//------------------------------// // Miracle Breakfast // Story: Appledashery // by Just Essay //------------------------------// “Uhm...” Rainbow glanced up from poking at a bowl of porridge. “What's the projector for?” “And after ze photo session, I, Photo Finish, vill show you ze Canter Park! It's ein herrliche Stück grün smack dab in ze middle of Manehattan!” She trotted around the table, pouring milk into Hans' and Hans' glasses. “Ze Hanses and I lofe to relax on ze park benches and vatch squirrels murder birds for bread.” “Sounds... uh... awesome...” Rainbow gulped, her eyes narrowing on the white sheet erected before the table. “What's with the projector?” “And aftervards, another photo shoot! Zis time by ze Haydson! Mmmmm... seagull vings make for a fine background to ze monochrome magiks! Don't you agree, Meine kleine Jungs?” “Ja, Mutter!” the Hanses collectively throated, munching between words in perfect unison. Their eyes glued patiently to the sheet in front of them. “Ve are ready for ze mornink epiphany!” “The morning what-now?” “A day is like life!” Photo said, merrily trotting about the table. “It shtarts all golden and new! Zen it languishes srough optimistik blue shkies. Zen, in a natural cykle, it returns to darkness! Nein, I vould be a kriminal for not showink meine handsome Hanses ze beauty and ze tragedy of life in a blink!” She stood by the projector, grinning. “First! Life! In full bloom!” She cranked the thing and flipped it on. “Rejoice in the beginnink of all sings, meine Kinder!” “Oh, hey!” Rainbow glanced up from fidgeting with her brown suspenders. “Breakfast and a movie! That's... uh... kinda snazzy.” “Ja,” one of the Hanses nodded, munching on a muzzle full of oat-meal. “Ziz is Gustav's favorite part.” “I am Gustav,” the other Hans said. “Okaaaaay...” Rainbow turned to look at the flickering image broadcasting on the sheet. “Uhhh... hey! Jecuzzi party! Killer!” She blinked, then leaned forward. “Say, Photo, is that you?” “Ja, Fraulein!” “Why... are you just sitting in a big bath of cranberry juice?” “Nein! It is a horse trough of vater!” “Water?” “And zat is nothink but ze glorious color of ze foalink.” “Ah. Okay.” Rainbow nodded—then twitched. “Wait... the foaling?” “Whoops! Ach Je!” Photo flipped another switch. “I forgot to turn ze sound on!” Click! A warbling recording of Photo's hellish screams echoed across the room, making every breakfast plate and watcher pitcher rattle madly. Rainbow winced, stretching her long-sleeved hooves to her ears. “Grrggh—What in the name of Celestia's sky muzzle is that?!” “Ze nature of music!” Photo said, grinning wide. She had to yell to be heard above the sound of... her own yells. “Ze beauty of kreation is most exkuisite!” She leaned in to nuzzle the Jaeger Hans. “Don't you agree, Meine kleinen Prinzen?” “Ja, mutter.” Both colts stared at the projection, scarfing down their breakfast. “Oops! I forgot to revind all ze vay! It makes no difference.” Photo waved. “Zere are shtill five rounds of ze labor pains left to go.” “Hrhhhkkk!” Rainbow clamped a hoof over her mouth as her blue cheeks turned green. “In about two minutes, Gustav shall come floatink to ze top to join me in ze shkreams of life!” Photo beamed, squatting down to a seat across from Rainbow. She waited for the butter knife to rattle towards her before using it to slather margarine on a slice of toast. “Since konception, I knew zat an undervater birth vould be die gesündeste! But I did not vish to share zis magic alone! So I infited all meine friends to join me and hold hoofes around ze horse trough! Zey gave me ze spirit energy to surfife ze infersion of meine womb. Ja, most graceful.” She munched on a slice of bread, pointed, and gulped her morsel down. “Ah! Zere's Kurt, my manedresser right now. Vait... nein, zat's Natasha, fomitink. Silly fraulein.” “Natasha is veak, mutter!” “Sehr gut, Hanses! Zat is vy she is nefer infited to ze annual feast of livink!” “What... urp...” Rainbow grimaced, teetering nauseously in her seat. “... is the f-feast of living?” “Vonce a year meine foals and I shlice off a tiny piece of ze Hanses refrigerated placenta and shvallow it down vith ze grape juice!” Photo gulped another bite and smiled proudly at her sons. “In acht Jahre, you vill be old enough for vine! Isn't zat wunderbar?” “Ja, mutter!” With a gurgling sound, Rainbow collapsed out of her chair and landed on the floor. “Mutter. Your guest is makink fine art on ze floor!” “Ja. In your lederhosen too!” “Mein Gott...” Photo glanced down at the floor, shrugged, and returned to watching the projection. “Poor graceful Awesometopialander.” A smirk. “At least it vill save her ze trouble ven we got to photograph ze cow carcasses later.” She gasped suddenly. “Sieh mal! Gustav! You are crownink!”