//------------------------------//
// Being Evil is Hard 
// Story: Ask Chatterjoy 
// by Chatterjoy 
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	Chatterjoy had found out that her little henchgoo was capable of turning into an unpoppable bubble, so she began to sneak around the library putting every book that had an interesting title or cover art into it's mouth. The books seemed to be unharmed when she experimented with a math book, so she took the liberty of putting more in.

"All right Mr. G.A.K I think we have enough books for now. Let us be away!" Chatterjoy silently exclaimed. She allowed Gak to hop on her back and they took off out the window. "Now all we need is to have the greatest most awesomest hideout ever! Every pony knows that a villain needs a lair. Nightmare Moon had the moon. Discord had that stone statue of himself. Sombra had that icy wilderness. Chrysalis had that beehive. So what would fit us?"

Gak gurgled something in Chatterjoy's ear. "Of course! That would be a great idea!" Chatterjoy landed by the sofa clerk. He jerked in surprise. "Civilian! I have need of four couches, a desk, and a rolly chair."

"Uh..."

"Did you not here me citizen?" Chatterjoy asked getting up into his face and looking him straight into the eye. Gak again gurgled something into Chatterjoy's ear. "Oh pardon me. Those words are used by heroes. I am a villain. You little piece of horse [buy some apples] I said I wanted four couches, a desk, and a rolly chair! What part of that did you not understand?"

The sofa clerk whimpered before getting a cart and putting everything Chatterjoy ordered onto it. "I-Is that all you will be wanting?"

"Yes. Thanks!" Chatterjoy replied with a smile. A nudge from Gak made her gasp in realization, "I mean, You are lucky that these objects please me or else I would be having you clean the dirt from my hooves! You pathetic worm!" Another nudge from Gak got her going again before she could leave the clerk, "And I want YOU to pull this cart to town square."

The sofa clerk bowed before hitching himself to the immensely heavy cart and started pulling it to the center of town. Chatterjoy's stomach growled, and she saw Berry Bunch selling some fruit. A slight gurgle from Gak told Chatterjoy everything she needed to get motivated. Motioning for the sofa clerk to stop for a moment, the pegasus marched up to Berry Punch. "Give me all your fruit!"

"They'll be 10 bits per barrel," Berry Punch replied bored.

"Oh. That's a lot of bits. I don't have that much." Gak slapped her face lightly and gurgled angrily. "Right sorry Gak. I won't pay, but you will pay dearly if you don't give me this fruit now!"

Berry Punch looked extremely annoyed. She had a hangover and didn't have time for this villain in training to be demanding stuff from her fruit stand. "If you don't have that much then leave!" She replied irritably. Chatterjoy walked backwards in shock, but turned her head away and walked away dejectedly.

"My speech level isn't high enough."

The small group finally made it town square. A few ponies were milling about, doing their everyday jobs. Chatterjoy instantly grabbed the sofas and built a massive sofa fort. The sofa clerk was flabbergasted that the pegasus could make such a building using furniture. Chatterjoy didn't stop there she grabbed the desk and later the rolly chair and began to design the inside of her fort. 

It was only one large room, but a sofa that was part of the wall was able to keep it's cushions and thus provided seating. The desk and chair were on the other side. The sofa clerk didn't know how Chatterjoy did it but somehow the pegasus had managed to put all the books she stole in the walls of the fortress, making it look very much like a bookcase.

"Come in minion, come in," Chatterjoy said happily. She had just finished applying the G.A.K. Goo to the last book to 'glue' it onto the walls. "How do you like it?" She fluttered down to hear the sofa clerk's answer better. 

"Um...it's glorious?"

"Good!" Chatterjoy replied happily. "Now all we must do is wait for our arch nemesis!"

Meanwhile, back at the library, a furious alicorn princess stood in front of her library. "First somepony messed with my lab, then somepony stole most of the fiction books? Who would do such a thing!" Twilight stomped her hoof in anger, causing the shelves and what books she had left to tumble and fall to the ground.

Doing the breathing exercises that Cadence had taught her, Twilight tried to calm down. "Think rationally. It must have been Chatterjoy. She had mysteriously disappeared after you left. She normally likes to say good bye before leaving. However, I have to get proof that it was her. She can't lie very good. I'll just ask her. If she confesses, I won't press charges."

Twilight walked out of her castle a little bit more calm then she was before. That was when she noticed the giant sofa fortress in front of her. Anger once again burning in her eyes Twilight stomped over to the fortress. She knocked on the sofa door, when the sofa clerk answered it.

"You are the culprit?" Twilight asked sceptically. She couldn't believe the sofa clerk would do this. He seemed nervous and was sweating bullets.

"I'm afraid Mistress Chatterjoy isn't back yet. Come back later Princess," he said nervously. Twilight loomed over him with a fire in her eyes. A trick she had learned from Princess Luna. Who, funny, if one should ask, had learned it from her sister. "Please," he whimpered.

"Very well then. I'll come back later," Twilight replied to the clerk. Now her suspicions had at least been confirmed. Chatterjoy was behind the theft. She saw all her books in the walls of the fortress. Now to pay her cloud home a visit. With that thought in mind, Twilight spread her wings and took off towards Chatterjoy's home.

She swiftly landed on the cloud. She knocked on the door, waiting for hopefully, Chatterjoy to answer it. Instead it was Filler. "Can I help you Your Majesty?" the undead pony asked curiously. 

"Have you seen Chatterjoy?"

"Not till she went to hang out with you Princess," Filler replied worriedly, "Is she okay?" His bones rattled nervously, as he continued to look at the growing anger of the princess. 

"She won't be when I find her!"

"What did she do?" Filler sighed.

"Messed with my experiments and stole some books."

Filler just shut the door, but called out from inside. "If she comes back, I'll send her straight to you, Your Majesty!"

Twilight sighed, but as she was about to leave, Filler came out with a secret weapon, "If things get ugly. Use this." Twilight then smiled and took the weapon within her magic aura and took off for the fortress.

The princess looked up at the fortress that Chatterjoy had made. She sighed but knocked on the cushion door once again. The sofa clerk answered and had a hopeful look in his eyes. "I'm here to talk to Chatterjoy," Twilight said with an annoyed tone in her voice.

"Come on in," the clerk replied, stepping aside to allow the princess in. Twilight nodded to him in thanks when she passed him, and she gazed around the fortress in awe. Wondering how in the heavens that Chatterjoy had managed to make it look somewhat like a library.

The pegasus herself was in the chair with her back facing the princess. As Twilight approached, Chatterjoy turned the chair around to face her, stroking the henchgoo like she would a cat. "Welcome to my fortress Princess Twilight. I have been expecting you. No one can resist my evil deeds. We can discuss a ransom."

Twilight didn't even bother glaring, as she settling with merely just staring at the pegasus. She lifted the weapon up, so that Chatterjoy could see it clearly. The reaction was what she didn't expect. Chatterjoy held up her own weapon and wiggled her eyebrows.

"Release Mini Princess Luna."

"Not until you release that first edition book on math and magic."

The two mares continued to stare at each other till Twilight had gotten an idea. She began to pull at the doll threatening to rip it apart. "Release the book or the doll gets it."

Chatterjoy retorted by setting the book down and lifting up her cup of hot chocolate, threatening to pour the hot brown liquid a top the book. The glares they gave each other became more and more heated, till Twilight pointed behind her and shouted, "Look a distraction!" When the pegasus turned to look around, the princess had grabbed her book.

"Dang foiled again." 

After the pegasus conceded defeat she helped the princess get all the books that she stole down. "I must say, Chatterjoy, how did you get the books to stick?"

"Oh that's easy! Mr. Gak can spit out this goo that acts like glue, but it comes off without leaving a mark!" Chatterjoy replied patting her gooey companion. 

Twilight had almost forgotten about the blob, "I'm sorry Chatterjoy but I have to take him. He could be a danger to everypony. I don't know what chemicals you mixed in the labs. He could be radioactive."

Chatterjoy's reaction was what was expected. "No!" she exclaimed hugging her henchgoo and giving Twilight the biggest cutest eyes that she could muster. The pegasus was holding the henchgoo tightly, and its glue like properties most likely meant that the goo wasn't leaving Chatterjoy anytime soon. "Besides I've been around him for a while and I'm perfectly fine!"

'That is something that can be debated,' Twilight thought inwardly, slightly grimacing. "Let's make a deal then. I take him, and make sure he isn't radioactive or a danger. If he is perfectly fine, I'll give him back," Twilight argued. Chatterjoy thought about this before slowly giving her consent before handing over the goo.

"You said his name was Mr. Gak?" Twilight asked after holding the creature with her magic. Chatterjoy nodded an affirmative. "I'll be sure to take care of Mr. Gak."

"Okay. Also, if he behaves badly, just yell out his full name."

"Full name?"

"Yeah! G.A.K. stands for Gooliciousnessly Awesome Kooky. Like Cookie except spelled, k-o-o-k-y. I had a friend who always called me that, though why they couldn't just call me 'cookie' was beyond me."

'Yeah, it's a mystery,' Twilight thought.