//------------------------------// // Mystery's Misery Maimed OR The End. // Story: Crossed // by OneOverTwo //------------------------------// Derpy was still hugging herself, eyes closed. “Hey Sunset,” said Derpy, who then spoke out of both of her mouths at the same time; more noticeable since she was now in the same room as herself, “can you blindfold one of my bodies?” Sunset picked up the blindfold and put it on Derpy’s human eyes. Derpy was confused as to why she chose to put them on that body, but she decided to roll with it. Derpy’s pony body still felt numb, that helped her not feel too much which confused her senses horribly. Her human body lifted her pony body up and effectively gave herself a piggyback ride. “I feel tall,” said Derpy, “I’ve got to show this to mom,” She went out into the open world towards home. Luckily she could see where she was going, she only bumped into trees twice. Sunset looked at the portal. There was something she knew she needed to do. Derpy had gotten strange stares on her way home, but she didn’t care. She even waved a hoof and a hand at people who turned their heads her way, ignoring any effects that that might cause. When she made it to her house she rang the doorbell. Her mom opened the door. “Hello?” said Derpy’s mom, “Derpy?” “Hi mom!” said Derpy, “This is kind of related to my sleeping problem.” “Really?” “Remember when I told you about my recurring dream?” said Derpy. “No, I don’t really remember that happening,” said Derpy’s mom. Derpy rubbed the backs of her heads. “I guess it was a really long time ago,” said Derpy, “Then again, maybe I told my other mom and not you.” “Other mom?” said Derpy’s mom. “The mother of this body,” said Derpy, pointing at her pony body. “I see,” said Derpy’s mom, “What is that thing anyway?” “I’m a flesh and blood creature thru and thru,” said Derpy, “Well, I guess creatures might be more accurate.” Derpy’s mom poked Derpy’s pony cheek. “Quit it~!” said Derpy, she couldn’t really feel it; but seeing it still bothered her. “You certainly feel alive,” said Derpy’s mom, “What exactly did you do to yourself?” “This is all of me, I’ve always been like this, ” said Derpy, smiling, “I’m just feeling a lot closer to myself than ever before.” “This’d make you a lot more famous than a simple weird sleeping condition,” said Derpy’s mom, who couldn’t resist petting her daughters pony body all the while. “Yeah,” said Derpy, “probably.” Sunset Shimmer entered the library. “Gyah!” said Spike in shock. “Hello, Spike,” said Sunset Shimmer. “Sunset Shimmer?” said Spike, “What are you doing here?” “I just need to write and send a letter,” said Sunset Shimmer. Sunset took a piece of blank paper from the table and a quill that was apparently for recording lab results. Then she wrote her letter. It did not take her very long. “Now how do I send a letter to Princess Celestia,” said Sunset Shimmer, pondering to herself. Spike hesitated before he decided to tell her. “I could send it to her,” said Spike. Sunset looked over to him and, after a moment, gave him a small smile. “Thanks,” said Sunset Shimmer as she handed him the letter. Spike took a look at her letter. He turned his head back up to question her about something, but she was already gone when he did. The letter wasn’t very long, barely a sentence. Dear Princess Celestia, I’m sorry. -Sunset Shimmer Derpy decided to try and go find Watermelody and Golden Hazel before heading back to the portal. She packed two plain turkey sandwiches and explored the town. “Hey Derpys,” said Watermelody. Or she would’ve if she didn’t immediately run into the two people she was about to look for. “It’s a good thing you didn’t punch her in the chest like the last person who opened the door before you could start knocking,” said Golden Hazel. “I said I was sorry, Golden Hazel, geez,” said Watermelody, “When are you going to get over it? that was, like, months ago!” “Who even knocks on a door by punching it anyway?!” said Golden Hazel. “Pfft, the kind of girl who shows doors who’s boss, that’s who,” said Watermelody. “Ugh,” said Golden Hazel. “Um, what are you two doing here?” said Derpy, “Not that I mind, I was just about to look for you.” “We came here looking for you ‘cause Sunset said you were heading here when we didn’t find you at her place,” said Watermelody. “I don’t think that was the answer she was looking for,” said Golden Hazel. “Well it’s the answer I’m giving her,” said Watermelody, who then crossed her arms and turned around.” Golden Hazel looked at the sight standing before her. Watermelody turned her head back just enough to get a good look at it too. “So, you’re really beside yourself now,” said Golden Hazel. “More like atop herself,” said Watermelody. Derpy let out a giggle. “Come on, we can talk about things on the way back to Sunset’s,” said Derpy. Sunset just sat by the portal, looking down. She sat and contemplated what had become of her. She lifted up her head when she heard the doorbell. “But I wanted to-” said Watermelody. “Not with the way you knock,” said Golden Hazel. Sunset Shimmer opened her front door. “What do you ALL want?” said Sunset Shimmer. “We were just keeping Derpy company at this point,” said Golden Hazel, “Ta-ta~!” “Goodbye Sunset,” said Watermelody, who then said something a bit strange as she left, “I need to see if the school band is still planning to march.” Sunset arched an eyebrow. “What was that about?” said Sunset Shimmer. “I don’t know, but I feel that it might explain some things,” said Derpy. Princess Twilight Sparkle was writing down notes of her findings on dimensional travel, intent on sending the other Princesses something about it. “Knock knock,” said Written Script, “We’re here to check on Derpy again.” The rest of his family was also there. “She sort of left, she was taken off with,” said Twilight Sparkle, “By her self.” “Huh?” said Amethyst Star. “Well I’m back now!” said Derpy, “Sort of.” Derpy arrived at the library as her human body, blindfold now back on the pony. “What is that?!” said Carrot Top. “It looks weird!” said Dinky, “I like it!” Dinky went up to Derpy, walked in circles around her to get a good look from all angles, and generally gawked at her appearance. “You’re tall!” said Dinky. “Yes, but I’m not really all that much bigger than I am as a pegasus,” said Derpy. Dinky gasped. “You’re Derpy!” said Dinky. “Indeed I am, little Dinky,” said Derpy. “Why do you look like that, Derpy?” said Carrot Top. “I showed my human friends what I look like as a pony, so I thought it wouldn’t be fair if I didn’t show my pony friends what I look like as a human,” said Derpy, “This is just what humans look like.” “Can I touch it?” said Amethyst Star. “I think calling her it might be a little rude,” said Written Script, mumbling. “Sure you can,” said Derpy, “High five!” Derpy raised her hand in the air and waited. Amethyst Star and the rest of her family just stared at her in confusion. “Oh right, you wouldn’t know what that is,” said Derpy, lowering her hand. Amethyst Star was still waiting in front of her. Derpy decided to go with a handshake instead. “Your claws are so soft,” said Amethyst Star. “They’re not claws, they’re hands,” said Derpy. “Why?” said Amethyst Star. “Because they’re so soft,” said Derpy. “Can I ride you?” said Dinky. “Dinky!” said Carrot Top. “Sorry!” said Dinky, “May I ride you?” Carrot Top was about to say something, but she was preemptively interrupted by Derpy. “Sure, Dinky, why not?” said Derpy. Derpy picked up Dinky and gave her a piggyback ride. Dinky held Derpy’s head firmly while she walked around the room, both giggling all the while. Derpy eventually finished playing with her little pony pal and traveled back thru the portal. Off to the side she saw Sunset apparently moping and sulking, but she had something she wanted to do. Derpy took the turkey sandwiches she had packed and ate them both, one for each mouth. While it wasn’t really the best thing for her herbivorous stomach, she really really wanted to know something. Derpy wanted to know what it was like to dream. “Man the torpedoes,” said Watermelody, biggest captain in the royal navy. “You wouldn’t,” said Carrot Top with Golden Hazel’s voice. “Trust me, she would,” said Amethyst Star. They were all in a huge boat. The boat looked like a row boat except giant. “No one argues with a giant,” said Watermelody, biggest captain in the royal navy. She then fell over. Sunset Shimmer was on the back of her neck dressed like a pirate, not a captain though still obviously a pirate, she was wearing a pony version of Atom on her back. Except what was on her back was obviously an off-white backpack, but for some reason Derpy still perceived it as a pony Atom. “I don’t waste my time arguing,” said Sunset Shimmer, but with Twilight’s voice coming out of her as well as her own. “The sewing contest is almost over!” said a voice Derpy didn’t recognize. “Oh no!” said Derpy, “I’ve only got eight seconds left, but I’m still boiling the first batch of pancakes!” “Don’t worry!” said Pinkie Pie Fluttershy, “With this watch you can stop time!” Derpy activated the watches function. “Cool, how do I make it start again?” Pinkie Pie Fluttershy couldn’t answer because time was stopped. “No~!” said Golden Hazel as she realized what she had done. “I told you that you would mess this up,” said Derpy, seemingly to no one because she was alone in a room writing letters. Dear Rainbow Dash, U your friend, Derpy Derpy wiped her brow. “Fyew,” said Derpy writing letters is tiring, I should get some rest.” Everything started exploding, but Derpy still calmly went to bed. Derpy woke up. “I am never doing that again,” said Derpy, still using both mouths to speak, “Sunset! I need another turkey sandwich!” It was a brand new day in Ponyville. Derpy went to work, thankful that Twilight had dispelled the numbing spell since she didn’t need it any more. Derpy’s human body was fast asleep, the previous awake/asleep dichotomy of her two bodies restored. Derpy felt great, she was truly sure of herself and her surroundings. “Good morning Ponyville Post!” said Derpy, “and I just can’t wait to say good morning to Canterlot High ‘tonight’.” Everything was just really real, you know?