//------------------------------//
// Just Tea 
// Story: The One Where They All Turn Thirty 
// by Spike120812 
//------------------------------//


Just Tea


Purple and pink.

Purple and pink everywhere.

Ribbons, balloons, loose streamers, even intricately painted carriages displayed the two colors, all to celebrate a beloved princess. Canterlot buzzed with unreal energy. At the center of all the buzz stood the castle. Outside the golden gates, ponies close to the princess and her friends began to flood into the castle grounds, ready to surprise and celebrate their sovereign and friend’s birthday.

Inside the gates, and inside the castle, another story was taking place. Murderous stress and strain replaced the buzz and overjoyous excitement felt outside in the busybody ponies that scurried around rooms as they prepared the castle. Servants cleaned, cooks pulled carts of various foods to the party hall, and the decorators strung up various decor on the walls and ceilings from streamers to crystal chandeliers. At the center of the grand party hall, stood the one dragon organizing the chaos that ran through the castle. 

With a scroll in one claw, and a quill in the other, Spike observed all that went on in the party, marking all that got done while keeping a mental check on what still needed work.

“Okay,” he mused aloud, “Cadance is out with Twi, Shining should be getting here with mom and dad soon, castle’s clean, the last sculpture should be on it’s way, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy are watching Heartfelt and Sky Dive, and Pinkie’s—”

*BOOM! 

“Whooooooo Hooooooo!”

“... finishing up decorations,” Spike breathed with a claw clutching at his chest.

Pinkie hopped around the party hall with her prized invention in her hooves, her party canon. The pale-blue canon launched party decor of all sorts, fully decorating the windows, tables, and columns in the hall with a loud and festive colors. “How’s it look, Spike?” 

“Little more on the columns, Pink,” Spike answered before turning back to his list. After checking off a few more things, Spike heard another blast of Pinkie’s canon. He spun around to see Pinkie thirty feet in the air, hanging onto a column with her hind legs. 

The party canon stood at its “launch site”, smoking from the launch. Spike also saw another canon in Pinkie’s hooves, and that only worried him even more as he thought of all the possible outcomes that came with mixing Pinkie and anything that blasts. 

Pinkie dug into the barrel of her canon and pulled out some thick string. A few knots and wraps around the column she hung from later, she tucked her canon in her forelimbs with the barrel aimed behind her. 

Spike panicked and broke for the column after realizing the idea that brewed in Pinkie’s mind. “Pinkie! Don’t!”

*BOOM! 

Spike watched his friend soar through the air like Rainbow Dash, but replacing the multi-colored trail, the two lines of string followed the pink mare that held her canon as she flew across the hall. 

In a blur of pink, Pinkie rounded the column several times on the other side of the hall like a speeding carousel. When her orbit ended, she clung to the tall structure with her back legs as held the canon in her front legs. The strings that followed her were knotted off and followed by a loud flopping sound that echoed through the hall. “How’s it look now, Spike?”

Tied to the two columns, a large purple banner unraveled to reveal, in brighter purple and pink letters, “Happy Birthday, Twilight!” 

“Looks great, Pinkie.”

“Thanks, Spike. Now catch me.”

Before getting a chance to ask, Spike went on instinct as Pinkie unwrapped her legs that held her to the column and plummeted down to be caught in Spike’s arms. No surprise or panic showed on Spike’s features. Pinkie had done something similar way too many times to count. 

“1.46 seconds,” Pinkie announced, somehow managing to keep accurate time. “Sorry, Spike. Rainbow Dash still has .02 seconds on you.”

Spike grumbled under his breath. “Dammit. Thought I finally beat her.” He set Pinkie down on the floor with her party canon still in her hooves.

“Gotta be quicker, Spikey,” Pinkie practically sung as she pushed the canon aside. “So, are we done here?”

With his scroll and quill back in his claws, Spike scanned the party hall with a critical eye, finding everything absolutely perfect. Save for the food Applejack and some of the other cooks were still rolling into the hall, everything was set and ready for Twilight’s big surprise. “Twilight’s gonna love it.” 

“How did you get her out of the castle anyway?” Pinkie asked.

“Me and Rarity took her out for breakfast before passing her along to Shining Armor. Right now, my mom and dad’s turn with Twilight should be just about done, and Cadance should have her until we’re ready.”

“Ahhh, a little family field day, huh?” 

“Uh-Huh. I told Cadance to tell Twilight to go back to the castle and meet Celestia and Luna after their little outing.”

“And then we’ll pop up and give her the best surprise party EVER!!!” Pinkie finished off, confetti somehow popping from behind her in a way Spike had long since given up on trying to figure out. “AHH! I can’t wait! You really think she’ll love it.”

“If she calmed down from earlier, yeah.”

Pinkie cocked her head as an eyebrow rose. “Why does she need to calm down?” 

Spike sighed loudly as he pinched the bridge of his snout. “I don’t know, Pink. She freaks out over a lot of things.”

“You think its because she doesn’t know what we’re doing over here,” Pinkie suggested, gesturing around the party hall.

It made sense. If Twilight didn’t know what was going on, or was kept out of the loop for so long, it wasn’t long till her habit of creating the worst case scenario kicked in, and Spike knew this all too painfully well. “Could be. I hope not. I mean, she may be a basket case, but she’s not that big of a basket case.” 


***


Twilight was that big of a basket case, and she was proving that outside a local cafe as she tried her best with the breathing techniques the pony next to her had taught her years ago. 

Cadance was trying her best to ease Twilight’s nerves that seemed to come out of nowhere, but her efforts showed very little progress. “Twilight, you need to calm down, you’ll blow your disguise!” 

Twilight looked down at her shuffling hooves. They weren’t the lavender hue everypony knew her to have. Instead, a dark blue covered her hooves and body while her mane took on dark purple and green colors in a manestyle reminiscent to that of Applejack’s. Upon a closer look, she noticed the dark blue at the bottom of her hooves started to revert back to their natural lavender, and the wings hidden underneath a knitted white sweater twitched sporadically, threatening to break through the material. 

Twilight tried again. Bringing a forelimb to her chest, she took in another breath and exhaled as she extended her forelimb out. Her breaths came out fast and rapid at first until easing into a calm and collected rhythm. 

Cadance came closer to Twilight with a little caution, like anything she said could set the disguised mare off again. “Better?” 

One final shaky breath later, she was. “Yeah, thanks, Cadance.”

Cadance came to Canterlot that day hoping to spend a fun-filled afternoon with her sister-in-law and fellow princess. She even took up a disguise herself to avoid the commotion she and Twilight would probably cause if they walked on the streets of Canterlot. Replacing the tender pink color on Cadance’s coat was a bright yellow hue. Her tri-colored mane now bore light-orange flare, and was styled straight down while a simple red sweater concealed her wings. All that work and high hopes, all for just trying to keep a naturally panicky mare from blowing her top off. It was no wonder Shining Armor seemed a little too eager to hoof her off when Cadance’s turn came around.

“Twilight, seriously, what’s wrong with you? You’re more wound up than I’ve ever seen you, and that’s saying something.”

Twilight gave a defeated sigh and hung her head, trying her best to avoid Cadance’s concerned eyes. 

“Twilight, calm down. Relax. It’s your birthday.”

“It’s because it’s my birthday that I’m like this!” Twilight all but hollered, startling the Princess of Love with her near volcanic outburst.

“Why is that a bad thing? Because if it’s about turning thirty, let me just tell you right now, it’s not that—”

“No, it’s not like that. Me and the others already had that chat with Rarity. It’s about, well…” Twilight looked around the area as if the ponies in the street were listening in. Feeling it was safe, Twilight drew closer to Cadance, and with a little embarrassment in her voice, continued on. “... remember a few weeks ago when Flash took me on that date to the Crystal Empire?”

How could she forget? Cadance’s eyes shimmered upon remembering when Flash contacted her ahead of time to let her know of the date he wanted to have with Twilight in the empire and all the romance details he hopped she could help him with. Cadance of course helped out to the best of her very capable abilities in the field of love. “Yeah, I remember. You guys went to dinner, he took you to a carnival, and then he took you to the grand library. You guys looked so happy until—” The rest of that night sunk straight in, turning Cadance’s reminiscent smile awkward as she tried to dart her eyes anywhere else. 

Flash was ready to try again that night, hoping that the sixth time, on his part at least, would be the charm, but before he even had the chance to pull out that little black box, fate decided to be an unrelenting mistress. This time, it was in the form of chipping crystal, followed by the entire collapse of the History wing of the grand library, burying Twilight and Flash underneath a mountain of books and broken crystal.

Cadance tried to find a way of saying it wasn’t that bad, but she wasn’t delusional. “You’re still upset about that?” 

“No. Well, kinda, but that’s not what I’m worried about.” 

“Then what are you worried about?” 

“He’s going to try again today. I just know it, and something will go wrong. Again!” 

“I will admit, your track record isn’t the best. It’s like the universe or something else doesn’t want you two together, but that doesn’t mean that today can’t be different. Wait, what makes you so sure he’ll try again today?” 

“Because it’s what he does,” she said, flinging one of her forelimbs in the air. “That night at the empire, you know why he chose that specific day?”

Cadance shook her head as she awaited an answer. 

“Because that was our anniversary. And the time when that anvil and piano fell on us? My birthday last year. That time at the lake when we got turned over? Hearts and Hooves Day! And that other time when I swallowed the ring before he even asked? Hearths Warming! Every single time he’s tried, it was always on some special day. Well what better day to try again than his marefriend’s birthday?!?” 

Twilight didn’t notice the tips of her hooves had started to revert back to their natural lavender. 

Cadance meanwhile was still trying to find a way to answer without triggering another possible outburst from her sister-in-law. “So he might try again. That doesn’t mean it’ll turn out like every other time,” she suggested, albeit, with struggle believing those words of hers. 

“You don’t know that. What if he tries and something horrible happens.” She drew in a quick breath as possibilities rolled into her head. “What if he tries and something falls on us again? Or he puts on something really romantic and I ruin it?” 

The lavender that started forming on her hooves traveled upwards, stealing Cadance’s attention and setting her on high alert. “Twilight,” she said in a hushed tone, trying to grab her attention. 

“I’m gonna ruin something. Or something totally random will ruin it!” All over her body, Twilight’s lavender began to take over, washing the blue out like an easy stain. Her mane and tail began to revert to their normal colors as well as the wings underneath her sweater began to twitch. 

“Twilight,” Cadance addressed again, getting no response from the now panicky mare. 

“Or what if he takes me out again, and I swallow the ring because I didn’t look in my drink? I don’t want the ring to come out of me again!” Her wings began to twitch more violently underneath the sweater as more and more lavender covered blue.

“Twilight.”

“Or what if something goes wrong and Flash says he’s finally had it and doesn’t want to ever see me again?!? I’ll lose the only stallion I’ve ever loved and never be able to get over him!”

“Twilight.”

“I’ll always be thinking about losing him, then I won’t be able to focus on being a princess! I’ll become a shut in again, lose my friends and subjects, and I’ll be the biggest disgrace in Equestrian history! And then I’ll—” 

“Twilight!” 

What sounded like a rip in space and time itself, Twilight looked behind her to see that her sweater had two gaping holes at both sides. Her frantically flapping wings had penetrated their compressor and moved along with Twilight’s frantic thoughts. She noticed that her mane and tail were back to their original colors. She blew her cover. The last thing she saw was Cadance slamming a hoof to her forehead before noticing the numerous sets of eyes that were suddenly on her. 

“It’s Princess Twilight!” one pony shouted out. The last thing Twilight saw was a swarm of her subjects starting to crowd around, wishing her happy birthday before a spark and pop of light blue magic encircled her and Cadance. A flash of light later, they were gone. 


***


Most stray alleycats in any city expect ponies to trot by. They even saw the occasional horse shoe or boot flung their way to get them to stop their late night purring. Heck, they even came to expect the few mice unsuspecting enough to travel down the predator-filled stretch. The last thing any of them expected was the loud pop of magic and the blinding white light that followed. It was no surprise that every one of those stray cats were sent in a state of panic, screeching loudly and scrambling around to the nearest path of escape. 

From the pop of magic and blinding light, Cadance, still in her disguise, and Twilight emerged. The younger alicorn looked around to get  grip on her location. Once she settled down, she turned back to Cadance, making a nervous smile upon meeting her eyes.

Cadance just gave her sister-in-law a blank stare. 

“I know, I blew it!” Twilight exclaimed, throwing her forelimbs in the air.

Before another freakout could break out, Cadance placed a hoof gingerly on Twilight’s shoulder and looked at her with concerned eyes. “Twilight,” she said calmly, “I just need you to calm down.” She took a breath. “In.” Then she exhaled. “And out.” Another breath in. “In.” Another breath out. “And out.”

Once she cleared her mind, Twilight followed Cadance’s lead. The technique was old, but it usually did the trick… usually. For a few moments, Twilight kept a slow and steady pace with her breaths, drawing in and breathing out like she was meditating. Everything was calm and collected for those few precious moments. Then came the more hurried breaths. 

Swallowing the ring, pianos falling on her head, alligators in the lake, another shelf collapse, giving Flash food poisoning, these and other memories of failed attempts on both their parts resurfaced in Twilight’s mind, and it did little to aid what should have been a calming effort. More rampant thoughts, each worse than the last, rushed through her mind until she found herself hyperventilating.  

“WRONG! WRONG! WRONG! SOMETHING’S GONNA GO WRONG!” Her inner voice was not helping as Twilight continued to breath at an alarming rate. It wasn’t until Cadance put a hoof on her side that Twilight began to calm down… some what. 

It took a while, but Twilight returned to a normal breathing rate as Cadance stood right beside her. 

“Okay,” Cadance said, “obviously we need to try something else to get you to calm down.” 

“What did you have in mind?”

A smile creeped onto Cadance’s face. “I’ve got an idea, but first, put on your disguise.”

Twilight looked around her side to see the large holes in her sweater and the purple fur and feathers underneath. “Right,” she sighed. She focused on her magic, and in a split second, blue covered purple once again as the sweater mended itself. “So where are we going?"

Cadance turned on her hooves and started out of the alley. “Just a little place I know.” 


***


With a quill and list in his claws, Spike paced the party hall with a critical eye as he marked off various tasks on the list. “Food’s out, hall’s decorated, guests should be coming soon, Twilight’s with Cadance, let’s see, let’s see, let’s see.” He was grateful nopony else was around to see him talking to himself. Everything seemed ready. All that was missing were the guests. With one more quick scan of the hall, Spike made his way for the door and out to another hallway. After a few twists and turns, he was at the entrance of the castle where three familiar ponies caught his eye. Shining Armor, Night Light, and Twilight Velvet were standing by a staircase. When they noticed the dragon, their grins grew wider.  

“Spike!” Twilight Velvet was the first to charge for the dragon and wrap her forelimbs around him. 

“Hey, Mom,” Spike greeted with a hug of his own. “Glad you and dad could make it.”

“Like we’d miss our daughter turning thirty,” Night Light said, trotting up with Shining to the two. “Plus it gives us more of an excuse to see all of you.” 

“Speaking of which, where’s Heartfelt and Sky Dive? I haven’t seen my little grandbabies since your wedding.” Velvet’s eyes traveled with an eerie slowness to Shining. “Why is that, Shining?” 

Shining’s ears flicked down as he struggled to find a valid answer. Lucky for him, Spike came to his rescue. “Rarity’s watching over them in our room. Wanna go surprise them?”

“Do you really need to ask me?” Unraveling her limbs, Velvet wasted no time in starting up the staircase with Night Light following closely behind. 

Spike was about to head up until Shining tapped him on the back. “Spike, Flash and some of the other guys were outside trying to get this really big package inside. Think you can go help them out?”

In his head, Spike ran over everything the party had called for and what was already done. Nothing called for a package. “Yeah, sure.” 

Once he stepped outside, Spike was greeted with the sight of an enormous brown box far too big to be a possible gift. Big Mac, Soarin, Caramel, and Flash Sentry were on each side of the box struggling to move the package up the steps. Their forelimbs were wobbling as they grunted in exertion. 

“Flash,” Caramel called from his station in the back, “your whole ‘Lift and Slide’ plan isn’t really working you know!” 

“I think I can see that,” Flash said through a few grunts as his front legs started shaking from the weight of the box. “Okay, down! Down! Down!” The lofty box came down hard on the stairs, teetering on the incline of the steps and leaving Caramel struggling to keep it from sliding down. 

“What the hay is this?” 

The group of stallions all turned their sights on Spike as he came up towards the box. 

“No idea, Spike,” Flash said as the others waved to the dragon. “Me and Soarin’ were helping out inside when Mac and Caramel got here and told us this thing showed up at the front of the castle.” His hoof was pointed at the teetering box, completely unaware of Caramel still holding up the package from slipping down the steps until he started yelling out in a strained voice. 

“Guys! Little help here!” One of the poor tan stallion’s legs finally gave in and slipped down a step, throwing off Caramel’s balance completely as he braced himself for what would probably be a painful fall followed by getting squished like a pancake. Before any of this could happen, three more sets of hooves and a new set of claws quickly grasped the box. With the added dragon strength, there was hardly any trouble keeping it steady. Actually, with the added dragon strength, there was no problem lifting the thing at all. 

“You okay there, Caramel?” Spike asked once the stallion gained his wits back. 

“Yeah,” he said before grasping his side of the box once again. The quintet easily lugged the mystery package. It landed hard on the ground once the group was inside. All eyes focused on it, questioning what in Equestria could be in there. 

Spike eyed the large box and gave it a few taps, getting a somewhat hollow sound out of it. “Did any of you guys order a late gift for Twilight or something?” Their shaking heads told him no, only adding to Spike’s curiosity. He tapped it again, this time getting something more than just a little echo out of it. From the top of the box, something thick, white and twisted together dropped down from the top. It almost looked like a wick. Spike lifted a claw to the mysterious wick, but out of nowhere, it lit up, sending out tiny sparks of all kinds of crazy colors.

Panic set on everyones faces’ as they watched the spark travel up the coiled mass rather quickly. 

“Hit the deck!” 

No one knew who said it, but before they knew it, Spike’s leathery wings were shielding the group of ponies as they braced for impact. A few agonizing seconds later, the crackling of the spark stopped. It stayed silent save for some shaky breathing and at least one set of shaking legs. Nothing was happening. Spike’s wings retracted a little as he turned to face the mystery box, regretting it as soon as he did. His eyes widened to sizes thought to be anatomically impossible when he saw that the previously rectangular box was now bloated up like a balloon, like it was one more pump of air from—

*KABOOM!

—exploding. 

Everyones’ eyes blinked open when they realized they weren’t dead and found themselves covered in… frosting? Even though there were questions on that, it was nothing compared to the questions they had about what was sitting in front of them. Just a few feet across from the group, a cake of seemingly never ending layers sprouted out of nowhere, and at the top layer, a small rumbling could be heard. 

The answer to all their question came in the form of a beaming draconequus popping out of the cake in a display of confetti and poppers… wearing a curly blonde wig and a white sundress. And for some reason there was a small black mole on the side of his face. 

“Happy birthday, Mrs. Princess.” Discord sung in a low voice as he tried to sway his hips, only getting borderline traumatized expressions out of the ponies and dragon standing below the cake; exactly what he wanted to see. “What? Too much?” He batted his mascara covered eyelashes.

Spike and the others stood stock-still a while longer, praying what they were seeing was just a sick dream and that they’d wake up realizing it never happened. No such luck was met. 

“Well, there’s one iconic image I can never ask Dash to dress in again.” 

All eyes shifted to Soarin, even Discord’s interest got peaked. 

“Sorain, not now,” Spike said with with his claws pinching the bridge of his snout. “Save whatever you do in the bedroom for later. Discord, please get out of that thing.” 

The slithery being of chaos wasn’t even trying to contain his laughter. Discord floated down from the top of the cake as he wiped an eye with a claw. “Oh, come now, gentlecolts, I’m just playing around.” He snapped his claws and his outfit was gone. “Besides, I wanted to show you all what the cake me and Pinkie whipped up looks like.” 

Spike narrowed his eyes on the mess of frosting on the floor and the gaping hole at the top of the cake. “You mean the one you destroyed a minute ago?”

One more snap of his his chicken claws and the frosting on the floor and on everyones’ coats and scales were gone in a flash of magic. The cake Discord popped out of flashed out of the room until it reappeared on a carrying cart completely void of the hole and looking pretty appetizing. The large dessert still retained its seemingly endless layers of baked goodness, but a quick count revealed it was seven differently frosted circular layers. Pink covered the bottom layer, topped by orange, then pale yellow, cyan, white, emerald green, and coating the top, a bright purple layer with 3 and 0 candles sticking out. Creamy white frosting tinted grey lined the circumference of each layer with a surprisingly organized precision no one thought Discord could possess. 

“Wow, Discord. This is amazing!” Spike drew a claw he didn’t even realize was reaching for a scrap of what was probably confectionery perfection back before he got any closer to ruining its flawless appearance. Flash and rest of the guys had similar looks of sudden hunger in their eyes. Suddenly Pinkie’s constant craving for foods like what was standing in front of them didn’t seem so crazy.  

“Why thank you, Spike. You knowwwww,” Discord practically sung out a pitch higher than his voice really should be, “maybe this birthday cake could also double as an engagement cake as well later on tonight. Ey, Flash?” 

Everypony matched Discord’s grin and inquisitive raise of the eyebrow aimed at Flash Sentry. The orange pegasus found himself unable to speak for a moment. Memories of previous attempts of what Discord was hinting at flashed in his mind; embarrassing, debatably hilarious, and stomach-churning memories. 

Soarin was the first to cut the silence. “Are you gonna try again, Flash?” 

A cross between a nervous and hopeful smile crossed Flash’s face. “Sixth time’s the charm, right?” 

“Seventh,” Spike corrected. “Remember? Twilight tried to make you dinner.” 

A pained look took over, and Flash clutched his stomach with a hoof. “I really don’t want to remember that,” he said through a few grunts. 

Caramel rolled his eyes. “Oh, c’mon, it couldn’t have been that bad.” 

“The doctors named a new condition after me because of it. Starting next year, you’ll see a picture of me in the medical books.” 

That remark sent Caramel’s ears back as he dragged out a long and sympathetic, “Ahhhhh.” 

Flash didn’t know whether or not the casualness of the conversation topic at hoof was a good or bad thing. By now, all the formalities were long exhausted after Flash talked it over with Spike, Shining, Night Light, and Twilight Velvet the first two or three times. And going for it again got easier and easier with each catastrophic failure. The bad side; there were that many catastrophic failures to make a conversation like theirs casual. 

Spike was one of the few who knew how downtrodden Flash really felt about failing so many times at something he poured a lot of thought and soul into. So it was no surprise to the pegasus that the dragon was the one to wrap a reassuring arm around his shoulder and smile. “Hey, lucky number seven. You guys’ll be fine. Plus, me and Shining would like another brother.”  

A small sentiment, but it was just what Flash wanted to hear, if not needed to hear. “Thanks, Spike,” he said before patting the dragon’s shoulder. “So how much longer till the party?” 

Spike’s claw hung in the air as he gave it a steadying gesture. “Eh, about an hour.” 

Discord looked around as he messed around with the colors of the cake. “Where is the birthday princess anyway?” 

“She’s out with Cadance,” Spike answered. “No idea where they went to though.”


***


Twilight trusted Cadance. She trusted her with her life and nearly anything else near and dear to her, but as she followed her fellow disguised alicorn princess through the streets of Canterlot without so much as a hint of where they were going, that trust had a hard time stopping any trace of worry from forming. 

The streets were familiar enough. They were closer to Canterlot Castle than they were just a few minutes ago after Twilight’s public freakout, but an unfamiliar turn led by Cadence directed the two to an array of narrowing streets. The streets they were walking on narrowed even more until Twilight was forced to trail from behind. Even though she lived in the area around Canterlot Castle before and again now, Twilight never really explored the entirety of the area, let alone the city she once again called home. Cadance on the other hoof was like a living map as she navigated maze-like strips of what could be called streets without a single misstep. She stopped in front of two swinging doors and looked up at the chipping paint on the sign above. 

“Hole in the Wall”

“Here it is,” Cadance announced with a nostalgic smile. “Not the best name, I know, but wait till you get inside.” 

Without waiting for a response, Cadance pushed and stepped through the swinging doors. Twilight followed with caution. Inside, she was met with the sight of numerous ponies laughing, talking, some roughhousing, and, of course, drinking. The small bar really did live up to its name. Anypony who didn’t know where the place was would probably have passed it up on their walk. Small wooden tables with two to three chairs each were scattered around the small bar, and neon signs and lights hung at varying angles all around the walls, illuminating the place in a rainbow of light. The ponies smiling and laughing over a few mugs reminded Twilight of the bar she and the others were at just a few months ago for Applejack’s birthday; a much needed change from the aristocratic and stuffiness of the surrounding area. Twilight couldn’t help but smile at the nostalgia the bar was bringing. 

A series of taps on wood brought Twilight’s attention to Cadance tapping a hoof on the wooden bar. She took a seat next to her fellow princess as a surprisingly brawny grey unicorn stallion with a thick, long black mane came up to where Cadance was tapping. His intimidating presence melted away instantly when a large grin crawled on his face. 

“Cadance!” The stallion said in a cherry whisper, the gruffness in his voice still coming out despite his efforts to keep his volume down. 

“Fill Up,” Cadance greeted back, matching the stallion’s grin. “How long’s it been?” 

“Too long. Thought you’d finally forgotten about my little place here. How’s Shiny doin’? Been a while since I’ve seen your lightweight around.” 

“He’s good. What about you and Red Cross?” 

“You know him, another day, another fire to fight. Next month will be our twentieth you know.” 

Cadance lit up and brought a hoof to her mouth, unable to stop the little squee that came out. “Awww, so glad to hear that.” 

“What about you and Shiny?” 

She tossed her head back with a small laugh. “Thirteen years now. Still feels like yesterday he was struggling to talk in complete sentences to me and not drown in a pool of his own sweat.”

That got a few muffled laughs out of the older unicorn. “You’ll need to tell me more about those days some time.” Fill Up began to duck down to pull out a mug for Cadance when his eyes finally caught sight of the other unicorn next to Cadance. “Hello ma’am,” he greeted with a smile before returning his attention to Cadance. “Who’s your friend?” 

Twilight, who had been stunned silent that Cadance was using her real identity in front of this stallion, looked at her sister-in-law, who just smiled at her before she returned her attention back to Fill Up. 

“Fill Up,” Cadance began before going into a whisper, “I’d like you to meet my sister-in-law, Twilight Sparkle.” 

Now it was Fill Up’s turn to be surprised. His eyes widened only for a second before that friendly smile returned. “Well happy birthday, your majesty,” he said, careful now to keep his voice quiet from anypony possibly listening in. 

Weird as the whole situation felt at somepony knowing her through the disguise, it still didn’t stop Twilight from being polite and smiling back at the bartender. “Thank you.” She tried not to sound hesitant, but both Cadance and Fill Up could tell this whole thing was hard for Twilight to wrap her head around. 

“It’s okay, your majesty. Your secret’s safe with me.” He extended a hoof. 

Twilight took his hoof and gave it a shake with a warm smile. “Thank you, but you can just call me Twilight.” She saw Fill Up brighten up even more even after they released each other from their grips. “So how do you know Cadance?”

“Oh that.” He gave a chuckle that reverberated through the air. “She came in here with your brother and some of the other guards one night and practically downed half the bar by herself. She’s even got the same disguise she had on that night!”

Twilight quickly turned to Cadance with wider-than-plate eyes. Cadance was all smiles before she gave a small laugh of her own. “What? It was my 21st birthday, and after all the royal celebration stuff was over with, Shining and some of his friends took me over here. Been coming back here ever since.” 

The look of shock Twilight had still remained. “You’re a mother.”

“Doesn’t mean I can’t have fun every now and then. When you have kids, you’ll see what I mean. Believe it or not, it does help to just let loose every now and then. In your case, you probably need to melt.” 

Lips curved in a small frown, Twilight was about to protest until two mugs held in Fill Up’s orange magic landed in front of the two princesses. 

“So which of my poisons would you like to loosen you up?” Fill Up’s bright yellow eyes shifted to Twilight. “Or melt you?” 

About to say something once again, Twilight found herself interrupted again, this time by a drink order Cadance must have planned out beforehoof. “One Crystal Haze, you know how I like it, and an Unwinder.” 

With the drinks in mind, Fill Up wasted no time. His magic sparked up again, engulfing numerous bottles of various liquids in an orange glow. It was a blur to both mares. One shake here, an add in of something there, another shake there, a few drops there, and, of course, the paper umbrella to top things off. He slid the mugs back with a proud smile. “Drink up, ladies.” 

Cadance took hers and gulped. She shivered a little at the sudden coolness on on her tongue. “Ahh, I’ve missed this.” 

Twilight looked down at her own drink, The Unwinder, she remembered. The name itself was enough to make her frown a little. Ignoring her irritation, the little umbrella floating atop her drink swirled around in a pleasant flow in a pool of purple, drawing the alicorn to peer even further into her drink. “Uhh,” she said uneasily, “what’s in this?” 

“Does it matter?” Cadance said before taking another swig. “If there’s anypony in Equestria that needs a drink right now, it’s you.” 

“I don’t need one,” Twilight protested, only getting a “Really?” look from Cadance. 

“You panicked in the streets and had a melt down out of nowhere, and our little breathing exercises aren’t doing anything. Unless you have another plan.” Cadance took her mug and dangled it in the air, hinting at it with all the subtlety of a clown blowing a flugelhorn. It was enough to get Twilight to take a second look at the drink. When she looked up, Fill Up met her gaze. Still smiling, he gestured to her drink. Twilight could practically feel the eagerness radiating from the stallion for her to try his concoction. If she didn’t need a drink before, two sets of eyes expecting something sure made her need one now. 

Twilight’s mug was already halfway to her muzzle before she even realized it. Something inside her made her stop and stare at her drink, eyebrows creasing into a guilty look. She moaned a little. “I really don’t wanna say this is my answer to relax,” she said, motioning with her mug. 

Both ponies got where Twilight was going, but it didn’t stop Cadance from trying. “Then how about a toast?” She raised her mug. Fill Up mixed something up quick and poured it in another mug before raising it up as well. “To the birthday mare.” A smile took form on Twilight’s lips, signaling her praise for the idea as Cadance went on. “I’ve known her since she was a foal, and have seen her wow ponies left and right throughout the years. From student to princess, she still remains the same kind-hearted, intelligent, humble, and borderline manic pony everyone loves.” The last description brought a scowl that lasted only a second after Twilight saw the proud and beaming faces of Cadance and Fill Up. “To Twilight, one of the most amazing ponies I’m glad I can call my sister-in-law, and even better, my friend. Happy birthday, Twilight.”

“Happy birthday, Twilight,” Fill Up echoed. Neon lights shimmered in Twilight’s eyes when she brought her mug up to meet the others’ in a wooden *CLANK before the three of them took a gulp. 

For Twilight, her experience with her drink differed greatly from Cadance and Fill Up. With them, it was simply another downing of something with alcohol and other flavorings, whereas for her, it was something much more interesting. Once the initial sting of the alcohol left, very quickly, to her surprise, tropical flavors danced on her tongue and splashed around as she swallowed. The drink washed down, cooling her throat and esophagus like something otherworldly. Flash, possible mishaps, her public meltdown, it all seemed to wash away as her drink traveled down her throat.  

“Drink lives up to its name, doesn’t it?” Fill Up was trying to hold in a chuckle, but it escaped nonetheless when Twilight finally snapped out of her trans of sensations. Before she knew it, she took another swig out of her mug, nearly taking the paper umbrella in her throat as well the mug’s contents. 

“Mmm, this is really good,” Twilight said once she set her mug down. “Think I can get another after this one?” 

Orange filled Twilight’s view when Fill Up’s magic sparked up. Soon enough, he slid another mug out to her hoof. “No charge, and happy birthday, Twilight.” 

Twilight took the mug with her free hoof and gave her thanks. “So, Fill Up, can I ask you something?” 

“Sure, anything.” 

“When you asked Cadance how Shining, her ‘little lightweight’, was, what did you mean by that?” 

Cadance and Fill Up met each other’s gazes, smirk smiles crossing their lips. “Oh, that,” Fill Up started while Cadance took another drink, emptying her mug. 

Twilight listened like she was all ears at the stories Cadance and Fill Up told. Shining, she found out, was by no means a light weight. Compared to what his wife could down without getting tipsy, that was a different story, and a little unnerving to Twilight, but she figured everypony did crazy stuff sometime in their lives. For the next hour or so, the three spent the time talking about anything and everything. Shining became a major talking point for a while, and the laughter shared told it was not about his best moments. From Shining, to the dull duties of princess hood, and its more exciting aspects, to the wildest customers a bartender can see, anything was game, even foals. 

“We had to spend two hours cutting into the crystal walls just to get him out.” Cadance was going on about an incident Sky Dive and Heartfelt thought they could combine each others talents and make a pony fly through solid crystal. It half worked. Twilight and Fill Up were clutching their sides as they tried not to fall over. 

Finally, when their laughs actually caused pain instead of pleasure, Fill Up pulled himself together and wiped his eye. “Wooo, enjoy them while their young Cadance. As kids, they may break things, later in life, they break you. Trust me on that, me and Red Cross know.”

Within the hour or so spent, Cadance and Fill Up drained mugs of whatever down like they hadn’t had anything to drink in ages. Mugs littered the bar in clusters, some overturned, yet the two were still sitting up and speaking coherently. Twilight on the other hoof still had a small amount left over from her second mug ordered nearly an hour ago. Once the chatter between the three settled down a bit, it didn’t take Fill Up long to see Twilight’s dismal mug count. 

“You’re not gonna want another, Twilight?” he asked. 

She shook her head. “I probably shouldn’t. I’m only on this one and I already feel a little lightheaded.” 

“Return of Princess Lightweight!” Cadance cheered with a teasing smiled aimed at Twilight.

“Return?” Fill Up asked with peaked interest and a raised eyebrow.

“She and some of her friends were at a wedding in Las Pegasus a month ago, things got a little crazy after just a few drinks, and then she comes home with a tattoo on her—”

“Nopony needs to know where!” Twilight cut in a little more louder than she would have liked. The red spreading on her cheeks however was Cadance’s calling card to go on.  

“It was her coltfriend’s cutie mark.” 

Full on laughter erupted from the brawny unicorn, and it didn’t help the red on Twilight’s cheeks from spreading, nor her annoyance to rise. She felt Cadance nudge her on the shoulder. “Hey, at least you got it off.”

Twilight cringed. “I can still feel the burn.” 

“So you’re not gonna want anything else then?” Fill Up asked. 

“Got anything without alcohol?”

Fill Up ducked under the bar again and reemerged a few seconds later with a clear glass filled to the brim with another drink. He slid the glass over and Twilight gripped it in her hoof. “Sweet Iced Tea good?” 

“It’s perfect,” she answered after taking a nice cool sip of the sweet drink. It was a refreshing chaser after having her mind close to swimming from her last two drinks. 

Cadance eyed the glass for a moment before she tapped the bar once. “Hey, Fill Up, can you get me the good tea?” Another glass was already sliding towards Cadance’s hoof before she could finish her request. 

“Should I just get the refills out now?” he asked with a toothy, knowing grin. He got a smirk from Cadance and a nod from Twilight, already indulged in her icy beverage. In a blur of grey, Fill Up was under the bar again, leaving Cadance and Twilight staring ahead at the wall of the bar. Pictures of Fill Up and a few loyal customers, Cadance in her disguise included, were taped and plastered onto the wall along with a few neon signs of general quotes and drink brands. The thing that caught Cadance’s attention however was the cyan neon light of a clock now in full view without Fill Up standing in its way. With one look of the time, Cadance pulled a bag of bits out of her sweater pocket. She placed it on the bar and scooted her seat back before hopping off. 

“Actually, just give Twilight hers. I need to get going.”

Twilight turned to Cadance with a raised brow as Fill Up came back up with a few filled mugs in his magic. “Why do you need to leave?” 

Since she was in on the surprise party, Cadance quickly came up with a not-so-stretch from the truth excuse. “Guess which certain husband of mine thought he could pick a good gift for you at the last minute.” 

A groan served as Twilight's response. “Again?”

“Again,” Cadance said with a flat tone. “That’s why I give Shining a list when our anniversary comes around. I’m just gonna make sure he doesn’t get you something… what are the words I’m looking for?”

“Complete crap.”

“That works. Just go back to the castle after you, Celestia, and Luna get dinner, and I’ll make sure you get your gift.” Cadance was already halfway to the exit when Fill Up started waving a hoof. 

“Hey, don’t be a stranger. Swing by sometime soon,” he called out. 

“Count on that, Fill Up.” With that, Cadance was out the swinging doors. Moments later, she was out of the alley and back on the open streets of Canterlot before she lit her horn and disappeared in a flash of magic. 

Back inside, Twilight swiveled in her seat back to face the bar and Fill Up’s questioning eyes. “Dinner with the other princesses?” he asked.

“It’s kinda been a little family pass along today.” Her gaze drifted downwards into her now empty glass. She twirled around with the straw, turning the ice inside. “I think I need to apologize to them though. I wasn’t exactly in the best state of mind before Cadance took a turn with me.” 

“How so?”

“I was a bit of a nervous wreck earlier.” 

“You seem better now.” 

Twilight couldn’t help but smile. “I am, thanks to her… and the drinks,” she added the last part with a little embarrassment. “I do worry too much sometimes.” The swirling ice in her glass she was focusing on kept a steady rhythm going around and around, and it was starting to affect Twilight. She didn’t notice at  first, but the swirling just in her glass became the swirling of her body on the seat. A few seconds of this, Twilight came to a stop and she placed her glass on the bar. “Woo, think I’ll take some of that tea now.” She grabbed the glass closest to her as the world began to stay in place again. Not even thinking about it, she took the straw in her mouth and took a drink. The same cool refreshing feel came back, but for some reason, there was a kick to the drink. She held the glass in her hoof and stared quizfully at it. “Fill Up, did you add something to this?” 

“No, why?”

“This tastes different. I mean its good, but there’s something about it.” 

The drinks on the bar Fill Up set down just a few moments ago suddenly became a center of worry for the bartender. “Twilight?” he asked with a slowly as he gestured to the cluster of glasses. “Which side of this did you grab that glass from?” 

Twilight looked down at the glasses.” Ugh…” She held a hoof out to the side closest to her. “Here, why?” Now she was getting worried, and the crack  in her voice was proof. “I got Cadance’s tea didn’t I?”

Fill Up just stayed silent. 

“Did I?” 

“Maybe.” 

“Maybe! Well, which of these were Cadance’s?”

His mouth opened and closed a few times, only a few high pitched ugh’s and umm’s coming out until he finally, and regretfully admitted, “I have no idea.”

Twilight’s eyes swung straight back to the glass in her hoof and the twirling ice in her glass. At least, she thought it was twirling. When she looked up, the room was wobbly, or was it just her, even as she was sitting? The pieces in her mind were already connecting as to what she just drank, and when they finished, it hit her hard. “Oh, no.”


***


Guests flooded into the castle like a technicolor river. Unicorns, Pegasi, and Earth Ponies alike, most in nice clothing, and others completely decked out in their fanciest attire for a party for the princess. Admittingly, the attire for the party turned up with a more formal tone, but with a party for a princess, ponies had a tendency to go all out despite the note in the invite that actually encouraged a casual dress. 

Blotched in black checkmarks, Pinkie’s invite list on Spike’s clipboard seemed just about full. Everypony invited that said they could make it was present and accounted for. 

While the guests mingled, a certain orange pegasus was making his way down the hall to the party room with a neatly wrapped gift wrapped in one of his wings. Flash, now dressed in a nice jacket, trotted down the hall and into the room where Spike and his family were all gathered for the final checkup. 

Spike was the first to get a glimpse of the pegasus, and waved him over to join in. “Hey, Flash. What’cha need?” 

“To propose right.” Night Light’s shushed remark didn’t completely fall on deaf ears. He felt a sharp jab at his side, and saw the piercing eyes of his wife standing next to him. “It was a joke!” he said through a few coughs. 

Hoping to redirect the issue, Spike stepped towards Flash with a very forced grin. “Uh, buh, hey! Is that for Twilight?” 

Flash took the wrapped box from under his hoof. “Yeah, where should I put it?” 

A lavender light engulfed Flash’s gift before it was lifted from his hold. “Allow me,” Velvet said before guiding the gift to a full table by Discord’s cake. There was an uneasiness to her when she faced Flash again, and if it wasn’t the strained smile she tried to keep that gave it away, then the way it spread to Night Light, Shining Armor, and Spike did. Even Flash found himself feeling the need just to put on a grin just to match the others. It wasn’t until after a few moments of awkward silence that Velvet finally gave a groan. “Oh for the love of—” She jabbed her husband in the side again, making him clutch the area. “You just had to feel like joking around right this moment.”

Flash echoed Velvet’s groan with a roll of his blue eyes. “It’s fine, Mrs. Velvet. At this point, I’m surprised more ponies aren’t talking about it.” 

They just stood there, averting their looks from the pegasus.

“More ponies do talk about it, don’t they?” 

Nopony really wanted to confirm Flash’s guess, but the nervous grins and strong silence did it for them. 

“Only when you’re nowhere around,” Shining tried, as if his answer helped. It wasn’t long before Shining felt a jab at his side as well. 

Velvet sighed before she put on a more sympathetic look. “Flash, you know we already consider you part of the family. And I think we all know how you and Twilight feel for each other.” Just the mention of Twilight brought a light to Flash’s eyes. “We just really want this to work out. Sooooo…” Velvet began to scuff at the floor with her hoof. “... are you going to try again tonight?” 

The nod and hopeful smile Flash gave off sent exhausted, but still burning faith through Velvet’s body. Just to see something this special not blow up in her daughter’s face for a seventh time was all she was asking for. Was it too much to ask? She stepped up closer to Flash, pleading eyes dead set on him. “Please just tell us how we can help so this doesn’t go wrong again. Because, no pressure, but any chances I see my daughter finding happiness with a stallion by now kinda lives and dies with you.” 

In that moment, Flash wondered to himself how one mare’s words delivered more pressure than what he felt being submerged at the bottom of the ocean would bring. 

A knock on the door brought him and the others out of whatever it was they were doing before a familiar voice called through. “Guys? You in there?”

“It’s open, Cadance,” Spike called. The door opened and and Cadance stepped through. Now free of her disguise, pink shone once again on her coat, and her candy-like mane flowed as the feathers in her wings ruffled a bit after finally being rid of the sweater that constrained them. 

“That your present,” Spike asked when he caught sight of the decent-sized box floating in the air in a cloud of light blue. 

“No, mine and Shining’s.”

“So yours.”

There really wasn’t any point in trying after her husband’s track record. “Yeeeeaah.” 

“Standing right here, guys,” Shining muttered. “And what was wrong with my gift anyway?” Four sets of eyes set on him, each with one eyebrow arched and a face that practically screamed “Really?”. Taking the hint, Shining just waved a hoof with a resigned sigh. “Forget I asked.” 

“Hey, Cadance,” Spike asked the alicorn, “how was Twilight while you had her?” 

Cadance could already see the worry on Spike’s face. She gave him a quick pat on his arm. “She’s better now. I took her out after she had a little, ugh, well, she kinda melted down in the middle of town.” All eyes widened. “But she’s better now!” She quickly added. A collective exhale was their response. “I took her to get a drink with an old friend of mine and Shining’s.” 

“Fill Up?” Shining asked. 

“Uh-Huh.” 

“Who?” Velvet and Night Light asked. 

“Don’t worry, guys,” Shining reassured. “She’s in good hooves.”


***


Twilight sat at her seat in the bar, swaying side to side like she was about to lose her balance and faceplant  onto the floor. “You know what?” she asked a very confused Fill Up. His expression was somewhere between concerned and ready to lose it at the sight of Twilight.

“No, what?” he asked back, trying to force the growing smile on his face to go away. 

“I worry… waaaaaaaayy too much!” Cadance’s tea went every which way when Twilight tried to gesture her point, but only got the floor wet before she started giggling for no apparent reason.

The old saying went that one drink lead to another. If the saying was true for accidental cases, Twilight was the living proof. The glasses Fill Up brought for her and Cadance before she left were now toppled over on the bar, some overturned and spilling whatever remnants remained onto the now slippery floor, and only a few remained untouched, leaving a very, very, very drunk Twilight going on about Celestia and Luna knows what in an animated and loopy fashion. Cadance’s mission to loosen her up was a success though, a little too much of a success. Even her body seemed looser as she swayed on her seat. Her eyelids even refused to stay up all the way, leaving a plastered look of dizziness, complete inebriation, and weirdly, induced happiness. 

Fill Up never offered more drinks once Twilight started inching to her current state, but the teas he left specifically for Cadance were just sitting there, and Twilight had already accidently begun. She was doomed once her lips touched that first accidental glass. 

“Aaand I’ll tell ya another thing.” Her speech was slurred and lazy. She held her hoof in the air and kept silent longer than a simple pause should be. Fill Up stood, still trying not to laugh, and waiting for her to continue on. A muffled laugh just came. “I totally forgot!” And then she went into hysterics. 

Not a stranger to drunk ponies, Fill Up generally knew how to deal with them; get help for the really dizzy ones, keep a bucket nearby, toss the angry ones out, and wait with the more fun ones until somepony came by to help them home. The latter was the general plan of action right now. Fill Up figured once Twilight didn’t show up on time for dinner with the princesses, Cadance would come by and take Twilight home. The plan seemed easy enough, and for the most part was easy enough. Fill Up passed the time waiting for Cadance mostly tending to other customers, entertaining Twilight in her drunken comments, even thought they were mostly entertaining him, and most importantly, cutting her off from further alcohol. 

“Do you usually get like this when you drink, Twilight? If you don’t mind me asking.”

Twilight looked up with a lazy gaze. She could’ve been tranquilized for all anypony could have known. She snickered more before she said, “I-I-I don’t puke from throwing up.”

“Oooookayyy,” Fill Up said slowly. “How about I get you some coffee while we wait?”

“Wait for what?” Twilight had to brace herself on the bar. “I almost face kissed the floor.” 

“For somepony to take you home,” he said while starting the brewer. 

“Flash is the only one who can take me home.” 

That one got the stallion to finally break into a full on roar of laughter. “Woo, you really are hammered.” 

“I think you’re right!” Twilight said as if discovering she was before going into another fit of giggles. “I’m drunk! I am drunk. Off my flank! WOOOOO!” She flung her hooves into the air, nearly falling back with the chair as more of her glass’s content spewed all over the floor. “This is the best tea I’ve ever had!” She randomly declared before taking the final swig of her glass. 

“Glad you liked it.”

“Where-Wh-Where? Oh! Where do I pay? For-For this awesome stuff?”

“It’s your birthday, you’re a friend, and you’ve been fun, no charge.” 

She blinked one eye at a time. “It’s my birthday? Oh, no, I forgot to get myself a gift.”

“I don’t think you need to worry about that, Twilight.”

“You are so right. No worries! Kn-Kn-Know what I shouldn’t do t-t-today? Worry!” she answered her own question without giving Fill Up a chance to even try. “Because when I worry… the worry takes over in-into another worry that-that takes me… ugh… i-i-into another thing that gets… gets me to worry, and that makes me worry even more. Get it?” 

Only through years of hearing familiar styled questions could Fill Up shake his head and truly mean the “yes” that followed. 

“Sing for me!” Twilight practically sung out, drawing a bewildered look from Fill Up and a few other nearby patrons.

“‘Cuse me?” 

“Sing me a birthday song. Any birthday song!”

He stood still for a moment. “Isn’t there only one?”

“Happy birthday to me!” she started off, completely out of pitch and more screaming than singing. “Happy birthday to me! I’m drunk off my ass and I…. really don’t give a buck!”

With that impromptu scream-song, Fill Up was grateful the brewer was finally done. “Okay,” he said a little uneasily, “coffee time for you, Twilight.” He poured her a cup and slid it on the bar. 

“Hey, man, where’s the tea. That was some goooood stuff,” she said with her slur. 

“I think you’ve had enough ‘tea’ for today.” 

She leaned across the bar. “C’moooon. What’s one more?”

“You passing out on the floor, or puking on it. Celestia and Luna know how many times that’s happened in here.” 

A little, dim light went off in Twilight’s mind at the mention of those two names. Through her blurred vision, she could make out some faded neon behind Fill Up on the wall, a clock. Even in her state, she was still able to tell it was way past the hour. “Hey, Fill Up? What time is it?”

He looked back. “7:25, why?”

That’s when the final gear turned. She gasped, and for the first time in a while, her eyes opened all the way up… only for them to come back down halfway and her lazy smile to return. “I’m soooooo late.” The giggles came out again. “I should… I should… castle… be…. there.” 

Before Twilight could even try and swivel her seat around to get up, Fill Up quickly brought some creamer and sugar and set it in her area. “Or you could stay here and drink this up before you try and head out anywhere.” 

She just flopped her head onto the counter. “I love this place,” she said while limply trying and failing to reach for the sugars. “I love you. I love your drinks. I love everything. More ponies should come here.” 

Even if it was drunk praise, it was praise nonetheless, and it brought a smile to Fill Up’s face at such love for his little bar. “Thanks, Twilight.” 

“I should bring Celestia and Luna here.” 

“That’d actually be nice.” 

Slowly, Twilight raised her head off the counter. “I should bring Celestia and Luna here.”

“Yeah. That’d be nice,” he said again, unaware that an idea was crawling through Twilight’s swimming mind. 

That idea finally found its place in her brain. “I should bring them here right now.” 

“I don’t know how you’re gonna—” His incomplete question found its answer when he noticed Twilight’s horn start to glow and collect in energy and light. 

“I’m gonna go bring them over here right now.” 

Panic set in and Fill Up rushed to the counter, waving his hooves in front of her. “No no no no no no, don’t do that! You don’t have to! Another time’s good!” 

She just kept swaying side to side and took her cup with the ridiculous look and smile on her face still there. “Don’t worry, I-I-I’ll be back. I’m gonna bring them here right now.” She swiveled in her seat to the other side, her horn glowing bright. Right before she hopped off with unbalance, she took her cup and fell face-forward off her seat, disappearing in a flash of light. 

Fill Up’s eyes adjusted to see spilled coffee on the floor and bar, and a bar with one less princess inside. 

“Yo, Fill? You alright,” one of the other patron called over upon seeing Fill Up’s wide eyes and stock still stance. 

He turned to the pony, slowly. “There is a drunk princess loose in Canterlot.” 


***


Out on the front steps of Canterlot Castle, all was a dead silence. Nothing but the rustling of nearby bushes and trees could be heard, and Luna’s moon hung in full lunar grace in the night sky, shining its reflected light down on the land below. It was the scene of tranquility, and could have remained as such had not a spark of magic flickered in the middle of the steps. 

A white light flash again before Twilight landed face-first on the stairs to the castle. Had she been in a better state of mind, pain might have registered. “The spell worked,” she announced to nopony as her head swam with dizziness and unfocused eyes somewhat landed on the castle door. “I need to be over there.” With wobbling legs, she picked herself up off the ground and started up the stairs. “Happy birthday to me! Happy birthday to me!”


***


Standing/Crouching and waiting in the dark were the standards for a surprise party, and it was done with patience and enthusiasm. More than twenty minutes of it however was another story, and was enough for the lights to come back on and ponies to start chattering about. 

Spike had already given the job to entertain guest to Pinkie and the rest of their friends until he sorted out what to do about the no-show guest of honor. For a while he just paced around the room, hoping to see Twilight through one of the wall-length windows. All he saw was a window full of gardens and stairs. “Where is she?” he said mostly to himself with a little frustration. 

“I don’t get it. I told her to come back to the castle to meet my aunts for dinner.”

Behind him, Cadance stood with some kind of sparkling drink in her magic and a somewhat worried look on her face. “Where did you guys go anyway,” Spike asked. 

“I just took her out to this bar near the castle. She and I had a few drinks and just talked with a friend of mine, but then I had to leave. She should’ve been back by now.” 

A small though came to Spike that out of all parties it could have happened, he hoped wouldn’t at this. “You don’t think she, ugh, maybe drank too much.”

“No,” Cadance answered, immediately calming Spike’s worries. “She switched to tea after two drinks. Maybe she just lost track of time?” The idea was met with a blank stare. 

“You are talking about Twilight, right? The mare who when I was little used to wake up with seven alarm clocks just so she’d be sure to not be late for school. That Twilight Sparkle?” 

“I can do without the sarcasm you know.”

“It’s a reflex, sorry.” With his attention back on the window, a slew of possibilities came to Spike’s mind, and for a moment, he understood what goes through Twilight’s head on a daily basis. He was not enjoying it. “Okay look, I’m gonna go out and try and look for her. Tell the girls to try and get everypony to quiet down a little, then stay by the door to see when I come back with her. 

“Shouldn’t I come with you? You don’t even know where—”

“Head out the castle, go straight, take a left at the first narrow alley, then look for ‘Hole in the Wall’. Shining showed me the place once, and me, him, and Flash have been going there for a while now,” Spike added in once he saw Cadance’s surprised expression. 

“So sentry duty?” she asked again.

Spike started towards the door. “Yeah, I’ll be back.” He shut the door once he was out and headed out of the hallway and towards the entryway of the castle. He trusted she’d be fine. Just because she was a little late once in her life didn’t mean something awful happened, at least that was what Spike was telling himself. He pushed his thoughts aside and reached for the handle on the front door. It jiggled a little before he touched it. He retracted his arm while the handle giggled a little more, then it stopped, followed by a soft thump on the other side. 

Curiosity now peaked, Spike threw the door open.

“Heeeeeeeeyyyy, you got the door open!” 

On sight was a very drunk Twilight on her haunches, barely propped up on one of her forelimbs and swaying from side to side with the same dizzy look she had back at the bar. On any other day, any other time, the sight Spike was taking in would’ve had him toppled over in a raucous laughter that could make the maddest of scientists sound sane. Instead, Spike just stood with wide eyes as disbelief wrote itself on his face like permanent marker. 

“Twilight,” he managed to say, “are you drunk?” Exactly why he asked when the obvious answer was in front of him, even he didn’t fully know. If anything, maybe there was a chance this simply wasn’t happening, slim as the chance may be, and that this was just a cruel joke Twilight was playing on him.

“Nooooooo,” Twilight answered before falling from her propped up position and onto the ground. She started to giggle. “I’m lying. I’m so, so, soooooo drunk. It’s great, Spike. This-This-This is a good birthday, Spike. Wanna sing with me?” 

With newly destroyed hopes, Spike responded with unintelligible mutters until he started sputtering random one-worded questions in a rather twitchy way. “How?!? When?!? Why?!?” 

“Woah, Spike,” Twilight spoke softly. “Just calm down. You’re worryin’ too much.” 

‘Huh, so that’s what everyone sounds like to her.’ Spike brushed the thought away and rushed to help Twilight on her hooves. She may have wobbled the entire time, but he eventually got her onto all fours. 

“Thaaaaanks, Spike. You know you’re always there for me? I love you so much.” With that, she lost her balance and slumped into one of Spike’s arms before another round of sporadic snickers came about. “Can you help me remember why I’m here?”

“Twilight.”

She stood up straighter all of a sudden. “Oh yeaaaaaah, I was gonna take Sun and Moon to the place. Have you been to the place, Spike? It’s sooooo fun.” 

“Twilight.”

With a groggy turn of her head, Twilight eyes were right on Spike’s “What’s daily, Scaly?” 

If Spike needed another sign all this was indeed happening, Twilight’s breath was the final indicator. One smell made him scrunch up his nose in disgust. “Ack! Sheesh, Twi, how much did you drink? What did you drink anyway?”

“It was… a lot? But it was just tea. Best tea I’ve ever had in my life. We should go back and get some! We can take Celestia and Luna.” She started to tug on Spike’s arm. “C’mooooon, Spikey, let’s go get ‘em.”

“Twi.” He held her in place as he kept her steady on her hooves.  “Twi, you need to listen to me real quick.”

She gave a nod with a goofy grin. “Suuuuure, anything for you, Spike. Shoot.” 

“Okay, Twi, here’s the thing, all of us; Mom, Dad, Shining, Cadance, the girls, me, we all planned out this surprise party for you. All of our family, friends from Ponyville, here... everyone is inside there waiting for you.” 

Genuine surprise actually took hold of Twilight for one of the first times that night. Her jaw hung open and she brought a hoof to her open mouth. “No,” she gasped.

“Yes,” Spike replied with some panic. 

“No.”

“Yes!”

And then the laughing started up again. “Oh, no. This is soooo bad.” It didn’t seem that way with the wide and uncontrolled grin on Twilight’s face. “Oh, no, Mom and Dad have never seen me drunk before.”

Spike hesitated a little while. “Weeeeell, not exactly. Remember your twenty-first birthday and you said you weren’t gonna drink, but it wasn’t till after Mom and Dad left that you did?”

“Yeah, why?”

“That’s just what we told you. Me, Dash, and Pinkie kinda slipped you some of Cadance’s cider and you kinda, ugh, tried to dry hump against Flash right in front of them.”

For the second time in her state of mind, Twilight was written with shock, despite the droopiness of her eyelids that still remained. She just gasped and tried to hit Spike’s side with her hooves. To him, it mostly felt like being swatted by a dizzy butterfly. “You assholes!” she said like she was suppressing a laugh. “You assholes!” 

Spike let her continue her failure of hits for a few more seconds before he took hold of her hooves and set them down. “Twi, focus. There is a whole crowd of ponies waiting for the guest of honor; you!” he made sure to emphasize when he saw Twilight’s questioning look. 

“And I’m drunk!” she said rather merrily. “Oh, wait! That’s the problem.” 

“Okay, okay, it’s alright, it’s alright. We can get through this. I’ll get you some coffee from the kitchen, I’ll let Cadance and the girls know, and we’ll get you through this. Nopony will know.”

“You sure?” It really was the question of the decade, but the alternative was a party without the guest of honor. 

“Positive.” Spike was actually thankful Twilight was too out of it to see the strain of his smile and the uncertainty in his voice. “First, do you think you can ditch the disguise?” 

At first, Twilight didn’t know what he was talking about, but one look at her hooves reminded herself she wasn’t usually blue. “Pfffft, of course I can.” A series of failed charges of magic later, Twilight finally reverted back to her normal lavender shade and natural manestyle. Now with Twilight looking like Twilight, the real first challenge of the night began; getting her to walk like she wasn’t drunk. 

The walk back into the castle and into the desired hallway was in itself a sight to see. For Spike, it was like trying to teach a foal how to walk again. Even at that, he was pretty sure Heartfelt and Sky Dive didn’t wobble this much… or faceplant into the floor three times in twenty seconds. Once a rhythm came to Twilight, she was better in control, even if just a little bit. 

Spike turned a corner to see a pink blur and a tri-colored tail retreat back into the door. He knew Cadance had seen them and was telling everypony on the other side to quiet down and hide. They reached the front of the door. 

“Okay, Twi, ready?”

Twilight broke away from her scaly temporary crutch and took a few practice steps. “Yeah,” she said with a few more nods than was necessary. This should be something to see. 

“Remember, it’s a surprise party. Act surprised, stay close to me, smile, and try not to talk so much.” 

“Aye Aye, Captain!” 

Not wanting to dwell on what that one response made him feel, Spike took the knob in his claw and opened the door. 

“SURPRISE!” 

Music started and the lights went on as ponies, and Discord, popped up from anywhere they could hide in a burst of energy and, not so surprisingly, confetti, streamers, and balloons. Keeping up with Spike’s instructions, Twilight feigned surprise. The only problem; it came in the form of a scream louder than expected, or hoped on Spike’s part. Thankfully, nopony thought too much of it once Twilight started talking. 

“Wow, thanks guys. Got me good right there.” She was pointing a hoof with a sly grin aimed at no one in particular, and her tone started to drag. 

Spike quickly reacted when he saw her legs begin to shake. “Happy birthday, Twilight!” he announced in a booming voice. The guests cheered even louder, giving Spike a chance to help Twilight recover her hoofing and make his way through the crowd. Thankfully, most of the ponies had already helped themselves to the drinks and snacks offered and were already in party mode before they came in. It made the usual “thanks for coming” more than enough to sustain whatever guest they came up to. Spike knew Celestia and Luna would be harder to please than with just simple thanks, so he made sure to steer away from those two at least for now. 

With only some complication, Spike lead Twilight through the crowd of guest to their already eager friends, each waiting to congratulate their friend. They did, but once they saw Spike’s less than excited look, questions quickly rose. 

Rarity was first to the punch. “Spike, dear, what’s wrong?” 

The answer came with a sluggish grin as Twilight leaned in and whispered, “It’s a secret.” She motioned for the others to get closer. They did with unease before Twilight put a hoof by the side of her mouth. “I’m drunk,” she said with a rasp in the very poor whisper even Pinkie couldn’t have done worse at. 

Twilight’s shaky balance became more apparent to the rest of her friends, as well as the very traceable signs of alcohol on her breath that made her friends back up a bit. 

“Rarity,” Spike said, getting his wife’s attention. “I need you to take Twilight to her room and buy us some time to see what we’re gonna do about… this.” 

Rarity was at Twilight’s side in a flash. “Okay, Spike. I think I have just the excuse.” He was about to ask, but lost out on his chance when Rarity took Twilight’s hoof a made a mad dash through the crevices of the guests. “Emergency, ponies!” she cried in her chirpy tone. “Birthday mare needs a birthday dress!” Both ponies were last seen in purple and white blurs before the door in the front slammed shut. 

First to ask what was on everypony’s mind, with all the tact of splintered wood, Rainbow Dash asked, “So what’s with Cirrhosis the Alicorn?” 

After an eyeroll, Spike faced his friends. “I don’t know. I found her at the front of the castle like that.” He started to rub at the sides of his head. “Uh, this isn’t good.”

“So she’s drunk at a party,” Applejack joined in. “Not like anypony can’t say they haven’t been at least once in their life.”

“Besides,” Pinkie chirped with a bounce, “Drunk Twilight is a lot more fun than Normal Twilight.”  

“Yeah,” Spike shamefully admitted, “but most ponies aren’t princesses of Equestria. And it’s not just that.”

“What’s not just what?”

Spike turned around to see Cadance standing behind him. Over her head, he could see Shining, Flash, Night Light, and Twilight Velvet approaching as well. He figured he might as well break the news in one go. He waited out the initial questions of his family about Twilight until he got them to settle down and listen. Explaining she was drunk was easy enough, two words in fact. “Twilight’s drunk.” 

Out of all the immediate responses Twilight Velvet could’ve gone with, she decided on, “Does that mean I’m going to have to wait even longer for my daughter to get engaged.” Even Flash joined in the collective slow turn of heads as everyone’s eyes creeped to meet Velvet’s own. “Not the time?” she wearily asked, already knowing the answer. 

“Anyway,” Spike went on, “so Twilight’s drunk, that’s out of the way, and all of you know. It needs to stay just between us.” He made sure to punctuate the last part. Before the party had started, Cadance had filled him, Shining, their parents, and the girls in on why Twilight was so wound up earlier in the day. It went without saying why Twilight needed her incident to be kept secret from the rest of the party. As if they were about to tell her the next morning when all of this was over how everypony at the party was talking about the drunk birthday princess dancing on tabletops before passing out on the floor in a pile of her own shame and puke. 

With the plan to keep Twilight appearing sober agreed upon, each of them broke off to entertain guests and be ready to pull Twilight in should she somehow wander off or start talking more than what would lead to suspicion.

“Sorry, Flash,” Spike said to the pegasus before he went off to find a spot in the room. 

Flash just put on a smile until Spike was mostly out of sight. His lips uncurled into a small frown as he brought a hoof to a pocket on the chest of his jacket. There, he felt the lump of the little box placed in there just hours ago. “Maybe next time.”

Roughly twenty minutes later, Rarity reentered the party room where everything was in full swing. DJing the party, the same white mare from Spike and Rarity’s wedding was switching, playing, and mixing records this way and that, finally getting the accidental formal tone of the party to loosen up. 

“This way, darling,” she called behind her. A small flop on the floor later, Twilight came into the room wearing a simple pink dress, intricately accented with various purple and blue shades at the edges, and further styled with some sequence around the torso, collar, and end of the dress. With Rarity as her guide, she somewhat glided down the room as she fluttered her wings and set off the sequence’s shine. With the way she was dressed, and maybe it was an impromptu plan Rarity concocted, Twilight was able to hide her plastered state rather well. All eyes were on what she was wearing and less on her drifting eyes and, at times, wobbly walk, and she was able to travel with her friend and only had to say her thanks to the many compliments and birthday wishes she was getting. 

“Doing good so far, dear,” Rarity said as she looked on for one of their friends, eventually seeing Spike through a few other guests. 

“Thaaaaanks, you’re doing good too.” Whatever that meant, Rarity took it as a compliment and lead the two of them towards Spike’s direction.

“How’s she doing, Rares?” Spike asked when the two approached.

“I swear, Spike, it was like watching Sweetie Belle learn how to walk all over again.”  

“Oh, c’mon, I wasn’t that bad,” Twilight said before drifting side to side. 

“Try to stand still, darling. So what’s the plan, Spike?” 

Spike filled her in; make sure someone in their group is with Twilight at all times, walk around and act like everything is fine, pull her aside if somepony gets too chatty, and above all else, don’t let anypony give her more to drink. Rarity nodded in agreement before Spike stepped closer. “You did great with her dress, honey.”

“Thank you, darling,” Rarity said with pride, despite that her dress’s model looked like she was about to fall over at the slightest touch. “Twilight, dear, how much did you drink, if you don’t mind me asking.” 

Twilight started to count in silence while tracing her hoof in the air. “I-I remember the first one, then after the third one, it made six.”

Spike groaned. “In other words, too much. I’ll take over, Rarity. Go entertain guests, and I’ll keep an eye on Twi.” 

“Alright, darling.” Rarity trotted away to mingle. It didn’t take long for somepony to start  chatting it up with her, so Spike, with Twilight beside him went around the room as well. 

For the most part, Spike’s plan was simple enough, and played out to a varying success. Just like earlier in the day, Twilight found herself passed along from pony to pony. Each of her friends and family being her company and damage control at least once throughout the first few hours of the party. It took some creative explaining to Sky Dive about why Auntie Twilight looked and talked a little funny and why her breath smelled so weird. 

“Oh, you mean like when Great Aunt Luna tried to have that ‘Traditional’ party at the castle and the next morning you found her—”

“Eh, ugh, well,” Cadance struggled to say as her eyes darted anywhere, “not... well... something less drastic like that.” 

Sky Dive looked back at Twilight. “Are we gonna have to get a pick axe tomorrow morning?” 

“Go ask your father.” 

With a foal’s curiosity peaked combined with an order from his mother, Sky Dive went off to look for Shining Armor. He found him and Heartfelt across the room, and from what Cadance could tell, he was not liking the question his son brought up. “Your problem,” she mouthed when Shining looked at her. 

“Luna did what again?” Flash stood at Cadance’s side while Twilight helped herself to some of the treats sprawled across one of the food tables.

“I”ll tell you later. How’s Twilight holding up?” 

“Hey look guys, its rainbow cupcakes!” There was a splatter of frosting as Twilight smashed two multicolored cupcakes together. “Now it-it’s a mega rainbow cupcake!”

“Could be worse,” Flash deadpanned. This was not how he imagined tonight to go. 

“Hey, you guys’ll get it right,” Cadance said, as if she could read Flash’s mind. “Keep in mind this is coming from the Princess of Love.” 

That at least got a smile out of the orange pegasus. “Thanks, Cadance.” He trotted next to the table and got a few napkins before he came up to Twilight. “Twilight, you got a little frosting in your mane.” He proceeded to wipe off any mess off of Twilight. “You’re doing great by the way. Just a few more hours, and we’ll put you in bed, and this’ll all be over.”

Twilight just seemed to have a dazed look, like nothing was getting through to her and her own thoughts were left to a twisted and hazy road. That road lead her to put on a giddy smile, lower her eyelids, and poke him in the chest. “You are so handsome, you know that?” She brushed a wing against his side. “Maybe you should be the one to put me to bed.” There was a bit of emphasis on the last few words that made Flash remember the way she got when she was drunk. Before he had a chance to even take a step back, she grabbed at his jacket and pulled him closer so they were eye-to-eye. “I wanna make love to you right here right now!” 

Cadance had heard everything. “I really wish you wouldn’t.” 

Flash tried to pull away as he cleared his throat. “Twilight, maybe you should—”

“C’mon, it’s your birthday! Let me do this for you.” Now she threw her other forelimb over his shoulder and slumped down, nearly dragging Flash down with her. She wasn’t letting go. 

“It’s your birthday, Twilight.” 

She looked up, a few strands of her mane now hanging down in front of her eyes and out of place. “Then do this for me.” 

She tried to lean into his face for a kiss, but Flash brought his own hooves to her shoulders and gently tried to push her off. She still held onto him, but gave up on her attempted kiss when she started to swing back and forth. “Is the room spinny? I think the room’s spinny.”

“It’s just you, honey.” 

Twilight’s grip loosened and Flash was able to pull himself away, only for him to be grabbed once again by his marefriend. “I’m not done with you yet, Flashy,” she said in a sing-song tune.

“Twilight,” Flash struggled to say, a part of him giving the slightest consideration to actually going with Twilight’s dirty thoughts, “I really don’t think now’s the best time.” 

By now, a few ponies had their attention on the two of them. Flash began to sweat a little at the sudden unwanted attention while Cadance tried to wave off the ponies’ attention. 

“Why noooot? Twilight practically whined with a small pout on her face. 

“Because…” Flash darted his eyes, looking for something, anything. “Because…” He dug through his mind as he felt Twilight inch closer and closer, swaying a little as she started to brush up against him. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t enjoying it a little, but he knew he had to think of something. “Because the cake’s about to be brought out!” Flash suddenly said.

Just then, the lights went out. There were a few screams and drops of plates before red siren lights went on in the room, accompanied by the blaring of sirens. Hooves covered ears and eyes clenched as everypony wondered what was going on. A few seconds of unbearable noise later, a large spotlight went on that pointed to the door. Everypony held their breaths as an invisible drum roll began. Once the drum roll ended, the doors nearly swung off their hinges as an explosion of confetti, streamers, and balloons went off in a cascade of colors. From the explosion, a large wheeled cart rolled in carrying a large, multicolored, seven-layered cake, with Discord pushing at the handle. 

“Haaaaappy birthday, Twilight!” Discord announced merrily, his voice coming through like the sirens just a minute ago. The panic and fear that was present instantly melted into cheer as ponies echoed Discord’s thoughts to their princess. The lights returned to normal, and Twilight finally backed off of Flash with a wide smile on her face at the numerous ponies wishing her happy birthday, something she remembered now was in fact today. It didn’t take long after the cake’s grand entrance that Discord started off the birthday song and was soon joined by everyone in the room.

“Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday, dear, Princess Twilight! Happy birthday to you!” 

The room roared with cheer and applause for the birthday mare, and Twilight was beaming with joy. 

“How’d you know Discord was bringing in the cake?” Cadance asked Flash through the cheering ponies. 

“I didn’t,” Flash said before he heard a snap go off. Before anypony knew it, Twilight was sitting in an elevated chair that placed her right in front of the burning 3 and 0 candles atop the top purple layer of the cake. 

“Make a wish, Twilight,” Discord said from down below. 

Twilight took a moment to process his words, and get a grip on where she was, then blew out her candles. They went out, but not without the uncontrolled spittle that followed Twilight’s blow. Nopony noticed from down below and cheered anyway. 

Discord snapped his claws and Twilight was back on the ground by the cake  while Discord took the seat she was in just a moment ago, a mic in his lion paw. “Well, Twilight, welcome to the thirties.” His seat began to lower so that he was only a few feet above everyone's heads. “You know, I’ve know Twilight for a little over ten years now, ponies, and let me just say, if you’re ever going to want to see a good mental breakdown…” a large red arrow with flashing lights poofed from a cloud of smoke pointed right at Twilight with an admission sign hanging below, “... she’s  your best bet.” The joke earned him mixed expressions, but he just laughed at his own humor before clearing his throat. “But in all seriousness, Twilight, you’ve been an inspiration to so many, and a life saver to even more, myself included.” A grateful smile crossed Discord’s single-fanged mouth. “She’s just one of the reasons I came to truly believe friendship really is magic, and I’m sure there’s a few of you out there that can say the same.” Among the crowd, Discord saw little gestures and murmurs of agreement. 

Even through the haze in her mind, Twilight still knew when ponies were talking about her. Had she not been drunk, her willpower to stop getting teary-eyed at Discord’s speech may have been stronger, but that wasn’t the case. She quickly wiped her eyes when she saw Discord poof up a glass of champagne and raise it in the air. Ponies that had drink glasses in their hooves or magic raised them up as well. 

“Twilight,” Discord said as he held his glass higher in the air, “you’ve done so much for so many before Thirty. I can’t even begin to imagine what you’re going to do for the next thirty years. You’re an amazing friend to have, and I’ll always be thankful for that second chance that allowed me to find love,” his gaze traveled to a splotch of pink among the crowd, “and the best friends a draconequus could ask for. Happy birthday.”

“Happy birthday!” the whole room rumbled at the volume the crowd cheered. 

Discord threw his head back as he downed the actual glass, leaving the actual champagne floating in a non-existent container before he tossed it aside where it exploded in a blast of confetti. “Now how about a few words from the birthday mare herself?” Discord asked the crowd. He was answered with even louder cheers and a sea of nodding heads.

A different reaction took place from various spots in the room. At the table Flash and Cadance stood at, their eyes widened in horror. “No, no, no, no, no, no, no!” Cadance sputtered at a speed that Pinkie would envy. “What’s he doing? What’s he doing? What’s he doing?!?” 

Discord snapped his claws once again, and the spotlight returned, this time, traveling around the room until it landed on Twilight. 

Flash had a similar frightened look as Cadance, with near equally widened eyes. “We never told Discord,” he breathed in realization. 

“Huh?” Cadance asked. 

“He doesn’t know.” He drove his hooves into his windblown blue mane. “Holy crap, we never told him! He doesn’t know.” Whether it was his protective guard or coltfriend nature, Flash sprung forward, sprinting toward Twilight right before his inner thoughts told him how weird it would look for him to be charging at her. He slowed his pace down and was actually thankful the lights were dimmed very well down. He reached a dazed Twilight in a struggled trot, now sharing the spotlight with her.

“Oooh, is he gonna do it?”

Cadance looked to her side to see multiple Discords spreaded throughout the room, some with foam paws and claws gesturing number one. One of the Discords wore a crazed blonde wig and held a claw drawn… paw drawn… some kind of forelimb drawn banner reading “F + T”.

It took one moment for Flash to realize he was now standing in the spotlight with a room full of ponies who were probably wondering why he suddenly showed up by Twilight’s side during what was supposed to be her moment. 

Silence loomed over the entire room like a storm cloud. Wherever he looked, Flash saw at least one other who knew why a sudden speech was not the best, if not the worst idea for Twilight right now. He charged in without a plan, and now he was by his drunk marefriend without any idea on how to get them out of this. 

“Say words!” one of the Discords called out, unknowingly adding pressure to an already stressed Flash. 

The purple hoof that touched one of his forelimbs usually brought him a sense of relief and ease, and for a second, it did, at least until Flash got a glimpse of the lazy smile and somewhat lost eyes still on Twilight’s face. “I got this,” Twilight said.

Completely unconvinced, Flash tried to counter. “Twilight, I really don’t think—”

She started to limply push him aside, smiling all the while and unsure in her steps. “I got this.”

Flash looked around and got no help from the others about what he should do. They actually looked more confused than he did. He knew leaving her alone right now could end in disaster, but not letting her say anything would just raise questions she’d have to answer. 

“I got this,” Twilight said again, the slur in her words not as noticeable as an hour or so ago.

Uneasily, Flash backed away to give Twilight the full spotlight. He made his way back and stood next to Cadance who looked just as nervous as he felt. “She says she’s got this.” His ability to trust those words sunk even lower when Twilight wobbled slightly as she tried to clear her throat. When she stood straight once again, he noticed she was straining to look focused and not like a deer in the cartlights. 

“A few words, huh?” Twilight started, the slur gone, but for how long? “Well, first, I want to thank everypony for coming, and my friends for putting this whole thing together.” Said friends waved back with strained smiles they were glad nopony else could see. “And, um… I’d like to say thanks to Discord for that great speech.” All of the Discords waved back in one fashion or another, one even yelling out praise for Twilight. “And, um… what else can I say? Except that…” she stopped and put a hoof to her head before she started to sway a little as she stood. “Except that…” Under the spotlight, the smile that crept on her lips was only amplified. 

Cadance had started biting on her hoof. Flash’s wings had stuck to his side as if they were scared to look. The rest of Twilight’s friends and family had done similar actions, each afraid of what the pony under the light was going to say or do next.

Laugh, apparently, was the next thing Twilight did. She broke into a fit of giggles before she threw the hoof on her head in the air. “Except that I’m DRUNK!” 

Gasps sounded off all over the room. In the crowd, Shining Armor and Night Light slapped a hoof to their faces and Twilight Velvet drew hers over her eyes. “Tell me when it’s over,” she said. 

Twilight continued her sporadic giggles, the ruse to look sober, flimsy as it was to begin with, dropped like her inhibitions at the moment. “That’s right everypony. You’re Princess of Friendship is blitzed off her ass! And I don’t care! And do you know why?” She let the silence hold only for a second. “Because I’m not gonna worry about crap today!” she said with a twirl of her body that nearly sent her tumbling to the ground. “Because I worry way too much! And over what? I don’t even remember anymore!” 

The guests varied in their reactions. Some were stock still at seeing royalty behave in such a way, others just stood and waited to see what else a princess could say in a drunken rant, and some barely restrained their laughter and enjoyment at the spectacle in front of them. 

“But that’s fine!” Twilight went on. “Because I am a grown mare! I wanna get drunk, I’m gonna! I wanna make out with my coltfriend in the street, I will!” That one got some looks aimed at a certain stallion who was doing his best to try and make himself invisible. “I wanna dance, I’m gonna dance.” Twilight started doing something with her legs that nopony would dare call dancing. Whatever it was, it made Twilight look like a limp pool noodle about to flop over at any moment. “I… don’t… CARE!” Twilight screamed out as she continued her insult to the art of dance. 

“How bad is it?” Velvet asked her husband. 

“Just keep your eyes closed, honey,” Night Light said. 

“And I’ll say another thing,” Twilight said after coming to a stop in her “dance”. Her horn lit up and a shaky aura of magic surrounded an open champagne bottle from a nearby table. With shaky control, Twilight brought the bottle to her mouth. “My party! I’m Thirty! Not gonna worry! I’ll go crazy if I want to! Don’t care anymore!” Just like that, she downed the bottle like it was nothing. “Woo!” Once the bottle left her mouth, Twilight smashed it against the floor in a clatter of glass.

“Twilight.” Sometime in Twilight’s episode, Flash had made his way to her and got Discord to kill the spotlight. She collapsed into his hooves on the first step she tried to take.

“Heeeeeey, Flashy. How ya been?” 

It was like carrying sacks of potatoes that had been at a New Year’s party. Flash struggled to keep Twilight standing, grunting as he tried to pull her back up. She ended up clambering to her hooves while basically pulling on Flash’s face. 

“Thaaaaaanks, Flash.” Once she was steady, she brought her face to his in a very uncomfortable closeness for the stallion. “I love you so much.” Flash had to fight the urge to retreat from the strong stench of alcohol on Twilight’s breath, especially when she blew a small burp in his face. “Sorry,” she laughed as she swung off his face and clung to his side to keep from falling. She was swinging more than before and couldn’t keep still, and the stench that still lingered, Flash realized had an acidic smell to it. 

“Twilight,” Flash asked, keeping his eyes steady on Twilight and keeping his face a distance from her, “are you okay?” 

“Yeeeaaaah, why?” She let one hoof drop and held onto him with the other, looking at the ground as the floor continued to spin in her vision. A gurgling started up, and Twilight kept wobbling.

“Seriously, Twilight, are you okay?”

“You worry too much, Flash,” she brushed him off as her grip tightened slightly. “But, hey, if I were to puke on you, what side would suck less?” 

Caught off guard by that, Flash just stood and kept Twilight hoisted up. “What?”  He never got  an answer. 

First, he saw her turn with a speed he never knew was possible. Next, he heard the nauseating retching that even made him feel sick. Finally, he felt, and smelt, the mostly liquid and partly chunky remains of whatever was in Twilight’s stomach spew all over his shoulder and the floor in a horrendous *SPLAT. He didn’t want to look. If he did, he knew he’d have something similar spew out of him as well.

All over the room, ponies held their breaths after a collective gasp. A deep cutting silence surrounded the room. Twilight Velvet dared to move her hoof away from her eyes, but Night Light gently kept them in place. 

Once the first wave was done, Twilight staggered back up to somewhat meet eyes with her coltfriend. “You’re so good to me, you know that?” And then she went for the same side of him again as the retching started up again. 

*BLLLLEEEECCCCHHHH!


***



Present Day



***


Some of them kept silent, some of them tried to show some restraint in their enjoyment of the story, and other were merciless. Spike, Rainbow Dash, and Scootaloo fell under the latter as they were on the floor howling away in their recount of Twilight’s birthday. 

Twilight sat on her haunches, trying to keep her face straight and neutral. Underneath the facade, rage burned like a blitz of flames ready to engulf worlds. 

“Ah, c’mon, Twi,” Spike said through struggled breaths of air, “it’s funny!”

“Yeah, Twilight,” Dash started to say once the ache in her side subdued. “For how hammered you were, I’m surprised that was all that happened.” 

Twilight let a bit of her rage out in a long and aggravated groan. “UGGGHHH!” It wasn’t like she was one to not find humor when looking at things in hindsight, but that day and night in particular was not exactly in her top ten days she wanted to remember list. She should know, she added and dropped quite a few days on that list within the years.

Of the ponies that actually contained themselves, Rarity stepped toward Twilight and rested a hoof on her shoulder. “Come now, Twilight. It may not have been your… proudest moment…” Despite her word choice, Rarity still saw the daggers in Twilight’s eyes. “... but it wasn’t a complete disaster. You did get something quite lovely the morning after.” 

And just like the puke that was washed off of her coat and feathers the morning after that particular birthday, Twilight’s anger flowed out of her as a true and reminiscent smile began to grace her features.


***



The Morning After Twilight's Party
	


***


When the first crack of sunlight innocently peaked through the heavily drawn curtains of Twilight’s bedroom, it unknowingly triggered a series of pain to set off in the princess’s head. At that first crack of light, Twilight’s eyes cracked open only to shut back closed. First, there was the little burning in her eyes from the new light against previously covered eyes, then came what was like a nail being driven into her head then slammed with a mallet.

Twilight groaned in neat agony as she grasped her head with both hooves and clenched her eyes even tighter, doing nothing to alleviate the storm in her head. 

A flower pot to the head. An anvil to the head. A loaded cart to the head. A piano to the head. Right now, she’d rather have that and more land on her head and it be over with, than what she was going through now. Every little movement, every little sound, even the rustling of her covers sent a new wave of knives jabbing at her skull. She wanted to just throw the covers over her head to block the sunlight, but that required movement and more noise from the covers. If she didn’t, then the sunlight still pelting her face would continue its assault on her, mercilessly adding to the ever growing pain in her head.

“Aaannnnnnnnngh!” Just groaning brought pain, but it was all she wanted to do. As if Equestria itself was planning her demise in just the span of her first few moments awake, the door had to open with its squeaking hinges.

Multiple voices saying “Hey, Twilight,” all reached her ears, and she recognized them as her friends, but she also realized that  just hearing their voices was like interference in a mic blasting through speakers. 

She groaned again. “Nnnnngh, guys, not so loud.”

Everypony saw she had her head in her hooves and the covers halfway between covering her and thrown aside. They each whispered their apologies, ultimately just causing Twilight more pain. In an unspoken agreement, they sent Fluttershy to the front of the group. 

“Oh, goodness. Are you okay Twilight?” Fluttershy asked in a gentle whisper Twilight could actually listen to without feeling like her head was about to splice open. 

“Nnngh, I don’t know,” Twilight answered. Talking made her notice the unbearable dryness in her mouth. She smacked her lips together, trying to salivate, only to get a taste of something acidic. “Why does my mouth taste like vomit?” 

“You don’t remember?”

“Remember what?”

Even hungover, Twilight still managed to see the nervous reaction Fluttershy had; the glint in her eyes, the step she took back, and the apologetic curve of her lips. She also noticed Fluttershy wasn’t looking at her, but off to the other side of the bed. Twilight turned to see nothing there, until she looked further down at the bed. Ignoring the sunlight piercing her eyes and stinging her head, she saw a chair seated by the end of her rather large bed. Sitting in the chair, asleep, Flash Sentry was snoozing in an uncomfortable looking position. She also got to see his jacket, half of it hanging on the edge of a trashcan. Even from where she sat, she could smell the awful odor from the trashcan, and it smelled just like her mouth tasted. With some new anxiety and fear, Twilight returned her look on Fluttershy. “Fluttershy, what happened yesterday?”

After a little hesitation, Fluttershy asked, “You don’t remember anything?”

Instead of just holding her head, Twilight began to rub her temples, trying to concentrate despite the thick haze in her memory. With a little more though, the haze got lighter. “I remember… ugh, it was my birthday, I remember a party, and something about a hole.” She got that far on her list before her head began to throb again. 

“That’s all you remember?”

“Yeah, why?” Twilight saw the looks her friends gave one another, as if debating whether or not they should say anything. Of course, her being her, Twilight wasn’t going to be left without answers. “Guys, what else happened?” 

Fluttershy looked back at the others before making a light trot back to them. Twilight heard them whispering various arguments. 

“You tell her.”

“I can’t.”

“She’s gotta find out some time.”

“You do it.”

“I’m not doing it.” 

“Guys!” Twilight said over their whispers. “Sitting right here! Ow!” She grabbed her head and winced. By far, this was the worst hangover yet. 

She heard a loud sigh and claws scrap against the carpet. Spike had stepped forward. “Uh, Twi,” he said with a claw grabbing the back of his neck. “Do you at least remember what happened before the party?”

Her fuzzy memories came slowly, but they still came. “I went out with you, Rarity, Mom, Dad, Shining… aaaaaand…” the memory started to reshape itself; disguises, neon, a unicorn stallion, and, “... Cadance!” Most of it came flooding back; her freakout in town, the emergency teleport, and the bar Cadance took her too. All of it was a little too much on her already aching head. “I remember her taking me to this bar… but I only had one or two drinks.” It was her belief at least, but the questioning looks from her friends made her start to doubt that possibility. Which would explain why everything after the trip to the bar was one big blur. 

“Suuuuuure, and Cadance told me it was just to get you to relax a little.” 

“Yeah?”

Tell her now and get it over with. It was old advice Spike tended to stick by when dealing with Twilight. Sometimes there was just no room for sugarcoating. “Well, it began like that, and then middle, middle, middle, and then you showed up drunk to your surprise party, went on a rant, puked on Flash, and then passed out on the floor, the end.”

Twilight’s eyes stayed wide open for nopony knew how long. It was as if her body completely shut down right then and there while her mind raced. In her head, the events of the past night came at her like a sledge hammer. The pain in her head went ignored as images flashed in Twilight’s head; the rant, the wobbling, the retching, oh, sweet Celestia and Luna, the retching, and worst of all, who she did it on.

“No,” Twilight groaned before she slumped on her bed. She picked her head up off the pillow and slammed it back onto the fluffy surface, wishing it were a wall instead as she kept banging her head into the pillow. “No, no, no, no, no! Why? Why? Why?” 

Unsure whether to intervene or not, the others just stood back and let Twilight vent into the pillows. After a minute or so of awkward standing, Twilight finally finished her moment and just sunk into her bed. Her head was turned away from her friends and towards the last bit of darkness the curtains casted. If she let her eyes wander, she could just make out Flash still knocked out on the chair, and a small little box on the ledge of the large glass window.  

It hit her like a jolt, the sight of the little box. Even hungover, she could fill in the spaces as to what that little box was and what it was supposed to be used for, and she hated that out of all the times to not be analytical about things, being hungover still wasn’t one of those times for her. 

“Guys, what’s that by the window?” Call it desperation, but Twilight clung to the tiny shred of hope that she didn’t just ruin the combined seventh attempt last night. That that little box taunting her at the window wasn’t what should have been on her horn or on her wings six tries ago and that she didn’t ruin whatever Flash was trying to plan for her… again. Her friends’ silence was all the answer she needed to know that the little box was what it was, and that everything it meant had been ruined by her.

Twilight found herself in the pillows once again, moaning out her despair. “Uggggh, why? Ahhh, my head! Uggggghn!” A few moments more, Twilight was left head-first in her pillows. 

“Twilight?” Rarity said, stepping forward. “It really wasn’t that bad.” She was lying, she knew, but at this point, she was willing to try anything to lift her friend’s spirit up. She got no response, just an eyeful of a mare festering in her own frustration and pity. “Twilight?”

One by one, the rest of the group called her name, each getting no response from her. It wasn’t until she felt a little guilt for shutting her friends out that Twilight finally crawled up from her bed and looked at each of her friends in the eye. “Guys,” she said after a sigh and a little moan, “thanks for checking up on me, really. It means a lot, but right now, I just really want to be alone. At least until my head finally stops feeling like its trying to crawl out of my skull.” 

Spike and the rest of the girls looked at each other briefly before they gave small smiles to Twilight. “Okay, Twi,” Spike said as he, along with the others, started towards the door. “We’ll be back in about an hour to see how you’re doin’. Just take some aspirin and get some rest, okay?”

Her face back in the pillow, Twilight weakly waved her hoof and groaned what sounded like “okay”. Spike made sure to close the door as quietly as he could when he and the others were out the door. Twilight heard the click of the door, and that was the last sound she heard before she was left in a room of silence, save for the quiet snores from the stallion in the chair. 

Sleep the day off. It was the only plan Twilight had at the moment. Sleep the aftereffects of everything from the previous night, try to forget about it later on, and just get on with life and hope that the eighth time will be the charm. She would later curse herself for thinking about the latter. 

While sleep was the only thing she craved, it was as far out of reach as the relief for her hangover seemed  even after taking some aspirin. Incapable of succumbing to sleep, Twilight spent the next few minutes tossing and turning in her bed. When that did nothing but wake her even more, she took to staring at the ceiling and walls. If anything, seeing no movement whatsoever relieved some of the throbbing in her head, but even she grew tired of just staring. She sat up and just let her eyes roam around, until they landed on that little box in by the window. 

Her eyes narrowed. That stupid little box, and everything it meant and brought on her and Flash. All the effort gone to waste, all the trouble it caused, and all the planning and time wasted for just one gesture the two of them already knew would lead to. She kept staring daggers into it. “You,” she said venomously. Her getting drunk, passing out, puking on Flash, all of it stemmed from her worries that dealt with that little box and what it kept cheating her and Flash out of. If the box was animate, she knew it would be laughing at her, taunting and beckoning her to see what would happen on try number eight. 

“Not again.” Twilight stepped out of bed, all haziness gone and replaced with a sudden drive. She came to the ledge of the window Flash was by, making sure to make her hoofsteps loud, and swiped the box of the ledge. She was going to get the last laugh… word… whatever it is the box, she resolved, would not have against her. She turned to Flash and gave him a light shake. “Flash.”

He stirred, but grudgingly. His eyes opened and closed multiple times before he gave a big yawn. “Do I need to get another bucket?”

Deciding not to delve into what he meant by that, even though she had an idea, Twilight just called his name again. Once he wiped the grogginess out of his eyes, Flash saw Twilight at his level and the open box with the ring inside. He questioned if this was a dream or not, but the smell of last night’s incident told him he wasn’t. 

“Marry me.” Flash looked at her like she just went crazy… crazier. “No plans, no romance, no special day to bring it up, no extravagance.” As her list went on, Flash could hear the annoyance in her voice and knew she was thinking about the same disasters that occurred with said romance and extravagance. She was looking at him dead in the eyes. “We have tried. Celestia and Luna knows we tried! It’s not funny anymore, so please, with my mane gone wild, head pounding, completely hungover… just bucking marry me.”

Flash wasn’t gonna lie, as it happened this way, there was a lot less stress, but moreover, he was actually kind of happy, and it showed on his face. He extended a wing out, and that got a smile out of Twilight. She easily slipped it on like a band before that wing engulfed her in an embrace. “We really should’ve done it like this five tries ago,” Flash said, not even bothering to contain his laugh. 

Now Twilight was beaming. She pounced on him, taking him right off his chair and onto the floor where she smacked her lips right onto her new fiance. Flash immediately returned the kiss, admittingly tasting the vomit from last night, but for Twilight’s sake, didn’t bring it up. 

For Twilight, it was like a huge weight was finally listed off her and tossed off a cliff. No more plans, no more possibilities of screwing up something like that again, and no more stress. To go from how she felt just a few minutes ago to this, it was otherworldly for her. It was something that couldn’t be described. She nearly forgot she was still hungover, but her body didn’t. All the motion she just did, the sounds it made, the banging in her head, it all came back full force along with something else. 

Gurgling sounded when Flash and Twilight parted lips. Flash looked up to see Twilight’s face contort. “Twilight? Are you—” That was as far as he got before she lurched forward, her eyes wide, mouth open, and the retching started up again. 

*BLLLLEEEECCCCHHHH!


***



Present Day



***


Back in Sugarcube Corner, everyone was all smiles after the… unique tale of how Twilight finally managed to end up with her special somepony. The band under some of her feathers was a constant reminder of the long, awkward, and humiliating road that in the end was completely worth it. 

“I think yours takes the weirdest birthday award, Twilight,” Scootaloo said, cutting the moment short.

Twilight turned to the orange pegasus with a cocked eyebrow. “What about Pinkie’s?”

Everypony’s eyes went to said pink mare who busied herself at the dessert table. “Hmmm?” she asked with a beard of frosting when she saw their looks. 

Spike was the first to break the topic. “Do you remember your birthday, Pinkie?”

“Uh, duh!” Pinkie finished licking her frosting beard off her face before rejoining the group. “It was on a Tuesday 36 years ago. My Mom was on the bed and my Dad and sisters held her hooves as the doctor kept telling her to push. A few hours later I—”

“Wrong birthday, Pinkie,” Spike said with a slap to his face. “I meant your thirtieth.” 

“Oh! Well that’s a completely different story. We were all back in Ponyville…”