//------------------------------// // Questions and Answers 01 // Story: Evil Always Finds a Way // by Malcho1234 //------------------------------// The room was empty, save for two chairs and a single occupant. A young man was sitting on one of them - a comfortable picnic chair with a steaming cup of coffee in the armrest holder. He was dressed all in black - black sweatpants, black socks and black shirt. His long hair was unbound and hiding his face as he furiously typed away on the slightly battered laptop that was set on his knees. Suddenly he paused and looked up, as if he could sense being watched. “Ah, you’re here already?” He asked. His face was a bit gaunt and his beard was unshaven… The overall effect made him look like Jesus a bit. “Good. Welcome, dear readers, to the first Questions and Answers with the Overlord. I’m your host, the Author, or just Malcho if you prefer that.” “Now…” The Author continued, leaning back in his seat. “I believe that it’s time for the star of the show. Please welcome… The Overlord!” The man quickly wrote something on the laptop and a door appeared in the wall. A second later it opened, allowing for the Overlord’s imposing figure to enter. His eyes scanned the room, his body tensing in the unknown setting... “Welcome, your Evilness.” Malcho’s voice drew the Overlord’s attention to him, his burning eyes setting on the human. To his credit, the Author didn’t flinch, he just smiled. “Come, take a seat.” He said, motioning to the second chair in the room. The Overlord looked over the throne, an exact replica of his own, before walking over to it and sitting down. Even in that pose he was as menacing as usual… “Now, Overlord, do you know who I am?” Malcho asked. “You are the Author.” The Overlord replied simply. He could recognize one of the two beings who were greater than him… “And before you ask, I guess that you are breaking the Fourth Wall for a reason.” “Well…” Malcho waved a hand. “I wouldn’t call it breaking the Fourth Wall, at least not in the way Pinkie Pie does it…” The two humans looked around, as if expecting the party pony to pop in. After a few seconds of nothing happening the two shared a sigh of relief. “Right… Thank goodness she didn’t come… It would be hard to deal with her.” Malcho said before taking a sip from the cup of coffee. “Anyway, welcome to your first Questions and Answers session. Here your fans will ask questions and you…” “Will answer them.” The Overlord finished for him. “Exactly. Now, are you ready?” “I guess so. I would like to return as fast as I can anyway. Nightmare was still sleeping, and I want to get back before she wakes up… She’s the type that likes to cuddle in the morning, you know?” He asked, to which Malcho nodded. “Yeah, I know. I’m writing her, after all. Now, let’s begin.” The Author started the blog post with the Questions and browsed through them. “Hmm… Not as many questions as I would’ve liked… Less than a dozen… Oh well. Now, where to begin with… Ah. I see one that’s directed to me.” “Now, we’ll begin with the question from Cade Adams from Equestria… He’s asking me: “Jesus… What’s an overlord?” Well, I think that my guest is better to answer that question.” The Author turned around to look at the other human in the room. “Well, Cade, Overlord is a title given to a powerful lord, one who rules over many peasants and other lords. In this situation I’m an Evil Overlord, the archetypal fantasy villain. My job is to rule over the weak, destroy those who oppose me and have better shags than you.” “Ouch… That was a bad one.” Malcho commented with a chuckle as he dismissed the question. “You do get a lot of pussy, don’t you?” “You know better than me.” The Overlord answered with a menacing chuckle. “That I do…” The Author grinned. “Now, for the next question. Since we’re on that theme, I’m bringing you Serefin from TV World, Inaba. He asks: Do you usually bang someone after taking them to your tower?” The human looked at the Overlord for an answer. “What kind of question is that?” The Overlord rumbled. Malcho nodded and tapped a few times on the laptop’s keyboard, bringing Serefin into the room. The newcomer barely had the time to blink as the Overlord shot a spell at his head. His brain exploded spectacularly, not unlike that scene in Scanners. “Did you have to do it like that?” The Author asked, not hiding his disgust as he wiped a few chunks of Serefin from himself. “It’s going to take me forever to get him out of my hair…” “Yes.” Was the Overlord’s short reply. “Next?” “Well, since we’re on the theme… Cyberpunked from Georgia asks: How long does it take you to clean your armor, on average? That many spikes, it doesn't look like it'd go in a warm wash with a cup of detergent.” “I don’t know.” The Overlord shrugged. “I don’t clean them… I have several suits of armor and I just change them while giving the parts to the Blues to wash.” “Practical as always.” Malcho added his comment with a nod. “Now… We can group the remaining questions in three categories: Religion, Politics and Relationships. Which one should we start with?” “Hmm…” The Overlord rubbed his chin in thought. “Let’s start with the most evil one - Politics.” “The many blood-sucking insects, eh?” Both chuckled at the old joke. “Alright then. First, Tonto from the space between worlds, from where he watches your magnificent adventure…” “A bit stalker-ish, if you ask me…” The Overlord quipped. “Yeah…” Malcho nodded in agreement. “He’s asking: When you begin your glorious conquest of Equestria, will you reconstruct your old EMpire in the badlands as well? And while we’re at it, you may answer the question of NightShadow76 from Equestria: Even though it may be foolish of me to ask, but are you willing to accept a pony or two in your ranks?” “Well, Tonto the stalker, I doubt you should even ask your question.” The Overlord started in a matter-of-fact tone. “What kind of Overlord would I be without an Empire to rule? And NightShadow, the same. I’m going to need subjects to rule over, after all.” “Very true.” Malcho nodded. “Very true. You know, you need to reconstruct the Dark Tower. After all, you need a public representation of your power.” “You’re right. Do you think you can make it in a few chapters?” “I’ll see what I can do.” The Author promised. “Now, I’m going to ignore Meleekanos’ question since I doubt you even care about Communism…” The Overlord nodded in agreement. “The only social-economic system I care about is mine.” He interjected. “Yes… So let’s go with Religion…” The two shared a grimace at the word, though the Overlord’s was hidden by his helmet. “Now, Prof_Omnom from Mount Anarch, Titan, asks if you’re a heretic…” “I’d say no. I don’t follow any gods, after all, and I don’t plan on joining any religions in the future. Though I wouldn’t mind having a religion after me…” You could see the Overlord forming plans as he said that, thinking of the details of becoming a deity… “I’ll consider it. And with that you also answered the question of World Bearer of the Warp. He wanted you to join the Four Gods of Chaos…” “Heh… As if I’d ever do something like that. They may be a merry bunch, but I bow to noone.” The Overlord snorted in disgust. “Exactly. And with that we move onto the most interesting questions…” Malcho said with a smirk, prompting the Overlord to glare at him. “Oh, don’t give me that look, you know that you’d enjoy yourself as well if the roles were reversed.” The Overlord could only growl at that. It was true… “Now, who should we begin with… Aha. This guy… Xu… Xlef… Ugh…” He gave up on trying to pronounce the name and tapped the laptop’s keyboard a few times. The word xluferx materialized in the air above. “This guy from Arequipa with the unpronounceable name is wondering why you chose Luna to be your Mistress instead of her sister.” Malcho looked at the Overlord just as the armored human growled. “Nobody questions my decisions! Bring him here to be executed! And give me a weapon!” He bellowed. “Alright, alright… Sheesh! Hold your horses!” Malcho sighed as he typed on his keyboard again. A log appeared in front of the Overlord’s throne, the axe that was aptly named The Executioner stuck in it. The Overlord stood from his throne and lifted the massive weapon without difficulty before giving it a few test swings. Nodding in satisfaction he looked at the Author, who nodded back and pressed a single key on his keyboard. xluferx appeared in the room, bound and gagged, his neck and head laying on the log. The Overlord lifted The Executioner in the air, holding it briefly before bringing it down. There was a thud as his victim was decapitated, the head rolling off somewhere. “Satisfied?” The Author asked, completely unphased by the gruesome execution. “Very much.” The Overlord replied, cradling the weapon as he returned to the throne. “Good. But seriously, why only one and not both Alicorns?” Malcho asked in curiosity. The Overlord sighed, knowing that he can’t act against him at all, and mumbled something. “What was that?” The Author asked, straining to hear. "Luna's best pony..." The Overlord mumbled, to the Author’s amusement. The armored human glared at his creator as the latter almost fell from the chair with laughter. It took him a few minutes before he could compose himself enough to speak again. “Oh god…” He chuckled. “Best pony… This is going to be fun in the future…” He chuckled again and leaned back. “Oh, I needed that…” “Just get on with it…” The Overlord growled. “Heh… Alright, that leaves us with the question of refferee from Marelaysia…” The Author paused for a moment before shaking his head. “Damn horse puns…” “And to think that there will be more of them coming…” The Overlord nodded in sympathy. “Yeah…” “At least you don’t live in horsepun-land.” “True…” Now it was Malcho’s turn to nod in sympathy. “Anyway, back to the show. His, or her, question has two parts. The first is: You and NMM were together for quite some time yes? Which leads to the question of how you never had a successor as of yet.” The two humans looked at each other before the Overlord sighed. “Seriously? Someone has to ask that? Are they blind or something? I mean, I’m a human, she’s a pony. Our genetics are incompatible. I can’t sire a heir from her” He explained. “Well…” The Author rubbed his chin in thought. “Maybe they have a spell for that?” He asked, looking back at his character. “You think? They didn’t have anything like that when I came to Equestria.” “Well, a thousand years is a lot of time…” “True… I guess I should kidnap a unicorn doctor or two.” The Overlord said, making another plan in the process. “Yeah. And now for the second part of question…” Malcho smirked before he read it. “Are you impotent?” Silence reigned for a few minutes as the Author struggled to keep his chuckled in. The Overlord stayed silent, unmoving… As if he had shut down… Only the glow from his burning eyes intensified… Then it started… His armor rattled as he shook in rage. The light in the room seemed to move away, as if frightened and repulsed by him… “WHAT?” His shout was probably loud enough to be heard in the neighboring universes… It was definitely enough to deafen the Author for a bit… “Ouch…” He mumbled, rubbing his ears. “How dare he? How dares a lowly peasant even presume that? Gnarl! Send the Minions after this “refferee” pony… person… thing! I want him dragged in the dungeons! I shall deal with him personally!” With that the Overlord stood up and stormed out of the door and back in his fanfiction. The Author continued to rub at his ears for a few more seconds before sighing. “Damn… I think I lost the hearing in my left ear…” He grumbled and leaned back in his chair. “And he didn’t even wait to be dismissed… Or to answer Val’s question… Oh well, it was for the better. And just for him, I’m going to say this: what kind of Overlord will he be if he does everything when there are Minions to do the same?” “Well, that concludes this Question and Answer session. Follow my story to see when the next one is going to be, as well as who will be the starring guests.” He typed something on his keyboard before waving to the readers. “Have fun.”