//------------------------------// // Meet and Greet // Story: My Little Pony: The Blood Gulch Chronicles // by Supahsnail //------------------------------// Without moving from where they had woken up, Tucker, Church and Caboose stood across from each other, saying and doing nothing. They continued to awkwardly stare at each other until Tucker finally broke the silence. "Church," Tucker said. "Yes?" Church replied. "Why are we still standing here?" Tucker asked. Church thought of an answer, and then said, "This is what we always do when we don't know what we’re supposed to do." Tucker scoffed, "Okay, so we're just going to stand here until Caboose things of a plan. Great leadership skills." "As soon as I figure out how to start thinking, I am going to come up with the best plans ever!" Caboose exclaimed. "Maybe Caboose should be our CO. He's the same rank as you," Tucker said. "Hey, fuck you!" Church snapped defensively, "You're a private too!" "No, I'm a private first class," Tucker corrected, "Respect the rank, bitch." "Excuse me!" an effeminate voice called out from directly behind Tucker. The three blues turned toward the source and saw Rarity and Applejack standing several meters away. "You three wouldn't have happened to see an energetic pink earth pony or a delicate yellow pegasus by any chance?" Rarity asked, projecting her voice enough for them to hear her clearly. Tucker said to Church, "I'm torn between my desire to hit on every woman I see, and my desire not to get romantically involved with a horse!" "Well, they're ponies, so go for it," Church said jokingly. Rarity and Applejack looked at each other with puzzlement when the three ponies didn't reply to them. "Do you think they didn't hear me?" Rarity asked. "This doesn't seem right," Church said. "Does it seem left?" asked Caboose. Ignoring Caboose, Church said, "They're speaking English." "Yeah, so?" Tucker questioned, "English kicks ass! Why not speak it?" "We're on a whole other world, Tucker!" Church said with an annoyed tone, "What are the odds that we all speak the same language?" "What? Do you expect them to speak Spanish or something?" "No, I expect them to speak some kind of alien language! How are they supposed to know English if there is no Goddamn England!?!?" “Maybe this is Earth,” Tucker suggested, “We haven’t been to Earth in a while. Maybe everyone’s a pony now.” Church knew that Tucker wasn’t being serious, yet he still considered the possibility. “That’s… That can’t be... I just… no, that’s not it," he stuttered. Rarity and Applejack trotted over to the blues and loomed behind them. Normally, neither of them would have imposed on the group, but these were a special set of circumstances. “Excuse me,” Rarity said with fading patience, “It’s awfully rude to not answer somepony when they ask you a question, don’t you think?” Caboose replied, “Oh, I’m sorry. We were just busy talking about how we do not trust you because you speak England. It’s nothing you need to worry about.” Applejack looked at Caboose quizzically for a moment, before she and Rarity both began to understand why the three blues were acting so strange. "Are you three from around here?" she asked. "As a matter of fact, we aren't," Church said, "We hail from the land of none of your fucking business." "How rude!" Rarity scoffed. She quickly turned her back to the three blues and gestured for Applejack to do the same. "Come, Applejack," she said, "I'm sure that if they were transported here like Twilight described, they would be asking for help. These ponies are just rude!" After saying this, Rarity glanced back at the blues to see what effect her words had. Realizing that he was pushing away his best chance for answers, Church quickly changed his tone and pleaded, "Wait! I'm sorry, okay? I'm an asshole. But if you know anything about how we got here, we could really use your help!" "I knew it!" Rarity proclaimed. Applejack asked, "If you got transported here and need help, why were y'all being defensive?" "That's because Church is an asshole," Tucker stated. "But I'm pretty sure we're the ones who should be asking you the questions here." Church chimed in, "Yeah, like 'How the hell did we get here?' and more importantly 'How do you know about it?' We were sent here randomly!" "This is going to take a lot of explaining," Rarity casually said. "I certainly can't explain it!" Applejack exclaimed, "Just this morning everything was normal, and now we have all this talk about portals and dimensions and what-not! It's makin' me dizzy just thinking about it!" "I'm not sure I could explain what's going on any better," Rarity admitted, "We were all so rushed. I'm sure Twilight could clear this all up when given the chance." Church was becoming more aggravated than usual. He hated not knowing what was going on, and now two strangers were talking to each other about something that was directly related to him, yet he was left out of the loop. Church made it his goal to find out what was going on as quickly as possible. Applejack turned to the three blues and politely said, "We're mighty sorry that we can't really explain why you're here. All I can tell you is that that random event that brought y'all here wasn't quite as random as you might think." “You have a great lady-pirate voice,” Caboose complimented. Rarity added, "If you three could just come with us, we have a friend named Twilight who understands this far better than we do. We just need to find two other friends and meet with her back at the castle." After hearing the word 'castle,' Tucker interjected, "Meet with her back at the what? I thought I heard you say castle, but that can't be right. Can it? Is Twilight rich and hot… or at least one of the two? Because, if so, I'd like to get to know her on a personal level." "Castles are nice, but I like forts better," said Caboose, "We have our own fort... It's blue." "Twilight is a Princess," Rarity explained, "I suppose we forgot to mention that part." "Kick-ass!" Tucker exclaimed, "You guys know a super hot, rebellious, young princess looking for love?" "Just like in Star Wars!" Caboose commented. "You can ignore both of them," Church said, "That's what I've been doing for the past year and it’s worked fine for me." "You know, you don't have to constantly remind everyone that you're an asshole. It doesn't take long for them to figure that out on their own," Tucker said coldly. Church slowly turned to Tucker and said, "I'm sorry, did you say something? I wasn't paying attention." Rarity blurted in with an upbeat voice that in no way reflected how she was feeling. "Well, I can see that you three are very stressed right now. That's understandable." "Actually, this is an accurate representation of how we act all the time," Church explained with a hint of shame, "That's the reason we need help. We can never do anything by ourselves." "It is kind of like a game," said Caboose, "Sometimes Church will pretend to be mean to us, mostly me, and sometimes he will lie and say that he is not our friend; but it's all okay because he doesn't really mean it. We are the best friends ever!" “I will never be your friend, Caboose!” Church said harshly. “See? He’s playing it right now!” Caboose happily explained, “He plays the game with pretty much everyone, but he does it with me the most. That is because I am his favorite!” Applejack and Rarity both watched the three bicker trying to decide what to make of it. On the outside, they seemed to hate each other, especially Church, but they had to be putting up with one another for some reason. Maybe Caboose was right. Maybe they were best friends. “Just come with us and finish your conversation on the way,” Rarity commanded. She was short on time and tired of listening to their routine. “We’ll do what we can to help you.” Rarity then leaned to Applejack and whispered, “Would you be a dear and keep an eye on them? Especially the teal one; he’s been staring at our backsides since we got here.” _________________________________________________________________ Meanwhile, not too far from the blues, Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy were walking together in a thick expanse of trees, completely unaware of the growing crisis. They weren’t far from the town of Ponyville, as Fluttershy wouldn’t dare go too deep into the forest. With Fluttershy leading the way, they walked at a leisurely pace. Pinkie sometimes had to bounce and walk in small circles to keep herself from walking ahead. “Do you see any yet?” Pinkie asked, “I still haven’t seen any.” Fluttershy replied with a tone that hid the irritation she felt after hearing this question for the third time. She gave the same answer she gave before. “If I see one, you’ll be the first to know. The Southern Blue Bullfrog only appears near Ponyville during this season, but they’re also very rare.” “Oh, I bet they’re gonna be so cute! I mean, normal frogs are pretty cute, but these ones are big and blue!” Pinkie relished with delight. “Yes, they’re very cute and endangered,” Fluttershy reminded, “We’re only here to quietly observe them.” “Why are they called bullfrogs?” Pinkie asked, trying to stir up conversation, “Are they half dog? That would be pretty cool.” “No, it’s just because they’re-“ “Have you ever thought about all the words that rhyme with frog?” “I… um…” “Because I just did!” Pinkie said before she began to list. “Bog, catalog, log…” “Okay, Pi-“ “Dog, smog, fog…” “Pinkie…” “Grog, cog-“ “Hey, Pinkie, do you want to play a game instead?” Fluttershy asked hopefully. “I love games!” Pinkie said enthusiastically, stating the obvious. “Something distracting and repetitive.” “That’s my favorite kind!” “Let’s play I Spy,” Fluttershy suggested. “Okay!” “I’ll go first,” the yellow pegasus said. She was paying very little attention to the game, mostly concentrating on observing the forest as she wasted her turn on something obvious. “I spy with my little eye… something grey.” “Is it a rock?” asked Pinkie. “You are so good at this game,” said Fluttershy. “That means it’s my turn!” Pinkie said happily. She her favorite part of I Spy was picking something out on her turn. She looked around as she walked for only a few moments before she saw something perfect. “I spy with my itty bitty eye something pink!” “Something pink?” Fluttershy repeated, giving it some thought, “Is it my mane?” “Nope,” Pinkie said shortly. “Is it… you’re coat?” “Nu-uh.” “My cutie mark?” “Wrong again,” Pinkie said playfully, “Give up yet?” Because she was never invested in the game to begin with, Fluttershy willingly admitted defeat. “Okay, Pinkie, you win. What was it?” Pinkie casually gestured to Donut and Simmons, who were standing less than ten feet from them in a small clearing. “I was pointing to that pink guy over there,” she said. “Oh…” Fluttershy said awkwardly, realizing they were well within earshot of the two stallions, especially considering Pinkie’s loud voice. “I don’t know how I didn’t notice them.” “That’s okay,” Simmons said with a heavy sigh, “I’m used to girls ignoring me.” Donut trotted a few steps closer to the two mares with a smile on his face. “You two showed up just in time!” he said, “Simmons and I were just about to start sharing secrets with each other to pass the time until the sergeant arrives. The best way to strengthen a friendship is to share secrets. I’ve got some juicy ones I’ve been dying to let out!” “Please help me!” Simmons pleaded. After hearing Donut say something that caught her attention, Fluttershy asked, “Wait, did you say something about a sergeant? Are you with the Royal Guard?” “The Royal what?” Simmons repeated, “No, we aren’t from around here. We’re a military group from very far away. Although saying that is an insult to the word ‘military’… and ‘group.’” "We're from the red team!" Donut explained enthusiastically, "My name is Donut, and his name is Simmons. We also have two other friends named Sarge and Grif, but they got separated from us when we were all sent through that inter-dimensional portal!" "You were sent through a what?" Fluttershy asked after Donut had so casually thrown out that detail. Pinkie burst in, speaking much louder than Fluttershy. "Donut? That's a great name! I wish my name was that delicious!" She darted next to Fluttershy and said, "My name is Pinkie Pie, and this is Fluttershy. She used to be super shy, but she's gotten a lot better at it!" "She's getting better at being shy?" Simmons asked. He hadn't been paying close attention to what they were saying. "No, silly!" Pinkie cheerfully responded, "She's getting better at being not shy. She's Flutternotsoshy!" Fluttershy tried her best to quietly interrupt, "Yes, Pinkie, that's great, but what was that thing he said about a portal?" "How come your friend doesn't talk?" Donut asked obliviously. "I am talking!" Fluttershy stated. She was speaking loudly enough for everyone to hear her, but they continued to talk amongst themselves as if they couldn't hear her. "Fluttershy's just nervous around new ponies," Pinkie explained. "Excuse me!" Fluttershy yelled, finally raising her voice enough to be noticed. Pinkie finally acknowledged her friend. "Yes, Fluttershy? Is there something you want to say?" "I was already... *sigh* Yes, Pinkie. I have something to say," Fluttershy said with a tone of defeat, "I think Donut mentioned something about an inter-dimensional portal. Doesn't that sound important?" "Yeah, we probably should have mentioned that," admitted Simmons, "We get distracted really easily. It usually happens when we talk." "What's an inter-dimensional portal?" Pinkie asked. "Simmons said it was like a worm-hole," Donut relayed. "A worm hole?" Pinkie repeated, "Did you ask Simmons if he had the right ointment?" "I totally did!" Donut replied. "You two fucking deserve each other," Simmons snarked. "Gee, Simmons, you don't need to be such a glass-blower," Pinkie said. "THAT'S NOT AN EXPRESSION!" Simmons exclaimed, "That will never be an expression!" "It's a pretty common phrase," Fluttershy said softly. "I think we're getting off topic again," Simmons said. "It's what we do," Donut said with pride. "But we really should go back to talking about that portal," Fluttershy insisted. Simmons commented, "I just realized that you two are accepting the whole portal thing really easily. I guess it's convenient for us, but..." "This kind of thing happens all the time! And it's usually centered around us," Pinkie said nonchalantly. Fluttershy tried to bring the conversation back on track. "What happened exactly? Where did the portal come from? Are you two from a different town?" “More like a different world,” said Donut. “More like a different dimension,” Simmons corrected. “Which reminds me, why do you guys speak English?” Donut asked. “Nah, somebody already made that joke earlier in the chapter. It wasn't very funny then either,” Pinkie casually remarked. “I’m gonna pretend that made sense in your head,” Simmons said. “Yeah, it did.” "Maybe we should stay on topic this time, Pinkie," Fluttershy suggested softly. "Good idea!" Pinkie said, patting her friend on the head. She abruptly shifted to speaking in a more serious tone. "Can you two give us any other details about what happened?" Simmons tried to think of a way to explain the situation in words. "Well... our world is... we were... It's really difficult to explain." Donut interrupted by quickly explaining what Simmons couldn't. "We're from a world where every one walks on two legs and has arms. We're from the red team, which is an army that fights across the galaxy and wears red armor; but we weren't fighting in space because we were stationed in a box canyon to fight against the blues. They wear blue armor. Someone at command told our sergeant that something weird was happening in a cave. So we went to look into it and then the blues showed up too. We found a weird portal thing, talked about ointment for a while, then there was a flash of light and we showed up here as ponies." After completing his explanation, Donut took a deep breath. "Wow, that wasn't difficult at all, really," Simmons commented surprised. "So, you guys really are soldiers?" Fluttershy clarified. "Oh, definitely," Simmons said with heavy sarcasm, "You can tell by how professional and composed we are. In fact, we're actually an elite commando unit." "That sounds super cool!" Pinkie commented genuinely. "Wow," Simmons said, "Your understanding of sarcasm is almost as good as Donut's." "Hey!" Donut interjected, "I appreciate the compliment, but now is not the time." "You said something about a sergeant," Fluttershy reminded. Pinkie Pie perked up. "That's right!" she exclaimed, "There are more of you aren't there? How many? What are they like? Oh my gosh! This is so exciting!" "Trust me, you won't be excited once you meet them," Simmons warned. "If you meet them," he clarified. "There are two more of us somewhere. Sarge is our leader, and there's another guy named Grif. There were three other guys too, but they were blues." "So?" Pinkie asked, "What's so bad about blue." "We're fighting the blues. Didn't I mention that already?" Simmons asked. "I guess it doesn't matter though, does it? So, that means theres five missing people: two reds and three blues." "What are they like?" Fluttershy asked softly. "They're very... unique," Simmons said. It was the only compliment he could think of. "People say that about me all. The. Time!" Pinkie said happily, "They sound like a lot of fun!" "Yeah..." Simmons said hesitantly. He wanted to change the subject. "So, is there anything you can do to help us?" "We should start by finding your friends," Fluttershy stated. "And we should get our friends to help find your friends!" Pinkie added. "Friend is a really strong word to use," Simmons warned. Pinkie continued, "I bet Twilight knows what to do! And we can probably find her at the castle!" "Castle?" Donut interjected, "Did someone say castle? I know I heard someone say castle! Where's the castle?" "The castle's not far from here at all!" Pinkie said. "Our friend Twilight owns it," Fluttershy explained, "She's a princess." Donut stood motionless for a second, making sure he wasn't in a dream. "Simmons," he finally said. "Yes?" Simmons replied after a brief sigh. "Best. Dimension. Ever." _________________________________________________________________ Deeper into the woods, Grif, Sarge, Twilight and Rainbow Dash had made little progress in their discussion. Due mainly to Sarge. Grif and Sarge had explained where they were from and what they knew about how they got there, which was next to nothing. The girls tried to briefly describe the world they were in, but one detail had eluded Sarge's comprehension. "So, let me get this clear," Sarge said with a look of confusion, "You're saying, and I quote, 'The red ponies and the blue ponies are not fighting each other,' un-quote." Rainbow Dash slouched her shoulders to show her aggravation and annoyance. "How many times do we have to tell you this?" she asked. "Does that mean the reds have already won?" Sarge asked. "No," Twilight replied shortly. "Don't tell me the blues won!" Sarge asked in a panicked tone. "They didn't," Twilight answered. "So... does that mean we're still fighting?" "No." "So... The reds won." Rainbow Dash had reached her limit. Tired of their back and forth banter, she dashed between Twilight and Sarge to try and get the message through his skull. "There is no red versus blue battles here period!" she stated, "The reds and blues are not fighting in this world! They are not fighting! They have not been fighting! And they will never be fighting! Got it?" Sarge stared blankly into Rainbow Dash's rage filled eyes. Eventually he said, "I understand the words you're saying. You're just not arranging them in an order that makes sense." "I quit," Rainbow announced. "I don't think he's physically capable of accepting what you're telling him," said Grif. "That makes me wonder how he's accepted the fact that he's in another dimension," Twilight commented. "He probably hasn't," Grif explained. To demonstrate his point, he asked Sarge, "Hey, Sarge. What do you think is going on right now?" Sarge confidently answered, "Clearly, we're under some form of mass blue hypnosis!" "Clearly," Grif said in fake agreement. "We don't have time for this," Twilight said with a mixture of aggravation, shock and stress, "We literally do not have time for this." "What's going on?" asked Grif, "What do you know that we don't?" "What are the chances that you and your friend will understand?" Rainbow countered. "Somewhere between slim and none." _________________________________________________________________ O'Malley had found an abandoned alley off the streets of Ponyville. It was dimly lit and out of earshot. The perfect place for somepony to talk to himself. "MUHUHAHAHA!" He laughed maniacally. His voice echoed through the alley. "This place is perfect for me to enact my evil plan! MUHU-" His maniacal laughter was interrupted when Doc took over their shared body to say something. "What plan?" he asked, "We got sent here on accident, remember?" "Quiet, you!" O'Malley commanded, "I always have a plan!" Doc interrupted again, "It's not anything to be ashamed of. Improvisational thinking is an important skill to learn!" "Stop trying to make me feel better!" "Well, I don't want to make you feel bad! That would be rude!" "...I hate you... with all of my hate."