“So you're going for a classy look, huh?” Vinyl Scratch nodded across the table. “That's good. Photo hates any pony dressed in a skirt that's shorter than her attention span.”
“Which is a weird thing,” Rainbow muttered into her mug of cider. “Considering we're all friggin' naked all the time. I mean... what's the deal with parties like this?”
Lyra finished drinking, belched, and squinted. “I've got an even better question. What the Hell are you guys talking about?”
“It's a cultural trend, Rainbow,” Vinyl said. “I can't pretend to explain it. Heck, I'm not even that much of a fan myself. But hey... the night scene is all about playing by these different rules, and if it makes my listeners happy, then I'm happy to play along.”
“You know what? Forget it.” Lyra slid out of their booth and trotted up to the bar for a refill. “I don't even care. Friggin' wyrdos...”
Bon Bon giggled. She smiled at Rainbow Dash. “Sounds like somepony's about to bump elbows with high class.”
“Eh... don't rub it in,” Rainbow muttered. “I'm close to vomiting over this charade as it is. I had to stand for two hours in a dress today. Biggest waste of time in my whole life.”
“You do realize that dressing for the part is only half of it,” Vinyl said. “You're going to want to smell good as well.”
“Unnnngh... come on!” Rainbow slumped back in her seat, moaning. “Seriously?”
Vinyl shrugged. “At least at Photo's parties. Some big kerfluffle over having the nostrils clean in order to appropriately enjoy 'ze magiks.'”
“What am I going to have to do?” Rainbow frowned. “Roll through flowers for an hour before the party?”
“Nothing quite that extravagant, Rainbow, I'm sure,” Bon Bon stated. “Just something more fragrant than your fair.”
Rainbow glared at her. “Excuse me?”
“Erm...” Bon Bon leaned back, ears folded. Through a nervous smile, she sputtered, “N-not that there's anything wrong w-with the rusty aroma of thunderstorm and rain spritz!”
Rainbow blinked. She lifted her forelimb, sniffed herself, then squinted at the rest of the table. “Are you guys pulling my leg?”
“Nothing to be offended over,” Vinyl said. “You've just gotta step it up a notch for this sort of a thing.”
“Like what kind of a notch?”
“Wish I could help you there,” Vinyl said with a shrug. “All I know is that Photo Finish likes to feel calm and relaxed at all times.”
“Oh! I know!” Caramel spoke up, smiling from his side of the table. “How about a tiny touch of lavender?”
Vinyl's muzzle scrunched. “This is going to be a party in the big city, not a foal's nursery.”
Caramel winced slightly, then brightened. “Oh! I know! Jasmine works wonders!”
“Oh, of course!” Bon Bon smiled over at Rainbow Dash. “It's used all the time in aromatherapy.”
“Aroma-what-now?”
“Absolutely guaranteed to be soothing,” Caramel said, cooing to himself as he rested his chin on a pair of forelimbs. “Not to mention it makes you feel instantly beautiful...”
“Ughhhhh...” Rainbow rolled her eyes. “Pass.”
“I dunno, Rainbow,” Vinyl said in a muttering tone while she sketched across her music sheets. “Sounds like you have a winner there...”
Rainbow Dash bit her lip, wings twitching as she stared daggers through the bar room table.
“Rarityyyyy!” Rainbow hissed, glancing left and right from under a thick, thick cloak. “Hurry up! We should have been there by now!”
“Honestly, Rainbow Dash.” Rarity skipped gaily along. Despite the rambling protests of her companion, she smiled pleasantly. “You're making this out to be a far bigger ordeal than it needs to me. And coming from a mare such as myself... hmmm-hmmm... that means something.”
“I just don't want anypony to see me!” Rainbow said, stifling a groan as she glanced nervously at the building faces and pedestrians of Ponyville. “I swear! I'll be the laughing stock of the entire town!”
“Please, fear not. Nopony is going to see you! Well... aside from the three or four mares who will be pampering you left and right... and the receptionist in the front room... oh, and me, of course.” She giggled daintily, her cheeks red.
“Unnnnnghhhhhhhhhhhh...!”
“Now enough of that moaning!” Rarity trotted up to the front door of Aloe and Lotus' spaw and opened it for the cloaked pegasus. “There's absolutely nothing to be ashamed of! Now trot inside and—I swear as your generous and loving friend—you shall be made into a whole new mare!”
Rainbow's pupils shrank to the size of pinpricks. “On second thought... eheheh...” She spun about and spread her wings. “Ichangedmymindokaybye.”
“Rainbow Dash!” Rarity anchored the pony's whole body in a translucent field of blue magic. “You've entrusted me in making you dress and smell your finest for this soiree, and I shan't let your inane little phobias get in the way of making this coming evening be the absolute most romantic thing that you and your coltfriend could ever experience.” She trotted inside with a smirk, tugging Rainbow alive. “Now, don't make a scene. And if you start squirming—fear not—I've devised the proper way to restrain you.”
“Hey! Knock it off! I said I changed my mind!” Rainbow fought and squirmed helplessly. “Rrrgh! Darn it! Lemme go ya friggin' vampire—!” Her cracking voice was silenced by the door slamming shut behind them.
“Saaaaaaaaay...” Vinyl Scratch lowered her shades. “Did a new flower shop open that I don't know about?”
“Knock it off,” Rainbow grumbled. She floated airily before the mare as Vinyl sat in a park bench. The sun glinted in bright sparkling swirls off Rainbow's freshly shampooed coat and mane. “I'm not exactly enjoying this.”
“You gonna sit down and relax at some point?”
“I can't,” Rainbow sighed. “Rarity's ordered me not to 'dirty myself' by making hoof contact with the ground for two days.”
“Yeeesh... why go put yourself through all this, girl? Are you really that much of a glutton for punishment?”
“Just answer my question already,” Rainbow grunted. “How does one strike up a conversation with Photo Finish?”
“Usually, one doesn't,” Vinyl said, flipping through a book of music theory in the afternoon sunlight. “She chooses who to talk to and when and where to strike up a conversation.”
“Okaaaaaaaaaaay...” Rainbow fought the urge to sneeze, her nose drowning in several floral scents and bathwash. “So, assuming I'm lucky enough to have a chat with her, what do I do to get on her good side?”
“She's an art freak.”
“Meaning?”
“You gotta be an art freak too,” Vinyl said, flipping another page. “Guess I shoulda told you that part from the beginning. If you wanna get anywhere in a conversation with Photo Finish—if you wanna steal her crazy-fleeting attention at all—then you gotta be super-well-versed in modernist and post-modernist aesthetics.”
“Buh?”
“Art crap.” Vinyl glanced up. “You gotta be proficient in art crap.”
“How?” Rainbow pointed at herself. “You do know who you're talking to, right?”
Vinyl sniffed the air, blinked, and smirked. “Honestly, I don't anymore...”
“Grrrr... Vinylllll...”
“Sorry, girl. You're on your own.” Page flip. “Maybe... go read a book?”
Rainbow tapped her chin in thought. She looked into the distance... then eventually winced.
“Wow!” Twilight Sparkle trotted across the front room, grinning felicitously. “It suddenly smells wonderful in here!” She called across the library. “Spiiiiike? Did you open up a window just now?”
“Twilight, please, you gotta help me,” Rainbow said. “I need to fill my brains up with as much stuff about modern and post-modern art as possible, and I haven't got much time!”
“Oh... uhm...” Twilight blinked up at her. “Really?”
“Yeah, really.”
“What brought this on?”
“Er...” Rainbow fidgeted, hovering off the ground with her scented hooves. “Uhhh... c-call it a friendly dare.”
“You and Pinkie up to a bunch of silly hijinks again?”
“Sure. Why not.”
“Well, thankfully, I have a whole section devoted to contemporary art.” Twilight floated several tomes off a top shelf. “I even have the latest edition of the periodical 'Horse Expression Monthly!'”
“Twilight... for real...” Rainbow gestured towards the floating items. “None of this is gonna do! You seriously expect me to read all of this crud in just a day and a half?”
“Why just a day in a half?”
“It's not possible, I tell ya!”
“Well, it's really the best I can suggest for you, Rainbow,” Twilight said. “I mean... heehee... this is a library.”
“Do you have any... any way that I can cram information into my head a bit faster than...” Rainbow shuddered. “...reading?”
“Hmmmm...” Twilight grinned devilishly. “There's always been one tried-and-true method that's worked for me without fail.”
“Yeah? What's that?” Rainbow blinked. Suddenly, she blanched. “Wait...”
Twilight hopped towards a desk. “The only solution to any studying bind...”
“Wait wait wait—on second thought—”
“...that's come through for me at the last second on many countless occasions!”
“—please, Twilight, anything but—”
Twilight spun around, fanning out several paper sheets while sporting a grin so big her eyes had to close. “Flash cards!”
“Aaaaaaaaaaughhhh!” Rainbow pulled at her jasmine-scented mane.
Rainbow hovered upside down in the middle of her bedroom, staring at a series of hastily scribbled words on white cards.
“'When Picassoats first unveiled La Gallopica at the First Prance Exhibition of the Neo-Classical Era, several critics of the art community were initially appalled, which led to the mural's dwindling into obscurity until a renewed interest in impressionistic art designs brought the masterpiece back to the public light a decade later...'”
“Uhhh...” Lancie shuffled up, raising a stone talon in the air. “Can I take the physical challenge?”
“Unnngh... knock it off, will ya?” Rainbow laid the cards on her fuzzy chest and rubbed her eyes. “I'm trying to study here...”
“With only a day and a half left?” Lancie gestured. “Don't you head out to the place tomorrow evening?”
“Ungh... did this stupid week fly by that quickly?”
“Yeah...” Lancie smirked. “Almost makes you wish a wicked rock ballad was playing in the background all this time.”
“Whatever.” Rainbow stifled a yawn. “It's too late for me to look back now.”
“I still don't see why we can't fetch a tank from someplace and just knock the high rise down. Surely the safe would pop open from such duress.”
“We've been over this,” Rainbow grunted. “I'm not going to do anything that'll get me in trouble.”
“But you're still gonna try and kiss the hoof of the illustrious Ms. Finish, are you not?” He folded his stone arms. “How do you plan to make her forget who and what you look like? She is a photographer, after all.”
“Believe me, Lancie.” She glanced down at him. “I'm going to go out of my way to make sure I am not myself for as long as I'm around her.” A sigh, and she flipped through her notecards again. “It's a tough job, but if it'll get me the shard, then I gotta do it.”
“Well, I'll be sure to help you every step of the way!” Lancie smirked, pumping a fist. “You won't be alone in this charade, my dear Sparky!”
“Actually, I will.”
“Huh?”
“You can't come along for this one. Sorry, pal, but you're staying home.”
“What for?! You need a wingman in your saddlebag for this!”
“I'm dressing light. I won't be bringing a saddlebag.” Rainbow sighed heavily. “Besides, it's not like you can...” Her words morphed into an indecipherable mumble.
“What was that?”
“It's not like you can...” She mumbled again.
He leaned forward, cupping his talon around a stone ear. “I beg your pardon?”
She huffed, finally blurting: “You can't fit inside a purse!”
Lancie blinked. He shook... snorted... then fell over, kicking his legs as he laughed violently.
“Unnnnngh...” Rainbow face-hoofed, frowning when she was rewarded with the pungent fragrance of jasmine.