If anyone had asked just how shitty Umbra’s day was at that moment, he’d be torn between ‘Really Fucking Shitty’ and ‘One of the Best Days Ever’. Why? Well…
Let’s just say that an unending horde of draugr, liches, zombies, revenants, Tanks, Boomers, and various other undead had been chasing him and Eris for the past seventeen miles… and they showed no sign of stopping anytime soon. Plus, neither of them had any of their abilities to use, Eris had drained her mana reserves dry killing the first seven million, umbra drained his reserves after the next eight million. The horde currently had approximately ten million undead left.
“Shit shit shit! Why the hell did this even happen to us!?” Eris screamed, sprinting away from the faster undead, dodging the ones thrown by the Tanks and Gargantuars frantically as she tried to spot any means of escape in the barren wasteland of Hell’s Desert. “I told you that you shouldn’t have touched the damn Necronomicon! It was down there for a reason! And you know that I hate the undead!”
“Shut up and run! We might not be able to die fully, but I doubt you want to be eaten alive!”
Six hours earlier…
Eris and Umbra had finished their breakfast, eager for the start of a new adventure and relationship. Making their way over to the town of Fiore, Eris spotted a strange phenomenon: a shadily dressed man was approaching them with a glowing star rotating above his head.
“Greetings travelers!” the man exclaimed, “I welcome you to the town of Fiore! Now, word on the grapevine is that you are some very skilled adventurers, we really need some at the moment; so if I could have a moment of your time to detail our situation?”
“But… We just got here…” Eris says with a tilt of her head in confusion. “This is actually the first town we came to, how would you know if we were skilled or not?”
Umbra leaned in to explain, “Remember that time I showed you World of Warcraft? It doesn’t matter if we just got here, the world operates on RPG mechanics, just talk to people with stars and other stuff above their heads for quests.” He shakes his head. “But, that’s not important right now, lead the way, sir.”
The pair follow the creepy guy into a large and spacious room, furnished with all the trappings one would expect of a fairly wealthy person. He pulls off his hood, revealing a wholly unremarkable face. “My name is Sven Ericsson. My father is an archeologist down in Hell’s Desert. I, being a humble Merchant’s Apprentice, was unfit to follow him. If I had, perhaps he would not have disappeared three days ago. I’m willing to pay a large sum of money if it means getting my father back… please, will you help?”
New Quest Unlocked: Retrieval from Hell!
Quest: Find and retrieve Sven Ericsson’s father, Eric Leifson, from wherever he is trapped in Hell’s Desert.
Danger Level: 5 of 10
Enemies: Undead
Item drops: Gold, Potions, Rope, Gems
Quest Reward: 5,000 Gold Coins
Accept/Decline?
[Accept]
Sven continues, “Oh thank you, thank you! Here, take this map. It will aid you on your quest. My father’s dig-site is located on here, go there first to look for clues! And good luck!” He leaves the room, presumably to go back to the Merchant’s guild.
Eris nods her head with a smile and turns to Umbra, “Well… We had better get ready to go to Hell then… We have quite a bit of packing to do…” She ends with a sigh.
“Not really, remember? I have a nifty little trick called a bottomless subspace pocket, Eris… everything is packed already…”
“So… We’re just going to Hell… It’s not like we’re going on some sort of all-important quest that has lives hanging in the balance or something… Maybe that guy we’re rescuing needs something to help him and I would like to make sure we have plenty of water in an easy-to-reach spot.” Eris replies with her adorable pout.
“Bottomless. Pocket. Full of everything. Including my own personalized Universe. I think I have all the water we may need. I even have goddamn Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann in here. The thing that’s bigger than a galaxy.” Umbra is inordinately proud of his collection.
“...Tengen-whatnow?” Eris asks with an even more confused look than the one she gave the quest-guy.
“...you had to be there…” He looks to the side and blushes, mumbling into his scarf-thing.
“...A-anyways, let’s go… we should probably get there as fast as we can… though… I do wonder why Hell’s Desert is shown as only a few miles away…” Umbra begins walking down the trail, his cloak billowing behind him.
Eris pulls her hood up as she walks alongside him, curious as well as to why said desert was showing as part of the material plane. “So… How many other planes of reality did you visit?” She asks, trying to start up a conversation while they walk.
“Gods, must have been billions… I recall one time I had to fix an entire Branch of the Multiverse… the Branch was shaped like a really big tree, as I recall… it took a hell of a long time…” Umbra tries not to brag, he really does, but listing any of his accomplishments normally tends to make him look like an exaggerating douche, even if he’s not. “Besides, it’s just a name… I think… I don’t really think it’s part of Hell, it’s probably just the heat and stuff…”
“Nice… Any ones that were your particular favorite? I know I got to see that ‘Your Human And You’ branch of the Equestrian Multiverse… It was an interesting idea, if you didn’t mind the fact that ponies were actually quite cruel to humans even if they weren’t trying to be.” Eris says as she hugs herself and shivers a little.
Eris looks over to Umbra as she waits for his answer.
Umbra, however, has gone rigid, eyes and body twitching every few seconds. “Ugh… I… don’t really like that Universe… something about it just felt wrong when I was there, even if the coding was completely fine…” He twitches for a few more seconds before shaking it off and continuing as if nothing had ever happened.
Three hours later…
Umbra and Eris had located the dig-site without much difficulty, the ancient ruins providing quite a bit of wonder for the both of them. Inside, the two found a tunnel, the same one Eric Leifson had disappeared down three days ago, in fact. Inside was a twisting maze of sandstone and hieroglyphs, the walls containing softly glowing crystals for a light source.
“Hey Eris?”
“Yes Umbra?”
“I think we got lost…”
“What makes you say that?”
“The map isn’t working, the walls have been shifting to cover our trail, I can’t sense the entrance, and I don’t remember how many turns we took… hey… what’s that glow?”
And indeed, there was a soft purple glow coming from a doorway just up ahead. Inside, they found an unconscious man lying on the ground, and a book bound in human skin on a pedestal.
“Hey, a necronomicon! Been a while since I could restock on one a’ these!... oh, and I think that’s Sven’s dad. Welp, into my pocket he goes. Now… let’s see about this book…” Umbra goes to retrieve the Book of Unending Horrors, when Eris tries to warn him away.
“No! Don’t take tha-... Uh oh…” Eris shouts with a wince once he takes the book and the building around them starts to rumble.
“...I get the feeling I may have made a terrible mistake… uhp, yeah… Welp, time to go!” Throwing the book away, the pair flees the scene, a horrible black portal tearing itself open and releasing a sea of undead directly after.
“Shitshitshitshitshitshitshit!!!!! Shadow burst! Shadow Pierce! Dark sweep!... uh… Getsuga Tenshou!” The myriad of shadow themed attacks takes out the first few rows, buying the two precious time to run, unfortunately only heading deeper into the desert, straight north… into the very southern reaches of Lich/draugr territory… and another portal to Hell.
Back in the present…
Eris turns just enough to angle her staff and launch a fireball into the oncoming horde, decimating at least twenty of them in a single explosion of Fiery Death.
“Fuck! Why the hell are there Running Zombies!? Shadow Steal, Army Kill Mode!” Stealing at least a hundred shadows, Umbra turns away from the dissolving undead as the shadows replenish his flagging mana. “Quick! Into that cave up there! We have just enough of a lead to make it!” Pointing at a nearby plateau, Umbra grabs Eris off of her feet, activating his cloak’s wing feature, and flying them into a cave approximately halfway up the side; once inside, he blocks the entrance with a boulder and brings out some automatic lighting crystals, as well as Sven’s Father. “Okay, we should be safe… for now… most of the horde is gone already, so we should be able to pick ‘em all off once our mana is back… fuck… I hate being tired…”
“You may hate being tired… but at least it gives you a bit more of a thrill when you feel like there’s a chance of losing, so that victory is that much better.” Eris pants alongside him. “C’mon… I’ll make us something to eat…”
“Uugh… yeah… here’s the food pack… and the camp stove… hold on, lemme drill a chimney first…” Summoning the last of his mana, Umbra manages to make a decent enough chimney to their cave before collapsing, dazed, but not unconscious yet. Estimated time to recovery: three hours.
Eris begins making some fish fillets, they actually smelled pretty good, especially with a little bit of seasoning. Leave it to Eris to devote herself to making a tasty meal even with the threat of death.
“Uuuuurrrgghhhhhhhhey! That smells awesome!” Umbra has now woken up. Estimated time to recovery: right after a good meal.
“That’s because it is awesome, despite Mom wanting Dad and I to live with less meat in our diets she still lets us have fish from time to time and Dad taught me some of his favorite recipes.”
“...remind me to thank your father the next time I see him…” With that said, Umbra digs in, mana and health bars visibly replenishing above his head. “Jeez, your father taught you really well… I’m almost jealous now… I can’t exactly cook too well…”
“I’m sure you can cook just fine, when we’re done with this quest I’ll have you make dinner for me and we can see.” Eris says with a small chuckle as she gets the fish out of the pan.
“...Bad idea… I’ve literally created new states of matter when I try to cook… it has never gotten any better than poptarts in a toaster… I shit you not.” It’s true, too. Umbra has literally made a negative Kelvin state of matter, just by trying to make ice cream. “Though… I think it’s mostly because I over kill it with my Admin powers…”
“Then try not using your Admin powers, use the tools instead of your powers, like I do… A perfect meal is made with love, not magic. Just ask King Neptune.” Eris chuckles.
“I should never have let you watch that show…” Umbra mutters.
“Still… You could do with some lessons anyway, and lucky for you, I’m one of the few people from Ponyville who aren’t averse to eating meat.”
“Thank gods for that… well, I’m just about done… everything seems to be back at a hundred percent… although…” Umbra’s eyes widen before he desperately ‘ports away to parts unknown, reappearing a few minutes later. “... I hate having the other half of a digestive system… Oh gods why?” He blushes, after all, not being corporeal tends to keep one from remembering what… passing waste… feels like. “Let’s pretend this never happened and get back to Fiore, eh?”
“Sure…” Eris replies as she finishes up her food. “Although, it should’ve taken a bit longer to go through your digestive tract so that we didn’t have to find out about it on-camera.”
“I think it was from this morning… and because one of the author’s is a troll…”
‘Dammit Jsyrin, not cool!’
“Oh well…” Eris replies as she cuddles up against him, “At least we can go back to town and act like this desert didn’t happen.”
Later…
“Huh… that was quick…” Umbra comments as he looks at the line of italicized text above him. “Well, at least now we can pretend that never happened… let’s get this guy back to his son, yeah?” He hefts the still unconscious man over his shoulder, though now it’s just an exhaustion nap.
“I really think we should wake him up or something.” Eris suggests, “that way he can carry his own weight.”
“...” Umbra responds eloquently, dropping the man on his feet and giving him a dose of Pepper-Up potion.
“Gah! Buh, Wha!? Where am I!?” The disheveled man exclaims, noting the change of scenery.
“Relax, Mr. Leifson, your son sent us to get you. You’re back in Fiore… good thing too, you almost fell prey to a Necronomicon… nasty works they are…”
“Yep, so… basically, Not dead is where you are, and you should appreciate that… your son wouldn’t have liked to know that his father was dead.” Eris adds.
“Oh… alright… I’ll be on my way then, yes…” With that, the old-ish man stumbles off into Sven’s house, conveniently the third one to the left of the village gates.
Quest Complete!
Find Sven Ericsson for your reward!
“Right… let’s go find Sven…” And the couple walks through the town, looking for Sven, just to collect their reward… and maybe find an inn.
“Alright.” Eris says with a small smile as she hugs Umbra’s arm again, taking a bit more of a look at the town now that she’s not pressured into a quest by some shady guy.
It really is quite pretty, holding a sort of rustic charm to it. All around are the residents of the town, playing, working, chatting, going about their lives. And all around for miles is just deep, deep, green forest. Truly a wonderful sight, eh?
“You see him yet? I want to make sure the kid has his dad back.”
“Hmm? Oh yeah, he’s over there, in that market stall. Looks like he’s selling fruit or something…” The two walk over, and when Sven notices them, he pulls out a deceptively small sack that jingles in his hand.
“Here, payment for bringing my father, I hope it serves you well.”
Payment Received!
5,000 Gold Coins!
+34 EXP!
“Surprisingly small for five thousand… but as long as the cash is there.” Eris says with a shrug.
“Bags of Holding are really easy to make here I guess…”
“Welp, let’s go enjoy ourselves on the town tonight.”
“...Alright then. Where to?”
“Maybe… a nice restaurant for dinner?” Eris offers.
“Anything for you, love.”
“So, anything in particular you’re interested in for dinner?”
“Saw a nice looking restaurant a few streets back, don’t know what they serve… but it should be interesting enough…”
“Then let’s go find it!” She says joyously as she pulls on Umbra’s arm, heading to the marketplace.
Later…
Dinner had been a thoroughly enjoyable activity, good food, good view, great atmosphere, and immensely beautiful company… well on Umbra’s side. Eris’ was much the same, save for the fact that her company was handsome and he would never fail to tell anyone the difference. All in all, a near perfect night, now only needing a place to sleep to make the night perfect.
Eris couldn’t keep the smile off her face all through dinner, simply enjoying being around him as she ate. Her smile faltered only a little as she began to think of their next move, their next quest, the next innocent life that was in harm’s way. As much as she enjoyed balance, it still unnerved her that innocent beings had to be hurt for balance to happen. A small sigh managed to escape her lips.
“Hey Eris?”
“Yeah…?”
“There’s an inn just up ahead… do we get a single bed or a two bed?”
“Well… We should get a double… unless you want to just share the space of a single…” She offers.
“I guess… but you’re really fun to cuddle…” Umbra blushes and grabs Eris a little tighter.
She gets a nervous blush on her face as she focuses on the road in front of her.
Reaching the inn, simply titled ‘Main Street inn’, the pair walks inside, noticing that the inn was actually fairly modern in design, though still containing elements of a fantasy setting.
“Y’know, I honestly did not know what to expect when we walked in… but this is actually really nice.”
Eris gives an approving nod, “Yeah… This is actually really nice… Let’s get that room so we can start questing as soon as possible.”
Walking up to the counter, Umbra engages the receptionist, who he notes is a fairly androgynous elven male… because that’s something you notice apparently, in a light conversation.
“Good evening to you, good traveler! Would you like a room to stay the night?”
Umbra smiles lightly, too happy to keep up his normal anti-social attitude, “Yessir, my lady and I would like to rent a single room for tonight.”
“Excellent! If you don’t find it too presumptuous, would you like a single bed or two beds?”
“Hmm… Eris? Your call.”
Eris puts her hand on her chin in thought for a second. “We’ll go with a single bed.” She replies.
The receptionist smiles, jotting down a few notes. “Great! That’ll be twenty gold coins, unless you also want an included breakfast, in which case that’s an extra three! Is everything satisfactory?”
Umbra nods, placing a small pouch full of the requested amount on the counter. “Thank you, sir. So, which room is it?”
“Ah! Sorry, it’s room 213, up the stairs, to the left, third from the end. We wish you a good night, sir!”
Eris claps her hands together a little and begins to pull Umbra toward the stairs.
“Heh… that eager to sleep?” Umbra almost trips up the stairs, mostly due to how fast Eris dragged him, partly because he almost forgot that he wasn’t incorporeal anymore.
“You could say that…” Eris replies with almost an evil smirk.
“Oh my!” Umbra immediately picks up the pace.
As soon as they get to the room Eris locks the door behind them, “Lets rest… so that we can go on so… many… adventures…” She smirks as she puts a bit more emphasis on the last three words.