Scholar's Mate

by MagnetBolt

White, Turn 3: White Bishop to C4

“Magic Kindergarten?!” The new alicorn gasped, taking a step back from Princess Celestia. The monarch sighed, obviously getting tired of the constant arguments they'd been having since the smaller pony had arrived at the palace.

“It's the best way for you to learn to control your new abilities,” Celestia said. “Don't worry, you won't be sharing a classroom with fillies a quarter your age. They'll be private lessons.”

“I can't spend another two decades in school!” The alicorn stomped a hoof, somewhere between about to cry and ready to scream in anger.

“You'll still be able to see your friends and family,” Celestia said, gently. At the mention of family, the smaller alicorn looked away, the scale having tipped in favor of sobbing. As she wiped tears from her eyes, a white wing settled around her, pulling her close to the solar princess. “I'm sorry. I forgot for a moment.”

“I was happy before all of this happened,” the younger pony muttered, sniffling. “Why can't things just be like they were before?”

“They're going to be even better. I promise.” Celestia nuzzled her neck.

“Then why can't I even leave the palace?”

“There's a right time for everything,” Celestia said. “I'm going to make sure everypony is ready for you. A new alicorn a big change, not the kind of thing anypony expects. I don't know if you've seen how my little ponies act when they get scared or confused. On their own, if you can sit and talk to them, they're smarter than you expect. A herd of them, though, panic spreads through them like a wave. Rumors get repeated, facts and fears are twisted together, and in the end they're running in circles in the streets and screaming about things that don't even exist.”

“That's...” the little alicorn considered. “I guess that's true.”

“Unfortunately, you've already been on the receiving end of that fear. In a few years, with the right rumors spread here and there, they'll be ready to accept you.”

“Years...” the pony said, with dread.

“Don't worry. You've got all the time in the world. When ponies hear about Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, they're going to fall in love at first sight. I'm going to make sure of it.”

“Isn't that my job?” Cadence asked, smiling a little now that her tears had stopped.

“I've seen a lot of ponies try to learn to fly, and I have to be honest with you here, you are probably- no, definitely- the worst.” Lucky Strike looked across the field. “Let's go over your mistakes one at a time. First...” He stepped over to a crater. “I admit that the explosion got you into the air, but if anypony had been standing next to you they'd be flying all the way to the hospital.”

“Trixie was just hoping to get a boost to help her into the air.” Trixie spat out a stray leaf. She was covered in tree sap and felt like a foal.

“Just don't do it when I'm around. Chicks dig scars, but I think I'm at the legal limit already.” Lucky smirked and flapped his single wing.

“Fine. Trixie will work on her take-offs.”

“Also, there's the actual flying.” Lucky pointed to a line of broken trees. They were thankfully miles out of Canterlot to avoid anypony seeing them. And also avoiding having to fix any buildings shattered by Trixie's unique take on aerodynamics.

“They were in my way,” Trixie said, turning up her nose.

“They wouldn't have been in your way if you'd had your eyes open!”

“Trixie had her eyes open! Mostly. Trixie was just very close to the trees before she realized it, and had to react quickly.”

“That's because you were flying at full speed. An impressive full speed, I admit.”

“It's easier to fly at high speed!” Trixie said, flapping her wings. “At low speed you have to keep flapping and it's hard to keep balanced!”

“That's because at high speed your pegasus magic keeps you in sustained flight by itself,” Lucky said. “Barely even need wings for that. If I got up to high speed I'd be able to stay in the air with just righty here.” He raised his single wing. “But I'd spin like a top. Which you were also doing.”

“Trixie has seen Wonderbolts do that trick in air shows.”

“Yes, but they intend to do it. You just launched yourself into the air with an explosion, went to panic speed as soon as you felt a little wobble, and barely opened your eyes in time to see the tree coming your way. Then you blew up half the forest.”

“Trixie barely blew up any trees at all! It's a dozen at most!” She waved a hoof.

“Also that little house.”

“That cabin jumped right out at Trixie!”

“It's a good thing nopony was home at the time, but I'm gonna tell you now that Luna generally doesn't like us blowing things up without a good reason.”

“What is this mess?” Ingrid asked, as she landed with full saddlebags. “I cannot believe this. I leave you alone with her for ten minutes and you are already teaching her to fly like a ghay'cha'.” The word had clicks in it as she snapped her beak.

“...what does that...?” Trixie looked at Lucky Strike. She didn't speak Griffonese.

“It means you are learning to fly like an idiot because your teacher is an idiot,” Ingrid said. She unstrapped the saddlebags. “If you want to learn to fly, you must fly like a predator. The ponies, they fly like prey, neg? Prey only flies fast when it is being chased. A predator must fly fast always, swiftly and surely. To fly like a predator means to fly better than your prey.”

“I promise she doesn't eat ponies,” Lucky whispered.

“Look.” Ingrid walked over and grabbed one of Trixie's wings gently. “These are hunter's wings. They are much larger than his, ah, what is the word... they are not just bigger, they are bigger compared to the rest of you.”

“You mean they're bigger proportionally,” Lucky said. Ingrid nodded.

“Yes, that is the word. Some pegasi have very small wings like tiny birds. None have wings like this, neg? They are more like griffon wings.” She spread her own wings out to show them off. “They need strength, and strength starts with what you eat. While we teach you to fly you will eat well, to make you strong and not such a weak little pony.”

“Oh no,” Lucky said, groaning, as Ingrid opened the saddlebags to reveal fish and root vegetables.

“You did not complain when our son was learning to fly!” Ingrid snapped. “Now he is the best in flight school, and all the little ponies are jealous of my little hippogriff.”

“Your... son...?” Trixie looked between them. “But I thought- you and him? Really?”

Lucky blushed and looked away. “It's complicated.”

“It is not complicated,” Ingrid countered. “He is a good little pony, sometimes. He has a strong spirit. Most ponies will break like a little twig, but he will die before his will gives out. I once broke his leg while we were sparring and he would not yield. He forced me to cede the battle for fear of hurting him permanently, and that was when I knew I wanted him.” She rubbed her beak affectionately on his neck.

“Of course she's given me a lot of scars since then. Like I've got this one on my flank-”

“Trixie does not want details!” Trixie sputtered, backing away.

“I assure you that is wise,” Koloth said, flapping his wings as he landed. “Don't let them start talking about their love lives or else you'll have nightmares even Luna can't help with. I learned about something she does with her beak that sometimes keeps me up at night.”

“Don't tell me you're here to give me flying lessons too,” Trixie asked.

“No, though I'm surprised you need help. Princess Twilight was up in the air within hours. And down again within seconds at high speed. She did eventually improve.”

“Twilight wasn't stuck in the hospital, then a magic lab, then in Nightmare Moon's castle. And Trixie assures you, it's almost impossible to learn anything about flying on an airless rock with low gravity.”

“If it was airless, how did you breathe?” Lucky asked, skeptical.

“Magic,” Trixie said.

“Just magic? No details?”

“Do you really want details?” Trixie raised an eyebrow. “Trixie could tell you about how she bravely struggled through, knowing her immortality might fail at any moment, the crushing weight of the desire to draw even one breath-”

“Nightmare Moon's castle had air,” Koloth said. “I asked Luna about it years ago.”

“Trixie was getting to that part.”

“Of course you were, Palatine,” Koloth agreed. “But we must speak. There has been something of a... development.”

“A vacation?” Luna asked, confused.

“Yes, Luna,” Celestia said, smiling. “I think it's the best thing for both of us.” She'd met Luna in the garden where Discord had once been imprisoned, though his statue had since been replaced with one of Twilight looking more regal and dignified than the young alicorn usually managed. The sculptor had taken a few liberties.

It'd have to be replaced in a few hundred years as she grew up, of course, but for now it was nice to have a reminder of her student that didn't involve the artist capturing her in the act of blowing something up with untold magical power.

“Forgive me, sister, but I wasn't expecting it.” Luna tilted her head. “Relaxing just doesn't seem to be something I'd think thou would do.”

“Nor would most ponies. It hasn't been easy keeping Equestria together without you, Luna. I had to stay on watch alone for almost a thousand years.”

Luna looked down at her hooves. “Sister...”

“Don't blame yourself. I could have, perhaps should have, turned more power over to the council to relieve the pressure on myself. I was too afraid of what might happen without one of us guiding them along. But now that you are back, and Cadence and Twilight have been crowned, there are more than enough of us for me to rest for a time.”

“Thou cannot simply drop everything,” Luna said. “They will panic. There was nearly a riot a month ago when thou and I had a late breakfast and thou were not seen on thine daily walk in the plaza!” Luna snorted. “They assumed I had usurped thee and were taking over Equestria. Merely because thou had broken routine!”

“It was amusing when they tried to rescue me, though I think Shining Armor found it more annoying than funny. Really, I was proud of them. I didn't think they would stand up for themselves quite so... strongly.”

“Thou didn't wake up with a mob in thine bedroom demanding that I release thee from entrapment. 'Twas not an entertaining day.”

“Perhaps not for you...” Celestia gave Luna a smirk, then looked away. “But you're right. I can't simply leave without warning. I need to make sure things are in order and that I'm not dropping anything too troublesome into your lap.”

“How long art thou planning on being gone?” Trixie frowned. She didn't like the way Celestia had mentioned getting her affairs in order.

“I think a month would be appropriate. If I leave in two weeks, that will bring me back in time to start planning for Hearth's Warming Eve.”

“That isn't... too long,” Luna admitted.

“I'm not going to abandon you here, Luna.” Celestia's voice lowered. “Not after finally getting you back. I just want to take some time to get away from things and make a trip I kept promising I'd make.”

“Her grave?” Luna asked, quietly. Celestia nodded.

“It's been... centuries since I visited. I'm not even sure what's left.”

“Will thou even be able to find it? After so much time-”

“A mother never forgets, Luna. I'll always know where it is.” Celestia looked away, lost in a deep memory for almost a full minute of uncomfortable silence before she spoke again, forcing a facade of happiness into her voice. “But as I was saying, my getting away from the palace will be good for you as well.”

“Assuming they do not think I've had thee imprisoned.”

“That's why we're going to hold a ball the night before I leave. A big celebration to make sure everypony knows that nothing secret is going on. I'll make a formal announcement tomorrow, though word is already getting out.”

“Thy maids never could keep a secret.”

“Nor do yours, Luna. Perhaps you'd like to discuss a certain large pillow you have, and the rather lewd cover you keep on it?”

“T-that is a state secret and thou may never speak of it or else- or else I shall make cake illegal again!”

Celestia gasped. “You'd never!”

“I would! Thou were forced to eat only pie for a week before thou could have the law repealed last time! With the inefficient ponies doing thy paperwork now, 'twould take months before thou had thy sugary treat!”

Celestia swooned dramatically. “You've won this battle, Luna. I won't tell anypony about your special pillow or whose image is printed on it.”

“Good. Then thou are free to expand thy flank as thou wishes.”

Celestia smiled. “I'll take a few cakes with me just in case. While I'm gone, the Day Court will be suspended. The ponies will have to bend to serve your schedule.”

“I thought thou would have Twilight fill in for thine absence.”

“No, she has her own castle and court to attend to, and she needs to learn to be her own ruler, not merely my shadow. The same is true of Cadence, though when she suggested this idea she was all too eager to take over my role for a time.” Celestia sighed.

“So this is Princess Cadenza's idea,” Luna noted, narrowing her eyes.

“It's a good one, Luna. If ponies are forced to go to Night Court by this new schedule, they'll learn to appreciate you more. I suspect that many will learn they prefer to have you rule on their disputes. Even if we have ruled together for a very long time, we have never seen eye to eye on all the little details.”

“True enough,” Luna agreed. “Fine, then. They shall see that the Princess of the Moon is just as fair as the Princess of the Sun, though I will not suffer the same fools thou does in court. I still do not know why thou allows some of the fools to prattle on when thou has better things to do.”

“One of the biggest mistakes we ever made was not listening. First we forgot to listen to the ponies we ruled, then we forgot to listen to each other.” Celestia smiled sadly. “Just because we might think somepony's concerns are below us, it doesn't mean we're right. It might just mean we lack the proper perspective.”

Luna smiled. “That is a difficult lesson to learn.”

“The learning of it nearly broke me,” Celestia admitted, nuzzling her sister affectionately. “Now, let's discuss the meetings I have planned for next month...”

“She's just leaving?” Trixie asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Luna wants us to be ready,” Koloth explained. “Night Court will be more busy than ever, and Luna has decided, in her infinite wisdom, that you need to be exposed to it, and that means your legion will be Luna's primary guard. Most units would consider it an honor and easy duty. Personally, I fear for our chances at success even at standing still and trying to simply avoid embarrassing ourselves.”

“Trixie understands why.” She looked over at where Lucky and Ingrid were arguing, the griffon looming over the pegasus and yelling something incomprehensible. Lucky yelled back, and Ingrid roared and slapped him with a talon. Seconds later, they had tongues down each others' throats.

“Some of the others are almost as bad. As long as we keep those two away from each other, they won't be distracted enough to cause trouble.” Koloth sighed. “Can you...?”

Trixie nodded and grabbed her canteen with magic, emptying it over the two as they started to graduate to something that shouldn't be done in public and never in front of your superior officer. They pulled away from each other, dripping and sputtering as the cold water spilled over them.

“Thank you,” Koloth said. “We have some time to prepare. Assignments are technically your prerogative, but I have some suggestions to keep the real troublemakers away from each other.”

“You know them better than Trixie does,” Trixie admitted. “But Trixie thinks what we need is a dry run. Trixie would always rehearse again and again before a show to make sure she wouldn't make any mistakes.”

Celestia departed, leaving Luna alone. Or as alone as a member of royalty ever really got, which meant that there were still maids quietly waiting to make themselves useful and guards posted outside the door.

“You may leave,” Luna said, addressing the maids formally and waving a hoof to dismiss them. The maids bowed and started leaving. Luna stopped one with a look. “You, stay. I desire a cup of tea before I retire for the day.”

The blue maid bowed and remained that way until the other maids had left. When the door closed, she stood up and glanced at it and the window before turning to Luna.

“How do you always know?” Mandi asked, as the changeling dropped his disguise, returning to his mildly horrible natural form.

“A princess never reveals all her secrets,” Luna said, with a smile. She motioned for the changeling to sit with her, pouring two cups of tea from the cooling pot as Mandi got comfortable on the pillows there. “Now, make thy report, Princeps.”

“I've been tailing Cadence as you asked, Princess.” Mandi sipped the tea and frowned at the bitter flavor, putting it to the side to ignore it politely. “She's really interesting to watch. Do you know she has a harem? I didn't think Shining Armor would be into that, but-”

“And her plans?” Luna asked, cutting the changeling off.

"She doesn't trust you or Celestia worth a toss, and she feels inadequate. Cadence is trying to keep all of you busy while she does whatever it is that she's planning. She isn't stupid enough to do a monologue without an audience, so all I can get is what she lets slip from her asides and ominous but vague mutterings."

"Ah yes. I am familiar with that." Luna nodded. "I was once quite an expert at ominous muttering."

"Good Morning, Sister."
"Oh yes, it's to die for."

"Is it time already, Luna? I feel like I just closed my eyes."
"Not yet, but it will be soon. Very soon."

"Were you thinking of coming to the Gala? I hear that cute Lulamoon girl you have a crush on will be there."
"Will the black lace be too slutty?"

"What was that last one?" Mandi asked.

"Never thou mind!" Luna blushed. "Did I do the thing where I say the things in my head out loud?"

"...No," Mandi said, after deliberating for a moment. "And you also didn't make Celestia sound like a squeaky little foal."

"Good." Luna nodded in very serious agreement. She coughed and continued. “Just as well. She may be on sister's good side, but a month away from her wiles will serve to defuse any plans she might have had to use Tia as leverage.”

“Who do you have following Princess Celestia?”

“Nopony. My sister needs to make this journey alone. I... understand her pain, and I will not be the one to intrude on her pilgrimage.”

“If you say so.” Mandi shrugged.

“I do,” Luna said, firmly. “Whatever Cadence is planning, it will not be the end of Equestria. There are signs and portents about each great disaster, and I would know better than any when the stars are right.”

“Speaking of that, she and Celestia were talking about some prophesy with six alicorns...”

“Ah, that. 'Tis an old story from long before the founding of Equestria. Antikythera foresaw it in that first age. It made no sense at the time, but she said that one day a sixth alicorn would arise and it would mean-” Luna was interrupted by a knock at her door. She looked at Mandi. The changeling backed up and changed shape again into the maid.

“Enter!” Luna called. The door opened and Trixie walked into the room, coat still sticky with tree sap.

“Trixie apologizes for the unannounced entrance, Luna,” She pulled a pinecone out of her mane. “And Trixie will pay to have the pine tree in the garden replaced. It was in the way when Trixie was coming in for a landing.”

“I take it thy flying lessons are going well?” Luna smirked.

“They are- going.” Trixie coughed. “Trixie heard about what's going on already. We need practice before we can properly stand guard. Trixie was hoping that she could ask you for assistance in finding a venue for this rehearsal.”

Luna smiled and clapped her hooves. “Thou have read my mind, Palatine! 'Twould be foolish to send thee and thine soldiers to the mercy of keeping the court in order without preparing thou. I have already taken the liberty of finding thou an appropriate place to test thy troops' mettle.”

“Really?” Trixie raised an eyebrow. She glanced at the maid. “Mandi, get Trixie a fresh cup of tea.”

“Oh sure, ma'am- wait, how in Tartarus did you know it was me?” Mandi dropped his disguise, glaring at Trixie.

“A magician never reveals all of her secrets.”

The Canterlot Anomalous Art Museum hosted one of the finest exhibits of enchanted artwork in the world. It had everything from portraits that moved as if the subjects were alive to statues that appeared as something new and different to each viewer. The most popular gallery at the moment was the new exhibit by one Al'Azhoof, a Saddle Arabian mare whose work was being put on public display in Equestria for the first time, after the recent upturn in relations with the country.

“Remind Trixie again why she shouldn't blast that part of the museum into a crater!” Trixie snapped, still blushing bright red. Her armor was disheveled, and her mane had been thrown into disarray. “Why would anypony make an entire room full of animated tentacles and call it performance art?!”

“It was better than that statue that moved every time we weren't looking at it,” Babbidi shivered. “And you can't blow up the museum. We're supposed to be protecting it.”

'Trixie thinks art like this is severely stretching the definition of art and nearly reaching the level of declaration of war.” She snorted. “Help me fix my armor. I can't get the clasps with this magic suppression field.”

“I'm surprised you can't break through it with your power,” Babbidi commented, as she helped adjust Trixie's armor so her wings were covered by her star-covered cape and the showmare didn't look like she'd been wrestling the naughty octopus (which, ironically, was the literal translation of the piece's name). “I mean, you broke through mine.”

“Trixie has seen the spell before, and it's different from the Smooze. It can't be broken through with power. It twists the shape of spells that are cast within it back on themselves. The stronger the spell, the more it fights against itself. Even Celestia wouldn't be able to do anything here.” Trixie sighed and adjusted her mane. “Thank you, Babbidi.”

“Thank you for saving me from that very adventurous tentacle,” Babbidi said, coughing and looking away.

“Don't mention it,” Trixie said. “Really, I mean it. Never mention it again.”

“It would be nice if it was quiet,” Babbidi grumbled, as they exited the empty exhibit hall, two Night Guards letting them through the velvet ropes keeping the section walled off.

“Trixie should have known that it wouldn't be a normal night. Nothing in Trixie's life has been normal for a long time now.” The two passed into the main foyer of the museum, where a wall of noise met them. Not the riotous noise of a Pinkie Pie party, but the soft sounds of music and the babble of high-class Canterlot ponies discussing things in little social circles, a few social butterflies drifting between them. The largest of the circle was centered on Al'Azhoof herself, the mare – small by Saddle Arabian standards but still standing a head taller than the other ponies around her – was quietly soaking up praise from the movers and shakers around her.

It was something Trixie had always wanted to experience, but never had the luck or skill to manage. She felt a pang of envy for the fame she'd never really managed to attain. Even what honest accomplishments she'd actually managed were buried under a veil of state secrecy, all because Celestia wanted to keep ponies from knowing how close her student had come to ending the world.

“Palatine,” Koloth said, walking up to Trixie and breaking her train of thought. “We're all in position. There aren't any major problems yet.”

“Trixie takes it that means there were minor problems,” She said, looking away from Al'Azhoof to give Koloth her full attention.

“Durin caught some idiot trying to use a sculpture as a bathroom. The idiot was so drunk he thought the glowing ceremonial chalice was a toilet. Or something like that. Durin was a bit rough with him. I don't expect it will bring trouble back on us later, but no doubt there will be a complaint from his family in the morning.”

“Trixie is happy as long as the problems are from the guests and not from her legion.” It was starting to feel good to call it HER legion.

“True enough,” Koloth agreed. They started to circle the room, staying near the wall and out of the way of the guests. The conversation died for a moment until they were behind the musicians, Koloth spending a moment appreciating a gray mare's flank before Trixie coughed and got his attention again. “There is one other thing, though I don't think it really bears mention.”

“I used that excuse a lot when I was researching the Element of Dominance,” Babbidi said, thinking aloud. “Usually what it really means is that you don't want to tell somepony something but know you should anyway.”

Koloth snorted. “Fine. If you must know, half of the soldiers are near to falling asleep on their feet. Some are bored, others just lazy. The other half seem convinced we're about to be attacked by something horrible. It doesn't help that Ingrid swears she can smell blood on the wind and Mandi is helpfully keeping everypony on edge by sneaking around and jumping out of the shadows.”

“Wonderful,” Trixie sighed.

“The good news is, in an hour that new sculpture will be revealed...” Babbidi pointed to a tarp concealing the centerpiece of the exhibit. “Then everypony will clap, they'll make comments about how much it represents the concept of some vague emotion, then once everypony is done being pretentious they'll drink another round and make their escape back to the beds of their wives, husbands, and/or mistresses.”

“Of course we're stuck here all night,” Koloth noted. “When I say we though I don't mean officers. Standing watch over empty rooms is the work of enlisted ponies.”

“Naturally,” Trixie agreed, smiling. “And we can't leave some of them bored too long or else they'll end up like Ingrid and Lucky.”

“Not even Nightmare Moon would doom Equestria with more of them,” Koloth groaned.

Durin grumbled to himself as he stalked through the dark outer galleries of the museum. It wasn't that he disliked being on patrol. It was one of the things he liked best, actually, to just be able to walk in a nice slow circle. It was unambiguous and simple, just like Durin, not that the donkey would use those terms himself.

Consequently, when the net dropped on him, he was more annoyed that his routine had been disturbed than that he'd been attacked.

“What in Tartarus?” He tried to get free, but a tiny net had been dropped on him, and it was an inescapable trap. He struggled, but every movement only made the net close tighter and tighter until he was wrapped up solidly.

Durin cursed under his breath as he was dragged away. It was going to be a long night.

“We really shouldn't be doing this,” Lucky said, as he put his armor aside. Ingrid rolled her eyes and buffeted him with a wing, knocking him over onto a pile of rags they'd found in the janitor's closet.

“Then you should not have been teasing me so, neg?” Ingrid ran a talon down his face. “You were staring at my wings all night.”

“I mean we're going to get caught.” Lucky's ears folded back as Ingrid circled him like a shark. The griffoness laughed and pounced on him.

“And who is going to catch us? Koloth would not care. The Palatine would probably wish to join in – I have heard rumors of what showmares get up to.” She leaned in to whisper in his ear. “And the insect just likes to watch.”

The door opened. Ingrid and Lucky froze, eyes going wide.

“I just hope everypony can stay out of trouble until everyone leaves,” Babbidi said.

“What's the worst that could happen?” Trixie asked with a shrug. This was entirely the wrong thing to say, as the universe had just been waiting for Trixie to get comfortable before striking with full force to ruin her day.

So the moment the words left her lips, there was an explosion. It wasn't a giant explosion, just a small one, more designed to get attention and alert ponies that there were explosions going on than to actually rend them limb from limb. It was the kind of explosion you might find as part of a stage act, though Trixie would have had more sparkles and colors.

Of course she didn't generally have a dozen ponies with crossbows and masks. The pony walking through the smoke left behind by the explosion did, in fact, have a dozen henchponies, all earth ponies, with the aforementioned crossbows.

“Nopony move!” Shouted one of the henchponies. The leader smirked and walked into the middle of the crowd, armed thugs spreading out to cover them.

“Well, what do we have here? A crowd of annoying, foppish unicorns who think they're just so much better than earth ponies!” The leader smirked. He had a light gray coat that glimmered in the light where it wasn't matted and dirty, a white mane shot through with greenish streaks, and a massive scar creeping from his forehead down between his eyes.

“No way.” Trixie groaned. “Of all the ponies Trixie had to run into...”

“You know him?” Babbidi asked.

“He was Trixie's first coltfriend,” she sighed.

“...Palatine forgive me if I'm being indelicate,” Koloth whispered. “But I have heard that you were rather... intolerable in the past. I don't mean to suggest that your wonderful personality turned your coltfriend into an anti-unicorn terrorist, but...” he trailed off.

“Trixie did not turn him insane with her feminine wiles!” Trixie snapped.

“Oh it is my lucky day. This was clearly meant to be!” The scarred pony smiled and walked towards Trixie. “Of all the unicorns I could have found, it's the one who ruined my life!”

Koloth looked at Trixie and raised an eyebrow. The showmare sighed.

“Trixie didn't ruin your life, Praxis.” Trixie stepped forward, getting between him and the crowd of guests. “You got upset because Trixie was better with illusion spells than you were and you had a breakdown.”

“You made me think you were Princess Celestia and you had come to kick me out personally for cheating on tests!”

“You tattled on Trixie for using divination magic to get test answers ahead of time!”

“Because you broke up with me!”

“Trixie caught you stealing her socks and makeup!”

“WE AGREED NEVER TO TALK ABOUT THAT!” Praxis screamed. He coughed and composed himself. “But I see you've gone on to run everypony else's life as one of the corrupt and inept guards that protect this tribalist nation and its rulers! Unicorns compromise over ninety percent of the nobility of Equestria! That is unfair representation!”

“Praxis, you're a unicorn,” Trixie sighed.

“Not since the accident!” He declared, loudly. “When you made me have a panic attack and I jumped out the window! I broke my horn, Trixie!”

“It was just cracked! It would have healed if you would have rested instead of trying to cast a matter transmutation spell with a horn fracture!”

“IT WAS ONLY THE BEGINNING OF MY REVENGE!” Praxis yelled. “I was thrown out of school and became destitute! I had to-”

“Blah blah blah,” Trixie rolled her eyes. “You got free medical care until you started refusing treatment and ran away. Trixie had to explain to your parents what happened! You never even told them! Do you know how awkward it was for Trixie?!”

“AS I WAS SAYING, I lost my magic and had to live as the noble earth ponies do! I learned how much the government ignores and oppresses them!”

“No wonder you broke up with him,” Babbidi muttered.

“He wasn't this bad when we were dating,” Trixie whispered.

“Look at this museum,” Praxis said, waving a hoof at the exhibits. “One of the finest museums in Canterlot, and no earth pony could hope to have their art displayed here! It's all useless magic done for the sake of being useless magical art, a little show for unicorns to lord it over the ponies that grow the food that keeps this country fed!”

“Are you done?” Trixie asked. “Because Trixie is putting you under arrest, along with your goons.”

“They are freedom fighters, not goons! And we're not going anywhere!” Praxis dramatically opened his cape, revealing a complicated alchemical rig strapped to his body. “One wrong move and I'll mix this dragon guano and sulphur and we'll all go boom.”

“A bomb?!” Trixie stepped back. Praxis advanced on her.

“That's right. I just had to arrange a little accident at the old school lab so I could sneak in and get the materials. I'm holding everypony here hostage until Celestia comes to hear our demands for earth pony equality!”

Trixie bit her lip. This was not how she pictured a fancy dress party to go. “If you give up now, Trixie promises that she will have Luna listen to what you have to say. Threatening ponies won't get you anywhere.”

“As if you could convince a princess to do anything.”

“Oh, Trixie is her personal student,” Babbidi said, trying to be helpful. Praxis' eye twitched. “Luna adores her.”

“You're her personal student and a member of the Royal Guard?!”

“Of the highest rank,” Babbidi confirmed. “And the savior of Equestria, though the record of what she did is a state secret of the highest level.”

“Stop trying to help!” Trixie hissed.

“You know, there's mocking me and there's just bucking with me, and right now you're doing the latter.” Praxis seethed. “There's no way that a princess would take a lazy self-aggrandizing trickster like HER as a personal student, and trying to convince me that she's a hero and an officer is just insulting to my intelligence!”

“Well she-”

“She's disappointing,” Praxis continued. “I thought maybe she'd have learned something after being driven to do some real honest work on a rock farm. And yes, I know all about that. I've kept tabs on the pony who ruined me.”

“Not lately, apparently,” Koloth noted, with a snort.

“BUT I see that she is just as bad as the rest!” Praxis talked over the thestral. “I don't know who she conned to get into the guard, but there's no way that she is anything other than a fake!” He shoved Trixie back with a hoof.

Trixie's wings sprung up on their own as she was thrown off balance. She'd spent days trying to learn the reflexes that would keep her from falling, and that was coming back to bite her in the plot.

Praxis sputtered and blinked at the sight.

“What? Just- What? You-” He was at a loss for words. As were most of the unicorns in attendance. “You know what? Forget the hostage thing. I'm a hundred and ten percent done with this. I'm just gonna blow us all to Tartarus.”