//------------------------------// // 2) Hunk of Burning Love // Story: The Conversion Bureau - The Return of the King // by Dan_s Comments //------------------------------// The Conversion Bureau - The Return of the King Hunk of Burning Love by Dan's Comments Disclaimer: My Little Ponies is the property of Hasbro, Inc. Godzilla is the property of Toho Company Ltd.         Rainbow Dash didn't know why everyone was so excited. Newfoals were always doing stupid things. Of course, they're probably pranking Princess Sparkle, she thought as she flew high over the ocean carrying nothing but a water bottle and a camera. She chuckled as she remembered Twilight's reaction that this mysterious something was in the vicinity of the ancient pony homeland. And that she couldn't do the investigating. Rainbow nearly giggled at the memory of 'overexcited Twilight' trying to fly.         The long flight had tired her out, and she knew there'd be few places to land once she arrived. But I figure I can . . . what is that? she thought as she banked slightly. The path cloven through the miles-high ice was straight as a ruler, and wide enough you could have sailed Ponyville through it without scraping the walls.         "Oh, wow," she said. Impressed by something not airborne.         A few miles in, she saw it. That thing looks like Twilight studying something, she thought of the massive creature carefully carving ice away from a building. A torrent of melt water ran down the ice-free path and several dozen buildings were clear of ice and snow, but the creature caught her eye. Not as long as some dragons, but burlier. It had no wings, and it seemed to be happily wagging its tail as it worked at freeing another building by removing the ice from the area around the building. She remembered her mission and unslung the camera. She took several shots, of the creature working, of the creature ignoring her, and of the huge building it was digging out of the ice.         That's pony property, she thought as she watched, No monster has a right to go poking around in there. She lined up down the long, ice-free corridor, and charged at her best speed. I'll show that thing who's in charge here.         She bounced off and staggered through the air. The creature completely ignored her. It kept wagging it's tail and working on the building. Well, I know how to get its attention, she thought as she maneuvered to give it a buck in the face.         She never saw the tail sweep in behind her. After it hit, she could only hear her own screaming because the sound conducted through her bones. Sky and sea tumbled over and over as she sailed through the air. The sky growing dark, the air growing cold and it getting hard to breathe as she tried to get her flight under control. Once she got her tumbling stopped, she spotted the lights of a city far below her, so she dove for it before the lack of breathable air knocked her out.         As her descent accelerated, she began realizing that her wings were not in the best condition to control her flight. ------------------------------         Princess Cadence had not expected the arrival of one of Twilight's friends through two walls and halfway through the boardroom table where the monthly budget meeting was being held. The rather battered pegasus waved a hoof as she dropped the rest of the way through the destroyed table and terrified crystal ponies ran in all directions.         "Hey Cadenza, wha'chu you doing in Los Pegasus?" the addled Rainbow asked her.         "Rainbow, this is the Crystal Empire," she told her and signaled for the guard to fetch the medics.         "Wow, I bet nopony ever flew that fast before," Rainbow said and looked around, "You don't see a camera do you?"         Cadence didn't have a chance to answer before Rainbow passed out. ------------------------------         Rainbow facehoofed and leaned forward in her hospital bed as Applejack started laughing. Not just at her awful drawing of super-lizard, but her story as a whole. The trip from the Crystal Empire's hospital to Ponyville General had been bad enough. A week unconscious in traction and another two with nothing to do but read hadn't improved her mood.         "Y'all had one job, Rainbow," Applejack said between hoots of laughter, "And ya couldn't do it."         "I didn't expect it to hit me with its tail!" she countered, then glanced at a throughly disgusted/frustrated Twilight.         The newest princess was facehoofing and shaking her head. Rainbow wasn't sure what she was mumbling, but it didn't sound happy.         Rainbow returned her gaze to Applejack, who looked ready to bust a gut to keep from laughing more. "Sugarcube, the blimp that went looking for you, no carved trail, no giant monster, no nothin'. You sure you didn't just git lost? And a little fib ta cover it?" Applejack lost it at that point.         Rainbow grumped. "I know what I saw! A giant lizard carving buildings out of the ice . . . " Rainbow's voice faded as both Applejack and Twilight's silent laughter drove home how absurd it sounded.         "Rainbow." Snerk. "The spell was." Giggle. "Supposed to make a spirit of vengeance." Snort. "Not a sandcastle monster." Twilight fell over laughing.         "I know what I saw," Rainbow folded her arms over her chest and grumped. She made the mistake of looking at the drawing and felt even more depressed. "Okay, maybe my drawing is that awful." ------------------------------         Celestia listened to the report. Fortunately, Discord had 'turned down his volume' when he'd entered the throne room unbidden, to listen to the report from the blimp captain.         "No Highnesses," the pegasus said as she stood at attention, ignoring the gawking nobles, and the draconequus looking like a snake being fried in a pan. "There was no evidence of a trench, nor of the buildings being exposed."         "Thank you," Celestia said, and glared at Discord. "Do you have anything to add?"         Discord straightened up, put on a professor's mortarboard and began discussing. After a few moments, he turned a knob on his chest. "Sorry, had the volume off. Don't you see? This is all a prank. They can't get mad, so they get funny. A big spell to attract Princeless Spackle's attention, which she'd report to you, and then the gigantic lizard hunt. And all of you going more and more crazy the less and less you find." Discord wiped away a tear. "True artistry. The very Zen of the Prank. The less they do, the more hilarious it gets. You'll all go nuts searching for something that isn't there."         "So you're saying there's nothing to this?" Celestia asked.         "That's exactly what I'm saying," Discord said.         "It is not like you to ruin someone else's joke," Princess Luna said from her place next to Celestia.         "Oh, I haven't ruined anything," Discord said, "I don't expect you to believe me. The very fact I told you how the joke works, ensures you'll just stumble into it further." Discord smiled. "Well, I have to give the news to Spackle that Rainbow Crash is pulling her leg. Sheer brilliance sending the prankster of the group to get evidence. Brilliance." Discord tied himself into a granny knot and vanished.         Celestia let out a frustrated snort. "Do we believe him that there is nothing?" she asked, "Or do we assume there is something and he's trying to mislead us?"         "Only one scout found anything, and Rainbow lost the camera and its pictures. There are no dreams in the area, so I don't know what better than hooves on the ground could tell you," Luna said.         "Even if it is there, what terrible vengeance could it be, to excavating ancient buildings?" Celestia asked, "Why not march on Canterlot and sweep the Royal Guard aside?"         "It would face us," Luna pointed out.         Both alicorns nodded. ------------------------------         Stupid arrogance, I thought as I glanced up at the hastily placed 'camouflage nets' over the town. Great sheets cut out of the ice and positioned over the excavation and the tunnel mouth. Thick enough that even the investigation by ponies, who seemed to spook at anything, hadn't broken through. Their spells also failed to penetrate deeply enough to find me.         That, and I'm the same temperature as the air in here, I thought as I looked over my handiwork. Enough buildings excavated that several thousand people could be housed. The port facilities weren't back in working order, nor were the fishing boats or cannery, but the building and equipment were there for people to make a start. The piece of me that were Third Worlders saw opulence, while the First Worlders complained of the lack of 'proper' amenities. The entire disagreement amused me. It told me that the people would survive. Harder on some than on others, but they would survive to establish a foothold.         That's what matters. Humanity will survive, I thought as I carefully walked the track back to the underwater gap in the glacier. The ground here was pressed down under my tremendous weight. Another reason I stayed to the various 'Godzilla highways' that would also continue channeling the melt run off out of the city.         Entering the sea felt vaguely like being welcomed into the home of an old friend. I swam easily, my weight buoyed up by the water. Only the vast tail moved as the rest of me rested. Speed was not paramount, but I had it in spades. My knowledge of the coastline told me where it would be most efficient to land, but I wanted to avoid the 'screaming people and destroyed cities' cliche.         I remembered the infamous 'Godzilla vs. Hedorah/Smog Monster' scene and wondered if I could actually fly in that manner. It would save time. And it would be screamingly funny, I thought and resolved to test it as soon as I made landfall away from any major sites of habitation.         Fish and other sea creatures scattered at my approach, but I felt no urge of hunger, nor had I felt a need for sleep or all but the briefest rests. The place seemed to provide me with all the sustenance and healing I required. Like a plant with water and sunlight, I guess I don't need anything else, I thought and considered several thought experiments to perform on the long hours before I made land fall.