Wake up, brush my teeth, take a shower. The same old routine. All leading up to......what? I almost grab my weather factory vest and head for the door before remembering its my day off, and remembering that I didn't have to get up early today. Horse apples! I trudge back into my room and throw my self back onto the bed. Of course I'd ruin my day off by getting up and doing things. Can't I just have one quiet day? Wait! Who's that talking? It certainly can't be me, Rainbow Dash, best flier in Equestria. I hate quiet days! I hate sitting still! I hate doing nothing! My fire quickly dies out though. I don't have the energy to be Rainbow Dash right now. Once upon a time I would have been out there practicing my moves, flying circles around any other pegasus that dared to take to the sky along side me. Then again, once upon a time I also had a reason to practice and to show off. Sigh. That reason is dead now. I had friends then as well. They're dead to... Well, dead to me. I beat my pillow viciously at the thought of those foul excuses for ponies. My so called friends, my sisters. With a huff I get up and walk back into my living room. With another sigh I flop onto the couch and switch on the TV, hoping it will take my mind off of the bitter memories.
"Good morning Cloudsdale! My name is Scoop Scribble and this is your morning news. Here are today's top stories. A dragon who travels around from town to town giving gems to lucky ponies has been slapped with a smuggling charge, two earth ponies claim to have discovered the remains of an Alicorn in the Everfree forest, and the newest music sensation may have hidden messages in its lyrics." Click.
I change the channel, not really feeling like sitting through another session of Scoop's dribble. Flicking through the channels I finally stop on the extreme sports network. It usually has something to hold me over on my less than active days. Unfortunately, what I find playing is definitely the last thing I want to see right now. Coverage of the Wonderbolt's world tour. I turn the TV off before I can see anymore and toss the remote onto my coffee table. Leaning back and putting my hooves over my eyes I try to think of anything other than the flyers I'd admired my entire life. Up until a little over two years ago that is.
"STOP! Just stop....... please?" I beg my mind not to go there. Not today. It's bad enough I dream about it most nights. I don't need it ruining my day off. Luckily my stomach makes its presence known reminding me that I have yet to eat breakfast. That might get my head into a better place.
I walk into my small well equipped kitchen. I don't think many ponies would expect this but I'm actually a pretty good cook. This morning though I don't feel like being fancy or anything. Some haycakes and a glass of orange juice sounds just right. So I set to work, mixing the batter and sprinkling in a hoof full of berries just to brighten it up a bit. After I set my plate at the table and wash the pan, I reach for a cup only to find my favorite one mysteriously missing.
"That's weird. I always put it on the bottom shelf." I mumble while searching the cabinet for the missing glass. I find it pushed against the back of the cabinet on the top shelf. I'm forced to pull a chair up to the counter in order to reach it. "Now how did you find your way up here?" I ask taking hold of it and stepping down. I must have forgot and put it up there by mistake. That's the only explanation. I place the glass on the table before moving my chair back into place. I pour orange juice into my cup and take a seat. To my displeasure I note that my haycakes got cold while I was busy searching for my cup. Great, this morning just gets better and better.
.......
After eating my breakfast and sitting on my couch for about another hour flipping through one of my old magazines I decide to take a walk. The thought stops me for a second. Me, Rainbow Dash, going for a walk. My old self would have slapped me silly right now. I shake those thoughts away once again and grab my scarf before heading out side.
Its nice out. The sun is shining. Its kind of chilly but with my scarf wrapped securely around my neck I'm perfectly comfortable. Not many other pegasi are out and about but the few I see give me a kind hello and continue on their way. I head toward the local book shop, wondering if maybe the next Darring Doo book magically came out three months early. What? A girl can dream can't she? I smile lightly at my foalish thoughts. I sound kinda like- NO! I stop dead in the street and stare at the ground. I'd almost slipped, again. My breaths come quickly as I try to regain my control. After about a minute my anger burns down enough for me to continue on my way. Letting out a long slow breath I focus on what I was doing once again, and make a mental note of that being the second time today.
The book store is mostly empty aside from myself and the pony working there. I walk around for a bit, checking tittles and thinking about grabbing a coffee from the small shop across the street before I head to the park. In the end I don't buy anything and end up not getting that coffee either. I just walk down to the park and sit quietly on one of the benches. Birds chirp in the trees and the wind gently ruffles my multicolored mane. Maybe I should have brought a piece of bread to feed the birds. To late now, perhaps next time.
I let out a long slow sigh. It had taken a long time for me to get like this. To let go of my old tendencies and habits. To stop dreaming of flying. Ever since the......incident, that's all it would ever be again, a dream. Far beyond my reach, and yet I'm forced to face it every day. Every time I glance over my shoulder, every time I look in the mirror, every time I see the pity in another pony's eyes. I'm forced to face the cold hard truth alone. I will never fly again.
.......
I didn't notice I'd fallen asleep on that bench. Not until I was awoken by a somepony I don't know with a gentle shake. I had that moment of panic that you always have when you wake up in a strange place, but it passed quickly. I thanked the pony who woke me flatly and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes before getting up. Its sometime around noon by the look of it and more ponies are out than before. None that I know though. With a light yawn I start heading out of the park and back home. Unfortunately along the way I get a bit turned around and end up on the wrong end. I wave down a taxi, deciding that it would be better than trying my luck on the winding paths again. Its a short and boring ride back to my small home on the outskirts of Cloudsdale and when we arrive I pay the driver and thank him. He nods and flies off but I still noticed the small flick of his eyes over to my back. Its not everyday you see a pegasus with only one wing I guess.
"DAMN IT!" I yell as soon as my door closes. The frown etched on my face deepens when I feel hot tears spilling from my stinging eyes. I'd slipped for the last time today. One little thought set me off, just like they always did. As shattered memories fell through the cracks in my emotional dam, I can't help but curl up in a ball right there and sob. Flashes of trees, the jagged walls of a rocky canyon, and glowing green eyes. A most unRainbow Dash like whimper finds its way out of my throat before I can clamp down on it. My entire body shakes as I try with all my will power to shut out the sound of crunching bones. That sound that has haunted my every night of sleep. Crimson swims before my eyes as I hold back the bile rising in my throat. But after a few moments of fighting I lose the battle and, as quick as my shaking legs will allow, run into the bathroom.
After my...expulsion is over, I rinse the acidic taste out of my mouth with a bit of water and curl up on my bed. My shaking has lessened considerably but my tears wont stop flowing. They relentlessly soak the blanket below my hooves as small sounds of sorrow whisper over my lips. The broken images and sounds are replaced with full memories even thought I try with all the energy I have left to push them back. With out my permission, my living nightmare plays out all over again.
.......