“Oh no, Prince Sombra’s magic is sapping my lifeforce!”
“Rainbow Dash! I know the American censors would never allow it, but I was always in lesbians with you!”
“Oh, Twilight, my love… go on and sell merchandise without me…”
“This is so… stupid!” Ian waved his hand toward the television as he and Anthony sat on their signature couch, watching their new show. “Her talent is in magic, and she’s wasting her time confessing her love to her dying friend instead of saving her? And what’s with magical talking horses powered by the ‘magic of friendship?’ Yeah, real realistic.”
“Well…” Anthony said, tilting his head and giving Ian a curt look. “Imagine how stupid it’d be if My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic The Anime Imported From Japan Now With More Fanservice The Movie™ was actually realistic.”
Ian and Anthony sat on the couch, still and waiting for… something to happen. After a few more seconds, they exchanged panicked looks.
“What? W-where’s the black transition screen?” Anthony said, trying his best not to hyperventilate. “Where’s the title card?”
“Where’s the really catchy tune?” Ian screamed, and then proceeded to bite his fingernails.
“No…” Anthony looked down at his lap. “I don’t remember our first title card and you telling me to shut up… This can only mean one thing.”
“No… WE’RE IN A FANFICTION!” Ian screamed like a little girl, flapping his hands about and running in circles in front of the couch. “I don’t want to be a little girl again!”
“I don’t want to not be able to sit down for a week!” Anthony screamed as he clutched both cheeks firmly with his hands. After a moment, his hands slacked and he shrugged. “Well… might as well get it over with.”
Ian slowly came to a stop as he came to a realization. He threw a look at Anthony and said, “Wait a minute, I’m not having any contrived homosexual feelings for you!”
The television set began flickering, drawing their attention to the flashing colors. Onscreen, the six ponies were on the ground with the villain towering over them, gloating. Their golden jewelry were on the ground, cast away from them. Ian stepped forward and poked the television screen, causing it to ripple like a dimensional ripple in space-time.
“My god…” Anthony said as he felt suddenly dramatic, complete with rising dramatic background music. “Comedic overtone, contrived plot coincidence, and implied homosexuality…”
“We’re in one of his fanfictions,” Ian finished, deciding he would later blame his pant’s condition on the rain.
“No…” Anthony shook his head, trying to shake away the dark thoughts. “Anything but that!”
“Yeah!” Ian threw his arms to the side. “I wish we could’ve gotten someone better, like Deluxe—”
“Hey now,” Anthony said as he covered Ian with his large, girly hands. “We can’t break the fourth wall too much, remember?”
Ian threw away his hand and spat. “Ew, gross… And what are they going to do? Censor me? It’s not like bleep is going to bleep.” Ian’s eyes widened as a black bar appeared over his mouth. “Oh bleeping mother of bleep’s bleep bleep!”
Anthony barely managed to stifle a laugh. “Maybe later, I’m gonna ‘bleep’ your mom!”
“Come on man, why do you have to—”
“Help…” came a voice from the television. Ian and Anthony ceased their childish banter and knelt at the television screen, which was filled with the image of a pink pony. “Sombra… too strong. Please… help us. Blegh!” She then stuck out her tongue and went cross-eyed.
“Oh my sweet pony on a licorice lollipop!” Ian cried as he grabbed Anthony’s shoulders. “A hot girl needs our help! We have to save her!”
Anthony snickered and covered his smile. “Hot? You think PInkie Pie is hot? Rarity is obviously the hot one.”
“I DON’T CARE. LET’S GET LAID OKAY?” Ian screamed.
“Fine, fine, whatever.” Anthony sighed and flipped his majestic emo hair. It was a miracle the six mares were unconscious, otherwise their ovaries would have exploded. “Let’s do this. But how are we going to fight Sombra?”
“Well duh!” Ian rolled his head as he brought up his fist, now inscribed with a triforce tattoo. “The magic of friendship!”
“Oh yeah!” Anthony smacked his forehead. “Broforce!”
The two best friends forever bumped their fists together while simultaneously screaming, “Broforce friendship activate!”
“Element of…” Anthony screamed as he was surrounded by a red shroud of pure energy. “Nachos!”
“Element of…” Ian screamed as he tried to hold in a fart as he was surrounded by a pink cloud of chi. “Pink frosted sprinkled doughnut!”
Anime bubbles of nachos and pink frosted sprinkled doughnuts swirled around the two manchilds. The two grunted and groaned. They tried not to poop their pants as their power levels increased. Magic cascaded from the ceiling, changing their clothes into ninja outfits with their Elements of Broforce secured on golden chains.
“Whoa…” Ian fondled with the ninja facemask over his eyes. “I’m like some kind of teenage mutant ninja child…. But why do I have to be Michelangelo? He sucks!” He then looked down at his orange uniform. “Oh, great. I have to be Krillin too.”
Anthony was too busy fondling his man breasts to care. “Awesome! I got Kitana’s costume… and her bewbs! And pink!”
Ian nodded, admiring Anthony’s costume color scheme. “Very nice. Real men wear pink.”
“Yeah, and you’re not,” Ian’s mom snapped, poking her head around the corner. She then turned around and headed to her room. “... Pussies.”
Ian and Anthony stared for a brief moment before shaking their heads. They then turned to the flickering television screen and shouted, “Go-Go Broforce save the day!”
The world around them distorted as their molecules broke apart and flew into the television in a rainbow of light, kinda like the Power Rangers except instead of one color per ranger, they were all seven colors of the rainbow which is kinda weird because the Elements of Harmony make a rainbow, yet there’s only six of them, but now there’s a seventh and eighth Element, so what’s the eighth color of the rainbow? Smosh: one; Physicists: zero.
Eventually, they resembled in the world—specifically in the Canterlot castle—of anime where the girls were collapsed. Sombra flinched when they appeared in a burst of light, before breaking into an evil laughter.
“Muahaha!” Sombra evilly laughed as he twirled his evil mustache… evilly. “New heroes for me to crush in my quest! Maybe I shall send my minions after you instead of coming after you myself so you can discover new abilities that’ll ultimately end in my downfall!” Sombra blinked a few times before looking down at his hoof, double-checking the script. He then raised his gaze and cleared his throat. “Er, I mean prepare for your doom, heroes!”
“Don’t worry, Anthony! I got this!” Ian screamed as he crouched down and finally released his fart. The expulsion of methane gas reacted with his magical aura, causing a new cyclone of chi to swirl around him in a storm. He then brought his two hands together and put them to his side as he gathered pure energy. “KAME… HAME… HA!”
He released the energy outward, creating a huge beam of energy which obliterated the general direction he forced it in. As the castle’s smoke cleared, it revealed an entire trail of destroyed wreckage.
And an untouched Sombra.
“Muahaha! You really think such a juvenile technique can defeat me?” Sombra raised his hoof as he conjured a fireball for his Smosh-kebab.
“Dude, I got this,” Anthony said as he whipped out his pistol from his belt, cocked it, aimed it, and shot Sombra right in the head. Sombra instantly fell dead, soon forming a pool of blood.
Ian slowly turned to Anthony. “... That was so… AWESOME!”
“I know, right?” Anthony said as he highfived his bro for life. “We’re in an anime and we didn’t even die in the first five minutes like last time!”
“Yeah…” Ian eyes flicked back to the fallen girls. “Maybe we should help those girls…”
The two walked up to the unconscious ponies and started dragging them onto each other, forming a convenient pile. They rubbed their chins and examined the horses, watching as they eventually stirred from their panicked slumber.
“Thank you, Smoshy heroes!” Pinkie Pie said, bouncing circles around the pair the other five barely got to their hooves.
“All in a day’s work, madame!” Anthony put his hands on his hips and stared back at Ian, giving him an equally abnormally large smile. They then brought their fists together to use the Broforce to get home, and the six ponies used the Element of Harmony as well.
“Wait a minute, what’s happening?” Ian screamed like a little girl with the Broforce’s power beginning to fluctuate in his fist.
“No!” Anthony started tearing up something dawned on him. He gave a weak tug against his fist, but it was pointless. “Our Broforce of Friendship is reacting with the Elements of Harmony! There’s too much friendship, and it’s overloading! Damn you, contrived plot devices!”
“Girls!” Twilight Sparkle screamed as their jewelry refused to come off, their magic distorting reality. “Get close! We don’t want to get separated!”
Anthony and Ian hugged each other and screamed, “I love you, bro!”
Ian sniffed as he looked at his best friend. “Whatever happens man, I love you. Even if we are about to explode—”
…
…
…
Anthony turned his head to and fro with a nonplussed frown before returning his gaze to Ian. “Why did you cut yourself off...?”
Ian shrugged. “Well according to all the dumb movies we watched, things always explode mid-sente—”
Reality itself broke apart in an explosion of friendly proportion. Everything turned dark, except for the eight colors of the rainbows as the eight heroes fell through the hole in reality.
When they came to, there were nothing but lockers in sight. Wide lockers with a second layer of lockers atop. The room’s aroma stank with the stench of sweaty socks and exercise, the latter being an alien concept to the American humans. It brought back memories of their teenage years, particularly freshman years. Gym lockers. They were in a locker room.
Ian and Anthony groaned while they tried to stand up, but the sight before them made their blood run cold. Alongside the lockers were cubbies full of shoes. Their eyes flickered back and forth between the two, lockers and cubbies. On one bench laid a forgotten pocky stick on top of a comic book. Their eyes traveled to the floor, where a pair of bloomers lay underneath the bench.
“No…” Anthony said, a single tear trickling down his cheek. “It’s a sick amalgamation of Japan and America… Anything but this. Anything but—”
“High school!” Ian exclaimed, bumping his flailing appendages together. He then stuck his tongue out in excitement like a dumbass. “Oh, and Anthony? We’re magical talking horses now!”
“What?” Anthony stared down at his girly horse hooves and started screaming like a little girl.