He laughs uncontrollably, and Measured smiles wickedly, apparently saving the information for either future blackmail or usage on her own time.
“This is what you get!” I say with a smile as I wiggle my hand about.
Eventually, he tries to tap out, wheeze out Uncle, all that good stuff that is him essentially pleading for mercy against the power of fingers.
“You, shall not pass!” I yell as I set him down on the floor and tickle him with both hands.
“Measured, help me out will you?” I ask her.
She merely smiles and waves me on with a hoof. “No no, go ahead. If I’m to do the same one day, I need to observe your fingers in action, and this is a great testing environment.”
“Mhm, let’s begin class, I used to own both horses, cats dogs chickens and the like, and no not horses like you’re thinking, I’m talking about the unintelligent kind, though Kraken was always friendly… Either way, see this spot?” I point on the side of his stomach.
“Ponies are very, very ticklish right here, almost all quadruples are, this is due to it being a weak spot in their natural defenses, it’s soft and easily accessible, so his brain is telling him that touching it is a nono, which is why it’s ticklish.”
I point upwards on his tummy, near his neck.
“This place is just great to scratch due to the nerve cluster.”
And finally, I point towards the slightly lower part of his stomach.
“This location is fun to play with, because due to it being close to the nether regions it’s incredibly sensitive and ticklish.”
I give her a look.
“I went to school for this schizz.”
Auric finally collapsed, taking deep breaths and barely talking. “You’re...evil…”
“I quote Fighter, I kill more men in one day than you will ever meet.”
Honestly, watching Auric just spazz about after the tickle attack just made me want to do it again…
He finally managed to gather his legs under himself and shot me the most adorable-looking death-glare. “Why. Why do I put up with you. Ever. At all.”
“Because… You know that the alternative is so much worse, and plus you seemed really tense, that’s bad for both your heart and nerves, makes it harder to think and lowers your charisma.”
He seemed ready to argue, but sighed instead. “Yeah. The whole Teridax thing has me on edge. But hey, with at least someone willing to help, it’s not so bad. What’s that song? I get by with a little help from my friends?”
“Heh, yeah, I understand… Speaking of which, do you think he’s immune to decapitation or… I shouldn’t even suggest this, it’s bad even for me… But if it truly goes awful and you’re… Killed off, there’s a type of plague that can be released…”
I level my eyes with him.
“I can release a plague that will effect everything, it’s honestly the one thing even I dread to do, it will affect animals, sapient beings, trees, plants, robots. It will wipe all sapient life from the planet, if not all life. So I’m saying this now, if you do, I will avenge you, if all hope is lost however… I’ll release it.”
Auric shook his head, though. “Just because that world has Teridax doesn’t mean we should condemn the whole damn world. Plus, there are...Things. Guardians of the Multiversal Branches. The Equestria branch has one, I think you know what She might look like. She’d not take it kindly if you just ‘wiped out’ one of her works.”
I nod my head. “I am well aware of Her, I do not believe in gods, but Guardians are another thing all together… However, that world with Teridax, does it even have hope to survive?”
He smiled softly. “And that...is the million dollar question. If not for us, we wouldn’t even be on the path to an answer.”
I sigh and look around, hoping that I’ll spot something…
Ah, there it is, salt and pepper.
I move over and grab the two and set them down on the table.
“Okay, the teacup is us, the black one is Teri-whatever because I’m slightly racist, the white is his army, this is what we’ll do, firstly I can probably sneak around pretty well, and if he’s able to sense emotion he’ll notice something weird about me, namely I have none.”
I give him a look.
“Hate was the last I had, it was ripped recently, so now i’m just empty following my own path of justice.”
I place a piece of sugar to represent me.
“This is what i’ll do, I will make a napalm mix, make a ritualistic symbol with it, and light it on fire. Here’s for hoping that some kind of giant evil demigod queen will come out of the ground and smash him.”
I slam my fist down on the table, breaking the pepper thingy.
“Sorry about that.”
Auric shrugged. “Okay, and what about this idea instead? What if you were to find some of his soldiers, capture one, and experiment on it to find out all its weaknesses? From there, you could make strategies to take on Teridax himself. After all, I doubt you went after your Cel’s father without a plan.”
I give him one of those looks.
“This was basically my plan about Sol; Step one, walk into the throne room. Step two, blow it up, step three, kill Sol as quickly as I can while he’s still surprised.”
He shakes his head. “No idea as to how would be the fastest, most efficient way to do that? Dear, while I can understand you’re the Lady of Madness, that’s just on a whole other level of mad.”
I walk up to him, go down on one knee and grab his neck, I was not going to tickle him this time.
In his ear, I hiss…
“He raped Celestia, that was the first thing I did after I found out, I went to kill him.”
His eyes widened and his jaw dropped. Whoops, broke him. Just after the warantee runs out, isn’t that always the case. I back up and resume my full height, watching him work his jaw. After a minute, he looks up at me, the anger in his eyes not quite gone yet. “Then you did what any decent being would. And I would applaud you for it, had I hands.”
“Don’t, murder is a bad thing to do most of the case, here let me give you a bit of the story…”
I take a deep breath and think back.
“It was… Two months after I found Celestia I think, I could be off key, my memory is pretty blurry… Anyways, I noticed how her… Tummy began to grow, which was weird because we were practically living just below average, anyways I managed to find a doctor who didn’t yell for the guards as soon as they saw me, then she said that Celestia was pregnant. Please mind this, you; Celestia would just classify as a child or maybe teenager, she was very young.
So, me practically going like my mother with ‘Who did this to you, you don’t even know any boys’ blablabla, anyways… So I went to kill him, and I succeeded, near a year afterwards Luna was born, I think the only reason why Celestia didn’t die was because I was constantly pumping her with the little healing magic that I knew, I looked up a few books some odd-week after that and managed to find a memory-wipe spell, I used it on Celestia so that she would not remember things like they were past the third month, I more or less acted like her guardian, I said that Luna was her sister… I think that’s why she remained sane after she had to banish Luna, it’s easier to banish your sister than your child.”
I take a deep breath and look at him.
“That’s the quick and abridged story.”
He sighs and shakes his head. “One, that’s the longest abridged story I’ve heard, two, that’s one of the sadder stories I’ve had to hear for some time. It’s only made worse by it being true where you’re from.”
His eyes lock with mine, and suddenly I can see something in them that I haven’t in some time. Fire and steel. Will and determination. Armor-boy’s serious now.
“But this time is not that time. I will not lose any friends if I can help it, I will not lose this...Battle of Understanding. None will fall if I can prevent it. Not even the Triad. True, Teridax scares me to no end, but we only fear...what we do not Understand. And the first step to understanding him is understanding the weakness of his minions, that we can try to understand his.”
“Yes, I’m just used to more hands-on approaches… Back to happier topics, you’re very fluffy.”
He shakes his head and smiles. “Part of being a pony. Now, was there anything you wanted, or have you satisfied your curiosity?”
“My curiosity is never satisfied for there is always more to know, but for the most part the fire is quelled.”
He nods and motions towards the door, and we all walk through it, ending up back on the first floor. He then turns to the door and...I’m not sure what he did, some sort of secret knock?
Whatever he did, the sigil in the middle of the floor is glowing now, and he’s walking towards it. “Coming?” He asks, just before he disappears into thin air.
Shrugging, I walk after him, vanishing as well.
Noooot sure what I was expecting to see, but I don’t think… This was it.
It was a room coated in obsidian, the entire thing was black as night, except at least night had stars in it. In one corner sat a huge mirror, it was held in a golden frame.
Oh, and it pratically radiated energy.
“I am nooot sure exactly where you are Armor Boy, because I can usually see in darkness but this place is confusing me… Either way, the Thread of that mirror is loose, you may want to fix that before it splinters, if you’ve ever worn low quality clothing, you know what I mean, a single thread loose can lead to the whole thing going in two.”
It was as well, extremely strong magical items had these… Threads, the more threads the more power, that thing was covered in them top to toe, if someone just pulled one thread… Let’s hope they’re not very caring for this planet if they do.
And then he spoke up from right behind me, cheeky git.
“That’s actually what I wanted to show you.”
Once I got my heart back under control and he’d stopped smirking, he walked up to the mirror and put a hoof on it.
“This is what I refer to as the Mirror of the Displaced. I use it to watch others, recieve and store Tokens...and lately, it’s acted far more like a looking-glass than it should have. It was formed from a regular mirror, the remnants of the energy from that Banishment, and a bit of my own blood and power over Alchemy.”
“Firstly, don’t startle me, else i’ll have to tickle you again -” I ignore his adorable death-glare. “- and secondly…” I move towards the mirror and grab the loose thread, I don’t think he can see it.
“I’m going to guess that you can’t see this thread… If I were to pull it, the entire mirror would fall apart energy-wise and explode, I think this is the cause for your concern… I can’t fix, cut or pull it without risking to wipe out the entire planet in less than a thousandth of a nanosecond, it’s too dangerous… I don’t want to know what compelled you to even make this, this… It’s most likely why it’s acting like a looking glass rather than a mirror, something messed with this, and if it did that means they can see the strings, which they shouldn’t because I had to do a lot of demonic pacts to be able to see them, or you messed up in making it.”
He rubbed the back of his head with a hoof, then got an idea and held out one of his forelegs to me. “I have a plan. Grab a hold of my leg.”
“Well, this can only end well, if you try to imbue me with Understanding I will end you.”
He shakes his head as I grab on just above the knee. “Touch my hoof to me.”
“Bloody mongrel… Still, I’ve seen The Void Eternal and That Which Fills It, and I have seen far worse things than that.”
I grab onto his hoof.
Just as I complete the circuit, I can almost hear his brain working at this carefully. “Now what I want you to do is make sure you aren’t touching the hoof, just the leg, let the knowledge you gained be at the forefront of your mind, and say the key word. If I’m right...it might work. You might have to use it in a sentence related to said knowledge. If this works, I’ll be forced to see what you’ve seen, and will know how to see this thread you talked about.”
I nod and touch just above his hoof, a sentence I never thought I would ever form, and think about the threads.
“The Threads of Life bind us all, The Threads of Death divide us all, The Threads of Magic seperate us all, The Threads of Hate drives us all, The Threads of Greed end us all, The Threads of Love bring us all. The Threads of All, Understand us all.”
That was when his eyes glowed white and his mouth dropped open in a silent scream as his body went rigid. The hoof I had been closest to flashed once as I finished my sentence, and it appeared the bloody blade had done as asked. Not sure if that was a good thing or not…
Measured gulped and looked from Auric to me. “He’ll be okay...right?”
Whatever he did, it actually took a toll from me as well, so gasping for breath I managed to squeeze out “Yeah… He’ll probably be alright, when he visisted me… Last time, he jumped… Between his armor body… And another, that I made for him. He’s a fighter.”
She slowly nodded. “If you...say so.”
At around that moment, he fell to the ground, limp as a rag, but breathing heavily.
I look at him as a devilish idea starts forming in my head, walking up to his limp body I move my mouth to his stomach, took a deep breath… And blew the largest raspberry I could on his gut. Measured giggled slightly, but the pony was still out of it. It’s less fun when you don’t get a reaction.
“Measured… Can you bring me some pepper and a few grains of salt? And a bag of ice? I’ve seen ponies pass out from magic overloads before, but he just absorbed a bit of my madness, so this should work…”
Just as she neared with the pepper, I saw his eyelids begin to twitch open.
“Quickly Measured, I want to do this before he wakes up.”
She came back with the salt, I sighed and shrugged.
“Oh well, it works just as well…” I open his mouth with one first, and pour half of all the salt into his lower lip, you know the place where it hurts like a mofo? Yeah, that place.
He springs up and starts trying everything to spit it out, to no avail. “AaaaGH! Alice! Why would you do this?!”
“It’s the easiest way to make sure that there’s no magical feedback, if you shock the mind awake through pain rather than shock, sure there’s plenty of shock there, but the magic is going to try and numb the pain instead of trying to store itself in places it shouldn’t. Trust me, I had to treat magical feedback a few times.”
Aww, that adorable death-glare again! I never get tired of seeing it. “Or you just felt like inflicting pain on me, seeing as how that wasn’t a magical-feedback coma.”
I give him a very serious look and sigh.
“You don’t know how my magic works, it’s imbued with my madness, trust me you do not want to risk getting that stored in places it shouldn’t, it’s like pouring hot sauce all over your already spicy food, then tabasco.”
I sigh and look at him.
“And stop with that glare before you give me a heart-attack from adorableness, wherein I will haunt you with bellyrubs.”
Measured giggled and Auric shifted his gaze to her before shaking his head and muttering under his breath. The mirror catches his eye as he does so, though, and he slowly walks up to it.
“Astonishing. So that’s what you see.”
I nod and look over the mirror, there’s colours within names on the strings and some are as thick as my arm while other are thinner than my hair.
“You do not want to mess with this mirror, if you had used too much power on this, hell only a teeny tiny bit more than you did? It would have exploded, see all the thin lines? Those are the weak spots, don’t take a hatchet to it when the world hangs in balance on a small string, hm?”
He draws closer and looks at the thin threads. “I know of those names. They’re the ones I haven’t formed any sort of real bond or connection with. I merely know of them. And yet, now the power from their Tokens is an integral part of the Mirror.”
I nod and pull out my Vorpal Sword, looking over the edge.
“This mirror is… Strange, it can’t be cut by claw or steel, but the Vorpal Blade is technically a fragment of my madness taken physical form, I do not want to risk cutting it, however…” I look above Auric to the thin strings going all over his body.
“Can I try and cut the string to one of your legs? It should momentarily go numb before your body repairs the damage, much like nanobots.”
He almost shoots the glare at me again before he directs it elsewhere. “When did I become the lab-rat...And why would this test be helpful to you anyways?”
I pull a lamp out of my hat and hold it over my head, shining brightly. I then throw it somewhere.
“You see, if I can cut the magic away from a being without having to hit them, shouldn’t it be so much easier to actually weaken them? That’s the thing I’m thinking about, if I can weaken their initial magic so much that they’re unable to move, wouldn’t it be easier to fight? Honestly, the only reason I haven’t tried it with ponies back home is due to their low magic, and the damage could be permanent if you can’t repair it, however, your body is far beyond powerful enough to repair it without any concern…”
I shake my head and punch myself with my left.
“Sorry for that, I have this weird mad scientist mode, wherein I basically go like that, strange, it’s usually a lot harder for me to shift like that… Guess it was just that interesting?”
Auric smiled a bit at that. “Like I hadn’t noticed when we first met. So long as you make it fast, then I’m willing to let you try once. Then I’m going to look into fixing this mirror.”
I almost squee, but settle at an extremely large smile, that’s when I rememberd that I have canines instead of normal teeth…
Oh well.
I walk up to his read and study each leg, each individual thread carefully…
“Alright, from what I get the colour that looks more vibrant than blue but more glowing than pink and is closest to yellow means the initial magic…”
I lift my Vorpal Blade and pick at it “Hmmm…”
I swiftly cut through the Threads in one smooth motion, nearly instantly they started trying to fix themselves, I look down over to Auric.
“How’ya feelin’?”
“A bit numb, it’s like the leg just fell asleep and is waking up again.”
“Aaaalright, now if you were let’s say… An unicorn, average unicorn that is, you would most likely suffer permanent damage and possibly loose a bit of your magic, also a thing about the threads… When you start seeing them, you can’t stop. Do you have any idea how hard it is to look at enchanted objects?”
“Probably no harder than it is to see the Djinn in this world. Okay. So...which would be the right way? Slowly taking the weakest threads out, or strengthing them?” Auric turned back to the mirror and eyed the thin threads carefully.
“I would suggest strengthening the weakest Threads… However, in case it breaks then the explosion will be all the more devestating.”
I shrugged and look at the mirror. Auric’s eyes followed the loose thread that I had mentioned. “And...your suggestion for dealing with that?”
“Well, depends, how much do you enjoy this tower?”
Auric’s eyes widened. “It’s...kinda my Alicorn...and everything bunker.”
“Hmmm… Well, when in doubt always follow the rule of thumb ‘Don’t cut the red wire.’ While I personally don’t care much if this entire place goes sky-high like Konata, I would rather it not happening in a way that I may be connected with it…”
And then he smirked. “Or while you’re in it, I’m sure. After all, it’s all fine and dandy to say you can’t die, but pain is another matter entirely. Plus, I’m sure stress-testing that would be something less than a walk in the park.”
“Well, that confirms it, I’ve completely gone bonkers, I seriously thought I was dreaming when I saw you in pony form, but only in my wildest dreams do Celestia fight in top hats, wait, what were we talking about?”
Auric rolled his eyes and sighed before replying. “I think you’ve stared at it too long, miss Lady of Madness. Now, if you’d be so kind. What would be the best way to secure that loose thread? A gem of some sort, another thing to tie it all together? I’d rather not leave it floating free where anything could pull it.”
“Hm, well… Don’t tell anyone about this, but you don’t exist, wait sorry wrong line - When the water runs red, wait schizze I can’t bloody think all of a sudden. Don’t tell anyone, but I can strengthen the weakened ones without risking blowing the planet out of orbit, I won’t promise that it’ll be strong… It’s as Adam Sandlers or whatever he’s called used to say, ‘I reject your reality and substitute my own’, y’know?”
The Alchemist turned pony smirked. “Savage, and so long as Alice doesn’t like big boom, I think I’ll manage.”
“Sooo… Want me to simply strengthen the weak ones, or cut them without blowing it up?”
The pony looks to the threads and smiles softly. “All ties are precious, even the weakest ones. I may never see Typhon again, but that doesn’t mean what little energy there is in there deserves to be cut. The same can be said of the Twins...or of your card. Strengthen the bonds, if you’d be so kind.”
“Alright…” I looked at the weakest one and tried to figure out it’s connection to the rest, it honestly looked like a child had eaten too much glue or something.
“Damnations, Auric, don’t look, if you try to sneak a peek I’ll know, I’ll cut your tongue out and replace your penis with it, trust me when I say I can.”
He blinked a few times at that before replying in a very forcibly calm manner. “Noted. And for the record, I think you’ve just redefined oral sex forever.”
“Mhm, very interesting, for further notice, when I tell you to look away, it either involved explosions, forbidden magic, murder, more explosions, Michael Bay, or all at the same time.”
Auric replied while staring stoicly at his most fascinating wall. “So, what, are you talking Dungeons and Dragons as directed by Mr. Bay, or do you honestly think that if you make a mistake fixing my Mirror, it’ll drag that abomination of movie directing from our homes to here?”
“Dungeons and Dragons? I used to play that as a child… Never stuck around for edition four… Anyways, do you have a very sharp clean object capable of penetrating scales somewhere?”
Auric held a hoof up to his face. “Eh...used to. But it’s sorta...not around anymore. And if your Blade is still a part of you, all you should have to do is focus on pulling it out of a sheathe, and you should have it again. At least, that’s how Pinkie explains the basics of Cannonspace 101.”
“Interesting, but I’d rather not pull a sword out of my cunt, think of the Latin word for Vagina.”
“Yeah, no thanks. I’ve read a few books by Mr. Brown. I know where you’re going with this. Frankly, you don’t need to use a part of your anatomy as a reference point save for your hand. But...I think the other part is imagining it was...always there? She gets away from me at that point.”
I hmmd and started nicking at the strings with my fingers, the bloody things just went right through, so instead I bit into my hand until it drew blood and used that to move the threads.
“Of course it was always there, you just don’t up and suddenly gain an ability, you’ve always had it, just didn’t notice it, don’t you think it’s weird that we got powers we actually were able to wield instead of… I don’t know, laughing really loudly? You’ve always had this, even as a human.” I winced as I cut my finger on a small thread “Damnations, who is this guy, and why can’t I edit it? The others went just fine, but this one… I think this is either you, or another whom Understands.”
At this, he sighed. “Yeah, I know of that. It seems to be popping out of the goddamn woodwork, like a termite infestation. Too bad I can’t just spray the damn Multiverse with insecticide and be done with it. Those who claim to Understand like me...I either pity them, for mortal man was not meant to comprehend all the beauty and terror in existence, or I loathe them, because they are the most tenacious buggers out there, and seem to see me as some sort of target needing to be knocked down a few pegs. So far, I know of Teridax. There could be others that I just...don’t know about yet.”
“Well, I can’t fix this, but in theory if you manage to rebind all the energy around that one thread, you can cut it, I can’t do anything to it, annoying buggar, may have to pay him a visit… Quick question though, do you think he’s weak to gay men in movies? Or old black people?”
“Frankly, if I knew any weakness of those that Understand, I’d decline to answer. Because then it could be used on me. What’s the name associated with the thread? Can you tell?”
“Uhhh… Tara… Terra? Terramorphous? That can’t be right, such a notion would be silly… Something on T… Teradirixa? Teradix? Urgh, even his name sounds queer, this guy so got a hardon for you.” I slap one hand to my mouth when I realized that I let that slip.
“Don’t. Ever. Repeat that.” I said without looking at him.
“No need. I was already aware. Teridax, the damn guy I’m fighting. I scried his world once, because it was...well, it was an oddity in the Multiverse. Did you know he has a damn shrine to me? Worst. Scrying. Ever.”
“And you’re absolutely certain that this guy isn’t just trying to get you into bed with him?”
Unseen to me, Auric shared a quick glance with Measured Thought and smiled. “He’s too damn late for that...and soon to be too late for more, if I can find someone qualified enough...I’m leaning to Cadence, but my mind, tis a fickle thing…”
“Mhm, so you’re marrying her?” I nodded towards measured “Ain’t you a quick one? I’ve been off and on in relationships for the past… However long this has been. Oh, and speaking of which.” I turn around and clap my hands together, and out of pure bad luck it splattered all over Auric, I swear I had nothing to do with that.
…
Screw you, I blame Discord.
Anyways…
“So, wouldn’t you technically be able to legally wed yourself? I don’t know your standing in this world, but in mine, you would be a Paladin of Celestia or a Champion of Cadence, something equally silly, those can wed themselves… I’ve seen a guy wed himself with himself by being himself, it was a weird night, last thing I remember involved smoking a page from the Necronomicon, Necromonic- Fuck! Why can’t I say that word? Nec-Ro-Nom-I-Con, Necronomicon, did I even say it right? It feels like my tongue is welling up inside of my mouth.”
There was a hint of a smirk in the pony’s reply. “So long as you don’t need to say Klattu, Barada, Nikto, in order to talk, I think we’ll deal. And...I don’t serve any of the Princesses. My title as Knight of the Eclipse means one thing: I serve the idea of Balance Itself. Something which this world has sorely lacked. Something which me and Discord will have to slowly reintroduce after this.”
I remember letting out a shocked gasp-ish shriek, or well sque if you want to get technical.
“I like Discord, did I ever tell you young snapper-wipper of how I and Discord planned to eat the moon?”
Even though I couldn’t see them, I knew Auric was rolling his eyes. “I’m sure Luna enjoyed the thought of that…”
“Screw Luna, bitch’s crazy, ripped my womb out.”
And that’s how I spilled the beans and took the one fucking wrong step, whatever those threads were connected to, it was addling my mind far beyond what I enjoy.
“...I’m not going to ask. I’m not going to offer. I’m sure you’ve heard it many times, from many ponies and others over the years. But know this: So long as you want, my ‘door’ is always open, and I swear on my soul, I will not judge you.”
I sighed
“I need to learn how to shut my trap, I promised myself to not tell anyone about that, but… Something about this, I blame your mirror or whoever’s on the other side, it’s messing with my head, honestly I keep seeing you with a giraffe on your head.”
“Well, we can leave if you want if you’re done with the threads for now. Are you?”
“Yeah… I can’t do much more with ‘em. Oh, and do you like baked beans with pork? And trust me on this, even though your body has changed, your tastebuds remain the same, see these fangs?” I bared my maw and tapped each shaving sharp tooth. “I still eat fruit and vedg- Vedgte- Fuckin’... I give up, I can’t pronounce anything today, let’s see.. Anthropology, Complications, Xenoalchemists, well those seem fine, but why can’t I pronounce simple stuff?”
Auric shrugged and stood in one corner of the lab, motioning over his shoulder for me to join him. “Cause the Multiverse is anything but simple? I dunno. I’ll have to run some tests on the Mirror later, see if its leaking anything. I hope not…”
“Probably is, anyways, I’m bored, do you want baked beans and pork?”
“Actually, ever since I shifted,” and here he tapped one of the walls in a ‘shave and a haircut’ pattern, which shifted us back to the ground floor, “my tastebuds shifted as well. Possibly a side-effect of Equus itself changing me? More experimentation, then. I’ve not had meat in this body yet, but hay’s surprisingly palateable.”
“And by that he means that he eats it all two days after we restock,” Measured rejoined.
I looked at Auric with this kinda ’Bitcudidwat’ look, and I think he understood what I was thinking, I told him anyways.
“Bitcudidwat?”
“Measured pushed me into doing it. Said something about proper nutrition. I gave one piece a test, and next thing I know, plate’s empty. I’ve always had a weakness for starch.”
“That just means you’ve a big mouth with ego to follow. Anyways, Measured, you want baked beans? No pork, I promise on my rotting heart.” I checked, it is.
She slowly shakes her head. “No, the Crusaders are planning a...less...exhuberant outing for us. But feel free to make yourself at home. Come along, Auric.”
And with that, the two ponies left me in the tower, one smiling, and the other saying ‘don’t break anything!’
Don’t break anything? Don’t be silly, I would neve- Why is the stove on fire? Wait, he’s got a stove? Wait a minute, is that gas I smell I sniffed the air a few times and decided that it probably wasn’t gas, now to put the fire away from the stove, I walked up to it, sized it up and gave a command.
“You shall move from the stove without spreading, and if I catch you spreading I’ll show you what fighting fire with fire means.”
The fire just sat there for a moment, and then, there was this, I swear, giggle, and it hopped from the stove to the table.
“If you piss on the floor, I will end you.”
So naturally, it decided to spread to the refrigerator. Somehow.
It had the Threads, I could see them now that I focused, just a bunch of tense, thin threads keeping it together, I knew that it was sapient.
“I’ll bloody cut you, mate, I will cut you and devour you, I’ve done such things before.”
At that, it went back to the stove, but it was now noticably larger.
“Stay there, before I get curious. Actually… I think I got one somewhere…” I dug into my pockets, and deep in my best pocket, namely my entire arm was in there, I pulled out a small, flawless black soulgem.
“I wonder…”
I gave the being a sinister smile.
It responded by shivering and, I swear, it looked around for escape routes, before jumping for the floor and racing towards the door, leaving a trail of fire in its wake.
“... Ain’t gotta explain shit, I’m just going to put firecrackers in his food and kindly go and mess with this world’s Celestia. Kindly.”
And with that, I decided to do a flawless exit (After having put a bunch of firecrackers in his food) by slamming the hilt of my sword into the wall enough times to force a large crack.
“... He seriously did not ward it on the inside? Bah, he’s never commanded armies before, I can notice.”
I reared up and kicked the wall one final time, making a large gaping hole in the tower.
“Well, he can’t complain about the view.”
I turned around to see the small fire thing was back, and that half of the tower was now aflame.
“You know what? I don’t even have to lie for this one, I’ll be fine.” And with that, I did a backflip out of the tower, took out my sword and decided for a nice afternoon stroll in Ponyville, how did I know what it was called, you ask? There’s a large fucking sign across the street and I’ve 20/20 eyesight.
So, I set off towards the library with a real nice walk, I felt like Cool Guy reborn.