Pinkie Pie Eats the Moon
One day, Pinkie Pie was having a fairly ordinary time working at the bakery when she heard something that would change her life, and quite possibly the lives of everypony in all of Equestria, forever. It all started when a customer came in and asked for cheesecake…
“Do you sell cheesecake?” the pony (a female unicorn with a telescope for a cutie mark) asked upon reaching the counter.
“Of course! We sell cheesecake and angel food cake and pineapple upside-down cake and pretty much any kind of cake you can imagine. Except pancakes. Why don’t we sell pancakes? Pancakes are still cake, aren’t they? Do you think we should sell pancakes?” Pinkie said.
“Uh…sure,” the customer said. “I need that cheesecake now, though. I have to bring it to the Ponyville Astronomer’s Convention. I thought it could be fun to have a ‘cheese’cake since the Moon is made of cheese and all.” She chuckled.
“It is? Really?” Pinkie asked as she gave the customer her cheesecake.
“Sure…” the customer said in a sarcastic tone (which Pinkie didn’t recognize), and paid for the cake, using her horn’s magic to levitate it out the door. “Thanks!” she called back as she left.
But Pinkie wasn’t really paying attention. The Moon was made of cheese? Why hadn’t anypony told her this before? She loved cheese! But why would there be cheese up in the sky? Was it sky cheese? Maybe sky cheese was the best cheese! The sky was trying to keep it away from her! But she wouldn’t let the sky stop her – she had to try some!
But it wasn’t nighttime yet, so she’d have to wait. In the meantime, she decided to go tell her friends about her awesome idea. She asked Mrs. Cake if she could take over the bakery duties for a while, and then left to go to Twilight’s house.
“Hi!” she shouted happily when she got there and Spike answered the door. “I’m going to eat the Moon!”
“What?” Spike asked in confusion, but let her in. Pinkie saw Twilight sitting in her library, busy reading a book.
“Hi, Twilight! I’m going to eat the Moon!” she shouted.
“That’s nice. Have fun!” Twilight said, thoroughly distracted by her book and not really paying attention to what Pinkie had just said.
“Okay!” Pinkie said, and started toward the door. She looked back over her shoulder and said, “Come to the Town Square tonight if you want to see it! Maybe we’ll have a party to celebrate!” Then she left.
“Um…are you sure you heard her right?” Spike asked Twilight. She still wasn’t paying attention. “Twilight!” he shouted as loudly as he could.
“What? What’s going on?” Twilight asked, looking up suddenly and realizing that Spike had shouted her name.
“Sorry to bother you, but Pinkie just said she’s going to eat the Moon,” Spike said.
“What?” Twilight asked.
“That’s what I said. You just told her to ‘have fun,’ doing it though…” Spike said.
“Oh, well. I’m sure she’ll realize how impossible it is soon enough,” Twilight said, getting back to her reading.
Meanwhile, Pinkie was searching Ponyville for Rainbow Dash. Eventually, she happened to spy her lounging around on a cloud. “Hi, Rainbow!” she shouted.
Rainbow Dash almost fell off the cloud. Quickly righting herself and trying to make it look like she’d planned for that to happen, she looked over the edge at Pinkie. “Hi!” she shouted.
“I’m going to eat the Moon! It’s made of sky cheese!” Pinkie said.
“Yeah, right,” Rainbow said.
“I know I’m right! It’s going to be so yummy!” Pinkie said.
“No, I mean you can’t do it. I tried to fly there back when I was a filly and I didn’t get even close. When you get really high, it starts getting really cold and your wings get tired. There’s no way any pegasus could get even close. And you’re an Earth pony.”
“So?” Pinkie asked.
“So how would you even get up there? There’s no way a hot air balloon could take you that high,” Rainbow said.
Mostly ignoring any feelings of doubt, but still feeling a bit disheartened, Pinkie said, “But Twilight thought I could do it…”
“Really? Huh. Well, good luck!” Rainbow said, lying back down on the cloud.
“Thanks!” Pinkie said, cheering up immediately. “And come to the Town Square tonight! We’ll celebrate after I do it!”
“Okay…” Rainbow Dash said. “See you later!”
Pinkie happily made her way over to Sweet Apple Acres, where Applejack was bucking apples off the trees. “Hi!” she shouted.
“Hey, Pinkie!” Applejack said. “I’m kind of busy right now, but…”
“I’m going to eat the Moon!” Pinkie said.
“What?” Applejack said in disbelief. She tried to stifle her laughter, but it slipped out and she started laughing. She stopped herself after she realized Pinkie was serious. “That’s ridiculous! You might as well eat the Sun!”
“Is that made of cheese, too?” Pinkie asked hopefully.
“I don’t think so. And it’s kind of important for plant life. Without the Sun, apples wouldn’t grow and Sweet Apple Acres would have to go out of business. And what are ponies supposed to eat if plants aren’t able to grow?” Applejack said.
“Ooh, ooh, I know this one!” Pinkie said, looking around. “Uh…rocks!” And she picked one up and started chewing on it.
“No…” Applejack said. “We need the Sun. So don’t eat it, okay?” she said jokingly. She knew there was obviously no worry that Pinkie would actually do it. Though it wasn’t beyond Pinkie to do what seemed like it should be impossible, that would surely be impossible even for her.
While Applejack was thinking this, Pinkie had somehow managed to chew up the rock and swallow it. “Okay. I’ll just eat the Moon! It’s made of sky cheese, you know!”
“You know that’s impossible, right?” Applejack said, but Pinkie wasn’t paying attention. She was already leaving.
“Come to the Town Square tonight to see me do it! We’ll have a party!” she said as she walked away. Applejack shook her head and went back to applebucking.
Next, Pinkie went to see Fluttershy at her house. When she answered the door, Angel was sitting on her head and looking cross. “Oh, hi, Pinkie,” she said. “I’m trying to get Angel to eat his food, but he isn’t very happy about it for some reason.” She looked over her shoulder at Angel and said, “It’s important that you eat healthy. Don’t you want to be big and strong?” Angel shook his head.
“Do you want to come in?” Fluttershy asked Pinkie.
“Sure!” Pinkie said, and entered the house. Several different types of animals were busy doing many different things inside, but Pinkie wasn’t particularly interested in that at the moment. “I’m going to eat the Moon!” she said happily. Fluttershy paused in the act of offering Angel his food (which he was adamantly turning down) and several of the animals stopped what they were doing to stare at Pinkie.
“That’s not a good idea,” Fluttershy said carefully.
“Why not? I haven’t eaten anything for a few hours and I’m SO hungry! I might even eat the whole thing! It’s made of sky cheese, you know,” she said matter-of-factly. “Wait. Actually, I ate a rock. But that wasn’t very tasty. And I’m still hungry.”
“But some of the animals need the Moon. They like to be out during the night and the Moon provides them with the light they need to see,” Fluttershy said.
“Don’t worry. The stars will still be there. At least, I think they will be. Or should I eat them too?” She seemed to ponder this for a moment, then said, “No, I’ll just eat the Moon.”
“I still don’t think…” Fluttershy started to say, but Pinkie interrupted her.
“It’ll be fine. And yummy!” she said. “Come to the Town Square tonight and watch me do it. Then join the party to celebrate!” And she left.
Fluttershy went back to trying to feed Angel, who still wasn’t cooperating. She thought about what Pinkie had said. It seemed highly unlikely that Pinkie could actually eat the Moon, but all the same, she worried for the nocturnal animals’ sakes.
Finally, Pinkie went to see Rarity at her dress shop. It was still open, but it was getting close to closing time. Pinkie walked right in.
“Hi!” Pinkie said when she’d found Rarity.
“Oh, hi, dear,” Rarity said. “I’m just putting the finishing touches on this dress, but I’ll be with you in a moment.”
Pinkie tried to wait a moment, but as usual, she had a hard time being patient. “I’m going to eat the Moon!” she blurted out.
“What?” Rarity was so startled by this announcement that she looked up, then accidentally made one of the stiches on the dress too long. “Oh, no,” she said, and used her horn’s magic to lift the dress and look at the damage.
“Sorry…” Pinkie said, looking a little sad.
“It’s not your fault, dear. It’ll just take me a few minutes to fix,” Rarity said, getting back to work. “Now what was that you said about ‘eating the Moon’?”
“It’s made of sky cheese!” Pinkie exclaimed.
“Who told you that?” Rarity asked.
“An astronomer! So it must be true!” Pinkie said.
“Well, I don’t…” Rarity started to say, feeling very sure that this wasn’t true, but then decided to humor Pinkie. Trying to think of a good analogy, she said, “The Moon makes the sky more beautiful at night. It’s like a jewel on a fabric of darkness broken only by the sequins of the stars. Why would you want to remove it?”
“Because it’ll be yummy!” Pinkie said.
“Fair point,” Rarity said, though of course she wasn’t serious. “But even if it is made of cheese, how exactly do you plan on getting there?”
“You know, Rainbow Dash asked me that, too. She said it was too hard to fly there. So I was thinking and now I have a plan. It’s a surprise! Come watch me at the Town Square tonight! After I eat the Moon, we’ll have a party!” Pinkie said.
“Alright,” Rarity said, finishing the dress and admiring a job well done. Pinkie left the dress shop, singing a song about eating the Moon.
Before long, nighttime had arrived and the Moon had come up. By this point, everypony in Ponyville had heard about Pinkie’s goal, and they all thought it sounded ridiculous. But there was going to be a party afterwards, and everypony knew that Pinkie’s parties were the best. And she was their friend, after all, so it only seemed right to support her, even in such a pointless endeavor. So a large crowd had gathered in the Town Square.
In the center of the crowd was Pinkie, bouncing up and down with excitement and standing beside a very large trampoline. She was getting impatient, but wanted to make sure her friends were there when she accomplished her goal. Soon, Twilight, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Fluttershy, Rarity, and Spike had all made their way to the front of the crowd. They waved, and Pinkie waved back.
Pinkie was about to jump up on the trampoline when Twilight called to her. “Pinkie, wait! Can I talk to you for a minute?” she said.
“Okay!” she said, and walked over to her friends.
“Pinkie,” Twilight whispered in Pinkie’s ear. “The moon is many, many thousands of miles away. And it’s not made of cheese, it’s made of rock. And not only that, but it’s over two thousand miles wide. There’s no way anypony could ever eat the whole thing, even if it was made of cheese.”
“What? But the astronomer told me…” Pinkie said, starting to feel a little sad. But then she perked right back up. “Wait a minute…you just want the Moon for yourself, don’t you? You don’t want me to eat it because you want to eat it all! No! It’s mine!” She started walking back to the trampoline, but called back, “But no hard feelings, okay?” Pinkie understood why Twilight would want to savor the scrumptiousness of the Moon, but she had already claimed it for herself, and Twilight would just have to deal with it.
As Pinkie climbed onto the trampoline, she heard Twilight shout, “No, Pinkie! You’re not going to get to the Moon by jumping on that trampoline! You’re just going to hurt yourself!” But she ignored it. She was going to eat the Moon, and that was that. Maybe she’d save a little piece for her friends. Or maybe not. She was really hungry, after all.
As the crowd looked on in fake suspense (they didn’t really believe that she would do it, after all) and her friends worried for her safety, Pinkie began to bounce on the trampoline. With each bounce, she got higher and higher. Soon she was getting high enough to see over the roofs of the buildings surrounding the Square. And at this point, she suddenly stopped in midair.
Looking around, she saw that she was surrounded by a magical haze. “Hey!” she said. “Who’s doing that?” The crowd looked around, and after a moment, Twilight stepped forward. “Hey!” Pinkie said again. Twilight was using her magic to prevent Pinkie from bouncing any further.
“I’m sorry, Pinkie. I know you want to eat the Moon, but you can’t. And I can’t bear to see you get hurt on that trampoline.” Twilight said.
“Let me go!” Pinkie said. She squirmed and tried to break free of Twilight’s hold on her, but it was no use. “Fine,” she said. “I’ll save a little piece for you.”
“You’re not going to get there in the first place,” Twilight insisted, and she began to carefully lower Pinkie down to the ground.
“Yes, I am!” Pinkie shouted. The crowd began to boo at Twilight, urging her to let Pinkie go. But Twilight insisted that she couldn’t let Pinkie hurt herself.
“Then just use your magic to catch her if she falls, but at least let her try it,” a stallion’s voice shouted anonymously from the crowd.
Twilight hadn’t considered that. She’d been too worried for her friend, and too insistent on convincing Pinkie that her science was deeply flawed. So she let her go. Pinkie would obviously realize her mistake on her own soon enough, and the stallion was right. She could always catch her if she had to.
“Thank you,” Pinkie said. And she began bouncing on the trampoline again. She bounced higher, and higher, and higher – higher than Twilight had expected Pinkie to even be able to bounce. Then, when she’d reached the height of a particularly high jump, she opened her mouth wide, encompassing the circle of the Moon in the sky, and reaching up to it with her hoof. Then she closed her mouth, and incredibly, impossibly, miraculously, the sky (and indeed, the Square in which the crowd was watching) suddenly got darker.
The crowd that had been watching her froze in place, gaping with their mouths wide open at the empty place in the sky where the Moon had been. Nopony moved, except for Twilight, who collapsed on the ground. She seemed to be having some form of nervous breakdown, and kept muttering phrases such as, “That’s not scien-,” “That’s impos-,” and “She couldn-“ over and over to herself rather quickly, interspersed with fits of laughter. She never finished any of these sentences, but kept repeating them, anyway.
Pinkie landed back on the trampoline, and after several more bounces that decreased in height (since she was no longer trying to bounce higher), she stopped. She was still chewing, but the going was tough. Twilight was right – the Moon was big and really did seem to be made of rock, not cheese. But she’d already eaten a rock earlier, and the crowd wanted to see her eat the Moon. So she kept chewing, and finally swallowed it eventually.
She got down from the trampoline and walked over to Twilight. In her hoof was a tiny piece of the Moon. She’d said that she’d save a piece for her, after all. “What are you doing, silly?” she said, seeing Twilight’s breakdown but not realizing that it was anything to worry about. “Well, here’s your piece of the Moon,” she said, placing it beside Twilight. “It’s not very yummy, though. I think you were right. It was made of rock.”
“Just a minute!” she shouted to the crowd as a whole. She made her way through it, not noticing the fact that everypony in the entire crowd was still frozen in place and gaping up at the sky. They just couldn’t believe it.
A few moments later, Pinkie came back with her party cannon. She maneuvered her way through the crowd with it, and set it off near the trampoline. “Let’s party!” she shouted.
But nopony was partying. Everypony was still in a state of shock. And as they finally came to terms with the fact that the Moon was well and truly gone, only one question was on everypony’s minds: What would Princess Luna think?
The End