn't want to make her wait." Ah Twilight, you are just so ignorant to my not giving a fuck, aren't you? As I said, I don't quite respect the princesses. Reason being, I ain't a citizen, now am I? "Actually, I don't agree. I was out having a nice time, and I couldn't give a damn about her waiting on me. Next time, why don't you use your head instead of forcing things on people, eh?" I may or may not have given her a 'are you serious' look while I was saying that. What can I say, my face is made for frowns and glares. "Hey! Who do you think you are telling the Princess to wait!" Enter Rainbow Dash, stage right. The annoying brand promotion flew right up into my face and started yelling at me, fuck's sake man. "Skittles, if you don't get outta my face right now I will punch you, understand?" She may have been glaring daggers, but she backed off after I said that. "Anyway, I think that I am myself, and I am no subject of your Princesses. As such, there is no expectation for me to care about their wants, such as time. Got it?" My explanation garnered a few gasps of disbelief, more glaring from RD as well as some from Lulu, an outright shocked look from Twilight, and a slightly bemused smile from Celestia. "Not every day someone doesn't kiss the ground you walk on, eh?" I said to Celestia, a slight smile on my face matching her own. She made a reply by way of a quite giggle and a shaking of her head. Well, if I was gonna stay here then there was gonna be a lot of that, I guarantee it. "But anyway, I'm here now and I don't plan on walking out at present," I turned to the two people of power, those being the Princess, and raised an eyebrow, "so, what exactly do the two of you want?" "Well, when Twilight spoke of a new... uhm... person, that she'd never heard of before I thought it best to come down and see you for myself. I'm sure you can understand that I must make sure not to allow anything that could cause harm to my ponies to stay in my country. I will say other than your sharp words, you don't seem that dangerous." You know, I'm not quite sure if she was insulting me or complimenting me with that last bit, I just gave her a little nod of understanding. "Eh, my people can be damn violent when we need to. That being said, I don't believe I'm ever going to need to. And in all truth I'm more a lover than fighter, or author, as the case may be."I replied with a shrug, as I mentioned my 'occupation' as an author I saw Twilight's eyes light up in excitement. Oh, I've fucked myself now, haven't I? And so with another bemused smile, courtesy of Celestia, and plenty of glaring received from the rest of those in the room save for Twilight, we began the hours long session of questions. Twilight of course was curious about my writing, to which I replied that I touched on subjects such as the end of the world and the overthrowing of political leaders. If you're reading this I assume you understand what I mean by that. Pinkie, whom I allowed to ask questions before all else, asked such simple questions as my favourite foods and candies. She was a bit surprised to hear that my favourite cake was lemon vanilla, perhaps because it's not the most common of flavorings. Likewise she was surprised to hear of my love for mint chocolate chip icecream. Well, I can guess she's planning a party. During explanations for Pinkie and Twilight I had spoken of some of the things we Humans have accomplished, flight and the moon landings and such. This of course garnered lots of questions from Skittles and Moonbutt, which I tried to answer as best I could. I've never been one for aviation, and other than the basics I didn't know much about space. Having forgotten much of what I had read in my younger years. Fluttershy asked about the creatures on my planet, and once she got past her surprise at our being the only sapient race on the planet, she soon grew quiet with thought. As I had suspected, she took my being omnivorous better than everyone, save for Celestia. I don't understand why so many authors portray her to be terrified of carnivores, considering what she spends all her time doing. Applejack was wondering about our agricultural situation, and I answered her questions as best I could with my limited knowledge. I dredged up a bit of information from school on improvements we made to our farming over the years, and shared them with AJ much to her delight. I think the background pony is starting to grow on me. I mean, she got points for being polite and thankful, so. I kept Raribitch waiting till the end. Now, I'm sure a lot of you out there love her, but I personally just hate Rarity with a passion. My hatred grew as she tried to tear off my jacket and clothes so she could 'Burn these travesties of fashion', a growled threat of bodily harm made her stop. I decided to be nice, however, and offered an explanation and lesson that even though she thought she was providing a service, most normal people wouldn't be so keen to accept the 'help' of someone forcing them to do something they didn't want to. She calmed down a bit more after I said that I may have some work for her at a later point, assuming she could rein in the... what's the word... whatever you call her obsession with other people's clothes. After a quick look out the window we all saw that this session of questions had lasted into the night, a quick look at my watch confirmed that it was now 1:25 in the morning. After some quick discussion between Twilight and herself, Celestia made it known to me that I would be staying at the tree house/library for the time being until proper accommodations could be made in the castle. Tia was even so kind as to promise that they would stock meat in the palace for when I came over, and that they would ship some down her for the time that I was staying with Twilight. While we may not be the best of friends yet, I feel that I had made some progress with the elements, and so as they left for home and sleep I bid them all farewell and a good night's rest. Soon after everyone had left Twilight went up to bed, and I was left to my own devices, I had been told where my room was, sure, but I wasn't sleeping. Making my way into the kitchen, I rummaged about until I found some apples and pears, and made a nice little meal of them. I was a tad bit hungry seeing as how I hadn't eaten all day. My snack had, I ventured out into the main library so as to read up on some relevant subjects, such as magic use and manipulation. What? If I was gonna be here, I was gonna try my damnedest to learn magic.