“Wake up Starswirl, it’s time to go,” Twilight said as she pushed at the pile of blankets on top of the bed with her forehooves.
Deep within the mound, Starswirl coughed. “Uhhgghh, I’m sick. I think we’ll have to do this another day... Uhhgghh.” There was a long silence, long enough that Starswirl was pretty sure that he had gotten away with it. Then he was levitated out of the bed, blankets and all.
Twilight’s voice came from below him, “Thats not going to work Starswirl. Procrastination is the greatest enemy of ponykind.”
“I don’t see why I have to do this anyway. I’m perfectly happy right here. This whole farce is just a waste of time, TIME I could be using to unlock the secrets of the universe!”
“The magic of friendship makes a researcher more effective in the long run.” Twilight said sagely, as if she wasn't 20 years younger than him.
Starswirl pushed away the blankets, then teleported out of Twilight’s levitation field and appeared in front of her. “That’s complete jibber jabber and you know it!” Twilight looked like she wanted to interrupt, but Starswirl plowed ahead. “Besides I’m a big stallion, I can make my own decisions and you can’t stop me.”
Twilight narrowed her eyes at him. “I could.”
“Really?” Starswirl asked sarcastically, “What are you going to do? Hold me down and force me?”
Twilight’s cheeks went slightly red, “Since that’s what you did to me when you wanted a blood sample. It’d be only fair if I did the same too you.” Twilight paused before continuing, “If you don’t give it your best today I don’t see why I should let you continue experimenting with my alicorn magic.”
One of Starswirl’s eyes twitched, “You wouldn't!”
Twilight crouched down, narrowing her eyes, “Try me.”
Starswirl gritted his teeth, the little alicorn had him by the beard, or more specifically by the crystal ball filled with her purified magical essence. “Fine,” he grumbled. “But if it doesn't work out today, you’ll stop pestering me with this whole friendship thing.”
“Great!” Twilight said with a beaming smile, as if she hadn’t just blackmailed the older unicorn. “Let’s start with your neighbor, you can introduce us.”
Starswirl immediately had second thoughts about the whole thing. Rosebud could be even worse than her daughter. Starswirl cast his mind back to the few times when he had left his tower. What ponies had he met? There was that baker… a complete bint. What about the mare at the post office? An utter twerp. The mailmare? The very definition of a knob head. Starswirl grimaced, He’d rather make friends with a timberwolf than any of them.
Twilight titled her head at him, still smiling. “Shall we go?”
“If we have to do this… can we at least make it interesting?” Starswirl asked.
Twilight shot him a suspicious glance, “What do you have in mind?”
Starswirl adopted a thoughtful expression, tapping his chin. “Well, since all the ponies of today are all muppets of one form or another. I propose that we travel forward in time and look for friendship there. Preferably to a time when everypony was better educated.” Starswirl smiled to himself, this way, no potential ‘friends’ he made would be able to come bother him in his tower later.
Twilight looked sceptical, “Wouldn't that defeat the purpose?”
Starswirl raised both his eyebrows with pretend shock. “Twilight, are you saying that friendship can’t bridge a gap in time?... Are you saying that our friendship is meaningless?”
It was Twilight’s turn to grit her teeth, “No, that’s not what I’m saying!”
“So you have no objections to travel forward a few centuries then?” Starswirl asked.
“I suppose I don’t,” Twilight replied grudgingly, teeth still gritted.
“Excellent,” Starswirl said with a smile, "Lets begin the preparations".
------
Princess Celestia sat in her throne, a cup of tea in her hooves and a tray with several slices of cake just to the side. Cake, what a marvelous thing. Celestia smiled to herself, she needed to think of a reward for Clover the Clever. Had the little filly not informed her that Starswirl was hosting a female guest each day, Celestia wouldn't have set that fated appointment that taught her the wonder of cake. Celestia shuddered, thinking on what she could have missed. Clover should definitely be rewarded. Maybe a promotion?
“Chamberlain, is our spymaster still around?” Celestia asked.
“We never had one, Your Highness” replied the unicorn, standing by the base of her throne.
Celestia tapped her chin, frowning. “Sure we did! What was his name again… hmm, Oregano!”
“The SPICE master?” the chamberlain asked.
“Yes him! Demote him back down to special agent.” Celestia replied. The chamberlain blinked, as he tried to make sense of his orders. Realizing that there must be some kind of misunderstanding, he opened his mouth. But before he could say anything, Celestia continued, “Then head down to the archives and let them know that Clover the Clever is our new spymaster.” Celestia paused for a moment. “Also, give her a title, something fitting… like ‘Mistress of Whispers.’”
The chamberlain raised both his eyebrows in a look that said ‘you can’t be serious’, “The Mistress of Whispers…”
“What?” Celestia asked, narrowing her eyes at the unicorn, “It’s a good title.”
“If you say so Princess,” the chamberlain replied resignedly, before turning and trotting away to do her bidding.
“And bring up today’s letters from our subjects, we wish to read them!” Celestia shouted after him, before leaning back in her throne, and helping herself to another slice of cake. The alicorn wondered how many letters would she get today. 30? 40? She gasped, maybe even 50!
She didn’t have to wait long before the chamberlain trotted back up to her throne, two letters clutched in his magical grip. She blinked at them, “That’s it?”
The chamberlain sighed, “Why are you always surprised? Most of your subjects can't write. And those who can mostly send complaints, which as you surely recall, you instructed me to burn.”
Celestia waved a dismissive hoof, “Yes, yes... of course. Still, only two?”
The chamberlain sighed, “If you want more subjects, why not take Princess Platinum up on her offer and merge your kingdom with the one she is establishing up north. In fact, I think one of these letters are from her, asking Your Highness to do just that.”
“We shall consider it… later,” Celestia said.
“But...” the Chamberlain began before being interrupted.
“Is the other letter from our new spymaster?” Celestia asked eagerly, as she grabbed the mentioned letter with her magic, and levitating it up to her face. “Ooooooh, this is wonderful.” Celestia enjoyed reading Clover’s reports almost as much as she enjoyed acclamations of her subjects, almost. Lowering her eyes to the text she began to read.
To Princess Celestia with all titles attached. This is status report #103 sent by your most secret and special agent Clover the Clever.
A lot of things have happened this week, so for the sake of limited paperspace, I’m forced to limit the amount of ‘juicy details’ as you call them.
Celestia felt a little surge of disappointment at that, the details were the best part.
Know that Uncle Swirly smiled a whole 40% more this week than ever before. I’m positive that it would've been even more, if my efforts hadn’t been impeded by that purple unicorn, Twilight Sparkle. Whom has been hounding Uncle Swirly all week making his life miserable. I’m not sure of her purpose, but I think she might be a time traveling tailor trying to push her outfits and herself at Uncle Swirly. (Attached to this letter you’ll find sketches of both her and the costume she forced Uncle Swirly to wear.)
Celestia grinned, so Twilight Sparkle had been that adorable unicorns name. She unclipped the mentioned sketches from the back of the report. She looked at the one depicting Starswirl, and began laughing uncontrollably. Are… Are those bells? Oh, this was just too good. Celestia swallowed, trying to get herself under control. “Chamberlain go and show this to our sister. Maybe it’ll put a smile on her face for once.”
The chamberlain took the sketch, looked at it, and snickered.
“We’re glad to see that you have a sense of humor after all,” Celestia said smiling, as the chamberlain trotted off. Celestia turned back to the report.
However, I’ve had to reevaluate this assessment after Twilight Sparkle appeared as an alicorn this saturday. Something I had been informed, WAS IMPOSSIBLE, by a certain Princess with suns on her butt.
Celestia blinked at the text before reading it again, just to be sure. That… that was impossible. But if it was true, Celestia would need to sit down and have a long talk with this Twilight Sparkle. Frowning, Celestia read on.
Now, using the purple one as a sample, Uncle Swirly is researching alicorn magic. Something I know that you didn’t want him to do.
Your most secret and special agent Clover the Clever.
PS: The purple one used her wicked alicorn magic on me to make me confess my true purpose. Uncle Swirly is really angry with you. I suggest you stay away from windows in the near future.
Celestia sucked in air between clenched teeth. This was bad, very bad. Hadn’t she informed him on multiple occasions of the extreme danger such research would entail. And still he was doing it. Celetia had to put a stop to it.
Grabbing a quill and a fresh piece of paper, Celestia wrote quickly.
To our most secret and special agent Clover the Clever.
Our royal self have a request of the utmost importance to make of you. You must break into the tower and destroy everything related to Starswirl’s alicorn research, and bring the research journal to us. Do this and we swear that the name ‘Clover the Clever’ will be remembered and respected throughout the ages, gaining a place in all history books.
We’re aware that this will be your most dangerous mission yet. However, we have complete faith in your abilities. Make us proud.