When I finally got past the torment of the nightmare, the sun was up, and the gleaming city of Canterlot lured me out onto my balcony. Sighing, I put my hooves up on the railing to get a better view, leaning my face out into the wind. The gusty breeze dried up the tears that had matted in my coat, tossing my mane back so the curled ends brushed against my wings. It made me think about the fact that I hadn’t been flying in months, since the last lunar rainbow I’d cast. And the moon wouldn’t be full for a couple weeks yet.
Maybe just a quick flight over the tower, I thought, spreading my wings wide and leaning further out. Nopony would see me out here…
“Shall we fly down to Ponyville together, my dear?”
In an instant, my wings snapped shut and I pushed myself back, the wind suddenly gone from my face. I spotted Discord beside me on the balcony, but I ignored him and walked into the tower to fix my mane.
“That’s too bad,” he went on, following me. “It’s the perfect day for flying. I’m sure Rainbow Dash will be enjoying it.”
“I know I’ve told you that you’re not allowed up here,” I interjected, rounding on him. He just showed that one fang of his in a familiar grin and flashed over to my vanity mirror, grabbing my hairbrush.
“Allow me to fix your mane for you,” he crooned, curling a claw to coax me closer.
“You wouldn’t need my brush to do it if you wanted,” I pointed out, changing my direction as subtly as I could manage and going over to my bed. I reached out with my magick and lifted the blanket off the floor, draping it carelessly over the sloppy sheets. “And, besides, I must insist you leave. Wait for me downstairs if you feel you must escort me to town again today.”
“Not gonna happen,” he chuckled, rising out of the design on my blanket. With a gasp, I started to scramble away from him, but he reached out and ran his claw back and forth on the underside of my muzzle, trying to tickle me. That would have been fine, I’d never been ticklish, but then his claw inched a little too close to my throat and I felt ice shoot through my veins.
One powerful surge with my wings sent me up into the rafters and I landed on the closest beam big enough to support my weight. After a series of shaky breaths, I looked down at Discord, wondering why he hadn’t responded, and saw him inspecting the rainbow of crystals encasing his claws and all the way up to his shoulder. As he shrugged and brushed them off as easily as he would with dust, he grinned up at me.
“Not ticklish, I presume?” he asked, frowning when he noticed the crystals sprouting up again.
“More like paranoid about anypony…touching me,” I mumbled, lying across the beam and keeping my left foreleg tucked against my chest. “Sorry about the crystals. I didn’t even realize I did that…” He looked up at me sharply and I hid behind my mane in shame. “Th-there should be a trick crystal you need to pull out first.”
“Does involuntary magick happen to you often?” His voice beside me shocked me, but not as much as his paw coming to rest on the top of my head. Flinching, I ducked my head lower.
“No, this is the first time it’s happened…” Although it wasn’t a lie, my mind jumped to my sporadic blackouts. But telling him about that would only trigger more events to haunt my dreams.
My nightmares…
Something shimmered at the edge of my vision and I looked to see Discord holding his crystal-covered claw out to me. “Would you point me to the trick crystal?” he asked, making the light refracting from them dance across the room.
I quickly leaned forward and pulled out the only clouded crystal, which had sprouted from the middle of his palm, watching the others fall at once to the floor. Instantly, he grabbed my muzzle and turned my face to him, his eyes boring into mine as though they would reveal all my secrets to him if he looked hard enough.
And I feared that they just might…
Already these past two days, this draconequus had caused me to surprise myself in ways I’d never imagined. The first shocking act, of course, had been not running the instant somepony had discovered the first of my secrets. Knowing he’d have been able to stop me was no excuse for this and other blunders. What could this mean?
My eyes widened in shock and fear.
He dropped my muzzle, probably thinking this reaction meant he’d gone too far. Somewhere in my mind, I wondered if he could possibly know the mistake had been mine.
“Warning,” he said, whispering in my ear, and snapped. I blinked at that moment, and ended up in front of my vanity with Discord brushing the knots from my mane. “Lunar, dear, you need to trust me. I happen to be the only defender you seem to have.”
“Trust is simply not something I do,” I snapped, staring at my reflection dead in the eyes. I couldn’t tell, though, whether I was telling him a fact or trying to convince myself. “And I’m not going to.”
He chuckled and twisted my mane up out of my face, securing it back in a large clip painted with bright yellow roses the way I usually did only when doing some intense studying. “That’s what I used to think.”
In Ponyville, I discovered that I’d walked into a larger role the day before than I’d suspected. The citizens were looking to me as their representative to the princesses. On too many occasions, I found myself telling a mare or stallion—even a pair of colts looking out for their younger siblings—to take their worries to the mayor or Princess Twilight for the moment.
And then I spoke to Twilight about this worrisome development.
“Oh, actually, that’s a great idea!”
I must have misheard that… I thought, frowning. “Come again?”
“It’s a great idea. This Nightmare Light fiasco is placing more responsibilities on my back. Representing the interest of Ponyville is going to be too much for me now. And the mayor has so many other things she needs to deal with already, which is why she passed that task to me in the first place. I was planning to ask Applejack to handle it, but it seems the citizens have chosen you for the job.” She turned to me with a smile. “They chose to trust you. Would you—”
“I refuse,” I interjected, stepping forward to glower down into her face. Her eyes met mine with shock. “I don’t need a town full of ponies looking to me as a leader.” Again, my mind added, a shiver running down my spine.
The first ponies I’d met had given me their loyalty—until they’d blamed me for either too much rain or not enough and I naturally blocked the incident from my mind. That was only the beginning.
“Lunar Rainbow, was it?” Princess Cadance asked, moving away from one of her guards to stand next to Twilight. I transferred my glare to her and she smiled softly. “I couldn’t help overhearing and I’m not sure you have much of a choice. These ponies have chosen you as their new representative. If you refuse to help them, won’t the situation just become worse?”
I didn’t respond, just continuing to glare, mostly because she was right. They wouldn’t like my refusal to listen to them, and problems would arise for the princesses—and for me if I ended up continuing these daily excursions to Ponyville, and, from what I could tell, Discord would not be allowing me to cease with the visits.
Sighing, I bowed my head and half-closed my eyes. “Princess, you may formally announce to Ponyville that I will act as their crisis representative until somepony else can be appointed permanently.”
“Wonderful!” Twilight cried, moving as though to hug me. My eyes widened and I scrambled back to avoid her, clamping my wings closer to my sides to keep them from fluttering like hers were.
“Stop, don’t touch me!” I shrieked, my body going tense as though waiting for an attack. Twilight stepped away from me and I felt myself relax, only then noticing all eyes in the room trained on me. My outburst had even interrupted Discord’s intense discussion with Fluttershy. Now I’d done it. Explaining my way out of this would be nearly impossible. “I-I… I don’t want anypony…to touch me…”
Trying to look anywhere other than at the ponies watching me, I noticed Fluttershy coming over to me with a sympathetic expression on her face, and I couldn’t stand it. I muttered something—an excuse to leave?—and ran outside, not stopping until I found myself at the edge of the Everfree Forest.
I looked at two trees towering above me and recognized them. Had I really been so close to that place all this time?
I had to go back.
Picking my way backwards through that memory—that first memory—I ended up curled in that spot, remembering that innocence I lost. That’s how Discord found me.
“Now, I wonder what the significance of this place is,” he said, lounging in midair in front of me. “I thought you’d gone home, but you weren’t at the tower. Why could that be?”
I draped a hoof over my face before responding. “This is the first place I remember. The only place I didn’t have to…” I stopped there, telling myself that he’d only betray my trust.
He didn’t let it go like I thought he would, though. Instead, he pulled my hoof away from my face, meeting my eyes curiously. “What didn’t you have to do?”
I knew he couldn’t be, but I thought he looked earnest… I thought he looked…serious.
“I didn’t have to be afraid…”