//------------------------------// // Prologue: Equestrian Antics // Story: The Dimensional Traveler's Guide To Rainbows, And Other Troubles // by benxlabs //------------------------------// Once upon a time, there was a useless, pathetic, crybaby cliche "human in Equestria" protagonist. He was so insignificant, so negligible, that he was never named a single time during the entire story. But regardless, here is the continuation of his story. Prologue: Equestrian Antics "Wake up, you knucklehead!" It was way too early in the morning for this. For the past month, my daily wake up call has been determined by some combination of "wake up" with some random creative insult tacked onto the end. "Just give me five more minutes..." I focused all of my rather lackluster determination in order to try and delay the inevitable. Unfortunately, the inevitable was rather closer than I thought it was. I was helpless to resist as my blanket of warmth and protection was ruthlessly ripped away. Moments later, rays of golden sunshine poured through the window, promptly blinding me. As the ultraviolet radiation slowly worked itself into the cells of my body, penetrating my eyelids and possibly causing minuscule changes in my DNA, the last recesses of sleep finally faded and my mind was at last able to function at an acceptable level. When I opened my eyes, before me was standing pure evil. She was a Pegasus, but not the kind that you've heard of in legends. After all, I don't think Medusa shot rainbows out of her neck when her head got chopped off. But that's exactly what was standing before me. Her mane, unkempt and flowing, captured the essence of the rainbow: natural beauty. Her slim but muscular body radiated with power and confidence. Do I think she's beautiful? Yes. Do I hate her? Yes. After all, she, for some reason, has taken it upon herself to become my personal tormentor. She says she's trying to be a good friend, but do friends break into your house to brutally wake you up in the morning, force you to feed them, then coerce you into doing a multitude of favors for them on a daily basis? Well anyways, life in Ponyville was both peaceful and hectic in its own way. It was Equestria after all: it was the peaceful utopia that so many had tried to create but failed in my world. There were no wars, and when some evil villain appeared he was always defeated without fail. In other worlds, history was perhaps written by the victor, but in Equestria, history was written by the righteous. Despite the lack of major conflict, rather annoying, persistent problems still pestered me and refused to relent. One of these problems was a certain Pegasus that seemed to think my home was her home. By the time I got downstairs, Rainbow Dash was already sitting at the table, napkin around her neck and fork in hand. Putting a hoof on my forehead, I resisted the murderous impulses that were racing through my mind. A great man once told me that you should count to 10 before you speak if you are angry, and 100 if you are very angry. I counted to 101. Heading to the fridge, I popped it open to find that there were only apples left, albeit rather delicious and juicy apples fresh from Applejack's farm. I grabbed the biggest one, lifted it to my mouth, turned around, and saw her face. She was smiling with a combination of expectancy and a hint of stupid amusement. I tried to bite down, I wanted to make her mad. I wanted to get back at her, for all those agonizing mornings. But I couldn't. I couldn't bite into the apple, I could only stand there awkwardly with the apple in my hand. With a growl of disgust, I tossed my prize at her. She caught it with a smirk and asked: "What, you're not gonna cut it up for me? What kind of host are you?" I retorted back at her while searching for another apple of acceptable size: "Would you like a glass of water with that too, ma'am? What do I look like to you?" To my surprise and annoyance, she just laughed her usual laugh. "Bwahahahaha! Good one!" She had to slam the table a few times before she calmed down. When she did, she put on her serious face and said to me : "Don't forget, today's the Solstice Ceremony. The Princess will want us at Canterlot by noon. It'll take us a while to walk there, so I guess it's time to hit the road, huh?" And indeed, I hit the road. Quite literally. Even though it's already been about a month since that fateful night when I was sent to Equestria, I still haven't quite gotten used to my new body. Although that reminds me, I haven't introduced myself, have I? Well, there's not much to say when I think about it. I've been turned into a Pegasus. I have a black mane, and a weird blue-gray colored coat. My most defining feature is the lack of a feature. I don't have a cutie mark. Never did, never will, apparently. My eyes are brown, but that's not what I actually look like. I was going to be a sophomore in high school, so I was probably around 16 or 17. I do have black hair, but my eyes are blue, strangely enough. I came from a noble family, a perfectionist family. My family allowed no mistakes, and I was their vessel to keep the green stuff flowing when they were old and rickety. Of course, I hated it. Eventually, all of my frustration and anger towards life boiled over and in a fit of pathetic weakness I ended up trying to kill myself. Keyword: try. Instead of becoming fertilizer, I was polymorphed into a supernatural being and thrust into a land of sunshine and rainbows. It was a curious fate, and perhaps worse than death for I was no longer human, and suffered from some kind of slow memory loss. But in some ways it was the best thing that could have happened to me. I was free from my bonds, free from the tyranny of perfectionism, and free to do whatever I pleased, after I convinced the citizens of the town that I wasn't insane for saying that I used to be some mythical creature known as a human. After some disastrous shenanigans ensued due to a certain Lord of Chaos, normal life resumed in Ponyville, albeit with one more citizen. Me. So now I'm making my way up to Canterlot, struggling to keep my balance using this four-legged locomotion. It's not easy suddenly becoming a pegasus, but sometimes you gotta hit the ground flying, and hope you don't next time. I sauntered alongside Rainbow Dash, who was cleary frustrated with my pace. She gave me flying lessons on most days of the week, but learning how to walk properly was up to me. She let out an exasperated "Come on, come on! We're gonna be late!" before deciding that I wasn't going to "come on, come on" any time soon. So, instead, she hooked her arms under mine, and before I could react, dragged me into the sky kicking and flailing. I looked down and gulped. The ground was getting further and further, and with it my confidence. "H-h-hey, RD, um, like, could you let me down? I don't really, um, like being so high up.." I tried to convince her to release me, but the wind blew away my words. Higher and higher, faster and faster, we soared through the sky, until we broke the cloud layer. What I saw took my breath away. Above the clouds, above all of civilization, was another world of wonder and majesty. I looked around and saw a perfect cerulean blue for miles in every direction. The clouds below us floated by, and for once, I was glad to have Rainbow Dash by my side. "Wow." was all I could muster after taking in the cloudscape. A beautiful silence resonated as my word faded, broken only occasionally by the soft flutter of Rainbow Dash's wings. I could stay here forever, just gliding above the clouds. But we had a schedule to follow, and time was running short. My makeshift helicarrier began vertical descent, reaching terminal velocity in little over three seconds. The dive was exhilarating in its own sense. As the world twisted and distorted until it became only blue and white streaks, I felt a strange euphoria. I couldn't feel the wind, I couldn't feel the cold, all I felt were the corners of my mouth turning upwards into a huge beaming smile. And then I laughed. I don't know why, but life just suddenly seemed so amazingly funny, and so amazingly beautiful that the laugh just came. And it didn't stop. It didn't stop until we touched down in Canterlot, but even after I stopped laughing my smile didn't fade. The Solstice Ceremony is a celebration of the Summer Solstice. It's the day that the Sun is closest to us. Although the Sun is controlled to some degree by Celestia, it does waver in its distance. And because the Sun is obviously some kind of cesspool of pure magical energy, the Summer Solstice is also the day that magic is strongest in Equestria. Ponies used to cast all these ridiculously overpowered and imbalanced spells on the Summer Solstice, so Celestia invited all the skilled magic users in the land to Canterlot during the Summer Solstice, partly to liven up the celebration, but mostly so she could keep an eye on all of them and make sure they didn't do anything stupid. Everywhere I looked, there were unicorns boasting about their most recent magical exploit, whether it be transmuting wood into gold without losing a limb, or creating a spell that could enable sustained flight. Using magic during the ceremony was strictly forbidden, and for a good reason. Although the close proximity of the Sun allowed for the casting of spells normally impossible to even fathom, the massive amount of energy available was a double-edged sword. Having access to energy and controlling energy are completely separate things. Magic can destroy as well as create, and if you lose control of a spell of massive proportions, the repercussions could affect all of Equestria. But I didn't really care. There had been something on my mind since I learned about the ceremony. I had dismissed it with disgust at first, but it gradually dominated my mind until I could think of nothing else. I had to find Celestia. I found Princess Celestia in the hallways of the palace. I knew that it was a rather ridiculous request, but I couldn't stop myself from asking. "Is there any way for me to become human again? Or go back to my world?" Celestia gazed at me, and there was a long moment of awkward silence. She locked eyes with me, and asked me in a near-whisper: "Think carefully. Is that what you really want?" Her response surprised me. I was under the impression that there was absolutely no way for me to return to the land that I originally sought to escape from. I thought about this morning. Flying with Rainbow Dash had shown me the joys of flying. The euphoria that I felt was something that I couldn't just forget. I've made incredible friends, and we've been through so much together. Do I really want to go back? But I don't belong here. I'm no happy-go-lucky pony like everyone else is. I found this land through an act of hatred, and that hatred almost destroyed everything: my friends, all the land, my soul. I have no talent. If I had never shown my accursed face in Ponyville, they would have been able to continue their blissful lives, saved from the pain and suffering that we had to go through in order to save Equestria. I myself was the cause of a great amount of pain, for I allowed myself to be corrupted by disharmony. I regret the things I said, and the things I almost did, for I know they hurt my friends in a place that could not heal. Even my body knows it does not belong in this blessed land. My blank flank is proof of my incompatibility with Equestria. I don't belong. I sighed. It was a sad and hollow sound. Even before I opened my mouth, I knew that she knew what I was going to say. "Celestia...I've thought about it,and...I think it's best for everyone if I disappeared from Equestria. I'm no hero, and I've brought nothing but disaster. I'm a liability, and I can't do things that others find natural. I don't belong here. I'm sure they'll be happier without me dragging them down." Celestia looked at me again, this time with sad, downcast eyes. "Normally, there are no spells that can transport beings to entirely different dimensions, but because you are not of this land, a spell to transport you to your home would suffice. The massive distance still poses a problem, but the Solstice Celebration provides the magical power for a spell of this magnitude. But that is why you asked me today, is it not?" I nodded silently. Then I added, softly : "Don't tell them. Let them enjoy the celebration." Celestia took me to the very top of the palace. Here, we were as close to the sun as we could get without flying. The Alicorn Princess flapped her wings and hovered in the air. From here, the sun indeed seemed to have a magical aura. When Celestia channeled her magic, I felt myself rising up with her. I slowly floated into the sky, enveloped in a magical bubble. I gazed at the land which had been my home for the last month. This would be the last I would see of it forever. I would never see my new friends again. Never again would I laugh and smile with my friends over a cup of sweet apple cider. Never again would I be able to spend a quiet afternoon reading in the town library. Never again would I be able to have polite conversation over a dainty tea-party. Never again would I struggle through grueling flight lessons. Never again would Rainbow Dash wake me up in the morning. Never again would I mutter curses as I cooked breakfast for two. A solitary tear trickled down my cheek. Celestia's magic was intensifying. Even to me, a Pegasus, I could sense the magic pulses she was emitting. The Sun seemed to resonate with her, pulsating with energy in unison with her magic. The Sun beat like a heart, and let off waves of energy every time it pulsed. The energy seemed to grow in power every time, until I could feel the heat from one particularly strong wave. But the magic was getting out of control. It was increasing in power too quickly, too suddenly. I saw Celestia with her eyes closed. She was clearly exerting as much control as she could, but it was hard to slow the magic down. There was so much raw power that even a Princess couldn't control it. Then, in front of my disbelieving eyes, a massive solar flare launched towards us. The wave of terrifying energy hit Celestia first, and her eyes shot open. Her eyes had become the color of the solar flare and were emitting light. But with self-control and a force of will so strong that it could bend the cosmos, she used her last reserves of energy to change the wave of energy. Instead of a burning wave of destruction, it became a soft white light that engulfed everything. It wasn't hot. In fact, it felt cool to the touch and seemed to wipe away all tension from my body. I felt as if I had become a floating consciousness, amid a sea of white. I wasn't alone though. Amid the vast nothingness, I sensed thousands, millions of other consciousnesses all crying out in unison. Even among the millions of others, something, or someone's mind, brushed against me with a brashness and fearlessness that could only come from one pony. Then darkness closed in and I knew no more.