Foal Fever

by Distaff Pope


16. Pets and Pests (Vinyl)

        “Hey,” I said while Tavi wrote letters to Canterlot’s nightclubs asking if I could do a gig at their place during the next month or so. “So, I have a crazy idea, but are you still worried about raising a filly?”

        “Some,” she said said, brushing a few strands of her mane back behind her ear. “While dealing with you the last few days has certainly helped prepare me for our daughter’s teenaged years, I’m still worried about my ability to deal with a small child. The formative years are the most important, and I don’t want to permanently scar our daughter.”

        “Yeah, well, you know what’s like a child but harder to mess up?” I asked as I looked through the mail that had just been delivered. Sorting mail was usually Tavi’s job, but since she was working to start my big comeback tour, I figured I might as well look through our mail for her. Tavi shook her head at me.

        “A pet!” I said, smiling while I floated the junk mail directly to the trash can. “Think of it, it’s like a foal in that it’s weak and helpless and can’t live without you, but you can’t really do any psychological damage to it if you mess up. It’s a great way to get a bit of practice in before the actual delivery.” And I totally wasn’t just saying that because I wanted a pet. It was all because I wanted to stop Tavi from worrying even though she was obviously going to be a great mom.

        She put the quill back in the inkwell and chewed her lower lip in thought. “Well,” she said eventually, “my two biggest reservations about owning a pet were that I could barely make ends meet for just myself and that I had no desire to take care of another living thing. Obviously, those two factors are no longer a concern, so…” She tapped her chin a few times. “I suppose it wouldn’t hurt if we went to Miss Fluttershy’s cottage to inquire about her recommendations.”

        “Cool,” I said, quickly jumping to her hooves. “Let’s get going, I bet she has all sorts of cool pets up for adoption like… I know she had a bear a few years ago, that would be cool.”

        Tavi blinked at me, trying to hide her irritation. Ever since I had kind of wished her back into being a teenager, her ability to not look annoyed at things had gotten way worse. “First of all, Vinyl, we are not getting a bear, especially not when we have a foal on the way, and second of all, we aren’t leaving until I finish these letters and you finish sorting the mail.”

        “Alright,” I mumbled before looking back through the mail. “Bill. Bill. Junk. Bill. Boring. Junk. Junk. Whoa! Who do we know from…” I stopped as I saw the sender was a Mr. Record Profit and Mrs. Landed Estate. “Tavi, you’ll never believe who I just got a letter from.”

        “Celestia,” she said, not bothering to look up from the letter she was writing.

        “Less plausible than that.”

        “Then who?” she said. “I don’t particularly feel like playing a guessing game all day, especially if you want to go to Fluttershy’s cottage to look for a pet.”

        “It’s… your parents sent me a letter.” Tavi froze at the words, ink blotting the page she was writing.

        “Vinyl,” she said, giving me a forced smile, “that really isn’t a thing you should joke about. Especially not when you’re trying to get back into my good graces.” Tavi glanced down at the page and balled it up before grabbing another sheet of paper.

        “I’m not joking,” I said, passing the letter to her. “See for yourself.”

        Tavi grabbed the letter and looked down at it before snatching at the nearby letter opener, muttering to herself as she did so. “Unbelievable… I can’t… Why would they…” She scanned the page. “They’re coming to visit, Vinyl. They’re coming to visit and I’m nine months pregnant and look like a teenager.” Tavi got to her hooves and began pacing the room.

        “What’s the big deal?” I asked. “Just write them back and tell them to go to hell. Not that big an issue. I thought you were pretty much done with them.”

        “I know,” she said, “but they said they want to bury the hatchet and apologize for their actions. If… if they are telling the truth, shouldn’t I at least hear them out?”

        “If you want,” I said, putting the rest of the mail away, and wondering just how boring the family drama stuff would be. Still, I was trying to be a good wife, and the fallout would probably be pretty fun to watch. Besides, when she gets upset with a pony that isn’t me, the sex is really great. Although, I mean, that wasn’t that big a deal since the sex had been really great the last few days. So, if Tavi met with her parents, she’d get some emotional resolution stuff, and I would probably get a night of really mind-blowing sex. Sounded like a win-win.

        “I think you should do it,” I said. “Maybe you all can work things out, and if they’re serious about working things out, maybe our daughter should get to know her grandparents. Well, both sets of them.”

        “You… You really think so?” she said, frowning for a second. “When we brought up the issue before, you were always dead set against them having anything to do with us.”

        “Well, you know,” I said, laughing nervously, “maybe getting all younger has made me kinder and more generous.” Tavi just stared at me, she didn’t really have to say anything to point out what an obvious lie that was. “Okay, so maybe I also thought that this might lead to some really great emotional sex after you got through dealing with them.”

        Tavi gave an exasperated sigh and thumped her head against our study table. “Of course, I should’ve known your reasons were something base. Ever since you… regressed, sex has been your motive for everything.” And ever since Tavi had regressed, she’d been acting snobbier than usual, which was kind of funny since was just as “base” as I was. She just liked putting on airs when we weren’t in the bedroom. Still, if she wanted to act all high and mighty outside, I could put up with it. In fact, it was kind of fun knowing how dirty she actually was whenever she tried to pretend she never felt… impulses.

        “Vinyl,” Tavi said, “you’ve been staring at me for some time, and that look…” She rubbed one foreleg with the other and blushed before looking away. “If you could refrain from such looks while we are trying to have a serious conversation, I would greatly appreciate it. We can indulge such thoughts after the day’s events are taken care of.”

        Oh, it was going to be so fun to drive her to distraction. I leaned over and kissed her neck, causing her blush to deepen. “Come on,” I whined, “you know that no matter what happens I will be there for you, and if your parents start being terrible, you can show ‘em the door. It’s not that big of an issue.” I smiled at her as a tingle crept up my body. “I bet I can take your mind off your parents.”

        She gave a small laugh and pressed her head against my coat. “Something tells me you will.” Tavi glanced between the letters on the desk and me. “I think those last few letters will hold a while. I’m going to take a nap for a bit before we head to Miss Fluttershy’s, would you care to join me?”

        “I don’t know,” I said, getting back up on my hooves to follow her, “I’m not that tired. Maybe you can nap and I will just spend some time in my work room. You know, burn off some of that energy. Or…” Tavi turned and glared at me. “Oh! Is this that being coy thing you do even when we’re in our home. If you want sex, just say ‘you want sex.’ I’d be happy to help you with that.”

        Tavi harumphed as I followed her upstairs. “It’s called having a sense of tact and decorum, Vinyl. I know it’s something of a foreign concept to you.”

        “You’re right,” I said, staring at her flank swishing back and forth as she walked up the stairs, “the concept is a bit fuzzy to me, so maybe you could help explain the concept to me. Do tact and decorum play a big role before or after the paddle?”

        She turned to face me at the top of the stairs, blushing and scowling simultaneously. “That! That’s only for special occasions and… Why are we talking about this outside the bedroom? Woodhoof could overhear us.”

        “I think he knows we have sex. I mean, I know we used magic to get you knocked up but–”

        “Inside!” She said, cutting me off before her frown vanished. “I mean… if we can talk about this inside, I promise I will be grateful.”

        “Like… paddle grateful? Ropes grateful?” I asked. She looked down and nodded.

        “Very much so, I… I would just prefer it if we didn’t discuss things in public,” she said, pushing me towards the door and pushing her lips against mine. “Or… outside of the bedroom at all.”

        “Yeah, what gives>” I said, opening the door with an elbow and pulling her in. “You’re usually okay about me being flirty. Now you’re all back into propriety and stuff. It’s like when we first met, but actually worse because now we are supposed to be doing fun sex stuff but you get all uptight about it and start banging the propriety drum. I mean–”

        “It’s hard,” she said, cutting me off. “You understand. I’m trying to keep my judgment from being compromised, keep myself from giving in to my urges, but you make it difficult, flaunting your raw sexuality about while I am desperately trying to keep myself from losing all control. I’m pregnant, I’m a teenager again, and I’m now under a tremendous amount of stress thanks to the fact that my parents are visiting. Every single second there is an explosion going off in my head reminding me that I am married to the most beautiful mare in existence and it takes all of my willpower not to just pounce on you. So yes, I am falling back on the old shields of propriety, tact, and decorum to keep myself even moderately sane.”

        There was a pause. I smiled at her and leaned in close. “So… what you’re saying is that if I lean in close and nibble on your ear like this in public, you’ll–” Tavi laughed and pushed me onto the bed.

        She crawled up next to me and pressed her body against mine. “Yes, you’re very funny, Vinyl, now shut up.” I opened my mouth to say something but before I could, she had pressed her lips against mine. So, it turns out that wishing she drank the potion wasn’t a good idea. It was an awesome idea.