As Celestia finally meets her new date, many memories from past experiences passed through her mind as he played a piano in the middle of the restaurant they agreed to meet in.
*Do do do do do, do do…*
She’s dated skeletons before, namely one or two incarnations of death thus far.
*Do, do do do do do, do do…*
She’s (underhandedly) dated a pirate before… though, being stuck with the bill has never been so grandly achieved in all of history. As she thinks this, a violin—from seemingly out of nowhere—started to play beautifully in communion with the piano. But as she heard this magnificent tune, she realized that she’s never dated… well, an immortal rock star before.
And now she's dating all of these things at once in one package.
~Yohohoho! Yohohoho! Yohohoho! Yohohoho!~
~Yohohoho! Yohohoho! Yohohoho! Yohohoho!~
The skeleton started to sing continuously, and then the entire establishment burst into song. She had to admit that, although seeing a skeleton sing and play a piano reminded her of a cheesy horror movie, his singing voice absolutely mesmerized her. She had a thing for singing, much like most of her equine subjects.
He stopped his melodious tune and continued to play his piano (and violin?) while many of the ponies of the establishment swayed along to the beat. The fact that a living skeleton was playing the piano tantamount to some haunting completely passed over their minds, as if the music entranced them into a lovely, but common, burst of musical theater.
Celestia had to admit, she couldn’t stop herself from singing along with her date as he continued the song… even though this is the first time she’s ever heard the song in her life, she knew the words perfectly…
And so did her subjects, to the absolute letter…
Ponies are weird.
~Going to deliver Binks’ sake!~
~Following the sea breeze, riding on the waves!~
~Far across the salty deeps, the merry evening sun. Painting circles in the sky, birds singing along!~
~Farewell to the harbor, to my old hometown! Let’s all sing out with a DON, as the ship sets sail!~
~Waves of gold and silver dissolve to salty spray. As we set sail to the ends of the sea!~
The piano continued playing as the ponies in the restaurant were having the time of their lives. Dancing, drinking, laughing, and generally having fun.
A certain pink pony would turn green with envy.
The song continued, every pony in the establishment singing and dancing together, even though they’ve never heard the song in their lives. Celestia trotted towards the skeleton of the hour with a smile on her face as she saw her ponies singing tales of merry pirates. She even saw a couple ponies with sticks spreading out their nose and mouths, dancing upright on one leg, and even holding baskets in their hooves over tables. One of them was actually the head chef, as his hat wiggled and danced with him.
“I must say, you are quite the musician… Brook?” Celestia said to the piano playing pirate.
“Yohohoho… I still can’t believe these ponies know the song. It made my eyes bulge out of my head when I heard them singing along… even though I don’t have eyes! Yohohoho!”
Celestia playfully rolled her eyes at the obvious joke and sat down at the nearest table, watching the skeleton play his beautiful music. She took her time to see the dapper skeleton’s form.
Heart shaped sunglasses, a yellow feather boa, and a giant crown as a hat, along with orange-red floral print pants. He had the 'rock star' look down pat. On his back rested a dolphin shaped electric guitar and on the side of the piano stood his pink cane.
The music infested her mind as Celestia smiled and bobbed her head in tune with the song. She sang along as the last verse came along, heavily drunk with happiness as she waived her head dramatically.
~Going to deliver Binks’ sake!~
~Today, and tomorrow, our dreams through the night.~
~Waving our goodbyes, we’ll never meet again. But don’t look so down; for at night the moon will rise!~
~Going to deliver Binks’ sake!~
~Let’s all sing out with a DON, a song of the waves!~
~Doesn’t matter who you are, someday you’ll just be bones! Never-ending, ever-wandering, our funny traveling tale!~
The music started to die down as the last words were said, and Celestia finally got a hold of herself. Blushing as she got off her table and sat down in a regular seat. Taking some sticks out of her mouth and throwing a basket to the side.
Where did I even get those anyway? she wondered.
As soon as the music stopped, it felt like a switch flipped in the minds of all the ponies in the establishment. Several ponies scrambled to get in their seats, chefs and waiters ran back into the kitchen, sticks were spit out and ponies continued their day. Pretending nothing happened at all, which resulted in an awkward silence.
“Yohohoho! You ponies are a strange lot! Dancing and singing like merry men one second, now acting like nothing happened the next! Yohohoho! It hurts my sides just thinking about—oh wait! Yohohohoho!” Brook laughed powerfully as he stood up. Celestia had to crane her neck to see the extremely tall skeleton's head. He took his cane and walked towards the flustered alicorn and bowed. “Greetings! As you already know, my name is Brook. I will be your date this evening,” he said as he took the mare’s hoof and 'kissed' it with his completely exposed set of teeth.
His blue cravat tickling the bottom of her hoof slightly.
She blushed at the skeleton’s show of manners. Wow, he really knows how to treat a lady—
“Excuse me?” Brook asked the mare. Celestia was stirred out of her thoughts, so that she looked towards the skeleton man who recently sat down.
“Yes?” she asked with a smile, feeling like a school filly as she tittered.
“…Can I see your panties?” he asked with the utmost seriousness.
Celestia’s face turned from an embarrassed smile to a look of complete befuddlement. “Uh…” she mutted with confusion as she looked down. “I-I don’t have any…” The skeleton looked at her for a second before bursting into laughter.
“Yohohoho! I should’ve realized that before I asked! My apologies!” Brook laughed as he let go of her hoof. “So, tell me about yourself, my princess?” Book completely changed from boisterous laughter to complete seriousness in a split second. Celestia blinked several times in confusion.
Well… I’ve had weirder dates…
So she decided to go along with it. He was already leagues above the last pirate she dated. She told him many a tale of her life while he sat there dead quiet, adding in a comment here or there with a 'Yohohoho!' any chance he could.
Their story time was interrupted by a slightly embarrassed yet terrified waitress approaching them.
“G-good evening, princess and…” the mare looked at the skeleton, a little sweat forming on her face, “s-sir… w-would you like anything to drink?”
“Celestia?” Brook asked the solar mare, who looked at him from over the table.
“Yes?”
“If you’d like, I received some wine from my ship’s cook, would you like some?”
Celestia looked over to him in consideration, before giving him an accepting nod.
“Okay, if you have… any…”
“AAAAAAAH!” The waitress fainted as Brook opened his skull and retrieved an entire bottle of wine from his head cavity. Celestia stared wide-eyed as he also produced some very high quality wine glasses as well.
“Oh my, I think I might’ve startled her a tiny bit…” Brook said as he looked at the unconscious mare on the floor. Some of the patrons in the eatery, no longer intoxicated due to Brook’s music, finally realized that a living skeleton was in their presence.
To their credit, they took it better than usual. Only a third of the shop ran out screaming or fainted where they say. The others had either seen the other beings their princess tried to spark a romantic interest with, or they didn’t care.
One of the patrons screamed 'ghost' as she ran away.
“EHHHH! Ghost!?” Brook started to panic as he looked around the restaurant. “Where!?”
“Ummm, I think they’re referring to you, Brook,” Celestia said with a nervous smile. At least nothing exploded yet, that was enough for her.
He stopped panicking immediately and put his fist on his open palm in realization. “Oh, forgot about that! Yohohoho!”
How do you forget you’re a living skeleton!? Celestia thought in disbelief as she looked to the laughing skeleton.
“That almost made my heart jump out of my chest… if I had one! Yohohoho!”
Celestia wanted to face hoof at the sheer amount of cheese this skeleton was radiating, but this was at least the most… 'entertaining' date she’s ever been on.
The mare who fainted stumbled to her hooves and turned to the pair.
“S-so… nothing to drink?” she asked desperately, as if she wanted the answer to be 'no.'
“Actually,” Brook raised a bony finger, “I’ll have a glass of milk, please.”
“I-is that all?” The mare looked to her princess with a face that said 'please let me get out of here' in big bright neon letters. Celestia only shifted her head to the kitchen doors, and she booked it out of there.
She turned to Brook, who was pouring a glass of wine for the mare.
“Why did you want milk?” she asked the skeleton as he finished pouring her glass.
“Calcium,” he answered simply as he corked the bottle. At this she raised an eyebrow, which he caught.
“Oh, my cook specifically said that his wine is only for the lips of beautiful ladies, and if I had any he would 'kick my shitty ass.' Well, the joke’s on him, I don’t have one! Yohohoho!”
“Oh… I see… calcium?” She remembered his answer to her 'milk' question, and asked him about it.
“For the bones, of course!” Brook said as a different pony brought him a tall glass of milk. “Good bone health and healing!” he said before drinking the glass. Now his bones shined as if they were made of the most brilliant of diamonds. Celestia almost had to shield her eyes from the shine.
“You can heal just from drinking milk?” she asked in wonder of the shining skeleton. He nodded.
“But that’s not all! Look at this!” Brook stood up and walked to the nearest wall, Celestia followed Brook with her eyes.
“Ummm, what are you—" Her question was answered when the skeleton fell forward and put his head on the wall.
“Forty-degrees!” he said with a laugh as his body made a perfect forty-degree angle with the wall. She stared a while before laughing at Brook’s silly display. Some of the ponies laughed with her, others just stared in confusion.
“Well, that’s very impressive, Brook,” she said as he stood back up at full height and walked back to her table. “So, I’ve told you something about myself, what about you?” Celestia asked as he sat back down.
“Well, what do you want to know, my princess?” he asked.
“Oh please, you don’t have to call me that.” Celestia said with a giggle. Though, I don’t mind if you still do.
“Oh, it’s nothing but common courtesy. You are a ruler of a nation.” Brook again reached into his skull and… took out a perfectly hot cup of tea with its own plate out.
I’m not even going to question it.
“So?” he took a sip from his tea cup, “what do you want to know?”
The first thing that popped up in Celestia’s mind was that amazing song she heard at the beginning of the date. “What’s the story behind that wonderful song you sang?” she asked him.
He took another sip of the tea before staying silent for a couple seconds.
“That’s the song I died to,” he said simply.
At hearing this, Celestia’s ears drooped a little, “Oh…I’m sorry that—”
Brook laughed a “Yohohoho!” Celestia looked at him in confusion as he continued to cackle.
“I’m sorry, it’s just been so long since anyone’s asked me that. Well…”
Brook told her of the day the Rumbar Pirates met their end, happily singing while mortally poisoned and critically wounded. He had to watch all of his friends die before he did, and Celestia was amazed that the happy-go-lucky skeleton that sat before her was just that, and not a brooding… well, 'bag of bones' would be the best term.
“Wow I…I’m sorry that happened…but, how’re you alive?” she asked the skeleton as he took yet another sip of tea.
“Well, in our world there are special fruits that grant powers. Mine granted me the ability to revive after dying once, but… there was so much fog where I died that when I finally found my body… It was all bones! Yohohoho!”
“Wow…s o, what happened after you found your body?” Celestia asked.
“Well, I waited for about… fifty years alone on my former pirate ship before I was found by my current crew…”
“You… were alone for fifty years?” she asked.
“Yeah, but it wasn’t that bad. The wait was worth it. I got to meet my second crew, and they’re just so fun to be with! Yohohoho!”
Celestia giggled with her date and finally took a sip from her wine… “My goodness! This wine is amazing!” Celestia stated. This had to be the best wine she's ever had in her life, and that was saying something.
She had her anxiety over dating another pirate, much less another undead person. But this date had been one of the best she’s ever been on. Good music, good company, and good drinks? She had no doubt in her mind that this date would go perfectly.
Discord and Fluttershy were having their weekly tea party. Fluttershy happily recounted her day over a cup of chai as Discord listened and ate a cucumber sandwich.
“And then Angel didn’t complain about his food today at all!” Fluttershy happily stated after a sip of her cup. Discord listened intently, chewing on his sandwich.
“That’s amazing, Fluttershy, I—“ Discord stopped when he felt something powerful emanate from the direction of Canterlot…
My Murphy Senses are tingling….
“Is… something wrong Discord?” Fluttershy asked, looking at the reformed chaos god in concern. He looked towards Fluttershy and smiled.
“Oh, nothing at all Fluttershy… nothing at all.”
Something in the pit of her stomach told Celestia that thinking that thought wasn’t the best idea.
“Is something wrong, Celestia?” Brook asked. She looked at the skeleton and shook her head.
“Oh, it’s nothing, now. Could you tell me about your cre—“
A scream from outside of the restaurant sounded, cutting Celestia off from her sentence. A random pony burst into the establishment in a panic.
“Everypony! Get out of the restaurant! There’s a… a…”
“A what?” a random pony asked from the stands, most of the ponies having already stood up and started moving towards the exit in precaution.
“A… there’s a giant ship heading for the—“
Before the pony could finish his statement, a giant ship blasted through a wall of the restaurant.
No…
Celestia watched in slow motion as a giant lion head burst through the wall, destroying half of the restaurant in one go. On the head of the lion sat a smiling young man wearing a straw hat, red open vest, blue shorts, and a yellow cloth hanging from his waist.
“BROOOOOOOK!” the young, explosive man shouted happily. Others were on the ship as well, hanging on for dear life as the ship finally stopped in the middle of the building.
“Well, Celestia, this is my crew!” Brook pointed to them happily, Celestia’s viewable eye twitched. “I told you they were fun! Yohohohoho!”
“LUFFY!” a bikini top clad woman yelled before she punched this 'Luffy' on the top of the head, a giant lump formed on his skull. “Didn’t I tell you to not to blast us into the island!”
“Owww… sorry.”
The punishment didn’t stop there as a blond haired, swirly-eyed browed man kicked Luffy in the same spot the woman punched him. “You shitty bastard! What If Robin or Nami got hurt because of your stunt!” he yelled. A second lump forming on top of the first.
“Sorry…”
And again, a giant, muscular… reindeer smashed his heavy fist in the exact same spot the other two people hit him. “You bastard! You better not do that again, or I’ll kill you, you hear me!?” the reindeer shouted, and yet another lump formed on Luffy’s head.
“Sorry…”
Not even three hits weren’t enough as a green haired, one eyed man punched him on the exact same spot. “You’re lucky I don’t cut you up, bastard!” he yelled, a tower of four lumps now stood tall on Luffy’s head.
“Sorry...”
And last but not least, an extremely long-nosed, somewhat muscular man wearing a beige hat and suspenders hit him as well... in the same spot as the others. “What part of the word 'mortality' don’t you understand, Luffy!?” he shouted. A record of five lumps were now sitting atop Luffy’s head.
“Sorry…but how else were we going to get away from the navy?”
The what!? Equestria doesn’t have a navy! At least not with our military budget... Celestia thought in panic as ponies were screaming their lungs off in the background. Shouting about meteors, laser beams, robots shooting laser beams with bear hats, collapsing buildings, and magma. Her eyes continued to twitch as she saw her date’s crew beat the living crap out of this 'Luffy' character.
“Hi guys!” Brook said with a “Yohohoho!” added in as he pointed his hand out to Celestia. “This is my date! Isn’t she beautiful? Yohohohoho!”
The blond man looked over to Celestia…
And his angry face completely changed as a giant heart replaced his only visible eye.
“Hellooo, beautiful!” he yelled as he blew kisses and waived towards Celestia, while her eye continued twitching.
“Oi, calm down, Mr.7,” the green haired man said. 'Mr.7’s' face turned back to its previously angry form and turned towards the one-eyed man.
“Who you calling Mr.7, shitty swordsman?” he said in confrontation while challenging him face to face, sparks going between both of their eyes as they glared angrily at each other.
Luffy got out of his smoldering crater no worse for wear and stared at Celestia with stars in his eyes.
“AWESOME!” he yelled. The giant reindeer reverted into a smaller, much cuter form and mimicked the man in his awe, the long nosed man in suspenders also praised Celestia on her 'awesomeness.'
“So, that’s the princess of this land huh...” the bikini clad woman said with a strange adaptation of a dollar sign replacing her eyes. The green haired one eye looked at her in disinterest and sat down near the wall of their ship and started sleeping. The blond haired man continued to compliment her while wearing a very perverted look on his face.
“We’re lucky we didn’t splatter on the side of the mountain,” a black haired woman said simply, getting a stare from the long nosed man.
“Why do you always have to be so negative?” he asked.
Brook turned his attention to Celestia and laughed. “Sorry I have to cut this date short, but we kinda gotta get away. That alright with you?”
Celestia only twitched as she almost reached her breaking point.
“Oi, mystery pony!” the man named Luffy yelled before running towards her. He gave her the brightest smile she ever witnessed and laughed. “We got to get away from the navy, but…
“Do you wanna join my crew?”
She snapped.
The bikini clad woman looked at him in anger. “Idiot! She’s the princess of a nation, of course she wouldn—“
“I wonder how my sister’s date is going?” Luna asked as she looked into her moon from a bean bag chair. There wasn’t any of the usual phone calls to pick her up, or for medical help, or any other indication that her sister’s date went horribly wrong.
Knock, knock.
She looked over to her door. “Is that you sister?” she asked.
“No, Princess, I have an urgent letter from Princess Celestia for you,” a masculine voice said from behind the door.
That’s strange...
Luna got off her bean bag chair and walked towards the door. When she opened it, a guard gave her the note. Luna opened the note and read it in her mind. It wasn’t long, just one sentence and a signature.
Bored of the dating scene, became a pirate.
YOLFO
-Celestia
Oh, okay. Luna closed the letter and sat back down on her bean bag chair. She opened a Mountain Dew and began to drink it…
…
Luna spit all of the Mountain Dew, ruining her bean bag chair as she finally got hit with the letter’s contents.
“WHAT!?” she screamed.
“Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuper!” a voice from outside screamed. Luna looked to her moon to see the shadow of a… flying ship being chased by lasers, meteors, magma, and more lasers.
Then she saw it, clear as day... the shadow of a man wearing a straw hat happily riding on the back of her sister.
“Adventure!” he screamed. The back of the ship started to collect a brilliant light… and in a blast of energy, they were gone.
“And Princess,” the guard said to gain her attention, “reports of a volcano erupting, a robot apocalypse, and many lasers destroying Canterlot have been reported.”
“…”
“Princess?” the guard asked as he looked onto her petrified face…
Luna teleported outside and flew towards the ship in desperation.
“Wait for me!”