//------------------------------// // Apples and Oranges (Applejack, Apple Family, Everypony, Pinkie, and Cutie Mark Crusaders, Random/Comedy) // Story: Bombastic Bookpony's Bazaar of Oneshots // by Bombastic Bookpony //------------------------------//         She moved gracefully through the dark. An eager grin was on her face. Finally, she had all she needed. Finally, she could get out of that hick town and back to true civilization. Her mission was complete, and the Apples were doomed. Everything was going to plan.         Until five, very annoying ponies descended upon her. Damn it! I thought I was free of those pests! She adjusted the tie on her suit, reached for the handy pistol she kept in her hat, and turned to face her attackers. That was the only reason why she kept that horrid thing with her anyway. She aimed at the weakest link. Twilight was the most powerful unicorn in Equestria,Dash was the fastest Pegasus, Fluttershy had talked down dragons, and Pinkie was unpredictable. But Rarity? She was just a dressmaker. She put on her best poker face and stared at the five, daring them to make a move.         “What the hay are you doing, Applejack!?” exclaims Dash in disbelief.         “Celestia, I hate that name. Got rid of it long ago, I go by.... Orangejack.” she smoothly replied in a Trottingham accent.         “...That’s somehow an even worse name!”         “Orangejack? What are you talking about? First you knock out Applebloom, then you go missing in the night and all the secret Apple family recipes are gone! What’s happening here?” Twilight asked, trying to gain control of the situation.         “I told you of my Cutie Mark story, did I not? Well, I fudged the details a little. I found my home alright. I found my home with the classy, sophisticated Oranges. I joined their ranks, and they sent me back here as a spy, to gain information on their secret recipes and their illicit deals. The Oranges and the Apples have a very violent family rivalry, you see. It’s taken me two decades of my life, but I’ve done it. I got all I’ve needed, and when I get to the drop site, the Apples are doomed!” she chuckled an evil, dastardly chuckle.         Rarity, facing down the barrel of a gun held by her former close, rural friend who she had just found out was a spy and was speaking inexplicably in a Trottingham accent while wearing a fabulous suit, found only one thing would come out her mouth. “Celestia, is anypony else getting a little hot in here?”         “But that doesn’t make any sense! What about the Elements?” Fluttershy asked.         “I guess I’m just so good at what I do I fooled the Princesses themselves! Really, all this was an unplanned accident. All this Element shit is way more than I signed up for.”         “I know you’re pointing a gun at one of our friends, and that you’ve been lying to us from the moment we met you, but I can’t get over this. The Oranges are from Manehatten! Why do you have a Trottingham accent?” Twilight screamed, horribly confused.         The arrival of  ponies with orange Cutie Marks and guns spared Orangejack from answering. “Oops, I lied again. Did I say when I get to the drop zone? I meant now that I’m at the drop zone!”         But then, ponies with apple Cutie Marks and guns came up behind them. “Put it up, AJ. Or is it OJ now?” Big Mac snarled.         “Does nopony else see how ridiculous this is!?” shouts Twilight.         “We trusted you! We thought you were family!”         “Just gos to show how stupid all that inbreeding has made you.” `        “I should blow off your head right now,” he snarled.         “Even you aren’t that dumb. Seems as though we’re evenly matched.”         “Wrongoronie!” Pinkie exclaimed, finally speaking up. “All along, I’ve been an undercover cop, trying to bust these illegal food families! I’ve got all the dirt on the Cakes, and with your presences and the info AJ, um, OJ, maybe AOJ? Omigosh, Apples and Oranges! I get the rivalry! It’s because you guys are as different as Apples and Oranges!” She snorted, showing that her eccentric personality, at least, was real. “Where was I? Right! With all this, I can finally bring two you guys too! Honestly, I’m surprised I’ve succeeded! I mean, my story was full of holes! A rock farm? Really? You guys bought that?” Everyone turned their guns on her. “Stop right there! I got snipers on you right at this instant! Surrender, and you’ll live. Prison doesn’t have the bad food the stereotypes say it does, guys, honest! I help cook and it is delish!”         “I’m not going to jail! You have to kill me first!” exclaimed Orangejack.         “For once, the Oranges and the Apples agree,” Big Mac said.         “It’s just *bleep*in’ food!” cried Twilight.         Then came the first gunshot, causing one of the most infamous, bloody massacres of the Food Gang Wars, and believe me, there were many massacres in this rivalry. That’s how I got this scar on my uvula. On my pancreas too, but you don’t want to see that. Poor Pancreas. Nopony ever wants to see him.   I suppose the lesson here is, families and food don’t matter. Not as much as peace and love and the common tie between all ponies. If we focus on that, if we just do the right thing, maybe things will change. I don’t know. But I can hope. That’s what we all need, and that’s what those people lacked, what led them to go into gangs. Hope. Always keep hope. Remember that.         Scootaloo came out of the room with a face of sheer disbelief on her face. She said nothing for several seconds.         “Well?” asked Apple Bloom.         “You know how Pinkie tells weird stories?”         “Yeah?” Sweetie answered.         “They’re even weirder when she’s sick.”