How I Feel.

by TheGreatEater


From the Heart

Vinyl sat down her bottle of Apple Jack’d Whiskey and looked over at the mountain of crumbled paper. Some were notes, others parts of songs. The most recent one almost had the feel she was going for but still felt inadequate.

I want to tell you how I feel,
because the feeling is so real.
But the words never come,
They never start.
So I crack a smile,
and ask you to stay a while.
But you never do and
the pain is so real.

And I just want to say I love you.

“Crap! Damn it, why is it so hard just to tell that mare what I want to say? You know what Mr. Paper, muse pony? Buck you with a pogo-stick sideways, and go suck on a horse feather! I’ll just … just *sighs*,” Vinyl’s anger her figment of her imagination faded as she took a deep breath, and another opened bottle of Apple Jack’d Whiskey, “I’ll just say it straight,” She said while picking up another pen and a blank piece of paper.

Hey Octi, Tavi, Tavs …

I can’t believe how hard it is to say something, and this is hard for me to do, so please read all of it before throwing it away. Sweet Luna’s teets I can’t believe I’m finally writing this.

So yeah, I love you. THERE I said it! I’ve known you since forever. Well not forever, more like 10 years, ever since Pricnness Celestia’s School For Gifted Unicorns and her school for Gifted Earth Ponies had that mixer for musicians. I was my usual self, and you were all kinds of perfect. I mean eversince you came into my life you’ve given me the best memories of my life. You’re so refined, and nice, and dead honest. Seriously it’s like you drink bottled perfection every day or something. Or would that be you are a bottle of perfection every doay? I wonder what that’d taste liek? Waht a tic, I needs me a drink of something …

And baks. So as I was saying, you are so perfect, and awesome. And I know that things can’t happen between us because you’re 1,000,000% awesome, and I’m well … I’m me. I know that I don’t say the right things, or I try to hide my insecuriteis behind being ego-something, egonomic? egoicicle? egonomtistical? Something like that, but yeah. You’ve always accepted me ,and I swear you see through me sometimes. But you still like me as a pony.

I guess what this bal of tardis-ness is trying to say is that I love you. I love you more than all the booze in Equestria, more than my Vinyl collection. Heck I even love you more than all the Nutella that was, is, or ever will be made. And if you can see it in your heart to give me a chance I’ll do everything in my power to make you the happiest mare in the world/

Wubs and Luvs,

VS

Looking at the mess of a letter she placed in an envelope, and before she could second guess herself. Placed it in the mailbox to be delivered to Octavia. As she got back to the mess that was her creativity room she plopped down with a grunt and looked at the mess that formed a veritable sea of paper. With little mountainous islands that piled up and spilled out into the rest of the mess.

“Well I guess I know what I’m doing tomorrow. Other than cursing Princess Celestia for raising the sun, or whoever invented hangovers. Seriously that griffon needs to be smacked, because no loving pony would invent something so evil. Although my mom said Princess Celestia made the sun, but I don’t buy that. Who’d want to make a giant murderball in the sky. That and Unicorns rose the sun first, the Princess just does it cooler.”

***

Just as Vinyl predicted she woke up with a killer hangover made worse by the sun blaring into her eyes, “Somepony turn out the sun! It’s trying to eat my brains!”

Flopping off of her futon she stumbled onto the floor of her bedroom. She recalled that she drunkenly wrote a confession to Octavia, feeling equal bits dread and horror. She rushed to the mailbox hoping that it was still here. And to her utter disappointment was gone. In its place was a brick of papers that at the moment didn’t mean anything more than she had sealed her fate, and possible doom. Remembering that the sun was evil, ran back inside to put on her snazzy goggle-shades, before heading to the bathroom to take a nice relaxing bubble bath.

As she rest in the pool of bubbles she talked to herself, “Well what’s the worst that can happen Viny? Other than outright rejection. Or her thinking I’m pulling a prank on her and laughing in my face. Or possibly hat … nah, she knows plenty fillyfoolers and she’s friends with them. Yeah she might be one of those who’re holding out for a stallion, and by Celestia’s Sugar Bearded Cake she could get one without a problem. But she wouldn’t hate me. Thank the princesses for small miracles. Maybe I should just move to the Griffon Empire for a few months till things cool down? I can’t do that either, I got to many fans who need the wubs to feed their soul.”

As she monologued, she sank deeper and deeper into the bubbly goodness of her bubble bath until she just stopped talking and submerged herself into the water. As the comfort overcame her she had but a simple thought, What will be, will be. I’ll just leave this in fate’s hooves.

***two days later***

Octavia looked at the letter before her for what felt like the hundredth time. She had known Vinyl for ages, and it sounded like drunken Vinyl. But she didn't know what to think about it. On one hoof, Vinyl was an adventure when ever she was around. Surely nothing boring ever happened near her. She also had the amazing talent to make the mundane amazing. Just like a foal on its first Hearth's Warming Day.

But on the other hoof. It was that child like quality that could at times be off putting. Just as that amazement, and sense of wonder made her lack stability. Something that Octavia felt more comfortable around. But on the third hoof, that spontaneity was just what she needed to get her out of one funk or another. Setting her head onto the table looking at the note before her, and an empty one needed for her response she took a deep breath and said, "I need a drink to help me think of a proper response."