//------------------------------// // 4) Cry Me a River // Story: The Conversion Bureau - The Return of the King // by Dan_s Comments //------------------------------// The Conversion Bureau - The Return of the King Cry Me a River by Dan's Comments Disclaimer: My Little Ponies is the property of Hasbro, Inc. Godzilla is the property of Toho Company Ltd.         The city of Canterlot lay glowing under the great semispherical shield. That suits me fine, I thought, Shields work both ways, and can keep things in as well as keep them out. Less I can accidently step on.         The lanes and avenues leading up to and surrounding the base of the mountain were empty. Either from the earliness of the hour, or a determined evacuation. Either one left the path empty for my approach to the base of the mountain. All good. Better to get in, and get out of here. ------------------------------         Celestia stood with Luna, her ministers and generals atop the ramparts of Canterlot's great gates. She exulted as the creature approached and showed no attempt to climb the mountain and gain access to the city. "It knows that it cannot penetrate our defenses."         Celestia frowned as Discord appeared beside the two Pony Sisters. "Feeling a little shell shocked?" he asked, and recoiled from Luna's haggard and hunted expression. "I see you heard all about him." Discord giggled and rubbed his hands together. "Did anyone tell you what a good burrower he is?"         "How do you know that?" Luna demanded as she turned to face Discord.         "Oh, I had them screen a film festival for me before the end. I actually think the Rhomboid Burr version was quite respectful," Discord said and put a pipe in his mouth.         Celestia glared at Discord blowing bubbles. "What did you say about him being a burrower?"         "Well, there were some arguments about it. But he wasn't really a burrower, but she definitely was. Hmm." Discord paused and scratched his chin. "Never thought of that. I guess Twillg Squarkle will have to get some ooze to test if he's a he, a she, or a them." He shrugged. "But in the meantime."         Canterlot shook gently beneath them. Celestia's eyes went wide as all the others began looking at the ground and pavement beneath them.         "You didn't armor the floor. Now, did you?" Discord asked. His laughter at the Diarchs' horrified expressions grated, as the feeling of stone being ground away vibrated under their hooves. "Maybe you can surrender." ------------------------------         The message cut into the mountain in letters nearly as tall as I was, was simple. 'No kill I'. Both a request not to waste time and resources attempting to kill me, and a promise I won't start the killing, I thought, Then what will cause consternation. I began carving, 'A new human homeland. Leave from Los Pegasus.' I carved a date three month's in the future. Enough time to sell businesses, say good-byes and buy supplies. Then I signed my name in Japanese Hiragana. I sighed and under it I added 'a.k.a. Godzilla'. I'd almost written 'nee Godzilla' but that would have been too obscure a joke.         I stood, stretched and proceeded to head away from the city. The farther I got before sunrise, the better off everyone would be. I could move a lot faster since I had my previous footsteps to use to retrace my steps. Unless some moron climbed down inside them to examine them. But I'd cross that bridge when I came to it.         I was deep in thought about what would happen if more than the few thousand I planned on decided to emigrate, when some idiot shot me in the head. I ignored it, despite the power of the spell bolt. I had discovered that while I consumed radiation, magic here was essentially radiation. So some Duffus has basically assaulted me with cake. What was Voltaire's prayer? 'O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous.' Seems I got my prayer answered too.         The second shot was just irritating. Somebody had too much time on their hands, hooves, whatever. I turned back to see just who was shooting, and a third shot in the face made it clear someone needed a lesson in the difference between being unwilling to hurt someone, and being unwilling to defend yourself. Hit the person, allow yourself to be hit, or take the stick away.         The shiny shield was impressive, but I could probably blast through it. That would send entirely the wrong message. And I didn't want them to know about my trump card just yet, I thought and looked over the defenses again, But you let all the water run out. Someone flunked 'Siege 101'. If you have an impenetrable defense, you don't make holes in it.         One of the cascades of water was easy enough for me to reach the outlet of, and conveniently near the palace and all those guards in their Corinthian helmets and hasta spears. Ye gods. I walked over towards it and saw a huge collections of peacocks in pony form. All those majestic ponies trying to look fierce and resolute in their baroque, bemedalled armor. I recognized Celestia, and Luna. Discord was the only one who seemed to be taking me seriously. Odd, the mightiest among them was the more concerned.         He's smarter than I gave him credit for, I thought. I took a deep breath. ------------------------------         "My shield will hold, even against his breath. Even a dozen dragons could not broach our defenses," Celestia informed her ministers and generals who watched the creature approach. She glared at Luna who seemed to want to take cover behind a merlon. Discord had a foot-and-a-half thick slab of metal armor in front of himself, clearly labeled as 'Plot Armor', and was cowering behind it.         "I don't think you can be sure of that," Discord said.         "I can," Celestia said and looked at the stupid animal looking for a way in.         "Like your solar beam was supposed to kill him? All three times?" Discord asked and began stuffing cotton in his ears.         Celestia glared at him and looked out at the pathetic beast who seemed so fascinated by the waterfall. ------------------------------         Another thing about super shields, you really should make them sound dampers, Right up against the opening, I let off a full-throated roar that went on, and on and on. The cascade vaporized, filling Fortress Snowglobe with fog. I saw the shockwave race out of the cascade's aqueduct and rebound repeatedly off the shield. I saw all those proud, pony soldiers drop to the ground clutching their ears, and I saw the Princess Luna faint and Discord's shield wall melt and the cotton he'd stuffed in his ears blow out so Her Solar Highness wound up wearing the earwax-laden, smoldering cotton mass draped over her head.         Said Diarch stood straight and tall, glaring at me the entire time, while her mane and tail whipped in the resulting wind driven by my continuing roar. After a long interval, I stopped. I heard the roar echoing off the mountains in the distance. I was rather surprised I could hear anything at all after that outpouring of noise.         The echoes still rang within their fishbowl, although the shockwaves in the foggy air were fading, and Celestia was taking my defiance very personally it seemed. It'll be a lot worse when she realizes I blew her entire mane and tail off, I thought, Too bad for her.         I turned back and walked toward the sea, using my old footsteps as a guide. No one was investigating the foot prints. The sun didn't seem to be rising, I wonder why? So I had more time in the darkness to get back to the coast and 'home'. ------------------------------         Discord plunged his still smoldering ears in the stream of water that was refilling the aqueduct, creating a greater depth of steam in the vicinity. He glanced at Celestia, giving the hairy eyeball to the creature slowly retreating into the darkness. He held his ears near his mouth. "Testing one, fish, electroplate, testing one, fish, electroplate." He shrugged and placed his ears back on.         "Sister! Your mane!" Luna cried.         "Doesn't Celestia continuing to stare make her look ferocious?" Discord asked.         "Sister! Your tail!" Luna shouted.         "Doesn't Celestia continuing to stare make her look ferocious?" Discord shouted.         "What?" Luna asked, putting a hoof to her ear, "I can't hear you."         "Thought so," Discord whispered, and waved a paw in front of Celestia. When she didn't react, he poked her in the shoulder. When she fell over, Discord shrugged and told Luna, "Thought so."         "What?" Luna shouted.         "Oh, that joke is going to get old real quick," Discord said.