“Big Macintosh, easy when you brake.
It looks like the poet's now awake.”
“Eee-yup!” I hear as the cart slows down.
I shake my head a few times to try to get my sight straight. Safe to say even in my blurred vision, however, I am on a cart through the town of Ponyville, which is getting pushed by the big brother of the Element of Honesty. And to confirm this notion, the orange blur which I believe could be her is in the back of the cart with a greyish blob I suspect is Zecora. “So how was it, Wound? What did ya see in this inner journey?”
“Well, it wasn’t really much of a journey, more like a conversation with myself and the magic horn on his head in a realm of white. Kind of disappointing really; I was hoping for something more creative.”
“A realm of white? Talking to yourself?
Did I take the wrong powder from the shelf?”
A greyish blob moves around as my sight slowly gets its shit together. It looks like she is getting the remainder of the powder out of her bag.
“No, Onderlandwah I did use.
So what explains this peculiar view?”
“What, are you saying that WASN’T supposed to be what I was seeing?”
“Yeah, she told me before that you would be coming out of it saying you had a strange journey of some kind to discover somethin’ about yourself. Buncha weird characters, musical numbers, that sorta thing. Zecora had some of it one time, an’ went on some journey on some yella road with Moonwalker in a scarecrow outfit.”
My sight returns to normal as the zebra smiles.
“And from that journey I had that day,
I did not fear moving away.”
I try standing up in the cart. “You mean…” I fell face first thanks to my still asleep legs. Better try again later. “You mean I could have danced down a yellow road with Moonwalker but instead I had some multiple personality B.S. in some boring void?”
The now non-blurry fillies shrug.
“Goddess damn it!” I shout as I stand up again, this time staying upright, only to realise I’m in a cart and sit down again for my own safety. “Trust me to not hallucinate correctly! And I bet all that we’ve planned won’t happen either.”
They now both look perplexed, at each other, and back at me.
“What did you plan with yourself, exactly?” Apple Jack quizzes.
“Well, I made a plan with the unicorn me and his horn to translate Neightalian and Zebrafrikaan for me to speak and understand, but good chance it's just bull-”
Zecora grabs me and reaches her mouth to my ear in an enthusiastic manner.
“[This is a test to see if it’s working: reply by saying a sentence in Zebrafrikaan if it worked.]”
Oh Celestia… I understood that. It’s working! Yes! The uninteresting hallucination was useful! Let’s see… What to say… What to say… Ah! I know!
“Die appel kar is vol van palings.”
The zebra moves back in reply, just as perplexed as before. The cow-filly is stunned.
“Did… did he just say somethin’ in Zebrafrikaan?”
“He did, but he said something surreal.
He claims the apple cart is full of eels.”
I laugh, only to realise I was the only one laughing.
“Seriously? No-pony here know that skit? Silly-Gallop and Fish Finder? The Bad Translator Book Sketch? Come on, Zecora, you are learning Equestrian and you don’t know about Python Mount’s Flying Circus?”
Clearly not. Okay.
“So it was intentional randomness?
I would never would have guessed.
Maybe say something that makes some sense
And will not make me feel like I’m dense.”
I nod. Something that’ll make more sense… I know! I’ll ask her where the train station is!
“[Do you mind telling me where I can find the railway station?]”
The zebra is excited. “[Yes! Yes! Very good! And very fluent! I can’t believe how well your pronunciation is!]”
I smile. Nice to know I can work with my magic. I can’t call it controlled yet, but fuck I love it when I’m using it to my advantage instead of it unintentionally trying to get me killed. Maybe I should ask Zecora about the powder.
“[Is it okay if I can get more powder? I have a feeling I’m going to have to talk to my magic again.]”
“[If it’s the reason how this conversation is happening right now, I agree.]” Zecora says as looks at Apple Jack. “[But there’s a good chance she’ll say no. I have an idea.]”
“What? What are you two talkin’ ‘bout? Woundsalt, did you ask her somethin’, there?”
“Yeah, I asked whether or not I can get some powder for some other time.”
“Oh gee, buddy, I don’t know. I bet Twi’ll be already mad at me handin’ you a drug…”
“The drug’s not addictive, it’ll be fine.
In fact I think everypony should give it a try!
I bet if you give some to Applebloom,
She will find her cutie mark very soon!”
Is she seriously pushing the drug to Apple Jack’s sis- Wait. I think I know what she’s planning to do.
She’s planning for Apple Jack to take Onderlandwah and get her unconcious.
“Woah, now!” the filly shouts. “No offence, Zecora, but there is no way I am givin’ her anything that’ll knock ‘er out!”
“Well, you could try it out yourself… I mean, if it’s good for you, it’s good for your sister, right?” I mumble.
“… Beg your Pard’n?”
“Well, Apple Jack, you can’t tell me you don’t have questions to ask yourself! Did kids used to pick on you for your name? “
AJ’s hesitates before nodding. “A very stallion name more than a mare’s, huh? Made my poor classmates think I was easy pickings. The biggest mistake was fighting back, I’m sad to say. But what does that got to do w-?”
I put my hoof onto her mouth gently.
“They tell me back in the orphanage, a mother’s instinct during foalbirth names the foal. So with that in mind, why did your dear mother give you something that sounds like a colt’s name? Implying something, perhaps?”
“Wuh… Whut you mean?”
“I’m saying, according to your mother, you might be a colt stuck in a filly’s body.”
…
Wow, I am quite surprised I don’t have my face kicked off my head.
I bet the thought to do so crossed her mind before she started to think about it.
I turn around to see our driver looking behind him at his sister before returning to look at the road. I may not know much of a brother-sister relationship, but I think he gave out a look of ‘well, if you want to do it, do it.’
“All right, fine. Gimme some.”
Zecora pulls out the bag of powder and pours a smidgen of it onto the cart floor. The cowgirl hands me her hat.
“If this stuff kills me, I’m haunting you til’ your grave. You hear me?”
“Noted.” I say as I put her hat on my head.
She turns to the powder, and licks up the Onderlandwah. “Huh. It don’t taste like it l…”
If she was about to say looks, I would agree. But I would never know until she wakes up.
Zecora takes the unconscious filly’s hat from my head and puts the bag of powder in my hoof. “[Well done. I could never have sold her the idea that way. Maybe you learnt something from Doctor Brainstorm after all.]”
“[Don’t count on it.]” I reply. “[I’ll pay you the moment I find an ATM in this town.]”
“[Oh, no need. Consider it a present of thanks for giving me someone to talk to without having to think up some rhyme.]”
I nod as I turn to the driver. Clearly this gift needs to be in the mattress with my deed to my poems. “Hey, Big Mac! Think you can drop me off at the library? I figure Rarity’s boutique will be easy for me to find by myself.”
“Eeee-yup.” The big red machine says as he stops to point at an extravagant building decorated to the brim.
And I thought Twilight was the fucking princess.