//------------------------------// // Chapter One // Story: The Warrior // by Dubious //------------------------------// Deep within the frozen pits of Tartarus sat a lone figure. Propped against this lone figure was a simple katana in a black and gold sheath, nothing too glamorous. But should one have it within their power, they would be able to detect vast amounts of power emanating from this simple object. However, applying the same methods of perception to its owner would yield a dormant mind lording over incomprehensible amounts of sealed power, the merest trickle ever breaking away from the colossal mass of writhing power. Surrounding this figure was a vast and intricate rune array, the sole purpose of which was to keep the being in its centres mind dormant, least they awake and seek vengeance. Bordering this array were the various denizens of the frozen hell hole the figure was in. They were all looking on in fear and apprehension of the figure, awed by the sheer magnitude of its power. Though their distance was more in part due to the array knocking out anyone that should enter it than any respect, they all wanted the sword the figure possessed. A loud cracking sound echoed throughout the cavern as another prisoner was attempting to escape, and failing miserably. But their failed attempt at escape did yield one positive result, a large chunk of ice fell from the ceiling and shattered, breaking the array and removing its hold on its captive. Cried of abject horror resounded from the opportunists as they fled, knowing the being would immediately seek to try and escape, most assuredly succeeding. As the being began to stir, the sounds of further fighting echoed around the area, causing them momentary confusion. Opening their eyes, a pair of jet black eyes, each adorned with a single sickly yellow iris. Looking around, a sickening series of cracks emanated from their neck, eliciting a sigh of relief. Grabbing the sword in one hand the figure rocked forwards into a crouching position before standing up to a crescendo of cracking and popping bones. Stretching with hearty enthusiasm the figure then proceeded to dust itself off, scattering particles of snow and ice to the floor. The moment the figure took a step forward their leg was immediately tangled up in ankle length black hair. Smacking into the floor with a grumble, the figure untangled its legs and set about straightening its hair. After several minutes of hard labour and increasingly profound expletives, the figure had its hair straightened enough to allow for a casual walk. As it proceeded to do as such, the sounds of fighting faded, the prisoner having either successfully escaped or been subdued, either way, the figure was going to leave and there was nothing anyone could do about it. As the being neared the walls of the pit, they merely sighed before crouching and jumping, easily clearing the entire height of the cliff. Landing on the top of the cliff they spotted a pair of towering gates in the distance. Judging them to be the exit, the being set off at a relatively casual, for them, pace. Rocketing past startled guards and prisoners alike, the being merely disregarded them and continued at their blistering speed of several hundred metres per second. After a solid ten minutes running, the being finally came to the doors. Standing in front of said doors were none other than Tirek. Staring at the centaur with an impassive gaze, she witnessed him push a series of random rocks, which caused the massive gates to open just enough for him to squeeze through. Deciding that exiting through the already open gates would be easier and more stealthy than destroying them completely, the being darted through them after Tirek, who had noticed their presence and turned to face them. However the moment he laid eyes on the figure he let out strangled scream of terror before finally speaking. "H-hello there, Audrey, you wouldn't happen to NOT want to kill me, would you?" "No." Audrey said. Breathing a sigh of relief Tirek suddenly found himself hurled back into Tartarus. "I'm still a dick by the way!" Audrey called out as the doors slammed shut. Turning away from the doors, she noted she was in a cavern with no entrances other than the massive gates behind her. Shrugging, she proceeded to rapidly punch a wall. After a few short minutes, she had punched a fairly long tunnel in the wall of the cavern. Several more minutes later she had punched a hole clean through to the outside. Looking about she saw she was on a snowy mountain peak with a massive staircase descending to a desert valley below. Groaning at the prospect of climbing down all those stairs, she instead jumped onto a slope and slid down. Upon reaching the bottom of the mountain, she began running towards a town she had stopped in the distance. Some many minutes later in a random desert Continuing on her way, Audrey caught sight of a town in the distance. Deciding that decelerating from Mach speeds near civilization wouldn't be a wise first re-impression, she slowed to a more sedate pace. As she neared the town, she spied a rather large apple orchid. Noting that the town must rely on apples as a primary trade good, she slowed even further to a walking pace as she neared the outskirts of the town. As she entered the town, the various pony denizens froze upon seeing her. Raising a quizzical eyebrow at their actions, she raised her arm and waved, the motion apparently having changed into a statement of ill intent during however long her incarceration was. Sighing at the idiotic nature of the ponies, she slid the sheath of her sword through the various cloth loops on the back of her pants, but much more closely resembled a mass of ragged black fabric. Both her hands free, she proceeded towards what she guessed was a bar, judging by the scent of ethanol emanating from it. As she neared the bar, she caught sight of ponies fearfully peeking out at her from behind curtains and overturned carts. Sighing again, she entered the bar, where a herd of ponies was hiding behind a barricade of upturned tables. Manoeuvring the tables with ease, she sat down at a stool in front of the bar and tapped the service bell. This series of actions caused a murmur of confusion to spread among the ponies as a griffon totting a handlebar moustache approached her. "how may I help you... Sir?" The griffon said after a few seconds of looking over Audrey, who to her credit merely face planted on the counter in front of her. "I'm a girl." Audrey moaned from her position on the bar top. "Oh... How may I serve you ma'am?" The griffon asked again. "I'd like a shot of whiskey." "Of course, that'll be three bits." "Do you accept dragon scales?" Audrey asked sheepishly. "Why do you even HAVE dragon scales." The bartender asked as he passed Audrey a shot glass full of whiskey. "Because I killed a dragon once?" She offered, much to the apparent disgust of the ponies present if some of them vomiting was any indication. The griffon however merely whistled. "Dayum, even killing a baby dragon is a challenge for most ponies. How'd you pull it off?" "I punched it." Audrey replied, downing her shot and placing a scale the size of her palm on the car top. "... To get a scale that big, you'd have to have slain a dragon at least five hundred years old." The bartender said in awe. "I actually only gathered the thirty odd scales that flew off when I punched it. It probably survived. Probably." "You say that like punching a dragon so hard its scales fall off is an EASY thing to do." "I'unno, I was drunk at the time, don't remember the events well." "I'm beginning to feel you're piggy backing off of a group of adventurers deeds and trying to get free alcohol from it. By the way, you now also have a pre-paid tab of five thousand bits due to the worth of that scale you gave me." "Neat. I might just get drunk and rent a room." "Very well, and what will be your choice of intoxicating substances?" "I think I'll start of with a keg of beer, followed up by a..." Audrey began before freezing and falling forwards unconscious. "Did... Did she just pass out drunk after only a single shot of whiskey?" One of the ponies in the background asked, peaking from behind an overturned table. "I believe she just did. How could someone have such a low tolerance to alcohol and yet look like flipping a house is a casual act." The bartender said with a sigh, motioning for two stallions to take Audrey to a room upstairs to sleep it off. One drunken slumber later Audrey blearily opened her eyes to take in the early morning sun streaming in through the curtainless windows directly across from her. With a groan she sat up and rubbed her eyes. Looking around she saw two ponies sitting at a table playing cards. She then threw the covers off herself and stood up from the bed, earning her a look from the two ponies. Paying them no mind, she turned towards the door, where a full length mirror was hanging. Said mirror was reflecting an image of her completely naked. Slowly turning towards the ponies she said one simple thing. "The fuck are my clothes?" "We took 'em to be fixed up at the local tailors, should't be more'n a couplea hours 'til they're mixed." One of them replied, scratching his scraggly beard. "You ponies are all the same, helping people when they don't ask for it." "Why'n ya callin' us ponies? Can't ya see we're Equines?" The other asked, this dark brown skin somehow glistening despite a lack of sweat. "It's an insult you idiots. I made it up when I first got here." Audrey face palmed. "Why'd ya'll design an insult for yer own species? Seems kinda dumb ta me." "Not a pony, I'm a human. Deal with it." "Don't be ridiculous, yer jus' a regular earth equine like us." The first one said. "Bitch, I eat people." "A'course ya do, yer prolly one'a them streetwalkers from Manehatten." The second replied. "You have five seconds to leave before I redecorate with your internal organs." Audrey growled, which kicked the two stallions into gear as they scrambled out of the room. With a sigh Audrey sat down on the bed. "Great, now I have to reintroduce an insult to an entire species. Hopefully hatespeech weekly still exists. Man were those some racist fuckers." Stretching out, she then relaxed on the bed, thinking on how to get her clothes back. After several minutes pondering she had a brilliant idea. "I know! I'll just walk there... Completely naked... In a town that appears to only consist of men... Okay that seems stupid now." Realising the severity of her situation, she sighed once more before closing her eyes. Focusing, she managed to activate her sixth sense and began probing the entire town with it. Slowly building a mental map of the town, she completely missed the rooms door opening and a figure entering. She did notice when said figure threw a pile of clothes on her. Snapping her eyes open in fright, she turned to look at her aggressor, a moderately tall, well built tanned and, admittedly, all-round hot dude. Looking at her chest she noticed what looked like a pair of briefs, some jeans, a plaid shirt, a leather belt with a steel buckle and a pair of cowboy boots. "The fuck are these for?" "Well, me 'n the bartender worked out a deal, you'll work in the apple orchid for your duration in town, and he'll let you stay here." "I was actually only passing through, don't exactly intend to stay." "Well now, that don't sound right. People usually come 'ere for the work opportunities, only mah cousins ever stop by on visits, an' even then they stay fer a few weeks." "I'm... Touring the country?" Audrey unconvincingly lied. "Sure ya are, now get dressed an' I'll met you downstairs." The man said before exiting the room. With a groan Audrey flopped back onto the bed. "Fuuuuucking ponies." She breathed. Standing up again she rapidly dressed and approached the window. Looking for any latches on it, she looked up at a sudden tapping, spying a pegasus standing on the awning outside and shaking his head. With a smirk, Audrey went back to looking for latches, which she inevitably found. Flicking them up she opened the window fully. The pegasus merely gave her a sour look. "Yer not thinkin' of jumping out tha window, are ya?" He asked. "I was thinking about it. Now I'm doing it." Audrey replied, hoping out the window and onto the awning. "Now why'd ya go do that? From what Braeburn told me you ain't a pegasus." "Simple, I don't want to be a farmer, my skillset lies more in the ultimate warrior area." "Ha, no offense, but I doubt they'd let someone as scrawny as you in the guard." "Very well, then I shall display my strength. Plus, who said anything about joining the guard?" Audrey replied with a knowing smirk. "Fine, beat me in a race to the orchid and I'll say yer worthy, but AFTER we go and get Braeburn." "Fine, but then I'll show you true speed." "Ain't no earth equine ever beaten a pegasus." "Then let us go down." Audrey replied, stepping off of the awning and falling to the ground below, much to the pegasus' shock. "Whoa!" He exclaimed as Audrey walked off the awning. Swooping after her he tried to grab her before she hit the ground, only to miss. Arresting his own descent he watched as Audrey impacted the ground and was none the worse off for it. "Him, you must be one'a them endurance trainers." He remarked. "Sure, whatever helps you sleep at night." With their little exchange out of the way, they turned around just as Braeburn exited the bar with a scowl on his face. "Did ya really try'n pull a runner?" He deadpanned. "Yes, tried being the operative word." "That was a three story drop, no way anyone less than a trained guard could take an impact like that, yer just lucky Spring Turner here was handy." "Actually, Ah couldn't catch her in time." "... Oh... Well then, you'll be plenty useful at the orchid." "You got a train station here?" Audrey suddenly asked. "Yes, but the next train ain't scheduled to arrive until tomorrow." "Fuuuuck." Audrey moaned. "Then I guess I'll help at your orchid for today, coz tomorrow I'm going somewhere not here." "How could someone with your attitude ever get into the guard academy?" Braeburn muttered. "Self caught. Now, lets head off to this blasted orchid of yours so I can get this day over with sooner." "Alright." Braeburn answered, before a clanging bell became audible. "Oh horseapples, another buffalo attack. Spring, get everyone inside, Audrey you come with me, we need to protect the orchid." "Like hell I'm missing out on a fight, you go ahead, I'll take care of these buffalo." "They'll gore you alive." "Like they have the strength." Audrey replied, drawing her sword out from thin air. "Okay, I'm gonna leave you here, ain't no time to be arguing. Don't blame me if you get injured." Braeburn said before quickly running towards the orchid. "Like a bunch nine foot tall muscular men covered in shaggy brown hair and sporting horns could ever harm me... Wait a minute." Audrey said as the sight before her finally clicked. "The fuck are those things?" She asked as she sheathed her sword and scratched her head. As the leader of the charge approached her, he lowered his head and began to run even faster. As he got within arms reach Audrey idly grabbed one of his horns and then pivoted on her feet before throwing him at the rest of the herd, knocking most of them over. As the remainder of the herd reached her, she pivot kicked the front most into a building, following it up by punching the second in the chest hard enough to send him airborne and finishing up by head butting the third one. Still scratching her head, Audrey walked over to a post and leaned against it. After several minutes pondering she finally got it. "Oh, THOSE were the buffalo. Makes so much sense. Though they're ugly as fuck. Still, not too big. Now to fight them... Aw, I missed out on all the fun." She harrumphed, completely missing the shocked townspeople staring the unconscious mass of buffalo inhabiting the town centre. Slumping away from the curbstomp that she just perpetrated, Audrey decided to track down the tailor and retrieve her clothes. After stalking about down for a while, she managed to locate the tailor. Opening the door, she saw the place was deserted. She then grinned manically as she saw her clothed hanging on some coat racks completely untouched. Grabbing her clothes, she turned around to gap it until the sound of someone clearing their throat met her ears. "Excuse me sir, but do those clothes belong to you?" The voice asked. "I'm a girl, jackass!" Audrey yelled at the voices owner, a particularly well endowed woman with purple hair and a green horn sitting out of her head. "Such language! You clearly were never taught any manners." The woman snootily replied. "Fuck you, fuck this town, and fuck you again. I'm leaving with my clothes. Try to stop me and I will kick you into lunar orbit." Audrey hissed at the store owner before leaving the store. As she exited, she saw a crowd of ponies gathered before her. "What?" She asked. "Thank you for stopping the buffalo." A little boy wearing a ragged Stetson said. "Okay then. Well I'm going to get dressed and then leave this town because two people have mistaken my gender." Audrey responded, pushing through the crowd. Once she was a decent distance away, she looked for an alleyway to duck into to get changed in, instead only spotting Braeburn. Skidding to a halt before her, Braeburn spoke up. "Thank ya fer stoppin' them buffalo, you're clearly a trainee guard." "Nope, I could easily take the entirety of the army by myself." "That kinda boasting is unappreciated." "Whatever, now if you don't mind I was going to get dressed in my own clothes and follow the train tracks out of town." "If ya wait until tomorrow then you can catch the train to Ponyville." "I was thinking of running, would certainly be faster than train." "The Friendship express can travel at over one hundred miles per hour." Braeburn said. "I can move faster." "Most pegasi can't move that fast. What makes ya think you can?" "I don't care what you think is possible or not, I know my limits, you do not. Now if you don't mind I'd like to get changed." "At least do it in your room?" "Fine." Audrey said before grabbing Braeburns arm and flashing in front of the bar, much to Braeburns shock. "I'm going upstairs to get changed, and when I get back I'm leaving." At Braeburns nod, she entered the building. Thinking fast Braeburn entered the building and walked up to the bartender. "Give me a pint glass full of your clearest vodka and put three ice cubes in it." He ordered. Raising an eyebrow the griffon poured him his drink. "Any particular reason for such a strange order?" He asked as he handed Braeburn the drink. "No reason." Braeburn replied, looking towards the stairs, just in time to see Audrey descend them in her own clothes. Grabbing the drink, he approached her with a friendly smile. "Here, at least have a drink of water before you leave." He offered, motioning towards the drink. "Fine." Audrey replied, grabbing the pint glass and swallowed its contents in a matter of seconds, ice cubes included. She stood on spot for a few seconds before speaking again. "That was a pint of vodka, wan't it?" She asked. "Yes it was." Braeburn replied with a smirk. "Screw my sudden inability to handle alcohol!" Audrey cursed before falling onto a table and tipping it over. "I'd never have expected you to do something like this, Braeburn." The bartender called. "Shut up and help me get her upstairs. I can't just let her throw her life away, the nearest town is over two hundred miles away, she'd never have made it." Braeburn replied, dragging Audrey towards the stairs. "Gallantly through underhanded methods. That's a new one." The barkeeper said with a smile as he grabbed Audrey's legs and helped to haul her upstairs.