The very first thing people think of when they envision Hell is the heat. All of the lava and fire builds up to an unbearable temperature, searing your very skin. So, the first thing that Ricky noticed about Tartarus was the heat, or rather, the lack of it. It felt warm, sure, like a sunny day down in the lower elevations near Welfork Manor. However, it was almost as if it was hot, but there was a cool breeze, so that Ricky could feel the burning heat all around him, but it never touched him, and his skin felt normal. Happy that his body was not going to suffer eternal torment, Ricky finally looked around his surroundings. But, there was a mysterious lack of tormented souls in the landscape. Puzzled, Ricky began walking, trying to find someone, anyone, down here.
After a bit of walking, he noticed that the hilly terrain that he had been walking on lately was beginning to level out, and there was just one last hill. Summiting it, Ricky could see a broad plain, stretching for many miles. On all sides of it, however, hills rose from the valley sides, with one actually qualifying as a small mountain, obviously a volcano. Down on the plain itself were quite a few buildings, their hell-soil smudged surfaces were near a pure black.
Staring out on the plain littered with buildings, Ricky decided it would be best to go down and try to find somebody, anybody at all.
His walk down the hill was quick, avoiding charred trees and rocks in the path of his descent. The ground soon flattened out, and Ricky quickly passed by the first buildings in this little settlement, nestled in between the volcanic mountains of Hell. 'What a charming description,' Ricky thought. Suddenly, something caught the edge of his eye.
He ducked behind the building without a second thought as soon as he saw what he thought it was. Quickly sneaking a peek back around the corner, his dreads were confirmed. Just a few feet away from Ricky stood two Roman legionnaires, fully equipped and on patrol. Ricky knew that trying to fight would be suicide. Stealth was not an option, as there was no cover, not to mention that Ricky was not quiet nor light on his feet. There was a third option, but Ricky didn't like it at all. However, it seemed like the only viable one.
'Ah, what could they possibly do to me anyways? I'm already in Hell,' Ricky thought resolutely, before putting the third option into motion. He walked out from behind his cover, approaching the two Romans, who had just noticed him. "Excuse me, good sirs? Do you speak English?"
"State your business in Tatar, outsider!"
'Well, that answers that question,' Ricky thought. "I just got sent here, and I don't know where in Hell I am - literally."
"What's your name, and why are you here?"
"Ricky Welfork, reporting on account of the agenda of a pissed pony princess." Ricky snapped a crisp salute, to which the legionnaires responded by stamping their foot, a sign of salute from the Romans, before looking at each other.
"Ricky Welfork?"
"Yeah, that's me," Ricky replied.
"Can you please come with us, sir?"
Puzzled by the sudden use of sir, Ricky simply nodded, and the legionnaires pivoted and began marching through the town, apparently named Tatar. Ricky jogged to catch up with them, before marching beside them at the standard cadence of 76 steps per minute. Passing many buildings that looked like they had just been in a kiln, Ricky instead focused on any other life around them.
What little he could see were a mixture of humans and ponies, which was good. Some of the humans were wearing military garb, as were some of the ponies, as well as he could tell. Ricky noticed a multitude of uniforms, including, but not limited to, a Wehrmacht uniform, a knight in armor, a hoplite, carrying his hoplon and sarissae, a Redcoat shouldering his musket, and some modern gear. As he was looking, he suddenly noticed his two escorts talking to each other.
"What do you think, Aeneus?" The one on the right spoke.
"Damned if I know. We were giving Pompey a good thrashing, but it was still balanced when we both died. But, to be honest, Flaminitus, I think Caesar beat the hell out of him."
Flaminitus snorted derisively. "I doubt it. We were highly outnumbered. Even with Caesar commanding, I don't think the legions could withstand the weight of the assault."
Aeneus sighed. "Until we find someone who knows their history, we'll just have to wait. Caesar can't be bothered with such trivial matters," he said to his companion, Flaminitus, who joined Aeneus in his sigh.
"Hey, what battle are you guys talking about?" Ricky asked, genuinely interested.
"We don't know the actual name, but it was in Macedonia, between Caesar and Pompey. What was the name of that one town near the battle, Aeneus?" Flaminitus said. Aeneus put his hand to his chin in thought, before he nodded slowly.
"Pharsalus, I believe," Aeneus said slowly, as if he wasn't sure if he was right.
"Ah, Pharsalus." Ricky said, remembering the biggest clash of land forces in the Roman Civil War.
"Wait, you know of Pharsalus?! Who won?!" Flaminitus nearly shouted. Ricky grinned at his enthusiasm. 'Finally, someone who likes history,' he thought.
"Caesar, though I don't know how. He won the civil war, too." Ricky recalled. Aeneus nearly jumped for joy, while Flaminitus grumbled, but with a smile on his face.
"You, sir, owe me fifty denarii," Aeneus said triumphantly, while Flaminitus continued to grumble, before pulling something out of his pocket. He opened his palm to reveal golden coins. Ricky's eyes widened. True Roman denarii were right in front of him, the stuff of a history nerd's wet dream. Flaminitus began to count, taking a minute before dumping some into Aeneus' outstretched hand, who continued to laugh while pocketing it.
"Hey, could I see one of those?" Ricky asked. Aeneus looked back at him, obviously deciding whether or not he could trust him. Finally deciding, Aeneus fumbled around in his pocket for a denarii, before pulling out one and flipping it off his thumb to Ricky, who caught it. He turned it over in his fingers, savoring every moment, as the two compadres continued their bantering.
"I'm lucky you're not superstitious, or else we wouldn't have any money," Aeneus joked, eliciting a chuckle from Flaminitus.
"You know me, a man of practicalness. That's what you get when you're the son of an architect," Flaminitus joked back, earning a hearty chuckle from Aeneus.
"You know what they say, only one religion on the battlefield," Ricky chimed in, getting laughs from both legionnaires, before looking back to the stamped gold coin in his hand, "You know, it's really cool to hold something over 2,000 years old that's authentic and looks brand new."
"Meh, it's just money to me," Flaminitus dismissed.
"Yeah, money I won from you," Aeneus joked merrily, with a glint in his eye. Flaminitus looked to the charred dirt in front of him, muttering something, before looking back up to Ricky, who was laughing at Aeneus' joke.
"Hey, how'd you get that thing?"
"What thing?" Ricky asked.
"That!" Flaminitus pointed to Ricky's right hand, and Ricky brought it up to his face so he could see it.
On the middle of the backside of his hand was, well, it was a tattoo, to be frank. It was of one man, standing alone from a group of others. His head was lowered, as if he was sad, about to cry. Ricky just stared at it, before finally speaking again.
"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!" Ricky screamed, making the two legionnaires flinch slightly at the force of the outburst.
"Hey, calm down! Deep breaths!" Aeneus said.
Ricky nodded quickly, making his chest expand slowly, filling up with air like a tank fills up with gas. "I want, no, I need to know how that got there."
"You know what I want to do? I wanna go and shake the hand of the archer who managed to put an arrow right between my eyes!" Flaminitus said, jesting about how he died as he tried to defuse the tense situation. Thankfully, it seemed to work, as Ricky's body slumped back down a bit more.
Aeneus chuckled. "Hey Mr. Welfork..."
"Just call me Ricky, or Rick, or Richard." Ricky replied, having calmed down a bit after his last episode.
"Ricky's a good name. Anyways, Ricky, what exactly happened to the Roman Republic?"
Ricky dug up knowledge from the recesses of his brain. "It went on for several hundred more years, eventually turning into an empire, until it collapsed in on itself. Rome was raided many times, and now the only entire building still standing is the Colosseum."
"But how big did it get?" Flaminitus asked.
"From Britannia in the north, Spain in the west, Parthia and Armenia in the east, and Egypt in the south, including everything in between." Ricky answered.
The two men's jaws lowered quite significantly. "Wow. That's just... crazy." Aeneus said disbelievingly.
"Okay, now, my question for you two: what legion were you in?" Ricky asked.
"Aeneus was in the 12th, and I was in the prized 10th." Flaminitus puffed out his chest at that statement slightly.
"Ah, Caesar's loyals." Ricky stated.
"More like Caesar's lapdogs," Aeneus said. Both him and Ricky broke into loud laughing. Flaminitus looked offended at Aeneus' comment, but the infectious mood got to him, and soon the three were in stitches. 'So this is what being in the army is like. The camaraderie, the good laughs and spirits, it's all so nice,' Ricky thought.
Suddenly, the two legionnaires looked up, before abruptly halting. Ricky, after bumping into Aeneus, followed their gaze. Standing in front of them was by far the biggest building that he had seen in Tatar, dwarfing the huts around it. A large flight of stairs led past a row of columns, using a style of architecture much like the Greeks and Romans. Around the edge of the foundation were many sculptures, weathered and blackened, depicting scenes from all different types of myths. One was Atlas, with the heavy burden of the world resting on his shoulders for all eternity. Another was Orpheus, playing his lyre and singing as he walked through Hell. Yet another was of Hades, sitting on his new throne, fuming after being tricked by Zeus. There were the likes of Sisyphus, Midas, Persephone, and more adorning the walls of the giant structure. Ricky was breathless as he gazed on it. Then, Flaminitus spoke.
"Well, Ricky, this is where we leave you. Just go in. He'll be waiting for you."
"Wait! Who's "he"?" Ricky asked, but it was two late. The two friends had left. Ricky sighed sadly as he watched them leave, before turning back around to face the set of stairs leading up to the door.
"Stairs! My mortal enemy!" Ricky said exasperatedly, before beginning the climb.
(Cue the epic Rocky music! Oh, shit, narrators aren't supposed to talk! Balls balls balls bal...)
Ricky finally made it to the top after a half minute of jogging up the stone stairs. Panting slightly, he shoved open the giant double doors, which were quite fancy, being plated with - albeit tarnished - gleaming silver.
The room itself was simply a large hall, with doors branching off to the sides. At the end of the hall was a great golden throne. Unlike the outside, this metal was immaculately polished, the sheen of the torchlight making it positively radiate light. Ricky was instantly reminded of the golden statue of Zeus in his temple at Olympia. But, instead of Zeus at the helm, there was someone - or something - else.
Sitting there was one of the weirdest creatures that Ricky had ever seen. A mish-mash of different creatures' parts, it looked like a kid had broken apart several action figures, and then combined them into one giant one. Among some of the parts were an eagle claw, two horns, an overhanging fang, and a lion paw. All of these and more were attached to a serpent-like body that was covered with fur. Two red and yellow eyes sat atop the head, like the cherry on top of God's freak creation. And then it spoke.
"Hello again, Ricky." It had an accent that was painfully familiar, but Ricky simply couldn't place it. 'Wait, again?' Ricky suddenly realized.
"Discord? I-Is that you?" Ricky asked.
"Ah, so you do recognize me! Probably because I'm just that FABULOUS!" Sparkles appeared from nowhere to highlight Discord in their glow. Staring at him like he'd gone insane, Ricky walked up to Discord, who was still posing.
"Um, no, and, why didnt you tell me you looked like... this!" Ricky gestured with his hand at Discord, who's smile instantly vanished.
"Well, I didn't think that kind of thing would matter to you, Ricky! I thought we were friends!" Discord started to cry, but, out of nowhere, two giant glasses appeared and caught Discord's tears, who, once he was done crying, grabbed them both, extending one out to Ricky with a smile on his face. "Water?"
"No," said Ricky, pushing the claw and glass of water away. "Anyways, why, pray tell, are you in Hell?"
"Oh, I love rhymes! Like, there was this one where..." One glance at the look Ricky was giving him silenced his rant.
"Ahem. Anyways, well, to put it bluntly, I'm an outlaw. Just like you. Having a God of Chaos in Celestia's perfect little world didn't exactly appeal to her." Discord said.
"So, you brought me here so we could do a Lone Ranger duo?" Ricky asked sarcastically.
"Ah bup bup! That's not all! You still have three others to meet. In fact, they're waiting for us right now," Discord said, trying to push Ricky across the floor.
"Fine." Ricky said. 'I hope they at least look normal-ish.' He thought, right as he walked the through the door Discord had been shooing him towards.
On the other side was an oak wooden table. How Discord managed to get something flammable through Hell, Ricky'd never know. There were five chairs, situated around the table. Three were already occupied.
The first creature was by far the most normal at the table. It was a black and green-colored pony, about the size of Luna. However, it had holes in its legs and horn, and in its wings. It stared at Ricky quite fiercely, as if trying to bore holes in his head with its eyes.
The second one, well, it was quite massive. It had a shadowy body, with wispy tendrils curling off of the back of its form. It had a horn, like the first one, and a small crown rested astride it. It had massive green eyes, but they weren't filled with hate, at least, not towards Ricky. It simply looked on passively.
The third one was simply a small figure, wrapped almost entirely in a brown cloak, like a bigger version of a Jawa. It's yellow eyes completed the look, simply staring at him. It's eyes showed contemplation, but also cold calculation, trying to see how much Ricky could do. Discord promptly took the fourth chair, and Ricky slowly walked forward and slid into the last chair, eyes darting between the three creatures.
Tense silence reigned supreme in the small room, until Discord cleared his throat.
“Well, let’s do some introductions.”
“I’m Richard Welfork, but you can call me Ricky or Rick if you want to,” Ricky started reluctantly, still eyeing the three around the table.
“I am Queen Chrysalis, sovereign of the as-of-yet unrecognized Changeling Nation,” the green and black one said, in a voice hauntingly similar to that of Celestia.
“King Sombra, the rightful, yet exiled king of the Crystal Empire.” For a king, his introduction was very quiet, almost humble.
But if Ricky thought the last one was quiet, he had another thing coming. “Tirek, pleased to make your acquaintance,” he said, in a voice bordering on a whisper.
“Sorry, but Tirek doesn’t have much power yet, but once he does, he’ll be unstoppable,” Discord said.
“Ha, unstoppable!? He’s an old codger!” Ricky cracked up, just laughing as Tirek’s yellow eyes narrowed slightly.
“Uh, Ricky, let me show you something, quickly.” Discord said hurriedly, before he snapped his fingers.
Ricky was suddenly in the middle of another barren, scorched field. but, no, this was not Tartarus. This was the real world of Equestria. Wondering exactly what - or who - had caused such an immense level of destruction, he turned towards the smell of smoke, fresh on the air.
Standing a few hundred feet away was a creature that literally made Ricky shit his pants. A giant minotaur towered over some ponies, huddled in a cluster as they stared, terrified, as the minotaur bent down. He picked them up, before opening his mouth. As he did so, something orangish began to come out of the ponies. As Ricky looked on in utter horror, the orange things went into the open mouth. Once he was done, he flung the bodies into a close-by building, letting out a primal roar that shook the very mountains to their cores.
“That’s Tirek,” Ricky heard. He turned to see Discord, munching on some popcorn, just before his mind went blank.
His eyes suddenly fluxed and snapped back into focus. Ricky did nothing for a good minute or so, except turn his head ever so slightly in Tirek’s direction, who was sitting in the exact same spot as earlier. Then, Ricky moved. Quicker than lightning, swifter than Rainbow Dash, he was at Tirek’s feet. “I’m sorry! I take back what I said, just please don’t KILL ME!!” He began to think of what could happen if Tirek did kill him, and that made it even worse. Discord quickly pulled Ricky off of his knees, putting him back in the chair, before snapping his fingers. A zipper suddenly appeared where Ricky’s mouth would have been. Even when his shouts became muffled noises, Ricky barely even noticed anything.
“Let me guess, you showed him old me,” Tirek guessed.
“Correct, but anyways,” Discord said, “I suppose you’re wondering why I’ve gathered you all here today. Well, I have a… business proposition for all of us.”
“And that is?” Sombra asked.
“If we work together, it’ll be easy to take out our common enemy,” Discord explained.
“Equestria.” Everyone said perfectly in sync, including Ricky, even though it came out as “Mmmphfhf.”
“Exactly. If we can beat them, I propose that we could split it between us. Chrysalis has an entire nation at her disposal, not including the fact that she’s the only one of us not stuck here for a while. Sombra will be the first in position to take back the Crystal Empire, which is scheduled to reappear this year. Tirek has unimaginable power, if he can acquire it. Ricky’s the best at commanding armies, and he relates best to the humans here, which our our best soldiers. And me? I’m a God! If we combine, we stand the best chance of doing this.” Discord finally pitched his plan. Everyone else thought for a while, even Ricky. Finally, Sombra spoke.
“I’m in.”
“The full Changeling nation is at our disposal.”
“Eh, why not.”
“Mmmpphhf.”
Chrysalis slammed her hoof on the table, “It’s settled.” But it was then that Sombra noticed something. “Hey, Chrysalis, what’s that on your hoof?”
“Ah, you noticed. I got this about 20 hours, right as Discord brought our human friend into Eqqus.” Ricky, interested, looked at the hoof that Chrysalis was holding on the table. It showed a woman standing away from a group, oddly like Ricky’s, but instead of looking away, she was staring right at them, anger on her face. But, not only that, but the woman was also giving the others the bird. Ricky tried to laugh, before realizing that he was still zippered.
Sombra held up his crown, sliding it off of his horn and onto the table. On his crown was the same scene, except with a man, and he was smiling evilly while cracking a whip above the group’s heads. “I got this at about the same time yesterday.”
Tirek also made some manuvering in his coat, before pulling out a gnarled stick, most likely a staff of some sort. On the bulb at the top was another carving. It was a man, standing over the same group, with a smoking gun in his hands. Each of the group had a hole in their foot.
Discord finally moved, pulling out his lion’s paw. Yet another marking was there. This one, however, was quite different. Instead of one of the man, there were several, forming a rudimentary circle around the small group, which sat huddled in the center, staring in fear at the clones around them.
Ricky was the last to move, holding out his hand, revealing his tattoo. Everyone looked at each other. “This means something,” Discord said. Everyone looked at him like “No shit, Sherlock”, and Discord quickly shrunk back.
“Well, if these mean something, then I guess we had better figure out what.” Tirek said, and everyone nodded. Silence then became the norm as everyone thought. Finally, Discord stuck out his paw into the middle of the table, saying “From what I can tell, mine represents Confusion.”
Sombra slowly stuck out his crown, still held by his hoof, to meet Discord’s paw. “I think mine’s Tyranny.”
Chrysalis stuck her hoof into the middle. “It doesn’t take the brains of Discord to figure out that this is supposed to represent Hatred.”
Tirek spoke next, the end of his staff joining the group of accessories and appendages. “Cruelty,” was all he said. Now everyone looked to Ricky.
He thought for a minute more, and then stuck his hand in, completing the pentagon. “Mmmphff.”
Discord suddenly realized that Ricky still couldn’t talk, and smiled sheepishly at Ricky as he snapped his fingers again. Now that his mouth was back, Ricky could speak. “Rejection.”
Suddenly, everything lit up in a giant flash of white, before slowly fading away, like a giant flashbang. When it was gone, the five tattoos were now glowing slight shades of colors. For Ricky; blue, for Chrysalis; red, for Tirek; orange, for Sombra; purple; and for Discord, yellow. Everyone stared at their hands before switching to look at everyone else’s.
“Question. What exactly shall we call this… interesting partnership, to say the least?” Chrysalis asked.
“The Fearsome Five?” Sombra suggested. “Oh god no, that sounds like those shitty leagues of supervillans that always fail.” Ricky countered. “Actually, I’ve got it! How about… Chaos Incorporated?”
“That… might actually work,” Chrysalis said.
“I’ve no problems with it,” Tirek said.
“I still think mine was better,” Sombra muttered. Much to his chagrin, everyone else heard him, an one glare made him change his mind. “Uhh, I mean, it’s great!”
“Well then, it’s decided! We are now… Chaos Incorporated!!!” Discord cheered, as did everyone else.
“Now, Fearsome Five, roll out!”
“SHUT UP!!!”