//------------------------------// // Curve-Ball Time! // Story: I Blame You // by Whitestrake //------------------------------// As I stated in Bloodmoon's update, real life has been kicking my ass lately. But I somehow managed to make this update bigger than that one, and I have no idea how. $%$%$%$%$%$% “... and that brings us to the modern day: a time of raging war, famine, and highly likely global destruction and the extinction of all life on Earth.” They looked awed, shocked, and disgusted at the same time. “Of course, the positive things humanity does balances out the negative.” That did nothing to help them, even Celestia seemed to be affected by my tale. I suppose that any human monarch unaccustomed to war would react in a similar way, even though it would be to a lesser extent. “You've been killing each other since the dawn of your species?” Twilight's question was quiet, almost silent, but rang out as though she had yelled. Perhaps I should have focused on the positive segments of human history, but that's water under the bridge. “How could you do something like that?” “Bloodshed has been a natural part of human existence.” I shrugged that out, and the Unicorn wasn't satisfied with it. “Are you seriously going to sit there and try to justify that much death?” Just who did she think she was? I am seriously considering bringing in my full debate skills into this, but I suppose that conversation would be way too long to be productive, so maybe another time. “I am not having this argument with you, not right now.” Twilight appeared to begin a rebuttal, but was thankfully cut off by Nurse Redheart entering the hall. “He's waking up, do any of you want to see him?” I'm not going to speak on behalf of the Princess, it's her call. Of course, that didn't mean she was going to make it by herself. I wonder if Celestia had read Jay's mind, what side-effects would he feel? I truly have no idea. You're getting better at that, didn't even feel the brain tickle that time. I also noticed that the mania hadn't returned, despite the fact that the tranquilizer's effects had worn off some time ago. Well, Princess, what's the word? We going in? I'm amazed that you're asking. I have no idea how she managed to display sarcasm, but she did. It's magic, I don't have to explain shit. With that, I cut off as much access as I could, trying to keep her out of any area I deem unfit. I would appreciate it if you wouldn't go through my things. But you aren't going mad, wasn't that your primary concern? I knew that she was fully aware of my apprehension to have the little talks. But, I suppose the two of us should see to him, it would do some good for him to be in the company of friends. Define friends. Celestia giggled a bit, outside my mind. I bowed, and waved my hands to the door in mock chivalry. “After you, Princess.” $%$%$%$%$%$%$ Jay's head hurt, it felt like someone had slammed a tire iron into his skull. What did Taylor do? The last thing he remembered was the laptop being shot, then white. The teen glanced around the room, he was in a hospital. That made sense, the laptop must have exploded, and someone called an ambulance, it wouldn't have surprised the teen if his friend was in a similar state. Of course, that was if he'd survived, that FTL gun might have blown up, too. Despite how tough Jay knew his friend was, he doubted Taylor could walk away from something like that. This wasn't the worst outcome he'd experienced from his friend’s antics, these injuries didn't even rate on the same scale as the others. The teen chuckled a bit, it felt good to laugh. The enjoyment didn't last long, as the flutist came to a strange realization. Where were his parents? If he was hospitalized, wouldn't they have rushed to see if he was okay? The teen didn't get to think, because whoever just opened the door took priority. It was a white horse, with a multicolor, flowing mane. Jay went from thinking he was in the hospital, to believing he was dead. That was the only logical explanation he could come up with, after all, it's not like he could possibly be in Equestria. You'd be surprised, human. “THE FUCK WAS THAT?!” Jay jumped out of the hospital bed. $%$%$%$%$%$% “Jay, calm down!” I probably shouldn't have yelled that, but I can't be bothered to care. No, seriously, I can't be bothered because Jay is trying to throw a fucking chair at me and Celestia. Why did Nurse Redheart even see fit to allow a steel chair in his room, in the first place? That's just bad form, in all seriousness. Celestia caught the seating device with her magic, and gently set it down behind us. I'm glad that was the only thing in here other than the bed, because being hit with furniture hurts, usually very much. “Could you restrain yourself?” Celestia was still calm and collected, but was not thrilled by Jay's little stunt. “Sorry. I'm trying to hit Taylor.” Jay grabbed a pillow, why he thought that would be effective, I will never know. “Why?” I dodged the sleep-aid in a ninja-like manner. “Because whatever the fuck is going on is your fault.” He tossed a blanket at me, which really just fluttered in the air before landing. His response made me stop for a moment. “Hold up, you don't know what's going on?” “Nope, not at all.” Jay stopped for a brief time, seemingly thinking. “Can I have that chair back?” “Hell no.” Seriously, Jay didn't know? Was this an effect of the concussion, or a side effect of the mind reading spell? A bit of both, I'm afraid. Great, just great. Any idea when he'll get his memory back? I hoped she knew, I really did. Wouldn't it be easier to just explain things to him? Yes, but then I couldn't beat the shit out of him. “Wait, what?” Celestia hadn't bothered speaking into my mind, that left a thoroughly confused Jay. I'm glad he'd run out of things to throw, and I doubt he could lift the mattress. “Yeah, him remembering is crucial to my revenge.” I received two curious looks, one more confused than the other. “The hell is going on?” We ignored him, and the Princess focused on my earlier statement. “Why?” I'm amazed the concept of vengeance is foreign to her, with the whole Discord thing and all. “Punishing him for his treason is useless if he does not remember his crime.” I know my wording could have been better, but I did not care. “You make it sound like it's a capital offense.” Celestia sounded motherly, a quality that I can hardly stand. She had a point, though. I did make it sound worse than it was. “Princess, he told the three outside that I was an assassin here to kill them and free Discord.” I had a flat tone and facial expression as I spoke. “Don't you agree that he needs his ass beaten?” “Okay, that sounds like something I would do, but I don't remember any of it.” “You will, and when you do, I am going to murder you.” Celestia looked horrified at that. “Fucking try it.” Jay puffed out his chest and took a step forward. “Sit down before I throw your scrawny ass out the window.” “I don't have a chair to sit in, now do I?” Oh, right. Jay's a smartass, I keep forgetting that. I gave Celestia a look of annoyance. “He should remember everything in a few minutes.” She had no idea how happy I was to hear that. Actually, I do, and I’m worried by that. Relax, I'll do it away from the other ponies. You make it sound like you have something you're going to do before that. Princess, trust me on this, my idea is amazing. I didn't wait for her reply, and cut the connection. I didn't even know I could do that. Maybe being human gives me some sort of magic resistance, huh, I have to try that at some point. I must say, yes, humans have an innate resistance to most forms of magic. I thought I got rid of her. Nope, still here. You can kick me out, but I'll come right back in. Trollestia is now canon. What is this Trollestia you speak of? “Why are you two just staring at each other?” I flipped Jay off, and headed for the door. “Where are you going?” “To get your little friend.” I had to conceal my smirk. “Who?” “You'll find out, Jay. Princess, you might want to come with me for this.” Celestia looked confused, but complied. I think she fished the information from my mind, but her face did not hint at it. We reached the door in silence, Celestia was the first to leave. I kept the door open, but it was only a crack. “Applejack, could you come here for a moment?” “What d'ya need?” Despite my hatred for rednecks, I had a fondness for the farmer, a healthy respect for her hard work. I've always felt too few people take pride in what they do. “I'm going to do something you might not like, but it will give you the chance to break even with Jay.” Applejack looked a little more enthused than I had expected, but that was good. “Just roll with it, okay?” Applejack nodded the affirmative, and I opened the door fully. “What's with Applejack coming in?” Jay couldn't have been prepared for what I had planned, and I hoped the farmer had some serious acting skills. “Unfortunately, AJ, he doesn't remember a thing.” I tried to sound a little disheartened, and I think it worked. Applejack picked up and followed my lead with flying colors. “He don't does 'e?” The farmer looked frustrated, and a bit nervous. By all that's holy, I have a actor on my hands, here! “What's going on?” Jay was in full freak-out mode, which is always a good thing. For me it is, anyway. “You see...” I trailed off, trying to build tension. I would bronze Jay's face if I could, but Equestrian technology does not possess the means to do so. I looked at AJ, who nodded, did she know what I was about so say? If she did, she's a trooper. “Jay, you knocked Applejack up, and refused to marry her after she found out.” Applejack wasn't too pleased with what I'd said, but even she couldn't help but enjoy Jay's reaction. I have never seen anyone go so pale, so quickly, without hypothermia being involved. The flutist tried to speak, but only managed a few stammered syllables. I believe the British call this being gobsmacked, if that is the correct term. “B-bullshit, there is no way our genes would even be compatible.” He tried to sound sure of himself, but I knew better. Jay was better than me when it came to dealing with people, but I could make him believe me. “Actually...” There was a low reply from behind me. Holy shit! Thank you, Princess, you are a godsend. Any time, Taylor. “Oh fuck my life, tell me you're joking, dude.” I shook my head, and began to close the door, that would leave AJ and Jay alone, without a means of escape. “Have fun, you two.”