//------------------------------// // At The Threshold // Story: Lightning's Bolt // by PaulAsaran //------------------------------// Lightning was in her kitchen, reading the evaluation again. She hadn’t meant to, it just happened. Her breathing was slow, her heart was heavy, her mind shifted over the possibilities. Her eyes skimmed past much of the content and locked onto the important bits. Serious reservations. Those two words always seemed to glare at her. Chewing her lip, Lightning looked for the good parts. Shows great eagerness. A willingness to improve. Has earned the foal’s trust. That one in particular always made her smile. Provides for education and caring. The big one: Genuinely concerned for foal’s well-being and happiness. Out of all the statements, that was the one she was most proud of. Yet no matter how much Lightning tried, she couldn’t keep her eyes from flitting back over the bad. Serious reservations. Short-tempered. Poor planning skills. History of irresponsibility. That one always made her stomach churn. History of disrespect. No parenting experience. Serious reservations. Why did she keep looking at that one? Poor time-management. Maturity suspect. Integrity dubious at best. This one in particular felt like a punch in the gut. There was one part at the bottom, an entire paragraph that left her feeling particularly empty. The child shows great hesitation towards the idea of adoption. She doubts the adopter’s sincerity and willingness. The adopter’s brusque nature, irresponsible actions and questionable honesty has lead the child to question her capacity as a parent, a position the counselors share. The adopter has shown what we believe to be a real desire to adopt and the child has admitted to trusting her, but the sheer number of red flags forces us to question the adopter’s capacity as a potential parent. We hope, for the sake of both the child and the adopter, that the rest of the interviews show great improvement. Not good. Not good at all. Lightning leaned heavily against the table and buried her head in her hooves. The paper crinkled against her forehead. Here she was trying to do the right thing and she might just lose her precious filly over it. She’d thought her own interview had gone so well. What did Keen say about her? Was she really doing that bad a job? “Lightning?” She jumped with a quiet gasp. She rubbed her face to dispel the barely-started tears and turned to Keen, who stood at the hallway door with her head low. “Hey there, Little Bolt.” Lightning imagined her forced smile was painfully obvious. Keen shifted from hoof to hoof, her eyes peeking out from behind strands of white mane. “Do we have to talk to those ponies again?” Lightning heaved a deep sigh. “Yeah… in a couple days.” Keen sat and turned her face away so that it was completely obscured by her mane. “Um… what’s going to happen if they say no?” Lightning’s heart leapt into her throat. She turned away to hide her distraught face. “You’ll probably end up in a foster home or another orphanage.” She heard the filly gasp. “B-but I don’t want to.” “I know.” Lightning sagged and fought down the butterflies in her stomach. “I don’t want you to go, either.” In the quiet dark, Keen’s hoofsteps sounded loud on the wood. She sat beside Lightning and peered up at her; it was all Lightning could do to meet her gaze. “What do I have to say?” There it was, that knife in the gut. Lightning shook her head. “No, Keen. We have to tell the truth.” Keen shivered and closed her eyes. Her lip began to tremble. “B-but… but I don’t want to go to an orphanage…” Lightning reached down to rub the filly’s cheek. “Don’t lie, Keen. I think that’ll only make it worse.” Keen opened one eye to study Lightning’s hoof. She didn’t press against it, and Lightning slowly retracted her leg. She felt so… helpless. Keen’s face was so indescribably sad. “What if telling the truth doesn’t help?” Lightning felt a small surge of hope in her heart. “Keen… do you want to stay with me?” The filly turned her head away. For a long time she remained silent, her body still save for her slow breathing. “I don’t know, but I don’t want to go to an orphanage.” Lightning could swear she heard the clunk of her heart hitting the bottom of her hooves. It took everything she had not to tear up, and she still turned away just in case. The lesser of two evils? The second-best option? Was that all she was? Keen tried to say something, but her words came out wrong. Lightning glanced out the corner of her eye and saw the filly fidgeting and staring at her hooves. “Can we… can we go home?” Lightning sniffed and peered at their surroundings; the unadorned walls, the cheap furniture, the plain wood floor. “I m-mean…” Keen hid behind her mane again, a hoof running circles on the floor. “F-Foal Mountains. I want to go home to see mom and dad.” That blade was twisting in Lightning’s chest. She tried not to think too hard on Keen’s reasons; who didn’t want to visit their parents’ graves every now and then? Espeically at times like these. Lightning wanted to say yes, but under the circumstances… “Sorry, kiddo.” She tried to offer a smile. “If we did that we’d never make our next appointment. Maybe after, okay?” Keen’s head lowered, her shoulders shook. “But I want to go now. It’s… important.” “I know it is.” Lightning prayed it was for the right reasons. “We just… we can’t go now, Keen. I’m sorry.” Keen glanced at her, just a fleeting glimpse out of the corner of her eye, but what Lightning saw made her blood run cold: anger. Clear, unfiltered and precisely aimed. “Keen?” “I’m going to bed.” The filly started back for the hall. An intense worry filled Lightning, though she wasn’t even sure why. She started to stand. “Alright, let’s—” “I wanna sleep on my own.” Lightning paused, half standing, and dropped back to her haunches. She raised a feeble hoof after the filly, her chest tight and her stomach churning. “B-but… don’t you want me to—” “I can handle it.” Lightning watched her disappear around the corner, mind numb. After a while she let her hoof fall to the floor. Maybe she should have agreed. Maybe she should have sent a letter to the agency in Canterlot asking for a later appointment. But wouldn’t that look bad? She turned back to the wrinkled letter on the table. Her eyes roamed its contents yet again. Serious reservations. Tears welled in Lightning’s eyes as she let her head slowly drop to the table’s surface. What was she going to do? Lightning let out a low groan and covered her eyes against the sun’s glare. Her body was like a lead weight, and any movement at all was ill-advised. She peered at the window; who in the name of Celestia thought it was a good idea to set a window facing east? Of course, she could have had the couch facing the opposite direction… She covered her face again. Her sleep had been terrible; she just couldn’t stop thinking about the future. Tossing and turning, worrying, wishing somepony would show up and tell her exactly what she needed to do to make it right. Now more than ever, she truly regretted being such an isolationist. And to think, she was usually an exemplary morning pony. No matter how tired she was, Lightning knew she couldn’t stay on the couch. She’d already taken a day off to spend with Keen and another to go to the adoption center. She simply couldn’t afford not to go to work three days in a row. So, with another groan and a stretch of her legs, Lightning conjured up the willpower to roll off the couch. She slipped and almost toppled, but her hooves found their place and she managed to stand properly. She made her slouching way to the refrigerator, her hooves fumbling to open the milk jug. She glanced back to make sure Keen wasn’t around to witness her nefarious deed before chugging the liquid straight from the container. The chill knocked her a little more into awareness. She closed the jug and set it to the table, then made her way to the cabinets to pull out two bowls and some cereal. Funny, didn’t she have a couple more breadloaves than that? No matter. Once the bowls and cereal box were set on the table, she glanced at the clock and let out a small curse; they were going to be late to Fluttershy’s. Well, nothing for it now. Lightning hated being in a rush in the morning. She just hoped her wing-ponies wouldn’t mind. Her ears perked as she turned her head about. Not a sound in the quiet house. Keen would be awake by now, probably wondering why Lightning wasn’t up yet. With this in mind, she trudged for the hallway. She noted the door to Keen’s room was open, but that was nothing new; since Keen had grown so much better at magic, she no longer needed help getting through closed doors. “Morning, Little Bolt.” She stepped into Keen’s room and found the bed made and empty. Curious. She glanced around the room, her eyes stopping only for a moment at the open window. Keen was nowhere to be seen. Lightning stepped out of the room and glanced towards the bathroom at the end of the hall. The door was closed. She moved in close and lifted her ear towards the door. “Keen, you in there?” No response. After a few seconds, she knocked. Nothing. She pushed her way in to find the room empty. “Where are you hiding?” Lightning found herself smiling; was this some kind of hide-and-seek? They really didn’t have time for this, but Lightning decided not to let it bother her. She scoured the bathroom and found nothing, then went to the extra room. It was the only room in the house without furniture, and Lightning had intended to make it her own bedroom once she’d saved up enough for a bed for herself. No furniture meant no hiding places; Keen wasn’t here, either. Lightning ventured back to the kitchen and dining room, opening cabinet doors and other simple hiding places. By the time she’d looked the place over twice her smile had faded. She stood in the middle of the room, her head swiveling about as if she might spot the filly in the open. “Keen, where are you?” She perked her ears. She stared at the empty house, which suddenly really did feel… empty. Lightning's ears lowered. Her heart beat a little faster. “Keen?” She went back to Keen’s room at a trot. She peered in the closet, under the bed, everywhere. Her filly was nowhere to be found. That was when she noticed that Keen’s saddle was missing. Lightning closed her eyes, her breath coming in slow gasps. She recalled how upset Keen had seemed last night, and the missing bread, and… Her eyes locked on the window. It was open. Lightning went to it, stuck her head out. Her gaze swept across the scene; Sweet Apple Acres, the neighbors’ house, the fields. She looked down. It wasn’t that big of a jump. “Oh, sweet merciful Goddess, tell me she didn’t.” Lightning’s back legs gave way. She fell to her haunches, gasping for air and staring out the window. Keen was gone. She…. she was gone. “K-Keen?” She bowed her head, not daring to look around. “Please, if you’re here, c-come out. Please…” Silence. Cold, terrible silence. How could this have happened? She was turning a new leaf, Lightning knew it. She’d been trying so hard to make everything up to Keen these past couple days. Was it too little, too late? If she couldn’t find her… if the social workers learned about this… A fresh terror shot through Lightning like a jolt of electricity, and before she could even think about it she was flying out the window and into the open air. Her mind centered on one simple fact: she had to get Keen back. She knew exactly where to go first. It was Keen’s favorite place in all of Ponyville. It took her only a few seconds to clear the town. Her scar burned in protest, but Lightning ignored it; not even her wings mattered to her. She landed at the cottage door and pounded on it with both hooves, praying that her guess was right. “Fluttershy! Open up, please!” The door started to open and Lightning wasted no time pushing her way in. She landed in the center of the main room and spun about, her eyes frantically searching every nook and cranny. “Keen? Oh, please tell me you’re here!” Fluttershy had been knocked against the wall by Lightning’s abrupt arrival and was now staring with wide eyes at her visitor. After a few seconds she recovered and moved a little closer. “Lightning? What’s going—” Lightning grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her. “Keen’s here, right? She came by here, didn’t she? Tell me Keen’s here!” “C-calm dow-wn…” Fluttershy’s words skipped with the shaking, her mane flapping back and forth with her head. “I can’t calm down!” Lightning launched and began to search every possible hiding place she could, not caring for decency. “Come on, Keen, talk to me. W-we can work this out, I promise!” “Lightning, please.” Fluttershy tried to fly up and intercept her, but Lightning was too frantic. “Where is she?” Lightning darted through the kitchen, into a few side rooms, came back in a blur. She flew a small circle, her side screaming in protest but her mind unable to process the pain. “She’s got to be here. Keen, please!” She paused before the stairwell, her eyes following the steps up. “Keen, I’m—” She started to fly up, but suddenly Fluttershy was in her face. Before Lightning could even think to shove her out of the way, she found her heart practically stopping. Her eyes went wide, her breath caught in her throat, her hooves shook. Fluttershy seemed to be staring directly into her soul. Lightning felt impossibly small, like she was nothing more than a bug before this… this presence. Lightning knew what fear was. This wasn’t it… but it made her feel terrible, nonetheless. She hit the floor with a thud, gasping for breath and covering her face as the strange spell ended. She was suddenly terribly aware of the panic and terror that had filled her very being mere seconds ago. “Now.” Fluttershy landed before her, her expression soft and full of concern. “What’s going on?” Lightning looked up at her with wide eyes. “You… how did you—” “Lightning.” Fluttershy’s words were surprisingly sharp. “What happened?” The fear came back in a flash. “Keen’s gone!” Lightning tried to stand, but couldn’t. It was like all the energy had left her. “She’s… she ran away…” Fluttershy set both hooves to her lips, her eyes widening. “Oh my goodness, really?” Lightning bowed her head and sobbed. “I thought she might come here because she… because she likes you more than me. I was trying to get better, I really was. I don’t want to lose her, Fluttershy. Please, if you know where she is, tell me!” Fluttershy’s moved in close and nuzzled her. Lightning had no pride left to resist such tenderness; she pressed back and let the tears flow. “I w-want her back. My precious Little B-Bolt…” “It’s okay.” Fluttershy held her close. Her wings wrapped about the trembling pony. “We’ll find her, Lightning. We’ll start a search. She can’t have gone far.” “I know I bucked up the first few months…” Lightning buried her face in Fluttershy’s shoulder. “I tried so hard. I th-thought I’d finally figured things out. I know what I want to do. Am I too late? Does she h-hate me? I have to find her. I… I’m scared, Fluttershy…” “You’re okay, Lightning,” Fluttershy cooed, rubbing Lightning’s back tenderly. “I’m sure Keen’s scared too. If you just sit down and talk to her, I’m sure she’ll come around.” “I’ll do it.” Lightning leaned back to rub her cheeks and nod emphatically. “I’ll t-talk. I’ll tell her whatever she wants to know. Nothing else m-matters, I have to get her back.” Fluttershy’s smile was soothing. “And we will, I promise. Now think, Lightning: do you have any idea where Keen might have gone?” Lightning bowed her head. Her eyes fell upon the small stain her tears were making on the floor. “I… I dunno. She got mad last night. She’s been mad a lot lately. What did I do? What did I say?” Fluttershy’s voice was ever-calm. “That’s okay. We’ll find her. Come on, we’ll go into town and summon some ponies to help us search.” “B-but what if it’s too late?” Lightning covered her face with a sob. “W-what if she got lost? What if she… Goddess, what all is out there? She… she could be timberwolf food by now!” Fluttershy patted her on the shoulder with an encouraging smile. “I think Keen’s smart enough to know better than to go near the Everfree Forest where they live, Lightning.” She wrapped a hoof around her and began guiding her for the door. “Come on, let’s go. Everything will be okay. Keen will be found before you know it.” “But what if she doesn’t want to be back?” Lightning couldn’t stop shaking. “What if she doesn’t want to live with me anymore? I… I know I’m not much of a parent, but… but…” Parents. “Calm down. It’s okay to be—” “Her parents.” They paused at the door, Fluttershy giving her a questioning look. “Her parents?” Lightning’s eyes locked on the path outside, her mind slowly piecing things together. “That’s what set her off last night. She wanted to see her parents. I bet she’s headed for Foal Mountains.” Fluttershy smiled and nodded. “Good, that’s very good. Then we’ll start searching to the northeast.” Lightning stepped out, escaping Fluttershy’s hold. She turned back to her with head low. “I’m going to go on ahead, okay?” “By all means.” Fluttershy nodded. “I’ll get the others together. Don’t worry, Lightning. You and Keen both have friends. We’ll help you in any way we can.” Friends? No time to think on that. “Th-thanks, Fluttershy. Really. I… I have to go.” “Good luck.” Lightning flew through the cold sky, her heart pounding and her wings pumping. She would find her kid, and when she did she’d do whatever it took to regain Keen’s faith. She didn’t care what she had to sacrifice. Nothing mattered. Nothing but Keen. Keen knew she had to stay close to the road. She knew getting lost would be a terrible thing. But she also knew that Lightning might fly over the path; at least if she stayed in the woods she was less likely to be seen. So Keen kept under the canopy and always watched to make sure the road was close by. She knew Foal Mountains was a long ways from Ponyville, especially for her little legs. She knew her two loaves of bread probably wouldn’t be enough to get there and back. At the time she’d made the decision, she’d been too upset to care. Now, many hours and a brief nap later, she was starting to rethink her plan. Going back was not a welcome idea. She refused to think about it, stubbornly putting one leg in front of the other. She would go home, she would visit her parents, she would clear her head. That was what she needed, to get rid of all her confusion and anger and sadness. Maybe, if she sat with them for a little while, things would start to make sense. Lightning would never let her go, Keen understood that. Lightning hated Foal Mountains; perhaps she was even scared of the place. That was why Keen had to make this journey alone, why she was determined not to be found. She just wished she’d been better prepared for the trip. Even so, she had to go. If she went back now Lightning might not let her out of her sight again. Keen didn’t understand why it was so important to her, but somehow she just knew that if she went home she would figure things out. She was so confused, and lots of times she found herself growing angry for no reason. She was so tired of everything Lightning; the self-deception, the lying, the hesitation, the fear, the anger. Just being away from her for a little while was welcome. Home. Her parents. Calm. That was what she needed, to be in the calm that her real parents had given her. Keen paused as bright sunlight filled her eyes. She covered her face against the glare and raised her head. A small whimper rose from her throat as she found herself facing a hilly field. There was no cover at all; she would have to follow the road and be completely visible. If Lightning flew by while she was out there… She could see on the distant hills that the forest continued. If she could just get that far without being seen, everything would be okay. Knowing she had no other option, Keen adjusted her saddle and stepped out beyond the treeline. She made her way to the dirt road; no point avoiding it now. She walked at a trot, her eyes going to the sky over and over again. She just knew Lightning would come swooping down from one of those clouds at any second. Her ears tucked as her stomach churned. A chill wind blew as she reached the bottom of one of the hills, making Keen’s entire body shiver. She wished she had some sort of coat to protect against the wind… but then, Lightning had never bought her one. There was a small copse of trees just over the next hill. Keen picked up her pace, eager to get under the protective canopy. Maybe she would wait there for a few minutes, just in case. As she reached the crest of the hill she found herself in the cold shade, another bite of wind making her cringe. Maybe staying under these trees wasn’t such a good idea after all. Keen bowed her head and trudged along, her mind flitting from thoughts of home and Lightning. She wished she knew how to feel. Angry? Sad? Hopeful? If only she knew what Lightning really wanted. If only— She noticed. Her pace slowed to a stop. She kept her head bowed, not wanting to look. A terrible concoction of anger and unhappiness filled her so that she wasn’t even sure what to think. But she’d felt that feeling enough times to know what it was on instinct. “I don’t want to go back.” “I know.” There was not a trace of cheer in that voice. Slowly, as if her neck had gone stiff, Keen raised her head to look to her right. Fine Crime was sitting by one of the trees, his head hanging low and his eyes on his hooves. They remained that way for some time; him looking like one of the most miserable stallions in the world and her waiting for him to make some kind of motion. Was he going to bring her back to Ponyville? Was he just going to sit there? Why did he look so sad? “Uncle Fine?” His eyes went up to her. She’d only seen that look one time on him… and it hurt just as much this time as it had before. Keen opened her mouth to speak, but he raised a hoof. “Give me a moment.” She tilted her head, wondering what he meant. Seconds passed. Maybe minutes. Then her Uncle Fine gained a look she’d truly never seen on him before. His eyes widened and his lips curved up in a disturbing smile. His pupils grew small and his breathing became slow. There was a strange sound almost like a rattle in his throat as his body lowered. Keen had never seen such… eagerness in a pony’s eyes before. There was something else, too, something she couldn’t name. She didn’t like it. It scared her. Uncle Fine had never scared her before… Then, abruptly, his entire body shook and he clutched at his head. He sat there, trembling for a few seconds with a sneer and his eyes covered. Eventually the shaking stopped and he leaned his head back on his slumped shoulders. A long, tired sigh escaped his lips. He looked normal again, but that strange sight was burned in Keen’s mind. She took a tentative step closer. “…Uncle Fine? Are you okay?” “No.” He let his forelegs fall limp, his eyes set on the sky through the bare limbs above. “It hurts. It hurts a lot.” She fidgeted. “Do you need help?” At last his head rolled back to a normal position. He smiled, but it was a feeble, forlorn expression. “Not the kind you can offer, Little Miss.” He sat properly again and patted the brown grass at his side. Keen hesitated, her eyes turning to the road. “You’re not going to make me go back, are you?” “That’s up to you,” he replied. “Please, Keen. Let’s talk.” She didn’t want to… but she trusted him, so Keen bowed her head and trudged her way off the road. She sat close by and sagged. “So… you ran away.” Keen shook her head, not willing to look at him. “I was gonna come back. I just wanted to see my parents.” He wasn’t looking at her, either. “But what about Lightning?” She grimaced and turned her head away. “What about her?” “She’s very scared, you know.” Keen blinked. She looked up at him with a peering gaze. If any other pony had said that… “Why?” “She wants to adopt you.” Still he wouldn’t look at her. “This is going to look bad.” Keen mimicked his pose and stared at her own hooves. A deep sadness rose up within her chest. She wished it wouldn’t come. She wanted to be strong, to act like she didn’t care. “Maybe I don’t want to be adopted.” At last he looked at her. He had that heavy-lidded, worn out expression she’d seen before. Was he having the nightmares again? She fidgeted, her worry starting to outweigh her misery and anger. “Keen… you know Lightning’s trying really hard, don’t you?” She pouted and looked away. “It won’t last. Tomorrow she’ll be all grumpy again. She’ll get mad for no reason and make bad mistakes. She’ll lie to me. She doesn’t want to be a mom. She wants to be… to be…” What word was she looking for? She couldn’t find it, so she just bowed her head and pouted some more. He heaved a deep sigh. “I don’t think you understand what’s really at stake.” Keen bowed her head a little, her shoulders shaking as that familiar fire ignited again. “It means she won’t adopt me. I’m not stupid.” “Is that what you see?” She blinked. She thought on his words… then slowly turned around. He was looking at his hooves again, and once more she felt her anger fading to sadness at the sight of his worn expression. She opened her mouth but didn’t know what to say. Silenced seeped into the air between them yet again. Keen was torn between her desire to help him and her desire to leave before he caught her up and carried her home. She was still fighting that little battle within herself when he at last looked at her. “Keen, can I tell you a story?” She kept her head bowed, her eyes going up to him and her ears lowering. “A story?” He nodded. “A true story. A story about a shadowpony. A story very, very important to what’s happening right now.” She fidgeted, her eyes going down the road once more. “I… I dunno…” “Please?” He bent low to nuzzle her neck. “Just this one story. Then if you want to go, I won’t stop you. Okay?” She didn’t know why he wanted to tell her a story now, but if it would help him feel better… She turned to face him, setting herself down to listen. He offered that feeble smile once more. “Thank you, Little Miss.” He turned back to the road and closed his eyes with a deep sigh. He remained that way for a little while, his lips working and his ears flicking. At last he opened his eyes, but he wasn’t looking at the road. No, his eyes were glazed over, like his vision was taking him to some other, faraway place. “There once was a little colt. “He was just your age.” This little colt had all the things he could ever want in life. Loving parents, money, a bright future. There was nothing, absolutely nothing, that he would ever want. Until, one day, he saw something. It was big, it was mean, and it took what he loved the most. The colt was sad; he wanted it back. He cried and cried, and when he couldn’t cry anymore he just felt miserable. He decided to follow the terrible thing. He saw that it had gone through a door. When he opened that door, he saw something… new. Darkness, a deep and all-encompassing shadow. It amazed him. It awed him. The colt stood at the threshold of the door. He looked for what was stolen from him, searching everywhere in the shadows. He never found it, and soon he trudged back home and left the door behind. Time passed. The colt still hurt. The door had his attention. He wanted to go in, explore, see how deep the shadows grew. So he went back to that door, entered the darkness, and began his search. It was a long, tireless, hopeless journey, seeking out that which was lost or, at least, the thing which took it. With every step, he grew more curious. The darkness showed him things, things he’d never known existed. Dark things, terrible things, things that scared him, things happening to other ponies that he knew was wrong. He wanted to see more, to understand what he’d found, to help the other ponies who were lost in the darkness. But the more he looked, the more frightened he became. At last he turned around. He ran, ran for days, ran from the shadows and the black. Yet when he finally made it all the way back… the door was gone. The colt was trapped in the shadows. They had lured him in, he’d lingered too long. He would never go home. The colt wandered, lost and scared, always in darkness. He saw more bad things happening, more evil and pain and fear. The shadows seeped into him. Soon he began to do bad things, too. Instead of helping the other lost ponies, he began hurting them. He didn’t like it, but he did it anyway. He couldn’t stop. Every day he became meaner and meaner. Every day he caused more and more pain. Every day he grew more and more scared. Then, one day, he saw something he’d never seen before: a window. It led to the light. He couldn’t open it, he couldn’t climb through and escape, but he could see the world that was once his home. And in that world, he saw another pony. A filly, who had lost something important just like him. She was staring into the darkness, facing that same fear and curiosity he had so long ago. The colt longed to be in the world of the light, but knew he would never get there. So he lingered at the window and watched as the filly came back, day after day, to stare into the darkness. She couldn’t see him… but she knew he was there. One day, the window was not a window anymore: it was a door. The colt watched as the door opened. The filly was at the threshold, wondering what was beyond. Just like he had. The colt grew scared. He called to the filly, begged her to turn away. He cried and waved and shouted. He tried to go through the door and push her away, but he couldn’t; the darkness wouldn’t let him go. He was so afraid. He didn’t want the filly to be lost in the darkness as he was. That thought scared him more than anything he’d ever seen in the black eternity. And then something incredible happened. The filly turned around… and walked away. The door closed. He never saw her again. Had she heard him? Had he saved her? The colt didn’t know… but he decided that he would no longer wallow in the shadows feeling wretched and hurting other ponies. He began resisting the dark tug of the eternal black on his mind. He could never leave the shadows, but that didn’t mean the shadows had to control him. He vowed to never let another pony enter that door. He sought it out, and whenever he found it he always found a scared and hurting pony peering at the darkness. He always spoke to them, always helped them. He became the Shadowpony, that little voice that tells us when we should ignore that dark pull on our hearts and turn away from that door. And now… …he’s watching you. “Me?” Keen stared up at Fine, saw the tears forming in his eyes. Her heart was pressed tight against her chest, her mind filled with a strange fear. She found herself glancing over her shoulder at the trees, half expecting to see some black colt watching her from the shade. “Yes, Keen, you.” Fine wouldn’t look at her, but he nodded slowly. “Not just you. Lightning, too.” Keen felt the hair on her coat rise a little as a fear trickled its way into her brain. “But… but why?” At last he looked to her, and this time there really were tears on his cheeks. The sight almost made her heart stop. “Because you’re at the door, Keen. You both are. One more step is all it takes, and you’ll be in the darkness.” Fine dropped down to catch her in a sudden hug. He held her tight and buried his face in her mane. His sniffs resounded in her ear. “The colt’s scared, Keen. He’s terrified. He doesn’t want you to go into the shadows. He doesn’t want you to be lost and hurt like he is. He’s trying so hard, so terribly hard to catch your attention. P-please… try to hear him. He’s so… so scared…” “I… but…” Keen couldn’t stop herself from holding him. His sadness seemed to fill her up like a fountain, to make her want to cry too. “I don’t know what to listen for.” “You don’t have to.” Fine set her down, but kept his hooves under her shoulders. He looked her dead in the eye, his lips trembling as he spoke. “He’s here, Keen. Right now. He’s begging you, don’t go. You have no idea how terrible the darkness can be. You can turn back. You can still have a bright, happy future ahead of you. Please.” Now she was crying. Keen didn’t understand why she was crying, but she was. She rubbed her eyes and couldn’t meet his gaze. “W-what about Lightning?” Fine sniffed and rubbed his nose. He leaned back and bowed his head. “Lightning is right there with you, Keen. You’re linked, and the colt knows it.” He petted her mane, and she pressed against his hoof lovingly. “For you, the path was short. You found the door very quickly. The shadows pounced on you. They’re saying ‘Come to us, little one. We’ll make you feel better, we’ll wash the tears away.’ But the colt knows better. He knows that the shadows will only cause more tears. “But Lightning…” He shook his head, brushing the moisture from his cheeks. “Oh Keen, if only you knew. The shadows have been beckoning to her for so long, whispering in her ear since a time before you were even born. Things always go wrong, the problems just keeps piling up. Every day she moves a little closer to that door.” He dropped to his belly once more, locking his bloodshot eyes with hers. “You’re there together, Keen. You’re standing side-by-side. Lightning knows about the door, about the darkness. She’s been trying so hard to ignore it, to stay in the light and be a good pony. The colt has been talking to her, working to convince her to turn around.” Keen sniffed, unable to look away from his gaze. “Why… why hasn’t she?” “She had no happiness,” he whispered. “As scared as she is of the darkness, there’s been nothing in the light to call her back. The colt can tell her not to go into the door, Keen, but unless something happy lures her away, she’ll always be there, just one step away from the shadows.” Keen bowed her head. Her misery gained an extra notch of pain. “I don’t have anything happy, either…” He offered a weak smile and reached up to touch her cheek. “That’s why you’re together, Keen. Lightning wanted you to be her happiness, and she wants to be yours.” She stepped back, a sob jolting her body. “How can you say that? I don’t make her happy! And she doesn’t make me happy!” “Are you sure?” he asked. “Really sure?” “Yes!” Keen turned away from him, her shoulders shaking as the tears increased their flow. “What has she ever done to make me happy?” He caught her up in another hug, this one so tight she almost couldn’t breathe. “Please, Keen. You’re the only thing keeping Lightning from entering the darkness.” He rocked back and forth, loosening his hold as his tears moistened her coat. “She’d do anything to keep you out of that doorway. Just like the colt, she’s scared. If you go in, she’ll go in to save you, and then you’ll both be doomed.” Fine lifted her, turned her to face him. She didn’t know he could cry so much. “The colt knows this, Keen. He knows that if one of you goes in, so too will the other. That’s what scares him so much.” Keen sniffed and rubbed her muzzle once more. Something about his words really hit home. “Lightning’s… worried? About me?” “Yes.” He nodded jerkily, his black mane flopping wildly. “She’s terrified, Keen. She’s looking all over for you. She’ll do anything to save you, even enter that door. But if she does…” He bowed his head and went silent for a few seconds. He sucked in a long, deep breath before looking up at her again. The tears had stopped, but the pleading look in his eyes were stronger than ever. “Please, Keen. Talk to her. Let her find you. This may be your last chance.” She hesitated. She turned her head to look at the road to Foal Mountains over her shoulder, its curving shape disappearing into the forest beyond. “But… but I…” “You can go if you want,” Fine said, slowly setting her back down. “It’s all up to you. But if you walk down that path… “…you will make the colt of shadows very, very sad.” Keen bowed her head, thinking hard on what he’d told her. Questions and worries flitted through her mind, but the idea of being lost in darkness forever… She recalled the feeling of being alone and hungry, of knowing she would never see her parents again. Of living in fear, of hiding in her bed while terrible, horrible things happened all around her. Of not knowing what was going to happen next, of being confused, of being angry. The last two years of her life, playing out in her mind’s eye. She didn’t want to spend the rest of her life like this. Even so… “But… but what if she tells me what I don’t want to hear?” She kept her face low as she looked up at him. “What if she just lies some more?” That weak smile came back. “She won’t, Keen.” She averted her gaze, her doubts stronger than ever. “She won’t.” She looked up at him, her mind a terrible vortex of thoughts. All she had to do was turn and walk away. She didn’t have to face Lightning and her doubts and fears. But to keep living like this… Sighing, Keen moved close to Fine. She dropped to her belly and pressed against him, letting her chin rest in the dead grass. She closed her eyes and prayed she wouldn’t regret this. Lightning flew through the cold sky, keeping just below the cloud level as she zigzagged over the forest. Though panic continued to threaten her mind and her heart screamed at her to fly faster, she kept her head and maintained a moderate speed. If she moved too fast she might not see Keen through the bare branches below, or she might even lose track of the road. She had to do this right: she had to think clearly. All morning she’d been flying along the winding road to Foal Mountains. Hours had passed, and the longer she flew the more difficult it was to keep her fear in check. What if she’d passed Keen up? Surely she couldn’t have made it out this far already, even if she’d left as soon as Lightning had gone to bed. What if she’d not gone this way at all? What if her guess about Foal Mountains had been off? Maybe Lightning should have been angry. A couple of weeks ago she probably would have been. Right now she was just scared. She saw the signal in the distance. It was like a firework, dark red and shimmering in the sunlight. Her eagle eyes honed in on the sight and, to her surprise, she recognized the shape the fiery lights took on. It was her cutie mark. At last she felt a smidgen of hope as she turned and flew straight for the signal. A second one exploded in the sky before she could get there. Soon she was flying over a hilly field, an oasis of brown grass in the forest. She saw the small bundle of trees close to the center of the field and flew for it, guessing the signal was coming from there. When Lightning saw Fine and Keen together under one of those trees, her entire world seemed to light up. It was impossible to express the sheer joy coursing through her body and zapping into her brain. She dove straight down, smashing through leafless limbs like they weren’t even there. In her excitement she almost forgot to use her legs upon landing, stumbling and tripping and almost falling on her face. Her eyes were locked on Keen as she galloped to them, a huge smile on her face and tears in her eyes. “Keen! Oh, thank you thank you thank you!” Keen retreated behind Fine, and that made Lightning slide to a stop. But even at the filly’s dodge, Lightning couldn’t suppress the sheer happiness of seeing the filly was safe. She turned and engulfed Fine in a big hug. “I don’t know how you found her, but thank you!” He held her awkwardly for a moment, then pulled back. Only then did she see his bloodshot eyes and deep frown. “Don’t thank me just yet.” He stepped aside, revealing Keen. Her body was slunk low, her eyes going up to Lightning in a peering, unpleasant manner. “You two need to talk.” “Y-yes…” Lightning sat and sighed, her eyes set upon the filly. “Yes, we really do.” Fine was slinking away. Keen noticed and reached a hoof for him. “D-don’t go!” “Sorry, Little Miss,” he said, his words soft. “This isn’t about me. You two need to do this on your own.” “But Uncle Fine…” Black clouds engulfed him and he was gone. Keen chewed her lip and let her leg fall. She looked up at Lightning and quickly regained her dark frown. A sudden anxiousness filled Lightning as she stared down at the child. There was so much that needed to be said, but she didn’t know where to start. If she did this wrong… She bowed her head and fought to think of how to begin. “Keen… I…” “Are you going to lie again?” Lightning looked up with wide eyes. Keen’s angry gaze didn’t falter. “Are you going to tell me what you think I want to hear? Try to make me feel better with sweets? Not tell me anything?” Lightning’s heart pounded, her mind stuck on this filly she’d been living with for all these months. She’d never seen Keen so… livid. And she realized it was all her fault. “No.” She sagged and shook her head. “No, Keen. No more. I will tell you the truth about anything you ask. No more dodging, I promise.” Keen sneered and turned her face away. “You’ve said that before.” There was that knife twisting in her heart again. “It’ll be different this time. You’ll see.” Keen only huffed. A small gasp left Lightning’s lips. She could feel her heart sinking deeper and deeper into the quicksand that was her fear. She fell to her belly and nuzzled Keen, but the filly stepped away. “Ask me anything!” Lightning clapped her hooves together in a pleading fashion. “Please, Keen, give me a chance to explain. Whatever it is that’s bothering you, just tell me! I want to talk. Please.” Keen glared at her, her eyes wet but not yet breaking out with tears. She opened her mouth, reconsidered, tried again and failed. There was so much anger in her, and it was tearing Lightning apart. At last Keen found something to say. “Do you even like me?” Lightning’s throat constricted. She gasped, eyes wide as saucers. She took a moment to fight down the horrible feeling in her chest and get her air back. “Y-yes. Keen, of course I do! You’re my precious Little Bolt, how could you doubt that?” The next question was a shout, louder than Lightning had ever heard from the filly. “Then why do you keep lying to me?” Lightning felt tears coming to her cheeks already. She could feel the mental wall coming up, but with a cry she bashed it down and forced the words out. “Because I’m scared! Because I don’t want you to hate me!” Keen stepped back, her eyes going wide and her anger momentarily forgotten. Lightning bowed her head, her shoulders shaking. She had to say it now, didn’t she? “I… I’ve done things I’m not proud of, Keen. I made mistakes, some of them really bad. I was scared. I thought… if you knew… that you wouldn’t want to be with me anymore.” She turned away from the filly and wished she didn’t feel so pathetic. “But it happened anyway. You ran away. Was I really that bad?” A harsh quiet filled the air. Lightning spent her time sucking down deep gasps of air and fighting not to let her emotions overwhelm her. They would eventually, she knew it, but she had to hold back for as long as she could. She couldn’t answer Keen’s questions if she broke down… At last Keen spoke, and her voice was quiet. “I heard lots of rumors. They made me feel bad. They… they said you were a bad pony.” Lightning sniffed and looked over her shoulder at Keen. The filly’s head was low, her anger was gone. Their eyes met, and the question was there. Keen didn’t have to say it for her to recognize it. “Maybe I was a bad pony.” Lightning turned back to Keen and nodded. “I… I think a lot of ponies really thought I was, so maybe. But then something changed: I met you.” The slightest touch of red came to Keen’s cheeks. She turned her head away, but her eye didn’t leave Lightning’s. “They… they said you burned down a town.” Lightning winced; so they were really going to do this. It was about time. “It… was an accident.” Lightning couldn’t meet that one-eyed gaze. “I was trying to help. I only made things worse. A lot of ponies lost their homes and went hungry because of me.” Keen’s head rose, her mouth opened just slightly. She stared at Lightning as if not recognizing her. That gaze hurt so much… The filly stepped forward. “W-what about Miss Airheart?” Lightning blinked, the pain in her heart fading just a little as she tilted her head. “What about her?” “They say she was nearly killed in that first cold front.” Before, Lightning had winced. Now she leaned back with forelegs folded, her eyes going wide. Keen was going for the throat; she was going to drag out everything. Lightning swallowed and fought down the tears. “I… I’m sorry, Keen.” Her head bowed. “I… I lied to you about that. It was wrong, and I’m so sorry. I let Airheart take the blame for everything that happened that day, but I was the one rushing in without thinking. Yes, she almost died. So did I.” She dropped to her knees once more to look Keen in the eye, ignoring the wrenching in her gut. “I didn’t know what to say. I was scared. I was always scared. I wish I was more patient like you, maybe then I wouldn’t always mess things up so badly.” Keen’s ears lowered as she thought on this. “Sometimes I wish I wasn’t so good at seeing lies,” she whispered. “I knew it. You weren’t telling the truth. But I didn’t know what the truth was. I was so confused… and mad.” “I know.” Lightning reached for Keen, and to her immense relief the filly let her touch her cheek. “I should have been honest, and I’m sorry.” Keen thought for a while, hardly responding to Lightning’s touch. Eventually her eyes rose up to meet Lightning’s again. “Did you really try to fight Miss Dash?” Lightning cringed; was that knife ever going to stop twisting? “Yes, I tried. She wouldn’t let me, though. She made me look stupid.” Keen backed away – another horrid twist in the heart – and asked, “Why do you hate her?” Lightning sat up once more. She leaned her head back to stare at the sky through the trees. She took slow, calming breaths, but at last a tear fell down her cheek. If only she’d explained these things as they happened, like she should have. Then she wouldn’t be undergoing all this agony at one time. Yet she wasn’t going to stop. Keen needed to know, and she refused to hide anymore. She looked down at her kid, who was leaned forward with ears perked in anticipation. “Do you remember me talking about the academy?” A small nod. “Keen, ever since I was little, all I wanted was to be a Wonderbolt. When I got into the academy, it was a dream come true. That’s when I met Rainbow; we were in the same class. They made us partners, and we were amazing together.” Once more, Lightning turned her head away. The memories of that time were so hideously strong. She set the back of a hoof to her lips and gave herself a moment of recovery. She turned back to Keen. “They kicked me out, Keen. My dream was ruined. I… I blamed Rainbow. I said it was all her fault.” Keen chewed her lip, tried to speak. No words came out. She ducked, averted her eyes with a blush and tried again. “Was it? Was it her fault?” “No.” Lightning shook her head with a sigh. “I deserved it, Keen. I was arrogant and mean, and I didn’t care about the others. I was the worst pony imaginable, and I became even worse by blaming Rainbow instead of myself.” Keen looked away and fidgeted. She rubbed her hoof in the brown grass. Eventually she was able to ask, “So you can’t be a Wonderbolt? Not ever?” Lightning stared at her, and suddenly the pain lessened. It lessened a lot. To her surprise, she was smiling. “I could, maybe… but I won’t.” Yet again their eyes met. Keen tilted her head with an uncertain frown. “Why?” Lightning’s smile broadened. “I found something more important. I can’t be a Wonderbolt and be with you too. So I won’t be a Wonderbolt.” Keen’s eyes became like saucers. “…really?” Lightning nodded, her sadness completely gone. It was so incredibly easy to say. “Really. If it means losing you, I don’t want to be a Wonderbolt anymore.” Keen gaped for several seconds. Lightning fidgeted, a tremor of excitement running through her. Was that it? Was that the confession Keen needed to hear? Suddenly Lightning just wanted to tackle her in an embrace. She started to reach– –Keen back away in alarm. The sudden movement made Lightning pause, her happiness crashing down at the sight of the filly’s eyes. “H-how do I know that’s true?” Keen shook her head, taking another tentative step back. “How do I know you won’t go back to being mean, to ignoring me? What if you don’t really like me?” “I do like you, Keen.” Lightning raised her hooves in a calming gesture, straining to keep her voice controlled. “I swear in the name of Luna, I do. I promise, I’m not the same pony I was when we met at the orphanage.” Keen froze. Her eyelids lowered, her lips pulled back tense frown. Lightning went still upon seeing the filly’s new anger. “The orphanage.” Lightning hesitated; what was this? “Y-yes…?” Keen sat back and stared at her hooves, her expression not easing up in the slightest. “They were foals, just like me. They… they all became monsters, didn’t they?” There was that knife again. Lightning leaned back and closed her eyes, shaking as she saw menacing blue eyes in the darkness. This topic, this one topic Keen kept trying to broach... “K-Keen… yes. Yes they were all… m-monsters…” Keen looked up at Lightning. Her gaze was intense. “Upper Crust. She said some monsters can go back to being ponies. She did. She said she did.” Lightning’s eyes opened wide, her jaw dropped. “No. No, not those monsters. Those monsters can’t—” “How do you know?” Keens stepped forward, locking Lightning in a tearful glare. Her entire body heaved with her breaths. “What if we didn’t have to kill them? What if they could have been saved? Saved like Upper Crust, like her husband? We didn’t even try!” Just as quickly as it had come, the anger was gone. Keen sat back and rubbed her cheeks, sobbing as the tears refused to stop. “Th-they were foals. Just like me. They were foals… We should have tried… I was so scared. Why didn’t we try?” Lightning could only stare at the weeping filly. Was this what she’d been trying to say all these months? And it hurt to think that Keen was thinking such things… and Lightning never had. She moved in and caught her up in a hug, letting Keen lean over her shoulder as a deep sadness and guilt filled her. Keen was too miserable to try to resist. “Oh, Keen… you’re right. I don’t know anything about changelings. Maybe they could be cured. I don’t know. I’m not sure anypony knows.” She patted Keen’s back and nuzzled her, taking in every sob like a fresh wound. “I was scared, too. All I could think about was getting you out of there. It never even occurred to me to help them, because I was so mad. I’m sorry.” “I d-didn’t think about it, either,” Keen mumbled between hiccups. “B-but then Upper Crust t-told me how she used to be a monster and… and… I feel so bad. I didn't know why until... until now” Lightning was going to have to have a talk with that mare when she got back from Nildia, but for now she had something far more important to deal with. “I don’t think Crustie was the same kind of monster, Little Bolt.” Keen remained silent. Lightning couldn’t help wondering if she was finished with her questions. Maybe this sudden burst of pain made her lose all her energy. Lightning sighed and kept a tight hold… but somehow she just wasn’t satisfied. “Lightning?” “...yeah?” “What if I had become a monster?” Lightning blinked. She turned her head to stare, but Keen was still clutching her. She couldn’t see the filly’s face. “What do you mean?” Keen sniffed. “If… if I had been turned into a monster… would you have let me die, too?” Lightning’s breathing came to an instant halt, her mouth ran dry. She exhaled a single long, ragged breath. There was this hideous feeling in her gut, like the entire world was glaring at her and preparing to cast judgment. She held Keen a little tighter, shaking as she fought to find the right words. They had to be the right words. Finally, after what seemed like ages, she set Keen down in the grass. She gazed into her sorrowful eyes and stroked her beautiful white mane. Lightning’s lips worked silently as she prayed to Celestia, Luna, their Holy Mother and any other great figure who might be out there. “Keen… if you had asked me that question the day we escaped, I’d have said no. I would have been lying and you know it.” Lightning couldn’t believe how steady her voice was; her heart wasn’t steady at all. “But you didn’t ask me then. You’re asking now.” She wanted to look away, but she kept her neck locked tight and let those dear blue eyes bore into her soul. “I want to tell you ‘no.’ I want to say that I’d have saved you, no matter what. I won’t. I can’t, Keen. I’m s-sorry.” The tears were back. Lightning made no attempt to stop them. She only watched as her precious filly bowed her head. She’d told the truth, just like Keen wanted. Please, let it not be too much… “I…” Keen blinked, her eyes shifting, her body shaking. “I… I believe you…” Lightning leaned back with hooves up as if to ward off a blow, a horrible whimpering sound escaping her throat. That terrible pain in her chest was back in full force and the fear tightened on her mind. But she forced the pain and fear down. She remained calm through sheer force of will and the understanding that what she did right now could be the most important thing she’d ever do in her life. She fell to her belly and caught Keen below her forelegs, holding her upright. She didn’t know why she did that. Maybe she just didn’t want Keen to bolt. Whatever the case, they were gazing into one another’s eyes once more. Lightning had Keen, and now she spoke the words that, for some unfathomable reason, she’d never been able to utter. “I love you, Keen. I was in a dark, cold place before you arrived in my life. You’ve given me a happiness I didn’t know I could find. Please, give me one last chance to be a mother.” The filly’s eyes went wide. “You… love me?” “I do.” Lightning kissed the filly’s forehead and held her close once more. “I love you so much! I want to be your mom. I know I’m not good at it, but I’m learning. We don’t have to be alone and scared anymore, neither of us. I want to see you smile, I want to see you play and laugh and grow up. I want to watch you go to school, make friends and be loved. I want you to earn your cutie mark and go on to do something special with your life.” Lightning had no more fear. Or pain or anger or any of those things. There was only one emotion left, and she clung to it as tightly as she did the filly she kept close. “When you have a nightmare, I want to be there when you wake up. When you have to do something that makes you scared, I want to give you courage. When you’re lost or hurt or confused, I want to make it better. Be my daughter, Keen. Please. I want to face this world with you… and for you. I won’t be the best mom in the world… “…but I’ll be the best mom I can.” Her gentle sobs were the only sound for some time. Then… she noticed Keen was crying, too. The filly pushed back on her chest, and when Lightning looked down she saw cheeks wet with tears. “I b-believe you.” Keen sucked in a shuddering breath and managed a trembling smile. “I believe you, Lightning.” The dam broke for real this time; Lightning wept as joy erupted in her mind. She clutched Keen close and sobbed, sobbed like she had with Airheart, sobbed like there was nothing else in the world that mattered. Because nothing else did. She was still holding Keen when she came out of the fit. The filly was holding on tight to her neck and, though her cheeks were still moist, she was smiling. Lightning sniffed and nuzzled Keen’s mane with a weak smile. “Y-you are as bad as Airheart, Little Bolt. Making me all… all sappy…” Keen giggled and pressed against the motion. She gave a little hiccup and rubbed her cheeks. “I’m sorry I ran away…” “Don’t be.” Lightning shook her head with a beaming smile. “I’m sorry it took you running away for me to finally do this.” Keen nodded against Lightning’s chest. “I guess this means we’re turning away from the door.” “The door?” Lightning tilted her head. “Nothing…” Keen smiled up at her. “Just a story Uncle Fine told me.” Uncle Fine, huh? Lightning looked around at the surrounding trees. “Where did he go, anyway? We should thank him.” “Don’t worry,” Keen whispered, tightening her hold just a little as she grinned. “He knows. Uncle Fine is always watching.” Maybe he was. For the first time ever, that thought didn’t bother Lightning at all. No, she was happy beyond words. “Are we going home now?” “Yeah.” Lightning grinned and petted Keen’s mane, planting another small kiss on her forehead. “Yeah, let’s go home.”