Cold showers were my least favorite things to do in the morning. In fact, they ranked pretty high on my all time list of least favorite things, just above getting electrocuted. But this morning, I couldn’t deny how badly I needed one.
I’d woken up around four a.m. last night, and because life just loves to hate me I hadn’t gotten any sleep since. Needless to say, that made me more than a little tired. After I spent the better part of the morning arguing with myself, I’d finally agreed to suffer through one.
Now I slowly turned the knob in my shower to off, my body shivering ferociously. I launched out, grabbed a towel and patted myself dry. My mane was still soaking wet, so I wrapped the towel around my head and decided that would be enough.
I left the bathroom shortly after. It was already half past ten, so getting breakfast at this point wouldn’t be the best idea with Derpy’s picnic in less than two hours. In fact I should probably head out soon. I had no idea how long it would take to get to Ponyville – all I had to go on was a general direction to fly in.
Planning on leaving, I walked through my bedroom. Luckily, I remembered to take the towel off my head before walking out the door. My white mane was still damp, but I figured enough flying would dry it out before too long. I threw the used towel onto my bed haphazardly.
The act of looking at my bed vaguely forces me to acknowledge its stark emptiness. Truth be told I was getting rather sick of that. It had been nearly two and a half weeks since my last fling. In my books, that was too long to go without bucking a dude.
I took off flying, leaving my house behind. My destination was Lightning Dust’s apartment, even though I couldn’t really remember how to get there. It wasn’t hard to find; all I had to do was look for the shittiest place in Cloudsdale.
I landed just outside the apartment complex, the smell somehow worse now than what it was on Wednesday. I took a deep breath in through my mouth and walked inside.
There was a receptionist waiting in the lobby. Prior to my arrival she had been flipping through an outdated magazine and scratching a rather… unmentionable part of her body. It seemed she was just sleazy enough to work in a place like this.
When I walked in her blue eyes lit up in surprise and she worked to make herself look presentable. I found this a little odd; it was not what I expected her to do at all. I got the vibe that she usually treated ponies with varying degrees of irritation.
“Hi,” she said politely, giving me a quick glance over and a smile. “What can I do for you?”
“I’m just here looking for a friend,” I replied stopping in front of her desk. “Maybe you can help me, cause I’m not sure what her room number is.”
“Yeah absolutely.” The orange mare reached for something. “Let me just grab the tenant listings. What’s her name?”
“Lightning Dust."
“Okay, no problem.” She glanced up at me and then looked down at the list. “So is she like your marefriend or something?”
“Lightning? No, she’s not really my type,” I replied casually. The orange receptionist smiles like she just won the Wonderbolt’s Derpy and leans closer to me.
“Really? Well, what is your type then?” She asked, a hint of sultriness in her voice.
It finally cracked through my thick skull that she’s flirting with me. It gave me a slightly mean idea. I leaned in close to her so that our muzzles were barely an inch apart. Smiling, I said, “Male and breathing.”
The orange mare stiffened, cheeks flushing red. “O-oh. Okay then.” I can tell she felt immensely awkward right now, so I fight the urge to cackle with laughter. “Uh… It says Lightning is down that hall. Should be the third door on your right.”
“Thanks.” I grinned more than I probably should. The receptionist looked like she wanted to crawl underneath her desk. Vaguely, I wondered if I shouldn’t use my sexuality to make other ponies uncomfortable.
Lightning’s door – and I use that term very loosely – is partially cracked open when I reach it. I knock as gently as I dare, but it still started to slide open anyways.
“Hey, Lightning, you here?” I called out. A muffled groan answers me. Walking inside, I found her lying face down in her bed. “Hey, get up.” I told her.
“Too tired,” she muttered.
“It’s practically eleven,” I said. “And you’ve been lying in bed all day. How are you still tired?”
Lightning rolled over, the bags under her eyes very noticeable. “Because sleeping on this cloud is like sleeping on a sack of rocks.”
Well there’s a sentence that has never been uttered before, I thought to myself. To Lightning I said, “Don’t you want to get to the picnic soon?”
“I guess,” she mumbled into the cloud bed.
“Still nervous about touching the ground for the first time?” I asked. She weakly nodded. “Well let me put it to you this way,” I say. “On the ground right now is our friend Derpy with a basket of free food, and the possibility of a job.”
This caused Lightning’s head to drift off her shoddy mattress. “Okay.”
She rolled off the bed and landed on the floor with a thud. I flinched at the impact. Clouds were not supposed to make thud noises. It only reaffirmed my decision to get Lightning out of here as fast as possible. I bent down and helped her up.
“Thanks,” she said, rubbing the back of her head.
We left Lightning’s room, the aqua marine mare slamming her door closed. As we exited the building, the receptionist noticeably avoided eye contact with me, which of course caused a little smirk to crawl onto my face.
Outside, I unfurled my wings, and Lightning followed suit. We lifted off, and I noticed the simple act of flying seems to have an affect on my friend. Her sleepiness is battered away and she swooped around in the sky gracefully. With a deep breath she soaked in the fresh morning air and climbed to a higher altitude. I flapped harder to catch up.
“Well somepony’s certainly feeling plucky,” I remarked as we pass over the edge of Cloudsdale. Lightning smileed.
“Yeah,” she replied. “It’s crazy but… I almost forgotten how good flying feels.”
“Haven’t been doing a lot of it lately?” I asked with a raised eyebrow.
“I haven’t been doing much of anything lately,” she admited. “Sans drinking.”
“Yeah I hear that,” I replied. “Lately it feels like nothing significant happens to me unless it’s at that bar.”
“It’s kinda why I’m looking forward to this picnic,” she said. “I need a change of scenery.”
My stomach grumbled. “I just need some food,” I replied. “I skipped breakfast this morning."
Lightning's stomach growled, giving mine a run for its money. “So did I,” she mentioned. “And… dinner last night.”
I suddenly felt guilty about being hungry. “Was my loan any help?” I wondered aloud.
“It got me a few meals worth of fast food,” Lightning said. “I swear I’ll pay you back every bit I owe.”
“Nah, you don’t have to,” I replied.
“Yes I do,” Lightning affirmed. “Otherwise it’s charity, and you know how I feel about that.”
“Fine, fine,” I muttered. “Be a stubborn mule and insist on giving me money. See if I care.” I did actually. I hated the idea of Lightning feeling that she owed me.
“So where’s this town we’re going to?” Lightning asked, having already forgot the name.
“Ponyville,” I reminded her. Pointing with my hooves southward I said, “Somewhere in that direction.”
“Got it." Without wasting a second, Lightning catapulted herself forward. The wind generated by this is enough to knock me back a few feet. When I recovered, I saw Lightning Dust already halfway to the horizon.
“Holy shit!” I shouted in earnest shock. In the distance, Lightning looked back and stopped. She’s back next to me in the span of four seconds.
“Sorry,” she said. “Sometimes I forget my own speed.”
“Damn Lightning, you left me in the dust. That was just… wow.”
Lightning blushed at my fanfare. We began flying, this time she let me set the pace. “It wasn’t that impressive.”
“You bucking kidding?” I asked. “I’m no expert, but I’d say you went from zero to a eleven wingpower in the blink of an eye. In mid-air to boot.”
“Like I said, not that impressive,” Lightning sayed. “Normally I do better than that.”
“No bucking way."
“I’m serious. I can do better than that when I’m not so tired and hungry,” she replied, swerving to avoid a wayward cloud. “Wait, can’t you do that?”
“Absolutely not!” I said. “I’m lucky to hit eight wingpower when I’m at my best. I think the fastest weather worker I know can barely hit ten, and that’s after a gravity assisted plunge dive.”
“Really?” Lightning said dubiously. “I’d always thought most pegasi were better than that.”
“Like hell we are,” I told her. “Have you ever measured your wingpower?”
“No, my dad could never get the right equipment for it, but I always wanted to know.”
“You’re probably off the charts,” I said. My vision suddenly honed in on a series of small buildings on the ground. I began to descend and Lightning followed me.
“You really think so?” Lightning asked.
“Hell yeah. You could take frickin’ gold at the Equestria Games.”
Lightning smiled at the thought of that. We hovered about five feet from the ground now and I began looking around. “You see a lake anywhere around here?”
“Hang on a sec,” she tod me. I was about to ask why, but she rocketed up into the sky again. She’s down a second later, just like she said.
“I found it.” Lightning grabbed my hoof and suddenly we’re zooming through town. We blew past a newsstand, launching the papers into a cluttered mess. The mane’s of ponies whipped aside as Lightning flew by. I find myself impressed again, seeing as how she’s dragging me as dead weight and still going fast.
A lake sped into view and Lightning mercifully slowed down, coming to a halt. I slid onto the ground, my white mane blown into a completely new style from Lightning’s flight. As I worked to straighten it, I noticed Lightning hasn’t landed yet.
“Nervous?” I asked. She glanced at the ground with uncertainty. I patted the green blades with my hooves. “Don’t worry Lightning, grass can’t hurt you.”
Biting her lip, she lowers herself a few inches, then immediately flies back up before she comes close. I groaned. “Lightning Dust, you’re touching the ground, not loosing your virginity. Just do it and be done already.”
“Don’t rush me!” She yelled back.
“All right fine,” I said, lying down. “I’m gonna take a nap then.” I closed my eyes. “I’ll probably wake up long before you get close.”
“Not funny, Rider,” she told me. I don’t respond, except for a subtle snoring noise. Lightning poked me. “Seriously dude, not cool,”
“Maybe if you were on the ground I would wake up,” I told her. I don’t hear a response for a while. Then Lightning nudged me indignantly.
“Rider,” she said. “Grass feels weird on my hooves.”
My eyes jutted open and I saw four aqua-marine hooves firmly planted on Earth’s grassy surface. I smiled widely
“Congratulations,” I said. “You’ve just done what thousands of ponies do everyday.”
“Don’t ruin the moment with your sarcasm,” Lightning fired back, “Come on, I think I see Derpy waiting for us.”
I hopped to all fours and glanced around. About a quarter of the way around the lake I spotted the red checkerboard pattern of a picnic blanket. There were two ponies already there.
“Let’s go,” I said, brushing the clinging grass from my coat. Lightning gets into a take off position, but I hold out a foreleg to stop her. “Why don’t we walk there?” I suggested. “Unless you think you can’t handle it.”
She responded to my challenge very maturely and hit my shoulder. After a sharp under-the-breath cursing, I started walking. Lightning was a little more tentative, almost like she had to force herself to push each hoof forward. Each time her hoof touched the ground I get the feeling she expected it to sink down slightly, like it would on clouds.
We near the picnic blanket and Derpy waved to us. I tooke note of the second pony sitting by her. He was a chestnut brown Earth pony with a green tie on. Curiosity grabbed hold and I could tell Lightning was feeling the same. Though she might not have been thinking quite the same thing as me.
Damn, he’s hot.
Derpy happily bounded up to us. “Hey Lightning. Hey Rider.”
“Hi Derpy, good to see you,” Lightning said. Derpy smiled and brushed some of her blonde mane behind her ear. The chestnut stallion walked up to us.
“Oh,” Derpy remembered. “Guys, I hope it’s okay if I invited another friend of mine to eat with us.”
“Of course it is.” Lightning smiled, happy for an opportunity to make a third friend.
“Nice to meet you both,” the stallion said, his voice like butter. “My name is Time Turner.”
“Good to meet you. I’m Lightning Dust.” She offered a hoof and Time Turner shook it. He turned to me.
“Hi, I’m Dawn Rider,” I said shaking his hoof. The next thing stupidly rolled out before I could stop it. “You’re really sexy.”
“What?” Time Turner said.
“What?” I echoed.
“What?” Derpy asked looking at me.
“What?” Lightning said doing the same.
“What?” I reiterated.
There’s a very long, very awkward silence that followed. The back of my neck broke out in a cold sweat as I mentally shot myself in the head.
“Uh… I'm sorry, I must have misheard you. What did you just say?” Time Turner asked.
“I said what,” I replied.
“No, before that,” Time Turner specified.
“I also said what,” I said, begging for the topic to be dropped.
“Before that.” Time Turner was irritated now.
With a sigh I told him. “I… called you sexy.”
“Ah,” Time Turner replied, expression unreadable. “So I did hear you correctly.”
My yellow face was beet red by now. “Can we just pretend I never said that?”
“No, I don’t think that’s possible,” Time Turner said. “But… for your sake I’ll pretend I never heard it.”
I breathed with relief. “Thank you.”
“I definitely heard it,” Lightning said.
“Me too,” Derpy added.
“Shut up both of you,” I hissed through clenched teeth. All three of them laughed. I would be glad we were getting along, but I’m not, considering it’s at my expense.
“You guys ready to eat?” Time asked, gesturing to the picnic.
“Hell yeah,” Lightning said. She’s the first one to sit down. Derpy giggled at her enthusiasm and pulled out food. Her choice of snack doesn’t surprise me.
“Blueberry muffins?” Lightning asked. “That’s an interesting choice for lunch.”
“Yeah,” Derpy replied with a slight blush. “I just… really like muffins. I hope that’s okay.”
“Of course it is,” Lightning said, ecstatic. “I love muffins!”
“Really?” Derpy asked, surprised.
“Yeah, they were practically the only thing I would eat as a kid,” Lightning said, digging into one.
“Wow,” Derpy realized. “I guess that’s something we have in common.” She inched closer to Lightning, and brushed her hair out of her face again. Lightning noticed this and started to raise an eyebrow.
“So, Turner,” I said changing the subject before we got into dangerous territory. “What do you do for a living?”
“I work with clocks,” he told me. “Building and repairing mostly.”
“You make it sound like you don’t do anything,” Derpy scolded. “When we both know you spend practically every hour of the day cooped up in that tiny workshop of yours.”
“Not every hour,” Turner replied with mock offense. Derpy rolled her out of sync eyes as Time Turner turned to me. “She thinks I don’t get out enough.”
“I bet you don’t,” I said. He huffed.
“So what do you do, Dawn?”
“You can just call me Rider,” I said. Nopony called me by my first name, mostly cause I hated it. So why did it sound so great when Turner said it? Maybe I should let him call me by it. Suddenly I became aware that I still had a question to answer. “I just work as a supervisor at the Weather Factory.”
“Really? I would think that with your Cutie Mark you’d have a different line of work.”
I glanced back to the silhouetted pony on my flank in the middle of dancing. Wait, did this mean Turner was staring at my plot?
“It’s kinda hard to make it as a dancer,” I replied. “Especially since I mostly do interpretive.”
“I’m sure you could make it,” Derpy said. “Have you ever actually tried?”
“I auditioned for a few musicals."
Lightning took a break from inhaling her second muffin. “Wow, a gay guy in a musical. How are you that much of a stereotype?”
“Be quiet,” I demanded.
“Did you make it into any?” Turner asked, ignoring the interruption.
“I did two back in college,” I said. “Manespray and Robin Hoof.”
“Wait, Robin Hoof?” Derpy asked. “I think I saw that one.”
“Was it at the Cloudsdale Community College Theater?” I asked with slight nervousness.
She gasped. “Yes! You were the Sheriff of Trottingham weren’t you?”
“Yeah,” I groaned.
Derpy clapped with delight. “I remember! You were so good. Though I thought your costume was... let's say hilariously bad.”
“It wasn’t supposed to be,” I said going for a muffin. “It was supposed to be a serious representation of medieval clothing.”
“Well it wasn’t, especially not with those unflattering tights.”
Lightning Dust erupted with laughter. “You wore tights?!”
The blood under my cheeks burned. “I said be quiet, or I’ll shove your muffin up your ass!”
“Hey, don’t disrespect my muffin!” Derpy said. At first I thought she meant the food she made for us, but the slight tinting of her cheeks told me ‘muffin’ might have been a cute little nickname for somepony.
I’m the only one who picked up on this, as Lightning is howled with laughter, and Time Turner fought to suppress his own.
“Well,” Turner said with the slightest chuckle. “You’ll have to let me know when your next musical is. I’ve just got to see it.”
“Don’t expect it to be soon,” I mumbled into my muffin. “I’m not exactly Bridleway material.”
“Don’t feel bad Rider,” Lightning said, coming down from her laughter high. “In all seriousness you probably could make it if you tried.”
“Thanks,” I replied. It was nice to have a little support, even if those old dreams had died years ago. “So Derpy, you got anything besides muffins?”
Derpy checked the basket. “A few daisy sandwiches if you’re up for them.”
I nodded, so did Time Turner.
“I’m good with just the muffins,” Lightning said. “Derpy, did you make these yourself?”
“Yeah,” Derpy bashfully handed me a sandwich. She tossed the other over to Turner, who gracefully dropped it on the ground.
“Well they’re wonderful. You’re an amazing cook.” Lightning told her, working on muffin number four.
Derpy went into a full on blush from that one compliment. I felt like I should interject before something went south, but I already bit into the sandwich.
“I’m glad you like them,” the gray pegasus said. “If you ever want them again I’d love to bake some more for you.”
“I may just have to take you up on that offer,” Lightning Dust said, licking the crumbs from her hooves and going for a fifth. I’d make a comment about the excessive eating, but considering Dust hasn’t had food in Celestia knows how long I save my breath.
“It’s such a nice day,” I remarked instead. “I wish I’d brought a Frisbee or something.”
“We could always race if you want to do something physical,” Lightning suggested.
“Oh sure, because that’s fair,” Time Turner lamented. “Three pegasi and an Earth pony in a race. I wonder who doesn't stand a chance.”
“It’s not like Derpy and I have much hope for winning,” I told him. “Dust is practically a professional athlete.”
“Really?” Turner asked, looking at her in modest admiration. “That’s impressive.”
“Well, not exactly,” Lightning said with a slight downtrodden tone.
“Oh quit the self-pity party,” I called out. “I’ve seen what you can do, and I guarantee the Bolt’s will be knocking down your door and demanding you join them before too long.”
She offered a smile, but dives for another muffin. Turner looked at me.
“What am I missing here?” He whispered to me.
“The Wonderbolt’s Academy kicked her out,” I whispered back. Time’s expression showed he knew not to press the issue.
“So who’s up for that race?” I asked, hoping to lift Lightning’s spirits a little.
“I’ll do it,” Derpy said. “I’ve got to see just how fast you can go, Lightning.”
“Okay sure,” she replied, leaving her fifth muffin halfway finished. I crammed the rest of the sandwich in my mouth.
“I’m going to sit this one out,” Time decided. “But I’ll at least be the referee.”
“Sounds good,” I said. I dug a line in the dirt. “We’ll do a lap around the lake, starting and finishing here.”
“Okay,” Lightning said, stretching her wings in preparation. All three of us took up our starting positions.
“Ready…” Time Turner called. “Set… Go!”
Lightning took off like a bullet, kicking up the dirt near Derpy and me. I spat, and wiped my eyes. I made it in the air right after Derpy. Glancing, I saw Lightning already at the halfway point.
As impressed as I was, I kept going. Derpy and I rounded the corner and we ended up neck and neck for the rest of the race. When we finally reached the finish line, Lightning was reclining on the ground.
Derpy pulled ahead of me at the last possible second, leaving me to cross last.
“Nice job guys,” Lightning said a little snarky. “I have to admit, I was on the edge of my seat wondering who would get second place.”
“Ha ha,” I muttered, a decent amount of sweat on my face. Derpy hovered over to Lightning.
“You were amazing,” she gushed, just a little short of breath. “I’ve never seen anypony move that fast.”
“Thanks Derpy,” Lightning said. “You did pretty great yourself.”
The gray mare’s face was already red from exertion, but I was willing to bet there was a blush hidden in there.
“Any food left?” Lightning asked Time, who was closest to the picnic basket. He checked.
“Just your half-eaten muffin,” he replied.
Lightning went over and popped it in her mouth.
“She’s pretty hungry today,” Derpy observed.
“Yeah, she uh… skipped breakfast,” I told her, leaving out the rest.
“Well that isn’t right,” Derpy declared as she walks over to Lightning. “Still hungry?” she asked, knowing the answer.
“Just a little,” Lightning says, realizing how much she’d eaten so far.
“If you want, we can head over to my house and bake some more muffins,” Derpy offers.
“Really?” Lightning asks, surprised by the offer. Derpy nods. “Sounds awesome, let’s do it!”
Realizing the situation could take a turn for the worse if those two were alone, I decide I need to go too. “Mind if I tag along?” I ask.
“Sure,” Derpy said. “I bet my daughter would love to meet the Sheriff of Tights-ingham.” I groaned loudly while Lightning laughed. Derpy turned to the fourth member of our party. “Time Turner, do you want to come too?”
“Sounds like fun,” he said with a light smile.
“All right, let’s go!” Lightning yelled, taking off.
“Wait Lightning, you don’t know were I live!” Derpy called out, flying after her.
I decided to walk after them alongside Time Turner. He looked at me and said, “You know, Derpy didn’t tell me she’d gotten a marefriend.”
“Marefriend?” I asked. “Oh, you mean Lightning. No, they’re not uh… dating.”
“Really?” Time Turner replied. “That’s not the impression I’ve been getting based on how Derpy’s acting around her.”
“Yeah,” I responded. “She’s just a little infatuated is all.”
“More than a little,” Time replied.
I’m silent for a moment. “Turner?” I asked. “Can you keep a secret?”
“Depends on what that secret is, Rider,” he replied.
“Lightning Dust isn’t gay,” I told him.
“What?” Turner asked, his pupils widening. “But Derpy said they met in a gay bar! If she was straight why would she be in one of those?”
“Long ass story, that’s why,” I replied. “But please don’t tell Derpy.”
“How can I not tell Derpy?” Turner asked. “She’s one of my best friends, and I can’t have her be led on like this.”
“She’s not being led on,” I justified. “You’ve got nothing to worry about." He gave me a look displaying absolutely no faith. "Look, Derpy will stay infatuated for a little while, realize dating Lightning won’t be in her best interest, and move on.”
Time Turner shook his head. “Uh-uh, I know Derpy, and that’s not how she works. She’s falling for her, Rider, and it won’t end well.”
I cringed inwardly. “Isn’t there a chance my plan will work?”
“Not a snowball’s in hell,” Turner said. “But for your sake and hers, I hope I’m wrong.”