Letters From a Little Princess Monster
Reunions and Regrets - Part One
Normally the Ponyville train station was nearly deserted when the morning train arrived.
‘Normal’ and ‘Ponyville’ were becoming increasingly separate as of late, leading some to suppose a trial separation was in effect, possibly leading up to a divorce.
Last year for Princess Celestia’s second Summer Sun Festival visit, the town council had approved the bits to make a more permanent ‘Welcome Princess Celestia’ banner to replace the one burned to a crisp by the Cutie Mark Crusaders on her first visit.
It burned too.
For Princess Celestia’s third Summer Sun Festival visit, the town council had invested in a banner sold by the Flim-Flam Banner Company warrantied not to burn for any reason at all other than acts of Goddess, which was considered to be an adequate protection against the terrible trio and their multiple minions.
Then Nightmare Moon happened. A small patch of the banner had been recovered blocks away, showing only the word ‘Trixie.’
Normal ponies would have taken that as a bad omen of sorts.
The Ponyville town council took it as a challenge, and had ordered three permanent banners, one for each Princess of Equestria, paying extra for the steel grommets in each corner, and in addition, flags with all three Princess’ cutie marks for every building in town.
The flame-retardant spells on them had been mandatory. They did not use the Flim-Flam Banner Company.
A few of the more practical stallions in the town had voiced their opinion that the male Royal spouse seemed to have been left out of the celebration, and their wives quickly hushed them, but not before some prankster had managed to write ‘and Prince Consort Shining Armor’ underneath Cadence’s name on the largest banner.
‘Officially’ this was not to be a state visit by either Princess Cadence (and her husband) or Princess Luna (still single), but the town banners had been gotten out of storage for a coincidental wash and dry on the scaffolding of the town hall, and the flags had been put up on many of the town buildings ‘for atmosphere.’ Strangely enough, the atmosphere included several defiant individuals who were flying flags based on other cutie marks, including the official Bearers of the Elements of Harmony, many of the local youth, and Shining Armor. Said flags were, of course, made in such perfect detail and colors that nopony had any doubt where they had been made (the tiny stylized ‘R’ in the corner was a clue), and their contribution to the festival atmosphere was only enhanced by a rumor that the flags had been funded out of the town hall reconstruction fund.
Trixie was not amused. The rumor was correct. Her tendency to sign anything stuck under her nose had betrayed her again.
Of course, nopony could see just how irritated she was by the whole carnival atmosphere at the train station. Since the day before yesterday, nopony had seen Trixie at all. They had heard her, grouching and complaining around the town with Spike at her side (or at least that was where the voice was coming from), but she had repeatedly announced that she was attempting to break the Equestrian record for length of time maintaining an invisibility spell and refused to discuss it any further. Spike, however, was willing to fill in the colorful details (mostly purple) for a nominal fee.
Before the sun had even risen this morning, a large box labeled as containing teaching supplies had shuffled onto the train platform area, accompanied by two zebras, one of whom was also not what he appeared on the outside. As the morning progressed from darkness to dawn, additional ponies trickled into the broad expanse of flat ground around the train station, some with obvious business due to the wagons and carts they brought, some only to watch and stare. Several were somewhat discouraged by the ‘No Fireworks This Morning’ sign that had been hung prominently by the freight section of the platform, enforced by a rather sleepy looking firepony holding a hose.
As the sun made its appearance above the horizon, small ponies began to appear, just one or two at first, then more as the sun settled into its traditional spot for the time of day. The little ponies would move close to the box and whisper to the occupant before trotting off on another task or just sitting in the general area for moral support. Even a small dragon made his appearance, standing to the side of the cardboard box with a number of small orange cones laid out next to him detailing a pony-sized space that was reserved for some reason.
The town clock tower chimed in the distance, and the two zebras looked at each other. “The train is late, my handsome mate,” said Zecora. “Its arrival should be this hour that the clock has struck upon the tower.”
“I’ll go check with the stationmaster, dear,” said Tallgrass. “I’m sure that there’s nothing really serious to fear.” He tapped lightly on top of the cardboard box until a purple horn emerged from one of the holes. “Flower, I’ll be right back. Are you sure you’ll be okay for…”
He faded off with a look of concentration until Monster whispered, “This meeting by the tracks.” She squirmed inside the box, shuffling a little to one side before responding in a weak whisper, “I’m fine.”
Credit: Dotterall on FimFiction and DeviantArt.
~ ~ ~ * ~ ~ ~
It was a lie. She was anything but fine. Even the stentorian terror of exploding fireworks would be better than the beast in her heart that clawed and thrashed for the surface, itching to shred her new purple skin and flee into the sky away from friends and family.
She had promised. Trixie and Spike and her friends had all asked the same question, and she had promised each one of them that she was wanting to meet her real parents. Even Tallgrass and Zecora had asked, although the zebra who she had thought of as a mother seemed so distant from her heart now. A different pony had taken Monster’s place in mom’s heart now that she had become more Twilight than Monster, and she could smell his faint scent every time she attempted a familiar nuzzle. It was the smell of destruction, of charred bodies and broken limbs, the stench of death that she had created clinging to the one she loved with all of her wounded soul. Her nose prefered to remember the sweet smell of baking that caused fragmentary images of purple and blue to flicker in her mind like wild lightning, driving away the memories of her destruction for the warm sensation of a home she could barely conceive of existing. She was torn asunder every moment, both terrified and exhilarated at the thought of meeting her family. Meeting them was supposed to be a great joy, a pleasure to relive the wonderful times of her youth before she had split the sky open and attempted to destroy them all.
They all trusted her. It was the only thing that kept Monster standing at the train station under her cardboard box instead of running away screaming. Two days ago, she was looking forward to this, confident in her ability to face her fears and embrace her real family, the one whose blood lived in her veins. Then she had split herself into three and been rejoined, and her carefully crafted mental blocks had all shattered into dust.
This was why she had dyed her coat back to its original color, why she had let her friends cut her mane, why she had tried so hard to fit back into that small purple box she had originally been inside. If maybe she could look like little Twilight Sparkle, she could be little Twilight Sparkle. That she could be loved without being feared.
No, that was not right. Mom still loved her. Her friends loved her. Even Trixie loved her without fear, willing to step right into a maelstrom of magic to see her ‘little sister’ saved from the fate she had brought on herself. It didn’t matter to any of them what color she was or what shape her body had been twisted into. They loved what was inside.
That was what really frightened her. Her family from before had loved her. She had torn those deep emotions out of their hearts by her actions. If they could not love her now like they did then, her new family could lose that love too if she were to relapse. Then she would be alone again, drowning in the void. One single mistake and she would be lost.
Monster had lost control the night before last. She could still hear the screaming whenever she closed her eyes. It could have easily been one of her friends who had pushed that fragment of her personality so far. She could easily see Scootaloo or Apple Bloom dead at her hooves, dead from another loss of control, dead because of her.
They knew it. Every one of them knew just how dangerous she was, and yet they crowded up against her at the train station, whispering through the walls of the cardboard box about how excited they were and if Twilight was ‘okay’ in there. Like moths drawn to the flame of a candle, they seemed drawn by the fire that burned inside her, and only her control kept them from dying.
Trixie said that by letting other ponies into her heart, she was not endangering them, but that she was learning to grow. She said that Trixie had learned more from her little friends than all of the teachers she ever had. Even Spike agreed, and the little dragon had volunteered his services for whatever she needed, whenever she wanted, down to the last jewel in his hoard.
The distant train was much nearer now, and she could feel the vibrations through the earth spirits beneath their hooves. They all seemed excited for her, making little happy rumbles as the train hissed and squealed to a halt.
She almost could not watch, keeping just one eye at the very bottom of an eye hole in the box as the train door opened and a pair of charcoal grey Nocturne trotted out, both wearing sunglasses against the bright morning sun. Lumpy drew her attention at first, with the way his eyes darted from place to place, painfully visible even behind sunglasses as if he expected a blanket panther or porcuquill to leap out of ambush to attack in the middle of the peaceful town.
Then there was Laminia.
The female nocturne fairly pranced out of the train with her head held high and a distinct swish to her tail. Grey hooves darted and danced as she broke into a quick sashay to one side, spun in place, and then hopped over to the cardboard box in three giant leaps.
“Twilight! Twilight! You’ll never guess what just happened.” Without even a hesitation to let Monster speak, she continued, “I got to snub a reporter. Isn’t that wonderful?!”
Monster raised both eyes up to peer out of the box at the rather over-enthusiastic night pegasi trying to peek inside. “Is snub a euphemism?”
“What? No!” Laminia took a quick glance at her husband, who was checking behind some nearby crates for ninjas or explosives. “He was asking a bunch of annoying questions and wouldn't go away when Luna told him to, so she let me be rude to him. Isn’t that fantastic!”
“Oh.” Monster shifted positions inside her box and tried not to tremble. “That’s very nice?”
“Darned tootin’ it is. Whoops, here comes the boss. ‘scuse me kids, can you scoot over just a little. Thanks.” Laminia faded to one side out of sight so Monster could see Princess Luna striding out of the train, looking very regal if not just ever so slightly mussed by the trip. There was just the slightest hesitation in her progress as she swept a wide glance across the town, taking in the banners and flags, but they all seemed inconsequential to the Princess of the Night as she proceeded over to Monster’s box.
“Twilight Sparkle. Are you feeling well?” Two huge teal eyes peered into her dark box as the rustling of small ponies outside indicated a pressing inwards by her friends and Zecora. She appreciated the gesture from them, but all it seemed to do was make the box smaller and more stuffy.
“My daughter has expressed great perseverance in preparing for her relatives’ appearance. But her apprehension of their continued affection has caused issues with her circumspection.”
“I’m fine,” whispered Monster. “I want to be here.”
It was a lie, but it was what was expected of her. Princesses did not get to pick and choose what dangers they faced, and the two little filly wings on her back fluttered at the thought. Part of yesterday had been spent in ‘Twilight Time’ at the library with her friends. While everypony else researched the possibilities of new cutie marks or browsed through Spike’s comic book collection⁽*⁾, she had looked up the achievements of Princess Celestia.
(*) Spike’s comic book collection had been purged of all dangerous Enchanted™ comics by Trixie after an unfortunate incident involving the Supreme Sorceress and Scales the Wonder Dragon in Maretropolis.
Monster had trembled while reading about the two different wars against the griffons, shuddered while looking at pictures of cities on fire, and had barely been able to open her eyes to look at the gruesome monster named Discord that Celestia had turned to stone. Centuries of time had nearly wiped Luna’s crimes from the history books, and she could not help but think that maybe it would have been better if the Elements of Harmony had turned Monster to stone while freeing Princess Luna. Maybe after a thousand years as a statue, nopony would remember her murderous crimes either.
That thought shattered like glass while she was looking into the soft teal eyes of Princess Luna. The destruction and death she had caused as Nightmare Moon were just as recent to her as Monster’s destruction of the changeling hive. If Monster had been turned to stone for a thousand years, there would be no supportive friends at her side when she was unpetrified. Her family, both Zecora and her other parents would be dead and dust for centuries. And she would have to live with their deaths as well as the changelings.
She was here. She would deal with the pain. She had to. There was no other choice.
“G-go ahead. My p-parents c-can come out now.” Monster held herself away from the sides of the box so that her trembling would not alarm her friends, and forced herself to lift her head just barely enough to see out of the eyeholes in the box.
“Actually, Twilight Sparkle, there is a small problem.”
The distant sounds of running hooves echoed from the train, as well as a panicked shout of “There goes one of them!” A crash of pans and rumble of falling objects soon followed, along with a shout of pain that slammed Monster’s heart into a pounding spasm. It sounded like Shining Armor’s voice, and the concerned cry that followed could only be from Cadence. All Monster could see in her mind’s eye was the endless slamming of rocks and trees into Shining Armor’s spell, and the shouts of disciplined soldiers as they attempted to capture her.
“Actually, two problems,” continued Luna with a look over her shoulder at the train, which was trembling a little on its shock absorbers as adult ponies ran up and down the inside of the cars in a rumbling cascade of hooves. “This seems to be a good time for me to tell you about… Well, there should be something we can converse about while waiting for them to capture the… Nevermind. I can understand how that would be a sensitive topic for you, Twilight Sparkle.”
“I’m fine,” she whispered, her mind filled with images of burning trees and green blood.
Princess Luna cleared her throat, laying a dark wing across the top of the box and cutting off most of Monster’s light. “Sister. I know this time is difficult for you, but much like military strategy, difficult ground is best crossed quickly. You must seize your opportunities wherever you find them and pursue them, wrestle them to the ground and dominate them like a reluctant stallion.” There was a brief pause and a rustle as the wing covering the box shifted position. “Perhaps not the best analogy for your situation.”
“No.” Her voice barely managed to escape the box.
* * *
Luna paused with one physical wing across the frail cardboard box and one metaphorical hoof inserted into her mouth all the way to the knee. She could not be making a more impressive hash of this if she had showed up with a butterfly net and a set of hoofcuffs. Her sister was always so talented with the compassionate shoulder and sympathetic ear, while those she tried to comfort tended to flee her presence afterwards and hide somewhere dark and out of the moonlight.
Her audience of little awestruck eyes surrounding the box did not help.
This trip to Ponyville had started out as a tense sort of relaxation with Twilight Sparkle’s rather strange family involving a great number of photographs and something called a ‘sonogram’ that showed Princess Cadence’s unborn foal. The modern world was strange indeed, where guessing the gender of a foal by sensible tea leaves had been replaced by squinting at a blurry piece of paper and trying to identify any poky-out bits. Obviously the foal was going to be a filly by the high positioning of the growing lump in Cadence’s belly, but Shining Armor had been quite persistent in his belief to the contrary.
It took a deep breath, and a second look over her shoulder in the forlorn hope that the little pests had been captured and the odd family was ready to emerge, but after gathering her will, Luna continued, “I cannot say that my heart knows the pain you feel, Twilight Sparkle, but I was wroth with dread upon my return to the world. You were my sole companion on that journey, perhaps because of my cowardice rather than any courage you might assign to me.
“My sister and I had fought many times before my capitulation to Nightmare Moon, with far more vehemence than you or any of your friends hath fought with thy siblings.”
“I bit my big sister once when I didn’t want to take a bath,” volunteered a chubby little colt.
A taller colt promptly spoke up. “Well, my big sister and I were fighting once and we each had bitten down on each other’s tails when—”
“Children,” chided Luna. “We are speaking to Twilight Sparkle. And yea, ‘tis normal for siblings to fight, but my sister and I hath exchanged words and blows more hateful than any mortal should express in their lifetimes. Family is a bond of blood and heart. Zecora knows of what I speak, because even though Twilight Sparkle was not born from her womb, their two hearts are as bound to each other as any that I have seen in my many years. I had thought my bond with my beloved sister had been shattered beyond redemption by my actions, for I could not imagine myself being able to forgive her had our places been reversed.
“I was wrong, Twilight Sparkle. My sister and I are a family, and that bond cannot be broken even by the unforgivable acts that I committed. This is why I originally did not want to be here when you rejoined with your family.”
The Princess of the Night took a deep breath, looking up at the summer sky as if she wished to sweep it all away and reveal the stars concealed behind the bright blue expanse. “I was envious. I thought that your desire to be a part of my family would vanish when you were reunited with yours. It was envy that first drove me into the embrace of Nightmare Moon, envy of my big sister whom our little ponies loved so. I did not want envy to drive a wedge between us. ”
“Um, Princess Luna—” started a young filly before being shushed.
“This is important, young one. Now, Twilight Sparkle. I would never wish the disaster that befell me upon any pony, let alone you. There is much potential in your magic, and as you grow, it will too. It will take many years for you to master your craft, and although I am wroth to admit it, in the end I believe your skills may even eclipse mine.
“My big sister and I are evenly matched in many regards, with powers beyond mortal ken, but our emotions are still those of mere mares. Envy has always been my weakness, and as your skills grow, I shall endeavor to temper my envy with pride in your many accomplishments, of which the greatest I know are your friends.
“Friendship does not come easily to a ruler of Equestria. Over the centuries, I have had many who dedicated their lives to my service, but very few who were willing to speak with me as a friend. You have attracted many in the few months that you have spent in this town, including five dear friends whom I owe my very life to.”
Luna smiled down at the surrounding small ponies, who did not shriek and flee as so many of the Canterlot inhabitants had done on her return. Instead, they all looked up at her with a mix of nervousness and awe, seeming as willing to remain close to her as the cardboard box under her wing that contained Twilight Sparkle.
“Princess Luna,” started a small piebald colt, “beg pardon and all of that, but—”
“Just a moment, young one. I have one last thing that I must confess to your friend first.” Turning to the box, Luna tucked her wing onto her back and lowered her head. “Please forgive my reluctance to be at your side when you meet your parents, little sister. You are my friend, and I should not have shied away from the responsibility, no matter how hesitant I was to confront my own fears. Can you forgive me, Twilight Sparkle, so that we may greet your parents together?”
There was an abrupt and fairly painful tug on Luna’s tail, and when she turned to look, the same little piebald colt was looking up at her with mournful eyes.
“Princess?” The little mottled pony’s voice was muffled from the clump of tail in his mouth, which he spat out once Luna turned in his direction. “She’s gone.”
He pointed to the back of the cardboard box, which swung wide to reveal an empty interior.