Sombra's good mood from scheming a way to rise to power again didn't last as long as he had hoped.
Certainly not as long as it took to do the dishes, that was for sure. Sombra was technically an earth pony now, but he certainly wasn't used to doing chores, or any sort manual labor. Sombra's front ankles hurt from washing so many dishes, and he was now only concerned with resting for the time being.
When Sombra walked back into the living room he found Spike and Lyra talking, one on either end of the sofa. Lyra was sitting exactly like Spike, even though she was a quadruped by nature. Sombra decided to ignore that, lest he be tempted to ask the mare and receive a nonsense answer that would further sour his mood.
Sombra sat down on the sofa between the two of them, leaving a reasonable distance from either Spike or Lyra thanks to the enormity of Spike's furniture. Sombra did listen to snippets of their conversation however, wanting to make sure they weren't talking about him. Lyra was the one speaking when he started paying any real attention.
"So, Roseluck says those seeds you gave her are starting to sprout. She says she's got high hopes for them. Roseluck wanted to thank you for getting them for her, and that you can expect to try her first harvest yourself." Lyra exclaimed happily.
"That's great, I'm glad I could help her out. I'm sorry you're forced to be our go-between, but she's kind of jumpy around me since my last growth spurt." Spike replied guiltily.
Lyra waved her hoof in front of her, dismissing his worries.
As soon as their conversation was at an end, Spike used his tail to grab a green glass bottle off of the coffee table. The spade at the end of Spike's tail effortlessly popped the cap off the bottle. The open beverage was placed in front of Sombra on the coffee table, a coaster separating it from the actual glass to prevent unsightly condensation rings.
Sombra accepted it with some difficulty, as he found it hard to maneuver it with just his hooves but he got the hang of it eventually. He was pretty thirsty, so he didn't particularly care what it was.
Sombra soon found it was hard cider after a hearty swig, and it was good too.
The bottle bore a label reading: Sweet Apple Acres All Natural Cider, The Best In Equestria. Beneath that were four small seals of approval, a golden one, a midnight blue one, a pink one, and a lavender one. It seemed Sombra wasn't the only one fond of the stuff.
Sombra must have been smiling a little without realizing it, as Spike was smiling back at him.
Spike took a hearty drink from his own bottle, draining it in no time flat. Sombra was somewhat alarmed when Spike tossed the empty bottle up in the air and caught it in his jaws with one lightning-quick striking motion of his snake-like neck.
A sickening series of crunches signaled the end of the bottle, causing Sombra to involuntarily flinch.
As soon as the empty bottle had been disposed of Spike returned his sunny expression to Sombra.
"Glad to see you like the cider, consider it a peace offering. I was in a bit of a mood earlier. I'd been helping a friend move all day and hadn't had a chance to eat anything before I had to go get you. Otherwise I probably wouldn't have squeezed you so tight. Despite appearances I'm not normally needlessly violent. I just get short-tempered when I'm hungry." Spike apologized.
"Pffft you were in a bad mood because you didn't make it home for some midday joke with the most awesome mare in Equestria." Lyra corrected with a smug look on her face.
Spike shot a death-glare at Lyra, making Sombra question her statement. Sombra watched the scene unfold with great interest. Spike almost seemed more like Lyra's father than her friend, something Sombra thought was rather humorous to even think about.
"First off, Rainbow Dash is the most awesome mare in Equestria. Secondly, shut up. Sombra's like right beside you." Spike griped at the turquoise mare.
Sombra was having some difficulty with what he assumed was newer terminology. Reading the book earlier had helped Sombra to get a feel for speaking in a more modern way, but it seemed slang and newer terms were still beyond his understanding. If Sombra intended to do anything in this age he decided it was best to make an effort to master normal speech.
Lyra seemed to use a lot of euphemisms and slang, so she would likely make a good starting point.
"What is joke? Is it like humor? As in telling a joke? Or is it some new thing invented in the last thousand years?" Sombra asked before finishing off his cider. Spike noted he placed the bottle right beside the coaster, likely just to be difficult.
Spike sighed and got up from his spot on couch.
Spike then proceeded to lift the entire couch he had just been sitting on with one arm, as if Sombra and Lyra weren't even sitting there. Sombra couldn't see what Spike was doing from his new awkward position, but it sounded like some kind of hatch or door was being opened.
With another click, likely the hidden door shutting, Spike lowered the couch back to the floor slowly.
Spike dropped back into his place on the sofa and showed the former dictator a large plastic baggie of what appeared to be dried-up, blue flowers. Sombra couldn't see anything particularly unusual about them, but Lyra certainly seemed happy to see them.
"I seem to be missing some vital piece of information. What is so special about these flowers?" Sombra asked sounding somewhat bored.
"They're a special kind of flower originating in the forest outside the house, commonly known as poison joke. Normally you wanna avoid them at all costs since they have some kind of magical oil they produce.
"If you touch it without protection something everypony but you will think is funny happens to you. Like getting shrunk, getting a different voice, or getting your wings turned upside down. It's powers are pretty easy to counteract and the oil can't get through my scales anyway, but I accidentally discovered a way to use them... recreationally." Spike explained.
Sombra tried thinking of how the flowers could be of benefit, but nothing came to mind. It seemed like something Discord would invent, which was a definite possibility. Some sort of medicinal purpose might be possible, or maybe it could be an alchemical component. Whatever the use, Sombra knew next to nothing of magics like potion-craft or alchemy.
"What use are these flowers then?" Sombra asked curiously.
"Allow me to show you." Lyra replied in Spike's place with a sinister grin as she took the bag from Spike with her magic.
Sombra watched Lyra as she set the bag beside herself and levitated the bag Sombra had seen her with at dinner to herself. From within it Lyra took another clear bag filled with card-paper squares. Cutting the squares into strips with magic, she folded them carefully.
Sombra was somewhat surprised that Lyra was skilled enough at using her magic to do several at a time.
Eventually Lyra had several short, card-paper tubes she set in front of her on the coffee table.
Next, Lyra took a small, relatively flat box from her bag and pulled just as many tissue-paper squares from it. Setting them on the coffee table Lyra grabbed several of the poison joke flowers from the baggie beside her with her magic and crumpled the dehydrated flora to bits. Once finished Lyra distributed the flower bits into each of the papers while removing stems and seeds.
Before Sombra had time to blink, Lyra had combined the tubes with the filled papers and sealed them with her tongue like an envelope.
"Time?!" Lyra shouted as she tossed Spike one of her creations.
"Bout, a minute thirty-nine seconds for seven joints. You are the master." Spike replied casually, catching the joint as he did.
To Sombra's confusion Lyra placed one of her creations between her lips. Sombra looked over to see Spike doing the same. Lyra passed Sombra one of her creations as well, and Sombra followed suit, only to be laughed at by Lyra. Sombra scowled at her, but blushed when she turned it around for him.
Sombra observed Spike ball his clawed hand into a fist over his thumb, and then quickly forced his thumb out. Sparks shot out as it scratched against his other claws, but he repeated the process three times until a small but steady green flame was atop it. Spike used his impressive reach to go in front of Sombra and light Lyra's joint.
Lyra breathed in a deep breath through the joint that was now sending off blue, wispy smoke. The results seemed almost immediate and Sombra watched as Lyra practically melted into the sofa, letting out a pleased purr, almost like a cat that was being petted. Sombra immediately realized the purpose of the strange creations.
Sombra watched as the whites of Lyra's eyes slowly turned a pale blue, something he might have been worried about had the mare and Spike not seemed so calm. She took another long puff a moment later and Spike passed her a small glass dish for the ash to fall in. Lyra seemed coherent, but incredibly content to just sit there.
"So, these flowers are some kind of drug? Like opium, but also like tobacco?" Sombra asked Spike.
Sombra had little experience with such things but knew the common-folk of the empire had had buildings made for ponies to use opium in. They had been popular place to hide in for the ponies that escaped the mines. Sombra himself had never used the illicit substance, nor actually used a tobacco pipe either.
"Nah, non-prescribed opiates have been outlawed for centuries. This is much less harmful to ponies. It just takes the edge off a little, good after a long day. It's sorta harmful to a pony's lungs, but no one is making anyone smoke it.
"I'd say it's about as bad for you as liquor, but for lungs instead of livers. Lyra and I personally enjoy it, but it's not for everyone." Spike explained as he lit his own.
Sombra considered the small, rather unassuming joint between his lips. Sombra looked back to Lyra, who was currently blowing blue smoke rings in his direction.
"So, if opiates are illegal, does that make this drug legal?" Sombra questioned.
Spike thought on it momentarily, but shrugged the question off.
"Nopony really knows about smoking it. Lyra, my friend Zecora, and a few other ponies I know are all that use it since I have to get it from the Everfree for them. As long as it stays under the radar it isn't likely to become illegal. Even if it was I'd probably still use it though. My back hurts pretty often since my wings are developing, and it's got natural magic that really helps." Spike explained.
Sombra didn't see the harm in trying the joke, if it truly wasn't much more harmful than drinking.
Sombra held the joint out, allowing Spike to repeat his lighter trick. once it was lit Sombra took a short puff of the joint, allowing the magical smoke to do it's thing. Sombra coughed a bit, and briefly regretted his decision, but only for a moment.
Almost instantly Sombra felt tension he hadn't been aware of until now lift itself from him. Sombra soon found himself in a considerably more relaxed disposition. Sombra had no memory of ever being this at ease.
Sombra closed his eyes, enjoying the calmness that was so unfamiliar to him. All of the sudden he felt very warm, but not in an unpleasant way. When he opened his eyes again Sombra found himself leaning up against Spike who looked down at him in surprise.
"I think I enjoy this. I don't seem to have a care in the world right now." Sombra said evenly as he continued to rest his head against Spike's arm.
"Happy to hear it." Spike chuckled.
Spike looked into Sombra's eyes, seeing them become pale blue like Lyra's and his own.
What was unusual was the irises of his eyes changed from a blood red to a deep blue which Spike could only compare to sapphires in his vaguely drug-addled state. He hadn't ever seen poison joke smoke do that to anyone before, but Sombra certainly seemed alright.
Spike even thought Sombra seemed better than normal if he was completely honest. Lyra had reacted strangely her first smoke too, so Spike wrote it off as a pony thing.
"Can you help me take the rest of my armor off? it's rather uncomfortable when lying down and these buckles are rather difficult without magic." Sombra asked, derailing Spike's train of thought.
"Uh sure." Spike responded uncertainly.
With a little difficulty getting to one of the buckles Sombra was laying on, Spike managed to get the neck and torso armor off of Sombra. Spike left the crown and cape though, since they were part of Sombra's signature look.
Spike watched with mixed feelings as Sombra stretched out like a cat, making himself comfortable. It was incredibly weird, but not inherently terrible.
That was when Spike decided to push a little, just to see how chill Sombra actually was right now.
"You know, you've got a pretty long mane for a stallion. Have you ever thought of a braid in the back?" Spike asked innocently.
Sombra closed his eyes and took another puff of his joint as he considered it.
"No, I can't say that I have. It used to be all shadows and flowed of it's own accord. I never had to do anything with it. Do you know someone who can do it?" Sombra replied, looking up at Spike.
Spike snickered a bit at seeing Sombra so passive in total contrast to his nature, but Spike kept his cool.
"Actually. I'm reasonably skilled with hair, despite not having any myself." Spike replied, sitting up more to have better use of both his arms.
Sombra too repositioned himself, allowing Spike to go to work.
Spike actually began braiding a ponytail into the back of Sombra's mane, as he had said he would. Spike hadn't actually expected Sombra to go along with it, and now felt kind of bad about it. He hadn't expected the former tyrant to be so compliant or submissive, even with the poison joke smoke.
Not knowing exactly what to do, Spike decided to see if he opened up to Sombra, Sombra might do the same.
"See, I was raised almost entirely by mares my whole life. I started picking up some tricks, even though I tried to act manly to save face. Eventually I became big and muscular, and I just didn't need to pretend to be that person anymore. Now I cook, clean, and do whatever I want without fear of anypony judging me, and I'm better for it." Spike told Sombra as he did Sombra's hair.
"I imagine lots of ponies wouldn't say anything because they think you'd eat them if they did." Sombra mused.
Spike frowned, but kept at his task regardless since Sombra couldn't see him.
"I'd never eat a pony. My family is almost nothing but ponies." Spike replied.
"I dunno, Blossomforth said you did one hell of a job eating her when you two were together." Lyra snickered.
Spike lifted one of his hands from his work on Sombra and snapped his fingers, causing a spark to appear and fade.
Lyra's new joint that she had just started on went up in emerald flames instantly as a result, leaving Lyra with only a barely lit nub in between her lips. Lyra pouted and floated the ember that was once a filter into the ashtray.
"Sombra, just a word of advice, don't repeat anything Lyra says unless you're certain you know what she meant. As Luna learned upon her return, expressions and phrases are much different than a thousand years ago. Particularly the phrase being mooned caused her a lot of grief." Spike informed his guest.
Unexpectedly, Spike's only response was a dull snore.
Spike craned his neck down to see Sombra snoozing, his nearly finished joint having ash ready to fall. Spike took it and put it out in the ashtray. He finished Sombra's braid, tying it with a red ribbon borrowed from Lyra's bag. Spike then gently picked Sombra off the couch, cradling him in his left arm. Using his right he lifted the couch, allowing Lyra to replace the stash of poison joke.
The hour had grown late, and now Lyra was tired as well. After a big yawn Lyra decided it was a good idea to get some sleep too.
"Night Spike. I hope things go well with Sombrero, I like him for you." Lyra whispered before teleporting off to her room, not giving Spike a chance to answer.
She's worse than the damned owl was when it comes to mocking me. I never thought I'd miss the who? bit. Spike thought to himself as he headed to his room with Sombra.
Spike couldn't help but look at Sombra as he descended the stairwell to the basement. Now that it was in his head, he saw Sombra as a fairly good-looking stallion. Plus, once he had tried the joke he had been remarkably good.
Now if only he could act this adorable all the time. Spike chuckled to himself.