Once more the darkness cleared, and Ironside found himself lying on the bank of the river, soaked from mane to hooves. He struggled to open his eyes, feeling water from the river flow into them whenever he lifted his eyelids. He slowly brought one hoof to his face and wiped his eyes, lifting himself up into a seated position as he did. He heard the grass rustle as somepony trotted up beside him. That somepony happened to be Twilight, who sat herself down next to Ironside. Iron shifted his eyes to the right but refused to turn his head in the same direction to look at her.
The events that had transpired inside his mind impacted him profoundly. The weeps of those close to him still rang clear as a bell in his ears. Despite being brought back to consciousness, he seemed to still be stuck within the confines of the nightmare. Trixie, Roadkill, and Shining Armor stood behind him, waiting to see if he would even react to Twilight’s presence beside him. “Ironside,” said Twilight softly. The engineer lowered his head in response. “Ironside, do you understand why I did that to you?” asked Twilight. Ironside nodded in reply, but he still did not say anything. The three ponies standing behind them switched their gazes between Ironside and Twilight, expecting the engineer to verbally respond to the princess, but he still would not.
“Why?” The question was so short, yet so strong.
It took Ironside some time to figure out a suitable answer, but in the end the engineer answered with, “Why what?”
“Why do you think those things?” asked Twilight, “Why are you always contemplating suicide? Why are you so preoccupied with death? Why do you think so poorly of yourself?” Ironside turned his eyes to her, then back down to the grass. Never before had anypony actually asked him any of these questions. He always assumed that, like him, they had accepted his morbid mind as simply part of his personality. He honestly did not know what to say.
“I don’t know,” he said shaking his head.
“Don’t give me that, Alex,” said Twilight in reply, “You do know why.”
“You can’t read my mind, Twilight,” he retorted, “Don’t assume that you know what I know.”
“Actually, I can read your mind, and I know that there’s an answer to my question in there,” she countered. Ironside took a deep breath and tried to conjure up the answer Twilight claimed she sensed in his mind. He let his memories play through his brain, good and bad, before finding the answer to her question.
“Do you ever feel worthless, Twilight? Do you ever think that your existence has no special purpose?” he asked.
“There are times when I’ve felt like a failure,” she answered, “But no, I’ve never felt worthless.”
“Well, I do,” said the engineer.
“But there’s no reason to,” retorted Twilight, “You’ve got a great job, you’re very well-paid…” She looked back at the three ponies sitting behind them. “…and you’ve got friends. Isn’t that enough to make you feel like you’re worth something?” To her surprise, he shook his head. “Wait, what?” she asked. Ironside sighed.
“Honestly, Twi, there are times when I consider myself more of an acquaintance than a friend to you.” He finally lifted up his head and turned it toward her. His eyes beheld a shocked expression on the princess’s face.
“Why wouldn’t you think of yourself as my friend?” she asked incredulously, “It’s not like I’ve only known you for a week or two.”
“When was the last time we talked; like, we sat down and had a meaningful conversation with each other?” asked Ironside. Twilight lowered her chin onto her hoof as she tried to remember. It was indeed a long time since the two of them spent actual quality time together.
“Maybe a few days before you left,” she answered, “But I don’t exactly remember.”
“My point exactly,” said Ironside, “You spend time with the girls almost every day, and Spike lives with you. No one can ever deny that the seven of you are very close. The same can’t be said for me. You girls will probably only see me once a couple of weeks or something.”
“That’s only because you’re so busy, Ironside,” replied Twilight, “I know you spend a lot of time on the rails, but that’s your job. And besides, you’ve got 2398, Hildegard, and Mike. Don’t you ever talk to them about your feelings?”
“I try not to,” said the engineer, “I have to keep my mind focused on what I’m doing in the cab. If I get distracted, I might slip up and cause an accident.”
“Well, I still think you should talk to somepony about how you feel,” said Twilight, “If you keep your feelings all pent up inside you, then yeah, you’re going to start feeling suicidal or like you’re a burden to others.”
“I don’t think you quite got what I said, Twi,” replied Ironside, “I don’t have somepony to talk to. I just spent a whole year on my own without even hearing a word about you girls aside from you becoming a princess and spending some time in the human world, or whatever that was about.”
“What about M?” asked Twilight, “Didn’t you ever talk to her about your feelings when you had some free time?”
“Once or twice,” answered Iron, “But then I felt like she didn’t want to hear anymore from me. And I think that goes for everyone else.”
“What do you mean?” asked Twilight.
“After a while, all I’m going to sound like is an attention whore. I honestly think that once you tell someone about how you feel, then you shouldn’t tell them anymore, because then it gets repetitive and folks stop caring,” said Iron.
“And then things like what I just showed you happen,” countered Twilight. She turned her head to look at the three ponies standing behind her and then returned her gaze to Ironside. “That’s how we would all have reacted if you had actually taken your life,” she said.
“Even Tenuta?” asked Ironside.
“Yes, especially her,” replied the princess.
“How would you know that? She hasn’t seen me in years. She still thinks I’m dead.”
“Princess Luna helped me with that one.”
"I see..."
“And Iron, what about Luna?” Twilight then asked, “I know Tenuta is your closest friend, but Luna’s a very close second.”
Ironside sighed. “I know, but she has a whole country to rule alongside Celestia. We don’t speak to each other that much.”
“But you know she’d be shattered if you killed yourself, and Celestia too,” said Twilight, “It doesn’t matter that you barely talk to either one that much. It doesn’t matter that they’re immortal and have had to watch so many ponies before them pass away, they would feel just as hurt as we would.”
Ironside let the events in his dream play through his mind once more. He remembered how sorry he felt when he saw the reactions of his friends to his death. The reactions of Luna and Celestia stuck out in particular. “The princesses…were their reactions genuine too?”
“I put them into a deep sleep to experience your death in a dream. I can assure you those tears would’ve been real.”
“You used Sombra’s magic, huh?”
“Yeah…”
There followed a long silence. Trixie, Roadkill, and Shining Armor looked at each other with uncertainty.
“I’m sorry, Twilight,” said Ironside. Twilight turned her head toward him. “I’m really sorry. I’m such a train wreck. I hope you understand why I hate myself and I want to die. I don’t want to put you through what I just saw, but at the same time, I feel like I’m nothing but a bother to you all. I mean, what kind of a friend puts his friends through so much trouble? Why do you even try to deal with me and all my problems? Why bother caring for a pony like me? What good am I to you?”
Twilight grabbed him by the shoulders and held him right in front of her. “You’re not a bother Ironside; you’re a truly wonderful pony. You have issues, I know. Who doesn’t? You have a big heart, and it doesn’t deserve to have a knife shoved through it. There’s a lot of love inside you, and I consider myself very lucky to have felt that love.” Here she embraced him tighter than she ever had. Ironside felt the words on his tongue, and he didn’t hesitate to let them out.
“I love you, Twilight,” he said as he hugged her in return.
“I love you too, Ironside,” she replied.
“No matter what happens?”
“No matter what happens.”
Trixie looked over at Roadkill. “Are you crying?” she asked softly upon seeing him wipe his eyes.
“Maybe,” he said with a sniff. Trixie smiled and pat him on the shoulder.
“There’s nothing wrong with that,” she assured him.
Twilight slackened her arms a bit so she could look Ironside in the eye, but kept them wrapped around her friend. “Everypony wants you back, Iron. The girls miss you, Spike misses you, the Princesses miss you, and your engines miss you. And Gallow…” Ironside’s ears perked up when he heard the little filly’s name.
“What is it? Is she alright?” he asked in a concerned voice.
“I can’t believe I forgot to mention her…” said Twilight.
“What happened?” asked the engineer.
“She’s been building a special coffin for you,” answered the princess, “It’s the same one you saw in your dream.”
“Holy shit…”
“She’s been spending so much time working on that thing. I mean, it’s very ornate, and she did a great job…” Twilight realized that she was getting off topic. “She had a bad nightmare in which you jumped in front of a train in front of all of us,” she explained, “And she was so strongly affected by it that that coffin became her obsession.”
“I don’t get it,” said Ironside, “Why would she put so much time and effort into something like that? I didn’t exactly give her a heartfelt parting gift.”
“Remember what Gallow said at your funeral?” asked Twilight, “‘Friends forgive each other’? She meant that. She means that still. What she’s spent all that time doing is a sign that she still cares about you. She hasn’t given up on the friendship that ties you two together. You have to come back with us.” Iron looked up at M and Huck sitting on the bridge behind them.
“But…I can’t just leave M behind,” he said softly, “I promised I’d stay with her.”
“It’s okay, Iron, you don’t have to stay here with me. I don’t want to hold you back from returning to Ponyville,” M replied, “Besides, I’m not alone anymore. I’ve got my brother with me now.” Iron smiled a bit. He was glad that she had Huck back with her, but he felt pained that they might not see each other anymore. M read his thoughts. “I’d like you to visit sometimes, you know,” she said, “I’m not asking you to leave for good.”
“Well, as long as I don’t get killed on the job, we’ll see what transpires,” he said.
“So you’ll come back with us?” asked Twilight.
Iron turned and smiled at her. “Yes.”
Ironside slowly backed M into her stall. He stepped down and trotted over to her front. “Well, I guess this is goodbye,” he said with a sigh.
“Goodbye, but not farewell,” the Mudhen replied.
“We’ll see,” the engineer said a bit darkly, “There’s always a chance my job will kill me.”
“This had better not be farewell,” M answered in a serious tone, “Don’t you die on me.”
Iron smiled. “I’ll try not to.” He climbed onto her pilot and brushed himself against her smokebox. She puffed a warm cloud of steam around him.
“Take care of yourself, Alex,” she said softly.
“You too, kiddo,” he whispered.
“I’m 90 years older than you,” said M with a bit of annoyance.
Iron chuckled. “Oh, you know what I mean.”
Twilight, Shining Armor, Ironside, and Trixie stepped inside 1015’s spacious cab. Iron stuck his head out the window. “Take care of those two, RK,” he said to Roadkill, referring to M and Huck.
“That’s the railroad’s job, not mine,” said Roadkill with a chuckle.
“Well, will they?” asked Iron.
“They took good care of Huck,” said the alicorn, “M is in good hooves.”
“Ok, good to know,” replied Iron.
“If they don’t, I’ll make them,” said Huck.
“Just don’t kill anypony,” said Trixie, “Or they’ll scrap you for sure.”
“Will I ever see you again?” asked Roadkill.
“I promised M she’d see me again someday,” replied Ironside, “The same goes for you.” Roadkill smiled.
“Take of yourself, you train nut,” he said.
“You too, you psychopath,” said Iron. Twilight blew 1015’s whistle three times, pulled the Johnson bar back to full reverse, released the brakes, and cracked the throttle. 1015 slowly backed out of the yard and onto the abandoned line. Trixie and Ironside waved goodbye to Roadkill, M, and Huck as 1015 accelerated backwards towards Silverton and home.