//------------------------------// // Royal Pain II: The Reckoning // Story: Love, Equestria Style // by Bluecatcinema //------------------------------// (This takes place not long after "Zebrican Safari") Another royal summit was being put together in Canterlot. Dignitaries from all over the world were expected to be in attendance A day before the summit, the royal family and royal guard were inspecting the proceedings. "Wow, you royals seem to have summits every couple of months." Caboose noted. "Didn't you all just have one two months ago?" "That summit was for all neighboring kingdoms." Celestia declared. "This summit is for kingdoms and countries all around the world. Aerovia, Minostan, Chineigh, Tokyony... I even heard that the prime minister of Bitaly is coming as well." "Oh, we know." Caboose smiled. "The Napoleons are real good friends with him." "Really? Even though you're-" Celestia started. "Mafia? Oh yes. It's important to have a powerful ally with you when running an empire... he gives us pardons and looks the other way when we go about our businesses, and we clean up his messes." Caboose revealed. "Such as?" Celestia prompted. "Oh the usual... clean up any crooks who are getting too big, keep other rival families in check, disposing of political rivals..." Caboose reeled off. "How... nice of you." Celestia smiled awkwardly. "Thanks. Just don't tell him I told you. He gets very defensive." Caboose whispered. "Duly noted." Celestia said drily. A messenger came in. "Your highness, another RSVP for you." He held up a letter. "Thank you." Celestia took the letter and opened it... and immediately frowned. "Oh no..." "Oh crud, is it anthrax?! No!" Caboose did a dramatic grab of the letter and covered it, like it was a bomb. He cringed, only for nothing to happen. "Hehe, sorry." "It's alright, Mr. Napoleon... it's just that the letter is from... an undesirable pony." Celestia declared. Luna came in. "Is everything alright?" She asked. "I heard Caboose's over-dramatized 'take an arrow' cry." "Hmph, laugh if you will, but Celestia could had been frothing from the mouth right now if this letter..." Caboose held up the letter. "...did have anthrax." "It's a letter from 'him'... Nalik-Aqqbar Royale of the kingdom of Schwartzamungaknackerhobblestan." Celestia shuddered. Caboose began laughing uncontrollably. Celestia and Luna looked at him oddly. "What?" Caboose noticed them. "It's a stupid name! Who is Nalik-Aqqbar anyway?" "A very unpleasant fellow." Luna declared. "Every time he comes here, he lords his wealth and status over everypony." "Not to mention constantly vying for my hoof in marriage." Celestia groaned, "As if I would ever consider accepting the hoof of a pony who hates Earth Ponies…" "Oh crud, he's one of those 'Unicorn supremacists' I read about in Equestria Noir?" Caboose frowned. "No…but he's rather close." Celestia growled. "Hopefully. that will end tomorrow, given that you are now married to a much more noble stallion." Luna smiled. As if on cue, Shine came in, sweating and with a towel wrapped around his neck, having just worked out with the royal guards every so often, since he was no longer cherry-bucking. "Back from your workout, I see." Celestia noted. "And I just had the servants mop the floor..." "It's a small price to pay." Shine grinned. "I know how much you love my working stallion physique." "As a princess, I am above such desires... except for in the privacy of our bedchamber, that is." Celestia tittered. "Well, I'm going to check on my little sunbeam, see ya!" Shine smirked as he walked off. As soon as he left the room, Caboose whistled. "Dang, he's got a nice flank." Celestia and Luna glanced wide-eyed at him as Caboose soon realized what he just said. "I mean, speaking from a straight stallion's point of view. Definitely prefers mares' flanks. Your flanks lookin' good by the way-why did I say that?" Caboose slapped his forehead. "Anywho…" Celestia shook her head with a smile, "With Shine as my mate, I would like to see Nalik try to propose to me now." "Man, this Nalik guy sounds wonderful." Caboose said sarcastically. "He kinda reminds me of Blueblood, though…" "Well, as it turns out, Blueblood is the only one of us that looks forward to his visits." Luna declared. "Of course, back then they were like two peas in a pod. Thank Faust Blueblood met Dusty. I don't think I could take dealing with two of them again..." "Well, let's hope he decides not to stick around long." Caboose shrugged. "Agreed." Celestia nodded. "Let's just put on our best smiles, and try to endure his presence." The next evening, the summit began. Royals and officials from all over the world were arriving en masse into the royal ballroom, with the Canterlot royals standing by to greet them, as well as Caboose as they entered. The first among them was Baron Broadbeak and Head Strong, with their offspring, Tawny and Junior. "Good to see you again, prince Shine." Broadbeak declared. "Same here." Head Strong smiled. "How's that father of yours, Big Red?" "Oh, he doing great." Shine smiled. "In fact, he and Cherry Jubilee are watching the kids. The young ones didn't feel much like attending another summit." "I don't blame 'em." Tawny groaned. "Lucky kids..." Junior agreed. More and more dignitaries came by, and were greeted. Eventually, the last arrivals came. The royals were surprised to see the familiar black suit that belonged to none other than Grimiore Napoleon. Accompanying him, in a traditional Zebrican kanga, was his recently-made wife, Zecora. "Mr. Napoleon?" Gothic rose an eyebrow, "When did you become a Prime Minister?" "I didn't." Grimm shrugged, "I am a stand-in dignitary for Mr. Cavallo should he be unable to perform his royal duties." "But why you?" Luna asked, "I mean, no offense, but I find it hard to believe that he would pick a mafia don for his stand-in." "None taken." Grimm nodded, "It's a long story…let's just say that Mr. Cavallo got into a bit of trouble involving illegal exports of a certain substance, and as gratitude for helping him cover it up, he made his trusted second in case he is unable to perform his duties." "And what of him now?" Shine asked, a bit scared to ask. "Oh, there was this thing with a carriage exploding, so he was afraid to leave his home, so he sent me instead." Grimm deadpanned, "And here I am…" "Well, it's great to see you bro." Caboose declared, "And I see you brought a plus one. Lookin' good, Missus Zecora Napoleon." "Caboose, I give you a warm greeting." Zecora smiled. "It is always nice when we are meeting." "I'm happy to see you two as well." Dusty smiled, as she hugged her father, "Still can't get over the fact that you remarried…and that you, dad, got your ear pierced." "Well, it was the only way to make the marriage binding in Zebrica." Grimm smiled, rubbing his pierced ear with a golden earring on it, as he then smiled at Zecora. "Totally worth it in the end though." "You are such a flatterer, my dear." Zecora smiled. "Makes me glad you're always near." "I still can't believe I have a new mom." Dusty smiled. "Took you long enough, dad." "Funny." Grimoire rolled his eyes. "It's great to have you in the family, Zecora." Dusty smiled. "It's great to be here, child." Zecora declared. "Feel free to call me 'mom', if it's not too wild." "Thanks... mom." Dusty beamed. "You two have a lovely time at the summit, Mr. and Mrs. Napoleon." Celestia smiled. "Thank you, your majesty." Grimm nodded, as the two bowed and made their way to the party. "And try the parfaits, they're good!" Caboose suggested after them. "Will do, little brother." Grimoire smiled, with a back wave. A courtesan announced Nalik's arrival, as fanfare occurs. "Presenting, Nalik-Aqqbar Royale of the Schwartzamungaknackerhobblestan kingdom!" He declared. Silence ensued... when a loud laugh rang out. It was Caboose laughing again. The other royals glanced at him oddly. "What?! Am I the only one who finds that name stupidly funny?!" Caboose guffawed. "Nope." Iron Hooves snickered, as he was on guard duty alongside him for the night. "I think it's hilarious!" Nalik stepped forward. He had a silvery-grey coat, a red mane, brown eyes, and a Cutie Mark of a castle turret, and his horn seemed rather polished, gleaming in the light. "That's right!" He smiled. "The wait is over! I'm here to brighten up your dreary lives! You can tell your grandkids that the great Nalik-Aqqbar Royale graced you with his presence!" The other dignitaries rolled their eyes, well-used to Nalik's ego. "Ugh, not this twit again." Head Strong groaned. "I swear, who died and made this brat the ruler of Schwartzamungaknackerhobblestan?" Broadbeak asked. Tawny and Junior laughed uproariously. Their parents glared at them. "What?" Tawny asked. "It's funny!" Nalik snatched a flute of champagne, barely acknowledging the servant offering it, and looked around. He spotted Celestia (standing next to Shine), and sauntered over to her. "Well, if it isn't the lovely Celestia." Nalik grinned. "Glad to see me? Of course you are." "Hello, Nalik." Celestia sighed. "So, will tonight be the night you finally come to your senses?" Nalik smirked. "The night you say you'll be mine? I had been awaiting your answer all these years…" "Excuse me?" Shine asked in shock. "You're excused, guard." Nalik waved his hoof. "As tempting as that may sound, Mr. Royale." Celestia sarcastically smirked. "I'll have to decline." "Oh, and what's your reason this time?" Nalik pouted. "This." Celestia gestured to Shine. "Have you met my beloved husband, Nalik?" "Your... what?!" Nalik did a double take. "Um, hi, Shine Paladin, Celestia's significant other." Shine waved. "Husband? Tell me this is a joke. Tell me that this feathered fowl hasn't defiled your temple!" Nalik said in desperation. "Not only that, Mr. Royale, but he and I had a beautiful filly together." Celestia smiled brighter, enjoying the stupefied glance on Nalik's face. "So yes… I have given myself to the 'feathered fowl'." "Wha-where did he even come from?!" Nalik spat. "Dodge Junction." Shine smirked, "Born and raised there for 25 years." "Seriously?!" Nalik said with disdain, as he glanced at Celestia. "I'm surprised at you, Celestia. You honestly settled for this chump from a back-water Earth Pony hick-town, while you left a much better suitor waiting in the wings hanging?" "What did you just say?" Shine gasped in fury. "I said I'm better then you." Nalik sneered. "Got a problem, farm boy?" "As a matter of fact, I do." Shine seethed. "Shine..." Celestia said warningly, not wanting an international incident. "Please." Nalik snorted. "Like I have anything to fear from a pigeon." Shine felt an over-whelming sense of anger boiling up inside of him. It took all of his willpower to keep his currently shaking front hooves from slugging Nalik. But before Shine could get another word out, Nalik glanced at his now empty glass. "Hold that thought." He declared, "I need a refill." Nalik trotted off, and as soon as he did… "Why that ormery piece of-" Shine growled, stomping down on the floor before he could finish his sentence. "Who does that weasel think he is?!" "Just ignore him, Shine." Celestia declared. "He isn't worth it, not like you." "Thanks, darling." Shine smiled. "You're right, as always." Meanwhile, Nalik had run into Luna and Gothic at the buffet table. "Ah, so you're married too, huh?" He smiled. "At least your husband is of a suitable pedigree." "Thanks, I guess..." Gothic said awkwardly. "I couldn't help noticing some sort of altercation between you and Shine." Luna noted. "Any problems?" "No, just a friendly exchange of opinion." Nalik waved his hoof. "Now, if you'll excuse me..." As Nalik left, he soon walked into Grimoire and Zecora. "Pardon me, friend." He told Grimoire, before noticing Zecora. "My, what an exotic companion you have." "You could say that." Grimoire declared. "If only she had a horn, she might actually be attractive." Nalik sighed, as he walked away. "Say what?!" Grimoire growled. "That little-" Zecora uttered a very rude Zebrican insult. "My thoughts exactly." Grimoire nodded. After a while, Nalik soon caught a glimpse of Blueblood. "Blueblood, how are you?!" Nalik called as he trotted over to his old friend. "Ah, Nalik." Blueblood smiled. "It's been a while." "Too long." Nalik smiled. "How are you, you old rogue?" "Can't complain." Blueblood shrugged. "Look at us." Nalik grinned. "The debonair duo, together again. Remember back in the day, when our combined good looks and charm had every mare in Canterlot swooning over us?" "Those were the days, all right." Blueblood chuckled. "Come on, let's get us some dandelion parfait and catch up." "Delighted." Nalik nodded. After enjoying some parfait, the two were approached by Caboose. "Just checking in." Caboose declared. "Everything's fine, though Celestia and the others seem rather peeved for some reason…" "Oh, Nalik, this is my personal bodyguard and uncle-in-law, Lieutenant Caboose Napoleon." Blueblood introduced him. Caboose puffed up his chest, and put on a bold smile. "Bodyguard?" Nalik sneered, unimpressed. "A little on the small side, don't you think?" Caboose frowned in offense. "Well, maybe." Blueblood admitted, a little put off. "But he has been good to me over the years. Size isn't everything you know." "Hmph, maybe I should lend you one of my guys..." Nalik did a little stomp, and two rather big guards stood aside him. Caboose drooped in shock. "Hoof-picked by yours truly, having fought in the Saddle Arabian wars, and could break a lowly Earth Pony's head in two." One guard took a watermelon and broke it in two. Caboose gulped. "Why don't we leave them to mingle for a while?" Nalik suggested. "A little guard-to-guard conversation?" "If you insist." Blueblood nodded. The two princes walked off, leaving Caboose with the two brute-like guards. "So... how're things?" Caboose asked nervously. "Ah, fair-to-middling." One guard shrugged. "You?" "Can't complain." Caboose smiled. "I got a good job, a foal on the way, a gorgeous wife... perhaps you've heard of her. Her name is Daring Do." "Daring Do?" The other guard asked. "That explorer Pegasus with all the books?" "Yep." Caboose nodded proudly. "The one with the hot flank?" The first guard grinned. "Yea-wait. What did you say about my wife?" Caboose gaped. "I said she has a hot flank." The first guard smirked. "Don't forget those great legs." The second guard chuckled. "Yeah, I wouldn't mind cuddling up to a good book with her, am I right?" The first guard elbowed his partner. "Yeah, 'cept we wouldn't be reading, if ya know what I mean." The second guard laughed. "Hey! Don't talk about my wife like that!" Caboose yelled. "Why not, shorty?" The first guard growled. "You gonna do something about it?" "Do you want to take this outside?!" Caboose spat. "Because I can take the both of you right now!" "Ya really wanna do this, kid?" The first guard snorted. "No one goes and make innuendos about my wife! Only I get to do that!" Caboose declared proudly, as he then grabbed a glass of wine from a passing by waiter and downed it… and smashed the glass on the ground, "Let's go!" "It's your funeral." The second guard sneered. They stepped into the courtyard. "Wow, what a lovely evening!" Caboose declared, while still angry. "This was a really good idea!" The first guard complimented, although still intent on kicking Caboose's flank. "This is going to be a piece of cake." The second guard whispered to the first guard. Meanwhile, Blueblood was on the balcony with Nalik, the two still chatting about old times. "Remember those two supermodels we snagged?" Nalik recalled. "Now that was a time and a half!" "So true." Blueblood recalled fondly. Soon, Dusty joined them. "There you are." She smiled at Blueblood. "I've been looking everywhere for you." "Sorry, Dusty, just catching up on old times with my friend here." Blueblood smirked, as he gestured to Nalik. "Now that's what I like to see." Nalike smiled. "A dutiful maid, ready to serve her master's every whims. Nicely done, Blueblood." "What?" Dusty glanced, "Maid?" "Um, actually, Nalik, this is my wife." Blueblood revealed. "Your what?!" Nalik gasped. "My wife." Blueblood repeated, "Dust Speck. We met a few years back. Given, she was a maid back then, but now she is my wife whom I love very much." "Oh, Blue…" Dust blushed. "But… but… she's... a commoner!" Nalik stated, flabbergasted. "Come on, Blueblood, don't mess with me. I already have to deal with the fact that Celestia was taken by a redneck chicken, but you… and this mud pony?! Please tell me this is all a big joke!" "It's not." Blueblood frowned. "And I don't like what you're implying." "I'm implying that I'm disappointed!" Nalik retorted. "Honestly, Blueblood, I expected better from you!" "Better?" Blueblood seethed. "What gives you the right to judge me?" "The Blueblood I know would never consort with an Earth Pony commoner, or any commoner for that matter!" Nalik explained. "What happened to that Blueblood?" "He grew up." Blueblood growled. "But you obviously haven't." "What?! My Faust, the rest of your filthy family had gotten to you! First those ill-deserving, commoners-posing-as-royalty fillies Twilight and Cadance, then your aunts…and now you?! What's with this family and consorting with the lower class!" "Don't you dare insult my family." Blueblood snarled. "They don't care about class. They care about what somepony's like on the inside. It was because of Dusty that I was able to shed my stuck-up, short-sighted ways, becoming not only a good husband, but a good father to our children. But you? You're still the egocentric, elitist snob you always were. It's like I'm seeing you for the very first time... and it's not a very pleasant sight." "So you think you're so better than me?" Nalik snarled. "Just because you're married to a pack mule and father to a pair of mud-rolling urchin hybrids?" "How dare you!" Blueblood lunged at Nalik, wrapping his hooves around his neck. "Gahhk!" Nalik choked. "You take that back! No pony dares insult my wife and kids!" Blueblood roared. "Nev-AH!" Nalik was about to go blue from asphyxiation. Suddenly, Grimoire showed up. "Dad?" Dusty gasped. "How did-" "I heard everything on the way up." Grimoire declared, as he pried Blueblood off Nalik. "Blueblood, stop this at once!" "Oh thank goodness..." Nalik grinned. "Your hooves aren't strong enough. Leave that to me!" Grimoire began strangling Nalik in Blueblood's place. "Oh come on!" Nalik gasped for air. "You listen to me, you stuck-up piece of crud! There is three things you never do in my presence… you don't insult my wife… you don't insult my daughter and her husband… and you sure as hay don't insult my grandsons… in fact, don't insult anypony in this family!" Grimoire threatened. "If you do, I will end your pitiful existence and throw your corpse down a hole so deep you won't know which way is up!" "Dad, stop!" Dusty tried to pull Grimoire off him. "He's not worth it!" "Dusty speaks true." Zecora joined. "Murdering this night is not good for you!" "...You're right." Grimoire dropped the prince to the floor. "You striped-mud pony lover! You can't treat me like this!" Nalik growled. "I'll have you arrested!" "No, you won't." Grimoire smiled. "Why not?" Nalik seethed, "Give me one good reason!" "How about two?" Grimoire suggested. "One, I happen to be on good terms with everypony at this party, including the two princesses, so you won't be getting sympathy from them… and two, I happen to be a very powerful pony, moreso than you know… cross me, and you might had well opened up the gate of Tartarus… and you don't want to see that." This clearly left Nalik speechless. "You... you... ugh!" Nalik stormed off... and was then slugged in the face by Shine. "That's for flirting with my woman!" Shine spat, "And if I catch you trying to court her again, I will show you how we deal with rats like you in Dodge Junction!" "AH! A bruise!" Nalik felt his face. "You filthy princess-snatcher! That does it! Guards! Guards!" "Oh, I don't think they're coming..." Caboose smiled as he arrived on the scene, a mite disheveled. "What happened to you?" Shine asked. "Let's just say…size really doesn't matter." Caboose chuckled evilly. In the courtyard, Nalik's guards lay in a bruised heap. "'Piece of cake', huh?" The first guard snapped at the second. "That's it!" Nalik said petulantly. "I'm leaving!" And with that, the pompous prince stormed off. "Is prince Nalik leaving so soon?" Celestia walked over. "Such a pity." Luna mock-pouted. "Truly a pity." Gothic nodded with her. "I don't know what I ever saw in that lout." Blueblood glared. "Good riddance, I say." "Thanks for sticking up for me, Blue." Dusty kissed Blueblood on the cheek. "What else could I have done?" Blueblood smiled. "Nopony insults the love of my life." "And nopony definitely proposes marriage to mine." Shine added. "Nice punch, by the way." Celestia smiled. "Oh, you saw that?" Shine winced. "Yes, I did." Celestia kissed him too. "It's just a shame you couldn't knock him all the way back to Schwartzamungaknackerhobblestan." Caboose, Dusty, Grimoire, and Zecora chuckled loudly. "That never gets old!" Caboose snorted. "So true, it's never old." Zecora agreed. "It's always comedy gold!" "If only that were the last we would see of Nalik." Luna sighed. "But he'll be back for future summits...." "Well, I could put a hit out on him, if you like..." Grimoire offered, "Me and my boys will do it for free and Nalik won't know what hit him." "Oh, so tempting..." Celestia sighed. "Maybe we could mark that as a possibility." "My thoughts exactly." Shine nuzzled against her. "Come on, Blue." Dusty smiled at Blueblood. "Let's go grab some of that parfait before it's all gone." "Right behind you, my love." Blueblood chuckled. "Save some for the rest of us." Shine suggested. "We all know about Celestia's sweet tooth." "Don't knock it." Celestia teased. "If not for that, I might not have married a stallion as sweet as you." "Lucky for me, huh?" Shine kissed her hoof. It had turned out to be a summit that the Equestrian royal family would never forget.