//------------------------------// // Chapter 10 - The Good, The Bad, and The Beast // Story: The Curse of A Well-Read Man // by LeoneHaxor //------------------------------// The figure was seated in his chair, drenched in the shadows made by the drawn curtains of the office. His arms were held behind his head in a relaxed position as he reclined, his duties for the day having almost been met. All he needed was his employer to bring him the last of the paperwork he needed to approve, and he could be done. There was a knock at the door. “Come in.” Mayor Mare (who had been, until this point, on the opposite end of the door) appeared considerably excited, which was almost alarming. Usually when she got this worked up, it meant something extremely interesting had happened. And for this town, business as usual was quite a bag of interesting. “What’ve you got for me?” he asked. “Some new citizens just came in, and we need our community organizer to see to them.” He sighed and leaned back in the chair. “I thought this was going to be more interesting than some new ponies showing up,” he said, disappointment evident in his tone. She shook her head. “Never said they were ponies. And four of them arrived at once.” That got his attention. “Will I have any issue tracking them down?” “You can’t miss the one. Let’s just say you’ll know him when you see him.” Two ponies stood talking on Ponyville’s streets when they saw it. "What's that?" "I don't know. It might be Celestia in disguise again. Better play it safe." They both put on painful looking smiles and waved to the creature. It stopped for a moment, and they briefly wondered what they did wrong before it waved back. They let out the breaths they had been holding as they watched it go. One of them stopped to think about what they had just seen. “Did that thing have a face, or was there really nothing there?” His friend looked at him as if he was insane. “Of course he had a face," he deadpanned. "How else would he be drinking coffee?” The Beast walked down the streets of Ponyville as nonthreateningly as an eldritch abomination of his stature could manage. Several ponies had whispered to each other as he drew closer, and suddenly pulled the widest smiles he had seen. He stopped and stared intently at them, and they waved in a friendly manner. There is fear in their eyes, he noted. Not quite like that other time I encountered…wait a moment. You are a faceless, eight foot tall eldritch abomination, and you wonder at the sight of fear in their eyes? He waved back, and the ponies visibly relaxed. He really didn’t care about appearances, but then again, nothing good ever arose from panic. The Beast took a sip from a coffee cup as he continued on. Perhaps I should find out what kind of brew they use there. Those ponies may be an eyesore, but this is actually delicious. The Beast decided he should try to find Lee. He remembered the pink one – no, her name is Pinkie Pie, remember that – had left with him through a cactus. He was fairly certain the only Doors were those leading back to the Peisistratos, and that cactus was not one of them. But more to the point, there was something that they both needed to discuss... Lost in his thoughts, he didn’t realize there was someone in his way before they collided. Coffee spilled on the both of them, and The Beast briefly felt the urge to retaliate. What a waste…no matter, I have a spare, in any case, he reasoned. “Oh, I’m really sorry about that! Here: I’ve got some tissues in my pocket.” The Beast looked at who was standing in front of him, obliviously dabbing up the liquid from their person. “I was just going over the paperwork I have for the new arrivals, and I…” he trailed off as he took a proper look at whom he was speaking to. “Uh…I guess the Mayor wasn’t kidding,” he deadpanned. The Beast cocked his head slightly. “Have we met before?” he wondered aloud. “Who exactly are you?” The man blinked at this response. “The name’s Barack Obama,” he stated, extending his hand. “Might I ask yours?” The Beast looked at the hand and shifted his coffee into one of his branches. He ignored Obama’s surprise as he accepted the handshake. “I am known as The Beast. My apologies for bumping into you just now." Obama eyed the cups of coffee, the one considerably drained after their collision and the other in the branch. “I take it you’re not mad about your drink?” The Beast shrugged. “I regret its loss, but in any case, this second cup was intended for me.” Having said this, he drained what was left in the depleted cup and crushed it in his branch, then tossed it smoothly into a trashcan across the street. After the cup cleared the rim, it burst into flames... ...and no one except Obama seemed to notice. Obama looked from the trashcan to The Beast. “How many of you arrived here again?” “Including myself…” he began, but paused for a moment. The Beast realized that if he mentioned the ponies they arrived with, that would cause quite a number of issues – best not to mention them, then. “Three humans, a bone spider, and a Legstep.” Obama was in the middle of jotting this down on his clipboard when he stopped, frowning at the last two. “I’m guessing a bone spider is exactly what is says on the tin, but just what is a Legstep?” Bass happened to walk by at that moment, blaring a dupstep remix of “Get Lucky” while being followed by a starry eyed and drooling Vinyl Scratch. The man and the Fear watched them pass in silence. Obama turned to The Beast. “Nevermind, I’ve got the idea.” Setton had made his way back to the clearing in the Everfree, trying to find the ponies he had arrived with. He shook his head, remembering how he had acted back at the community center. I suppose that was terrible of me, leaping out of a window, but there was no way in hell I was gonna put up with that - “Yo, Setton! Are they gone yet?” Setton looked up to see Rainbow Dash waving at him from a tree branch, perched between Twilight and Scootaloo. “Yeah, it’s just me,” he confirmed. “The others got sidetracked by the locals, but they should be fine. Quick note: I really have no idea where we are, but since we weren’t outright targeted by lusty mares” – except maybe Lyra – “it’s safe to say we’re not in your story, Twilight.” The pegasi raised brows at the second portion, but Twilight brushed over this quickly. “I kind of figured that, thanks to the other me’s appearance.” She hopped to the ground, and brushed herself off. “What happened to the others, again?” she asked. Setton put his hand on his chin, and began his report. “Well, the Mane Six showed us a really short slideshow about the various species of pony and Equestria in general, but there were info gaps you could drive a truck through. Soon afterwards, Lyra walked into the room, and she gave us the look you’ve constantly given me, so I dove through a nearby window.” He stopped and studied Twilight carefully, his eyes narrowing in suspicion. “Hold on a minute, why aren’t you giving me that look right now?” he questioned slowly. Twilight had the dignity to feign innocence. “Like an opportunity to see alternate Equestrias wouldn’t interest me.” The little halo over Twilight's head snapped as she gave him a mischievous grin. “Oh, and I know your little secret.” Setton raised a brow. “Beg your pardon?” She leaned in conspiratorially. “I thought long and hard about what you said earlier, and now I know that I win in the end." Setton had a really bad feeling about this. “Earlier, when you passed out in the Rainbow Factory, I checked to make sure you hadn’t suffered any damage, so I formed a telepathic connection. While I was in there, I found a part of my story…and I couldn’t resist peeking. I managed to stop before I reached the end of the scene, because I didn’t want to spoil it. And yes, I already terminated that bond, so you won’t give it away.” Setton blanched. Yeah, this could be really bad. “What did you see?” he said in a whisper. She told him about how she saw Alfonz was bound in her library, completely at her mercy. Setton's mind raced as he calculated how deep he was in the shit. Okay, so she only saw the final part of the bonus chapter, and now believes that she wins. She doesn't seem to have learned anything else, but I'm willing to bet I know the real reason behind her stopping. If anything, it's most likely because she wants to experience that for herself - but she didn't learn that particular incident immediately ends in disaster. I'm tempted to press more about what else she had seen, but if this assumption means that she’ll stop trying to force her way into other people’s pants… Setton put on a sheepish grin. “Well, I suppose you’ll just have to let time run its course,” he said with a nervous chuckle. “All the more reason to get you home, am I right?” Before she could respond to this, he drastically changed the subject. “While we’re here, though, we may as well take a breather and figure out where we are. Maybe see the sights, meet the, er, ponies, that sort of thing. If you guys would rather do the same as opposed to just sitting here, I’m sure a quick invisibility spell could do the trick.” Rainbow Dash seemed enthusiastic about this. “Oh, yeah! And if we were invisible, think of all the pranks we could pull off, Scoots!” The pegasi looked revitalized by this prospect, and looked the happiest they had been since Setton met them. He gave Twilight a look, and she got the message. "I...guess it wouldn’t hurt if nopony saw us,” she shrugged. Her horn ignited, and the ponies slipped out of the visible spectrum. Setton turned to leave, and felt something grab him. A voice close to his ear startled him. “But don’t think for a second that you’re off the hook, Setton Stone.” I’m going to regret convincing her to turn invisible, he prophesied silently. Silias and Native Rainbow Dash had left Hay Burger, and were walking along when the pegasus noticed something. She got a glint in her eye as she raced to intercept. Silias raised a brow as he noticed her come back carrying something kicking and screaming. What the hell? It looked familiar, but it took a few moments for Silias to recognize the figure. “Silias, meet Scootaloo!” Rainbow proclaimed, oblivious to his surprise. Scootaloo, for her part, wasn’t nearly as enthusiastic, and looked extremely concerned. “Help me,” the filly mouthed to Silias, who for his part was still shocked by how young she looked. Hell’s bells, she looks young. In fact, she's way younger than the version we've started traveling with. Silias then had a sinking feeling about the situation. Hang on – she’s a pegasus, yet she looks like she has a gun to her head. She’s only high up… It was then that he noticed her wings were much too small to support her, even by pony standards. Rainbow unceremoniously dumped her, sending Scootaloo spiraling towards the ground at an alarming rate. It took Silias all of two seconds to realize why the filly wasn't slowing down. Oh, shit – she can’t fly yet. Silias dove forwards, rolled upon impact, and landed deftly in a kneeling position, the filly clutched to his chest now shivering in his grasp. Thank god I still have my reflexes, he thought in relief. He then shuddered at the memories that surfaced. Doesn’t mean I enjoyed how I was honing them, but at least I can do some good with them. Silias looked at the filly in his arms. “You okay?” he asked as her heart rate stabilized. “I’m fine, thanks to you,” Scootaloo said, half in disbelief. “Though you have no idea what I’ve been through with her.” Silias looked at her in confusion. Rainbow Dash waved a hoof in annoyance. “Okay, so the knives weren’t the best things to have messed around with, but I thought you liked spending time with the ice cream!” What. Scootaloo didn't act like it was a happy memory. “I was FROZEN SOLID!” WHAT. Silias couldn’t stop the words from coming out. “By the son of a shepherd, lady! How are you allowed to supervise children!?” Rainbow crossed her arms. “Hey, maybe I’m not the best babysitter, but I’m making an effort to get better with kids, okay? It’s so that I can get a job at this party planning place I’ve heard about.” Silias’ brow raised so far, it was lost under his hat. Pretty certain that's supposed to be Pinkie's gig (according to Setton), but why the hell not? “And where is this job you want to get, anyway?” Rainbow pulled out a pamphlet from god-knows-where, and casually handed it to him. Silias’ eyes shot open in a mix of shock and horror as he recognized the name. “The RAINBOW FACTORY?!?” Silias all but roared in horror. He looked up at Rainbow Dash, who was looking back at him in high calibers of alarm and confusion. “You’ve heard about it? What goes on in there, anyway?” she asked with an inquisitive look on her face. Silias looked between her, Scootaloo, and the pamphlet. “Listen, I know we just met and all, but trust me when I say this…you DON’T want to know. Forget you wanted to work there, burn the place to the ground, throw a truck full of insurance salesmen at the remains, and never speak of it again," he instructed with a deadly look in his eyes. Before Rainbow could press this further, Scootaloo interrupted them. “Is that Obama talking with some faceless guy?” Silias rolled his eyes. “Well, I’m fairly certain I know who one of them is, but I doubt the President’s over there with him.” “…and that is why one should always avoid being in contempt in an eldritch court of law,” concluded The Beast. “These new learnings astound me. Tell me again how Pot Noodles can be employed to prevent attacks by interdimensional monsters,” Obama asked, mystified. Silias was waving to The Beast when Rainbow Dash did something unexpected. “Yo, Obama! What’s up?” The former president’s gaze went to the pegasus, and he made his way over. Silias’ jaw dropped as he stared at Rainbow in disbelief. “You’re friends with Barack Obama,” he deadpanned. She looked at him sheepishly. “It’s a little complicated, but he’s still okay in my book.” Yeesh, I heard this pony had connections, but this is ridiculous! he thought, utterly stunned. Silias decided to ask the second question on his mind. “Hey, Beast? Where did you find the President of the United States?” The Beast casually stated, “I bumped into him on my way from the restaurant earlier. It appears that his current title is that of ‘community organizer’, since he arrived in this land.” Obama rubbed the back of his head. “It’s a lot less glamorous than it sounds, but it’s not the worst job I’ve ever had,” he admitted. “Tell me, did you meet Lyra yet?” Silias’ brow rose. “Should I have?” Obama considered this for a moment before shrugging. “Never mind.” He looked at Silias, then Rainbow. And back to Silias again. “…” Obama stared with a question in his eyes. “…” Rainbow Dash stared in confusion. “…” Silias had his eyes closed in thought. “…” Obama's questioning gaze grew intense. “…” Rainbow Dash's gaze grew more confused. "..." Silias had enough of the silence. “…is there a problem?” he asked irritatedly. Obama straightened his tie. “No, I was just wondering…are you aware of the party going on tonight in your honor?” Silias’ brow furrowed. “Well, I suppose I am now.” A short silence followed before Silias changed the subject. “Sorry, haven’t introduced myself, have I? Aeson. Silias Aeson," here he gave a short bow, "at your service.” Obama wrote it down on his clipboard. “One more thing: any idea of what you’ll be doing with your time here?” A pause. “…I won’t speak for the others, but I suppose we’ll stay for a short bit before…traveling,” Silias replied in a strictly non-cryptic way. If Obama picked up on something odd, he gave no sign. He finished writing with a flourish and put the pen into his coat pocket. “Alright, then. Then I suppose we’d best head to Sugarcube Corner – it’s almost time for the party.” Silias didn’t let Scootaloo out of his sight on the entire walk over to the bakery. I know she looks fine and all, but there’s something…off…about this filly. It's not that she's been subject to an alarming number of injuries, but she doesn’t look like she's had a papercut, let alone being bathed in knives. It may just be cartoon logic at work here, but it still seems like there’s something more to this. Silias hadn’t been surprised when he saw Setton waiting in front of the building, which to him looked like it would give his eyes diabetes if he stared too long. Actually, it looks a lot like something you’d find in the Sweet Hours back in Xanadu. Structurally sound, yet makes you want to wonder if someone’s waiting to bake you on the other side. He remembered what Lee had went through earlier and shuddered. Great. On top of those memories, I have another reason to hate sweets. Silias opened the door for the filly, placing his body directly between her and Rainbow Dash. Scootaloo made nothing of it, but Rainbow looked like she had been punched. Right as Silias was about to go inside, he spotted Setton, who had dashed onto the street in alarm. Silias raised a brow. It appeared as if Setton was under attack from some sort of invisible swarm of insects as he kept slapping the air around him irritably. Silias looked on in interest as Setton's pants spasmed of their own accord. For the umpteenth time that day, Silias thought, What the hell? It looked oddly like a pair of hooves were grasping at his pants. "Hey, Setton! The party's in here!" he called out to the flustered fellow traveler. Setton waved once before his pants began to spasm again. "For the love of all that is holy, cut that out!" he hissed irritably. The spasming stopped immediately. "Thank you," he sighed in relief. Silias' brow stayed raised, but he said nothing as Setton came back and entered the bakery. Setton looked upward and saw a velvety black ceiling dotted with stars. It was hard to believe there was a ceiling there at all, and that Sugarcube Corner didn't simply open on to the heavens. Silias whispered, "It's bewitched to look like the sky outside. I read about it in Hogwarts, A History." Setton, without looking away, offered Silias a brofist. Footsteps approached. "...think this is the last batch. This is the last of the cupcakes, right?" "Yep! That should do it!" Lee and Pinkie walked in from another room, carrying several trays of cupcakes. After putting them down, Lee sighed in relief. "How do you ever manage this on your own?" he asked Pinkie. Pinkie gave a quick glance to the door before turning back to Lee. "I'll tell you later - your friends finally showed up!" Lee looked over, and smiled. "Oh, didn't see you guys get in. How've you been?" The bakery was filled to the brim with townsponies, all having a grand old time - because who would miss one of Pinkie's parties? What had set this one apart for most of them wasn't the actual guests themselves, but one of their contributions - the 'sky' above. At one point, a pegasus attempted to bring down one of the clouds overhead, only to bonk into one of the rafters. Many of them had wondered how this was possible, but quickly dismissed it on the grounds that Pinkie had been in charge of the planning. At least, they *had* intended to do that, until someone actually had the stones to ask the party pony. She had revealed that Lee had in fact created the 'sky' above, and this led to a surge of interest. For twelve solid minutes, the Silvertongue was barraged by questions - well, more like variations of 'How the hell did you pull that off without magic?!' The Cakes had absolutely no comment on the matter. Once the tide of inquisitors had receded, Lee and Silias decided to sit along one of the walls, and catch up on what happened to each of them. Silias shook his head wearily. "This town is ridiculous." Lee gave him a level gaze. "You're in a town that gives your eyes diabetes and is populated by talking ponies. You're going to have to be more specific." Silias gave him a raised brow. "Alright, then. On our walk around the town, we ended up in the market. RD felt bad that I wasn't able to eat at Hay Burger - where every damn item on the menu is made of hay - so she went off to find an apple stand. While I was waiting for her to pay for them, some random-ass pegasus bumped into me. I wouldn't have minded if she hadn't copped a feel with one of her wings. I stepped well out of the way, and the same jävla did it again." Lee was curious. "What did you do, then?" "It became obvious that it was on purpose, so I told her off. But that wasn't the strange bit: after I had done this, every single pony in the market yelled 'You passed!' like I had just won the lottery. What the hell was that about, anyway?" Lee put a hand to his chin, attempting to concoct a meaningful explanation. "Well, Pinkie DID say they came up with a test to sift the cloppers out of the 'immigrants'..." Silias tilted his head. "What's a 'clopper'?" he asked in confusion. "Any human interested in banging one of these ponies. With that as their only interest in joining the community of talking, magical, and (arguably) intelligent equines." Silias cringed. Suddenly, he didn't blame any pony for what had happened in the marketplace. "What happened with yours, then?" Lee shivered. "Lyra. Lyra Heartstrings happened. Setton jumped out of the damn window when he caught sight of her, and with good reason. Feel free to quote me when I say that Lyra Heartstrings - or, at least this version of her - scares the living shit out of me." Silias decided not to question further on the subject, factoring Lee's expression and Setton's status as their 'expert' on these ponies to add up to some already traumatizing implications. Instead, Silias changed the subject. "So what's with this world's Pinkie? Any strange things happen?" Lee stared at him for a brief moment before he burst out laughing. "Silias, 'strange' is merely par for the course with this pony. You're more likely to comprehend The Musicians' appearance than how Pinkie acts on a daily basis." Silias blinked. That wasn't a comparison to be made lightly. "I meant, did she act wierd by Setton's standards?" Lee shook his head. "She seems to be normal - or as normal as Pinkie can be." Silias then crossed his arms, while closing his eyes in a state of contemplation. "That doesn't explain why Fluttershy was talking about having left corpses in her yard, or Rarity having sex-slaves." Across the room, Fluttershy looked up from casually stabbing a cupcake with a shiv she made from the bones of her victims. She gave Silias a careful look as she ate the baked goodness from the tip of the blade. Neither man actually noticed this, but The Beast picked up on this act. He went over to the mare and diverted her attention to himself, not wanting Silias to be pony-shanked. After all, Lee wouldn't like his friend's tombstone to read: "Here lies Silias Zachariah Aeson. 1995(?) - 2014(?). He died after being viciously shanked by The Element of Kindness." Although he had to admit, it would make a unique epitaph. Lee's eyes went wide. "Damn. This franchise can get away with anything!" he said in awe. Silias facepalmed, taking a moment to collect himself before continuing his train of thought. "No, it means that something's up. Come on, I thought the mention of corpses would have caught your attention." Lee huffed in annoyance. "It did. I was just kidding. But honestly, did you expect everything here to be sunshine and rainbows?" Fluttershy was now in a heated debate with The Beast, as they argued over who had a better grasp of the concept of torture. "That was my impression, actually," Silias deadpanned. Lee shook his head. "You would be at least fifty shades of wrong, my friend. Even if they don't mean it, things can get pretty terrifying here." Silias looked at him oddly. "I sense a story coming on..." "Hey, Lee!" The Silvertongue looked up from a tray of cupcakes he was in the middle of frosting. The kitchen itself, while being used quite extensively, stayed almost unnaturally tidy as they prepared tirelessly for an HOP. 'HOP' is a term which here means, 'High Occupancy Party', which quite fit the bill for this occasion as a majority of the townsfolk would be attending that evening. Lee looked around a stack of cupcake trays to properly regard the earth pony. "Yes, Pinkie?" he asked his fellow baking associate / planner / flagrant flaunter of fundamental metaphysics. Pinkie was in the midst of making the batter for another batch of cupcakes. "I want to ask you about a new recipe, and whether you want to try it for your party," she said as she casually abused some eggs with a whisk. Lee looked at Pinkie in curiosity, but somehow getting the feeling that a lawsuit might follow if it was implemented. "I'm listening," he said carefully. Pinkie drew in a deep breath. "Okay, here goes: razor blade sandwiches!" Lee took a moment to process this, gauging the silence to ascertain how serious Pinkie was about this idea. For a quiet moment, they did nothing but mix batter and frost cupcakes. Lee and Pinkie took turns taking silent glaces at each other, trying to figure out the other's thoughts in a rhythm befitting a mental game of Battleship. Dear God, she's serious, Lee internally deadpanned. "Pinkie?" Pinkie almost sighed in relief, because her mental aircraft carrier was one shot away from sinking. "What?" "I don't think that would go over well at the party tonight..." Lee said slowly. Pinkie raised a brow. "Why not?" There were at least six reasons Lee could think of off the top of his head as to why that was a bad idea. He decided to go with just one. "I think that the guests would rather taste your cupcakes than their own blood after they try to eat those sandwiches," he deadpanned. Pinkie thought about this for a moment. "...oh! Right...because razors cut ponies, and regular ponies bleed when they get cut!" she said in a cheery, but somehow not disturbingly upbeat, manner. Lee looked at her carefully. He then reminded himself that, no matter where you are, common sense is not automatically common. And that he should always check for internal bleeding risks when Pinkie Pie offers him a sandwich. Silias looked at Lee for a long moment. "...I am pretty sure that was typical Pinkie behavior, even if it did involve theoretical lacerations." Meanwhile, Fluttershy bowed in respect to The Beast. She said that she had much to learn, which concerned The Beast as much as it flattered him. Lee chuckled to himself. "Maybe. I will say this: Pinkie has quite the creative mind. A bit chaotic, but it grows on you quickly." Silias took a bite from a cupcake, and as he chewed, he noticed Lee's expression didn't falter. On the contrary, it seemed as if he was barely containing hysteria. "Why are you smiling?" Lee had a mischievous gleam in his eye. "Because I know something you don't," he said with the accent of a Spaniard. Silias raised a brow. "And that would be?" Lee looked casually around the room to see if any others were listening. "This world's Pinkie has a secret ingredient in her cupcakes," he revealed gleefully. Silias slowed his chewing as this sunk in. "What'd she put into these cupcakes?" he asked, immediately regretting the inquisition. Lee smiled devilishly. "She's made of constantly regenerating cotton candy. And she bakes herself into the mix." Silias looked at the dozens of other cupcakes with widened eyes. She literally sells herself on a daily basis, he thought in morbid awe, with no one the wiser. Lee covered Silias' mouth before he could say a word. "Don't get so worked up over it. She lops off worn down bits of herself, reuses the bits in her major passion - baking, mind you - without the slightest bit of pain on her end." Silias took Lee's hand away. "Are you telling me the absolute truth?" he asked carefully. Lee nodded. "As far as I know, yes I am. Pinkie Pie has literally the sweetest ticket to immortality I have ever heard of," he said with a smile. Silias' expression changed dramatically. "That is extremely metal," he said in admiration. The Beast had done everything from fighting Cockroach Jesus to navigating Xanadu, but these ponies were leaving him dumbfounded. After having learned The Beast wasn't "Celestia in disguise" - a phenomenon he would have to look into - the ponies had begun to treat him as if he merely had a deformity instead of an eldritch abomination. He had secretly hoped to be seen as something other than a monster, but he found that this came with an utter abandonment of respect. Take the unicorn in front of him. She had complimented him on his "cool hipster scarf" and wondered where she could get one like it. The Beast was in the midst of explaining the obvious problems with this request. "That would be impossible. The scarf you see here is made from the blood of one thousand tortured souls. I doubt you would be able to create your own, let alone find another like it." The unicorn nodded. "Right." And then she proceeded to completely disregard the eldritch nature of one article of The Beast's outfit and went onto another. "So, who's your retailer? I am digging that hat of yours!" This creature is not getting the message, is it? "This trilby is made entirely from the purest shadows. With enough eldritch power, it can produce living shadows, known as Victims, to fight by your side." The unicorn nodded once more. "Now did you get that from the same store, or is it from another place? In fact, can you give me directions to where you got them?" The Beast stared at the mare in silence, debating whether to provide the pony with instructions to the Planck level. He was on the verge of doing so when, thankfully, a certain orange pony stepped in. "Pardon me, Mister Beast, is it?" The Beast turned to regard the farmer."Yes? Do you need something?" Applejack waved the unicorn off before continuing, and The Beast mentally sighed in relief. The last thing he needed was to do something rash. "It's about what you said earlier, about the whole Lyra thing..." The Beast cocked his head in sudden concern. "Surely I did not severely injure her with that throw?" Applejack was caught off guard a bit by his concern. "No, no, she's fine, just some bruises," she said hurriedly. "It's just that...given what you said earlier, we're not really sure you should be in Ponyville right now." The Beast would've cocked a brow, if he had one. "No offense, but the general consensus seems to be that I am not a threat to anyone. In fact, I have done nothing to warrant any misgivings towards myself...apart, perhaps, from the incident with Lyra Heartstrings," he admitted. Applejack pressed on. "And I never said you have. Regardless, you're the most *unique* visitor we've gotten, so we asked the princesses for their input." She handed him a scroll, which he looked over. "You've got yourself a summons, and a chariot is waiting outside to take you to the castle." The Beast looked over the scroll in silence. "...what is to be the nature of this...summons? Purely a diagnostic meeting, to gauge my capability to integrate in your society?" he said experimentally. Applejack nodded. "It shouldn't take much longer than a few days or so, just so the princesses can make her judgement." The Beast considered this for a few moments. "..." "..." "..." "...which princess am I to meet? Luna or Celestia?" he asked quietly. Applejack out a hoof to her chin. "Well, I suppose Princess Celestia would be the obvious choice, but Princess Luna might be the one to see you first, given the time." The Beast scanned the room for his companions. Setton was the closest one, but he seemed preoccupied with something intangible... Applejack caught his gaze. "If you're worried about your friends, relax: they ain't goin' anywhere. Besides, we'll tell them where you'll be, so they won't have to worry none." The Beast nodded. "Very well. Take me to your leaders," he said without a trace of irony. Lee leaned back in the chair, sighing in contentment. The party guests had all but left, and only a few ponies had stayed behind. Deciding to make the most of the quiet, he reached into his satchel and pulled out his copy of Faces, Strange and Secret. He had been concerned with their earlier issue with the lodgings, but as he began seriously considering Lyra's earlier offer, Pinkie had gladly offered them a place to stay with her until they came up with another option. For some reason, Obama had seemed ticked at that development, he recalled idly. As he opened up to A Great Man, Dying, he failed to note Native Twilight's eyes had locked onto him. Lee shivered unconsciously, as the chillingly detailed description of eldritch leprosy reminded him to never read a word from it aloud. However, this had the side effect of bouncing the satchel into Twilight's head. "Ow!" She cried in surprise and pain. Lee looked at her oddly. "What exactly are you up to, Sparkle?" he asked as she rubbed her head. Twilight raised her head to regard him properly. "How many books do you have with you?" she asked bluntly. "Beg your pardon?" "Standard procedure when a human brings books from their world is to acquire and catalogue them in the Canterlot Archives," she explained. Lee stared at her for a moment. Among the books he held were the mystery book from The Red Bard and his book of memories. If something were to happen to either one of them... Lee shook his head. "I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I can't let you do that, Sparkle," he firmly asserted. She narrowed her eyes slightly. "If you're worried about them getting damaged, you can relax: I'm a librarian. I know how to take care of books." Lee placed his book in the satchel, debating on using the One Ring to confound and elude her. Because like HELL he was going to lose those books, even if he wasn't a Silvertongue. "I will say this very clearly and concisely so you can't act like I haven't said it: I. Will not. Give you. Anything. I'd rather you not force the matter any farther." Silias caught the last part of this and stood between Lee and Twilight. "Exactly. So if you intend on forcing him, then consider me a cockblocker in your little molestation scenario." "..." "..." Lee's face met his palm with a resounding slap, leaving a sensation duller than the sheer embarrassment he felt. "For God's sake..." he moaned. Twilight blushed furiously at the accusation. "What the fuck are you talking about? I only wanted him to hand over those books, not force him into sex! Maybe Rarity would be interested in that kind of thing, but I'm not!" Silias looked between the two sheepishly, obviously mortified at having misread the situation. "Ah. Wrong Twilight," he said to no one in particular. The Twilight in front of him raised a brow at this phrase. Before she could speak, Silias got down to eye level with the mare. "But my response is the same, regardless. Lee has many reasons to keep ahold of those books, so leave him alone. Bad enough he literally fell into your world, now you want to take the few mementos of his home? For shame, Sparkle, for shame." With this, Silias got up and walked away. "..." "..." "Alrighty then," Lee deadpanned, breaking the awkward silence left in Silias' wake. "If you don't mind, I'm going to go find The Beast. I want to talk to him about something." Twilight looked at him for a moment. "I probably should have mentioned this earlier, but..." Lee had a bad feeling about this. "...I kind of sent a letter to the princesses about him, and he was brought to Canterlot about halfway through the party," she said sheepishly. Lee looked at her in surprise. "And why didn't you bring this up?" Twilight got flustered. "I'm sorry! I thought you knew!" Lee's anger began to rise, but he caught himself before it was released. Why the hell do I feel so angry? he wondered silently. His features softened, and he shook his head. There were several reasons he had wanted to talk to The Beast, and The Red Bard was one of them. They found out that The Beast knew him, but that insight failed to explain how The Red Bard knew of Lee, or why that book had been left for him. Another matter he wanted answers to would be who The Beast had fought before they met him in the Peisistratos. The only clue was that she was female and had 'thralls'...but Lee was certain that, even after what the Insiden Harlot did to Rosa, The Beast wouldn't even refer to her as a 'self-righteous bitch'. The very fact that he punctuated that description with a curse was unusual and therefore unsettling. Moreover, The Beast was obviously leaving some important information about the circumstances of his meeting with The Red Bard. As Lee continued to ponder this, Twilight looked mortified under his unintentionally intense gaze. "I am really, really sorry about that: I really should have made sure you knew where he had gone. I shouldn't have assumed that someone else had told you, even if Applejack was the one who gave him the summons." Lee's brow raised. With his limited (and in this world, possibly useless) knowledge of MLP canon, something didn't sit right with that statement. "Why did Applejack deliver the summons? I thought you were Celestia's student: wouldn't you have been tasked with delivering the summons, if you have a direct line with her?" Twilight ignored the question. "So back to those books you have: can you at least let me see which ones you have?" Lee considered this request, but filed that unanswered question away for later. "If you don't try to steal any of them, I'm okay with that." As such, he started to open his satchel when he remembered the fanfiction inside. "If humans have been dropping into your world...have any mentioned knowing of yours?" he ventured. Twilight sighed in exasperation. "That's the whole reason for the Lyra test: basically any and all those who come here with prior knowledge want to do nothing but have sex with us. Sickos," she muttered in disgust. Lee thought about this for a moment. "Ever hear of fanfictions?" Twilight looked at him suspiciously. "Yeah. Why?" "...my friend left one in my bag," he said guardedly. "And I wasn't sure how you would've reacted if you found it in there. Hence my...reluctance." Twilight's brow raised. "As long as it isn't one of those 'clopfics' that I've heard about, you're fine." Lee considered the plot line of Dawn of the First Day, but wasn't sure what a 'clopfic' was. "I have no idea what that even means," he admitted with a shrug. Twilight seemed to be relieved as soon as the words left his mouth. Lee began going over the various books in his satchel, and while Twilight seemed interested in them, Lee was relieved to hear that most of them had been catalogued. Naturally, he didn't let her read his book of memories, but she seemed interested by The Red Bard's book. "..." Lee noted her intense gaze, and shifted to see what page she was looking at. The art style reminded him of an illustration from The Book of Kells, although the image was quite strange in design. It looked like a creature - not quite human, not quite equine - was fractured amidst inky blackness. "Well, that isn't cryptic or ominous at all," Lee muttered darkly. Twilight's eyes weren't centered on the image itself, but the glyphs along the borders. "I think I've seen this passage before, in the Royal Library." Lee's eyes shot wide. "You can read this?!" he asked in barely contained excitement. Twilight looked at him briefly, but obliged. "I don't know why you can't. It's just the cipher of the Dancing Pony, and humans have their own variation thanks to... what was his name again?" "Sir Arthur Conan Doyle?" Twilight pointed a hoof at him. "That's the one." Lee's expression was that of a child told to wait before assaulting his gifts under the tree. "So you can read the code. Fantastic. What does it say?" Twilight looked back at the coded message, making short work of the translation. Her eyes shot to saucers as soon as she realized the actual content. "These are from the notes of Starswirl the Bearded: To affect a permanent change in any being's innermost alignment, which arises from the magic of the soul, would require a vile ensorcelling of that same soul, a disfiguration and violation so blasphemous, so abhorrently contrary to the truths of Harmony, that it sickens me to even contemplate the possibility." To Lee's surprise, he spoke a name under his breath in rage. What was even stranger was the fact that he couldn't remember whose name it was. Twilight seemed thoughtful at these words. "Where did you get this, exactly?" Lee decided to give a name, but not the circumstances. He had no idea how Twilight would react if he said he got it from Discord, the Equestrian version of Q, though he was certain that it would be bad news for him. "Someone who calls himself The Red Bard left it for me. I have no idea who or what he is." Twilight's ears perked up at the name. "Why would he have had something like this...?" she asked no one in particular. Lee stopped cold. "Are you telling me...you know him?" he asked in a whisper. She looked at him like he was insane. "He's one of the teachers at the Ponyville Schoolhouse. Why?" But Lee was gone.