"What's our next move, Takeo?" Dempsey asked the Japanese man, who had been quiet until now.
Takeo shrugged. "We go along with whatever Richtofen's next crazy idea, because he's the only one who knows the truth about what's going on. It's a risky road. His grip on reality was long gone by Shi No Numa."
"Yeah," Dempsey frowned. "I can't remember anything since Shi No Numa, must have hit my head on something."
Takeo had hoped Tank was beginning to realize that Richtofen may have had a hand in his mind control. Takeo was arguably the strongest-minded person in their group, even after his mind-wipe. The Japanese warrior had considered that it could be Richtofen's doing, but he wasn't quite convicted yet. If Dempsey hadn't caught on yet, then Takeo knew Nikolai had not either.
"Do you ever get the feeling that you want to slap him?" Dempsey nodded as Richtofen skipped towards the other two World War veterans.
Takeo legitimately thought it over. "Not really," he decided.
"I'm have an idea!" Richtofen cried happily. "It's wunderbar!"
Dempsey let out a worried sigh. "What the next brilliant plan you have, doc?" He sarcastically asked.
"We follow Nikolai by doing exactly what happened to him! It's genius, ja!?"
"You mean. . ." Dempsey's eyes widened as he came to the conclusion. "THAT'S INSANE! How do you expect that to work!?"
Richtofen shrugged. "Well, if Nikolai was sent somewhere in a teleporter, why won't we be sent to the exact same place? Do you have a better plan, Dempshey?" Richtofen teased. Dempsey was silently fuming. "What's that? I can't here you because of your RAGE!" The German doctor cackled as he pried the DG-2 from Dempsey's hands. He motioned to Teleporter 2. "Come, minions- uh, I mean friends, we have an ally to save! Schnell, schnell!" He urged the American and Japanese. They gave each other worried glances.
"Tak. Why do I have the awful feeling that this will go horribly wrong?"
"Because it will, American. Because it will. . ."
Regardless of their doubts, Dempsey and Takeo stepped into Richtofen's teleporter, and awaited whatever fate would do with them. Richtofen wasted no time in firing the Wunderwaffe inside the teleporter. Instantly, a similar red lightning surrounding the three super soldiers.
Richtofen began to laugh. "Nikolai was right! It does tickle the skin! How quaint!"
"Why don't you pull your pants down and enjoy it more, Richtofen?" Dempsey joked. Surprisingly, Takeo managed a light chuckle in response.
"Good idea, Dempshey!" Richtofen smiled as he began to reach for his belt.
"Oh, no. Nonononononono," Dempsey and Takeo shielded their eyes. "Don't go there!"
"Fine," Richtofen sighed, sounding genuinely disappointed.
Suddenly, the area was engulfed in a bright white light, and they were off.
But not to Equestria.
The three awoke to find themselves in a derelict building. It appeared the room they were in was an entry foyer of some sort. There were two staircases, leading to the second floor, as well as an area under the second floor directly in front of them. To the left was a boarded window, along with the drawing of a gun they had not seen yet in their travels. To the right was a bar with a Quick Revive machine. It softly played the jingle in an otherwise quiet room.
"Uh," Dempsey scanned around, looking for a possible explanation. He identified a Nazi German banner on the wall near the left set of stairs. He instantly turned to Richtofen.
"Well, doc, now you've gone and done it. We're in another German facility."
"Ah, yes, this was the theater where Maxis was to unveil the teleporter. It never happened, thanks to me unleashing Fluffy. Anyway, Dempshey, shouldn't you know this by now? This is Kino Der Toten!"
"N00b!" Takeo shouted.
"OK, OK, stop breaking the fourth wall guys. That's my job."
Shortly after saying this, the power in the theater suddenly shorted out.
"Like right now. Hey, Treyarch! Can we get a new objective, please?" Dempsey shouted at the roof.
. . .
"Time to get up, Sleeping beauty!" Spike eagerly tapped the sleeping Nikolai, who only grunted weakly in response. Spike, however, was a persistent one, and continued tapping him until he finally rolled over and eyed the baby dragon with a death glare.
"Nikolai is trying to sleep, please let me be," It came off more as a threat than a request. Spike backed away, obviously threatened by the much larger human.
Twilight, who was also in the room, was not about to let this happen, however. "Oh no," she shook her head. "You can't sleep in today, we have to meet the princesses now."
Nikolai shifted his stare from Spike to Twilight. "I'm not going to ask nicely again. Will you please allow Nikolai to get some more sleep?" He growled.
Twilight gave him an agitated stare, the tone of her voice changing to an irritated one. "Do you realize how much you would be disrespecting the princesses, no, our very culture, if you refuse to visit when summoned?"
Nikolai only snorted and flipped over.
Twilight snorted and decided to try a different approach to getting the rude Russian out of bed. Once again, she adopted a different tone of voice, this time a saddened one. Her facial expression changed, so that she looked crushed from sadness. It was absolutely adorable.
"Nikolai, please? Pretty please?"
"Look, I already told you, I-" Nikolai was stopped after rolling over and seeing Twilight's cute, sad face. It felt like a punch in the gut.
"OK, Nikolai will get up."
Twilight instantly perked up and smiled big. "It's good to see you came around," She turned and whispered in Spike's ear. "Works every time," Once again, she turned to face Nikolai. "Now, you'll need a bath before-"
Nikolai jumped back. "AH! A bath! My only weakness! Besides vodka, heh heh heh."
"C'mon, Nikolai. It's just a bath. You'll feel good afterwards," Twilight was losing patience. It felt like she was talking to a little foal.
"No, Nikolai doesn't want a bath. Each blood stain on Nikolai's skin tells a story," He rolled up a sleeve, revealing a dried-up patch of blood that resembled a banana. "Like this one, it tells of fifth wife's death by axe."
Twilight wasn't really sure what to say at this point. So, all while keeping a disturbed expression on her face, she magically opened Nikolai's brown bag, pulled out a single bottle of vodka, and tossed it into the bathroom. Of course, Nikolai took off straight for the vodka, and Twilight slammed the door behind him and barricaded it with a large pile of books. There was some banging, but the door managed to stay shut.
"Hey, no fair! You played dirty trick on Nikolai!"
Twilight smirked. Mission accomplished.
. . .
Eventually, Nikolai did emerge from the bathroom, soaking wet and squeaky clean. He quickly slipped on his old clothes, and looked ready to go. He said nothing to Twilight, still very pissed. The good news was that he now smelt clean, so they had that.
"Right," Twilight frowned. "We better get going, the train to Canterlot will arrive soon."
Without any kind of reply, Spike and Nikolai followed her out the door.
The train station was occupied by many ponies, among them being Twilight's friends, except Rarity. Though none of them had any reason to tag along with Twilight, they had all decided to be with her and help her explain the situation. Celestia and Luna were understanding princesses, though. They probably just want a simple explanation.
When the four ponies noticed Twilight, Nikolai, and Spike arriving, they quickly waved at her, and the three met up with them.
"Hey, y'all!" Applejack greeted. "Good timing. The train is coming soon."
"Hey, Applejack!" Spike returned her greeting. He then looked around. "Where's Rarity?"
"Uh, she's, uh. . ."
"Sleeping late!" Nikolai nervously blurted, neither wishing to speak of the events that transpired last night.
Twilight turned to him, and gave him a suspicious stare. "How would you know that, Nikolai?"
"Because, umm, uh, VODKA!" Nikolai desperately tried to change the subject, reaching into his brown bag and pulling out the last bottle of vodka.
Applejack, who faced Nikolai along with the rest of the ponies, mouthed 'Nikolai, what are you doing!?'.
'Distraction. Play along.'
"That doesn't answer the question, Nikolai," Twilight pressured again. "How would you know why Rarity is not here?"
"Apples!" Applejack shouted randomly. "Boy, ah' sure love 'em!"
Pinkie smiled. "Me too!"
Twilight stared down both Applejack and Nikolai, and both wore nervous grins.
"Just what are you two playing at?"
"Well, duh, silly, they're trying to hide the fact that Rarity passed out drunk last night at the bar," Pinkie informed.
"I don't even know how," Nikolai stared at Pinkie with a mixture of awe and fear.
"What was Rarity doing at the bar-"
TOOT!
"Oh, look, the train's here!" Rainbow Dash announced.
"Obviously, Rainbow Hair," the Russian growled under his breath.
Twilight decided to forget about the current subject and to just board the train with everypony else. Soon enough, the ponies, Spike, and Nikolai had all found seats. Nikolai sat with Spike, Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie sat across from them, and Fluttershy, Twilight, and Applejack had managed to squeeze into a booth together.
"So," Nikolai questioned. "What exactly do you think of these princesses, Spike? What's their defense look like?"
"Why would you care about their defense?" Spike asked.
"Because I plan to overthrow him and establish a communist agenda, of course," Nikolai whispered.
"Heh, good luck," Spike chuckled.
"Why do you say that, little dragon?"
"They're goddesses. It takes more than a single human to beat them."
"Then I shall convince the common herd to follow in my path, and together, we shall end the era of tyranny!" Nikolai laughed triumphantly.
Spike was about to discourage this plan, too, but decided that it wouldn't hurt Celestia or Luna that much, considering that they are still popular rulers among the citizens of Equestria. Knowing Celestia, she might even find his attempt at overthrowing her funny.
The ponies all discussed various things on the long train ride to Canterlot, and Nikolai got to know Spike's life story.
"So, let Nikolai get this straight. You are a dragon, a DRAGON, and you are a servant to a pony?"
"No, she's like my big sister, not my master," Spike defended.
Nikolai blew a raspberry. "Sure, but don't you wish you could be free? Or at the very least, get paid for your work?"
Spike thought about this. "It would be nice, but I still love Twilight no matter what, pay or no pay."
Nikolai shrugged. "This world is a little crazy. How about, when you're older, we go to the bar and discuss this over a drink?"
Spike frowned. "I age much slower than you, by the time I'm fully grown, you will be long gone."
"Oh, well, this conversation this got much more awkward."
TOOT!
Nikolai stared out of the window to see if they had arrived. Sure enough, they were pulling into a large train station, one much larger than the one at Ponyville. Nikolai noticed that they were on a mountainside, and wondered if this was the city he had spotted on a mountain near Ponyville. That couldn't be right, it looked so much closer than it actually was.
Twilight got up from her seat and trotted over to Nikolai. "Now, I know how you act, and I want you to behave yourself in front of the princesses. You're meeting royalty here, and I want you to treat them as such. Are we clear?"
Nikolai groaned. "Fine. But as a communist, I don't like the sound of meeting royalty. Are you sure we have to do this?"
"For the last time, yes."
As the train came to a complete stop, the five ponies, dragon, and human filed out in a neat line. All of the ponies that were at the station immediately stopped whatever they were doing to stare at the strange creature in their presence.
"Oh, come on, not this shit again. Is this going to happen every time I step into a new town!?"
"Oh my," Fluttershy squeaked. "I don't like having all of this attention."
"It's alright, everypony, we can skip the long walk to the castle," Twilight assured with a smile. "All of you hold into me."
"Wait, why?" Nikolai asked as he put a hand on the back of Twilight's neck. He didn't have time to get an answer before Twilight teleported all of them to the castle's throne room. Celestia and Luna sat, allowing welcoming smiles to Twilight and her friends.
"Hello, Princess Celestia!" Twilight did not hesitate to run up to the white pony and give her a big hug. "It's so good to see you again,"
Celestia let out a warm chuckle. "It's been some time, hasn't it?" She glanced over at Nikolai, putting on a slightly more serious expression. "Is this the human that you said Fluttershy found?"
"Yes, and I brought him here on your request."
"Thank you, Twilight," she broke off the hug and trotted over to Nikolai, followed by Princess Luna. "I'm sure this has all been very confusing to you. Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Princess Celestia, co-ruler of Equestria, and this is my younger sister, Princess Luna."
The younger alicorn gave a shy smile, still having some trouble talking to strangers. "WE ARE PLEASED TO MEET THOU!" she spoke in the royal Canterlot voice, startling Nikolai. "Oops, sorry, I sometimes forget that we don't talk in that voice anymore."
Nikolai now had a frightened expression on his face. Of all the things he had seen in his life, this had to be the thing that scared him, a talking pony that seemed to have a built-in megaphone inside of her.
Celestia gave him a comforting smile. "It's OK, Luna doesn't bite. She just barks sometimes," the older alicorn joked. "Anyway, it's time for you to meet the citizens of Canterlot. There are many waiting outside to hear from you. Why don't you go out onto the balcony and show them that you're not here to hurt anypony?" Celestia gestured to a small balcony, and Nikolai walked out to meet a crowd of variously colored Earth ponies, unicorns, and pegasi. Each one eyed him with various emotions ranging from confusion, intrigue, fear, and boredom.
"It's like she wants me to make my speech," Nikolai muttered to himself before clearing his throat. He eyed the crowd and began his speech.
"People- er, ponies of Equestria, are you tired of living merely as filthy peasants for an uncaring monarch? Are you tired of working hard, only to have the rich take your hard-earned crops, money, and possessions? Are you tired of bowing to a princess that simple does not care for you? No longer will Equestria suffer under the iron fist of monarchy! No longer will Equestria be led by a rich, ruling class, while the common people suffer! Join me, and together, we shall usher in a new golden age for Equestria! What do you say!?"
There was nothing but the sounds of chirping crickets. One mare in the crowd raised a hoof.
"Yes, fellow citizen?" Nikolai answered.
"But, we like Celestia. She and Luna are good rulers."
Nikolai blushed in embarrassment. "Well, under my rule, you would have a great and fair ruler."
Another hoof in the air. "But Celestia and Luna are already great and fair."
"Ah, fine, monarchy it is! My name is Nikolai! I come from a far-off land known as The Soviet Union, and we like to make jokes about communism! I wasn't being serious in the slightest!"
Upon realizing that Nikolai was joking (as far as they knew), the crowd bursted into laughter. Celestia appeared beside Nikolai, and she didn't appear angered in the slightest.
"Yes, yes," she praised. "Excellent joke, Nikolai. We here in Equestria are happy to have you, and hope that your time here is a pleasant one," she smiled. "Thank you, citizens of Canterlot and beyond, for coming out to meet Nikolai!"
Nikolai and Celestia trotted back inside. Twilight had heard the whole thing, and she was beet red from embarrassment.
"He is so lucky that Celestia is a forgiving pony," she muttered under her breath. Sure enough, Celestia knew very well that her subjects were loyal to her, so she was not at all angry with Nikolai. Twilight, however, was furious. She had asked him multiple times to behave in front of the monarchs, and then he pulled a stupid stunt like that in front of countless ponies. She would likely never hear the end of this.
"I think we should really get going," Rainbow Dash announced.
Twilight quickly nodded, ashamed that Celestia had to experience this obvious rebellion attempt. "Yeah, we really need to get going, now!" She cried urgently. She grabbed onto Nikolai, with everyone else grabbing onto her, and summoned all the magic she had to send them back to Ponyville.
Celestia sighed. "It's a shame, they couldn't stay for cake."
Luna chuckled. "I think you have your priorities mixed up, sister."
. . .
Twilight had just enough energy to send the seven ponies back to her library, as she literally passed out afterwards.
Nikolai, aware of what would happen if he stayed here when Twilight came home, quickly stood up and bolted out the door without even saying anything, leaving the four ponies and dragon standing there in confusion.
Nikolai sprinted down the street to Berry's house. He would need a place to lay low for a little while, maybe a week, until Twilight calmed down.
He just hoped that she could handle a housemate like him