//------------------------------//
// Chapter Fifty-Two: TARDIS Blues 
// Story: STAR TREK: EQUESTRIA 
// by Alicorne 
//------------------------------//



CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO



TARDIS BLUES


I caught up with the Doctor in three strides, gaining on him as he waited for the doors to the Cargo Bay to open.
“If we’re in so much of a hurry why did you stop to chat with Rocky?” I asked as he checked his archaic watch again.
“You were the one who stopped as I recall!” The Doctor said prissily. “Though I have to admit I allowed myself to get sidetracked by that young fellow and his tale about Strax. Nice enough fellow, that Rocky! Quiet, self-assured, competent and boring as Hell, no doubt! Shouldn’t this thing have opened by now?” He reared up and jabbed at the door button repeatedly in irritation.
“Let me see that!” I gave the Timelord a gentle body-block he couldn’t counter with a cargo handler and scrutinized the door controls.
“It’s locked!” I stated, already inputting my Command Override. “Now who in Hell decided to do that? I didn’t give any orders to that effect.” I grumbled.
“Somepony in Security is being just a tad overzealous, no doubt.” The Doctor echoed my state of grumpiness. “Time save me from well-meaning amateurs!”
“Don’t let Rocky hear you calling his ponies ‘amateurs’ or he’ll do worse than break your tail!” I admonished as the doors unlatched and slid apart. The Doctor sprinted through as soon as he had space enough to pass which gave him a quarter-second lead on me, call it two pony-lengths at the rate he was going. I was right behind him in two strides but I slowed down when we approached that single short and narrow door on his improbable blue box. I wondered how much of my wardrobe I’d lose going through this time?
“Ah! Just give me one moment, won’t you?” The Doctor worked the latch and stepped halfway through the door, his body bent around the other half of the door with his back half blocking my passage.
It is a peculiarity of the TARDIS that the open doorway showed absolute blackness beyond it no matter what side of the doorway one was on. The interior, as I remembered, was brightly lit though not a glimmer showed through to my side. When I exited the last time I couldn’t see the lights of the cargo bay. As for the Doctor, he might have been standing in the shadows of an airless moon for all that I could make out. His back end, with its broken tail hanging at a peculiar half-mast, moved a little this way and that while his unseen front end fiddled with something in the impenetrable blackness. There was a clack and the Timelord passed all the way inside only to reappear as both doors swung wide!
“You said it didn't open.” I observed, giving him a severe look.
“Well...” He rolled his eyes away and gave an apologetic cough, “You put my back up with your reaction to Miss Hooves. I'm sorry now but even Timelords have feelings you know! Although...” He rolled his eyes away again, perhaps to keep me from seeing the impish gleam in them. “If you were to lose even more of your clothing it would enhance the shock and surprise value of our little visit, wouldn't it? But you'd already know that, having been on the testosterone side of the street for a while.”
“Stop trying to look innocent, Doc, it doesn't suit you!” I gave the little stallion just enough of a shove aside to let him know it wasn't funny, ducked my head, and went sideways through the blackout barrier. I straightened up immediately as I stepped into the brightly lit Control Room just in time to make a reflexive grab at a colorful something that sprang at my neck!
“Star-reee! Starry, Starry, Starry!” Not even Augmented reflexes could intercept an excited Fey! The little tyke slipped through my fingers like organic superlubricant and gave me a hug! “Looky look-look what Tardis made for Tyllae! Pretty, pretty, pretty! Keeps alla metal from hurting Tyllae ‘cause Tyllae is all in-soo-late-ed! Now Tyllae can come inside to visit!”
I stepped aside so the Doctor could enter, reaching for the exuberant elf. “I can't see a slagging thing with you so close, kiddo!” Just when I scooped the giggling mite up I noticed we weren't alone in the room. I froze in mid-motion when I caught sight of Ditzy standing by the hexagonal center console stretching out her wing to have it tended to by Sunny.
“Hay!” ...Was the only thing I could think of saying.
Sunny, with a loop of glittering bandage draped across one arm, was intent on playing a subdural protoplaser across the midsection of Ditzy's starboard wing. She gave me the barest glance by way of a greeting while she worked. She spared enough concentration, though, to reply.
“Tis dandelions on th' menu fer lunch. Haycakes were this mornin'. I can understand why ye didna remember ‘em since ye scarfed yers doon so fast. Two great bloody helpings! Struth! I've seen sharks wi' more restrained appetites!” She gave me a reproachful look before turning tender eyes to her patient, smoothing the soft gray feathers down and gently flexing the wing before releasing it. “There now! Ye should be right as rain, Dearie. Jus give it a few hours afore tryin' any aerial acrobatics n' suchlike!”
The little gray Pegasus stretched her wing experimentally and gave it a cross-eyed examination before unfurling the other one. She was airborne in a single flap, fluttering in place with a huge grin on her open face.
“Thanks, Doctor Cross! That feels great! Just in time, too!” She pivoted in one air and waved a hoof at me. “Hi, Captain Eyes!”
“Now now, Miss Doo!” The Doctor hustled in behind me, making a beeline for the console. “We're on a first-name basis after all!” He snapped a hoof down on a lever with a big, red knob on it and the doors swung shut behind me. He trotted over to the far side on the station, running businesslike eyes over the readouts. “The lovely Medical Officer is Sunny...” He trotted clockwise around the island, scrutinizing one segment at a time. “The Captain is Starry, Tyllae is, well, Tyllae... and we're all set to dematerialize! Good job, Miss Doo!” He paused just long enough to rub noses with Ditzy... who wriggled in mid-air like a puppy... before taking up a position in front of that archaic CRT display of his to throw a wooden-handled knife switch.
At once there came an almost subsonic, echoing, somehow muted 'boom'. The transparent column in the midst of the center console lit up and began surging up and down slowly. The glittering trio of golden horseshoes within in began to rotate around their common axis as the echo of that weird, scraping groan I heard outside the Cargo Bay made itself heard from all points of the compass. As I watched each horseshoe proceeded to spin on their individual axes at right angles to its neighbor. All three spun and flashed within the confines of the cylinder in perfect synchronization. When they came up to speed... I can't think of any other way to describe what happened next... they all somehow managed to turn in unison ninety degrees relative to their common rotation!
I had to look away, my Mare in my head turning off her displays and refusing to look at, for lack of a better  term, a full-blown tesseract...four dimensions of spacetime made manifest in three! My stomach lurched and I fought down a wave of irrational panic while a wave of dizziness made me lean heavily on the console. I looked around, desperate to latch my gaze onto something that was stable in the three dimensions I'd grown up in.
My eyes wandered to Tyllae who giggled as she watched the things spin and whirl all over the laws of physics. She was clad hindquarters to head in a snug outfit like a set of footed pajamas made of a shimmering fabric like woven gemstones in swirls of pink and gold complete with a hood with wide eye hole leaving only her wings, tail, mane, and the soft end of her nose exposed. It would have looked a lot prettier if she hadn't chosen that moment to try and copy the motion of those impossible horseshoes. It was just a game to her!
“Whee!” She launched, somehow, into a forward spin, a portside tumble, and a yaw to a right angle to her previous directions all at once! I broke out into a cold sweat while breakfast tried to make a bid for freedom. I screwed my eyes shut and swallowed hard and almost didn't realize that my knees were buckling. The room grew dark around me as I thumped down on my backside, narrowly avoiding the breaking of my own tail by some minor miracle. I wanted to call out to Sunny, but it was taking all my concentration to ward off the waves of nausea and inexplicable panic.
I heard the Doctor say with unabashed self-satisfaction. “There! We are now outside Time. That should give us a little breathing space for us to plan our next move!” There came a short pause and I could imagine the cross look on his face. “… Don’t let’s everypony cheer at once!”
“I think Captain Starry is sick!”  I heard Ditzy observe.
“What ails ye, Starry-love?” I felt Sunny touch my arm just as blessed relief from the tumbling confusion flowed through me. When I dared opened my eyes I found myself staring at Sunny through the opalescent veil of her healing magic. I resolutely turned my back to the center console and tried not to tremble as the world righted itself. I could still hear the Goddess-awful scraping screech that synchronized with the bobbing cylinder behind me though and the sound brought back the memory of the sight of those damn horseshoes tumbling impossibly into improbable dimensions and I reflexively screwed my eyes shut as the Mare in my Head blanked the playback on her screens and reset her systems.
“What?” The Doctor snorted, sounding affronted. I heard hoofsteps and when he spoke again his voice came from much nearer. “Oh, dear! Well, well, well! As I said earlier, that’s just a tribute to how her mind works isn’t it?” I couldn’t see it just then, but I could feel his smug, patronizing smirk!
“Wassa matter, Starry-Starry?” Tyllae settled on my shoulder and patted my mane with a tiny hoof. “Starry looky all froggy-green!”
“I’ll be all right… in a minute!” I slurred before putting everything I had into bracing against the floor and preparing to stand. I made it over Sunny’s clucking protests, but it felt like I was standing on a thin sheet of very flexible duraplast high on top of a scaffold of a space elevator tower in progress… during an earthquake! Breakfast wanted out again as I broke into another cold sweat. I swallowed hard enough to gulp down a photon grenade and tried to make it look like I was casually leaning against the console behind me instead of propping myself up on it. I opened my eyes and blinked, locking my gaze on the doorframe we’d just come through. The double doors were reassuringly stable and firmly fixed in space. I shook my head cautiously and tried to shake that subdued roaring out of my ears…
“I’ll be ok.” I said more firmly without giving Sunny the slightest clue that I wanted her to stop. “I just had a bad turn or something. It’s my first ride in a damn time machine is all!”
Behind me and off to the side I could hear the Doctor opening and shutting what sounded like cabinets.
“The thing I like best about travelling with Ponies,” He said casually. “Is that I get to see things that I’ve never seen before. The Captain gets high marks for her self-diagnosis! She’s exhibiting all the classic signs of a condition I’ve never encountered before outside of the TARDIS manuals. She’d never have made it on Gallopfrey, I’m afraid. She’s time-sick! Some Ponies… or other beings… are unable to subconsciously tolerate the TARDIS’s translation into other dimensions. Their minds rebel against the irrationality of the situation and take it out on their bodies! It most commonly happens to beings with a highly developed and entrenched world-view that happens to be coupled to higher than average latent psychic abilities. I’m curious, Starry. Have you ever taken a … now what do they call it in this day and age… a Rhine test?” I heard him open a final cabinet with a satisfied sound. “Here we are! I knew I had a bottle knocking around somewhere!”
“Ye mean an ESP evaluation?” Sunny said, edging closer to offer me something to lean on. “There was some noise about yon before th’ Eugenics Wars but I’ve heard naught in decades about any serious research. Though th’ Vulcan laddies have been keen on finding out the psychic potential o’ Ponies for years. Seems they’re awash wi’ th’ ability by all accounts. I was informally tested back in Med School. …N’ by ‘tested’ I mean a bunch of us got together in th’ Dorm with a deck o’ cards wi’ stars n’ wavy lines n’ suchlike symbols and had a go at tryin’ t’ guess what card th’ dealer was a-holdin’. We were doin’ a wee bit o’ drinkin’ while we were at it, mind you! More of a game than a serious test, ye ken. Anyroad, nopony took down results!”
I had to swallow again before I could speak. “Starting next year Starfleet Academy will be testing the esper ratings of its cadets as part of its curriculum… at the behest of the Vulcans, I might add. I always figured I had the psychic potential of a cracked geode. I can’t predict lotteries or move an ore cart by concentrating on it much less setting things or people on fire or hearing pony’s thoughts or anything like that!” I made a motion to Sunny to have her stop her healing. I thought that, now that I was prepared for it, I’d be all right. She gave me a skeptical look but stopped anyway. I sagged against her despite my best intentions. Hoo-buck! 
I ignored her reproachful look as the Doctor trotted up with a long-necked bottle filled with an oily, electric-green liquid gripped in his mouth.
“Ere oo go!” He said as best as he could. I took the thing out of his mouth delicately and eyed the contents dubiously. The Doctor worked his tongue around in his mouth.
“Hmm, a bit of residue on the neck of the bottle... Oh, what memories that taste brings back! The last time I drank this was in the company of a delightful young lady, a courtesan of the court of Albraxis the Forty-third of The Mingian Drift.” He gave me a little poke with a forehoof. “Charming young thing, extraordinarily talented in the arts of… of…” The Doctor trailed off as Ditzy fluttered down to hover next to him with her errant eye firmly targeted on his face beneath a cocked brow.
The Timelord glanced at me for help but I wasn’t in the mood. He thought fast and cleared his throat.
“Cooking! She was quite the accomplished chef. Specialized in desserts as I recall. You know, cakes, pies, candies, all sorts of sweets and gooey goodies.” He smiled a weak and faltering smile at the blonde-and-dove gray Pegasus who only scowled at him.
“Aye, I’m sure she made a grand sort o’ tart!” Sunny sniffed. “Th’ hussy sounds t’ be eminently qualified!”
“Yeah, Doctor.” Ditzy said in a dangerous tone. “Tell us about how much you loved eating her ‘goodies’!”
I shifted my grip to hold the bottle by its base and eyed the slender neck and its rounded stopper askance. “…What the hell did you two do with this bottle, anyway?”
But the Doctor managed to regroup in that brief instant. “The drink is called Janx Spirit and it has the unintentional property of deadening psychic abilities in most species.” He said in his best lecturing voice, turning toward me and away from two pairs of accusing eyes. “It is instrumental in several telekinetic drinking games in dozens of star systems.” He shot a virtuous glance at Ditzy. “It also figures into several dessert recipes, I might add! Had quite a snappy advertising jingle associated with it as I recall… A mouthful or maybe two, given your robust physique, should set you up right as rain in no time.” He sat back on his haunches and looked steadily into Ditzy’s eyes, adjusting his red bow tie with both forehooves. Then his eyes widened and his expression froze suddenly and he gave a sort of strangled squeak…
“Oh dear! Forgot all about the broken tail. Ouch.” He said calmly. “If we’re quite done with the incriminating innuendoes I wonder if I could avail myself of your medical expertise, Sunny-my-dear, hard to concentrate with this going on, you know.” He hopped up and presented his injured extremity to Sunny who paused in her recriminations to blink in surprise.
“How in th’ name o’ wonder did ye manage t’ do that? Looks like ye had it crimped in a bloody hydraulic press!” Her professional instincts took over as she gently lifted it with the aura of her horn, concentrating as the spell revealed the details of the damage. “Ye’ve three breaks in a span o’ six inches, fer all love!”
“Doctor!” All of Ditzy’s burgeoning anger melted away into sympathy as she repositioned herself to survey the scene. Tyllae zipped around and took it in from several angles.
“Oooh! All crinkly-crinked! Tyllae can help!” She reared up in midair and quivered her wings, conjuring a little pink aura of her own that sought to insinuate itself between Sunny’s and the Doctor’s tail.
“I’ve got it, ye wee ambulance chaser!” Sunny waved the Fey away. “Tis no brain surgery, ye ken!”
“Aww! Sunny-Sunny doesn’t let Tyllae have any fun! Tyllae just wants to help. Tyllae knows what its like to breaka taily-bones. Tyllae hada tail caught inna mousie-trap once an it hurt!”
“That’s what ye get fer poachin’ th’ cheese! Now hush n’ gi’ me a minute t’ set this right, ye prattlin’ pooka!”
“Tyllae wassint stealing the cheese! Tyllae was taking it to give to poor, starving mousie who wasn’t hurting anypony. Nope, nope, nope!” The little Fey retorted. “And who Sunny calling a stoopid pooka? Tyllae issa Faery, not some stoopid magic Bunny! Stop calling poor, helpful Tyllae names like pixie anna pooka!” She stuck her tongue out at Sunny, her aura darting away to settle into Sunny’s mane… which promptly turned a mottled green and purple. Ditzy blinked, both eyes coming into focus out of sheer shock while I held my breath. The Doctor arched his eyes and murmured.
“Oh dear!”
“Now dinna be a sissy! I’ve given ye a proper arcane topical anesthetic. You’ll no feel a thing but a wee tug while I set th’ bones. A quick spell t’ mend things n’ ye’ll be just fine!” Sunny grumped. “Stallions ’re th’ biggest foals when it comes t’ bein’ hurt!”
“I’ll just look over here for a while then if you don’t mind.” The Doctor turned away to study the sedately bobbing cylinder of the center console. I almost looked myself, but stopped just in time. Instead, I popped the stopper of the bottle and took a quick swig. Compared to some of the Engine Room hooch I’ve sampled over the years it wasn’t so bad… even though it tasted like olives and cough syrup! The burning path it traced down my throat certainly took my mind off my other problems!
“Suit yerself!” Sunny shrugged. “Tis no even a compound fracture, though it must’ve hurt like fury! How ever did it happen?”
I was able to breathe by then, the Janx broiling my stomach like a hoof-full of sub-critical fissionables. I displayed the fingers of my free hoof. “It happened when the ship decelerated after we jumped in on the Werewolf. Must have been the same time Ditzy got hurt. The Doctor was airborne and heading face first into the Main Viewer. I grabbed what I could when he went sailing by. Like 				I told him before, considering where I grabbed him it could have been a lot worse!” Before I could stop myself, I giggled! I blinked in surprise at the funny bottle in my hoof as a warm blanket of wooziness settled over me. The dizziness and sense of panic collapsed like a warp field transitioning into realspace. Not bad stuff, it was no uskebaugh but still… not bad!
“Oh it’ll rot my brain and drive me insane. Won’t you give me just one more of that Ol’ Janx Spirit?” The Doctor singsonged to himself. He rolled his eyes my way and explained. “That’s part of the jingle. Just remembered it… Oy! Steady on!” He looked back at Sunny in alarm as she set the bones in his tail with a series of pops and crackles.
“Oh, hush yer gob ‘r I’ll let Ms. Ham-hoof have another grab at ye! If she nabbed ye at a different angle ye’d be a-singin’ soprano fer sure! ‘Hero o’ Time n’ Space’, forsooth!” Sunny muttered, intent on her task. “Struth! All that macho behavior goes right out th’ bloody window at th’ least wee ailment!”
Ditzy, her good eye on the Doctor’s tail… I guess… and her wandering one on Sunny’s mane giggled. I wondered exactly which thing she found amusing. I shrugged and took another belt just before Sunny snagged the bottle away.
“N’ that enough fer ye! Look at yerself! Pie-eyed already!” My Love gave me a severe look as she silently demanded the stopper. She paused to take a sniff of the contents and pulled a disapproving face. She treated the Doctor to a withering glare.
“I’m not pie-eyed!” I declared through a warm haze. “That’s just my natural…” I fumbled for the proper word until I was struck by a sudden inspiration.  “… Soulful expression!”
“Sunny’s being a big ol’ grouchy-grouch!” Tyllae scolded from her perch on my head. “Starry jussa little tippy-tipsy is all!”
The Doctor cleared his throat diplomatically and glanced at the archaic timepiece strapped to his foreleg. “Starry will be fine in a few moments. What you’re interpreting as intoxication is just the Janx hitting her system. As soon as she reaches equilibrium she’ll be just fine, I assure you. Shouldn’t take but half a minute or so.”
Sunny whirled on the Doctor. “N’ I’m assurin’ ye that yon Filly has blood like mountain spring water! No tolerance whatsoever! She’s three sheets t’ wind already! Hark at her gigglin’ like a bloody Loon!”
Okay, I was giggling but it was only because she looked so much like her Dad when he starts throwing his titled weight around.  But he’s older and better at it! The Mare in my head, to make her look more convincing, cut and pasted Amber Rose’s double chin-lock onto her face and gave her bushier eyebrows before running the image up on her Main Viewer. It was hilarious!
I stood up straight and made a serious effort to look super-sober, an effort that was spoiled by the first words out of my mouth!
“Oh balls, Sunny! Oops!” A tiny whee of laughter more suitable to a Fey escaped my lips before I regained my composure as she lifted a vindicated eyebrow at the sheepish Timelord. “Ahem! I’m stober as a sone, shober as a tone!” I took a deep breath and focused with all my Augmented might. “I’m fine …’cept my tongue feels kinda numb… an’ it’s kinda hard to focus… an’ there’s a ringing in my damn ears!” I couldn’t help giggling again. “Reminds me of our last night on Equestris Station! Remember? We got that bottle of alien brandy and Tyllae spent the night with Xantippe and you tried on that outfit I got for you! Wow! You looked hotter than the Molten River during a solar flare…!”
“Five… four… three… two… one!” The Doctor counted the seconds off against his watch and made a Grand Gesture toward me when he was done, looking smug.
And, just like that, everything snapped into crystal-clear focus precisely as if my nervous system had rebooted… which it apparently had! It was like one of those nightmares when you’re in front of the pickup about to present a lesson only to realize you aren’t wearing a jumpsuit. All the boozy camaraderie fell off me like electrostatically-repelled dust from a mine suit and left me with a hollow shell of an affectionate leer twisting my muzzle as it finally registered with me that there were other ponies in the room beside Sunny and Tyllae! I’ve felt more foolish on more that one occasion in my life but I would have been hard put to remember a specific occasion just then. The Mare In My Head sat bolt upright in her seat and slapped the kill switch to my larynx and initiated mortification protocols!
“Er, um…” I stammered as my muzzle flushed and my ears fell flat. Sunny shut me up with a finger laid to the end of my nose and peered intently into my wide eyes.
“Bloody Hell! I would’ve sworn she was bloody crocked, if me ol’ Dad is any comparison!”
“I’m not one who likes to say ‘I told you so!’…” The Doctor began, only to be cut off by Ditzy Do silently rolling her eyes, one out of sync with the other! He cleared his throat quietly and changed the topic.
“If she had taken much more you would have been correct. As it is she’ll have to take a little nip every hour, just a little taste should suffice. Just a couple of tablespoons worth should do it. Strictly for medicinal purposes, you understand!”
“Aye, ‘tis what me ol’ Dad always says about his uskebaugh!” Sunny snorted.
“Never stopped you from taking the occasional belt!” I grumbled, folding my hands behind my back and coming as close to parade rest as my dignity would allow.
“I ken when t’ quit, unlike some Pony I could be mentionin’! Drinkin’ tis a relaxation n’ no some bloody contest against meself t’ see how much I can hold!” Sunny replied primly. “Th’ trouble wi’ yon Equestrins is that everythin’ t’ them is some sort o’ personal challenge! Drives th’ whole lot o’ them batty if they feel they fell short!”
“If we’re going to descend into racial stereotypes…” I said, giving her a warning look. “I might be tempted to make some observations concerning the shallow and frivolous characteristics inherent to some Terrestrial Alicorns, particularly their nihilistic obsession with eccentric behavior at the expense of productive activity.” I said in my best Vulcan tones, staring straight ahead at a point on the far wall. Ok, I was feeling snarky. Truth be told, I was feeling a little bit hung over already and not at all in the mood for any more nonsense especially at my expense!
“Oh, dinna be a-throwin’ yer Command weight around!” Sunny glared at me. “There’s more n’ enough o’ it… Command n’ actual… t’ do somepony a mischief no matter how roomy ‘tis in here!”
That barb sank home with an almost audible thud and shattered my defensive composure more completely than a Roamulan Plasma Charge!
“Then you do think I’m fat, don’t you?” I asked, stricken.
Sunny turned her back to me just far enough to look at me out of the corner of one eye and crossed her arms defensively. “N’ ye think I’m naught but a spoiled airhead! Just try n’ deny it!”
“Hay! Wassa matter? Stoppit, stoppit, stoppit!” Tyllae entered the verbal fray, hopping from my head to Sunny’s landing with all four hooves in order to get our attention!
“She started it!” The two of us chorused, pointing at one another. “No I didn’t! You did!”
Neither of us ever came closer to being hexed by a Faery in our lives, if Tyllae’s resolute expression was any indication. Before she could screw up the resolve to do it, though, the Control Room of the TARDIS resonated with the shrill, trilling bleat of a referee’s whistle!
I clapped my hooves over my ears, wondering if this was how the Diamond Dogs felt when I pulled my desperate stunt. Sunny winced and did the same, her eyes wide with shock while Tyllae soundlessly yeeked and blinked away to the safety of my blouse to use my anatomy as an improvised set of earmuffs! Sunny and I turned to face the source of the noise.
The Doctor, with a shiny, tin whistle gripped in his mouth, gave us both a stern look. He quickly dipped his head into the nearest pocket of his suit and spat the whistle back where he got it.
“That’s it! Both of you, especially you, Starry, look at me. Don’t look at each other! Concentrate on me!” He locked eyes with me and weaved his head around, making me follow the motion. 
“That’s it!” He encouraged. “Lock onto me and pay strict attention… or you’ll both get a red card!” He flashed us both a frankly horsey smile!
“Now that I have your attention I just want to point out, before things get out of, ah, hoof that you are experiencing a quaint side effect of the Janx Spirit! It’s quite fascinating, actually! Not my idea of a recreational tipple, but ‘to each their own’, I always say! Personally I prefer a nice cup of tea with just a little lemon… and a blueberry muffin on the side with fresh butter. We’ll have to scare some up once I get done here. I could do with a bit of a snack!”
“Ye ken…” Sunny rubbed her ears and gave the Timelord a withering glance. “Once upon a time Ponies made a bloody industry out o’ suing Doctors fer malpractice!”
“Well we’re living in much more enlightened times now aren’t we?” The Doctor dismissed the comment with a smug smile and came over to where I stood, craning his neck to keep his eyes locked onto mine. “As I was saying the Janx has suppressed Starry’s latent active telepathic tendencies but has left her empathic functions intact or perhaps, just perhaps, maybe even amplified them a little if I don’t miss my guess. That is to say she’s no longer capable of higher telepathic functions but she’s still emoting, if you take my meaning. And, due to your already being in sync with her emotions, you’re picking up on it!” He pointed to Sunny triumphantly.
“I ken th’ difference atween telepathy n’ empathy, ye addle-pated twit!” Sunny snapped at him.
“Exactly! Just like that!” He cocked his head and peered intently at me. “It’s all tied up with her Augmented metabolism, you see! The alcohol hit her system faster and harder due to her higher metabolic rate. It’s also being purged from her system at an equally accelerated pace. And what happens after one goes on a minor bender…?”
“I get a headache from when some Pony starts blowing whistles.” I stated, suppressing an urge to rub my aching head. “Ok, I get it. I’m hung over! But what crawled up her…?” The realization struck home and I closed my eyes and sighed. “Sunny’s picking up on my, um, malaise on a subliminal level, isn’t she?”
“Precisely! There’s a lot more going on inside your head than you suspected, isn’t there?” He peered up into my eyes, first the right one then the left. “Must be crowded in there! I wonder if even you realize it.” The Mare In My Head ducked back and forth out of his line of sight, trying to stay hidden.
I waved him off irritably. “Stop that already! What do you think you’re looking for? Miniature Ponies looking out the windows of my eyes?”
“You might be surprised how often one runs into them…” The Doctor murmured, dodging around my hand trying to take my eyes by surprise.
Tyllae squirmed her way up to hang out of my ripped collar. “Only one Pony inna there anyway, Doctor! Poor itty-bitty Cappy Pony that Starry doesn’t listen to alla time!” The little fink giggled as I shoved her back down into my blouse like Amber Rose tamping an unruly wad of tobacco down his pipe.
“Do tell?” The Doctor drew back and cocked an eye at me shrewdly. “Well your mind works in truly interesting ways, doesn’t it? It goes a long way toward explaining why you are so important at this juncture in History!”
I blinked. “I what now?”
The Doctor’s only answer was to trot off to retrieve the Janx bottle. He picked it up delicately in his mouth by its long neck and returned to stand in front of me expectantly.
“Can’ awk ow. Eye outh eh foo!”
I took the thing from him, cupping my hoof around the bottom and scrupulously avoiding the area he carried it by. I fully intended to demand an explanation of his remark but he started talking as soon as his mouth was freed up.
“Just a sip or two ought to do it. A little venom from the manticore that bit you as they say… or something along those lines! Just enough to stave off your psychic hangover and no more, you’ll have to be clear- headed for what we’re about to do after all!” He beamed at me and urged me to take another drink with one hoof, completely ignoring the look I threw his way.
I gave up and yanked the stopper out with an audible ‘pop’, tilting the bottle up just enough to wet my tongue and fill my sinuses once again with the flavor of olives and cough syrup. I had to admit that, as alien booze went, the stuff wasn’t half bad after a while. It was certainly more palatable than some of the stuff Sunny had me try back on Earth. That Tequila from Mustangna we had back in Mexicolt took five years off my life with one sip!
Timelord inspired placebo effect or no, my burgeoning headache faded almost immediately. I rammed the stopper back home and looked around for a place to put the bottle. The idea of putting volatile spirits on a console of exotic electronics seemed to be an open invitation to disaster so I just jammed the thing into the left pocket of my slacks.
“Just fer th’ record.” Sunny cleared her throat pointedly. “I dinna believe that hangovers’re transmitted tele-bloody-pathically no matter who brews th’ liquor. I’m perfectly capable o’ bein’ a bloody bitch wi’out anypony’s help, thank you very much!” I kept My Big Mouth Shut and prepared to do the best thing I could in this sort of situation.
“Look, Sunny, I’m sorry for saying…”
“Oh bugger it!” She waved me off. “I’ve no been at me best these last few mornin’s n’ yon’s a fact. A matter o’ female plumbin’ I wilna get into wi’ mixed company. Gi’ me a few days n’ I’ll be back to me regular Sunny self. No harm done n’ no ill feelins’.” She sidled a bit closer to me and took one of my hooves. “Yer no fat n’ yer no sort o’ tyrant. I’m just a wee bit overwrought ‘tis all!” She gave my hoof a squeeze and treated me to a blast from her lovely, improbable eyes… something I’ve always been a sucker for… and I let the matter drop.
Tyllae, though, had other ideas. She squirmed her way up once again and pointed an elfin hoof at Sunny.
“Hay! Thassa fibby-fib! Tyllae thinks Sunny should tell Starry the truth! Tyllae has been very, very, very good and kept Tyllae’s mouth all shut jussa like Sunny asked ever since Tyllae noticed. Starry gonna notice sooner or later so howcome Sunny not tell? Wassa matter? Tyllae thinks everypony would be happy as Spring to hear! Phooey! Big Ponies all loco inna coco!” The little tyke crossed her forelegs and turned her back to Sunny.
“Hush yer gob, ye wee blabbermouth! There’s a time n’ place fer everything and this is no it!”
“Thassa buncha stinky-bugs! Starry gonna be doing something very, very, very dangerous! Faeries know alla bout Outsiders like Thooly-Doodle, yep, yep, yep! Strange Magic sometimes get lost anna come down outa Stars. Not bad, ekzackly, just way, way, way too different from what Big Ponies unnerstand. Faeries kept Big Ponies away until there were too few Faeries an way too many curious Big Ponies for poor Faeries! Big Ponies get all messed up by Outsiders every time. Tyllae gonna help, yep, yep, yep! Doctor an Starry gonna need Faery help with Thooly-Doodle!”
“Whoa, back it up, Squirt!” I plucked the little Fey out of her hiding place and put her in my palm so I could look at her with a little more of what passes for dignity within the confines of the TARDIS. “First of all, you’re not packing a full load of Faery firepower these days. From what the Doctor is saying I don’t know just what you think you can do against this… thing! Don’t swing a pick at more than you can dig kiddo! You’re as brave as they come but you’re way out of your league when it comes to these ‘Elder Gods’. …And what’s this about Sunny?”
But Tyllae was not to be distracted. “No, no, no!” She shook her tiny head until her antenna whipped back and forth! “Big Ponies alla time think Big Ponies can make Outsiders behave! Big Ponies just not grown enough to have that kinda strength, nope, nope, nope! Big Ponies think Big Ponies can just trot up and wake Old Sleeping Things up and give orders. Nuh-uh! All Big Ponies can do is get caught up inna edges of Old Ones’ Dreams but thassa nuff to get all crispy-crisped like poor moths inna bonfire. Very, very, very bad! Big Pony brains cracka up lika old, dead leaves an poor bodies get all twisted up when they get caught up inna Old Thing’s dream. Big Ponies very, very, very clever but sometimes too fulla own cleverness an thassa fack! Big Ponies onna Her-mees think Tyllae jussa silly little bug ‘cause Tyllae talks funny to Big Pony ears but Tyllae doesn’t mind! Faeries smart fromma long, long, long way back. Faeries don’t build star-shippies or have anny-matter but Faeries been doing Magic long, long, long before there were Ponies. Very ,very ,very old an deep ,deep ,deep Magic that not even Celestia an Luna know! Clean alla big Pony brains outa ears an lissen to Tyllae!” The little tyke, antenna quivering, hopped up and down on my palm in frustration.
The Doctor chose that moment to intercede. He cleared his throat diplomatically and spoke in a calm, reasonable voice.
“Ahem! Now while I can’t claim to be any sort of expert on Things Magical…”
“Hoots!” Sunny stage-whispered to Ditzy. “Write that in yer Diary, Dearie! Yon Doctor’s admittin’ there’s summat he knows naught about!” The grey Pegasus only smiled a soft, secret smile at the stallion from Gallopfrey.
“I didn’t say I didn’t know anything about it!” The Timelord cocked an irritated eye at Sunny. “Magic is a Science that I am, at this phase of my long life, not as conversant with as I am in the Physical Sciences. I do however have sufficient working knowledge of its basics to know that we lack the sheer Arcane power to take on an Elder God! The technology of the TARDIS should give us ample protection…”
“Fooey!” Tyllae stuck her tongue out at the Doctor. “Dokker hasn’t lived as long as Faeries! Alla years of Dokker’s life jussa little pile of mousie-poop nex to Tyllae an Tyllae’s family almosta old as the World! Just like Tyllae said, Big Ponies too fulla self alla time!”
“Now see here my little Fey!” The Doctor regarded her sternly, for all the world like a Captain dressing down a  cheeky Ensign on the Bridge of his own ship. “I am very over one thousand years old and I spent the vast majority of that time dealing with more Alien species that you could shake your little pink tail at! As a member or a species that has travelled all of Time from one end to the other I know whereof I speak!”
Tyllae’s prefaced her rebuttal with a very wet raspberry that carried all the way to where the Doctor stood, if his sudden blinking and shaking of his head were any indication! The Mare In My Head cheered the little Fey on though I kept a carefully neutral expression.
“Wassa thousand years? Tyllae has flea-bities ten times older! Fooey! Timelords not so smart! Timelords needa build all kinds of TARDIS to go zippety-zip through Time an poke noses inna what not ready to know yet. Tell Tyllae what good came of alla fancy making an doing. Tyllae knows when Tyllae talks with Dokker. Tyllae sees! Timelords so very smart an great! Where Timelords now, Dokker? Tyllae knows! Tell Starry an Sunny an Ditzy whahappen to Great an Powerful Timelords! How many left?”
The Doctor went very still and a veil seemed to drop over his eyes. What looked out of them was something aloof and terribly alone. He didn’t quite flinch before he asked softly, “And where are the Wise and Wonderful Faeries?”
“Safe onna Other Side!” Tyllae snapped back immediately. “Almost every little one… for now. Future not done yet. Faeries not so silly as to say what is an what must like all of Everything gotta do like what too-proud Timelords say! Faeries passed outa this world into nex one an wait. Timelords all dead, dead, dead forever with nothing left! Faeries stayed Home an tried to do good by alla peoples there. Timelords wanted to make alla worlds do what Timelords said should do when Timelords wanted. Who wiser, Dokker?” Was it a habit we had gotten into or was it some design of the Fey that made us tend to regard her as silly and flighty? I paused to wonder as she regarded the Timelord with a sad regalness that she wore like a badge in memory of her kind. 		For his part, the Doctor held her gaze with a sad defiance. Perhaps he, too, was honoring a memory of a person… or a place… or a people. For a brief instant something like a terrible guilt flashed across his eyes before the shields slammed down. After a thousand years there must be many things, given the life he’d chosen, he chose to suppress. I often wondered about the things Sunny and her Dad saw in the long journey of their lives. The hints and occasional comments they both made on occasion made me curious. On Equestris we mind our own business. Whatever he did in the past the Doctor offered to help us now and that was good enough for me. …Though I wondered about what Tyllae was privy to. I had just cleared my throat to say something to deflect the course of the conversation when Ditzy spoke up, making an effort to fix the Fey with both her golden eyes.
“That was mean, Tyllae. I didn’t think you could be that way. The Doctor told me what happened to Gallopfrey and I don’t care. He’s the most wonderful Pony who ever lived!”
Tyllae dropped her gaze and just about wilted under the eyes of the gentle Pegasus. “Tyllae is not trying to be mean but Tyllae sees what Tyllae sees when the Dokker talks… and summa what Tyllae sees is scary! Tyllae is scared of an for the Dokker. Dokker walks onna thin edge, sometimes onna Light side, sometimes onna Dark. When onna Light side Dokker is as wonderful as Celestia but, when walking inna Dark, Dokker is scarier than Nightmare Moon. The scariest thing is… that the Dokker chooses where Dokker walks. Tyllae hopes the Dokker will stay onna side of Light forever. But the Dokker sometimes feel old an tired, Tyllae knows! Really, really, really! Wanna help an do good but sometimes is too, too, too much. Sometimes the Dark is too big. Even a little Faery like poor, poor, poor Tyllae gets sad. But Tyllae has Tyllae’s nice, nice, nice friends around alla time. Tyllae does Tyllae’s best not to let the Dark scare Tyllae’s friends. Yep, yep, yep! Tyllae last little Faery an Faeries help Big Ponies no matter how big an scary the Dark gets! The Dokker has Ditzy. Issa same thing! Tyllae knows, Tyllae sees!” With that she launched her little self into the air to hover in front of the Timelord’s muzzle. She laid her cheek against his nose and stroked it with a tiny hoof.
“Tyllae only said what Tyllae said ‘cause Tyllae loves the Dokker. But Timelords aren’t Faeries, nope, nope, nope! Tyllae knows what Dokker does issa big, big, big thing anna years pile up on poor, poor, poor Dokker like snow onna pine tree. But a tree is jussa tree an’ can’t hold up alla snow inn whole world by poor, tired self. Trees know better than to try, but Big Ponies…” Tyllae shook her little head and looked at each of us in turn before continuing. “Big Ponies need help no matter what Big Ponies think! No more Faeries, no more Celestia, no more Luna. Poor Big Ponies alla lone with nothing but Science an bravery to hold back the dark.” She sighed and flitted up to perch in my mane like an exotic flower.
Sunny took my hoof and gave it a squeeze and Ditzy moved over to nuzzle the Doctor.
“We’ve a wee bit more thin Science t’ get us by, ‘n case ye didna notice! Not all o’ us ‘r content wi’ their computers n’ suchlike.” Sunny gave me a little poke in the ribs.
“We’ve always got each other… and muffins!” Ditzy said brightly. “Muffins make everything better! Let’s make some, I’m hungry and I think we could all use a snack.” Her muddled marigold eyes beamed at all of us before returning to the Timelord. 			“What do you say, Doctor?”
The Doctor did not reply immediately, he was far, far away from us at that moment. He stirred and looked at Ditzy, blinking. At first his eyes were flat and cool, still focused inward upon something we were never made privy to. They lit up, the warmth and life flooding back in from somewhere he shut them away at times like that, and he smiled a smile aimed just at Ditzy.
“I think that is a simply smashing idea, Miss Doo. Do we have any blueberries left, I wonder? And tea! I could do with a really good cup of tea just now. I have some particularly good Darjeeling grown on a world in the Nebu Cluster you might appreciate, Sunny, since you’re a denizen of Bittain… Bittain still exists at this point, doesn’t it? Oh, well, it doesn’t matter. It’s still very good tea. Let’s get the good china out while we’re at it since we have guests. We’ll make it a proper tea party!”
I felt rather than saw Tyllae nod thoughtfully. 
“Big Ponies got thissa much from Faeries, at least!” She giggled.
“Now wait one rock-rubbing minute!” I protested. “We’ve got time for muffins?”
The Doctor paused just long enough to rub noses with Ditzy before springing away like a manic puppet!
“Madam!” He fixed me with a severe look before attending to various controls on the TARDIS’s main console. “We are in the TARDIS and we have all the time in the worlds! Well… maybe not all the time, but we can spare an hour or so of relevant continuum for the sake of preparation without stressing things too much!” He’d completed his circuit of the TARDIS control island and skipped his way to the upper deck surrounding it, his mind sprinting along as quickly as his voice. He stopped dead, suddenly, remembering we were there no doubt.
“I’ll be back in a tick! There might be a thing or two knocking about in one of the storage rooms that just might give us the edge we need to send our mutual problem back to R’lyeh for a good, long nap! Miss Doo, why don’t you take our friends down to one of the kitchens and see to those muffins? I’m famished! If you don’t want muffins there’s any number of things to eat. Custard is good! Custard and fish-fingers! Sounds a bit off-putting but just give it a try, I speak from personal experience! It’s all a matter of finding the right cupboard in the right kitchen!” He lurched into motion again, tossing comments over alternating shoulders as he took the last few steps toward the door.
“Stay close to Miss Doo! Don’t wander off too far! All corridors lead to the Control Room but some corridors take a more roundabout route than others. It’s all safe, well, mostly safe… fairly safe, anyway. Tell you what…if it moves toward you, well, run away! I’ll sort it out later! Let’s meet in the Garden, we’ll have a picnic! Toodle-loo!” He trotted through the door and was gone. 
“Bye-bye, Dokker!” Tyllae trilled and waved a forehoof. Ditzy smiled a peculiar sort of smile, the kind that was sort of like a relief valve for all the affection she obviously felt. The alternative was to burst into sheer radiant joy and splatter innocent bystanders with unsolicited mushiness. The same sort of look Sunny says I give her when I think she isn’t looking. Alicorns!
Sunny sealed up her medikit and slung the strap over her shoulder. “Sounds like we just got our marchin’ orders then. We’d best be off! Truth be told, I could do wi’ a wee bit o’ summat t’ settle me stomach. All this bleedin’ dodgin’ about in starships like they’re bleedin’ fighter planes’d be enough t’ put anypony off their bleedin’ feed!” She paused in her grousing to fish a compact from her pocket and flipped it open like a Starfleet comm with a practiced flick of her wrist to expose the mirror.
“… Sure n’ I’m certain t’ be lookin’ like a bleedin’ train wreck…” She muttered as she took stock of her locks. She froze, except for her wrist which twitched frantically as she took in the entirety of her new mane colors.
I flattened my ears out of reflex, preparing for the screech while the Mare in my Head hit the Red Alert button and braced for the explosion. Ditzy held her breath and managed to bring both eyes to bear in widened anticipation while Tyllae took refuge behind my mane. The little so-and-so, feeling a little bit guilty by then, peeked out.
“Welllll… Shouldn’t have called Tyllae names, nope, nope, nope!” She quavered.
I shifted into peacekeeper mode. Sunny doesn’t have a violent bone in her body but she does have temper that would make a Tellarite beam in admiration. Her storms never last very long, to be sure, but she can be a (Self-professed!) awful bitch while they last. The trick is to distract her by making her listen, if not to reason then to just babble. As long as I was doing the distracting there was a chance she’d listen. Still… I’d rather face a Tellarite Grievance Committee!
“Now, Sunny, I’m sure it’s not permanent! Tyllae’ll make it right and she’ll even apologize. Won’t you, kid?” I said, quickly and with pointed emphasis to the wannabe mane-stylist cowering behind my ear.
“Uh-huh! Tyllae is very, very, very sorry!” The little Fey chimed in dutifully, nodding emphatically enough to make my ear twitch. I experienced a wave of gratitude for Faery discretion that lasted for one tenth of a second until she added.
“… But shouldn’t call Tyllae names! Tyllae does not call Sunny bad names! Nope, nope, nope! Alla time pick, pick, pick on poor little Tyllae who only tries to help!” The Mare in My Head facehoofed while I stifled an urge to swat my mane.
“Damn it, Tyllae!” I figured I had to act fast and dramatically if this was going to end quickly. “If you want to help, stick a few more control rods in instead of yanking them out! Fix her mane already and say you’re sorry with no conditions or no muffins for… hey!”
For Sunny, instead of rounding on the two of us in fashion-offended indignation, rolled her lovely eyes up into the top of their orbits and collapsed backwards!
I caught her before she fell six inches, her compact clattered to the deck and I kicked it out of the way as I lowered her dreadfully limp body onto her back. My mind raced and I forced my heart not to follow suit as I felt for her pulse behind her ear. She wasn’t fevered, but there was an element of dampness there and on her forehead as well. Her pulse was steady enough and she seemed to be breathing all right so what the Hell was going on…?
The scandalously low, by Equestrin standards, neckline of her blouse was no impediment to her breathing and I knew for a fact that the eschewed a bra that day. I didn’t have any concerns for her respiration as far as her clothing was concerned. I turned her head to one side lest she should vomit and choke before I tore open her medikit to retrieve her Medical tricorder. Ditzy darted out of my field of vision for an instant and returned dragging an incredibly long scarf; the damn thing had to be fourteen feet long if it was an Equestrin inch and was banded in muted shades of brown, tan, and red. With a dexterity I wouldn’t have thought possible for a Pony without hands, she folded upon itself seven or eight times into a hefty pad with plenty left over and slid it under Sunny as I paused to gently lift her head.
“Thanks, Ditzy!” I spared a moment to pour all my gratitude into my eyes before hurrying back to business. “Does this thing have a Sickbay?”
The blonde Pegasus looked doubtful. “There’s an Emergency Room and an Operating Room, is that close enough?”
I nodded quickly as I broke out the tricorder. “Works for me! Just let me find out if it’s safe to move her…”
“What’s wrong with her? She was fine when she was fixing me up. I didn’t do anything, I promise!” The way she said that last bit made me look at her. She looked back at me with out-of-sync marigold eyes that so trembled with self-recrimination that I had to pause. She dropped her gaze to the deck next to Sunny’s head.
“I’m sorry. It’s just that back Home in Ponyville… in my time… if something broke or something happened to somepony when I was around it was usually my fault.” She swallowed. “Or at least they said it was.” There was just enough defiance in those last words to make me feel proud of her. Equestris wasn’t built on a roll-over-and-take-it attitude and we don’t have any patience with anybody who wallows in self-pity. Fiddling with the equipment kept me from saying something kindly just then.
The tricorder was made, of course, for a Terrestrial Pony; a too-tiny box with itty-bitty buttons and a remote sensor that was like a thimble in my hooves. I bobbled the thing and almost crushed it as I kept it from dropping.
“Luna damn it!” I snarled.
“Here, let me.” Ditzy reached up with her head and delicately removed the stylus attached to the side of the thing with her teeth. She transferred it to the bottom of her upraised left forehoof and held it up expectantly.
“Ok. Now what do I press to turn it on?”
I didn’t really have time to but I gaped anyway!
“… How in Badlantis are you even holding that thing?”
“What?” She blinked and looked at the stylus in her hoof like she was doing it wrong or something. “I’m just holding it. It’s not much smaller than a pencil, after all! You should have seen the Doctor when he first came to Ponyville! He still holds things in his mouth, but he’s getting better with practice.” She dimpled a smile at me.
I had to shake my head. “For being a so-called Derp, you’re head’s on tighter than mine! I should have seen the stylus. I guess I’d never make it in Ponyville, either!”
“It’s not the mistakes you make; it’s what you learn from them. The Doctor taught me that.”
“Well… he knows a good Pony when he sees one, doesn’t he?”
She blushed but was cut short from making a self-deprecating comment by our favorite Fey who chose that moment to flit up between Sunny and the tricorder.
“Starry doesn’t need that thing, nope, nope, nope! Sunny ok! Jussa needa little air!” She proceeded to hover solicitously in front of Sunny’s muzzle and fanned her face with her wings.
“Look, Squirt, malpractice on your own time!” I made a shooing motion with my sensor-bearing hoof and held it over my Darling. “Just press that one on your left, Ditz! …Your other left! That’s got it!” The Feinberger whirred to life in my fingers and I waved it from Sunny’s head down to her navel twice, letting it gather information on all her major organs while Ditzy waited intently with the stylus.
“Ok. Hit that one to display the results… now touch the top one in the subwindow to compare to Alicorn baseline readings. Green for Earth Ponies, Blue for Pegasai, Yellow for Unicorns, White for Alicorns, hit that one.”
“What’s the red one for? It says ‘Xeno’.”
“Aliens. Hitting that will open another window to give you more baseline readings to compare to. …Here we go… Ok, heart rate and respiration normal, blood pressure ok, no abnormal brain activity, Kirlian and Arcane Aura normal… so what the Hell is going on?” I frowned at the readouts. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Tyllae put a forehoof in her mouth and bite it, looking worried. 
If I had a hoof free I would have snatched her out of the air and demanded an answer. As it was I speared her with my eyes. 		“Tyllae…?”
“Nuh-uh! Tyllae already inna ‘nuff trouble for today! Tyllae promised notta say a word, nope, nope, nope! Trust Tyllae! Sunny a-ok, Tyllae promises!” She sketched a little ‘x’ across her chest and looked so solemn that I was having a hard time being irritated with her.
“Hay!” Ditzy pointed with the stylus at the tiny screen. “It says her blood glucose levels are rising. But they’re rising back into the safe range… I think.”
I pulled the tricorder closer to my face. Sure enough, the readings were coming up from low normal as if they’d just dipped and were recovering. I squinted at the readouts. It didn’t make any sense! Sunny is an Alicorn! As far as I understood these things their inherent Magic keeps them healthy. There was no possible way she could be diabetic. The only way she could have a non-permanent low glucose levels would be if she were fasting. True, she hadn’t been eating breakfast for the past few days but she was just coming off her, ah, female cycle and she sometimes had a few digestive issues. She’d said something to that effect just before this happened…
On an impulse I had Ditzy call up readings on Sunny’s blood chemistry. There was only so much a tricorder could do with remote readings but I didn’t think the situation warranted my taking a blood sample to put in the analyzer compartment. 
For an amateur, the little grey Pegasus didn’t do so bad. She only hit the wrong commands twice and dropped the stylus once, snatching it out of the air with her mouth with an apologetic look before getting back to work. The results didn’t make sense! I had her run the sequence again… and again.
Finally, “Ok. I can’t make sense of this! In the corner of the screen is an icon labeled ‘diagnose’. It’s for non-Medical Ponies like us to use in emergencies. We must be missing something the machine will catch.”
“I don’t know…” Ditzy looked up at me hesitantly. “I’m not a medical doctor, but from I’ve read… and I read a lot of stuff… it’s kinda obvious!”
I gave her a quizzical look. “It is?”
She shrugged her forequarters and wings and ran the diagnostic function. The tricorder whirred and beeped to itself.
“She has to be sick or injured somehow.” I protested. Ditzy rolled her eyes away and looked non-committal.
“What?” I demanded. The tricorder beeped that it had reached a conclusion but before I could consult the screen Sunny spoke up.
“‘Sick ‘r injured’ me hoof!” She groused quietly. “I’m pregnant, ye great lump!”
“What!?” My eyes flicked to Sunny, who raised herself onto her elbows with a sigh, then back to the screen. There, in glowing letters, “Diagnosis: Pregnancy < than 1st Trimester. Fetal Development 2.78%. Access Obstetric Database or consult Physician. Nearest Medical Facility is **Unknown Distance** away.”