For about the next hour and a half after Screwball had left, the sounds of Dan puking his brains out in the bathroom drowned out any other sound in the library. Spike occasionally went to the bathroom door and asked Dan how he was holding up, only to be answered each time with how Screwball would receive her “Divine Punishment” for befouling his stomach.
It was around that last half hour that there was a knock on the door, to which Fluffle Puff zoomed across the floor and answered it. On the other side of said door awaited none other than the owner of the library, Princess Twilight Sparkle.
Fluffle Puff gave one of her gasps of pure happiness and hugged the purple alicorn with all her might.
“Hehe. Nice to see you too Fluffle Puff.” Twilight said with a chuckle. Twilight then spotted Spike and Chrysalis coming down the stairs, and almost immediately questioned the exhausted look on Spike’s face, and the still-chuckling face on Chryssi’s.
“Oh thank Celestia you’re back Twilight. Things have been INSANE around here!” Spike exclaimed.
Thinking about the many ways a group such as this could get into trouble, Twilight almost instantly became concerned.
“Uggh. I can’t leave any of you alone for more than a day can I?...Alright, what happened?” Twilight asked.
Twilight was answered when she heard the bathroom door slam open upstairs and saw Dan stomping his way down. Twilight took one look at Dan’s infuriated face and could tell Dan had had another one of his episodes.
“Well look who it is! Ms. ‘I don’t care about Dan’s problems enough to pick up the phone!” Dan yelled.
Twilight facehoofed. If this had come from anypony else, she probably would have been offended. But seeing as it was coming from Dan, she knew he didn’t have too much respect for anypony else.
“Dan, I was on important royal business in Canterlot. I can’t just drop everything and come back to take part in one of your irrational revenge schemes.” Twilight said with annoyed, but calm tone in her voice.
Dan angrily sulked and crossed his arms.
“Well I hope you’re happy! Because while you were gone, I was almost subjected to ‘death by milk!’” Dan said.
“…What?”
“Hehehehe. You missed quite a lot Twilight. Screwball came by and practically murdered Dan’s stomach! It was quite a sight!” Chrysalis laughed, which only seemed to wear even more on Dan’s nerves.
“It isn’t the least bit funny! I have been wronged, and I WILL have retribution!” Dan screamed.
Every possible way Twilight thought this scenario could play out ended in disaster. An incredibly annoying mega-troll…no, THE incredibly annoying mega troll has gotten to the biggest anti-troll to exist, and this would no doubt end with Dan going overboard.
Dan slowly scratched the facial hair on his chin in deep thought.
“So, first thing that comes to mind is to hit where that evil concoction of hell lives, and burn it to the ground.” Dan said.
“Fluttershy’s cottage.” Chrysalis said without a moment’s hesitation.
Both Twilight and Spike almost immediately tensed up and glared daggers at the Changeling Queen.
“DON’T TELL HIM THAT!” They yelled at the same time, to which Chrysalis gave only a slight chuckle.
After hearing the location of his newfound nemesis, an evil grin spread across Dan’s features and he mischievously rubbed his hands together.
“Fantastic. I’ve been itching to break out the old lighter lately, so what better a time than now?” Dan snickered.
Twilight trotted closer to the human and looked him right in the face with a look that a parent would give a child after they screwed something up.
“Dan. NO. You are NOT burning down Fluttershy’s home.” She said sternly.
“But, my lighter!” Dan said in a whining tone of voice.
“Look, not only would you be leaving practically all of Ponyville’s animal population homeless, but I also don’t think Fluttershy needs another reason to be angry at you right now.” Spike chimed in.
Dan all of a sudden grew quite an angry/offended face.
“What?! What’d I do?!” Dan screamed.
Everypony in the room (save for Fluffle Puff) deadpanned at Dan’s unawareness of the disaster that had taken place in the past week.
“Last week. The Breezie migration. Somepony stepped on your toe and you yelled so loud it made all the Breezies pass out. You seriously don’t remember that?” Twilight asked.
“Of course I remember that! Fluttershy just needs to learn to let things like that go.” Dan grumbled in irritation.
Nopony in the room could believe what just came out of Dan’s mouth. Never have such hypocritical words of this magnitude been spoken.
“Well if any of you have a better idea, then I’d certainly love to hear it.” Dan said in a voice that nopony could quite label as genuine, sarcastic, or angry.
Fluffle Puff was the only one to respond as she raised her hoof and let out one of her signature “Pffffbt!”
“…Except for that. I can’t believe you just suggested that you psycho.” Dan said to the Fluffy Pony.
Dan proceeded to turn his back to everypony in the room, and kept his thoughts to himself for a moment.
“…Okay, so it’s clear to me that you four are INCREDIBLY disappointing and not going to be of any real help to me, so it looks like I’ll need to employ some-“ Dan cleared his throat.
“-’Outside help.’ Someone that can think the thoughts of a psychopath. Someone that knows insanity better than anyone else in this god-forsaken, coloring book of a world. Someone that single-handedly destroys the very fabric of reality every time she opens her mouth to speak!” Dan said, overdramatically describing this particular pony.
“…Pinkie Pie?” Chrysalis asked with an unsurprised expression.
“Pinkie Pie.” He confirmed.
Screwball casually laid down on her bed in Fluttershy’s cottage. Since Discord had moved in with Fluttershy, he only saw fit that she stay with her as well. Fluttershy was okay with it for the most part, but Screwball could sort of see that dealing with TWO incredibly powerful creatures of Chaos could get to her a little, which Screwball felt bad about sometimes. If there was one pony Screwball DIDN’T want to annoy, it was Fluttershy. First of all, you don’t EVER want to annoy the pony that’s basically your landlord. Second, for reasons she couldn’t fathom, she kinda liked Fluttershy. Besides her dad, Fluttershy had been the only one to tolerate her chaotic behavior, and treated her with actual, genuine, honest-to-Celestia kindness, which Screwball greatly appreciated.
Of course, that didn’t mean she couldn’t mess with Angel sometimes.
The door to Screwball’s room slowly opened, creaking slightly as it did so, and Fluttershy trotted into the room, with an angry-looking Angel Bunny standing by her side with his little arms crossed in an irritated fashion.
“Umm, Screwball? Angel was telling me…Screwball, why is your bed upside down?” Fluttershy asked, looking up at Screwball, who was indeed laying on her bed like any normal pony would…
If it weren’t for the fact that Screwball’s bed was on the ceiling.
Screwball looked up (or down rather) from her position on her bed.
“The real question Ms. Fluttershy should be, is why are YOU right side up?” Screwball said with a smile.
Fluttershy normally knew better than to question the antics of Discord, but Screwball seemed to be just as irrational. Having the mind of a child, along with her chaotic ability, she proved to be what most would call, “Everything that’s wrong with Equestria”, but Fluttershy could see that she was only trying to be like her dad and express her creativity through her Chaos.
Even if sometimes she used her powers for less than honorable means.
“…Aaaanyway, Angel tells me that you took his carrots. Is that true?” Fluttershy asked. Angel still glared daggers at the purple filly on the ceiling. Ever since she and Discord had moved in, Angel had not gotten used to either of them. And it probably wasn’t going to get any better if Screwball kept kicking his butt at Appleosa Hold em’.
In retrospect, maybe betting his lunch in a poker game against somepony that was known for being a lying, cheating little hellspawn wasn’t such a good idea.
Screwball shot Angel a look that communicated something along the lines of “Woooow, you are such a sore loser” and then turned her attention back to Fluttershy.
“Hey, first rule of poker is to not bet something you don’t want to lose.” Screwball objected.
Fluttershy narrowed her eyes, and she started to put on a rather stern face.
“Screwball…” she said with a little anger in her voice.
Screwball took one look at Fluttershy’s face, and could tell she was getting on her nerves. She began to survey the situation. On one hoof she didn’t want to give Angel the satisfaction of seeing her being scolded, but she also didn’t like when Fluttershy was mad at her.
“Mmph…fine. I prefer cotton candy anyway.” Screwball grumbled. She then put one hoof to her left nostril on her nose and blew. A large bushel of carrots shot out of her other nostril and into her hooves. Screwball tossed the carrots to Angel, who thanked her by sticking his tongue out.
Screwball couldn’t just let a rabbit one-up her like that, so she opened her mouth, and a tiny version of herself appeared inside and angrily blew a raspberry at the bunny.
“Oooh, can’t you two ever stop fighting? If you’re staying here Screwball, you and Angel are going to have to get along at some point.” Fluttershy said.
“Pfft. Yeah sure. The day that happens is the day Fluffle Puff goes emo.” Screwball grumbled.
Angel was on the verge of chucking a carrot at Screwball’s head before he was stopped by Fluttershy’s hoof.
“Oh, sometimes I just don’t know what I’m going to do with you two.” Fluttershy said.