//------------------------------// // 14 - The Origins Of The Captain Duck Pt. 1 // Story: But I AM Evil! // by TheNextGamer //------------------------------// So, you want to hear a story about a duck? About how this duck became a superhero that beats the shits out of bad guys on a regular basis? About how he came to be, and how he's related to the main character, Evil Lord Emperor Connery NotEvilGuy? About his adventures trying to stop the crimes and evil of his country? YOU WANT TO HEAR A STORY ABOUT THE ALL LEGENDARY DUCK?! THE DUCK?!?! THE AMAZING SUPER LEGENDARY CHOCOLATE FUDGE ROCKY ROAD SUPER MEGALICOUS PUDDING TOP DUCK WITH HIS FUCKING BADASS CAPE OF JUSTICE AND QUACKERY?! No? Well too bad, you're gonna read it anyway. Long long ago, back in 2095 Cluetopia, Sector 6. Childhood Park. It all started one day, when this super ass-kicking duck was just a little duckling, waddling around near the pond in a park, still small and powerless and non-sapient/sentient/whatever it is. The day started out mundane enough, with the birds tweeting and sun shining and seven homeless people sleeping on the benches, cold and hungry, abandoned by society and all of that jazz. There he was, with his many duckling siblings, all waddle-waddling around their beautiful white pekin mother. She was asleep, as well as many of the other duck families in the pond. "C'mon Miss Carol! I wanna see the pond!" "Yes, yes, calm down Alice, we'll be there soon." The noise from the nanny and little girl shook all the ducks awake in the pond. The sounds of honks and quacks filled the area, as the family of ducks all flew about. "Miss Carol, the ducks are up!" "Yes, I see that, deary. Just calm down, old age tends to weaken the knees a little." Childhood Park. A somewhat popular park that draws people in during mornings. According to the history books, it was named "Childhood Park" after Chuck Norris reincarnated as Chuck Norris II, and he proceeded to punch the shit out of the unspecified terrorists at this exact location. The punching of terrorists was so beautiful, it had somehow formed a beautiful pond that the rare white pekin ducks now reside in, which were direct descendants of the Aflac duck. Drink-specialists complain that if he had roundhouse kicked them instead, then the pond would have been made of pure wine. Over the years, not many people come visit the park anymore. So, since the newborn soon-to-be-ass-kicking-duck-of-justice was recently hatched, it was rare to see any giant colorful weird hairy things. Sir McAwesomeSauce Duckling stared curiously at the two humans, as they sat on the nearby bench. The old nanny took out a bag, and proceeded to throw out some bread crumbs. Families of ducks left the pond to feed on the delicious bread, as they shoved, pushed, and quacked their way for food. The Duckling of All Good was left behind in the pond, however, hesitant to charge into the hands of unfamiliar creatures. Meanwhile, the little girl, whose name is Alice, and is probably maybe indeed the mysterious girl Alice from Connery's mysterious past, smiled giddily at all the cute white and baby ducks. It’s rare for her to finally have the time to visit Childhood Park and its ducks, but going to see them once again had made her happy. Now, I COULD explain all about her home problems and the reason why she can't visit the pond often to watch her favorite animals flock about is because of her rich bitch mother who cares about money more than humanity and sees Alice as a means to get more famous and rich when she comes into age and never has time to actually play with her and be an actual mother, and she has to hire a nanny to take care of her daughter, who is more caring than her mother, also she hates anything that's not made of money, because everything is so fucking CLICHE AS ALL HELL PLOTS AND STORIES AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGH-- But since this chapter is all about The Courageous Duckling, I'll save that for part two. Mini-Alice sighed, "I wish we could visit the pond every day." "Oh, I know you want to dear, but you know how busy your self-centered twat-face cunt mother can be." Her nanny grunted, tossing another piece of bread onto the flock of ducks. "... Miss Carol, what does 'twat-face cunt' mean?" "You'll learn when you get older." Alice just rose an eyebrow, but didn't push any further on the topic. Alice continued to stare, and occasionally toss a piece of bread or two, at the flock of ducks, giggling at their adorable duck cuteness. The fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking God of Almighty Ducks of Fucking Awesomeness (I was running out of names) still stared from his little pond. He was always a bit different from the other ducklings. Always standing by and observing, rather than following the flock. Always looking at things, intensely, with his little beady duck eyes. The other ducks always made fun of how weird he is, which is weird itself, because ducks don't have the intelligence to be capable of making fun of something. This fucking universe is a mess, I swear to god, nothing makes sense. For Christ sake, we have a god damn scientist who can build robots with human emotions, then we have a god damn duck with super powers, and now we have a crazy mental asylum-escapee narrating the story for this chapter, oh god what the fuck- I'm getting off topic. Ahem. Alice noticed Big Five F-Words Duck after a while, noticing him far away from his family and instead, being all alone in the pond. She pointed this out to her nanny, "Miss Carol, why is that little duck swimming by itself, instead of being with its friends?" Her nanny looked towards the pond, fumbling with her glasses a bit to see better. "I'm not sure, deary. Maybe it might be scared of us?" She guessed. "Don't you think it might also be hungry?" Alice asked, concerned. "Oh, don't worry about that Alice. I'm sure it's already fed by its mother or something." Although her nanny went back to feeding the ducks, Alice was still concerned about the lone baby duck. She wondered if it was lonely, since no other duck was with it. She knew what it was like to be lonely. It's not a very fun feeling. "I'm gonna go give some bread to the ducky in the pond." She said suddenly, grabbing a loaf of bread, she sat up and walked to the pond. "Just be careful Alice. Don't do anything too rash, or the ducks might hurt you!" "I'll be careful!" Alice calmly walked towards the FFFFF duck (which is short for Fucking Fucking Fu- God I need more imagination to these names), being cautious not to make any movements that might be considered aggressive. The Duck of Pure Justice Blah Blah Long Nickname Blah just continued to look curious of the girl's actions. She crouched down, and spoke softly, "Hello little ducky. Why are you all alone?" Duck responded, in the most elegant, intellectual, ravishingly, luxurious, inter-dimensional, kawaii, and super meat boy tone, "Quack." Alice giggled, before she tore off a few crumbs of bread and set it between her and the duck. "Here. Do you want some bread?" The duck stared inquisitively at the strange brownish matter that she called 'bread', silently judging it, almost as if it was mocking him. Except, you know, it's not mocking him, 'cause it's bread. Bread can't mock at ducks. Bread is bread. Silly bread. "Don't be scared. It tastes good. Just try it?" Alice nudged the bread pieces closer to the duck. The duck continued to stare at the bread pieces, before finally he stepped out of the pond and ate a piece. He chewed slowly, (Can ducks chew? They don't have any teeth, as far as I'm aware, unless Daffy Duck and Donald Duck showed the accurate representation of the proper anatomy of ducks), unsure of the taste, but then gradually started to enjoy it. He kept on eating all of it, until he was done. Alice, trying to contain her giggles due to how adowable the widdle ducky is, tore out more pieces of bread- HEY. HEY! FUCKING SHIT, give me a minute. *stands up from seat and walks to window. Sees laughing children.* YOU LITTLE SHITS! STOP THROWING THINGS AT MY WINDOW! *Kids quickly run* WHAT EVEN IS THIS?! Is this... is this CHICKEN SHIT AND FEATHERS?! How the hell did you get chicken shit here! I didn't even know this place had any chicken! WHAT THE FUCK?! WHY WOULD YOU THROW THIS AT ME?! I SWEAR TO GOD, IF I HAD A BB GUN AND AN IMMUNITY TO LAW, YOU FUCKERS WOULD NOT HAVE ANY EYE COORDINATION TO THROW STUFF ANYMORE! ... BECAUSE I WOULD SHOOT YOUR EYES OUT. BITCH. *Walks back to computer, grumbling about spoiled brats.* -and she offered the duck with a handful of bread. The duck quickly went omnomnomn on all the bread in her hand. The sensation tickled her hand, which made her giggle a bit more. It was a very adorable sight. So adorable, your mother would probably record the moment and post it on Facebook, where she would type "Oh look, a girl feeding a duck! It's sooo CUUTE <3 <3" and then it would immediately get likes from your mother's friends and grandmothers. In fact, your grandmother would have died from diabetes if she saw the video. That's how freaking cute this scene is. So cute, that it just made your mother KILL your GRANDMOTHER. Feel bad. "You're so cute!~" Alice gushed over the duck as it ate the bread from her hand. She wished she could have a pet duck. If only her mother liked ducks, then maybe she could adopt one. Speaking of mothers, Alice heard her nanny's phone ring in the distance. "*Beep* Yes, hello? ... Oh, hello Mrs. Bellarose, how was the business meeting? ... I see... But, Mrs. Bellarose, she hasn't visited the park in a long while, and she just got here--...... *Sigh* I understand. I'll get her home. *Beep* Self-centered twat-face cunt." Her nanny stood up and called, "Alice, deary. That was your mother on the phone. She said that you had to go home for her 'Urgent mom-daughter make up time.'" "Is she happy or angry?" Alice asked. "She's angry..." "She always forces too much makeup on me whenever she's angry..." Alice groaned. "I know Alice. I'll do my best to clean it after she's done though." When Alice sighed and stood up to go home, the duck quacked at her. "Quack!" Alice turned her head to the duck, "Sorry ducky. I have to go home. I hope I get to see you again though! When I'm all grown up, I'll come visit everyday! Until then, good-bye." And with that, she and her nanny left. The duck watched as they walked farther and farther from the pond. The other ducks calmed down and went back in the pond, swimming contently, as everything was back to normal once more. But although she was gone, it was very unlikely that the duck would ever forget who that girl was, for years and years to come. Five minutes later, another person appeared in the park. His purple business suit, fancy hat and cane made him really stand out, as his colors clashed with the green and blue scenery. He breathed in the fresh air, "Ahh. Childhood park. Oh, the many times my pa took me here to watch the beautiful stars reflecting off the pond in the middle of the night. I remember the time where I met and kissed my first love in this very spot, sitting on this bench. The very same spot where I proposed to her, too." He reminisced. "Such wonderful, irreplaceable memories... WELP, too bad I'm gonna tear down this park so that I can build a factory! This spot is the perfect ideal place for it, and it'll probably get me THOUSANDS in profits! I don't even care that I don't know what kind of factory I'm building! I'm the mayor! I can do anything I want! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!" Well, that certainly was a mood whiplash if I've ever seen one. "Ugh, look at all of these disgusting ducks living here! How am I supposed to build a factory here with them in the way? Hmm.... Oh well, I'll just have to forcefully relocate them to somewhere else! Me doing this will somehow make me more rich than before! And if anyone tries to stop me with their 'peaceful protests' I can just call the police that violent terrorists are assaulting me, and they'll beat them up! I'm a mayor! I can do what I want! GO DEMOCRACY!" And then everything in the world turned white... The Cottage Near The Everfree Forest, Ponyville, Equestria Fluttershy has been taking care of this seemingly random duck that appeared out of nowhere in front of her Cottage. She doesn't know who he is, nor where he came from. She doesn't recognize the duck, as he wasn't one of her own, but he had a cape of some sort, with the initials of CD on it. She assumed that he must have belonged to somepony, and he must have gotten lost somehow? When she found the duck, he immediately fell unconscious. Worried, she quickly took him inside and did everything to make sure he was alright. Inspecting for scratches or cuts, making sure he was breathing correctly, and so on. She realized, however, that this duck was going to be ok, and she was relieved. He had been sleeping for a few hours now. No signs of him waking up soon. Once he wakes up, she'll give him a nice bath, some food to eat, maybe help him try to find his owner, and everything will be ok. Though... something felt odd. This duck was different from other ducks, as if it wasn't any normal duck. Whenever she touched his feathers, she felt an odd sensation of... unfamiliarity. Almost alien-like. He doesn't feel any different than other ducks, smooth and feathery, nice and fluffy. But her gut was telling her otherwise. Something is different about this duck, and she can't tell how or why. He looks like any other duck. He feels like any other duck. But something is different about this duck. "I wonder what though..." She whispers to herself. Spoilers to the audience, it's because Captain Duck is a super-powered duck of almighty justice in another alien universe and Fluttershy's magical animal caring talent can't detect him as an animal or something. Shame on you if you still didn't get that at this point. "Mm... quack?" The duck in question stirred awake, surprising the timid yellow pony. "Oh my! You're awake!" She scurried over to Captain Duck. As Captain Duck sat himself up, he quickly gathered his bearings and tried to remember what just happened. (POV DUCK MODE ON) Quack quack? Quack quack quack.... quack quack quack quack. Quack quack? Quack?! "Hello? Are you alright?" Quack quack. Quack quack quack? ...... Quack... quack quack.... (POV DUCK MODE OFF) OK, rough and paraphrased translation. "What a weird dream. Where am I? Holy crap, is that a horse? Did it just talk? What a strange predicament I am currently in. Drugs. Not even once." "Don't be scared. My name is Fluttershy. Are you hurt?" Fluttershy asked him. Captain Duck looked around, observing the place around him. It was odd. Fluttershy can't seem to see what he's feeling. Her talent was that she could understand any animal, but this duck seems to be a complete mystery to her. Captain Duck looked at her. Studying her, examining details about her shape, her mane, and her eyes. She could see some sort of... intelligence, in those small black eyes of his. He was definitely not any ordinary duck. "Quack?" he quacked. He was absolutely adorable. "You're different... somehow... I just know it. What are you?" Fluttershy asked the mysterious duck. He only tilted his head in response. Then suddenly Twilight busted open the door. *BAM* "FLUTTERSHY!" "EEEP!" "NO TIME TO EXPLAIN! ALIEN KIDNAPPED DERPY AND BUILT A COFFEE SHOP AND WE'RE GOING IN TO SAVE HER- Oh hey, that's a cute duck- LET'S GO!" *Telekinesis grab**Gallops away* "EEEEEEEEEEP!" ... ... ... Well that was abrupt. "Hm... Quack?" Captain Duck asked himself, narrowing his eyes in suspicion. Connery NotEvilGuy....... MEANWHILE "*ACHOO* Aaaggh." I am sick. This is me being sick. I do not like being sick. I want to take Sickness and punt its stupid little head off. "Fuckin' god damn. I have been sick for the past two months now! The agonizing pain and stuffy nose is just pure TORTURE! And the only fucker that can cure my ass is too busy playing Fallout New Vegas, instead of writing! FUUUUUCK!" "Uhm, sir? You've only been sick for two hours." "DON'T QUESTION MY SANITY! I DON'T HAVE ANY TO BEGIN WITH! *cough* two fucking months of being sick, and all he did was write a single chapter about a girl feeding a duck! It took two fucking months to do that! WHAT THE FUUUUCK. *ACHOO* DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU TO HELL!"