Equestria: A History Revealed

by Hoofry_Poneigher


Chapter 24: The Millennial Stagnation – Equestria in Stasis

The Millennial Stagnation Station was a new period in Equestria’s history, and among the longest, lasting for, you guessed it, one thousand years. What, you want to get a medal or something? Get outta here.

Sure, history was able to break it down into several subsections, splitting it into delectable chunks of sugary sweet historical goodness by event significance. Technically, the last century of the Millennial Stagnation wasn’t really considered to be a stagnation (by some only. I can assure you that under Celestia, Equestria will always stagnate and die; alone, drunk, and unfulfilled, in a puddle of its own urine), so technically, the Millennial Stagnation couldn’t really be called a “Millennial Stagnation.” Again, history could take some lessons from me in naming. Try perhaps the “Nonacentury Stagnation”, or the “CelestiaEVILEVIL FROM HER BIRTH TO FOREVER Stagnation”. Doesn’t it just roll off the tongue?

The Millennial Stagnation (I’ll concede for now, only because it’s less letters to write than my suggestions) is another point whose exact timeframe is still debated by history. It seems that historians have difficulty reaching consensus on this, with many splitting the millennium as they saw fit. Some considered the restructuring period as its beginning, while others believed it began once the rebuilding was over, as that was when the true stagnation begun. But no matter how you see it, you can’t argue it existed. Until now.

Yes, once again, in my radically different yet all-revealing history, imma gonna argue contrary to all them idiots. The Millennial Stagnation never existed. And you’ll see why in a moment.

Well maybe I should rephrase that. Yes, Equestria was in a new age, so I shall continue to title the age as the “Millennial Stagnation”. But it’s a name I keep only for clarity purposes. For as I just revealed, the “Millennial” part of the name was a lie, and as I shall reveal now, so was the “Stagnation”.

So the Millennial Stagnation (when I say that, don’t think of it as a literal Millennial Stagnation, but rather as an age simply called the “Millennial Stagnation” for no real reason in particular) was indeed its own thing, and was characterized by Celestia’s political funk,[279] Equestria’s inability to return to or surpass its Classical levels of glory (in the eyes of historians), and the social unrest of Equestria, specifically in the pegasi and earth ponies, at the time.
       
        Equestria rebuilt itself, the nation had resources to sustain itself, yada yada yada. But there would be some changes brought on following the war. Many of which, as I said, would also serve to further characterize this age.
       
First let’s cover the military, as I can also cover some of the pegasi crap there. Following the Last Roundup campaigns of the Nightmare forces, most of Celestia’s war forces returned home for the reconstruction that I had aforementioned. However, there were still many a pony who stayed behind and intended to join the army permanently.[280]

Maybe that thought that had nowhere else to go? Or felt bonded to the friends they made in battle, and vowed to serve their princess for the rest of their lives? Or, as the more likely possibility, these were the clones that I was talking about. After all, no sane pony would want to spend their lives serving Celestia when they could just go home. Besides, where would the clones go from here anyways? Back into the pool?

The Equestrian military was going under quite the upheaval upon the Civil War’s conclusion, especially keeping the results of the Trial at Fillydelphia in mind.[281] The remnants of the URINE forces and what remained of her Civil War forces were essentially reformed into a new army, the Protective Pony Platoon, which stands to this day.[282]

The PPP? A little inappropriate, don’t you think?

Anyways, the, pfff, “PPP” was made up of all three races, and was further divided into unique subsets. The most famous of which, Celestia’s Royal EUP guard, still serves to this date as well.[283] Of course, the PPP and by extension, the EUP guard, were of course, somewhat different than their predecessors. Most notably in that they were built upon Celestia’s greater reliance on clones. Yes, there’s no “real” sources on this or anything, but c’mon. What sane pony, given such a tremendous army-building resource, wouldn’t use it to its full potential and manipulate it for their own ends? Unless you’re implying that these mirror pools are only used for fun one-off shenanigans. Which is an utterly ridiculous sentiment and will be ignored starting now.

Not only was this “clone restructuring” done because of their ensured loyalty and powerful skills (clone deterioration notwithstanding), but there was more to it than just that. After all, like all things Celestia did, there’s always a hidden agenda. Obviously while only a minimal number of pegasi generals actually rebelled, Celestia understandably would have some distrust over the past pegasus monopolization of the forces, especially knowing that many pegasi would be inspired by Thunderhide’s speech. Therefore, Celestia under the guise of “fairness” ensured that all kinds of pony would be allowed to die in a blaze of glory under her name, effectively allowing earth ponies and unicorns to volunteer for the army as well.[284] And what was even better, was that the unicorn guard was mostly filled with the clone veterans, ensuring that she had unicorn spies infiltrating the army (as they would obviously stay eternally loyal to Celestia as long as they lived), allowing Celestia to secretly observe the pegasi’s actions. For these clones would inform Celestia of any possible future pegasi-military insurrections, as well as fulfill the “equality” clause of the PPP without actually needing to risk any of her pure-blooded prissy unicorns in an actual combat situation.

Of course, apparently sources agree that many unicorns supposedly volunteered readily to help their princess in her dire time of need.[285] But…let’s just pretend they’re clones right? It makes thinking so much easier for me. And I don’t like overworking my brain too much. It’s starting to hurt when I think too hard, and I’m starting to get more and more nosebleeds. Maybe some more of Larry’s smart pills will do the trick.

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OH GOD WRONG PILLS WHY DOES LARRY EVEN HAVE SO MANY VIAGRA PILLS WITH HIM WHAT SHOULD A MARE DO IF SHE HAS AN ERECTION LASTING OVER 4 HOURS OH LAWD CELESTIA HELP ME

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Ahem. The newly made General Firefly (or fyre flye in accordance to the Old Canterlot way of spelling); the replacement of General Thunderhide, was known for her heroics during the war, especially in her leadership in initiating the pegasus charge into the Everfree Forest and her crazed appreciation for Celestia (which is most likely why she was promoted in the first place).[286] But she is more remembered for another role of hers, which began when she volunteered to put on an air show to boost the morale of ponies during the restructuring period on the first anniversary of Luna’s defeat.[287]

Of course, Luna’s banishment was not exactly a cause for celebration for Celestia (since she was still in her “silent grief” stage), but she had to maintain her façade for her citizens and herself, and so the first ever “Summer Sun Celebration” took place.

Her team’s aerial display was responsible for the formation of the Wonderbolts, a subset of the pegasi army, whose duties surmounted to little more than flybys for children’s birthday parties, I’m sure. I would go into the history of their formation, but it seems as though every pony and their mother already know it by heart, especially if they can make plays and uniforms about it in a minute’s notice.

Eventually, Celestia would go pretty crazy on the whole “eternally loyal clone thing”, and would make some earth pony and pegasi clones join the ranks as well. After a while, the normal pegasi presence would begin to be overshadowed; the bulk of the army now replaced with mirror pool clones of unicorn, earth pony, and pegasi origin alike.

While Celestia’s placement of these spies to infiltrate the formally uniquely pegasi army was a diabolical move on her part, it had a side effect of increasing pegasi unrest. For even though the pegasi were pretty dumb, they weren’t as dumb as the unicorns (and of course, both of their races’ intelligences combined is still less than half of us earth ponies’; that stupid earth pony brain study notwithstanding). They surely noticed this racial integration; more specifically, these clones slowly taking their place, and as expected, started getting pissed. The creation of the Wonderbolts was also possibly a concession to the pegasi military, but the pegasi’s slow loss of majority in the PPP was not lost on them.

As seen in history, pegasi were always prone to the sin of pride, boasting “We’re Numbah One” and doing triple keg stands upside down on clouds.[288] Which is why they’re my second most hated pony race, behind the obvious unicorns (alicorns don’t count, they’re just cosmetic differences). With this in mind, the pegasi’s seeking of more power was understandable.

They didn’t want a new country or anything, but they wanted more pegasi in power; a greater political representation, if you would.[289] This would be problematic, especially given the established unicorn aristocracy’s staunch refusal to relinquish any of it. And Celestia obviously couldn’t have this, for as said in chapter 12, it would threaten her balance of racial power that was needed for her regime.

While she would be willing to make weak-willed concessions (as we’ve seen; the creation of the Wonderbolts), she could not totally undermine the structure which helped her maintain her hold on the throne. And it was this failure to live up to the words of Thunderhide that caused anti-Celestia sentiment to grow, silently but surely.

Slowly too. Did I mention that? This pegasi movement was strong, but took many a century before it had any noticeable impact. You would think ponies who would pride themselves on their quickness would get a headstart on something like this.

Historians specializing on past pegasi society state that,

“While they were unhappy with their Princess, they still did love and respect her. It would take a while before Thunderhide’s words would truly take root, they would eventually grow into an uncontrollable problem. It was an absolute certainty. And Celestia knew this as well.”[290]

So with that military/pegasi stuff out of the way, which will be returned to after the pegasi nationalization movement really picks up steam, I can cover some of the political and economic factors that historians say defined this era’s stagnation, and then chew their words up and spit it back in their ugly faces as I prove them wrong.

Politically, yes, there was the appearance of change. Celestia began taking less and less of an active role in politics, slowly isolating herself from the rest of the nation (except when absolutely required of her, such as the “morale boosts” during reconstruction, and the Summer Sun celebration).[291]

She was supposedly in her “grieving phase”, not wanting to show her weakness to her citizens who needed her strength, therefore choosing to spend more and more time in her room alone.[292] Which, by all means, is perfectly fine with me. Less of Celestia is always a good thing.

With this, the radical propagandist policies and her cult of personality of the Classical Era dramatically shifted into a less, how should I say; obnoxious form. As Celestia began to close herself off from the rest of the nation, it would only make sense that her regime could no longer continue to pride itself on her godlike strength. With this, certain freedoms came with it; governmental control over communication and news lessened, and all external ways of thought control slowly began to dissipate completely.[293]

But I’m ahead of the uptake from all you morons. Yes, supposedly, one would think I was quite pleased with this; Celestia began granting greater freedoms to Equestria. However, I know that such an action was only made for appearance’s sake.

While all obvious forms of control were removed, the subtle forms not only remained, but grew stronger as a result, spreading its roots across all of Equestria like a silent weed. The thought police, the paranoid police, the hidden messages in breakfast cereal boxes; all of these secret ways of keeping us ponies in check only increased as a result.

Celestia probably only rid herself of obvious propaganda to give an appearance of concession to those demanding change; to make it seem as though she had heeded Thunderhide’s words. But it was all a sham; a fascade. Celestia was like an ogre onion. She has layers you see. Not like layers of complexity, but more like layers of EVILLL! Like on the outside, she maintained her strong appearance, in an attempt to convince the nation that their glorious leader was still strong. But on the inside she was grieving over the loss of her sister and her failures that led to all of this suffering (this most delicious layer of all). But inside that was another layer, one that secretly wanted to keep her secretly evil and secretly manipulative methods at full, secret power. Secret.

All in all, while it seemed as though Celestia had changed, in truth, she really didn’t. She never does. And she never will. Which is why a well thrown javelin to the back of a certain pony’s head could be the answer to all of Equestria’s current problems. I hope that pony I paid off for the Equestrian Games keeps his word.

I will admit though, that while Celestia’s inner methods of control remained, the disappearance of her external methods still made this “stagnation” the best era ever for Equestria under Celestia’s rule. For Celestia began to take a back seat to politics, and we would all benefit from that. Of course, she still manipulated certain things, but as a whole, she left many things untouched, which would allow Equestria to flourish as a result of its new freedom from its oppressive ruler. Ya know, until Celestia busts out of her angsty state and places Equestria back in deep shit again.

With Celestia’s non-interventionist actions, Equestria began to move towards an isolationist policy, like its former neighbor, the Crystal Empire.[294] You know, the nation that Celestia previously attempted to open up, which caused a bloody war which acted as a catalyst to the even worse Civil War, and had a net result of causing it and all of its citizens to disappear into the cracks of time? Yeah, hopefully Equestria does better than that.

And it did. Not only in the political spectrum, but in the economic spectrum as well. For despite data that said otherwise, I have found a source that said that Equestria’s economy not only flourished during this period, it flourished exponentially.[295]

Equestria’s new isolationism, and reliance on itself theoretically should not have changed the country as dramatically as the other 99% of the sources say. For Equestria was always rather isolationist, only opening up to its griffon neighbors once it was a greater power than the sorry nation. Some historians say that it was because of Equestria’s “lack of economic change in a changing world” that the “stagnation” could fully take hold.[296]

A certain historical economist (holy frick, that’s actually a thing?) can be quoted as saying,

“As soon as Equestria was back on its hooves, [she] should have opened up wider to the world, not only drawing more heavily from her newly established relationship with the steady Griffon Republic, but by seeking help from some of the flourishing smaller pony nations to the east; loss of political presence on the world stage notwithstanding.

This may have been humiliating before especially in regards to the Griffons, as Griffo-Equestrian politico-economic relations a scant years past consisted entirely of the Griffon Republic’s sole reliance on her Classical-level economic power. However, bowing [her] head in shame and asking for help from the weaker nations or establishing stronger inter-trade connections with them, while seemingly foolish on an immediate political standpoint in terms of the balance of power, would have been benefited Equestria tenfold in the long run. Such an international system of trade would have completed the ‘economic revolution’ Equestria needed to sustain its postwar self, and allow herself to evolve along with the times.

But it was the official power base in Canterlot, who foolishly held to their newly-restored pre-war pride with the ‘return to normalcy’ in a post-war world, and refused to ‘sink to such a point’; a decision that Equestria would suffer for. And with the princess’ own grieving period, her absence in these political meetings only heightened its detriment; an effect that can be owed to the loss of Celestia’s wisdom and good sense.

For with the Celestia-absent government’s decision to crudely stick to the system of the past, it ensured it would fall far from its former status, especially with the tremendous costs of the post-Civil War reconstruction efforts; an economic dip that Equestria would not fully recover from. An immediate rethinking of the system of old was needed in this new age, and the lack of progress or change made in this regard ensured Equestria’s continued stagnation.”[297]

And in response to that excessively boring block of test, a certain historical genius can be quoted as saying,

Fuck you. I’m not reading all that.”[298]

So by following its whole “isolationism or bust” policy, Equestria, instead of pursuing other economic opportunities (like, I dunno, maybe gold mining?), chose to shut down all potential losses of revenue, instead of using them as a basis to open new gains.[299]

Cuz it’s all about the gains brah. Lift errynight and erryday. Not me though, I prefer sitting down on my sofa and eating Cheetos off my stomach. But there is a certain beauty in watching Larry carry all his heavy crap by himself after the donut shopkeeper is anonymously alerted to his presence and kicks him out from his box-home near the back dumpster. That’s the kind of manly conviction I like to see, if you know what I’m saying.[300]

Back on track now (that’s a lie, this train of love has no brakes), Equestria chose to cut off its promised trade agreements with the griffons.[301] Not really trade agreements I suppose, rather more like its promises to provide necessary resources to the steadily growing nation at large subsidies to allow them to return to economically flourishing levels.[302] These trade agreements, made shortly before the Civil War, were expected to take full precedence with the completion of the war, and the Equestrian reconstruction that followed it.[303] But with Equestria’s sudden refusal to honor these agreements once reconstruction efforts were completed, there would obviously be some political fallout from this.

Celestia was still in her moody, “I-wanna-be-alone” state, so she didn’t have many objections to the decisions that the unicorn ruling class made (as she wasn’t exactly present in many of these meetings for many of these post-reconstruction years), even if it was essentially blowing up the bridges she had been building for the last couple of years.

Were the Griffons super pissed off about this, especially as it occurred without so much as a warning or a formal apology from the princess, who seemed to disappear from the political stage? Sure. Did this cutting off of Griffo-Equestrian trade policies deal a massive blow to their own restructuring? Of course. But was this great for the world as a whole? Absolutely.

For the pro-Equestrian griffon ruler, Valorua, was forced to resign in shame, being scapegriffoned into accepting the blame for this betrayal, which paved the way for a harsher, more by-the-numbers ruler, Chancellor Papillon.[304] If they were in a buddy-cop action-comedy film, he would totally be the tough, plays by the rules kinda griffon, in contrast to the goofy, yet lovable cop pony actress who rakes in the big bucks at the theater. Like a good cop-bad cop sorta situation. Which fits this perfectly because Papillon may or may not have been evil. Or at least that’s what all the books say[305] (and we know how trustworthy those can be). In my graciously intelligent, wise, and humble opinion, I’d say he deserved a posthumous Clover Peace Prize for all his work in the field of ethnic cleansing.

For without continued Equestrian support, in the Griffonzillania Republic, or whatever the heck the nation’s called, Chancellor Papillon took more radical actions to support the Griffon’s rapid growth efforts, the most infamous of which were his food saving plans and a greater initiative on agriculture, to support the now rapidly growing griffon population.[306] Known as the “Great Pounce Forward”, the plan was a spectacular failure, and was responsible for the mass famines that would overtake the nation. Some even theorized Papillon purposely orchestrated its failure as part of his plan to grant himself more and more power to “stabilize” the nation, eventually allowing himself to be crowned supreme emperor fifteen years later.[307]

And the Griffon Republic eventually became an empire again. What is this now, like the 56th one? And now you can see why I honestly couldn’t give two shits about griffon history, it’s like someone’s just recycling plots at this point. It’s like poetry, it rhymes.

Celestia’s actions (or rather, lack of action) in dealing with the Griffon Republic…Empire…thing was viewed as an indirect cause to the crisis. Of course, most place the blame on Papillon for his, planned or not, incompetence in the management of the Great Pounce Forward, and many defend Celestia in this, saying that after Griffon trade lines were cut off, so were any form of political communication, so Celestia would have no idea of the Griffon’s suffering until many centuries later.[308] But nonetheless, Celestia’s political withdrawal and absence in the world stage, no matter how slight, was the catalyst for the mass starvation and millions of deaths that resulted from it in the Griffon Republic.

And that’s something I can say I respect. Seriously, one of the only good things Celestia was able to accomplish in her regime was only achieved due to her not doing anything. Quite a curious correlation we have here, no?

While most would condemn the voicing of my positive opinion over a famine that killed millions of innocents (what? It’s a free country, or at least it would have been if Celestia wasn’t still alive), a totally certified griffon academic source had personally told me,

“I don’t think [the mass Griffon deaths were] that’s enough. [They should have killed much, much] You are going to have to pay me more, Miss Change.”[309]

See, even trusted griffon academia* sees the famine in a positive light, so I’m not (as big of) a bigot like you claim.

To close off the economic side of things, Equestria, ignorant to the suffering of the Griffons, were able to free themselves from the “trade agreement burden” (as the Celestia-absent government had called it), and the unicorn ruling class expected their economy to quickly return to Classical Era levels.[310]

But it didn’t. Sucks to be them.

Or at least that’s what most scholars say. As you know, I’ve always had my doubts about Classical Era numbers and its accelerated growth rate, and called them into question by branding them with my “historical embellishment” stamp of justice. So by-the-by, no matter what historians say, what facts they spew out of every bodily orifice, I will make the bold (and truthful) claim that the Stagnation/Classical economic numbers, once all the bull is cleared out with my eyes of truth, were in fact, mostly the same. Because of this lack of actual change or economic detriment, this essentially proves the falseness of this so-called “Stagnation”.

Anddd, even if I’m somehow wrong (which I, for some reason, doubt incredibly), I would say a small dip in our economy is a great price for indirectly causing the deaths of millions of dirty featherclaws. For other great deals and more, check out some of our great coupons at Genocide ‘R’ Us.

"Our Vision is to put knives in griffons’ hearts and a smile on pony faces."[311]

With nothing new and Celestia still probably in withdrawals, probably consuming more cake by the ton than usual, Equestria was stuck in a period of inactivity. But not a stagnation, as I’ve said. Just nothing really that interesting happening I guess.

There was some other bullshit in which Celestia, in an attempt to ameliorate the angered bourgeoisie, and to an extent, the rest of the population (who were starting to feel ignored by their princess in her absence), started an extended family program (which may have also been an attempt to fix her own loneliness and guilt for banishing her sister), in which members of high class would be chosen to receive titles as her many “nieces and nephews”.[312]

While the main goal of this was to keep the upper class satisfied (whose happiness was what the regime’s lies depended on), it was also done to provide the nation with the appearance of Celestia’s presence. For while these “relatives” were given no real political or ruling power, their very existence alone gave the impression that they represented Celestia in her absence, even if they were just figureheads[313] (and dickbags. Let me add dickbags in there). This definitely satisfied the unicorn populace, with many now trying to present themselves as more favorable to the princess in their own attempts to gain these positions.[314] But, by choosing only unicorns to fill these positions, it would have a negative effect on the already dissatisfied pegasi and earth pony groups. Unfortunately, they wouldn’t do anything drastic for a few more centuries.[315]

I mean sure, there were dinkly earth pony protests, especially owing to the fact (as I had said), us earth ponies really did get the short end of the stick, and the slow “questioning Celestia” postwar movement, but they were quickly put down and/or ineffectual.[316] You might say this was a huge leap in the politico-social realm, as Luna and Thunderhide were achieving what they had initially planned, but to that I say, whatevs.

Of course it’s great that us earth ponies (and by extension, pegasi, I suppose, who began short-lived protests as well) were starting to rebel against Celestia, but in all honesty, these events got little more than thirty participants.[317] And while it’s great that we’ve got some numbers, I’m afraid I won’t be entirely satisfied until I see Celestia’s head mounted on a pike above Canterlot. I’ll just have to keep waiting then. But it was a step in the right direction at least.

Historians say that these protests were another sign of Celestia’s losing of control, and the shift away from the Classical Era. For most would never think of rebelling against Celestia in pre-war times, but with the many radical changes in Equestria with the Lunar Rebellion’s conclusion; Celestia’s rule, while still universally loved and respected (gag me with a spoon), could no longer be seen as absolute. And this would be another sign of Equestria’s stagnation.[318] While I support this anti-Celestia movement, I again strike this factoid from contributing to this “false stagnation” thing these historians keep trying to push. It’s not gonna happen so stop it. The stagnation was a lie and you know it.

Celestia continued to isolate herself for a couple more centuries, which of course, would not do her in favors in quelling the slowly growing dissent, or in doing public morale any good to push Equestria away from “stagnation”. I mean, sure, she would appear in celebrations in which an appearance was expected (eg. the Summer Sun Celebration), but ponies were expecting their ruler to have a greater presence during these difficult times. While most historians do say she was a tremendous leader (blechk), and her continued absence would only hurt her nation which needed her strength at the time, most white knight historians jump to her defense and say,

“As the Equestrian Civil War has reminded us, Celestia may have been our goddess and leader, but she was still just a pony at heart as well. She could not be expected to be faultless in this matter; the loss of her sister would of course need time to heal. The fact that she was able to continue to stay strong through those tumultuous times of the Civil War, watching ponies die on the battlefield because of her own self-perceived failure, and the reconstruction period that followed it, was a testament to her inner strength itself.

When we needed her to be strong for us, she was. But there was only so long she could maintain that façade, and she needed time to recover. In this context, the Millennial Stagnation, and the faults that came from it, could not have been said to arise from Celestia’s weaknesses, but rather, it was an eventuality; delayed from being forced to stay strong for so long.”[319]

Ya know, I heard rumors that Celestia during this period, all sad and lonely, sought comfort from elsewhere. I heard she was getting action from King Sombra. But you know what, there are so many flaws in that story that I’m not even going to try. I only bring it up because it makes Celestia seem more sad and pathetic. Celestia’s booty call. Have you ever heard of something more pitiful?[320]

While it seemed that Equestria was forever doomed into continued political and economic stagnation (to which I say, ONCE MORE, did not exist), discoveries in science were not deterred. For there was one discovery made that would break Equestria out from its stasis. This moment, coinciding with Celestia decision to finally move on (which was what, more than nine centuries later?) was commonly recognized as the moment in which Equestria transformed itself and broke free from the shackles of the past.

Let’s talk about love. Let’s talk about hope. Let’s talk about railroads.